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I hate that whilst I was sitting in traffic I came to the realisation that even when we hung out you never really were with me.

You were in my passenger seat, yes.

I was in your bed, yes.

We were sat in the car by the ocean, in the rug in the park and on the deck of your pool, yes.

But even then you would always walk away, be on your phone, find something else to do.

I don’t know what this means, but I do know that hindsight might be a great thing.

#100526

By the way, I’d marry you in any fmk scenario right now

My thoughts are not kind when I think about a person I like and think about myself.

If I think about them with someone my first thought is that they won’t look like me.

Because why would I be someone’s type

#0526

Why am I struggling with the idea of unfollowing him?

He stopped talking to me as if I never existed and I feel mean for unfollowing him… what is that

Tonight is one of those nights I’ve allowed myself to miss you. It’s been a month.

And I’m trying to get over you because I only knew you for two.

I don’t know if it’s the long day I’ve had, or the fact that you were someone I could tell everything to. whether I had a good day or a bad day you knew just by talking to me.

I’m allowing myself to miss you tonight and to wake up tomorrow morning and hopefully not be feeling like this…

#220426

Everyone keeps saying “he’ll come back they always do” but I don’t know.

I think I know your brain better than that.

#050426

It took two months for you to become a part of my everyday routine and it took you 12 hours to rip that all away without a word

You kept telling me to love myself more, but you couldn’t even love me enough to tell me goodbye. So how am I supposed to ever believe a word you said?

#270326

I knew:

Your favourite ice cream flavour

The way you sleep

What you do for work

The dreams you have

The fact that you don’t think you can fulfil your greatest dreams

Your childhood

The love you have for your family even if they aren’t all biological

Your favourite wine

Why you call your best friends, best friends

I know:

The way you pull away with no explanation

The way you said I love you but that didn’t mean a thing

#260326

A month, that’s how long it took you to weave yourself into my bones into my everything so as you’ve ripped yourself away cold turkey you ruined me like I knew you would

#240326

You told me things you told me you’d never told anyone because you were embarrassed.

You told me things about your future that you wanted.

And then you just stopped.

Nothing at all.

#230326

You said you wanted to ‘be a girl dad’.

I don’t think you realised in that moment, that I started picturing mini me’s with you.

And I’ve never really pictured mini me’s before

#170326

I stop myself. Every time I hang up the phone.

I stop myself from saying I love you.

I don’t know why I stop myself.

Because I think I could love you, or I love you, but

I stop myself.

And one of these days maybe I won’t.

120326

I sat in the drivers seat, you in the passenger, and silently cried.

And then, after a beat, you said something that made me sob so hard I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I think in that moment, I lost you.

My emotions ruined us, my care for you ruined us.

We’ll see.

210226

21.02.26

You aren’t a regret by the way.

As much as you think you are.

He called me. I was glad.

I was worried.

We talked about our old tumblrs. Mine not as old as his.

He needed someone. I stayed until he feel asleep.

He called me. It was unexpected.

I think this is our pattern one. It’s better than the ones he was telling me about.

We talked about grocery shopping.

We said good night.

He called me. I was on my way home from work.

He didn’t text today so this was his apology.

I joked that he loved me.

Tonight I decided. He’s going to ruin me.

you breathlessly whispered my name but it was over social media and I haven’t heard from you since

I hate living in this century 🙄

#absolutelyeveryregret

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