[acacia-pycnantha]

Saturday 19th November 2022

Thank you for visiting me last night, Grandpa. 

Missing you everyday.

[acacia-pycnantha]

Reminding myself to appreciate what I do have and being grateful for how incredibly lucky I am, rather than focusing on the things I don’t have that never served me well anyway.

[acacia-pycnantha]

Study/Focus Ambience

A Soft Murmur

Sound of Colleagues

Lofi.co

Noisli

I Miss My Cafe

Coffitivity

Rainy Mood

Lofi Cafe

Moodil

[acacia-pycnantha]

I forgot my worth when I was with you.

[nightlyquotes]

If nothing else, one day you can look someone straight in the eyes and say ‘But I lived through it. And it made me who I am today.’

Iain Thomas (via nightlyquotes)

[nightlyquotes]

It’s never too late to start over again and to be happy.

Anurag Prakash Ray (via nightlyquotes)

[acacia-pycnantha]

I get homesick and I think about you, this is what that feeling is. Wanting to come home, where home is you.

[nightlyquotes]

Today I’m happy because I dreamed about you, but tomorrow I’ll cry missing your touch.

Vítor Hugo Mota (via nightlyquotes)

[nightlyquotes]

Was it harder to die, or harder to be the one who survived?

Ruta Sepetys, Between Shades of Gray (via nightlyquotes)

[acacia-pycnantha]

I am always ready and willing to save someone from the depths of their hurt, but I see now that not everyone is prepared to do that. Because no one seems to be willing to try and save me.

[acacia-pycnantha]

And after all of this, especially this, you still couldn’t say sorry.

[untamedunwanted]

Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

How to Deal with a Painful Experience | Nikita Gill (via untamedunwanted)

[acacia-pycnantha]

Some things just hurt a little too much to be written out.

[acacia-pycnantha]

What if I try so hard at this and I can't do it? What if I put all this effort into pushing myself to get through it, to make it to the other end and finally achieve a dream for myself, only to realise that I'm not good at it at all?

I realise now why I've grown with such fear filled with absurd 'what ifs' and I realise now why I've always felt scared of not being enough. Because I was never made to feel like I was enough, that nothing I ever did was satisfactory or worthy of praise and acknowledgement. That nothing I did was an achievement. My heart breaks for myself, having to live with this on and off fear of not being enough, not doing the right thing, not doing enough. And now here I am with panic attacks, anxiety and stress when I never used to feel these things, or maybe I just never noticed them until now. When you notice something for the first time, you start to see it a lot more often.

I know I have the heart, the drive and the passion to do the things I want to do. But I just wish that it wasn't always just about how well I was able to learn words, remember them and spit them out in response to a question. I like to make meaningful connections with the content that I learn and I used to absolutely love learning, but not so much anymore. I'm not sure when it started or how, but I've noticed myself struggling a great deal with making connections and links within theory and the content that I'm expected to learn. I don't know. I just hope that somehow, I will find my way, things will work out to be how they should be and that I will get to live a life with great happiness, working in a job that fills my heart with warmth and joy and be able to come home to the man I cannot wait to marry and spend the rest of my damn life with.

I think realising now why I am the way I am, gives me the strength to tackle it head on and fight it. Sometimes it really just takes writing out your thoughts to come to your own answer. And more often than not, it just helps you feel better to get it out.

[arthurianmotifs]

i love them your honour

[julieterbang]

[ruescenic]