VOID OF DREAMS, I LIE IN MORTAL LETHARGY.

and i, i myself, am the centre that exists only because the geometry of the abyss demands it;

[abysel]

✧ I AM THE CENTRE OF EVERYTHING SURROUNDED BY THE GREAT NOTHING.

a private dual-muse writing blog for kaeya alberich of genshin impact + aventurine of honkai: star rail, reimagined ﹠ divorced from source materials.

standard dnfi + etiquette, low and sporadic, multi-ship. don’t take it to heart if there’s no follow back from me, as i try to keep my space small to avoid overwhelming myself. mature content and triggering themes are to be expected; they’re involved in a graphic narrative and will engage in others like it. best way to start things is via prompts or plots. highly critical of hoyoverse. where to also find me.

✧ note: despite the fact that both muses are removed from their canons, i still expect to run into others that don’t do the same thing. as such, i’m willing to interact within the source materials if there is some form of plotting beforehand—otherwise, unless we’re close friends, please don’t pester me to write in them.

if you’re interested in interacting with other characters from gacha-based media, i’ve a multimuse available at @glorymine as a sideblog.

[abysel]

what if i turned this into a dual muse blog. what if i did that

[abysel]

also completely forgot to rb this and say this is in effect now

[abysel]

i’m losing my goddamn mind

[abysel]

what if i turned this into a dual muse blog. what if i did that

[echosdeath]

she hears him respond to her. clear and candid, and sharp enough to cut her into ribbons, in a way that tells her he’s lost any semblance of patience for their little games. it makes her own body give a lurid kick at her ribs, throat convulsing around broken letters. and truthfully, she has to stop herself from answering in an instant. instead, she continues to look him in the eye, body exhausted from the new energy draining out of her. she always came here for a reason, but right now, she wants to remember. she used to have it all once, and more. and not so long ago, she even used to dream. maybe she still did sometimes, but it certainly never meant what it used to. this was the place where it all began. so she tries to turn back time, attempt to break through a metaphysical barrier and maybe— just, maybe— she could see herself again. it was a cathartic, toxic, addictive cycle. this is what pain is; this is what love is.

her old self tried to claw its way out of her throat, but nothing more than a pathetic twitch came out. she raises a brow at him now. she teetered dangerously on a knife edge between insanity and mortality, stuck in an infinite loop. the pen has long fallen from her own grip, something else seemed to be holding it now. her gaze falls to the ground, before she lets out a small laugh, head falling between her hands. ❝    it matters to me. you should get that.    ❞   not for the reasons one may think of, but he knows this already. there's no need to speak on it anymore, for she knew he could tell early on. shams' mark on this world was her light, in every sense and every form. her grace was the change she wished to see in the smiles of her people and the lightheartedness of their hearts. now nothing is the same. as if she is some deity now, god of a god. as goes without saying, they’re all following suit: meaning bowed heads and quiet prayers, a brief greeting if any,  nothing but the utmost respect whenever they’re graced with her presence, fickle as she is. it sickens her. this is not her mark on this world. and she wishes to change how things have turned now, but she cannot find it in herself. how many times ought she to do so? how many times will her soul let her? she looks at him again. ❝    it matters to me. or, at least it did.    ❞   

and there it is again: the sharp pain in her mind anytime she begins to return to her real self. like a blade digging deeper into her back anytime she feels the need to use her voice. she lets out a quiet groan at the hurt. whatever is taking over seems to be the talon against her throat. it cracks her ribs open, tears out her heart, sees the way the blood trails down her arm, warm and knowing and wretched. there is a cruel catharsis found in the way it stains her skin with their existence, the way each confession in her head speaks with every beat and pulse. it's quite haunting. she is not herself anymore, and who knows how long it will take her until she drifts apart for good? will kaeya look at her the same way he does so now? she used to enjoy their turn of conversations, but too much has happened now. she watches his expression, an absence in her gaze, maybe a tenderness somewhere beneath it all. even at the thought, there's something that echoes in the emptiness in her chest, something that chooses to beat, still. she clicks her tongue. she can barely tell if the next words that fall from her mouth are hers or whatever wants to take over. still, she speaks them, aware of the cost.

❝    not convinced it feels like mine, you say.    ❞   she hums before she stands up. whatever harmony these two shared is long gone. and yet, the red string remains. ❝    how does mine feel? i would like for you to tell me. it seems no one else wishes to look me in the eye.    ❞   

[abysel]

how does mine feel? she asks. / something still being written. or rewritten. or overwritten— it feels crowded. and every time i look at you, i have to wonder who's looking back—

"no." it's a low hiss. "i'm not indulging that question." the moment she stands, the red string pulls taut. and then she's falling. grass crushes beneath her as he drives her back into the hillside. one hand braces beside her shoulder, the other holding steel between them. sunlight glances off the blade before the light dies and leaves only the point hovering over her chest.

directly above her heart.

his hand does not waver. the effort required to keep it that way shows in every locked muscle of his arm. above shams, kaeya's face has gone frighteningly still. "you know what i've been thinking?" the point dips. "every time i look at you lately?" i see anything but a deity before me. and something in that clarity gives way. i lose another reason to let this end differently. he doesn't mean to say it. "that i should kill you— and i could. right here. right now. before it becomes anything more than this." but it happens anyway. because at least then it would stop. you would be set free. but—

"but you wouldn't want that, would you?" for all her torment, pulling herself along with this horrible, festering blight, she leaves herself behind for them, for her people and their world, and keeps disappearing for it. until she is nothing but the act of choosing. "because of what you're holding back." what everyone else refuses to acknowledge because it's easier that way. "you are the only reason this doesn't spread further than it already has. and you know exactly what happens if that stops."

[abysel]

the oak at windrise throws a wide shadow. @ategod (as sol) stands within it, their face hidden behind a restless lattice of leaves and branches. only the edges of them catch the afternoon sun; a shoulder, a strand of pale hair, the amber of one eye whenever the wind stirs. it is difficult to tell where the shadow ends and they begin. kaeya leans against the trunk. he does not speak at first. sol does. it is a whisper. "i'd rather die than live with no mercy, no honor, no soul."

kaeya remains where he is, silent for a moment longer. his gaze lifts toward barbatos's statue in the distance, unmoving in the light. "and if mercy demands something ugly of you?" he asks. "if honor hurts someone you love? if keeping your soul means abandoning everyone else's?" arms fold over his chest. "tell me, sol." his eye leaves the towering archon and rests on them once more. "when every choice feels unforgivable, how do you decide which guilt you're willing to live with?" he studies it. a curious person, the traveler. there are times when kaeya gets the impression he is arriving late to a conversation already in progress. he has never cared for the feeling. "there are those who are very fond of speaking about virtue when every path leads somewhere pleasant. the difficulty begins when it doesn't."

his hand rises in a vague gesture. "when someone must suffer. when someone must be sacrificed. when every choice leaves blood on your hands, no matter how carefully you make it." a pause. "would you still know which answer is mercy? which answer is honor? or would you simply choose the guilt you find easiest to carry? because that's usually what these grand moral dilemmas come down to. just guilt." an index tips forward, lazily pointing toward sol. "and i've noticed you're awfully determined to carry all of it yourself."

[abysel]

ok. it's live @glorymine

[abysel]

"you look terrible. come into the shade," @echosdeath says, beckoning him to the space next to her beneath the tree. blades of light cut across her face between leaves overhead, dappled over her skin. when it catches her eyes just right, honey-brown cracks and splits in a kaleidoscope of liquid gold. the sun burns at his back. her gaze proves little kinder, remaining the brighter thing — or perhaps that's the trouble. the sun only sees what stands before it.

"mm. that's unfortunate." kaeya's head rolls into a small, lackadaisical tilt. fur brushes his cheek. unusually, he doesn't reach for diversion: no clever redirection, no attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere. a moment of study passes before he crosses into the shade and lowers himself beside her. relief comes quickly, easing into him as the light falls away. tipping his head back, one arm drapes loosely over a knee. "i appreciate the invitation." his eye drifts closed. "the diagnosis could've used a gentler bedside manner, though."

the clues were subtle: the exhaustion. the headaches. the overwhelming desire to disappear for a week — or more, more efficient than explaining anything. of course, efficiency had never been the point of conversations like these. "well..." he glances at shams. "i suppose if you were interested in gentleness, we'd be having a very different conversation."

[abysel]

i need lohen. (allan vc) what the fawk…

[dr5amatic]

IN THE ASHES ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel an ember in the ashes by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

why do keep disappearing when i need you?

i wasn't spying.

what you saw is dangerous. you can't tell anyone about it. not ever.

keep your secrets close, love.

i'm not working for them.

don't be afraid [name], i won't let anything happen to you.

what are you doing down here?

much as i hate to admit it, you're not usually wrong.

the field of battle is my temple.

the dance of death is my prayer.

the killing blow is my release.

aren't you a pretty one.

who trained you?

keep it safe for me just until i come back.

unless you're stupider than you look, even you can see how this appears.

you worked hard. you did everything right.

go, [name]. go get some air. i'll handle this.

the ghosts of our misdeeds seek vengeance, but the cost will be high.

you are an ember in the ashes, [name]. you will spark and burn, ravage and destroy. you cannot change it. you cannot stop it.

we don't abandon our own!

who do you want me to spy on?

shadows will bloom in your heart and you will become everything you hate.

so my choices are either to stay and be evil or run and be evil. wonderful.

they always underestimate me.

this isn't a mission for the fainthearted.

go away. you're not real.

you're distracted when you can ill afford to be.

if you want to win this, you need to wake up.

i've already wasted too much time cleaning up your messes.

lay low. don't risk spying until you're certain you won't get caught.

fail me again, and we're done.

these are my friends, my family. people i know. i wouldn't hurt them.

how do i make it stop? i have to make it stop.

until you conquer your fear, the dead will remain with you.

i won't kill you. i swear it. by blood and bone, i swear it.

you're going to be fine. i'm going to fix you right up.

fight, [name]. you have to fight. you have to win.

death before tyranny.

if what you say is true, then the balance is upset, and we must restore it.

you look terrible. come into the shade.

you really should run. you’re just going to die.

wait, you idiot! it might be a trap!

i won’t let you fall, i promise.

i want you to know that i think what you’re doing is brave. really brave.

it’s not a stupid idea, just dangerous. i don’t want you getting hurt.

you’re trying to sneak out.

i wouldn’t have traded this for anything.

i live with my sins everyday. i live with the guilt.

i’ve never asked you for anything. i’m asking you now.

you think i can’t defend myself? you think i need bodyguards?

i’ve been distracted worrying about you.

i’ll kill him for this.

don’t talk. just keep quiet and… let me think.

you’re in love with me! but i'm not in love with you, and you hate me for it. you’ve let that ruin our friendship.

i could never be in love with you.

you have no idea what I’ve given up for you, the deal i made. 

who did this?

look at you–look what they’ve done to you.

you don’t have to be brave.

do you have what i want?

i have something, but i need more time.

if you have nothing, then this mission is a failure.

don’t have time for that. I’ve got other things on my mind.

if i wanted to hurt you, i’d already have done it.

as long as there is life, there is hope.

either way, you’d have blamed yourself.

either way, people you cared about would have suffered.

i should have stayed, even if it meant dying.

they won’t let you have compassion or kindness. they won’t let you have a soul.

my soul’s gone. I killed it dead on that battlefield.

there are two kinds of guilt. the kind that’s a burden and the kind that gives you purpose. 

you have a soul. it’s damaged, but it’s there. don’t let them take it from you.

you don’t need to be so cat-footed. i’m not armed.

you’re surprised? you’re naïve, is what you are. you’re a fool.

you’re sick. don’t you have any regret? any remorse?

i’ll celebrate them. i’ll mourn them. but i won’t regret what i did. i did it for the empire. i did it for my people.

don’t make vows when you can’t know their cost.

i crossed a line, and i won’t cross it again.

do you know what i do to spies?

be strong. if you don’t win this, everything is lost.

i will be your blood shrike, your second-in-command, the sword that executes at your will, until death. i swear it.

in the night, your loneliness crushes you, as if the sky itself has swooped down to smother you in its cold arms.

there is nothing of me that is worth anything.

tell me, or i slit your throat here and now.

you’ll pay for this. i swear it to the skies, to the stars. you’ll pay.

just because he’s a good leader doesn’t mean he’s a good person. he lied to you.

for the first time since i can remember, i don’t feel alone. because of you.

i can’t–i can’t stop thinking about you. i’ve tried not to. i tried to push you out.

i’ll take care of everything. i promise.

the moment i knew you existed, i hated you.

if i feel regret, it’s that i wasn’t willing to die sooner.

i’d rather die than live with no mercy, no honor, no soul.

fear is only your enemy if you allow it to be.

too much fear an you’re paralyzed. too little fear and you’re arrogant.

i’ll watch your back if you watch mine. we can make it if we stick together.

[abysel]

Hello Kaeya Alberich.

Hello Il Dottore. Can you (un)kindly get out of my house

[abysel]

*debby ryan hair tuck* hey it's my star-crossed ████

[kiwi-b0nes]

new brushi