Thoughts

🌻

[accbs54]

Disappointment. Disrespected. The limitation and the decision making.

Na disappoint ka din naman saken, I know. And I disrespected you too.

Ive changed. I felt lost, I've lost myself that I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I am chaos, tired of myself too.

Some part of me, you made me who I am now. The price of what youve done.

[accbs54]

Dami ko gusto sabihin... Basta parang ang unfair ng mundo. 😔

[accbs54]

Ive been feeling really sick and tired lately. Physically mentally and emotionally tired. Its hard to tell people youre okay when youre really not. You just have to pretend everyday that everythings alright.

Some, see me as a failure because I failed to get my degree, its not too late to make it happen. All my life I tried my best, to be a good daughter, sister a friend and especially to be a good mother. Some, see me as a failure and a bad person for getting pregnant at young age, but I am trying my best to be a good provider and a good mother. They see me as a failure again, because I did not give my daughter a father.

I dont feel ashame for being a solo parent, my daughter is my everyhthing. What I am today its all because of her.

Ive been a solo parent since she was 3 years old, shes a 7 years old now. Most of the time I am crying, because it is very difficult on how you provide your toodler without getting any financial support. I cried and cried, there where times I ask God, why me and my daughter need to suffer because of someone's mistakes. Being broken and a broke person will test your patience and faith in God. But even at my lowest part of my life, my daughter gave me strenght and patience in everything I do. I never thought I was capable to provide her by myself, but she taught me to be a better person. She taught me a lot.

But sometimes, you just feel tired and you want someone you can cry and and who can take care of you too.

I am currently 4months pregnant, I am still working even my Dr told me that I have to take a rest, all because of these symptoms. How can I tell my partner this when I know he has his own financial problem too. He is capable to provide me and my two childrens, but currently he has a financial problem. But I am very tired of working. I cannot work properly, I have a hard time breathing and always feel dizzy.

I I don't blame anyone else, all I want is to take a rest, even just for a day.

Can I go back to my younger self, where my father is still alive. I just want his hug. I just really need that. 😔

[accbs54]

Wishing yall a New Year fillwd with love and laughter! ❤️

[accbs54]

To see the world free 💫

[accbs54]

Mountains in Iceland

The 2nd photo was the original

[accbs54]

We don't mind having a coffee at 2pm 😅😍

[accbs54]

Beautiful sunrise somwhere in Europe

Capture by him 😍

[accbs54]

Somwhere in Norway

Captured by him 😍

[accbs54]

My love somwhere in South, Africa.

Captured by him 😍

[accbs54]

Somwhere in Maldives.

Captured by my partner. 😍

[accbs54]

Pisa, Italy.

Captured by my partner 😍

[accbs54]

My love at Pisa, Italy.

[accbs54]

Missing my father in heaven.

It's been years. I was young and still didn't know much about how it was hard to lose a father like you when you passed away, but as I got older i felt devastaded knowing that you werent by my side anymore. There were lot of times that I really want to talk to you and hug you, but tears fill my eyes whenever I remember you. I miss you so much, your smile, your voice, your hug everything about you, can’t explain in words but my tears do. I remember one night we were talking and you asked me for a promise, I wont forget that, I will never forget how we made that pinky promise. I will keep my promise to you, not now but I will make a way.

I wish I could hug you. Then I would hold you tight and never let go. I know you are always with me and watching us from above.

Thanks for giving us all the love of the world.

I will never forget the life lessons you taught me, even at a young age, and all the beautiful memories that came with it. You were my real superhero, the first man I loved profoundly. You will always in my heart, always have been and always will be. ⭐

[accbs54]

To myself,

I am so sorry for letting people hurt you in the past. I am so sorry that sometimes you feel worthless. Most of the time you wanted to speak out but you always kept it to yourself. You always want to ask for help, but you chose not to. You always ask your selfworth, thinking about your failure. Sorry that I allowed you to hang your head down low. And when your brrakdown would make you cancel your attendance by using "I’m busy" as an excuse. No one knows about how you really feel.

You are in the exact place you are meant to be right now. Stop asking God why, you dont have to ask, you only need to trust God.

Life is tough. Live your life step by step. You are more than enough. You are a survivor not a victim. Stay strong Queen. 👑

[accbs54]

MY DAUGHTER, MY LOVE AND FOREVER BABY.

I’ll never forget the first time I held you in my arms. I was so young and scared, but most of all happy and excited. I am so sorry for the times I've yelled you. I know my reaction was wrong, and I wish I could change what happened.

I thank God for blessing me with a great daughter like you. For bringing such a great joy to my life, I will always try my best to be the best mom that you can ever imagine. I feel so happy watching you grow into strong person.

You are going higher and nothing can stop you from shinning. You've already given me so much to be proud of. I will never stop supporting and loving you undconditionally. You are truly a gem! I love you my baby 💛

[accbs54]

THEY SAY ONLY STRONG HEART CAN LOVE, BUT IT TAKES A STRONGER HEART TO LOVE A SEAFARER 💛

I embraced the fact that loving a seafarer is not only about loving someone from a distance. It is not measured on how long you wait but its how about how you understand why you wait.

We know communication is the key, but it is more about trust. I would'nt mind spending all my life waiting for you. I pray for your safety, that you may come back safe from navigating on seas. I am so proud of you.

I love you today, tomorrow and forever. 🫶🏻