Struggling tonight. Thinking about self worth, external validation, friendships, relationships. How at one point or another its inevitable to have breakdowns in conversation or connection.
I think the hardest thing for me is giving too much bc I care, but then not necessarily receiving the same back. I really ride the line of mirroring. And I think I just noticed how I’ve been overexerting myself with at least 3 people in my life, if not 2 others. Though I know those 2 others are going through extreme turmoil so I’m a bit more OK with the distance.
I know I’ve been able to really up my tolerance for these things, and therapy has helped me become more aware. I’m not sure the sadness ever goes away. I think, wow, I was used - that sucks. You only “needed” me for a season. And then I have to detach and try to compartmentalize my feelings. I know I’m allowed to feel them but I know it doesn’t do me any good to dwell.
The amount of times it’s happened though really frustrates me. I’ve talked about this before but it’s hard to think “is it me?” When I know it has everything to do with the other person.
I really need to be mindful about matching peoples energy’s and not overextending myself emotionally. I must protect my energy. No one else will do it but me, and that’s my responsibility.
Not everyone has the same heart as you.