liz @absatootly - Tumblr Blog

what are you so afraid of?

pairing: percy jackson x daughter of zeus!reader

summary: within circe’s resort, your walls are forcefully broken down and percy gets a little too close for comfort

a/n: school has been kicking my butt sorry for a late upload…as always please let me know if i messed up anywhere and what you want to see next!! ;)

percy’s eyes search yours for an answer, “we have to do this, why are you treating it like it’s optional?”

deep down you know you have to, but to tell the truth…you’re scared. you’ve finally figured out how to function with all the walls you’ve built and this would risk breaking them.

there’s no way in hell you’re letting anyone see the real you.

you turn to circe with a hint of annoyance “this is dumb, are you sure there’s no other way?” she responds with a laugh.

“fatal flaws are mental and physical weaknesses that cause the downfall of a hero, i’m curious as to why you wouldn’t want to know yours…”

she directs herself toward percy “we can start with you since she’s hesitant”

“i’m not hesitant!!” this bitch…

percy walks toward the mirror and looks into it. his posture immediately tenses as the memories come flooding back. each depicting a time where he put his friends above everyone else including himself.

you notice a vortex forming in the glass of water on the table.

when the mirror finishes going through his memories, circe starts writing in her notebook “excessive loyalty…very dangerous…”

she glances at both of you, then back at her book “to save a friend, you’d sacrifice the world” percy looks anywhere but towards you and flushes with embarrassment.

. your mind is going haywire trying to figure out how to get out of this. you contemplate jumping out the window to certain death, but decide against it.

you’re afraid you’re gonna lose the upper hand. knowing a fatal flaw is like knowing somebody’s deepest darkest secret, there’s no way you can let anyone, let alone him in there.

circe finishes writing in her notebook and turns to you “okay daughter of zeus, your turn!” percy steps back from the mirror and nudges you toward it.

you pause as you get in front of it, letting out a breath in hopes of easing your rapid heartbeat. memories start flashing before your eyes.

you try to will them a certain way, away from what you know they’re going toward. it doesn’t work.

percy can feel the the hair on the back of his neck stand and watches as your knuckles turn white.

each snippet depicts a moment in which you deflected in order to keep conversations superficial, times you’ve kept a distance from even those you’ve grown close to.

it highlights moments where you felt completely alone even though people, friends, surrounded you.

when the mirror ends its mental torture, you immediately step away and keep your eyes on the floor. not wanting to see circe nor percy’s expression.

“you know, i’ve never had any children of the big three step on my grounds, let alone a daughter of zeus…this was extremely enlightening” you brace yourself to hear what secrets she stole from you.

“you keep people at a distance and avoid intimate conversations…” you can hear her writing all of this down “you seem to dismiss your own feelings, criticizing yourself for things beyond your control…” she stops writing and you risk a look at her.

“emotional isolation, that is your fatal flaw”

you roll your eyes “okay yeah sure now what are we supposed to do with this information” you keep your eyes on circe, not trusting her.

“you have to confront this fact, which i can already tell will be more difficult for one of you than the other” it’s as if she’s looking into your soul as she says it.

“well this can wait then, im tired” you turn and walk out of her office.

circe watches, “defensive, i can work with that…acceptance will be a process with her. but you…” she looks at percy and smiles “i can tell you’re already in the midst of your process”

he gives her a questioning look and goes after you

-

you sit on your bed as hear a knock at the door “go away if you know what’s good for you percy”

he opens your door and walks in, sympathy plaguing his eyes “come on, i know you don’t trust her but we have to pass through the sea of monsters to find grover. focus on that”

you look at him, knowing he’s right. you flop back on the bed, turning into the pillow an screaming into it. “fuck this, fuck all of this” you get up and start toward the bathroom to splash water on your face

he watches you walk away, knowing you’ll come back in a few seconds with a clearer head

your hands find their way to the faucet, not having to think about your actions since your mind is full with other thoughts

on the bright side, the memories didn’t show the reason why you wall everyone off.

it didn’t show the way your heart beats a little faster when you know percy’s in the room, or how you can’t meet his eye unless something is serious enough to get your mind off of the way you feel about him. fuck, you can’t do this. not now. matter of fact, not ever.

it’s so annoying, you’ve never been good around guys, but somehow it increases ten-fold with percy. you hate it. you’re a demigod for christ sake. built for war. not whatever this is.

you grab a towel to wipe your face, taking one last look in the mirror to make sure you’re not showing any unneeded emotion, then you go back out.

“sorry yeah my bad, im good now. what do you want to do about this?” suddenly the carpet looks extremely interesting…

percy tries to meet your eyes but fails, “first, you’re gonna have to let me in a little” he starts walking toward you.

don’t do anything weird, please. you finally look at him and he gives a small smile, “there you go” trying to suppress the blood rushing to your face, you look away again.

“come on don’t patronize me” you joke, trying to change the subject. “we have to figure this out”

“it can wait, i wanna talk to you a little” he says sincerely and you brace yourself.

“as much as we probably can’t trust circe, the whole ‘fatal flaw’ thing got me thinking…you really don’t trust anyone, do you?”

shit.

you try to clarify “it’s not like that-”

“really…because it seemed like-”

you step closer, trying to stop him from saying something too real “it’s not, i promise”

he gives you a look, waiting for you to continue. you take a deep breath.

“it’s not that i don’t trust you, any of you. annabeth grover…it’s not about trust. i trust you guys with my life, more than i’ve ever trusted anyone. it’s just…it’s me”

you accidentally brush his chest while talking animatedly and finally realize how close you both ended up. you go to take a step back and he stops you, lightly grabbing your wrist.

“what? you think you’re not strong enough?”

you’re a deer in headlights, damn it.

“i mean, that’s not…totally wrong…i guess” you look back down at the carpet.

“it’s a lot easier when i’m on my own because i don’t have to worry about protecting other people. if i fail im the only one that goes down.”

you look back at him and he seems intent on listening to every word you say. you roll your eyes.

“you’re really gonna make me say all this?”

he cracks a little smile “that’s the only way i’ll let you go” he makes a show of keeping your wrist in his grip. “fine”

you grab his wrist in return and drag him over to sit on the bed. you take another deep breath.

“yes maybe she was right, maybe i distance myself, maybe i let people think they know me when they really don’t, maybe i overthink every little thing people say to me trying to figure out if they hate me, maybe, like…deep deep down, i think i don’t deserve any good thing that’s ever happened to me,”

you try to suppress the anxiety building in your stomach.

“and maybe just maybe, i still can barely make eye content with you because it scares me how much you make me feel”

“you know if you hadn’t said anything i would’ve continued thinking you hated me” okay yeah im done

you try to get up but percy yanks you down “no, no wait” he says in between laughs “i’m sorry let me be serious about this” he forces you to look him in the eye.

“this is dumb, i don’t wanna talk about my feelings, can we go back to arguing or something” you plead.

“i think this is the most i’ve ever gotten out of you, i like it” you glare at him “you said you were gonna be serious” “this is serious!” you sigh.

his smile fades a bit, “thank you though. i know i didn’t give you much of a choice, but truly, thank you for letting me in”

you respond by putting your forehead on his chest “yeah yeah, now can i sleep? i wasn’t lying about being tired” you try to sound sarcastic but it comes out dry

instead of responding, percy lets you go and lays down on one side of the bed, “now that you mention it, i’m pretty tired too. you mind if i crash here? nah? okay thanks”

you scoff and lay next to him, putting a respectable amount of space in between the both of you “whatever”

you’re too tired to think about the position you might end up in later, that’s a future-you problem.