summary: It was supposed to be a simple mission. Get the intel and go home. Until everything goes wrong and you’re taken captive by Hydra. While you struggle to stay alive and hold your sanity, Bucky begins to lose himself to a darkness and gives into the soldier because he doesn’t know how to breathe without you. Not until he brings you home. If he even can.
pairing: bucky x reader
word count: ~100,000
warnings: graphic descriptions of violence, torture, minor character death, vague/brief suicidal ideation, smut (marked with *), slow burn/longing/mutual pining
Recently, I sat at my kitchen table, cutting out paper pieces for a craft I was doing and kept thinking about how I cannot picture myself in 10 years at all. Not in a 'nothing in life is ever certain' way, just literally, no image of what myself at age 44 might look like. What her life might be.
And then a quiet voice inside me reminded me, that me at 24 also didn't have a picture of myself at 34 and me at 14 couldn't imagine the me at 24.
And even more quietly that voice said: "Maybe she'll just also sit at her kitchen table doing something creative. Maybe she'll even smile while doing it."
Maybe she'll smile. Guess I'll just have to find out.
– Guest Submission
(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)
Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?
Dearwalker's masterlist
Welcome to my mind palace, my friends call me moony <3 | she/her | 26 | member of the tortured poets department | writing for Joseph Q characters | not taking requests but you can always hit my askbox with ideas, or if you just need to yap! Thank you for reading my stories 🤍
Main links: 2025 wrapped | replies to asks | my wips | my gifs | my stills | I reblog all my fics on @starktonyxfics
Picks of the month: But daddy I love him, I think he knows
You will find the characters: Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Johnny Storm, John Walker, Bucky Barnes and Clark kent in this masterlist.
Ready to fall in love? 🤍
Smut is marked with *
Eddie Munson
*But daddy I love him: There’s two clear rules in your house. No boys while dad isn’t home and ALWAYS keep the door open three inches. Tonight Hopper’s out late and you decide to break both, until he’s banging at your door as Eddie trips over his own clothes trying to get out alive.
*I think he knows: Eddie accidentally walks in on Steve fucking you in a WSQK storage closet. He thinks he’s doomed to a life of fantasizing over you with the only company of his right hand, until…Steve himself offers him a golden ticket straight to your bed: a threesome.
This is our year: Two years after leaving Hawkins behind to chase Eddie’s dreams in LA, you return to Indiana for Dustin’s graduation and get surprised by his speech. Later, in a wholesome reunion at the WSQK rooftop, old friendships rekindle as a small secret waits to slip out.
Merry Christmas, I miss you: Christmas hits harder since your best friend left town to chase his dreams, and hasn’t talked to you in months. As you reminisce what life was with Eddie by your side, all you can think about is calling, and telling him how much you miss him. You don’t expect him to say it back…but he ends up saying so much more.
Rubik's Cube: Eddie loves watching you getting ready. His full undivided attention is on you…until he finds a little Rubik’s cube on one of your shelves. Naturally, he just has to prove he can get it done under a minute.
Last Christmas: It’s Christmas Eve, and instead of celebrating back home, you find yourself visiting Eddie’s grave. Because last Christmas you gave him your heart, and unfortunately, he took it with him wherever souls go when they leave people behind.
Sweetheart, I would’ve drowned in melancholy: When you ask Eddie what would’ve happened if you’d never met, he says he would’ve been destined to a fate of melancholy and drowning…aka he fell in love with you, and that saved him.
Drabbles
*Not a single thought: Eddie fucks you so good sometimes you can only say “thank you”.
Eddie things: Eddie likes to collect little trinkets; bottle caps, old guitar picks, pretty rocks, pressed flowers, to give them to you.
Not a big deal: Eddie thought birthdays weren’t that important, until you said yours wasn’t, and suddenly it’s all he cares about.
Eddie Headcanons
Steve Harrington
*I think he knows: Eddie accidentally walks in on Steve fucking you in a WSQK storage closet. He thinks he’s doomed to a life of fantasizing over you with the only company of his right hand, until…Steve himself offers him a golden ticket straight to your bed: a threesome.
Don't you, Stevie?: Steve’s packing, you’ve known–and enjoyed it–for years. No one else needs to know that, but that becomes a problem when you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut about it…and Robin doesn’t help either.
For Good: Steve and you had history together…and then Eddie happened. As your “best friend”, you waited for Steve to care. He waited for you to let him in. Neither of you moved on. Now, months of grief and guilt explode in one awful fight that might break you for good.
Johnny Storm
The Evermore Series
After an attack on the Baxter Building threatens the family, every trace of evidence points to you being a traitor. Johnny is torn between believing you, the one he’s been in love with since day one, or his own blood. And while they question your loyalty, no one knows what you’re really hiding: a secret growing inside your belly, one that has Johnny’s name written all over it.
Chapters | Completed (52k+)
1. Evermore | 2. Forevermore*
The Lover Series
Everything was perfect. Engaged to the love of your life, a wedding around the corner, days filled with love and planning forever, until…the accident. You wake up one day with no memory of Johnny, and now he has to prove that if he made you fall in love with him once, he can do it all over again.
Series Masterlist | On going (24k+)
1. Soon you'll get better | 2. Death by a Thousand Cuts | 3 | 4 |
One shots
Two Heartbeats: You agree to help Reed test his new baby scanner for Sue, so he can collect some baseline data from a non pregnant woman. But when the screen lights up with a tiny heartbeat, you realize you’ve got some crazy news to break to Johnny.
*Guilty pleasures: Johnny is your best friend’s dad. After you break up with your boyfriend, she convinces you to join her on an all paid resort trip with her father. You know he’s forbidden fruit, but after lots of longing stares, midnight beach walks, shared desserts, and a shirtless Johnny jogging along the shoreline, things get too hot between you. He wants to prove he can make your ex’s mistakes right himself, and inevitably turns into the guiltiest pleasure you could ever have.
*It’s getting hot in here (sex pollen): While analyzing space plants in Sue’s lab, you get infected with sex pollen. Johnny, hotshot, flirty as hell, and definitely not yours (yet) starts looking a little too good in those tight pants. You try to fight it, until you find yourself begging him to save you.
Get a Johnny!: Bad cramps don’t let you sleep. You hesitate to call Johnny because you think you’re not there with him yet, but after nothing helps, you give in. Turns out having a boyfriend with fire hot powers comes very in handy.
*The Fate of Ophelia (Vampire!Johnny Storm): One drop of your blood could bring a vampire’s cold heart back to life. It’s the kind of blood they kill for. You’ve spent your life hidden, protected, alone in your castle…until Johnny Storm came for you. He's cocky, annoying, and imposible to ignore. A “good” vampire sent to defend your land. You’re everything he’s not allowed to want. But he looks at you like he can’t choose whether to kiss or kill you. How long until he decides which one?
Part 2. Pledge allegiance to your hands: You decide to put Johnny’s supernatural strength to good use, making him rearrange your ancient furniture, but he finds a better way to use his hands…and other things to rearrange.
*The sexy part of it: Ever since Franklin was born, Johnny’s had this peculiar feeling…baby fever. He decides he wants that for him, for you, but he doesn’t bring it up to you in a normal conversation, no, one day he just decides he needs to put a baby in you.
Baby Torch: You thought having a baby with Johnny was crazy enough, until your fourth month old flames on at 2 am. It’s scary, it’s overwhelming, but it’s also the most beautiful thing Johnny Storm has ever seen.
Ruin the Friendship: Oblivious best friend!Johnny who doesn’t realize he’s in love with you, but can’t understand why he’s so upset that you’ve been hanging out with another guy and distancing yourself from him.
Man's best friend: You thought you were dogsitting a puppy. Turns out you got handed a labrador with too much energy…who immediately tackles Johnny Storm at the park. Johnny, certified lover boy, ends up claiming fate just set you up romcom style.
Am I allowed to cry?: You read in a magazine the trend of asking your boyfriend “Am I allowed to get fries?” in front of the waitress to see his reaction, and you decide to put your very devoted, very dramatic boyfriend–who literally gives you anything you want–to the test.
Would you still love me if I was a worm: There’s nothing better than making out with Johnny, until he’s exactly where you want him: breathless, flushed and distracted just enough for you to make some silly questions.
Drabbles
Johnny loves women, Johnny loves when you wear his shirts
Dad!Johnny headcanons
Johnny + baby fever
Girl dad or boy dad?
Showing his baby the rocketship through the window.
Johnny + a baby sling
When the baby looks exactly like you
Johnny Headcanons
Rockstar!Johnny Storm
His love language
His tight shirts/clothing
John Walker
Are we out of the woods yet?: You and John Walker are nothing more than two idiots who can’t stand each other. But when a mission goes wrong and you fall through cracking ice, he does everything in his power to keep you alive.
*Come right on me—I mean, camaraderie: You can't help the inappropriate thoughts that come out of your mouth during a mission, and John has to teach you a lesson, or multiple, about it.
*Have you ever tried this one?: John had been away on a long mission. A month of nothing but his fist and filthy thoughts of you, edging himself to save it all for you. Every last drop. So when he catches you singing some dirty song about needing it deep? You get exactly what you asked for.
*Supersoldiers in Paris (sex pollen) John x reader x Bucky: Retrieving vials from an abandoned Red Room facility gets you infected with sex pollen. You may have to make a stop in Paris with John and Bucky before you can get back home.
*Short n' sweet (short!reader): You leave quite an impression, short and sweet to be exact. John is obsessed. The way he can mandhandle you. Lift you up to reach things. Cage you under his body while his hand covers your entire face.
Would you still love me if I was a worm: You hit John with a stupid question, he takes it too seriously.
Moral of the story: You never expected to be blindly sent to kill your ex-husband, but when you cross paths again in looping shame rooms, it’s like going through the pain all over again.
*Just a minute?: Walker loves to run that big mouth of his, always mocking your stamina in the field. But when you get him under you, turns out he doesn’t last that long either.
*Eyes on me: John makes you watch yourself as he plays with you in front of a mirror.
Alone in this shitty world (Bucky Barnes x reader x platonic!John Walker): After Yelena’s sudden outburst, the group scatters. And, as if this wasn’t already the weirdest day of your life, you find yourself reaching to comfort the last person you ever thought you'd feel sorry for, John Walker.
John Headcanons
John Walker + pet names/nicknames.
John Walker + singing.
Bucky Barnes
Would you still love me if I was a worm: A stupid little question turns into a heated makeout session. Your teammates hate to see it, one doesn’t
*Next door: You thought you were being quiet when you touched yourself. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault he could hear everything from his bed next door every single time. And when you moan his name out loud, he’s done pretending he doesn’t hear.
Do you know who I am? / Part 2: After breaking Zemo out of prison, Sam and Bucky try to hide him and you’re left to distract John Walker, so you take it as your chance to spit some words at the "New Captain America”.
Hold me until it hurts less: Bucky has nightmares. You have nightmares. Sometimes he helps you with yours and you help him with his.
Thunderbolts
Nothing’s gonna stop us: An attempt at homemade cookies, ridiculous requests to Valentina and a karaoke night will have you finding out you have a few hidden singers in your team.
Clark Kent
Some of these are on my side blog @404superman, go check it out!
*Sex pollen: When Clark gets poisoned with sex pollen, he tries everything in his power to stay away from you. Until he ends up crashing into your living room, and you have a god on his knees, with your name in his mouth and your body at his will.
*The necklace: You get Clark a silly little gift, a necklace with his ‘superman’ logo on it. He loves it when you bite it while he’s on top of you.
Soft boyfriend Clark
Check my old masterlist here. For characters like Peter Parker Steve Rogers, Thor, and Loki.
pairing | new!avengers!bucky x new!avengers!reader
word count | 8.8k words
summary | when a world-famous diamond vanishes during a mission, all eyes fall on you—former jewel thief, current new avenger, and the possessive obsession of bucky barnes—who will defend you to the grave, whether you're guilty or not.
a/n | i swear to you, chat, I really really tried to make this 4-5k words, idk wtf happened
likes comments and reblogs are much appreciated ✨✨
ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ
divider by @uzmacchiato
“Do you always shuffle like that, or is that just for show?”
Alexei’s voice boomed across the living room like it had nowhere better to be. He leaned back in the leather chair with a grin too wide for someone three rounds down.
You didn’t look up. Just slid the cards through your fingers with practiced ease, the movement smooth, fluid — sensual, even, if you did say so yourself.
“I find the theatrics help distract lesser players,” you said, cutting the deck without so much as a glance at him. “Consider it a handicap, sweetheart.”
From her spot on the couch, Yelena snorted, one knee pulled to her chest, tablet glowing faintly in her lap. “More like an ego massage.”
“She has to entertain herself somehow,” Ava added, eyes still glued to the book in her hand. She hadn’t looked up once since you'd started the game, but somehow still managed to insert herself exactly where it annoyed you.
You dealt the cards slowly, deliberately, letting the silence hang just long enough to feel like power.
“Jealousy’s not a good look on either of you,” you replied mildly, flicking the final card across the table toward Alexei. “But keep talking — I win faster when I’m being underestimated.”
Alexei picked up his hand like he was holding a newborn. “You know, in Soviet Russia, we play with knives. Much more interesting.”
“I’m not opposed,” you said, crossing your legs, silk robe falling open just enough to make Alexei blink. “But then I’d have to clean blood off the carpet. And I’m allergic to manual labor.”
Yelena cracked a lazy grin. Ava turned a page.
The Watchtower’s common room was dimly lit, warm from the flickering fireplace that Yelena insisted made the place feel “less clinical.” The rain outside painted slow-moving shadows across the hardwood floors. No one else was around — just your little core, spread out like some mismatched after-hours club.
You leaned forward just enough to reach for your bourbon — untouched, but placed with intention. Every move was deliberate. You’d worn the silk for yourself, technically, but you knew exactly what it did to the room.
Alexei scratched his beard. “One of these days, you’re going to lose. And when you do—”
You cut him off with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “When I do, you’ll still be boring, and I’ll still be beautiful. It’ll be tragic, truly.”
Yelena let out a low whistle, muttering something in Russian under her breath.
Ava finally looked up. “Honestly, I’m just impressed you’ve managed to drag her into something that doesn’t sparkle.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised,” you said, “Not everything has to sparkle to be valuable.”
Footsteps echoed from the kitchen.
“Oh, you guys are playing?” John's voice cut through the warmth of the room like wet socks. “Deal me in.”
You didn’t even look up. “No.”
Alexei chimed in at the same time. “Nyet.”
Walker stopped mid-step. “Seriously?”
Alexei gave a lazy shrug, raising his glass like it might soften the blow. “Room already has enough energy. Don’t want to shift vibe.”
You finally lifted your gaze, eyes raking him up and down with a slowness that bordered on cruel. “Besides, I don’t play games with men who can’t take losing. And you, Boy Scout Barbie, are a sulker.”
Walker blinked. “I’m not a sulker.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Yelena muttered.
He muttered something under his breath and made his way toward the other end of the room, slumping into the seat next to Bob like a moody teen. Bob immediately stiffened like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Probably breathing too loudly.
“I mean,” Walker called out again, clearly not done, “what are you guys even playing for, anyway? Bragging rights?”
“No,” you replied, slow and dry. “We’re playing for dignity. You wouldn’t be able to keep up.”
Yelena snorted. Bob looked like he wanted to disappear.
Alexei chuckled beside you, swirling the last of his drink. “So, what I get if I win, devushka?” he asked, eyes narrowing with faux confidence. “Something real. Something good.”
You tilted your head, lips pursing. “If you win…” You let the pause stretch, dragging the silence like velvet. “You get to say you beat me. Once. And then I’ll let you frame the cards.”
Alexei groaned. “Bah. No fun. Okay, okay—what you want if you win?”
You leaned back in your seat, stretching your arms overhead just enough to make it distracting. “Hmm. What do I want from a man who has nothing I need?”
Alexei leaned forward on his elbows, cards fanned lazily in one hand, smirk playing at the edge of his mouth. “Okay, devushka. If you win… I get you something made of vibranium. Real Wakandan stuff.”
You scoffed, slow and unimpressed, barely glancing up from your hand. “I already have something made of vibranium.”
Walker twisted from his spot on the couch, scoffing. “No, you don’t.”
You turned your head toward him, the motion fluid, calculated. “Yes, I do.”
He raised a brow. “What, like jewelry? Pretty sure that’s not on the market for—”
“No,” you cut in, voice syrupy with disinterest. “Unlike you… with your cheap excuse for a shield.”
Bob blinked next to him. “Damn.”
Walker bristled. “My shield is—”
You held up a hand. “Please don’t embarrass yourself further.”
Ava didn’t even look up from her book. “Secondhand symbolism isn’t a personality trait.”
Walker opened his mouth again, then promptly closed it.
Alexei chuckled, sipping his drink. “So, what is mystery vibranium treasure you claim to own, hm?”
You looked at him over the top of your cards, shrugged one shoulder, and said casually, “James’ arm.”
There was a full beat of silence.
Yelena lowered her tablet slowly, blinking at you like you’d just recited an entire monologue about tax law. “I want you to really hear what just came out of your mouth,” she said flatly. “You just… took ownership of someone else’s arm.”
You didn’t even flinch. “Whatever’s his is mine.”
Simple. Like gravity.
Ava turned a page with a deliberate flick. “So, whatever’s yours is his, then?”
“I never said that.”
That earned a huff from Yelena, who muttered something in Russian under her breath that sounded vaguely like delusional but committed.
Walker looked between you all like someone had changed the language setting on the conversation.
Alexei exhaled, long and put-upon, setting his cards down as if they weighed something. “Okay, okay… what do you want, then?”
You tilted your head, lips curving slow, deliberate — the kind of smile that meant trouble and absolutely no regret. Feline and dangerous.
“The Orlov diamond.”
There was a beat of silence.
Alexei turned to look at you fully, eyes narrowing like he was sure he’d misheard. Yelena’s tablet dropped to her lap as she cut you a sidelong glance, brows raising.
You just blinked, perfectly serene.
“You’re not serious,” Alexei said finally, half-laughing like he hoped it was a joke.
“You asked what I wanted,” you replied, your voice light, almost bored. “I answered.”
Alexei sat up straighter, suddenly far more animated than any poker game warranted. “That is Mother Russia’s diamond,” he declared, gesturing like he was rallying a crowd. “It belongs in our history, our legacy. It is symbol of strength—of endurance! Stolen by the West, admired by the world, but born of Russian greatness—”
You didn’t even lift your head. Just slid a glance toward him, eyes half-lidded, unimpressed. “It’s originally from India.”
He blinked. “What?”
Yelena let out a sharp laugh, hiding her grin behind her hand. Ava didn’t even bother pretending not to smirk.
Alexei sputtered for a second, searching for a comeback. Finally, he puffed up his chest with exaggerated pride. “Well then, I simply make sure you don’t win.”
You gave him a slow, sweet smile. “You can try.”
And then, with your eyes locked on his, you slid another chip into the pot.
Alexei cracked his knuckles. You tapped your fingers against your knee, calm but coiled. The game shifted. The easy banter faded into something quieter, more serious — the room narrowing down to the felt, the cards, the chips.
Everyone else had settled in to watch.
Bob sat hunched over on the armrest of the couch, eyes flicking between the two of you like he was observing a bomb defusal. Walker sat stiff beside him, arms crossed, a faint scowl pulling at his mouth.
Ava leaned back in the corner, legs stretched out, expression unreadable behind her book. Yelena was the only one who looked remotely entertained, chin on her fist as she watched with open amusement.
The pile in the center of the table grew. Slow. Deliberate. Neither of you moved quickly now.
Alexei furrowed his brow as he looked down at his hand, chewing the inside of his cheek. You sat still, legs crossed, a fingertip trailing the rim of your untouched glass. Your eyes never left his.
He blinked. Put down one card. Drew another. Tried not to flinch.
You played your move a moment later — no theatrics. Just quiet, smooth certainty. You placed your final bet, then leaned back, completely relaxed. The kind of calm that made people nervous.
Alexei hesitated. Looked at you. Looked at his cards again.
He sighed through his nose. “I regret offering anything.”
“Everyone regrets something,” you said, your tone light.
Finally, he matched your bet.
Cards were laid.
Alexei’s face fell before the last one even hit the table. His shoulders slumped, and he gave a groan like he was genuinely in pain.
You only smiled.
“You’re kidding me,” Walker muttered.
Bob made a small, strangled sound that might have been applause or shock — hard to tell with him.
Yelena just shook her head. “Of course she won.”
Alexei leaned back in his chair, defeated, rubbing a hand over his face. “That was pure luck.”
You gathered your chips with graceful efficiency, not bothering to hide the satisfied glint in your eyes. “Mm. I don’t believe in luck.”
Alexei gave you a side-eye. “So you really want diamond?”
You stacked the final chip on the pile, then leaned your elbow on the armrest and rested your chin on your hand, gaze cool and certain.
“I want it,” you said. “By the end of the month.”
Alexei groaned again. “Ridiculous.”
Watchtower — Conference Room, One Week Later
Everyone hated when Val came to the Watchtower.
She never arrived quietly. Always in heels, always carrying too many opinions and too little respect for the people who had enough evidence to lock her away forever. If she wasn’t here to corner them into another PR gala or some glossy photo-op for the press, then she was here to rip someone apart with thinly veiled passive aggression and backhanded insults dressed up like “feedback.”
This morning was no different.
You were seated next to Bucky, like always, mind somewhere else entirely as she paced in front of the projection screen, throwing her usual mix of threats and barely tolerable sarcasm around like rice at a wedding.
You had one arm looped casually through his, hand resting lightly on his forearm. Your legs were crossed, posture relaxed, entirely unbothered by the stiff tension that filled the room like smoke.
It had become routine. You in his space, wrapped around him like a claim. Him, settled beside you like he belonged there.
“Hong Kong and Japan are furious,” Val announced, clicking her remote like it owed her money. “You know, the kind of fury that comes with lawsuits, diplomatic tension, and entire governments not returning our calls.”
Yelena arched an eyebrow from her seat beside Ava. “So, same as last time.”
Val didn’t bother dignifying that with a response.
Walker leaned back in his chair with a shrug. “We literally saved Tokyo from a nuclear detonation last week. They could’ve had another Hiroshima and Nagasaki on their hands.”
Silence.
It was instant. Heavy.
Even the hum of the projector felt loud in comparison.
Ava looked up slowly. Bob blinked. Yelena tilted her head at him like she was trying to figure out how much brain damage a person could suffer and still hold a government clearance.
Walker glanced around. “Was that too soon?”
You didn’t even blink. “It’s centuries too soon to make a joke like that.”
His jaw twitched, but he didn’t respond.
Val sighed, like she wasn’t even surprised. “This,” she muttered, waving a hand vaguely at Walker, “is why you guys need media training.”
She clicked through another slide she wasn’t even pretending to care about. The projector whined against the silence.
“And now,” she said, tone sharpening, “we have a completely separate mess to clean up — one that’s about to make headlines if we’re not careful.”
Yelena sighed audibly. “You say that like it's new.”
Val ignored her. Of course.
“Same day you all landed in Tokyo,” she continued, her eyes sweeping the room slowly, “something else went missing halfway across the world.”
She clicked again. The screen lit up with a high-resolution image — the glint of light catching on flawless facets.
“The Pink Star Diamond,” she said. “Gone. From its private exhibition in Hong Kong. Security footage? Wiped. Guards? Drugged. No signs of forced entry.”
The room went still.
And then — every head turned.
Toward you.
Slow. Simultaneous.
Ava didn’t even try to hide her stare. Yelena gave a soft snort. Bob blinked like he wasn’t sure if he should make eye contact or duck for cover. Walker just sat there, frowning.
You didn’t react. Not even a twitch.
Val folded her arms. “Coincidence?”
You finally turned to her, face cool, mouth poised in that bored sort of half-smile. “Absolutely.”
Alexei leaned forward slightly. “We were in Tokyo.”
You leaned forward slightly in your seat, arm still threaded through Bucky’s as you rested your other hand on the table, fingers tapping once — slow and deliberate.
“I was never in Hong Kong,” you said smoothly, voice level. “I didn’t leave Tokyo the entire time we were deployed. Ask the field team. Ask Ava. Cross-reference satellite data. Internal comm logs. Flight manifests. Movement trackers.”
Ava didn’t deny it — just narrowed her gaze slightly, studying you with that unnerving, analytical expression of hers.
Val arched a brow. “The diamond was taken by someone who avoided every sensor in a high-security vault. Who moved with precision and didn’t leave a single trace.”
Yelena gave a small shrug. “I mean… she didn’t leave the drop zone. That I saw.”
Walker snorted. “Please. You’ve snuck past tracking before. No one’s doubting your ability, that’s the problem.”
You looked at him like he was gum on the sidewalk. “If I’d stolen it, you think I’d be dumb enough to let it get traced back here? Have some faith in my standards.”
“Oh, we have faith,” Ava cut in, folding her arms and staring you down. “Just not the kind you’re hoping for.”
You arched a brow, waiting.
Val took a step closer to the head of the table. “You were a jewel thief when I found you. Let’s not rewrite history. You were halfway through smuggling the Laurent Emeralds out of Geneva when I made you an offer.”
You smiled slowly, almost sweetly. “Correction. I was halfway out of Geneva. The emeralds were already in Paris.”
Bob blinked like he wanted to take notes.
“Let’s talk logistics,” you added, sharper now. “You think I snuck out of Tokyo in the middle of a live operation, somehow got to Hong Kong, cracked a vault with no gear, took a priceless diamond, and made it back — all without being seen or throwing off the mission timeline?”
Silence.
Then, “…Yeah, kind of,” Walker muttered.
You stared at him. “You can’t even open your own locker without help.”
Yelena snorted again.
Ava narrowed her eyes. “Just because we can’t prove it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
“You act like this is personal,” you said, eyes skating over the room. “It’s not. It’s logistics. And none of you have a leg to stand on.”
Yelena didn’t even look up from her seat. “I can’t trust someone who doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.”
You turned to her with a lazy blink. “And I can’t trust someone who surrounds herself with rodents.”
Her head snapped toward you. “He’s not a rodent, he’s a hamster, and his name is Nathaniel. And you better keep that white she-devil away from him.”
Bob whispered, “I think Nathanial and Alpine are both adorable…”
Walker cut in, loud and self-righteous. “You’re a kleptomaniac. Just admit it already.”
“I’m selective,” you corrected. “There’s a difference. If I were a kleptomaniac, your watch would be missing.”
Walker looked down at his wrist instinctively.
Val stepped forward again, clearly running out of patience. “If you have the diamond, just give it back. We can clean this up before it escalates.”
You stared at her, jaw tight, smile gone.
“I’m not giving it back,” you said evenly, “because I don’t have it.”
“You know what?” Ava said sharply. “Even if you didn’t take it — which, let’s be honest, is a stretch — you still act like this team’s your personal playground.”
You didn’t respond.
“You don’t answer to anyone,” Walker snapped. “You don’t follow protocol. You steal. You lie. And we’re just supposed to deal with it because Bucky lets you crawl into his lap like a damn—”
Your head turned.
Eyes on Bucky.
No words this time. Just a look.
And that was all it took.
He stood like someone had flipped a switch — slow, calm, but absolute. A wall rising between you and the room.
“That’s enough.”
His voice cut through the air like a blade.
Everyone went still.
Bucky looked around the table, one hand still resting gently over yours, the other loose at his side — but the tension in his shoulders said he was ready.
“You’re accusing her with nothing. No proof. No data. Just gut feelings and guesses because you don’t like how she operates.” His voice stayed steady. “She’s not obligated to win you over with small talk and trust falls. She gets the job done. Every time. And if you can’t keep up with how she does it, that’s on you.”
Yelena opened her mouth, but he didn’t give her the chance.
“She was accounted for. We all saw it. And unless someone here can produce actual evidence that she left the mission zone, I suggest you stop throwing accusations like you’re on trial for your own insecurities.”
The room was dead quiet.
You sat back, watching the way his shoulders rose and fell, the way his jaw stayed tight.
Yelena leaned forward, voice sharp. “That’s so unfair.”
You blinked, tilting your head with faux innocence. “What is?”
“That.” She pointed toward Bucky — now standing like a sentinel at your side. “Every time we call you out, you don’t have to defend yourself. You just look at him like a Disney princess and suddenly he’s barking at all of us.”
You raised your brows, lips parting slightly. “Are you suggesting I’m not a princess?”
“We’re suggesting he’s your guard dog,” Ava muttered. “Trained, loaded, and ready to bite.”
Walker scoffed. “You say ‘James’ and suddenly we’re all the enemy.”
“Maybe don’t act like enemies,” Bucky said flatly, still standing tall beside you.
You let out a quiet hum, fingers gently brushing along his forearm. “You all seem very emotional about this.”
Bob, barely breathing at this point, whispered, “She’s doing the thing again where she pretends she doesn’t know what’s happening…”
Val looked like she wanted to rip her own hair out.
Alexei finally spoke, voice low and deliberate. “You say you want me to steal Orlov diamond for you — and we all laugh. But then Pink Star goes missing and suddenly it’s out of question?”
You gave him a look like he’d just said something painfully unoriginal. “It was a joke,” you said coolly. “One you're all now taking way too seriously.”
“Because it’s not unbelievable,” Ava shot back.
“And yet, still unproven,” you replied, voice even, unbothered. “So what are we really doing here? Group therapy?”
Bucky let out a quiet breath and finally lowered himself back into his seat beside you, arm brushing yours.
“The conversation’s over,” he said firmly, his tone brooking no argument. “She didn’t steal the diamond.”
A pause.
“Very sorry for Hong Kong,” he added, almost deadpan. “But that’s their own fault for losing it.”
Yelena threw up her hands. Walker stared at the ceiling like he was praying for divine intervention. Ava just blinked slowly, lips pressed into a thin line.
Val looked around the room like she was considering setting the whole table on fire, but finally closed the file in her hand with a tight snap.
“Fine,” she said, “Whatever.“
And no one argued. Not after that.
You leaned into Bucky just slightly, your tone airy as ever. “I thought I handled that well.”
He didn’t smile—not really—but you felt the way his hand found your thigh under the table.
“You always do,” he murmured.
Your bedroom, That night
“James, you’re not admiring me enough.”
Your voice came out in a lazy drawl, like it wasn’t the first time you’d said it tonight—or ever.
Bucky didn’t look away from you, not even for a second. “I am, baby.”
His voice was quiet. Rough. The kind of hoarse that came from restraint, not disinterest.
He was seated in your vanity chair, his long legs spread wide, arms resting on his thighs. The golden light from a dozen candles danced across his face—across the sharp set of his jaw, the tension in his shoulders, the way his throat bobbed when his eyes dropped lower.
The room smelled like rose oil and candle wax. The windows were cracked open just enough to let the cool New York summer air creep in, stirring the silk curtains. The rest of the Watchtower was asleep—or pretending to be.
You were stretched across your bed like something out of a painting, legs bare, skin glowing under dim candlelight. The rose gold silk of your nightgown clung to you like it was made for this moment, slipping dangerously off one shoulder.
And on your right hand—on your ring finger—the Pink Star Diamond glittered in a way that could never be mistaken for synthetic.
It sparkled as you moved, slowly dragging your hand down the curve of your own body, letting the diamond catch the light—your collarbone, your sternum, the dip of your waist.
Bucky's jaw clenched.
“Do you like it?” you asked, eyes meeting his through your lashes.
“You know I do,” he murmured.
“Mm. You haven’t said it.”
“Sayin’ it doesn’t do shit compared to what I wanna do, sweetheart.”
You stretched just enough to shift the way the silk slid over your skin, the gown riding high over your thigh as you tilted your chin toward him. The diamond caught another sliver of candlelight as you turned your hand, admiring it like it was a museum piece.
“I think it pairs nicely with this,” you said, voice honeyed, fingertip grazing the diamond choker around your neck — icy white, square-cut stones sitting flush against your collarbone.
Bucky’s gaze dropped instantly, breath catching in his throat.
“This one,” you murmured, drawing your hand slowly down between your breasts, “I stole in Prague. Four years ago.”
His tongue swiped along his bottom lip. His fists clenched on his thighs.
You watched him watch you. Watched his restraint unravel one breath at a time.
The gown dipped as you rolled one shoulder forward, then the other. Silk slid down your arms, slow and fluid, catching briefly on your wrists before slipping away entirely.
The fabric pooled at your waist.
You made no move to cover yourself.
Instead, you lifted the hand with the Pink Star and cupped your breast — a subtle arch of your back pressing into your own touch, thumb brushing lazily over your nipple as you let out a soft, unaffected hum.
“I think it looks best like this,” you said, eyes locked on his. “Don’t you?”
Bucky looked wrecked.
Absolutely still.
Like touching himself would be a sin, but staying still was agony.
His voice broke low. “Jesus, baby…”
You adjusted your hand slightly, the Pink Star flashing as your fingers squeezed around your breast just enough to make him twitch in his seat.
He didn’t blink. Didn’t breathe.
Just stared — like you were sacred and obscene all at once.
“You’re being very well-behaved tonight, Jamie.”
Your voice was soft, mockingly sweet — the tone you used when you wanted to draw blood with sugar. You dragged your thumb in a lazy circle, making your breath hitch just slightly, enough for effect.
“Is that for me?” you asked, tilting your head, eyes dropping briefly to the very obvious, very strained bulge in his pants. “Or are you just always that hard when you see me with something expensive on my body?”
His jaw flexed, a vein in his neck twitching. He still didn’t speak.
Didn’t need to.
This wasn’t new. Not for either of you.
Every time you acquired something rare — something stolen, expensive, yours — you made him sit like this. Made him watch as you modeled it, draped in nothing but luxury and intent. A necklace, a bracelet, a pair of earrings you'd lifted off a diplomat's mistress in Vienna.
Your thumb dragged over your nipple again, slow, absent, like you were just adjusting—like you hadn’t just knocked the breath out of him. The diamond on your finger flashed with the movement, sharp and pink and impossibly perfect.
“I think,” you said softly, “it deserves to be seen on something beautiful.”
Bucky was dead silent. Tense. Hard. Eyes fixed to your chest like he couldn’t look anywhere else.
You pinched your nipple between two fingers and let out a quiet, breathy sound that wasn’t quite a moan—just enough to let him feel it. His throat worked as he swallowed hard.
You let your hand trail down the center of your chest, past the soft dip of your sternum, fingers skating over your stomach before curling over the edge of your thigh. The candlelight made your skin look warmer, shinier—like satin layered over heat.
You shifted on the bed, spreading your legs just enough for the silk to fall open between them.
And then you smiled — slow, satisfied, dangerous.
“Don’t worry,” you purred, lifting your chin slightly. “You’ll get to touch.”
A beat.
“When I say.”
You watched his throat bob, the way his metal hand gripped the arm of the chair like it might snap.
You bit your bottom lip and let your legs fall a little wider.
“But for now…” your fingers ghosted across your inner thigh, just high enough to make his breath catch again, “you can keep watching.”
You let your knees fall wider, silk gathering at your hips, the cool air licking at the wet heat between your thighs. You could feel how soaked you already were—just from him watching, from the look in his eyes like he was praying and dying at the same time.
His breath was shallow now. Barely held.
You brought the hand with your diamond down, the weight of it glinting across your knuckles as your fingers brushed through your folds, slow and slick.
Bucky exhaled like he’d been punched.
You dragged your middle finger through your wetness again, slower this time—gathering everything at your entrance before circling your clit with the kind of practiced ease that made you hum in your throat.
“See?” you murmured, eyes locked on his. “Looks good with everything.”
Your finger dipped lower, slid inside—just the tip—and then pulled back out, glistening under the candlelight. You let him see it, held it up briefly like you were about to taste yourself, before trailing it back down again.
His legs shifted like he might stand, but you shook your head once, gently. “Stay.”
He froze. Swallowed hard.
You pushed two fingers in this time—slow, deep, your wrist angling to curl against that soft spot that always made your thighs twitch. You let out a quiet breath and arched, back pressing into the mattress as your palm flexed against your own heat.
The diamond caught the candlelight again as your hand moved—subtle, steady, your breathing picking up as the slick sound of your fingers filled the room.
“Do you know what turns me on the most?” you said softly, your voice catching on a gasp as you pressed deeper. “Knowing you’re sitting there, aching, while I get myself off with your favorite view in the world.”
Bucky’s hands gripped the chair again—one flesh, one metal—white-knuckled and silent, his eyes glued to your fingers moving in and out, knuckles glistening, thighs flexing.
You rolled your hips into your hand, thumb circling your clit now, pressure building fast.
And still, he didn’t move. Didn’t speak. You looked at him—sweaty, wrecked, waiting.
And you smiled.
“Good boy.”
You barely had time to pull your fingers out before he was on his feet.
The chair scraped back against the floor, and then Bucky was moving—fast, silent, like a man pulled off a leash. He dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed, hands braced on either side of your thighs, eyes wild, chest rising and falling like he’d been running.
You tilted your head, smug even now. “Took you long enough.”
He didn’t respond.
He just hooked his hands under your thighs, yanked you closer in one hard pull, and buried his face between your legs.
Your gasp hit the ceiling.
His mouth was hot, wet, desperate. There was no easing into it—no slow, teasing warm-up. He licked you like he needed it, like he’d been starving for it. Tongue flat at first, dragging up your folds, collecting the mess you’d made on your fingers. Then he sucked your clit into his mouth, slow and firm, moaning like he was the one getting off.
You fisted the sheets, eyes slamming shut as your hips jerked up into his face.
“Fuck—James—”
His fingers dug into your thighs, holding you still, dragging you closer, his nose pressed right against you as his tongue worked in tight, devastating circles. The stubble on his jaw scraped against your skin in the best possible way. Your breath hitched with every pull of his mouth, every little sound he made like he was drunk on the taste of you.
And when he shifted lower, dragging the tip of his tongue down to your entrance, you felt him moan—felt it, the vibration of it buzzing right through your core as he fucked you with his tongue, messy and slow and deep.
“James—” you breathed, your voice breaking. You reached down, hand tangling in his hair, diamond flashing as your fingers curled against his scalp.
He groaned again, the sound raw, needy, and gripped your hips tighter, rutting his face into you like he was trying to drown. One hand slid up—flesh—and pressed down firmly on your stomach, pinning you to the bed like he knew you were about to come.
And he was right.
You shattered in seconds.
Your thighs clenched around his head, your hand dragging through his hair as your orgasm ripped through you sharp and fast, your hips jerking under his mouth as he kept going, licking you through it like he needed to make sure you felt every second of it.
He didn’t stop until you pushed at his head with a shaking hand, breathless and ruined.
Even then—he kissed the inside of your thigh, slow and reverent, eyes heavy-lidded and hungry. Your slick was smeared across his chin, his lips red and glistening.
“Fuck,” you murmured, voice hoarse.
He looked up at you like you were holy. “Now let me fuck you.”
You lay back against the pillows, your thighs slick and parted, the diamond catching flickers of candlelight as your hand dropped to your side. Breath steadying. Body humming.
Bucky stood slowly, still panting slightly, eyes never leaving you. You watched him reach for the hem of his shirt, grip it tight, and pull it over his head in one smooth motion.
You always loved watching him strip.
It wasn’t even about the muscle—though that was perfect too, buff and scarred and solid—it was the way he offered himself. Like the moment his skin was bare, he belonged to you again.
He unbuckled his belt next. His pants hit the floor in seconds, and your eyes dropped to his cock—already flushed, thick, twitching, and leaking for you.
You bit your lip, letting your legs fall wider.
“Come here.”
He climbed onto the bed without hesitation, crawling between your thighs with a low grunt, hands already spreading you open again like he couldn’t get enough.
But he didn’t line up just yet.
No—he stared.
Then he reached for your cunt with his flesh hand first, sliding two fingers through your slick, watching them glisten. He dragged them up, circled your clit lazily, and then brought them back down to tease at your entrance—slow, just enough to make you twitch.
“Still so wet,” he rasped, his voice thick with awe. “Fuck, baby…”
You lifted your chin, smirking through your haze. “That’s what happens when you use your mouth instead of your attitude.”
He huffed a laugh against your inner thigh, then pushed his fingers in—two at once, filling you with ease. Your back arched slightly, the stretch so much bigger than your own touch had been.
He curled them just right. Pressed deep. His thumb rubbed at your clit again in tight, controlled circles as he watched your face like it held all the answers.
You moaned, soft and breathy. “Just like that. Fuck—James.”
He groaned, forehead pressing to your thigh for a second, then looked back up at you, pupils blown wide.
“I can’t wait anymore,” he said, voice rough, honest.
You just smiled and tilted your hips toward him, cunt still fluttering around his fingers. “Then don’t.”
Bucky pulled his fingers from you slowly, watching the way your cunt clenched even after they were gone. You were still dripping, the insides of your thighs slick, the scent of your arousal thick in the air.
He shifted forward on his knees, hand wrapping around the base of his cock.
Thick. Hard. Heavy. The head flushed, already leaking pre-come.
He didn’t thrust in right away.
No.
He dragged the tip through your folds first, slow and deliberate, groaning low in his throat as your slick coated him. Up and down, again and again, catching on your clit just enough to make you jolt.
You sucked in a breath, thighs twitching, but didn’t tell him to stop.
He pressed his cock against your entrance—not pushing in, just resting there, teasing you with the weight of it—then pulled back to glide through your heat again, slower this time.
“Fuck,” he breathed, jaw clenched. “You’re so wet. I could slide in without even trying.”
You grinned, your voice low and mocking. “Then stop trying so hard.”
He huffed a laugh, his free hand gripping your thigh, holding you open.
Another slow grind of his cock through your folds.
And then—
He lined up properly. Pressed forward.
And sank into you.
Your mouth dropped open, a breath catching deep in your chest as he filled you in one steady, unforgiving thrust. No rush, no hesitation—just a smooth, deep slide that had you gasping by the time his hips met yours.
“Fuck—” he groaned, head dropping for a moment, his forehead brushing yours. “You feel like heaven.”
You clenched around him, pulling him deeper, dragging your nails across his back.
“You feel like mine,” you whispered.
And then he started to move.
He started slow—just for a second—dragging his cock out until only the tip remained inside you, then slamming back in with a force that knocked a sharp moan out of your throat.
Then again.
And again.
And again.
Relentless. Deep.
The sound of his hips slapping against your ass filled the room, loud and filthy, mixed with the wet drag of your cunt pulling at him like your body knew it was built for this.
You gripped his arms tight, nails digging into muscle and metal— and for a split second, your eyes caught on the contrast of your hand against his vibranium bicep.
The Pink Star flashed.
The diamond, shining and delicate, pressed against matte vibranium.
“Oh,” you gasped, laughing breathlessly even as he fucked you through it, “that looks so good together—”
Bucky grunted above you, hips stuttering just a bit. “Baby—”
You squeezed tighter, legs wrapping around his waist, dragging him in deeper, tighter. “Don’t stop. Just—god, sweetie—look at it.”
He didn’t.
He couldn’t.
His face was buried in your neck now, teeth scraping your skin as he rutted into you, desperate, panting, gone.
“Fuck, you feel so good—so fucking tight, always—can’t—”
You clenched around him on purpose, smiling through your moans. “You gonna come already, baby? Or do I have to ride you ‘til you cry?”
He groaned—deep and broken—his thrusts growing erratic, harder.
“Say it,” he growled. “Say you’re mine.”
You arched beneath him, the diamond catching one last flicker of candlelight as he slammed into you over and over, the bed creaking, your body singing.
“I’m yours,” you gasped. “Yours, baby. Just don’t stop.”
He didn’t.
Not until he was buried so deep inside you it felt like you were one breath away from breaking apart completely.
His vibranium hand pinned both your wrists above your head, the cool metal firm against your skin, holding you open, helpless beneath him—not that you ever minded. You loved when he held you like this. Controlled you like this.
You felt his rhythm stutter for just a moment—his breath catching as his eyes flicked up, just barely—
To your hand.
To the Pink Star glittering on your ring finger, pressed tight beneath his palm, your fingers flexing under his grip every time his cock punched into you deep.
“Yeah,” he rasped, letting out a breathless, wrecked laugh. “You’re right, baby. That does look good.”
Then he slammed into you, harder, rougher—dragging a cry from your throat as your back arched off the bed.
“Fuck, baby—this pussy’s mine,” he gritted out, jaw tight, fucking you like he needed to brand it into your body.
“You are mine,” you panted, breath breaking into soft, frantic sounds as your orgasm coiled sharp in your gut. “All of you—this cock—your mouth—your fucking arm—mine.”
His head dropped to your shoulder as he groaned, full-body shaking, thrusts messy now, erratic, hips slamming into you over and over. The head of his cock dragged right against that perfect spot inside you, over and over, until your legs trembled and your cunt clamped around him—until suddenly he pulled out, slick and heavy, leaving you gasping at the loss.
You didn’t have time to complain.
He grabbed your hips, hands rough and urgent, flipping you with practiced ease. His metal hand pressed into your lower back, firm but not harsh, guiding you down to the mattress until your spine arched perfectly, ass up, face against the sheets.
You loved when he got like this.
When the control slipped just a little. When his restraint cracked open and you could feel the desperation underneath.
“Just like that,” he muttered, voice hoarse, reverent. “God, look at you…”
You felt him stroke the head of his cock through your folds again, dragging it through the mess between your thighs.
Then—he slammed back in.
Hard. Deep.
You let out a choked moan, fingers clutching the sheets as he gripped your hips and fucked you harder than before. The angle was brutal — his cock hitting deeper, faster, the sound of skin on skin now filthy and loud.
“Fuck, darlin’, you’re so tight like this,” he growled, pounding into you with sharp, perfect thrusts. “You love it—don’t you? Letting me bend you. Letting me take you.”
“Yes—yes, James—fuck, don’t stop—”
He grunted, grabbing a fistful of your hair with his flesh hand, pulling you up just slightly, your back still arched, mouth slack and moaning. His other hand stayed locked on your hip, keeping you in place, keeping you right where he wanted you.
Your whole body was shaking, orgasm coiling tighter, your cunt clenching around him again and again.
“You gonna come for me like this?” he rasped against your shoulder. “Bent over like my perfect fuckin’ toy?”
You nodded, nearly sobbing, hips pushing back against him. “Yeah—I’m—fuck, James—I’m gonna—”
“Come,” he growled. “Do it for me.”
And you did.
Your orgasm hit hard, but Bucky wasn’t finished.
Not even close.
He pulled out just long enough to haul you back against him — one strong arm wrapping around your waist, the other anchoring your thigh as he dragged you into his lap. Your back met his chest, slick skin to slick skin, his cock sliding between your folds again as he settled you down on top of him.
You let out a sharp gasp as he thrust up into you from below—hard and deep—the new angle making your whole body jerk, your cunt already pulsing from how wrecked you were.
He held you there, tight against him, your legs spread wide across his thighs, his metal hand gripping your jaw as he turned your head.
You didn’t resist.
Your mouth found his in a hungry, desperate kiss — your tongues tangling immediately, breathing each other in like you needed it. His kiss was filthy and soft at once, the kind that tasted like devotion wrapped in lust, the kind that said I’d die for you, but first I’m going to fuck you until you forget your own name.
He fucked up into you hard and fast, your bodies slapping together, your breasts bouncing with every thrust as he moaned into your mouth.
“That’s it, baby,” he groaned, lips dragging to your jaw, your neck, kissing everything he could reach. “You take it so fucking good… tight little cunt just pulling me in—fuck—I’m so close—”
You could barely breathe, your head dropping to his shoulder, one hand gripping his thigh, the other tangled in his hair as he fucked you through another aftershock, your body shaking in his arms.
“James—fuck—I want it—want you to come inside me—”
His whole body jerked.
And then he did.
With a broken groan against your neck, his cock throbbed deep inside you, pulsing hard as he spilled into you, hips stuttering with each twitch, his arms wrapped around your waist like he couldn’t bear to let go.
He held you there. Still. Breathing hard.
Your cunt still fluttered around him, your whole body sticky and spent and trembling.
You smiled against his shoulder, breathless, boneless, full.
And he kissed the side of your face like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Then his breathing slowed, heartbeat thudding heavy against your back as the last few pulses of his orgasm faded. You stayed there, slumped against him, skin sticky with sweat, his arms still locked around your waist like he wasn’t ready to let go.
But then he shifted — carefully, gently — kissing the curve of your shoulder as he pulled his cock from you, slow and deliberate.
You whimpered softly at the loss.
The stretch, the heat, the fullness—all of it slipping away as his cock slid free, dragging through your soaked folds one last time.
And then you felt it.
Warmth.
His come leaking out of you, thick and heavy, trickling slowly down the inside of your thigh.
You sighed, content. Possessed. Ruined.
Bucky let out a soft, wrecked sound behind you—half groan, half awe—as he looked down between your bodies and saw it.
“Fuck,” he breathed, voice low, reverent. “Look at that.”
His metal hand drifted down your stomach, tracing over your pelvis before his fingers slipped lower—collecting his own spend as it spilled from your cunt.
He rubbed it in. Slow. Gentle. Almost like he was marking you with it.
“Messy girl,” he murmured, kissing the side of your neck. “You love when I fuck it this deep, don’t you?”
You let out a soft, satisfied hum, still dazed, your hand reaching back to curl around his thigh. “Just like I said…” you whispered, voice lazy, lips curling into a small smile. “Everything that’s yours is mine.”
His chest rumbled behind you. And he didn’t argue.
You exhaled slowly as you slid off his lap, your legs wobbly, your thighs still sticky with him. He caught your arm gently to steady you, but you were already shifting back onto the bed, sprawling lazily across the sheets like a queen returned to her throne.
You stretched, just a little, then sighed.
“Run me a bath,” you murmured, voice hazy but firm. “And bring me another nightgown, please. One of the white silk ones.”
He didn’t hesitate. Didn’t question.
“Yes, baby.”
He leaned down to press a kiss to your shoulder, then stood — naked, flushed, his cock still glistening with you as he padded toward the bathroom first to start the water.
The soft sound of running water filled the space.
Then he disappeared into your closet.
The doors opened into a space almost as large as your bedroom — walls lined with mirrors, plush carpet underfoot, the scent of your perfume hanging faint in the air.
One side was filled floor to ceiling with clothing: dresses, robes, gowns, coats arranged by fabric and color. Beneath them, rows of heels, boots, and custom shoes in velvet-lined cubbies.
The other side?
Glass cases and open displays sat under soft lighting, each one housing a piece that could bankrupt a small country. Famous jewels that had vanished off the face of the earth—now resting silently in your private gallery.
The Luxembourg Sapphire.
The La Peregrina Pearl.
The Florentine Diamond.
Bucky walked past it all with the quiet, familiar interest of someone who’d seen it all before… and still felt like he wasn’t supposed to.
He didn’t touch anything.
He just found the white silk nightgown you asked for—thin, sleeveless, soft enough to slide over your skin like water—and brought it back to you.
You were still on the bed, eyes half-lidded, legs open, the candlelight dancing on your still-exposed skin.
“Bath’s almost ready,” he said softly, offering the gown.
You took it without a word, slipping it on slowly, deliberately. And smoothed the silk down over your thighs, the fabric catching just slightly where your skin was still sticky and flushed.
You looked up, and there he was.
Still watching you.
His body was relaxed, but his eyes were locked on yours — heavy-lidded, reverent. Like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to touch you again or just stand there and thank god you let him breathe the same air.
You lifted your arms slowly, languidly, wrists loose, fingers curled just slightly.
“Take me to my bath?”
Your voice was low. Barely a question.
His mouth twitched, lips curling into something soft, a little wrecked.
“‘Course, darlin’,” he murmured.
And then he stepped close, bent down, and slid his arms under your legs and behind your back — lifting you like it cost him nothing.
You sank into his hold, arms curling around his shoulders, nose brushing his neck as he carried you into the bathroom.
Later That Night
The room was quiet now, save for the faint hum of the city through the barely cracked window and the occasional creak of the bed shifting under your bodies.
The candles had mostly burned down, little pools of wax cooling in their glass bases, shadows soft and heavy across the walls. The sheets were a mess beneath you—kicked halfway off the bed, damp with sweat, and still carrying the scent of sex and silk.
You were naked again, your white nightgown discarded somewhere on the floor after round two had turned slow and rough—deeper, more desperate.
Now, you were draped half on top of him—chest to chest, your thigh slung over his hips, toes brushing his shin. His cock lay soft and spent between you, trapped under the weight of your thigh, resting against the hard plane of his stomach, still tacky with the evidence of just how hard he’d come inside you.
Your cheek was pressed to the side of his throat, your nose brushing lazily along the sharp line of his jaw as your lips planted slow, wandering kisses.
His arms were around you, one hand splayed wide on your lower back, the other lazily gliding up and down your spine—not really comforting you, more like soothing himself. Like keeping you close was the only thing holding him steady.
Your fingers toyed lightly with his hair, the weight of the Pink Star still glinting faintly in the low light as it caught against the strands at his temple. You hadn’t taken it off.
You never took your newest prize off the first night. It was a rule. Possession needed to be felt after all.
But this?
This was the part of the night no one else ever got to see.
No cruelty. No teasing. No commands.
Just you. A little sleepy. A little warm. Nuzzling his neck like a cat in her favorite sunspot, soft kisses trailing down his pulse point.
Bucky didn’t speak. He never did first. He just let you have this—his body, his warmth, the silence.
Because this was the closest thing you ever came to asking for comfort. And he knew that.
Your lips brushed his neck again, slower this time—less a kiss, more a lingering press of your mouth against his pulse. Your breath was warm on his skin, your fingers lightly tracing the edge of his jaw.
You didn’t lift your head. Didn’t change your tone. Just whispered.
“You won’t make me give back my diamonds… will you, James?”
The question hung in the dark between you—delicate, heavy, threaded with something that wasn’t quite fear but not far from it.
It wasn’t about the Pink Star.
Not really.
It was about the whole closet of them. The ones you stole before you met him. The ones you wore like armor. The ones no one ever understood. The ones that made people think they knew you—when they didn’t.
But he did.
You didn’t look at him as you said it. Just buried your nose in the crook of his neck, lips brushing his collarbone as you pressed another soft kiss there—almost like an apology.
He was quiet for a moment.
Then his arm curled tighter around your back.
His vibranium hand slid up the length of your spine with that same slow rhythm, fingertips dragging gently, almost reverently, like he was tracing the edges of something precious.
“No, baby,” he said softly. “I won’t make you give back anything.”
Your lashes fluttered against his skin as you breathed him in—warm and steady and always there. You didn’t answer his words. Didn’t say thank you. You just pressed another kiss to the hollow of his throat, your hand now lazily tracing down the slope of his chest, not teasing—just feeling.
It was quiet again.
But you weren’t done. Your voice was barely more than a whisper.
“You love me, don’t you?”
It wasn’t coy. It wasn’t playful. Just soft. Raw. Honest.
Like if he didn’t answer, the silence might fill with something too sharp to swallow.
He turned his head just slightly, lips brushing your temple, breath fanning across your hair.
“I do,” he whispered. “God, I do.”
Your hand stilled against his chest.
Then, a little quieter—
“You need me?”
His grip on your back tightened for just a second, like his body responded before he could.
“Yeah, baby,” he whispered. “More than anything.”
You didn’t speak right away. Your mouth just trailed lower along his jaw, pressing the kind of kisses you never gave anyone else. Slow. Thoughtful. Like you were imprinting yourself into his skin.
And then—
You breathed it into the space between his throat and shoulder. Quiet. Dangerous.
“You’ll never leave me…?”
His hand lifted to the back of your head, cradling it gently, thumb brushing your hairline.
“Never.“
His voice was firm now. Steady. Certain.
“Even if the whole world turns on you,” he murmured, “I won’t. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”
You didn’t say anything else. Didn’t need to.
His hand stayed at the back of your head, stroking slow, mindless circles as your body finally started to sink against him—your breathing evening out, your leg still thrown over his hips like you were anchoring him to the bed.
The Pink Star glinted faintly in the low light, still on your finger, resting against his ribs as your hand settled over his heart.
And somewhere, in that half-conscious haze between desire and sleep, your mind wandered.
Diamonds.
You had hundreds of them.
Tucked away in velvet and glass, sealed behind locks and systems no one could break.
Each one rare. Priceless. A little dangerous.
But none of them compared to him.
He wasn’t flawless. Wasn’t carved or polished. He was scarred. Weathered. Real.
And he was yours.
Your most precious diamond.
You wouldn’t give him back either.
Ever.
Not even if the whole world demanded it.
You smiled against his neck, the last of your thoughts slipping into sleep as his arms tightened just slightly around you.
And you didn’t need to say you’re his.
That part was obvious.
Bucky when his girl is so obviously guilty and in the wrong:
everyone is born with a mark that matches their soulmate’s. but what if the red room erased yours before you were old enough to remember it?
word count: 15.7k+ ~ warnings/tags: 18+ only mdni! smut, post thunderbolts, ex widow reader, angst, themes of fate vs choice, heavy mutual pining, no use of y/n, reader is implied to be shorter than bucky, bucky is a level 84827282 yearner, mentions of trauma associated with the red room and hydra, pov switches, oral, reader is afab
author’s note: i haven’t posted anything for bucky in monthsss. this took me an embarrassing amount of time. i think i struggled with this more than anything else i’ve ever written but thanks to @fru1t4fr0gs continuous love and encouragement, i finally finished it after more than two months of writing.
i tried to keep physical descriptions to a minimum but this fic does feature soulmates being born with matching tattoos, birthmarks, scars, etc. also, this fic was inspired by “the prophecy” by taylor swift ♡ i highly recommend giving it a listen!
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
Soulmate.
A word that fills most people with hope and peace.
Hope for those who have yet to find their other half, but know that it’s only a matter of time. Peace for those who have already found them, and fall asleep each night knowing that they’re exactly where they’re destined to be.
For others, it can be a word synonymous with grief. They found their soulmate and had to say goodbye to them too soon.
But for you, it means nothing. There’s no warmth, but also no ache. No hope, but no loss, either.
Because there’s no point in hoping for something that’s impossible, and you can’t lose what you weren’t allowed to have in the first place.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”
You smile, and shake your head. It’s the third time she’s asked in the last half hour. You appreciate the invitation, but the thought of being a fifth wheel is somehow more depressing than spending your Friday night holed up in your bedroom eating an egregious number of peanut butter cookies by yourself.
“I’m sure, Lena.” You try your hardest to sound convincing. “It’s been a long week, anyway. I’m just going to relax and catch up on some laundry.”
She gives you an understanding look. At this point, you know she expects you to find some kind of partial truth based excuse to avoid whatever plans she, Bob, Walker and Ava have.
You can’t help it. It gets to you more than it should - seeing Walker and Ava walk hand in hand while Bob has his arm around Yelena’s shoulder and you awkwardly stand to the side or trail behind them.
It wouldn’t be as big of a deal if Valentina hadn’t used it as a marketing tactic to win people over. The New Avengers: not only did they save all of New York from being consumed by interconnected shame rooms, but four of them found their soulmates in the process!
It’s an effective strategy, you’ll give her that much. Really pulls at the heartstrings. People go fucking crazy over it.
“If you change your mind, you know where we’ll be,” she tells you gently before exiting the kitchen to catch up with the others, leaving you to finish baking your cookies. You exhale, roll up your sleeves, and turn back to the bowl of dough on the counter.
Everyone on the team has their own little rituals. Walker wakes up at the ass crack of dawn every morning to go on a run, no matter the weather. Yelena drinks peppermint tea before bed every night. Baking is your thing.
It’s usually a good distraction. It keeps your hands busy and your mind quiet enough. But tonight, on the six month anniversary of the New Avengers forming, your thoughts are louder than usual.
Tonight makes six months of watching almost all of your teammates fall into the kind of love that you have only ever dreamed about. Walker and Ava. Yelena and Bob. Even Alexei has his soulmate in Melina, Yelena’s mother figure.
You drop another scoop of dough onto the baking sheet and for probably the millionth time, you wonder how different your life would be if your soul mark had survived. If you’d only been old enough to remember what it had looked like before the Red Room erased it. Like Yelena. Hers too had been taken from her, but not before she was old enough to commit it to memory - the initials RR written in black cursive letters on her wrist.
But you’d been even younger than her when the Red Room took you, and you have no memory of what your mark looked like or where it had been on your body.
They vary person to person. Some soulmates are born with matching tattoos, others identical birthmarks or scars. Had yours been your mate’s initials, like Yelena and Bob? Or a constellation like Walker and Ava? Maybe a small, heart shaped scar like Alexei and Melina.
Whatever it had been, the Red Room did a phenomenal job of getting rid of it. You’ve inspected your body from head to toe more times than you can count throughout the years, and you’ve never been able to find the faintest trace of what could have once been a soul mark.
“Chocolate chip?”
A familiar voice interrupts your thoughts as you place the cookie sheet in the oven. You glance over your shoulder to find Bucky taking a seat at the kitchen island, undoubtedly returning from the gym or an evening run.
“Peanut butter, actually,” you hum, trying to ignore the way your heart rate spiked at the sight of him, flushed face and glistening skin.
“Peanut butter? You must be feeling adventurous. Friday night is usually chocolate chip night.”
“What can I say?” You sigh, unable to stop the way the corners of your lips quirk upwards. “Felt like changing things up.”
“It’s my lucky night then. Peanut butter is my favorite.”
Your cheeks heat up. You know peanut butter is his favorite, but you don’t tell him that. Just like the way you’ve memorized how he takes his coffee, or the exact protein powder he prefers - details he’s never actually said aloud, yet somehow, you know. Little things that stick in your mind without effort, even though he isn’t yours to take such notice of.
No matter how much you may wish that was the case.
You might know what his favorite kind of cookies are, but you don’t know the one thing you wish to know the most about him. Where or what his soul mark is.
You’ve never seen it, so it’s safe to assume that it isn’t somewhere highly visible, like his wrist or neck. But you can’t stop yourself from wondering sometimes - what does his mark look like? Has he found his soulmate? He’s single now, but has he always been alone? Maybe it was someone he knew a century ago, before the war? Before Hydra? Before his innocence and bodily autonomy were stripped away? Someone old and gray now, or someone that he’s already lost?
Or is he still searching, all these decades later?
As curious as you are, you don’t ask. Asking someone about their soul mark is like asking about their weight or salary. It’s taboo - you just don’t do it. If they volunteer the information, fine. But Bucky has never mentioned his mark or his mate, so it remains as much of a mystery to you as your own mark.
You realize that you’re staring at him and try to play it off. “Really? I would’ve guessed chocolate chip’s your favorite by the way you ate over half of them last week.”
There’s a look of exaggerated hurt on his face, but he can’t hide the amusement in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’d say that to your most loyal taste-tester.”
You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well, my most loyal taste-tester is going to have to start pulling his weight if he’s going to keep eating half of the product.”
“Pulling my weight?” His brows shoot up. His eyes dart back and forth from yours to all of the ingredients and baking supplies spread across the kitchen island. “I mean, I’d be happy to, but you’re gonna have to teach me.”
“Teach you?” You snort, unsure if he’s just messing with you. “Have you never made cookies before?”
“Well, not from scratch, no,” he admits with a sheepish grin. “But it’s better to learn at 110 years old than to never learn at all, right?”
You purse your lips to refrain from looking too excited at the prospect of getting to spend your Friday evening teaching him to make cookies, but you don’t doubt that it reaches your eyes. You can think of very few ways that you’d rather spend your time, but you don’t want to seem overeager. He probably just doesn’t have anything better to do tonight.
“I suppose it is your lucky night. I just so happen to have enough ingredients left for one more batch.”
He comes to stand beside you on the other side of the island. With all of the ingredients already on hand, you slide the mixing bowl in front of him. If he really wants to learn to bake cookies, the best way to do so is a little hands on experience.
You can’t help but think he looks a little apprehensive as he picks up a measuring cup. “Don’t tell me the Winter Soldier is intimidated by baking.”
He rolls his eyes, his already flushed cheeks turning a deeper red. “By baking? Psh. No. By how you’re going to critique my cookies? Maybe a little.”
“I’ll try to go easy on you,” you promise. You hand him a piece of paper with your handwritten recipe on it. “Now start by combining the peanut butter, unsalted butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, and vanilla. Then mix all of that together until it’s smooth. Sound easy enough?”
“I think I can handle that.”
You take a seat on one of the barstools beside him and watch as he takes his time measuring each ingredient before dumping them into the mixing bowl.
Right away, he’s focused. His brows knit together and his lips are pressed in a firm line - by looking at him, you’d think he’s trying to diffuse a bomb instead of measuring out a cup of peanut butter. You try not to stare too hard, but you find it quite endearing.
It’s impossible to not notice the way a thick lock of his dark hair falls into his face when he leans over the bowl, or the way he seems to bite the inside of his cheek when he’s concentrating particularly hard on getting the measurement of the brown sugar just right.
It’s a far more gentle and domestic version of him than you see most days. It hits you how much you long to see this side of him more often. No training, no missions, no teammates surrounding you almost always.
For a moment, you allow yourself to pretend that soulmates don’t exist. That no one has marks that tell them who they should be with. It would be so much easier, in a lot of ways, you think. At least for people like you.
He turns to you, interrupting your thoughts as he shows you the pale brown mixture in the bowl. “Like this?” He asks, an almost eager smile on his face.
“Perfect,” you hum, hoping that your face doesn’t give any of your thoughts away. He smiles, visibly pleased with himself at your praise, and waits for the next set of instructions.
So you do all that you know how to do - push your thoughts down and enjoy this moment for what it is. Even if it’ll never be anything more.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
Bucky had lied to you, and he doesn’t regret it.
Well, partially lied.
Peanut butter cookies aren’t his favorite anymore. They had been - but these days he’s more partial to chocolate chip, thanks to you making the best chocolate chip cookies he’s ever had.
But an excuse to spend the evening with you is a valid reason for telling a white lie, in his opinion. He had been telling the truth when he told you that he’s never baked cookies from scratch before.
What can he say? Baking wasn’t exactly something he was interested in back in his twenties, and he’s been busy, to say the least, since he was pardoned a few years ago. For the first time in over seventy years, life is just now settling down enough for him to think about something as mundane as baking.
No, he’s never cared about baking too much, but that started to change about six months ago. Not even forty-eight hours had passed since The Void had nearly succeeded in turning New York into a giant cloud of shame rooms when he followed the scent of cinnamon and vanilla to the Watchtower’s communal kitchen, where he found you making cinnamon rolls from scratch.
You had been so immersed in rolling the dough into a perfect log that you hadn’t noticed him enter the room. Right away, his eyes were drawn to the dusting of flour that you’d somehow managed to get all over your cheek. He couldn’t help but think back to just forty-eight hours prior when instead of flour on your face, it had been blood and grime from the aftermath of The Void. You were just as pretty then, he thought, but there was something so peaceful about you in that moment that he couldn’t stop himself from watching you.
Until you inevitably looked up and saw him staring at you like a creep.
He had yet to decide whether he wanted to stay at the Watchtower or go home. Valentina had announced to the entire world that you’re all members of the New Avengers and an invitation to live in the Watchtower had been extended to the whole team, but Bucky already had his own place in Brooklyn - a city that had just started to feel like home again.
Did he really want to terminate the lease to his private apartment and move into the Watchtower with a bunch of people that he barely knew and Walker?
But as he stood there and watched you cut the rolled dough into equal sized pieces, the answer became clear to him: with you here, this is place could easily feel like home to him, too.
He felt a little crazy for thinking so. He barely knew you. He’d only met you a few days ago, but every time he was in close proximity to you, he felt it - a faint, phantom tingling sensation deep in the vibranium plating of his left forearm.
Right where his soul mark used to be.
Six months later, he still has to convince himself that he’s imagining it. Even if his mark hadn’t been ripped from his body when he fell from that train nearly a century ago, that isn’t how soul marks work. They aren’t magnets. They don’t tingle or glow or ache when one is in the general vicinity of their soulmate.
It’s wishful thinking for something that he’ll never have. That’s all. His mate is probably in a senior care facility or six feet under already.
He knows this. Reminds himself of it as he falls asleep each night. You and him - the two of you aren’t Bob and Yelena. Or Walker and Ava. No, the two of you didn’t get quite so lucky. His mark exists only in his memory and yours is a mystery even to you.
He wonders though, when he’s reminding himself of these things, if it would really be so crazy to forget about it all - soul marks, destiny, fate - and just choose each other.
Because when he looks at you, he finds it hard to care about the lack of ink on your skin. He thinks about what his own mark looked like, and the thought of yours having been different doesn’t lessen his feelings for you.
Maybe it should. Maybe he should hold out hope that his mate is still out there, waiting for him with a mark identical to the one he once had.
But the thought of that doesn’t excite him like it should. It fills him with a sense of dread. Because in the unlikely event of finding his soulmate at 110 years old, he’d be forced to face the reality that it isn’t you.
So instead, he hangs onto the tiniest sliver of hope he feels every time the phantom itch in the crevice of his vibranium arm flares up.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
“This sure would be a lot easier if someone could fly.”
The twelve foot tall tree in the middle of the New Avenger’s common area is almost fully decorated. Through the combined efforts of all seven of you, the branches of the bottom two-thirds of the tree now twinkle with ornaments and lights of every shape and color.
There’s no theme whatsoever, and it looks like a bunch of five year olds got their hands on it, but it’s been a lot more fun than you expected it to be. You don’t remember the last time you decorated a Christmas tree. Plus, Walker has only been somewhat of a control freak.
Bob rolls his eyes at Walker’s teasing and hands Yelena another ornament from where he stands at the base of her ladder. “Why don’t you try to fly, Walker?” says Yelena, always quick to match his energy. “Just step right off of that ladder and give it your best effort.”
You shake your head at them, focusing on the shimmery gold ornament in your hand. Unlike Yelena and Walker, you don’t have a ladder, instead choosing to add a final few ornaments to the bottom half of the tree. The branch you want to hang it on is just out of reach, even standing as tall as you possibly can on the tips of your toes. You lean a little farther, wishing your arm was just an inch longer—
Yelena yelps and Walker curses as the entire tree shifts slightly. Your foot slips on the tree skirt and you brace yourself to fall directly into the tree when firm hands grab onto your hips from behind, steadying you.
You instinctively step back, trying to put space between you and the gargantuan tree before you can completely knock it over, your back colliding with a solid mass that stops you in your tracks. You’re vaguely aware of Walker scolding you to be careful, but all you can focus on is the stark contrast of warm skin and cold metal on either side of your waist.
“I assumed that Alexei would be the one almost accidentally knocking over the tree,” Bucky laughs lowly. You feel the soft vibration of it against your back. Only when you tilt your head to look up at him does he drop his hold on your waist and step back.
“He doesn’t have enough eggnog in him yet,” you mumble, your cheeks hot from the sudden close proximity. “Give it another hour and we’ll see if this tree is still standing upright.”
Without taking his eyes off of you, he takes the ornament that you’d been attempting to hang on the tree out of your hand and comes to stand beside you. “Where did you want this?”
“Oh - uh,” you look away from him, back to the tree in front of you. Your eyes dart around, suddenly unable to pinpoint the branch that had seemed like the perfect spot just moments ago. “Just…right here,” you shrug, motioning to a random branch in the general vicinity of where you’d been reaching.
He smiles, placing the ornament on the branch without any difficulty. Show off.
“Is that good?” He asks, his gaze back on you.
“That’s perfect.” You nod a bit too quickly and your voice sounds breathier than intended, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything.
He’s just being helpful, you tell yourself. He didn’t want you to fall into a tree. You would’ve knocked the entire thing over and dozens of ornaments would have shattered and then—
Yelena calls your name, breaking the tension between you. She’s climbing down from her ladder with an amused expression. “We are completely out of ornament hooks. Will you come with me to buy more?”
Something about the look on her face makes you nervous to say yes, but the alternative is to stay here and try to pretend like Bucky didn’t just make your brain completely short circuit, so you agree.
As soon as the elevator is in motion, she turns to you with a smile that makes your stomach tie itself in knots.
“I have a confession to make.”
You exhale. “Let me guess. We aren’t actually out of hooks?”
“Nope.”
You brace yourself. This would not be the first time she’s broached the subject - you and Bucky. She’s made little teasing comments here and there over the last few months, but she’s never pushed you too much. But between finding an excuse to get you alone and the look on her face, you know your luck has run out.
“So,” she continues, infuriatingly casual. “Who do you think will be the first to break? You or Bucky? Personally, I think it will be Bucky. Bob thinks it could go either way, but I suppose only time will tell.”
You snort, refusing to look her in the eye. Not that it matters - she can see right through you, anyway. “I hate to disappoint, but you’re wasting your time placing bets on me and Bucky. We’re just friends. That’s all. You know that,” you add in a smaller voice.
From your peripheral vision, you can see her shaking her head. “Just friends do not look at each other like that.”
“And how do we look at each other, exactly?”
You can’t help it. The question leaves your lips before you can stop yourself. It shouldn’t matter. The answer serves no purpose other than satisfying a selfish curiosity. Whatever she says won’t change the truth of the matter: you and Bucky will never be anything more than you are right now. Whatever that is.
“He…looks at you like you hung the moon and stars. Like you are the moon and stars, really.” She may have been joking about her and Bob betting on your love life, but she’s completely serious now. “And you…well, you look at him like he is the only thing you really want but will not let yourself have.”
The elevator comes to a stop at the first floor of the Watchtower. A large group of people are waiting to enter as soon as the doors open, and you can’t help but feel grateful for the brief moment it gives you to process what Yelena had just said. She grabs you by the arm, looping hers through yours as she guides you through the throng of people.
You don’t even bother trying to argue. Do you really believe that Bucky looks at you as if you hung the moon and stars? No, but Yelena does, and when she has truly made up her mind about something, there’s no point in trying to convince her otherwise.
“I don’t suppose it really matters, does it?” You sigh. “At the end of the day, facial expressions aren’t what make people…” You trail off, unable to bring yourself to say the word. It tastes a little more sour every time you do.
“Soulmates?”
“Yeah,” you grimace. “Soulmates.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. Just hums to herself in thought. Then, she hugs your arm tighter, as if you might go sprinting down the street at what she says next.
“Have you ever considered that it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does?”
You tense beneath her touch. “That’s easy—”
“Easy for me to say, I know,” she interrupts. “I know our situations are not exactly the same. I do not know how you feel. But I am not blind. I see the way you look at each other…it reminds me of how Bob and I look at each other. How Walker and Ava look at each other. How every pair of soulmates I have ever known have looked at each other.”
When you don’t respond, she continues. “It is only natural for you to wish to know the truth. But you may never get the answers you long for. Does that really mean you should resign yourself to being alone for the rest of your life when love is right in front of you?”
You swallow hard, trying to force down the sudden lump in your throat. “I don’t think it’s that simple.”
“Maybe not,” she agrees. “But simple or not, it’s still a choice that you have. The Red Room tried to take that choice away from you. All I’m saying is that you should not let them.”
You could tell her to drop it. Part of you wants to. Part of you wants to say but they already did. But deep down, you know she isn’t entirely wrong.
Truthfully, you’ve never had much of a reason to care. For as long as you can remember, you have told yourself that it doesn’t matter - the lack of answers. The matter of choice. You had resigned yourself to a life of solitude a long time ago. You’d made peace with it all. At least, as much as you could.
But that was before you met someone that made you want to say screw destiny and question all of the rules.
That was before Bucky.
“You’re really nosey sometimes. You know that?”
She snorts a laugh. “I might be nosey, but I am also right. Usually. Most of the time.”
You roll your eyes. “That’s reassuring.”
“Let me ask you this,” she implores. “If you were to find out today that he is not your soulmate, would it change the way you feel about him? Or would you still love him?”
“No pressure to answer me,” she continues quickly. “Just…give it some thought, yes?”
As if it doesn’t already consume your every waking thought.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
Bucky had been naive to think that he’d actually get to sleep in today. He hasn’t had a Saturday off in nearly two months, why would today be any different?
No, he isn’t surprised when his phone buzzes with a text from Valentina to the team’s group chat demanding a last minute meeting at the crack of dawn this morning.
Zero indication as to what is so urgent, of course. That’s not Valentina’s communication style. Just be at this place, at this time, and don’t ask any questions.
He’d been having the best dream, too. A dream he’s had more times than he can count - not all that much different than what he daydreams about while awake, but it always feels more lifelike when conjured by his subconscious.
You, prancing around an apartment that overlooks the city. He doesn’t recognize the place, but it looks how he’d imagine home to be. Low, soft lighting and a vase of fresh wildflowers on a dining room table just big enough for two. Occasionally, a small white cat makes an appearance, weaving herself between Bucky’s legs and purring in an effort to get his attention.
You never say a word. You don’t need to. He’s content to watch as you chop vegetables at the kitchen island, bare-faced and wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt. Every few minutes, you glance up from your task and smile at him.
It’s simple. Impossibly so. There’s no New Avengers, no missions or impending doom. It’s just you and him, somewhere entirely your own. And it always ends too soon.
Reality is never quite as sweet.
Listening to Walker, Yelena, and Valentina all try to talk over each other at seven o’clock in the morning on a Saturday, before he’s had a chance to take a sip of coffee… that’s his reality.
You sit directly across from him, slouched back in your chair and pinching the bridge of your nose with your eyes closed. Bucky is at least attempting to hide his displeasure at this morning’s agenda, but yours is on full display. This doesn’t surprise him in the slightest, as you aren’t much of a morning person even in the best of circumstances.
“Alright, alright!” Val snaps at Yelena and Walker with enough bite to shut them up. Then, addressing the whole group with a sarcastic smile, “How lovely of you all to join me this morning.”
“Didn’t really have a choice, did we?” Ava mumbles.
“No, you didn’t,” Valentina agrees. “I have a flight to Mumbai to catch in a few hours so I need to get this over with.” In front of her are a stack of manila folders. One at a time, she slides the folders across the table to each member, starting with you.
Bucky watches as you open yours with a yawn, your tired expression morphing into something between confusion and unease within seconds of skimming the first page. Your eyes dart back and forth between Valentina and whatever it is you’re seeing. Bucky opens his folder the second it lands in front of him.
“What the hell is this?” You ask, not bothering to hide the annoyance in your voice.
Bucky’s eyes scan the first page. Key words catch his attention: Slovakia. Decommissioned Hydra warehouse. Low frequency signal detected. Encrypted, Hydra coding.
He knows this facility. He’s never been there personally, but he knows someone who has.
Someone sitting directly across from him, looking like she’s seconds away from jumping across the table and throttling Valentina or throwing up.
“This should be straight forward,” Val answers. “Details can be found in the dossiers I’ve given you all. All you really need to know is that there’s some kind of low frequency signal pinging from what should be an inactive Hydra base in Slovakia. The site was flagged three days ago. It’s weak and intermittent, but seeing as how Hydra fell over a decade ago, it should not exist.”
“So? What?” Yelena huffs. “You want us to do a welfare check on a haunted warehouse?”
“You’re verifying that the site is empty,” Val clarifies impatiently. “If it’s not, you neutralize whatever is there and secure anything of value. Files, tech, archives.”
Your eyes snap back to Valentina at that.
“You know your way around, I presume?” Val directs the question at you. “You were stationed there for a brief time, after all.”
Your face is unreadable. Bucky normally prides himself on being able to read you like an open book, but right now, he’s drawing blanks. When you’d first opened the folder, you looked like you were seeing a ghost. Now, your expression is impassive - eerily calm for someone who has just learned they’re being asked to return to a place they were once held prisoner and pumped full of drugs that took away their free will.
Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re thinking, you’re doing a great job at hiding it.
“If by brief time you mean over ten years,” you say flatly, “then yes. I know my way around.”
“That’s why you’re running point on this operation. No one else has been—”
“It can’t be too difficult of a place to navigate, can it?” Bucky speaks up for the first time since entering the briefing room. “Most Hydra bases are roughly the same. I’m sure that the five of us can handle it ourselves.” He glances around the room at Yelena, Ava, Walker, and Alexei. “I don’t think it’s necessary to make her go back—”
“I’m fine, Bucky,” you interrupt, gentle but firm. “No one is making me do anything.”
“Perfect.” The annoyed look on Val’s face is quickly replaced with a satisfied smirk. “The jet leaves in twenty-four hours. You’re dismissed.”
And just like that, the meeting is over. Chairs scrape back against the floor. Ava and Walker are already halfway to the door, Walker muttering something about Val wasting his weekends under his breath. Alexei follows, declaring he’s going to sleep the entire flight to Slovakia. Only Yelena hesitates, looking at you as she stands. She seems to be searching for the same answers as Bucky, but when you don’t look up from the folder in front of you, she reluctantly follows the others.
Bucky doesn’t move.
You slowly close your folder with a steady exhale. When you finally stand, you don’t look at him. You’re the only two left in the room, and you don’t say a word to him as you start to walk towards the door with the folder clutched to your chest.
“Hey,” he calls softly, standing to follow you. “Wait.”
You stop just short of the entryway. For a second, he thinks you won’t turn around at all. When you do, your expression isn’t quite as stoic as it was moments ago. Your face mostly remains neutral, but there’s a storm of emotions in your eyes.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” He asks, his voice low even though you’re alone now. “Going back there?”
You give a small shrug. “We’ve had plenty of missions far more complicated than this.”
He frowns. “That’s not what I asked. I’m asking about you.”
“I know what you’re asking, Bucky,” you say flatly, “and I said I’m fine. I’m going with you guys. Alright? Drop it.”
You’re turning around and walking away before he can get another word out. He stands there, staring after you with his mouth agape and your name on the tip of his tongue.
He feels it as he watches you disappear down the hallway. The faint but undeniable phantom itch in the bend of his vibranium arm. His flesh hand comes to rest atop the spot where his soul mark used to be.
It may as well be a tiny devil perched on his shoulder urging him to chase after you.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
You don’t go back to your room.
You take the file and go straight to the roof of the Watchtower. It’s windy, and cold, but the alternative is your bedroom where the silence is just a little too loud right now.
There’s something about the hum of the bustling city below that serves as calming white noise to your mind when it’s whirling. So, you often come up here when you need to clear your head.
There’s a small part of you that expects - and selfishly hopes - that Bucky will follow you. Still, you aren’t surprised when he doesn’t. You’d been short with him when he had shown concern for you, and he didn’t deserve that.
You’ll apologize to him later. It’s probably for the best that you aren’t near him at the moment, anyway. Looking at him will only make you second guess what you’re about to do.
Of course you don’t want to go back to Slovakia. Going back there is something that had never even crossed your mind until Val said the word archives and a lightbulb went off in your brain.
Archives that might not even exist anymore. That might have been destroyed ages ago. That might have never existed in the first place.
Archives with information about you.
You had been stationed there for over a decade, after all. You and dozens of other widows at various points. There had to have been some sort of records about all of you. Personal history, special abilities, weaknesses. Operations and procedures you’d undergone throughout your life. Maybe, just maybe - the smallest maybe possibly ever - documentation about your soul mark and its removal.
It’s a long shot. But it isn’t impossible.
And if you’re ever going to get an answer to the question that most people never even have to ask themselves because the answer is displayed on their bodies, this is your chance. What are the odds that you’ll ever have another?
You tighten your grip on the file in your hands as if the wind might carry it away. You try to read through the first few pages of the dossier, but all of the words just run together on the page. After trying to read the same paragraph for a fifth time, you slam the folder closed with a huff.
You can’t retain any of the information because you can’t get his fucking face out of your head.
Every time you picture his ocean eyes, or his plush pink lips, or his effortlessly perfect hair that most people would only be able to achieve with the help of a Dyson Airwrap, it makes your conversation with Yelena replay in your mind.
Have you ever considered that it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does?
If you were to find out today that he is not your soulmate, would it change the way you feel about him?
Or would you still love him?
Deep down, you know the answer. No, it wouldn’t make a difference. You’d love him. You’d love him no matter the truth.
But he has a mate. There’s someone for him, somewhere. And maybe, just maybe, if you can see proof that you have a mate - that there’s someone, somewhere meant for you - it’ll at least lessen the ache that you feel in your chest every time you look at him.
That’s what you’re going to keep telling yourself, anyway.
“I can tell that you’re plotting something.”
The sudden voice makes you nearly jump out of your skin. You jerk your head around fast enough to give yourself whiplash, though you know who it is before you see him.
“I’m not sure what it is,” Bucky shrugs, thumbs hooked in the front pockets of his jeans. “But I know you well enough to know you’re plotting something.”
You huff, though this time it’s more out of amusement than frustration. You look away from him, back to the morning skyline in front of you. “How’d you know that I’m up here?”
Soft steps thud against concrete until you feel his shoulder brush against yours.
“Like I said. I know you well enough.”
You hum. He might be a little cocky, but he isn’t wrong.
Here you are, as suspected. Plotting.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” you say, partially because it’s true and partially because it’s easier to apologize than it is to confirm or deny his assumption. You glance at him to find that he’s already looking at you.
He shrugs again. “I’ll let it slide if you tell me what you came up here to think about.”
You sigh. You know him well enough, too. Well enough to know he isn’t going to drop this easily. You breathe in, bracing yourself for what you’re about to say. Bracing yourself for whatever his reaction may be.
“I’m thinking about something I’m going to do in Slovakia.”
He shifts his weight, turning to face you fully and leaning against the railing. “Okay,” he says patiently. “Do you want to tell me what that is?”
You swallow hard, choosing to stare down at your hands instead of meeting his eyes.
“There might be files in the base,” you start. “Might be leftover archives. Records with information about the widows that were stationed there.” Your face warms under his stare but you still can’t bring yourself to look up. “I want to check. I want to see if there’s anything about me. About my past, what was done to me as a child. About what was…taken from me.”
For a moment, the silence between you is filled only with the sound of traffic below and the low howl of wind. And then—
“Okay,” he murmurs.
Your head snaps up. You blink. “Okay..?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “If you think there’s something there worth looking for, then we will look.”
We.
You shake your head. “No. You don’t have to—”
“I know.” His voice is gentle, but there’s no trace of pity. “I know I don’t have to. But you shouldn’t have to face that alone.”
Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. You aren’t entirely sure what you expected him to say, but it wasn’t this - no hesitation, no questions asked.
It makes your chest ache in a way that you can’t fully explain. There’s gratitude, but there’s also fear. Gratitude that he’s willing to help you with something so deeply personal. Fear that maybe the outcome - should you actually succeed in finding what you’re searching for - won’t affect him either way.
It crosses your mind, just for a split second, that you should ask him right then and there. What is your soul mark? Is it on your chest, your ribcage, your back? Do you hope that mine looks exactly like it?
But you don’t. You’re too scared of the answers.
“It might be a giant waste of time,” you murmur instead. “I don’t even know for certain if there were ever any files to begin with. Let alone all these years later…”
“If it helps bring you peace of mind,” he says softly, his gaze unwavering, “then it isn’t a waste of time.” He offers a small smile, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You deserve answers. Whatever they may be.”
You nod because you don’t trust your voice enough to speak.
Best case scenario? A slight tremor in your voice when you try to say thank you.
Worst case scenario? You word vomit every thought you’ve had since learning you’ll be returning to Slovakia.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
Bucky wishes that he could be selfish when it comes to you. With every fiber of his being, with every molecule, he wants to be selfish.
And if he loved you just a little bit less, he would be. If he didn’t love you enough to care more about your happiness than his own, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you that he doesn’t want you to step foot anywhere in Slovakia.
But he does love you that much. He loves you enough to stand by your side as you search for the revelation that fate says you belong with someone who isn’t him.
Not only stand by you - actively help you make that discovery.
Because if anyone deserves to know the truth, if anyone deserves that shot at finding true love, it’s you. Even if it leads to you eventually finding your soulmate and he has to watch you fall in love. Even if it isn’t with him.
“So, what’s the plan?” Bucky murmurs low enough that none of the other super-soldiers in the jet can hear him, taking a seat directly across from you. “Val put you in charge here, so I’m assuming you have a plan. What are we doing?”
Yelena is piloting with Ava beside her in the cockpit. Walker is cleaning his guns a few yards away and Alexei appears to be sleeping, but he isn’t snoring loudly enough to rock the whole damn jet, so Bucky isn’t convinced.
A couple hours into the nine hour flight to Bratislava, you’re curled up in one of the leather seats by the window with the mission folder open across your lap. You sit up straighter, your knees brushing against his.
“My memory is a bit hazy since I was under chemical subjugation the whole time I was there,” you say quietly, closing the file and glancing out the window beside you. “But from what I can remember, the building’s layout was relatively straight forward. I doubt it has changed very much.”
“We’ll sweep the basement,” you continue, now looking at him. “You and me. If there are any sort of archives, that’s where they’ll be. Yelena and Alexei will take the east wing and Ava and Walker will take the west. If they find anything of concern, we abandon our little side quest and go to them right away. Even if things go smoothly, we won’t have a lot of time to search. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes max.”
He nods in agreement. “However much time we have, we’ll make it count.”
You purse your lips, once again looking back to the endless expanse of ocean and sky outside of the jet. You’re nervous - he can tell by the tension in your jaw and the way you’re fidgeting with a ring on your thumb. He just isn’t sure if you’re more scared of not finding answers… or finding them.
“Hey.” He leans forward and braces his forearms on his thighs. His hand comes to rest on your knee - a featherlight touch to remind you that he’s there. That he’s with you, no matter how this goes. Your gaze flashes down to his flesh hand on your leg and then to his face.
“I mean it,” he murmurs. “We’ll take however much time we can get it. If there’s anything down there worth finding, we’ll do everything in our power to find it.”
You huff a humorless laugh. “You seem awfully sure for someone who’s never seen the place.”
He shrugs, his lips quirking ever so slightly. “Call it a gut feeling.”
That’s what he’s been calling it, anyway. Because he doesn’t know how else to explain the way he just knows that by this time tomorrow, everything will be different.
For better or for worse.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
The abandoned base is somehow even colder than you remember it being. Despite the well below freezing winter temperatures, you’re sweating through your tactical suit.
Yelena had noticed that you were distracted. Of course she had noticed. You’d barely been able to give everyone their mission instructions because your thoughts were running wild with all of the unknowns - all of your questions that may or may be answered by the time you’re back on the jet.
You’d tried your hardest to lie through your teeth and assure her that you’re fine. You doubt you were very convincing, but thankfully she didn’t have time to hound you before she needed to land the jet.
Like muscle memory, you find your way down to the lowermost level with Bucky right beside you. He’s been uncharacteristically quiet since your conversation on the flight to Slovakia, but the warmth from his arm brushing against yours every few steps is enough to keep you from completely spiraling at the unwelcome familiarity that has crept into your bones since you crossed the threshold of the building.
The overhead lights are long dead, leaving only the illumination of your flashlights to guide the way. Every sound feels infinitely louder down here, from the scuff of your boots against the concrete to the slow, steady drip of water from somewhere in the distance.
“This is it,” you whisper, more to yourself than to him. “This is the last level. I think.”
Bucky nods. “You’re doing good.”
You want to laugh at that. Your hands won’t stop shaking and your heart is beating so hard it feels like it’s trying to break out of your ribs. You’re barely keeping your composure.
A left turn. Then a right. You don’t have to think about it. Your body begins to remember the path, even if your brain wishes it didn’t. Soon, you stop in front of a rusted metal door. An old biometric lock is nothing but a dead panel now, a spiderweb of cracks running across the busted screen.
Bucky steps forward without hesitation. He wedges his metal fingers into the seam of the door and pulls. The screech of rusted hinges ricochets down the empty corridor, loud enough to make you flinch.
“Sorry,” he murmurs. He isn’t looking at the door - he’s looking at you, checking if you’re still with him. “You okay?”
You swallow and nod once.
Inside, the room is dark and the air is thick with dust and disuse. But the outline of shelves and dozens of tall, metal filing cabinets are visible in the glow of your flashlights.
Your stomach somersaults. This has to be it. If anything is to be found, it’s in this room. Bucky called it a gut feeling, but you feel it in your bones.
You don’t even know where to start. This had been one of the very few rooms completely off limits to the widows. Of course, you’d never questioned it at the time, but now you hope that the restriction had been in place to prevent you and the other girls from discovering certain information.
Bucky shines his flashlight towards the far right of the room. “We’ll start on opposite sides,” he suggests quietly. “Meet in the middle?”
He pauses, his gaze settling on your face before taking a step inside the room. He looks like he wants to ask are you sure you’re ready for this?
You wouldn’t know how to answer that if he asked. But you came all this way, so you suppose you have no choice but to be ready.
“Okay,” you whisper.
You move to the nearest cabinet. The metal handle is icy beneath your fingers. You hesitate for half a heartbeat and then pull it open with a rusty screech.
Inside are rows and rows of old manila folders, each labeled in Russian. You curse under your breath - your Russian is a bit rusty to say the least. You primarily spoke Slovak and Hungarian.
Dates. Identification codes. Names that you don’t recognize. Words in a language you aren’t fluent in.
You take a deep breath and begin flipping through the files. One by one, line by line, until you’re confident that each one contains nothing of value.
You try to move as strategically as possible, forcing yourself not to rush even though the voice in the back of your head keeps reminding you that you don’t have much time. Any of your teammates could call for help at any given moment.
Most of the files are filled with incident logs and mission reports, some are behavioral assessments of girls who may or may not still be alive. You don’t recognize any names.
You grab one at random and flip it open.
Not you. Another widow - someone you didn’t even know that you remembered until right now, looking at a grainy, black and white Polaroid of her young face.
You can feel your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
Is she still alive? Did she make it out of this place? Has she found safety? Happiness? A life for herself, like you have?
“Any luck yet?”
Bucky’s voice snaps you out of your trance. You clear your throat, quickly closing the file and cramming it back in the drawer.
“No,” you murmur, voice strained. “Nothing yet. Nothing about me.”
You keep going. Third cabinet, then fourth, then fifth.
Your stomach feels as if it is tying itself in knots, each drawer that turns up empty making bile rise higher in your throat. Maybe this was stupid. Maybe there’s nothing here. Maybe Bucky was wrong, maybe you were wrong, maybe this is a waste of time and—
Your fingers halt on a tab. The label is faded and the ink is smudged with age, but the writing is still visible. Still legible. Numbers - it’s how they identified you. Widows were just numbers to them. Just assets. Not people worthy of names.
“Bucky.”
Your voice is only a notch above a whisper, but he hears you. He pauses what he’s doing right away and walks the short distance to where you stand frozen with the manila folder clutched in your trembling hands.
“68465,” he breathes, then glances up at you. “That’s you?”
“Yeah,” you whisper. “This is me.” You place the flashlight you’re still gripping tight on top of the filing cabinet to take the file in both hands.
You could be seconds away from answers. From closure.
Still, you hesitate. Your mouth goes painfully dry and your fingers hover over the cover as you’re hit with the overwhelming realization that whatever you see when you open this file cannot be unlearned. Once you open it, there’s no going back.
But you came all this way for this. 4,263 miles, to be exact.
You take a deep breath and start to pull the cover back.
“Wait.”
Bucky’s vibranium hand closes around your wrist before the folder opens a fraction of an inch. You freeze, looking up at him. He’s already looking at you, mouth parted like he’s on the verge of saying something but holding himself back.
“What?” You breathe. “What is it?”
He doesn’t drop your hand. His grip is loose enough that you could pull away if you wanted to. But you’re still frozen in place, your heart pounding in your chest.
“Before you open that, there’s something you need to know. Something that I should have told you before now,” he says, voice low.
You nod because you don’t trust your voice enough to speak.
“I don’t care what that file says,” he starts, looking at you with a kind of intensity that you’ve never seen from him before. “It doesn’t matter to me.” He pauses, exhaling a shaky breath.
You shake your head meekly. “I don’t understand—”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
The confession is followed by the kind of silence that would allow you to hear a pin drop from down the hallway. You blink, trying to convince yourself that this isn’t your subconscious playing some kind of twisted joke on you.
Your body feels numb except for where the icy vibranium of his fingers still grip your wrist. You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.
“I’m sorry if that’s weird for you to hear,” he continues, swallowing thickly. “I know my timing isn’t great. But I needed you to hear it. At least once. Before everything changes. I’m in love with you. Even if you open that file and find out that you’re meant to be with someone else. Even if your mark looks nothing like mine, it won’t change the way I feel about you. I’ll love you just the same as I do right now.”
You hold your breath the entire time he’s speaking, only exhaling when heavy silence settles over the room and you feel lightheaded. A thousand different questions race through your mind.
“Bucky—”
Crackling static from your comms interrupt whatever thought hasn't even finished forming inside your head when you speak his name.
Yelena’s voice fills the silence and Bucky finally drops your hand.
“Guys? We think we found the source of the signal,” she calls, blissfully unaware of what she is interrupting. “Looks like some old equipment came back online. Probably just wires short circuiting from the recent snowstorm.”
Walker’s voice pours from the comms next, muttering some complaint about traveling so far for nothing, but you’re not paying attention to him.
Neither is Bucky. His gaze drops from your face down to the file in your hands.
“Barnes?” Yelena calls, followed by your name. “Can you two hear us?”
You click on your comm without looking away from him. “Yeah,” you answer, your voice cracking. “We hear you. Let’s get out of here.”
It’s not that you want to walk away from him. It’s that you can’t fucking think straight while he’s looking at you the way that he is. Like you have the ability to break his heart into pieces with whatever you choose to say next.
And even if you didn’t know that was possible until two minutes ago, breaking his heart is the last thing you ever want to do. But he just dropped a nuclear level bomb and said the last words you ever fucking expected him to say to you.
You don’t know what to think. What to feel. You’re torn between kissing him, looking in your file for the answers you came here for, and screaming at the top of your lungs.
You do none of these things, of course.
Instead of doing something in the heat of the moment that you might regret, you tuck the file under your arm and turn to walk away.
You haven’t even taken three steps when a hand closes around your wrist again. This time, warm skin instead of vibranium. You immediately come to a halt - both your steps and your breathing.
“Say something,” he pleads, voice low. “Anything.”
You don’t look back. Can’t quite bear to face him. At least until you’ve had a chance to clear your head and attempt to make sense of what you’re feeling right now.
But you don’t pull your hand away, either.
“I just need some time to think,” you whisper, though it feels like you’re shouting in the eerily quiet warehouse basement. “I don’t know what to say, Bucky. I just..need some time.”
His fingers twitch around your wrist like he’s debating whether he should let go or hold on. “Okay,” he whispers back. “I can wait. When you know what to say, you know where to find me.”
God. He’s so good. Gentle, patient, understanding. Even now, when you can’t bring yourself to say the one thing he most wants to hear.
You nod because your throat is too tight for words. You nod because if you open your mouth, you’ll let your heart make a decision that you aren’t ready for.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
The flight is calm in the familiar way that they usually are after missions. Everyone is ready to be home, and annoyed that the trip to Slovakia was essentially for nothing.
Well, to their knowledge, it was for nothing. Everyone except for Bucky remains unaware of what transpired in the warehouse basement, as you had managed to conceal your file in the interior of your tactical vest until you made it back to the jet.
Yelena was quick to curl up under a blanket across the aisle from you, her face now lit by the glow of her phone as she FaceTimes with Bob. Walker and Ava are cuddled up on a cot that is far too small for the both of them, already fast asleep. You’re not really sure where Alexei is - probably raiding the nonperishable food supply in the back of the jet.
Bucky, who detests flying and usually does everything in his power to get out of doing so, took it upon himself to pilot the trip back to Manhattan.
As soon as everyone was properly distracted, you crammed the file into your duffel bag. Out of sight, but far from out of mind.
You’d been so sure that you were moments away from answers. And you had been - just not the answers that you were expecting.
Bucky loves you. He’s in love with you.
You haven’t gone a full minute without replaying his exact words in your head since he first said them.
I don’t care what that file says. It doesn’t matter to me. Because I’m in love with you. I needed you to hear it. At least once. Before everything changes.
Say something. Anything.
But it isn’t any of these words that echo the loudest in your mind. Not the confession or the pleading for a response. No, it’s something else that he said - something that answers a question you’ve had since you met him but never had the courage to ask.
Even if your mark looks nothing like mine, it won’t change the way I feel about you.
The implication of the words isn’t lost on you. Maybe your mark doesn’t match his - but there’s a chance that it could. There’s a chance it could because he’s never found his soulmate.
Not at any point in the thirties or forties. Not during the war. Not when he was in and out of cryofreeze for decades, not during his time in Romania or Wakanda, not after the blip.
The weight of that truth sinks in as you lift your gaze toward the cockpit. You can only see the edge of his profile from here, the line of his jaw illuminated by the soft light of the controls.
The sight of him makes your chest ache. You dig your nails into the leather of your seat to resist standing up and going to him right now.
He loves you. Not because he’s meant to, not because a mark on his skin tells him to, but of his own free will. And that’s enough for you. More than enough - enough to keep the file closed and choose him, too.
And when you get back home, that’s exactly what you plan to do.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
Bucky doesn’t remember the walk from the jet to his bedroom. He barely even remembers going through the motions of showering five minutes ago, let alone flying a jet from Slovakia back to New York.
Honestly, it’s a miracle that he got everyone back safely. The last thing he should have been doing was piloting a fucking jet, but he needed something to focus on other than you.
You, and what he said to you, and how you looked at him in the old archive room where he begged you to say anything.
Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. Maybe he should have just let you open the file. But he knew that once you did, he may never have the chance again. He knew that if he didn’t say it then, he may never say it at all.
And saying it hadn’t felt wrong. How could it? He meant every word. He meant it when he said he loves you, he meant it when he said that he doesn’t care if your mark doesn’t match his, and he meant it when he said that he can wait for you.
He sinks down on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, hair still damp from the shower and dripping onto the floorboards. He should be exhausted. He is exhausted. The digital alarm clock by his bedside reads that it’s nearly four in the morning. But his mind hasn’t stopped spinning since the moment you pulled away from him in that cold, musty archive room.
He has yet to stop replaying the look on your face. Equal parts disbelief and shock mixed with something that he wants to believe was longing. You may not have verbally returned his sentiments, but the way you’d looked at him had given him hope. At least a little.
He doesn’t blame you for not answering. Hell, what answer had he expected? You’d literally been holding the file in your hands and he physically stopped you from opening it when you were seconds away from learning crucial information about yourself.
Information you’d been denied your entire life. Information that he had no idea what it was like to not have. At least, not in the same way as you. He may have lost his arm, and with it his soul mark, back in the forties when he fell from that train - but he eventually regained his memories. This was your only chance to know what most people know about themselves their whole lives.
And he’d essentially asked you to choose him without knowing it. Without knowing anything other than he loves you.
That wasn’t fair.
He wonders if you’ve opened the file yet. Or if you crawled in bed and fell asleep as soon as you closed the door to your bedroom. Or if you happen to be wide awake and borderline spiraling like he is right now.
A quiet sound pulls him from his thoughts. A soft, tentative two tap knock against his bedroom door.
He freezes. For a split second, he thinks he imagined it - that it’s just sleep deprivation and he’s hallucinating. But a moment later, he hears it again.
“Bucky?” You call softly from the other side of the door. If he didn’t have heightened senses, he likely wouldn’t have heard you at all.
He’s on his feet before his brain makes the conscious decision to move. When he opens the door, you’re standing there. Barefoot in plaid pajama shorts and a tank top, file clutched to your chest.
“Hi,” you whisper. Your voice is hoarse, like you haven’t used it since the warehouse.
Bucky swallows. “Hi.”
“I know it’s late but…” You shift your weight nervously, looking down at the ground. “Is it okay if I come in?”
“Of course,” he murmurs, stepping aside and opening the door wider for you. “Always.”
For one, impossibly long moment, neither of you speak. You pause near the foot of his bed, looking like you aren’t sure if you should sit or continue to stand.
He parts his lips to speak when you take the words right out of his mouth.
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out.
He stiffens. “Sorry? For what?”
“For…back there.” You lift your eyes to meet his. “For not saying anything. For just walking away and leaving you hanging.” Your throat bobs as you swallow. He opens his mouth to tell you that you don’t owe him any kind of apology, that he shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that, that he understands - but you keep speaking before he can.
“I haven’t looked,” you murmur, looking down at the file in your hands. You release a shaky breath and toss the folder onto his bed. “Haven’t opened it. I didn’t even touch it again until I came here.”
His breath catches in his chest. He tries not to look relieved - knows he shouldn’t feel that way, but selfishly does. “You didn’t?”
“No.” You shake your head. “There’s something else I want to do more.”
You take a step closer to him. And then another. And another, until you’re close enough that he can feel warmth radiating from your chest and smell notes of vanilla from your perfume. Until you’re close enough that he can count each individual eyelash.
He doesn’t move. Couldn’t even if he tried.
Your eyes lock onto his, seemingly searching for some hint of hesitation that you aren’t going to find. Then, your gaze flickers to his lips and he swears his heart stops beating until the moment he feels your lips touch his.
The first brush of your lips is featherlight and still manages to send a shock through him. Your hands hover against his chest for a brief moment before curling into the fabric of his t-shirt and pulling him down to you.
He melts. There’s no better way to describe the way his vibranium hand grips your waist and flesh hand raises to cup the side of your neck, tilting your head slightly to deepen the kiss.
You’re somehow even fucking sweeter than he imagined you’d be. One taste of the birthday cake flavored balm on your lips and it suddenly makes sense why he fell from that train over seventy years ago.
He tries and fails to swallow a groan as your fingers trail up his chest, over his shoulders and into the still damp strands of his hair.
You let out the tiniest whimper against his mouth when his tongue rakes over the swell of your bottom lip and he’s convinced he’s dreaming. He had to have passed out when he got home and this is one of his dreams on steroids.
He’d happily stand here and kiss you until you both pass out from lack of oxygen or exhaustion, but you pull away all too soon.
“Did you mean it?” You breathe, spearmint breath fanning across his lips.
He doesn’t need to ask what you’re referring to.
“Yes,” he whispers, immediate and more sure than ever. “More than you know.”
You close your eyes with a shaky exhale, cupping his face in your palms. “That’s all I need. That’s all that matters to me.” You lean up on the tip of your toes, pressing your lips to his once more. It’s brief but still knocks the air from his lungs all over again. Before you pull away, he notices that your cheeks are damp and he can’t tell if it’s from your tears or his own.
“I love you, Bucky,” you whisper. “And I choose you. Of my own free will. Regardless of what any mark or piece of paper says, I love you.”
He doesn’t know who kisses who this time, but that doesn’t matter. All he can think about is the way you said you love him.
I love you, Bucky. I choose you.
Regardless of what any mark or piece of paper says.
It would be so easy to lose himself in this. Too easy to pick you up and carry you the short distance to his bed and continue to kiss you all over as you tell him exactly what he wants to hear until the sun rises.
Which is why it takes every ounce of strength he has to tear his mouth from yours - breathing hard and eyes squeezed shut like it physically pains him to stop.
“Wait,” he manages, missing the way you taste the second he pulls away. “Hold on just a second, baby.” The petname slips from his lips without a second thought.
Fuck, he hopes he won’t regret his next words.
You look up at him, dazed, and drop your hands from his face. “What’s wrong? Did I do something—”
“No, no. God, no,” he huffs, planting his hands firmly on either side of your waist. “Not at all. You have no idea how badly I want this. How badly I’ve wanted this for so long. But the last thing I want is for you to have any regrets. You deserve to know the truth. The whole truth.”
You shake your head, your eyes boring into his. “Bucky, it doesn’t matter—”
“Look… whatever is in there, it changes nothing for me. But it’s yours. It’s a piece of you that you deserve to have before making any decision. So please… don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself. Look in the file. And no matter what you find, if you want me, I’m yours.”
You exhale something between a sigh and a laugh. Then, a smirk blooms on your face. “If I look in the stupid file, will you let me keep kissing you?”
He releases a breath that he hadn’t even realized he was holding in. He smiles. “Of course.”
You stare at him for another moment before reluctantly stepping out of his hold and turning to where the file still rests on his bed.
His hands fall to his sides and he forces himself to stay still. To let you walk two steps without reaching for you again, to give you space until you’re ready to share whatever you may find. He doesn’t move, doesn’t sit, doesn’t even breathe. He just watches as you sit down on the edge of his bed, taking the file into your hands.
You glance up at him one final time, as if you’re expecting him to change his mind and tell you to stop. When he doesn’t, you take a deep breath and flip open the cover.
He watches as your eyes skim the first page before flipping to the next. At first, your expression is impassive, giving nothing away. Then, upon flipping to a third page, he hears a sharp intake of breath. He can’t see what you’re looking at from where he’s standing, but the way your teeth dig into your bottom lip and your brows knit together tell him what it must be.
“It’s your mark,” he murmurs. “Isn’t it?”
You don’t answer right away. Your fingers trace over something on the page. Then, slowly, without looking up at him, you nod.
His stomach sinks. He knew it was coming, but yet his stomach still sinks. He hesitates for a moment longer before taking a tentative step towards you, still unsure if you want him to see. Then, you angle the folder enough for him to catch a glimpse.
A Polaroid. A three inch by three inch square picturing a tiny arm. Too small. Barely the size of his fucking hand. And on that tiny arm, right in the ditch - right where his soul mark once decorated his own skin - is dark lettering. He can’t make out exactly what it says, but the location and positioning is so similar to his own that his knees nearly buckle.
“It’s in Russian,” you huff, holding the photograph out to him.
The brief hope he’d felt immediately disappears.
His soul mark hadn’t been a word in Russian - his had been a word in English.
Home.
“My Russian is rusty. What does it say?” You ask softly.
He reluctantly accepts the picture. His heart plummets at the sight of your tiny arm. You couldn’t have been more than two or three years old. He focuses on the soul mark in the bend of your arm. The picture quality is grainy but he can still make out the Russian letters.
The picture nearly falls out of his hands.
“дом.”
“дом?” You repeat, dumbfounded. “What does that mean?”
But his brain is reeling. His heart feels like it’s beating a mile a minute.
“Bucky?”
He opens his mouth, but no words come out. Just a breathless, incredulous laugh that leaves you looking more confused than ever.
He’s going to answer you. He’s going to tell you what your soul mark translates to in English. But first, there’s something he wants to find.
In just three large strides, he’s to the closet on the opposite side of his bedroom. He flings the door open and crouches down, sifting through random storage totes and boxes on the floor as you question what the hell he’s doing from behind him.
He knows he looks like a lunatic right now. But it’ll all make sense to you in a matter of moments, if he can just find—
There.
A manila folder. Similar to yours that lies on his bed just feet away. A folder that, years ago, Natasha Romanoff had managed to get her hands on. A folder that she gave to Steve when he first began his search for Bucky after learning that he was still alive. A file that, like yours, contains photographs of him.
Various photographs. One of him at just twenty-seven years old, in his army uniform. One of him in a cryofreeze chamber. And lastly, the one he’s about to show you.
A picture taken the day he fell from that train in 1945. A picture that has made him sick to his stomach every time he’s looked at it, until now.
Because now, it isn’t just the last picture ever taken of his left arm - mangled and bloody and barely attached to his body before Hydra fully amputated it and replaced it with a metal appendage.
Now, it’s physical, undeniable proof of what that pesky phantom itch in the ditch of his vibranium arm has tried to tell him since he first met you.
That you’re his soulmate.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
“Bucky, what the hell are you doing?”
It’s the third time you’ve asked that exact question in the last sixty seconds.
You can see what he’s doing - rummaging through his closet on his hands and knees. What you don’t know is why. He hadn’t given you any explanation as to what he’s doing - what he’s looking for.
He said a word in Russian - presumably the word that was once displayed on your arm - and started ripping shit out of his closet like his life depends on it.
“Jesus Christ,” you mumble, sitting down on the edge of his bed. “If you’re not going to tell me what you’re looking for, will you at least tell me what дом means? I didn’t bring my phone with me so I can’t exactly ask Google Translate—”
He turns around, a rectangular photograph visible in his hands. You freeze mid sentence.
“It means home,” he murmurs, his expression calm. A soft smile that reaches his eyes. He stands up and walks over to you, stopping when he’s standing directly before you. He holds the picture out.
“Home?”
You take the picture. At first glance, you grimace at the sight, not even entirely sure what you’re looking at. It’s an arm - barely attached to a human body cut off from the rest of the picture. No face, but you quickly deduce that it’s him. Then, after processing the initial shock of what you’re looking at, your eyes settle on black lettering in the middle of his arm.
Home.
It’s English. Not Russian like yours. But it’s on the exact same arm, exact same location, exact same font. Same word. Just a different language. Like Yelena’s and Bob’s marks - each other’s initials. They may not be identical, but they’re still a perfect match.
You look up at him to find him smiling at you. “Home,” he repeats quietly, as if he’s still trying to believe it himself.
“Does this really mean what I hope—”
“Yes.” His answer comes before you can finish your question, his voice gentle but certain. “That’s exactly what it means.”
You blink rapidly, fighting a losing battle with the tears that threaten to spill over. “You’re my soulmate. I’m your soulmate.”
They aren’t questions. Just facts - beautiful facts that you want to scream to the skies, but it’s the middle of the night and everyone else in this tower is undoubtedly asleep, so you’ll settle for saying it loudly enough for the two of you alone to hear.
“I am,” he hums. “You are. Always have been.” He crouches down in front of where you still perch on the edge of his bed, kneeling on both knees before you. “I’ve waited more than a century to be able to say that.”
You lift one hand and rest it gently on his jaw, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He seems to melt into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut. You just stare at him, overwhelmed with emotion and at a loss for words.
He’s so fucking pretty. You can’t help but feel a little silly for thinking so at a time like this, but it’s true. He’s so pretty. His hair - his beautiful hair that you get to run your fingers through. His gorgeous ocean eyes that you get to gaze into. His lips. Oh god, his lips that you get to kiss because he’s yours.
He’s really yours.
“Come here,” you murmur.
He braces his hands on either side of your hips on the mattress, pushing himself up just enough that your faces are inches apart. You can feel the warmth of his breath against your lips. He’s close enough that you can see every fleck of blue in his eyes. Close enough that he could kiss you if he leaned forward a fraction of an inch.
“I love you,” you hum. He swallows hard, like he’s having to physically hold himself back from pinning you to the mattress at the sound of those words leaving your lips.
His hands settle on your sides, one warm and one cold. You aren’t sure which causes goosebumps to erupt across your skin. His intoxicating scent, his close proximity, the feeling of his fingers twitching against your waist - it all makes you feel lightheaded. If you weren’t already sitting down, your legs would surely turn to jelly.
“I love you,” he breathes, his eyes darting between your eyes and your lips. “Remember how I said you could keep kissing me if you looked in the file?” Heat pools in your core. Your mouth goes dry. Too dry for you to form a verbal response, so you just nod dumbly.
“Yeah? You should do that now.”
Your heart thuds at the gentle command. You barely have time to register it before he leans in and closes the last sliver of distance between your lips and his.
This kiss makes the first ones seem tame by comparison. You quickly realize you had both been holding back, but there’s none of that now. No caution, no restraint. Just months and months of tension and longing pouring from one into the other.
You pull him onto the bed with you by the collar of his shirt until you’re lying flat and he’s hovering above you, caging you to the mattress. He supports himself with his vibranium armed braced next to your head, his flesh hand caressing the side of your neck as he explores every inch of your mouth with his tongue.
Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him flush against you. Through his sweatpants, you feel the firm press of his erection between your legs and involuntarily roll your hips, earning a low, guttural groan from him.
He pulls his mouth away from yours with a breathless laugh before attaching his lips to the column of your throat. He sucks the flesh between his lips and then soothes the bite with a kiss before peppering more down your neck, all while you rock your hips against his.
There’s an unprecedented type of want blooming within you. It isn’t a want, it’s a need - like if you don’t get as close to him as humanly possible, you’re going to fucking combust.
You grab the hem of his shirt and begin to tug the fabric upwards. He realizes what you’re doing and leans back on his knees to yank his t-shirt over his head, tossing it to some far corner of the room.
With his long brunet hair falling around his face and his pink lips kiss-swollen, he looks ethereal staring down at you in the soft orange glow of the lamp light. Your gaze drifts to the jagged scar carved along his shoulder, and then lower - over the broad planes of his chest, the sharp dip of his hips revealed by low-hanging sweats, and the unmistakable outline straining against the thin fabric. Heat coils low in your belly, wanting nothing more than to touch every inch of him.
“You’re so pretty,” you hum, voice unrecognizable with adoration and arousal. Pretty is the understatement of the century, but you can barely form a coherent thought.
He blushes pink. “Pretty,” he scoffs lowly, shaking his head, though he can’t conceal the smirk growing on his lips. “You’re one to talk.” He trails a vibranium finger along the waistband of your pajama shorts before hooking it inside, pausing before moving the fabric. “Is it okay if I take these off and make you feel good?”
“Yes.” You can’t find it in you to care if you sound too eager, because you are. Your panties are uncomfortably sticky and the ache in your lower belly is growing by the second, desperate for release. “Please.”
He eases the cotton material, along with your underwear, slowly down your thighs and calves and then discards them haphazardly behind him. Feeling awkwardly half-dressed in only your tank top, you sit up just enough to yank it over your head before you can talk yourself out of it.
You’re left completely bare before him. Normally, if someone looked at you the way he is right now, you’d feel the urge to hide - to cover your chest with your arms or turn away. But with him, you feel none of that. You feel the opposite. You feel seen in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you need to shrink. You’re happy to open yourself up for him because you’re made for him. And he’s made for you.
His gaze drags down your body and back to your face, his normally bright eyes dark. “Ты идеальна,” he whispers, voice strained but still soft.
Heat blooms across your cheeks and you exhale a shaky laugh. “Gonna have to tell me what that means,” you murmur. “My Russian isn’t the best, remember?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he slowly parts your legs, his hands splayed over the skin of your inner thighs as he presses them down to the mattress. You bite your bottom lip to refrain from hissing at the sudden sensation of the tower’s chilly night air washing over your wet, sensitive folds.
“I said you’re perfect.” He answers at the exact same moment that he presses the pad of his flesh thumb over your slit, not taking his eyes off of your face as he massages the digit over your clit. A small gasp escapes you and you arch into his touch, giving your hips another roll.
He pulls his thumb away and you practically whine at the loss of pressure, but the digit is quickly replaced by his index finger teasing your entrance. He swirls the tip of it around your opening, coating it in your arousal before pulling it away, too.
Before you can so much as utter a noise of complaint, he brings the slick-coated finger to his mouth and wraps his lips around it. His eyes roll shut and he groans at the taste. “Perfect and so sweet.”
“Fuck,” you whimper. “Fuck, Bucky. Please.”
You aren’t even sure what you’re begging for. Something. Anything. There’s a fire blazing in your lower belly begging to be put out.
He hops off of the bed, hooking his arms under your knees and easing your body across the bed until your ass is level with the edge of the mattress, your legs dangling over. He crouches down, nestling himself between your legs, his face just inches away from where you need him most.
“What is it, baby?” He croons. “Tell me what you want.” Two cool vibranium fingertips tease your hole and you fight against the overwhelming desire to sink yourself onto them. “Do you want my fingers?”
Just as you open your mouth to plead with him, he glides those two metal fingers inside you - just up to his middle knuckles, but you still see stars at the welcome but sudden stretch and fullness.
“Or my mouth?” His breath fans across your cunt and he presses his lips to your clit in a brief kiss. Your fingers thread through his hair, nails digging into his scalp with just enough pressure to draw a half laugh, half hiss from him. He shakes his head in amusement, the tip of his nose brushing over the sensitive nub.
“Take your pick and stop being such a menace,” you sigh. “You’re really gonna torture your soulmate like this?”
“Sorry,” he huffs a laugh. “I’ll be nice now.”
His definition of nice, you quickly find out, is plunging the two thick digits the rest of the way inside you and curling them at the same time that he sucks your clit between his lips until you look like you’re having an exorcism. His flesh hand glides up your stomach and settles over your breast. He kneads it with enough pressure to send heat rushing through you, each squeeze making that coil in your abdomen grow tighter and tighter.
He alternates between sucking your clit and soothing it with soft kitten licks of his tongue while pumping metal fingers inside you at a torturous pace and in no time, you’re a borderline delirious mess, gasping out pleas and desperate sounds.
The sound of you whimpering his name has him moaning into you, the vibration of it giving you the tiny push you need to go tumbling over the edge. Your walls clench around his fingers as he continues to fuck you through the height of your climax, not ceasing until your body goes slack against the mattress.
Bucky presses one final kiss to the inside of your thigh before rising. He lays down on the bed beside you, propping himself up on his elbow. You’re still catching your breath when he tilts your face towards him in his flesh hand and leans down to kiss you slowly.
When he pulls back, he looks down at you hesitantly. “We don’t have to do anything else tonight. We can stop right here, if you want. We can take our time. We have all the time in the world now.”
Your heart swells at the promise. The promise of simply being with each other, for all time. You tuck a lock of his hair behind his ear and shake your head.
“Bucky,” you whisper, your voice shaky but sure. “I want you. All of you. Now that I have you…I’m always going to want all of you.”
“You have me,” he murmurs, flesh hand trailing down your arm, pausing when he gets to the spot where your soul mark once adorned your skin.
“All of me.”
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑ one year later ✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
“If we do the chicken marsala and the lemon rosemary chicken, is that too much chicken? That’s too much chicken. Right?”
Before Bucky can give you an answer, you’re switching topics and rambling about the seating chart - something about how Sam and Walker can’t sit too close together because even after all this time, they still bicker every chance they get - as you flip pancakes with your back to him.
It’s Sunday - the one day of the week that always looks the same. He wakes you up with fresh coffee, you cook breakfast for the two of you, and you spend the morning lazing around your Brooklyn apartment. From catching up on housework, going grocery shopping for the week, and eating lunch at that one sandwich shop you love so much, it’s usually a day of familiar comfort and routine.
But you’re on edge this morning. Frazzled. The wedding is a mere six months away and it’s time to lock in final decisions about the menu, seating arrangements, and all of the other things you’ve rattled off of your mental checklist before nine o’clock this morning.
Bucky had practically felt the stress radiating from you as soon as you woke up. He’d done what he could to help you relax, of course - not letting you leave the bed until he had taken his sweet time making you moan his name in that raspy, sleep-laced voice of yours that he adores so much.
Unfortunately, the effects of that had been temporary and your fretting returned tenfold by the time you started cracking eggs into a bowl.
Even Alpine seems to take note of your stress. The usually mellow white cat is perched on top of the fridge, tail switching as she watches you pace around the kitchen. Every few minutes she lets out a little mewl, like she’s trying to ask if you’re alright.
“And we need to decide on a wedding cake flavor this week, too. The lemon one tasted like floor cleaner, so that narrows it down a bit, but we still have to decide between red velvet and—”
Bucky doesn’t give a shit if the cake tastes like Pine-Sol or if Sam and Walker knock each other unconscious in the venue parking lot. He just wants to marry you.
“What about…no chicken, no Sam or Walker, and no cake?”
You glance up at him with an annoyed expression. “What are you talking about?”
He shrugs, trying not to smirk. He knows that even propositioning something like this is risky, but it’s worth a shot. “What if we just…didn’t? Didn’t worry about any of it? What if we just go to the courthouse and get married? Tomorrow morning.”
You freeze where you’re standing on the other side of the kitchen island, plating up the food. Your expression shifts from annoyed to amused, like you’re trying to figure out if he’s joking or not. He quirks his brow and takes a sip of his coffee.
“You’re serious,” you scoff. It isn’t a question.
“Dead serious.”
“But we - we already sent out invitations. And paid a deposit on the venue. And booked a photographer, and videographer, and—”
By this point, he’s already made his way to the opposite side of the island where you stand, pulling you to him by your waist.
“Look,” he starts softly, cutting off your panicked rambling. “If you want to have a wedding, we’ll have a wedding. Of course. I want you to have whatever the hell you want.” He takes your left hand in his, staring down at the ring on your finger. His mother’s ring, from the early 1900s, passed down to his sister, Rebecca, and then given to Bucky to give to you.
His soulmate.
“But I’ve waited a very long time to marry you. All I care about is that I get to call you my wife. None of the other stuff really matters to me. Not the color of the table linens or the—”
“Okay.”
“Wait. What?” He takes an involuntary step back as if you’ve physically shocked him. Whatever the next words out of your mouth were going to be, he definitely was not expecting okay. “Really?”
You’re smiling from ear to ear. “Really. I mean, a wedding sounds nice in theory, but…this is a lot.” You gesture vaguely to the dry erase board that you had used to sketch potential seating arrangements and an array of fabric swatches littered across the dining room table. “You’re right. None of that stuff really matters. In fifty years, we probably won’t even remember any of it. When we’re old and gray, all that will matter is our vows, the rings on our fingers, and the fact that it’s me and you.”
A soft laugh escapes him. He cups your face in his hands and leans down to bring his lips to yours, vibranium thumb grazing across your cheekbone. “Speaking of vows…” He sighs, pulling back, “if we’re doing this, I should probably finish writing mine.”
“Finish them? I haven’t even started mine. I’ve been too busy trying to keep up with how many fucking gluten free entrees we need to order.”
He cackles at that. “Well, you better start writing, then. Because tomorrow morning we’re driving to the county clerk’s office and I’m making you my wife.”
He starts to lean down to kiss you once more when a melodic purr sounds from the floor at his feet. He glances down to see Alpine weaving herself between your legs, her bright blue eyes blinking up at you both.
“What do you think, Alpine?” You coo, leaning down to scoop her into your arms. “Do you think your mommy and daddy should get married tomorrow?”
The cat nuzzles your chin in answer. Bucky grins, scratching behind her ear. “See? She thinks it’s a great idea, too.”
You laugh softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her fuzzy head before setting her back down. Bucky slides his arms around your waist the moment you straighten, pulling you against him. “Tomorrow,” he murmurs into your hair. “I can’t wait.”
You smile up at him, cheek still pressed to his chest. “Tomorrow,” you hum in agreement.
Right in his line of sight are the scattered linen samples, dry erase board, and a planner all taking up the majority of the small dining room table. “Should we, uh…do something about all of that?”
“Hm?” You follow his gaze to see what he’s talking about. “Oh. We can chuck all of that off the fire escape for all I care.”
He was so hoping you would say that.
✧˖*°࿐⭒.⋆˖࣪⭑
if you read to the end of this, thank you so much. i love you forever if you comment/reblog <3
Series Summary: An attack on your palace thrusts your only hope for survival into the hands of a mercenary who is forced to protect you, all due to a vow he made many years before. Though, those are circumstances neither of you have chosen.
Word Count: 92.2k
Warnings: enemies to lovers; slow burn; Bucky is harsh on reader for a while; mentions of murder, fire, death, knives, blood; loss of parents; violence; injuries; fever; sexism; prejudices; knife throwing; theft; crying; classism; manhandling; self-loathing; talk of betrayal; talk of arranged marriage; suggestive themes; kissing; protective!Bucky
Author’s Note: This is the story that received the highest number of votes in last month's WIP poll. I inquired through another poll if you all preferred this to be a series or a one-shot, and well, here we are. I don’t know how long this will end up being, but I guess about 6-7 chapters. Hope you'll enjoy! ♡
Masterlist
Requests for bonus chapters are closed
♡ This series is complete ♡
~ Chapters ~
• part one
• part two
• part three
• part four
• part five
• part six
• part seven
• part eight
• part nine
• part ten
• epilogue
“And just as the Phoenix rose from the ashes, she too will rise. Returning from the flames, clothed in nothing but her strength, more beautiful than ever before.”
pairing | pre-infinity!war!bucky x fem!reader
word count | 19.1k words
summary | it becomes your responsibility to help the winter soldier heal—not just his body, but the fractured remnants of his mind. what begins as stern guidance slowly grows into something deeper, as you teach him how to be a man again, not a weapon.
tags | 18+ (MDNI), EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT, canon-compliant post–civil war, inspired by Avatar, reader inspired by neytiri, piv sex, unprotected sex, riding, mating press, missionary, desperate touching, body appreciation, emotional sex, breast fixation, lowkey carnal sex, bucky goes primal, creampie, ONE-ARM!BUCKY, fierce!reader, cheeky/playful!reader, shy!reader, angst with comfort, slowburn, lotssss of yearning and longing, mutual pining, bucky healing, emotionally repressed idiots, shuri&t'challa cameos, death of an animal, mythical creatures, wakandan religious and culture practises, meditation, buckys literally whipped, very very emotional aftercare
a/n | kms if this flops, deadass
likes comments and reblogs are much appreciated ✨
MASTERLIST
“…He is a grown man,” you said flatly, arms folded, gold rings catching the light. “Why must I look after him like an orphaned sheep?”
T’Challa exhaled through his nose, pacing slow, as if you were all still discussing this with grace. Shuri, on the other hand, already looked ten seconds from strangling you with her bare hands.
The courtyard was warm with sun, but the three of you had been at it so long the tea had gone cold.
“You’re not looking after him. You’re—”
“—babysitting him,” you cut in. “A man who has killed how many people? But no, let me put aside my entire life and move back to the outskirts so I can make sure he eats his vegetables.”
Shuri’s eyes rolled so hard you thought they might stay back there.
“It is not babysitting. It’s helping him adapt,” she bit back, flicking her fingers in the air like she could swat your sarcasm. “The recovery process is not just about breaking trigger words. He has to be among people. Real people. And you are the only one who will not try to fix him.”
You scoffed, looking between them.
“You two clearly do not value my life. You should say it plainly. You want me to die at the hands of a haunted white man with one arm.”
T’Challa sighed through his nose. “He is not haunted. You are someone who understands silence. Who moves with intention. Who—”
“Who can babysit the winter beast?” you snapped, pushing to your feet. “No. No, this is not fair.”
“You are being dramatic,” Shuri muttered.
“I am being honest,” you bit back, tone sharp but low. “You want me to drag a man out of his nightmares and into the sun like it’s my duty. Why me?”
“Because you can,” came the voice from the stone archway—regal, steady, commanding.
You all turned at once. Queen Ramonda stood framed in gold and violet, hands clasped neatly before her, face composed but clearly unimpressed.
“I could hear your arguing from the throne room, for Bast’s sake,” she said mildly. “Must you bicker like wild dogs every time a request is made?”
All three of you stilled. Like children caught misbehaving.
You spoke first, pointing a hand toward the siblings. “Queen Mother, you must listen to what outrageous things your children are asking of me. They wish to exile me to the outskirts with a half-frozen foreign soldier who wakes with blood on his breath.”
Ramonda gave you that look, the one she’d perfected over years of dealing with all three of you. Calm. Measuring. Ever so slightly amused. “Perhaps the soldier needs someone who will not flinch from the truth. And perhaps you need someone who reminds you the world is larger than your comfort.”
You stared at her, mouth parting, “Once again I say, that is not fair.”
She stepped closer, eyes softening, eyes softening, brushing a hand down your arm. “It would be good for him,” she added gently. “And it would be good for you.”
“Why must everything be good for me when it is inconvenient?”
Ramonda moved her hand, cupping your cheek like she was softening you for the kill.
“He is not the same man they froze,” she said quietly. “We have done much. And we will continue to do more. But he cannot learn peace if he is surrounded only by the memory of war.”
You let out a long, annoyed breath. “So you say, ‘Come do this, come do that. Come leave your bed and your garden and your spirit work to go look after the American white man who—reminder—is an infamous serial killer.’”
There was silence. Then Shuri muttered, “He’s not technically a serial killer, it’s more—”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“I’m just saying there is a legal distinction—”
“Shuri.”
“I’m just—”
You lifted a hand, silencing her.
Ramonda pressed a kiss to your cheek, knowing it meant you were already halfway convinced. “Let him learn from someone who still speaks to the land,” she murmured. “Someone who still knows how to listen.”
You didn’t answer, but you sighed loud enough for everyone to hear.
T’Challa smiled. Shuri leaned against the railing, victorious.
You walked away mid-eye-roll, calling over your shoulder, “If he so much as breathes wrong near me, I will send him back to the ancestors myself.”
The first thing he felt was air.
Cool, real air—not the sterile chill of cryo, not the chemical weight of lab filters—but air that moved. That breathed. There was birdsong in it. Dry earth. Smoke from a far-off fire. Something floral he couldn’t name.
Bucky blinked, slow and dry-eyed, the light too warm, too gold. His body felt sluggish, heavy with sleep. He was on something soft. No wires, no restraints. His chest rose unevenly, breath catching against the strangeness of… quiet.
And then he heard them. Giggling. Whispering.
He turned his head—sharp pain blooming at the base of his skull—and found three children crouched beside him, their faces painted with thick lines of white and yellow, watching him like he was some museum piece come to life.
The youngest one leaned closer, nose nearly touching his.
“Who—” His voice cracked like dry leaves.
The kids shrieked with delight and bolted for the doorway in a blur of bare feet and swinging beads. One lingered just long enough to poke his knee before running.
“Nakana! I told you not to touch him!”
The voice snapped across the room like a whip—sharp, feminine, unfamiliar.
Feet on packed earth. Cloth shifting. A figure moved past the curtain of the doorway—tall, confident, annoyed in that particular way adults were when children ran just fast enough to escape consequences. She stepped into the light, brushing the curtain aside with the back of her hand. And he saw you.
Painted wrap slung around your hips. A loose tunic tucked at one side. Earrings glinting like fireflies. You were barefoot, one brow raised like this was the mess you’d been warned about.
Bucky’s mouth parted, but nothing came out.
You didn’t introduce yourself. You didn’t ask how he felt. You just tilted your chin toward the door, where the last light of day was spilling gold across the dirt floor.
“Come watch the sunset,” you said, like it was the only thing worth doing.
Then you turned and walked out—as if he’d follow, like that choice was his to make. And he made it.
The ground felt strange beneath his feet. Coarse, sun-warmed dirt. Fine dust that clung to his soles as he stepped out of the hut, squinting into the light. The doorway yawned behind him like a throat he’d just crawled out of. No fences. No guards. Just wind and open air.
He hadn’t seen the sun in—
He didn’t know.
Ahead of him, a narrow path wound gently uphill, flanked by thatched roofs and smooth clay homes, smoke curling from chimneys, cloth lines dancing between poles. A child darted past with a kite made of paper and string. Somewhere a woman laughed, deep and unbothered. The village breathed in rhythm. It felt… alive.
He turned, slow and aimless, until he spotted her.
You.
At the far edge of the clearing, your back to him, already walking—effortless, upright, that same piece of bright cloth now pulled across your shoulders. Your earrings flashed once in the sun before you passed into shadow.
You didn’t look back.
Others were walking, too—small groups, elderly men, a mother with a sleeping baby slung across her back. All of them moving in the same direction. Toward the slope. Toward the horizon.
Bucky didn’t think. Didn’t ask.
He just followed. Barefoot, steps uneven, like the ground might swallow him if he hesitated. The air was too clean. His body felt foreign—stiff, lighter, missing something. His arm…
He glanced down. Still gone. Just skin and metal and a quiet absence where something used to be.
But you were still moving. Up ahead, you slipped between two trees, and he picked up his pace without meaning to. The wind tugged at your top. Your hands stayed loose at your sides, steady, sure.
You heard his footsteps before he spoke—uneven, a little slow, like he hadn’t used his legs in months. (He hadn’t.)
The slope had leveled out by the time he reached you. You were already seated on the flat rock at the ridge, legs folded beneath you, elbows resting on your knees. The view stretched wide below, the village glowing in the last of the sun, children chasing goats through the paths, smoke rising from cooking fires.
He hovered a few feet behind you, hesitant.
“Where... am I?” His voice was scratchy, like rusted hinges. You didn’t turn.
“A village on the outskirts of Wakanda,” you said simply.
There was a pause. He stepped a little closer, slow and careful. “How long was I out?”
“Six months.”
“Six—?” He let out a quiet breath, and you heard him shift his weight like the number knocked something loose in his ribs. “And the Avengers?”
You lifted a shoulder. “I don’t keep up with Western affairs.”
Another pause. He didn’t take offense. You weren’t offering any. “Right,” he muttered. “’Course.”
The wind picked up slightly, carrying the smell of stew and sun-warmed stone. You felt him settle into a crouch beside you, not close enough to touch, but close enough to see the tension still tucked into his posture—like he didn’t know what to do with his limbs now that they weren’t weapons.
“Can I get your name?” he asked after a moment.
You tilted your head, half-glancing at him, not quite meeting his eyes. You said it clear and even, shaped by your tongue the way it was meant to be. No pause. No simplification. You didn’t shrink it down for him.
He winced. “Could you—sorry—can you say that again?”
You sighed, “Listen closely this time.”
And you said it slower, more deliberate, each syllable resting in the air between you like a stone placed carefully on sacred ground.
He nodded, repeating it under his breath, not quite right—but trying.
You didn’t correct him. The two of you just watched as the sun dipped low behind the hills, casting the sky in molten gold, when the rest of the villagers began to arrive—a slow trickle of movement from behind, soft chatter and rustling feet.
Children in linen wraps. Old men with carved walking sticks. Women with bowls of roasted groundnuts, passing them between gentle hands. They settled across the slope in small clusters, all facing west, as if the sun itself had summoned them.
It did this time every month.
You scooted slightly to one side on the flat stone, patting the space beside you without looking at him.
“Sit.”
Bucky hesitated only a moment before lowering himself beside you, still stiff, still quiet, the kind of quiet that held years in its throat. You didn’t watch him. Just kept your gaze on the fading orange sky.
“You were taken out of cryostasis a few days ago,” you said, voice even. “Your body was... overwhelmed. Princess Shuri gave you a sedative to keep the transition gentle. Let your muscles wake slowly. Let your heart catch up.”
He didn’t say anything, but you could feel his eyes on you. Listening.
“You’ve been asleep for three days. Not unconscious—just... resting. Floating.”
Another pause.
“Once a month, we will go into the city. Shuri is still working to untangle what they did to you. She wants to... what did she call it...” You squinted slightly, mimicking Shuri’s tone. “Rewire the synaptic trauma. Remove the trigger pathways.”
Bucky blinked slowly. “So... you’re here to babysit me.”
You didn’t smile, but something near it tugged at your mouth.
“Do not say that in front of King T’Challa. I said the same thing and he got very defensive.”
That got a sound out of him—a small huff. Almost a suprised laugh, if you squinted at it hard enough.
The sky shifted deeper into indigo, casting long shadows across the rocks. The villagers behind you fell quiet. It always did when the last light left the ridge.
You glanced at him then, properly.
He looked... tired. Older than the last time you'd seen him—which, technically, was when he was still asleep in Shuri’s lab. But now, in the open air, the hollows beneath his eyes spoke more clearly.
“You are safe here, Sargeant Barnes,” you said, steady. Not soft, not firm. Just true. “The outside world will not touch you while you are in Wakanda.”
He didn’t look at you. Just kept his gaze on the horizon, jaw tight. “It’s James,” he said, low. “But most people call me… Bucky.”
You nodded once, tucking the name into your chest like a small seed.
“Alright then, Bucky.”
Neither of you spoke again.
The sun disappeared, and the sky gave way to stars.
The spot was quiet—further out than most dared to walk alone. You liked that about it.
You sat beneath the same tree every morning, where the grass grew uneven and the air stayed cooler longer. The village lay behind you, just out of sight, and in the distance, birds called to one another in a rhythm older than memory.
He was supposed to be meditating.
You cracked one eye open.
He wasn’t.
The soldier sat across from you, legs folded, posture tight like someone was going to shoot at him any second. His expression was too still, jaw too tense. Eyes closed, yes—but not in the way they should be. Not present. Not breathing. Not with you.
You could see the truth in his mouth. A kind of practiced stillness—the kind you learned when the only time you closed your eyes was to pretend you were human. You exhaled through your nose and let the quiet drag a little longer.
Then, plainly, “You are faking.”
His eyes opened—guilty, but not surprised, “What?”
“You are faking,” you repeated, sharper now. “You are not in your body. You are just... sitting there, pretending.”
He rubbed his hand down his face—his only hand—and gave you a tired shrug, “I don’t see how this helps. I’m not exactly a breathe deeply and find your center kind of guy.”
You stared at him. “You don’t have to believe in anything,” you said. “It is not magic. It is awareness.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Your nervous system is still reacting to things that aren’t there. Your heart still jumps like someone else owns it. Your mind doesn’t know your body’s awake yet. That is what meditation is for.”
“I’m just—” he started, then stopped. “It feels pointless.”
“It is not,” you said, firmer now. “Because if you ever want to get those demon words out of your head, if you want Shuri to rewire the damage, you have to give her something to work with. Your brain is still running Hydra’s script, and if you’re not even willing to sit with your breath, how do you expect to undo any of it?”
His mouth opened slightly. Nothing came out.
“I cannot help you,” you said, quieter now, “if you don’t want to be helped.”
You looked away, letting your hands settle back into your lap. He was quiet for a while—long enough for the wind to shift, pulling a few dry leaves across the packed earth between you.
When he finally spoke, his voice was low. Uncertain. “Can we try again?”
You looked at him—properly this time.
His eyes weren’t guarded now. No walls. Just tiredness. Willingness, maybe. Something softer.
You gave him a long, unreadable look, then nodded once. “Alright.” You closed your eyes, slowly, and this time... you felt him do the same.
No pretending. Just breath.
He wasn’t sure when it changed.
At first, it was just meditation. Eyes closed, back straight, breathing in rhythms he didn’t believe in. But then it became more.
Sweeping the dirt path that led down to the well. Carrying baskets of grain. Hauling stones for someone’s new roof. Lifting crates with his one arm while the villagers watched in quiet silence, like they couldn’t decide if he was a guest or a tool.
You never told him it was for his benefit. You just handed him the rope and pointed. “Pull,” you’d said, tossing a bundle of dried grass at his chest one morning. “You are not made of glass.”
You never coddled him. Never flinched around him. You didn’t offer long-winded speeches or hold his hand through the work. Mostly, you barked instructions and walked away.
He liked that. More than he wanted to admit.
You snapped at him when he did something wrong—called him slow, unobservant, unfocused. Two days ago, he dropped one of the ceramic bowls from the communal kitchen, and you’d stared at him for five seconds before muttering, “Ignorant child.”
And then walked off.
He almost smiled. He hadn’t been called that in decades. Maybe ever.
But hey—at least it was better than being pitied. Better than being looked at like he was something shattered and fragile, waiting to cut whoever came too close.
You didn’t look at him like that. You looked at him like a chore. Like a reluctant task assigned to you by fate and family. And strangely, that made him try harder.
You didn’t ask about his past. You didn’t hover when he had nightmares. You didn’t whisper to the other villagers behind his back—or if you did, you never did it where he could hear.
What you did do was offer him work. Direction. Stillness. A quiet place to sit when the tremor in his fingers wouldn’t stop. And somehow, that mattered more than anything anyone had said in years.
He wasn’t sure what they were celebrating this time.
From inside his hut, the sound bled in slowly—the steady pulse of drums, laughter rising and falling like a tide, children yelling each other’s names across the courtyard. Someone sang near the firepit. A voice he didn’t recognize. Several hands clapping along, rhythm sharp and fast.
It wasn’t unpleasant. Just... too much.
He sat on the edge of his mat for a while, trying to breathe through the heat that settled behind his ribs. It wasn’t panic, not really. But it wasn’t comfort either. His skin felt too tight. The air too loud. His thoughts too sharp around the edges.
Eventually, he pushed to his feet and stepped outside.
The sky was dark—stars blinking through the smoke trails drifting from the fire. Lanterns hung from the wooden beams, casting soft yellow light across the center of the village, where people were gathered in loose clusters. Dancing. Eating. Singing. Moving like their bodies belonged to the moment.
And there you were—almost dead center.
Bright cloth wrapped around your waist. Dozens of tiny golden hoops hanging from your ears. Your hands clapped in time with the drumbeat, your mouth moving with the lyrics of a song he didn’t know. You weren’t the loudest or the most noticeable—but the way people naturally made room around you told him everything.
He crossed the space slowly, cutting through laughter and firelight, until he was just close enough to speak without being overheard.
“Think I’m gonna go for a walk,” he muttered, voice low, almost under his breath.
You didn’t turn your head. Didn’t stop clapping. Didn’t even miss a beat. “I am not your keeper,” you said easily. Not unkind. Just matter-of-fact.
He huffed softly—the closest thing he ever got to a laugh—and gave a small nod you probably didn’t see. And then he turned, slipping past the edge of the celebration like smoke, heading off into the night.
He didn’t know how far he ended up walking.
The ground changed gradually beneath him—the soft packed dirt near the village giving way to stretches of dry veld, low grass brushing against his ankles, warm and clean underfoot. The sky above was still wide, scattered with stars, but out here, the air tasted different. Earthier. Older.
Bucky exhaled through his nose, letting his shoulders drop for the first time all day. He kept walking. No path. Just instinct.
The veld slowly thickened—shrubs first, then low trees, then taller ones that curved toward the moonlight like they were reaching for something. The sounds changed too. The distant hum of the village faded behind him, replaced by the rustle of leaves, the call of some bird he didn’t recognize, the chirping of something small and fast darting through underbrush.
And beneath it all, steady and sure, the sound of running water. He moved toward it.
Every now and then, he’d slow—not because he was tired, but because something would catch his eye. A strange patterned insect climbing a tree trunk. A glowing flower the size of his hand. A lizard with golden eyes that watched him like it understood something he didn’t.
He didn’t touch anything. Just looked. It was quiet here. But not empty.
When he reached the water, it was shallower than he expected—a smooth stream cutting through the trees, tumbling over dark stone in gentle cascades. He crouched down by the edge, dipping his fingers into it. Cool. Clean. Real.
He sat there a while. Just listening. Not thinking. Not fighting anything. Just… being. No boots. No guns. No Winter Soldier. Just him, the wind, the pulse of water moving like a second heartbeat through the dark.
He didn’t hear it until it was too close.
At first, just the shuffle of leaves, the breaking of a branch—then the low, guttural snort that made every muscle in his body lock.
Bucky stood slowly, rising from the streambank, eyes scanning the trees. The light was dim out here, moonlight filtering through thick canopy, casting long shadows over the underbrush.
Another snort. Then another.
He turned.
A warthog stepped out of the trees—broad and low, tusks curling like ivory hooks. It stared at him, twitching its head slightly. Then another emerged beside it. And then two more. Snorting, circling. The ground vibrated faintly beneath their feet.
Shit.
He backed up a step.
One of them growled—an ugly, wheezing sound—and lunged.
Bucky reacted instantly, sidestepping as it charged past, kicking a loose stone at its flank. Another came from the side. He ducked, moving fast, breath short, arm raised.
He didn’t have his left arm. No weapon. No metal. Just instinct.
They weren’t mindless—they were testing him. Flanking. The kind of animals that learned how to bring down bigger things.
He moved toward the stream again, keeping it at his back, trying to funnel them. He landed a solid kick against one’s shoulder, stumbled, pivoted—
And then the big one came. It was almost silent, massive, barreling through the trees like it had been waiting for its moment. Bucky turned too slow.
The impact knocked the breath from his chest, sent him crashing backward into the dirt. His head hit the ground hard enough to blur his vision. He grunted, legs kicking, trying to push it off—its tusk caught his side, not piercing, but grinding hard into his ribs.
Then—
THWIP.
A sound cracked the air. The warthog stilled. Another second passed before it collapsed sideways, heavy and limp. Blood pooled quick and dark beneath its belly.
The others froze. And then, as if obeying some silent command, they scattered. Back into the underbrush. Vanished like ghosts.
Bucky lay there on his back, blinking up at the canopy, breathing hard. Then he turned his head.
You stood between the trees, bow still half-lowered, another arrow notched loosely between your fingers. The celebration wrap still clung to your waist. Your hair was mussed, cheeks flushed like you’d run here fast.
Bucky blinked up, dazed, ribs aching.
You didn’t rush toward him. You didn’t say anything. You just stood there, framed by the trees, breathing a little hard.
He looked back at you. Mud on his back. Shirt torn at the shoulder. Dirt on his face. One arm pressed to the ground.
And the two of you just... stared at each other.
His breathing hadn’t even steadied yet. He was still flat on his back, arm aching, ribs sore, heart drumming uneven against his spine. The warthog’s body slumped a few feet from him, blood pooling from its flank where your arrow had pierced through clean.
He looked at you again, still standing just beyond it. “Thanks,” he managed, voice rough.
You turned your head sharply toward him. “Don’t thank me.”
The words came fast. Not cruel, but firm. Your jaw was tight. “Do not thank me for this.”
You pointed to the dead creature between you, with weight, like you needed him to see it. To really look. “This is sad,” you said, kneeling slowly beside it. “Very sad only.”
He pushed himself upright, wincing a little as he leaned on his arm, dirt still stuck to the side of his face. “What was I supposed to do?” he asked. “Let it maul me to death?”
You didn’t look at him right away. Your hands moved quietly, efficiently—fingers brushing through the coarse bristles of the warthog’s fur, your other hand gripping the arrow still lodged in its side.
You pulled it out in one motion. Clean. No hesitation. “Would you not protect your home,” you said softly, still not meeting his eyes, “if a stranger wandered in?”
He blinked, saying nothing.
“He wasn’t evil. He was defending what he knew.”
You laid your palm flat against the animal’s neck, eyes lowered. “We are not like your western people,” you said. “We do not kill for fun. Or pride. Or sport. All life has value in Wakanda.”
There was no judgment in your voice. Just truth. Plain and unmoving.
You lowered your head slightly and whispered something low under your breath—a few words in Xhosa, voice soft and unhurried, almost like a lullaby. A parting gesture.
Bucky watched you, lips pressed together, jaw tense with something that wasn’t quite shame, but lived near it.
You finally glanced at him—your eyes skimming his shoulder, then down his arm. The fabric was torn just above his bicep, and there, beneath the edge, blood. Not much. But enough to pull your mouth into a thin, unimpressed line.
You didn’t sigh. You didn’t roll your eyes. You just reached down, placed your palm gently over the warthog’s neck once more, a slow farewell, then stood.
“Come,” you said simply, brushing your fingers against your thigh to clear the dirt. “Let me help you.”
He didn’t argue. He rose behind you without a word, steps a little slower now, and fell in step as you turned back toward the path. You didn’t speak. Neither did he. The trees closed behind you like a curtain, muting the sounds of the forest—leaving only the soft rhythm of your feet in the grass, his breathing just behind yours, and the hum of crickets filling in the spaces where conversation might’ve gone.
By the time the village came back into view, the celebration had mostly fizzled out.
The fire still smoldered low in the pit, casting orange light across scattered baskets and half-finished plates. A few villagers moved quietly between the homes, collecting things in tired silence. Someone’s laughter drifted faintly from behind one of the larger huts, but even that was subdued. The pulse of the night had passed.
You didn’t slow as you reached the center, only shifted your path slightly—guiding him past his own hut, toward yours.
He followed.
You held the beaded curtain aside as you stepped through. The interior was warm, dimly lit by candles spread out. Neatly arranged baskets lined the shelves, bundles of herbs hanging from the ceiling in fragrant clusters. There were folded cloths stacked in a corner. A clay bowl of water sat near a wooden stool.
You crossed the space, already moving with purpose. “Sit.”
He did.
The cloth was warm now—soaked in water and crushed herbs—when you pressed it to the scrape on his upper arm. Not deep, but messy. You didn’t flinch when he winced. Just kept working.
The paste came next—a thick mixture, greenish-brown, smelling faintly of aloe and dried mint. You scooped a bit with your fingers and began to smooth it over the broken skin, slow and deliberate.
He watched you. Didn’t speak at first. But then, softly, without looking up, “I’m sorry. For the warthog.”
You didn’t answer right away. Your fingers paused just slightly before you pressed a little more paste into the wound, careful. “It is finished now,” you said after a breath. “In the past.”
You met his eyes, steady but not sharp. “And… I doubt T’Challa would be pleased if you got killed under my care.”
That earned a small huff from him. You almost smiled. Almost. You set the bowl down.
“Still,” he said, quieter now, “you’ve done a lot. I haven’t exactly given back the same.”
You tilted your head, watching him.
His face was serious. Not guilty—not exactly. Just... honest. And unsure. Like he wasn’t used to naming these things out loud.
You wiped your fingers on a cloth, then folded it neatly. “I don’t need much,” you said. “You try. That is enough.”
He looked at you like he wasn’t sure how to respond.
You didn’t wait for one. You stood and moved to rinse your hands at the small bowl near the corner, shoulders relaxing slightly now that the adrenaline had passed. The room smelled like ash and herb oil, and you could feel the weight of the day starting to settle into your back.
The lab always smelled faintly metallic—polished, too clean, like it had never seen real dirt in its life.
Bucky sat on the edge of the diagnostic table while Shuri adjusted something near his temple, wires trailing from a slim headset and disappearing into the projection panel above him. His shirt was off. The room was cool. The back of his neck itched.
You were standing at the foot of the table, arms crossed, watching everything with narrowed eyes like you were trying to make sense of it through sheer observation alone.
A holographic projection hovered above him—a soft blue outline of his brain lit up in faint pulses, scattered red flickers trailing across certain regions.
“What does that do?” you asked, pointing at a blinking node near the center.
“It maps neural response patterns,” Shuri said, without looking up.
“But why is it glowing like that?”
“Because it is active.”
“What kind of activity?”
Shuri exhaled—not exasperated yet, but on the edge.
“It just is, alright? Can you please not do this right now—”
“Do what?” you asked. “Ask questions? I thought this was a lab. Are you not supposed to love curiosity?”
“I love informed curiosity,” Shuri muttered, moving to the display console. “You are just pointing at things and saying ‘what’s that?’ like a child.”
“If you were really that smart,” you said under your breath, “you’d be able to focus through a few questions.”
That did it.
“You are distracting me.”
“Then maybe you should be better at multitasking.”
“Maybe you should go sit down.”
“Maybe you should say please.”
Bucky lay back against the table, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t laughing—not really—but there was something easy about the way he exhaled. Something lighter.
He’d never seen you like this.
Not still. Not sharp. But familiar in a way he didn’t expect. Comfortable enough to annoy someone. To be annoying. There was a rhythm to it—not harsh, not for show.
Shuri flicked through a few data fields, ignoring you now. You were muttering under your breath about how you’d name the next hologram just to bother her.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she asked.
“This is my better thing,” you said. “Watching you stress about brainwaves.”
You watched the blue projection pulse gently above Bucky’s head, those same red flickers darting across the map of his mind like warning signs. You didn’t understand all of it—the readings, the frequencies, the cortical tracking—but you understood what mattered. The shape of a wound. The parts that still lit up when they shouldn’t.
“When can you take them out?” you asked, eyes still on the light.
Shuri didn’t look up from the console.
“Take what out?”
“The demon words.”
That earned you a slow, deliberate blink from across the table. “They are called trigger words,” she said, enunciating each syllable like you were hard of hearing. “And you know that. Don’t act brand new.”
You rolled your eyes. “Demon words sounds more accurate.”
“That’s not how science works.”
“That’s not how trauma works either.”
Shuri gave you a flat look, but didn’t argue.
Behind you, Bucky shifted slightly on the table, adjusting the way his head rested against the padding. You hadn’t noticed how you’d leaned in—just a little closer to where he lay. Not hovering, not touching. Just there. Like your body had moved on its own. Like you were with him now, instead of just watching from a distance.
Bucky didn’t say anything. He just noticed.
The faint change in your voice when you asked the question. The crease between your brows when Shuri answered. The way your elbow nearly brushed the edge of the table now, when ten minutes ago, you were standing by the console.
Shuri sighed and ran a hand down her face.
“It’s been two months,” she said. “These things take time. I cannot erase conditioned trauma with a switch. I’m working on a way to reroute the neural spikes when the words are spoken, but his system is still adapting to being stable.”
You nodded slowly, absorbing the answer. You didn’t press further. You just looked back up at the display—not with confusion, but with focus. Like you were trying to memorize something that couldn’t be learned in words.
The lab went quiet again, save for the soft hum of the monitors and the occasional clack of Shuri’s fingers across the console.
A Few Weeks Later
The river water was warm beneath your hands. You wrung out the cloth and snapped it once, sharp, before folding it over your knee to scrub the next piece.
The women around you moved with easy rhythm—buckets sloshing, fabric slapping stone, idle conversation drifting between them in patches. One of the elders was humming, her voice low and tuneless, but steady. A child ran past the edge of the clearing barefoot, laughing at nothing.
You dipped your hands into the basin again, reached for another wrap, and glanced up without thinking.
He was further down the slope, maybe twenty or thirty steps away, near the bend in the river where the trees curved in tighter and the bank dipped. Not with the other men hauling baskets of cassava or arguing about whose turn it was to carry the grain. Just... there. A little separate. Like always.
He had one of the wide clay basins hoisted against his hip, arm hooked under it to steady the weight as he moved slowly across the uneven ground. One-armed. Careful. Determined. His shirt clung damp to his back, sweat darkening the fabric between his shoulder blades. His jaw was tight with focus, but not frustrated—just focused.
You didn’t mean to keep watching. But you did. Just for a second.
There was something about the way he moved now—less guarded than before. Still cautious, still scanning his surroundings like it was habit, but not shrinking from it. He wasn’t waiting for approval. He was just working. Sweating. Trying.
He looked up mid-step—maybe sensing your eyes on him—and met your gaze before you could shift it away.
It wasn’t a long look. No lingering. Just a beat. A pause. His expression didn’t change. Yours didn’t either. Then you looked back down, hands moving automatically over the fabric in your lap.
You didn’t smile. You just kept scrubbing.
But you were still thinking about it long after he passed out of your eyeline.
The air had cooled, but the stone beneath you was still warm.
You sat across from him again, legs folded, palms resting against your knees. The same tree overhead. The same quiet rhythm of crickets starting up for the night. The wind carried the faint smell of cooked grains and herbs from someone’s home nearby. A dog barked once. Then quiet again.
He had his eyes closed. Jaw relaxed. Shoulders looser than they used to be. Not completely still, but close. “The kids,” he said quietly, breaking the silence, “they keep calling me something.”
Your eyes stayed closed, but a faint crease touched your brow. “What do they say?”
“It's hard to say,” he murmured, a little sheepish. “It starts with... an 'N'? Ends with something like ‘lope’?”
You opened your eyes slowly. “Ingcuka emhlophe.”
He looked over at you, “What does it mean?”
“White wolf.”
He was quiet a second. Then, “Why?”
You shifted slightly, your fingertips brushing against the ground beside you as you spoke. “Because that is how they see you.”
He turned his head toward you more fully now, just enough to really listen.
“You are not a monster here,” you said, voice calm. “You are a wounded predator. One who was forced to kill. One who now needs healing. And structure.”
You let the words settle. Gave them space. “And,” you added, “because you are not one of us.”
His eyes dropped at that. Not sharply. Just a quiet motion—a flicker downward, like he’d already known, but it didn't mean he liked hearing it said aloud.
But you weren’t finished. You turned toward him more fully now, arms still resting loosely across your lap. “That does not mean you are alone,” you said. Softer. Measured. “You may not be of us. But you are ours to protect.”
His gaze lifted again, meeting yours.
You didn’t look away. You didn’t mean it as a comfort. Or a promise. It was just the truth. Offered, plainly. Without condition.
He didn’t respond right away. Just blinked once, slow. And let his shoulders drop a little more.
The silence had stretched comfortably now, not heavy but full. Somewhere in the distance, an owl called once, low and rhythmic.
Bucky shifted where he sat, thumb tracing over the inside of his palm—a nervous habit you’d started to recognize when he was thinking about how to say something.
“They, uh…” he cleared his throat slightly. “The villagers. Some of them call you something too.”
You looked over at him, but didn’t interrupt.
“I… don’t know how to pronounce it.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Ooh—moy… ya?”
You blinked once, then ducked your head—not fast, but quiet, like you were hiding a smile before it got too visible.
For a second, Bucky wondered if you looked… shy? Not embarrassed. Just unguarded in a way he hadn’t seen before.
“Umoya,” you said, gently. “Almost.”
He watched you, carefully. “What does it mean?”
Your fingers brushed a leaf off your knee. You weren’t looking directly at him now, but your voice softened a little when you spoke.
“Windsister.”
The word sat in the space between you, light and deliberate.
“Why do they call you that?” he asked.
You glanced at him, smiling—a small, close-lipped smile. One that felt like it came from a private place. “I’ll tell you that in time.”
He didn’t push it. Instead, after a beat… “Will you teach me?”
“Teach you what?”
“Your language,” he said. “Xhosa.”
Except he said it wrong—"Kosa," too flat, no shape to it. You smiled again—this time openly—and shook your head a little. “Not ‘kosa.’ It’s Xhosa.” You made the click sound with ease, like it belonged to you. Which it did.
He tried to mimic it, but it came out awkward and slightly too sharp.
You huffed a quiet laugh through your nose. “Better,” you said, almost kindly. “But not quite.”
“You’ll teach me,” he said again, like he meant it this time.
You tilted your head, thoughtful, but still smiling. “If you keep trying,” you said, “then yes.”
And then you both went quiet again—but it wasn’t like before. It was lighter now. Settled.
The stars overhead said nothing. But something between you had already shifted
He woke up with the taste of metal in his mouth.
His chest heaved once, twice—sharp, uneven. Like he’d surfaced too fast and the air hadn’t caught up yet. The room was dark, his mat damp beneath his back. The blanket stuck to him, sweat down his spine. His fingers dug into the fabric at his side.
The dream was already slipping.
Just flashes now—hands holding him down, voices in languages he didn’t speak, the jolt in his skull as something snapped in place. A cold room. A number instead of a name. Commands like teeth.
He sat up slowly, pressing his palm to the center of his chest, counting each inhale until the tightness started to loosen. His mouth stayed closed. No sound came out. The kind of panic that was practiced—not new, not rare, just managed.
The hut was still. The village beyond it quieter than usual. Even the dogs weren’t barking.
He stood, movements automatic. No shoes. No wrap over his shoulders. Just stepped outside into the cool night air, his arm curled close to his body like it still expected the other to be there. His breath steamed slightly, fading quick.
He didn’t think about where he was going. His feet knew before he did.
Past the firepit, long since burned out. Past the old tree with the hollow near its roots. Through the side path where the lanterns weren’t lit. The gravel shifted beneath him, cool under his soles. The beaded curtains on the doorway ahead barely moved in the breeze.
Your hut. The one with the low-burning lamp always left on near the far wall. The one that smelled like sage and something citrusy he hadn’t placed yet.
He didn’t pause.
Just stood outside for a beat, the beads brushing faintly against his chest as he breathed once—then lifted his hand to gently part them.
Inside, it was quiet. He knew you weren’t awake. But that wasn’t why he came.
The beaded curtain fell shut behind him with a soft rattle, barely louder than the candle burning low in the corner—its flame guttering in the draft, casting a faint, trembling glow across the walls. The room smelled familiar now. Like oil and wood smoke.
You were lying on your side, one arm curled beneath your cheek, your breathing slow and even. A woven blanket rested low on your hips, the edge of your shawl slipping slightly off your shoulder. Your face was relaxed in sleep in a way he hadn’t seen while you were awake.
Bucky hovered near the doorway for a beat too long. His breath still hadn’t fully leveled out. Sweat clung to his chest, cooled now, uncomfortable. He hadn’t brought anything with him—not a cloth, not even his sandals.
He should’ve left. He almost did.
But his legs carried him forward, slow and quiet. He lowered himself down beside where you lay, not close enough to wake you, but close enough to feel your warmth off the floor. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t move, not at first. Just let the silence hold him.
You stirred before he realized you were awake. Not startled—not fully. Your eyes blinked open, heavy with sleep, brow creasing faintly as you took in the shape beside you.
Him.
Your gaze moved over his face. His chest. His breathing. You didn’t say his name. You didn’t ask why he was there. You just saw him—flushed, sweaty, jaw tight like he hadn’t fully come down from whatever it was that woke him.
Your hand moved before you spoke. You reached out, resting your fingers gently against his upper arm. Your palm didn’t press or grip. It just touched, soft and grounding, like you were reminding him where he was.
You moved without saying a word, the beads at the entrance rustling faintly as a breeze crept in behind you. The candle in the corner had nearly drowned in its own wax, flickering low and dying out just as you lit another.
Bucky stayed crouched, watching as you crossed the room—still quiet, bare feet brushing over the cool mat as you retrieved a small carved bowl from a shelf near the wall. You reached for the small bundle of dried herbs beside it, crumbling some between your fingers.
He caught the scent even before you struck the match, sharp and earthy, almost bitter, like crushed bark and smoke and something floral buried deep.
“Lie down,” you said simply, nodding to the mat you’d been curled on. Your voice wasn’t soft, exactly. It just wasn’t up for debate.
He hesitated.
You glanced at him, already moving to light the herbs. “Where I was,” you added, as if that would help.
And strangely—it did.
He laid back slow, muscles tense, still shirtless. The mat was still warm from where your body had been. His eyes followed as you knelt beside him, with the bowl between your hands, smoke beginning to rise in soft ribbons.
“What’re you doing?” he asked, voice low, rough-edged.
“I’m going to ease you,” you said simply.
He blinked. “Ease me?”
Your brow lifted faintly as you shifted closer, the bowl now resting just beside his chest. “Breathe it in.”
He gave you a look—wary, frozen. “… You tryin’ to get me high?”
That earned him a slow eye-roll, the first of the night. “Do I look like I have time to poison you?”
You reached out and tilted his head gently sideways, your palm warm against the back of his skull as you lowered him slightly toward the smoke. It curled around his face, slow and sweet, sinking into his lungs before he could second-guess it.
He didn’t resist. Didn’t speak again either.
Your thigh was firm beneath his head as you held him steady, a quiet rhythm to the way your thumb absently moved behind his ear. His eyes fluttered, the tension in his chest loosening incrementally with each inhale.
It didn’t feel like getting high. Not quite. But the weight in his limbs was shifting. His breathing evened. The pounding in his skull—that leftover echo from the dream—finally began to fade.
He felt it first in the weight of his limbs. Like gravity had changed its mind about him—pulled him lower, slowed everything down. Bucky blinked slowly as you guided him back, your hand pressing flat against the center of his chest. Not pushing, just steady. Coaxing.
He let himself fall flat.
The bowl still smoked somewhere nearby, but all he could see was you. Leaning over him now, your silhouette catching candlelight in your hair, your palm cupping the side of his face as your fingers moved to his temple in slow, circular strokes.
His eyes fluttered again. Lulled.
Your thumb skimmed along his brow. You were saying something—not to him exactly—a soft murmur in Xhosa that moved like song under your breath. He didn’t know the words, but the cadence alone sunk into him like warmth. A lullaby hummed in a language he didn’t speak.
He swallowed thickly.
You stayed close, your face just above his, eyes downcast in focus as you massaged around the edge of his skull, careful with the ridges of scar near the base of his hairline.
He sighed. Not because he meant to—it just… escaped. “This is nice,” he mumbled, voice heavy with haze.
Your hands didn’t stop moving.
His eyes cracked open again, barely. “…Your hands are warm.”
Still, you said nothing. Just kept tracing his temple, like drawing a map of him you already knew.
He let out a slow breath through his nose. “They used to tie me down,” he murmured. “Did you know that?”
The question wasn’t really a question.
He closed his eyes again. “They thought it was easier. When I was screamin’.”
You didn’t flinch. Not once. Instead, your fingers moved to the edge of his jaw. Gentle. Respectful.
“I hated that room,” he said faintly. “Hated how it smelled. Burnt wires and metal. Like blood and cold sweat.”
Another breath. This one caught a little. He didn’t open his eyes. “You’re the only thing that’s smelled… good. In a long time.”
It was so quiet, you almost thought he’d fallen asleep—except his eyes blinked open again, glassy and half-lidded. Staring straight at you.
“They told me I was a weapon. Like I wasn’t supposed to feel anything.”
You didn’t stop touching him.
“They lied,” he whispered.
His head turned into your palm just slightly. Seeking. Grounding.
“They fucking lied.”
You didn’t mean to linger. But something in his voice—low, cracked open, more confession than conversation—held you in place. Your thumb brushed just under the curve of his cheekbone, and you felt it then, the smallest shift in him.
A lean. A sigh. His body loosening under your hands like a knot coming undone thread by thread.
“I know,” you murmured, so softly you weren’t sure if he heard.
But your hand remained at his face, thumb tracing that same quiet path. His skin was warm now—flushed from the herbs, from the still-fading fear.
“You are not that anymore,” you whispered. “You are not theirs. Not here.” Your words felt like breath. Like they were meant to stay close to him.
He didn’t respond at first. Then, slowly—almost unsure—his right hand lifted. Calloused, scarred, rough. He hesitated before his palm settled lightly over yours. Not holding. Just touching. Covering your hand with a kind of care that startled you.
And then… his lashes lifted. And in that moment, the weight of his gaze hit you like a rush of wind—not cold or cutting, but steady. Deep.
Blue. Honest. Exhausted.
He looked at you like he didn’t know how not to.
You swallowed, suddenly too aware of how close you were, how the candles flickered against the curve of his jaw, how your knees were pressed into the woven mat beside his hip. But you didn’t move.
You couldn’t.
“I see you,” you said, and it slipped out before you could decide whether or not to say it at all.
His brow twitched—not a frown, not confusion—just a quiet ripple of emotion you didn’t have words for.
“You are not a weapon,” you added, a little firmer this time. “You are not lost. You are here.”
And he was still staring. Not blinking. Not speaking. Just looking at you like maybe—just maybe—he believed you.
Your heart beat quietly in your chest, a gentle rhythm you were sure he could hear.
He didn’t say thank you. He didn’t need to. His fingers pressed ever so slightly tighter over yours—not to stop you, but to anchor himself.
You didn’t let go. Neither did he.
The curtain rustled before his eyes had even fully opened.
Morning light bled soft through the thatch walls, and there you were—standing in the entrance of his hut, framed by sunlight and fabric still shifting behind you in the breeze. You had a wrapped bundle in your arms, a satchel hanging over one shoulder, and a look on your face that made him blink.
Not your usual expression. Not the pointed sort you wore when telling him to focus or pull his weight or eat slower. No—this was different. You were… trying not to smile.
“You’re awake,” you said, like it wasn’t fully a question. “Good.”
Bucky sat up on one elbow, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. His shirt clung to him slightly—the nights were warmer now. “Didn’t expect visitors this early,” he muttered, voice still hoarse with sleep. “What’s going on?”
You hesitated for a second—a small pause, almost invisible, but he caught it.
“I want to show you something,” you said at last.
Your eyes flicked to the ground for just a heartbeat. You adjusted the strap on your shoulder. He could see the way your fingers fidgeted briefly around the bundle you were carrying, then stilled with intention.
“It is a little far,” you added. “We will be back before nightfall. Pack something light.”
He blinked again. “Where?”
You didn’t answer immediately. Just gave a small shrug and tilted your head toward the basin where he kept his things.
“Not telling?” he asked, still trying to gauge you—trying to figure out why you looked half-excited, half-nervous.
Your gaze finally landed on his, steady this time. “It is… something special,” you said simply. And then, just like that, you turned and stepped back into the morning sun.
The curtain swayed behind you, still fluttering when he stood up.
He packed slowly. His mind didn’t race, but it moved—steady and curious. It wasn’t like you to act unsure. Wasn’t like you to seek his company without a task or a lecture or Shuri’s requests behind it. Something about your voice—the soft lilt, the careful pause—sat low in his chest.
Something special.
He tightened the strap on his satchel, slung it over his shoulder, and stepped out into the day, where you were waiting at the edge of the path. Arms still full. Eyes on him now, expectant and quiet.
“Ready?” you asked.
He nodded.
It started with open veld; long grass brushing their legs, morning sun angling down warm and full, but the terrain shifted quickly. The trees grew thicker, their shadows stretching over soft ground as you moved ahead, light on your feet, sure in your steps.
Bucky followed, just a few paces behind. His satchel bumped gently against his side. He watched the way the earth darkened and softened the deeper you went—dry clay giving way to rich soil, winding roots and low, knotted branches marking a path that was clearly familiar to you.
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?” he asked, stepping over a ridge of rocks.
“No.”
You didn’t even look back when you said it—your voice playful, almost sing-song.
Bucky exhaled a small breath through his nose, not quite a laugh. “Will you ever give me a straight answer?”
You turned your head just enough for him to glimpse your smile. “When I feel like it.”
He shook his head, but kept moving. Your pace wasn’t rushed, but it had that same unbothered ease he’d come to recognize in you—like the wind chose its own path and you simply followed.
Birds chattered high in the trees above. The air smelled green and damp and alive.
“You always do this?” he asked after a beat. “Wake people up at dawn, drag them into the jungle?”
“No,” you said over your shoulder, ducking beneath a low branch with fluid grace. “Just the ones I like.”
That earned a real breath of laughter from him—short, surprised, and involuntary.
And you caught it. You didn’t say anything, but he saw your shoulders shift a little. Not in smugness, but in something softer. Like you were pleased with yourself—with him, even—in a way that wasn’t sharp or teasing. Just light.
He realized then that he liked this version of you. This playful one. This confident, grounded energy without the sharp corners. The way you didn’t explain every step but still made it feel like there was nowhere else he was supposed to be.
And he didn’t even mind not knowing where the hell you were going.
They moved through the underbrush in companionable quiet now—his boots crunching lightly on fallen leaves, your bare feet moving soundlessly over earth you knew like breath.
You brushed aside a low-hanging vine, glancing back at him. “Do you know of Bast?”
Bucky blinked. “Your goddess?”
You smiled. “She is not just a goddess.”
The path curved inward, narrowing between thick trunks and flowering branches. As you walked, your fingers reached out absently to the trees—not brushing them, but acknowledging them, as if they’d notice.
“Bast is…” You took a breath, choosing your words carefully. “She is the protector. The first of us. The one who saw we needed help when the world was chaos. She gave the first king his vision. She gave him the heart-shaped herb. She gave him strength, and clarity. She still gives it.”
He didn’t speak, but you could hear his footfalls behind you—steady, quiet.
“She is not like your god,” you added after a moment. “She does not punish. She does not ask us to kneel.”
Bucky’s brow furrowed. You didn’t see it, but you could feel the curiosity from him like heat.
“She is in the land,” you said softly. “In the wind. The soil. The water. She is breath. She is mercy.”
You stepped over a cluster of stones, your voice low but sure. “When a child is born, we whisper her name over their skin. When someone dies, we sing them back into her arms. That is how we know no one is ever truly gone.”
Bucky was quiet for a long stretch. He didn’t say he didn’t believe in that—didn’t scoff or question or turn away. He just kept following, gaze flicking between the trail and you.
You glanced back again, caught the way his face looked softer than usual. Not skeptical. Just… listening. Open in a way you hadn’t seen before.
“Sounds like a lot to believe in,” he said finally, but his voice was gentler than usual.
You shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe it’s simple.”
The terrain shifted as you led him higher—from jungle undergrowth to uneven stone. The trees thinned, and the light changed with it. What had been filtered green was now brighter, sharper, streaking through cracks in the canopy above.
“Careful here,” you said, offering your hand without ceremony as he eyed the ridge ahead.
He took it without hesitation.
The incline wasn’t steep, but the rocks were slick with moss, and his footing was still off sometimes—one arm making balance harder than it should be. You watched the way his boots scraped and slipped, how his jaw tightened when he stumbled. But he didn’t complain. Not once.
You steadied him by the elbow once, and he let you. It wasn’t until the path leveled that he spoke again, a little breathless. “You Wakandans love hiding things on mountains.”
You snorted. “No one hides them. The world just forgets how to look.”
You moved ahead, parting the tall grass with your hands. It gave way to a clearing—and beyond that, the edge of the cliffs. The wind picked up, rolling over your skin in cool waves. “This is where they used to live,” you said quietly. “The Isisa.”
Bucky’s brow furrowed as he stepped beside you. “What’s that?”
Your lips tugged upward. “Once, they filled the sky.”
You pointed out over the horizon. The view stretched endlessly—ridges layered like waves, sky sweeping wide and untouched.
“They were winged creatures. Huge, the size of a small plane. Sleek like birds, but not quite. They used to fly in flocks above the cliffs, circling during spiritual rites. Watching. Guiding.”
He glanced at you, watching the way you stared out, like you were seeing more than what was there.
“They were Bast’s messengers,” you said. “People believed they carried souls. That when someone passed, an Isisa would come for them, guide them to the next realm.”
Bucky was quiet.
You didn’t look at him when you added, “They were also protectors. They flew during war. During coronations. During births. When Bashenga became king, and the tribes united… they began to disappear. People thought it was because they had done their part.”
He looked up again, scanning the empty blue sky. “And they haven’t been seen since?”
You hesitated, then gave a small smile. “Not exactly.”
He turned to you.
You looked at him then—really looked. The wind caught your hair, moving it gently. There was a softness to your features now, one he hadn’t seen before this day. You took a breath, grounding yourself.
“Most thought they were extinct,” you said, voice quieter. “But some believe they only return when truly needed. When something sacred is reborn.”
Bucky’s gaze lingered on you a moment longer than it should’ve. You felt it, and pretended not to. You turned your face to the wind instead, eyes closing briefly, before you continued onwards.
The path narrowed into a ledge carved into the cliffside, half-swallowed by roots and vines. You moved with ease, hands brushing the moss-damp bark, ducking under low-hanging branches. He followed carefully behind you, keeping his steps even, his eyes scanning everything.
The wind shifted as you climbed the last steps—stone smoothed by time and ritual. You turned, offering your hand as he reached the final ridge. He took it.
And then he heard it.
A sharp, high-pitched cry split through the air—haunting and strange, like a hunting eagle crossed with a lion’s growl. His whole body locked up, and his hand unconsciously went to his hip like he expected to find a weapon there.
You didn’t flinch. You only smiled softly and turned your head upward.
That’s when he saw it.
Wings spread wide above the trees, slicing through the sunlight. The creature was massive—its wingspan nearly the width of the cliff itself, casting a long shadow as it descended. Its body was sleek and long, somewhere between reptilian and avian, but graceful in a way that didn’t make sense for something that size. The skin shimmered teal when it caught the light, streaked with gold at the edges of its wings and lined with deep, black butterfly-like patterns.
It wasn’t just beautiful. It was divine.
Bucky’s mouth parted slightly. “Shit.”
You didn’t laugh. You just watched her circle above once, then land effortlessly on a thick branch extending from one of the ancient trees—her claws gripping bark, wings tucking in slowly with a low rumble of breath.
She turned her head toward you. Her eyes were wide and amber-gold, intelligent. Knowing.
You stepped forward, head bowed just slightly—not in fear, but something gentler. A quiet greeting. When you turned back to Bucky, your expression had changed. Something softer, more vulnerable.
“This is Za’ta,” you said quietly. “She is… my soul sister.”
Bucky looked at you, then at the creature, then back at you. You weren’t looking for a reaction. You weren’t showing off. If anything, you looked a little shy—bashful in the way your shoulders tilted, how you rubbed your fingers together absently at your side.
He took a step closer, eyes never leaving Za’ta. “Soul sister?” he said, voice low.
You nodded. “She found me when I was a child. I thought she was a dream. No one believed me at first.”
“And now?”
“Now they call her a sign. A reminder that Bast is still watching. That something lost can still return.”
Za’ta gave another low sound in her throat, deep and resonant, like a purr wrapped in thunder. She didn’t seem threatened by him. She only stared. You stepped closer to the base of the tree and reached up, fingers brushing her forelimb with a familiarity that spoke of years. “She is very protective. So don’t be surprised if she does not like you.”
Bucky gave the smallest huff of amusement. “Fair. Most people don’t.”
You glanced over your shoulder at him, your hand still resting on Za’ta’s forelimb. “Come,” you said softly. “She won’t hurt you.”
Bucky stood a few feet back, boots pressed into the soft earth just beyond the tree’s wide roots. His gaze flicked between you and the massive creature now crouched along the thick branch above, wings slowly folding in. His shoulders stiffened slightly.
“She looks like she wants to bite my head off,” he muttered.
You smiled at that, a quiet thing. “Only if I ask her to.”
He didn’t laugh, but the corner of his mouth twitched.
You extended your hand to him—palm up, open—and held it there.
For a moment, he didn’t move. Then, slowly, he stepped closer. The wind tugged at his hair, and his left sleeve—still pinned and folded neatly—brushed his side as he raised his right hand to meet yours. You wrapped your fingers gently around his and guided his palm toward Za’ta’s snout.
Her breathing shifted as she leaned her head forward just slightly. Her nostrils flared as she scented him, and Bucky went still—not frozen, just… alert. Present.
You watched his face, not the moment itself.
His brows were drawn just slightly, lips parted, eyes wide with something more than awe. Wonder, maybe. He was still looking at her like she was something out of a world he hadn’t earned the right to see.
“She’s incredible,” he murmured. “I’ve never seen anything like her before.”
You didn’t look away from him. “I understand what you mean.”
You said it quietly—so quietly it barely rose over the breeze—but he heard it. Your fingers still laced with his. His handwarm in yours.
For a long moment, he didn’t look away from her. And then he did. His eyes dropped down to yours—slow, like gravity had to drag them—and when they landed, you felt it. Something pulled low in your chest. The hush between you suddenly thick.
You didn’t mean to lean in. He didn’t either.
But you did.
The space between you narrowed inch by inch, slowly, without urgency. Like neither of you realized it was happening until it was. His eyes dropped to your mouth for a breath—just a breath—and you felt his hand tighten around yours slightly, like a tether.
Then—
A sharp screech cut through the air, sudden and piercing.
You both flinched back.
Za’ta’s wings rustled as she shifted her weight impatiently, clicking her jaws once and tilting her head between you. Watching. Demanding.
You exhaled a shaky breath and laughed under it—embarrassed, heat prickling behind your ears.
“She… she hates when the attention is not on her,” you said quickly, stepping back and letting go of his hand. “She has always been like this.”
Bucky didn’t say anything. He was still watching you. His expression unreadable—but softer than you realised.
You looked anywhere but at him.
And Za’ta huffed again, smug.
The jungle held its breath.
Night clung thick between the trees, but the clearing was cast in amber—the flames from the ritual fire dancing in wide arcs, casting flickers of gold across both your faces. The logs crackled, popped softly. A slow curl of smoke drifted into the canopy, disappearing into the dark.
Bucky sat cross-legged before it, his bare arm resting loosely on his thigh.You stood across from him, wrapped in your ceremonial drape. Quiet. Still. He wasn’t looking at you. His eyes were locked on the flames, unmoving. His breath was steady, but shallow. Too even. Like if he let it go, he’d break.
“It is time,” you said softly.
He didn’t respond right away. His fingers flexed once against his knee. Finally, his voice came—low and rough. “Are you sure?”
You took a step forward, slow and deliberate. The beads around your ankles chimed gently as you moved through the red light.
“I would not have brought you here if I wasn’t,” you said.
He nodded once, jaw tight. Still didn’t look at you. His voice was quieter the next time. “What if it doesn’t work?”
You watched him, “Then we keep trying.”
“And if it does… if I change—” His throat bobbed. “If I become him again?”
The fire was between you, but only barely. Its warmth licked at your skin. “If it comes to that,” you said gently, “I will stop you.”
He looked up then. His eyes met yours—and you saw it. The fear sitting just behind the surface. The quiet, desperate hope.
You held his gaze. Firm. Steady. “You will not hurt anyone,” you said. “Not tonight. Not here.”
The fire hissed.
Bucky blinked once, then nodded—almost imperceptibly. You saw the way his shoulders drew in, not from shame but from restraint. He wasn’t bracing for failure.
He was bracing for possibility.
You reached into the small carved bowl at your side and pinched a bit of the dark herb Queen Ramonda had prepared—a grounding agent meant to stimulate memory but soften the nervous system. It burned bitter in the flames.
He didn’t flinch.
You closed your eyes for a moment, whispered something under your breath—not for him, but for Bast. Then opened them. You met his gaze again.
The flames painted shadows along his cheekbones, flickering across his skin like something alive, but he didn’t blink. His eyes were fixed on the center of the blaze, shoulders taut, chest rising just a little too fast to be calm.
You took a slow breath, grounding yourself before you spoke.
“Тоска.”
He flinched. Not hard—not visibly—but his body gave a slight jolt, like something deep inside him had twitched on instinct. His eyes didn’t leave the fire, but his jaw clenched.
You continued, voice low but even.
“Ржавый.”
A breath stuttered out of him. You saw it; the twitch at the corner of his mouth, the slight widening of his eyes, like a thread was pulling somewhere in the back of his mind. A place he hated.
“Семнадцать.”
He swallowed thickly. His shoulders rounded in a little tighter, like he was bracing for impact—not physical, but worse. A memory pressing down on him from the inside out.
“Рассвет.”
His breathing hitched again, shallow and audible now. Still no movement. Just his eyes, fixed in the fire, wide and shining.
“Печь.”
A sharp inhale.
“Девять.”
A small tremor in his hand. He didn’t stop you. Didn’t speak.
“Доброкачественный.”
His teeth gritted, muscles in his jaw tight. You could see the glassy sheen now, clinging to his eyes, but he refused to blink. As if even that was too dangerous. Too vulnerable.
“Возвращение домой.”
A flicker. His mouth opened slightly—not to speak, just to breathe. His chest rose in short, sharp pulls. Still, he sat.
“Один.”
The fire popped, as if it had heard. You waited just a second longer. A breath. And then—
“Грузовой вагон.”
It landed like stone dropped in still water.
You watched his face. The glassiness turned to wetness. One tear—not sudden—just… there. Sliding down the side of his face, unbothered by pride. His mouth parted with a sound so small you almost missed it. Not a cry.
A release. A breath he'd been holding for years. You moved then, quietly and carefully, until you were kneeling beside him. You didn’t touch him.
“They’re gone,” you said softly. “The words have no power over you.”
He gave a small nod, barely there, then looked down at his lap. And that’s when it cracked.
A sob escaped—quiet and short, like it had snuck out without permission. His head dropped forward slightly, shoulders hunching. Just… shaking. As if his body didn’t know what to do now that the chains were gone.
His head hung low, his spine curved inward like his body was trying to protect something it no longer knew how to hold. The fire behind you cracked and hissed, but it felt distant now, a heartbeat outside your own.
You sat with your legs tucked beneath you, your hands resting in your lap, eyes fixed on the tremble of his shoulders. You didn’t speak. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t crumble the moment.
Then—quietly, like the words had to be dragged from somewhere inside him—he lifted his head. His eyes were swollen, lashes wet, his nose red, and he looked at you like you were the only thing tethering him to earth.
“…Thank you,” he breathed.
And just like that, your resolve gave out.
You leaned forward without thinking, hands rising to gently cup his face. Your palms were warm against his skin, thumbs brushing beneath his eyes with more gentleness than you meant to show.
He stilled.
His hand stayed in his lap, clenched tight. His left shoulder twitched once against his side, useless, aching. It made him feel unbalanced, almost childlike.
But you didn’t care. You guided his gaze back to yours, close enough that your breaths tangled.
“You are free,” you whispered, your voice a little shaky now. “You hear me, James? You are free.”
His mouth moved like he was going to say something—maybe your name, maybe nothing at all—but no sound came. Just another breath, sharp and broken.
And then he leaned forward. Not rushed, not messy. Just… drawn to you. His forehead came to rest against yours, tentative at first, like he was afraid you’d pull away. But you didn’t. You stayed still, your hands still holding his face, and you let him come to you.
His body trembled against yours as his head dipped, resting against your temple, your hair, your shoulder—wherever he could find something solid.
You didn’t need to speak.
You just stayed with him in the firelight, your hands still cupping his face, while he finally let himself cry.
He couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice.
“You’re not gonna tell me where we’re going, are you.”
Your back was to him, but he heard the grin in your breath—light, soft, teasing.
“No.”
The path had narrowed again, the jungle around you thick with dusk. The last hints of sunlight filtered through the canopy in broken threads, but you moved easily, your pace quick and effortless as always. Bucky followed, trailing just behind you—not struggling, just distracted.
Mostly by you.
You were walking a little slower than usual, like you wanted him to catch up, and he did—only to stop again when you turned just slightly and the dying light caught your skin.
He hadn’t said anything yet, but he’d noticed. How your clothes tonight was lighter. Lower on your shoulders. A slit along your hip he was trying very hard not to stare at. Your jewelry caught what little light there was—gold and copper tones that glittered faintly at your throat and wrists. And your scent—
He couldn’t ignore it. It hit him in waves, warm and sharp and soft all at once. Something creamy, but richer. Something smoky and sweet underneath it, like crushed herbs rubbed gently between warm palms.
It made something tighten in his gut before he had a chance to understand why. “You know I don’t like surprises,” he muttered, pushing a low branch aside with his hand.
“You say that,” you hummed, “but you always follow me.”
That made him huff a quiet breath. Not quite a laugh. Just enough to admit you were right. He didn’t ask again. He just kept his eyes on the way your bare shoulders caught the last of the gold light, the way your hips shifted gently with each step, how loose your body was—not careless, just… unguarded.
And then he heard it. A low, rushing sound from somewhere ahead. Not wind. Not animals. Something steady. Powerful.
He slowed his steps. “…Is that a—?”
Bucky ducked beneath a cluster of vines, one hand brushing the trunk beside him for balance, his boots sinking slightly into damp moss. The roar of the waterfall grew louder as the trees thinned. The path narrowed again—now more of a ledge than a trail, sloped slightly downward, leading toward the sound.
You turned to him with a small nod, lifting your hand toward the curtain of water ahead. It shimmered silver in the last breath of evening light, a wall of liquid glass pouring down the cliffside like it had been doing so for centuries.
“This way,” you said, voice softer now.
He raised a brow. “Through it?”
You gave a small, sheepish shrug. “Trust me.”
He didn’t hesitate.
You stepped first, your hand skimming the rock as you angled your body along the edge of the cliff wall, slipping through the narrow gap between stone and water. Bucky followed, keeping close behind you.
The moment he stepped under the fall’s spray, he sucked in a sharp breath—the water hit cold at first, soaking his shirt instantly, cascading over his shoulders like a slap.
“Shit—”
His foot slipped on the smooth stone, and for a second he flailed, only for your hand to shoot out and grip his wrist—your fingers strong, grounding. You steadied him.
He blinked the water out of his eyes, still hunched slightly as the current pelted his back. You looked up at him, already drenched too, and laughed—not loudly, just a small, surprised sound that slipped out like you hadn’t meant for it to.
He stared for a second before something low in his chest gave—and then he was laughing too. Just a breath. Just once.
You held his arm a second longer than necessary before releasing him gently. “This way,” you said again, tilting your head toward the dark behind the water.
You led him through it—deeper, drier, into a space carved by nature and time. And then he saw it.
The cavern opened gradually, its walls slick and smooth, the ceiling arching high above like a dome. Faintly, impossibly, light glimmered from within the stone itself—streaks of soft violet pulsing through the walls like veins. White engravings—symbols, words, maybe names—had been carved by hand, some so old the edges had worn to nothing.
The sound of the waterfall became muffled here.
Bucky’s voice came quietly, like he couldn’t help it. “What is this place?”
You didn’t look at him at first. You stepped further in, water dripping from your arms, your back straight but your voice gentle.
“A place for prayers,” you said. “To be heard.”
You turned slowly to face him. Your eyes flicked to the glowing walls, then back to his face.
“…And sometimes answered,” you added, a little quieter.
You walked further in, your bare feet silent against the cool stone, stopping near a small rise in the floor where smooth slabs had been arranged in a wide circle—natural, almost like a nest of rock.
Bucky trailed behind you, slowly, eyes adjusting to the cavern’s low light. The pulsing violet veins in the walls gave just enough to see—shadows flickering gently over his face, the damp curve of his shoulders, the steady rise and fall of his breath.
His hand drifted out to trace the symbols nearest him. He didn’t touch them at first—just hovered. Then, slowly, he let his fingers graze the stone. The grooves were faint, worn, but still there. Words in a language he couldn’t read.
“We call this place…” you began, your voice echoing gently off the walls, “Umqolomba wezandi.”
Bucky glanced toward you. You were standing near one of the glowing crests, your hand resting lightly against the rock, like greeting an old friend.
“It means…” you turned toward him, “the cavern of echoes.”
His gaze flicked to the ceiling, then around again—like he was finally beginning to feel what this space was.
“Wakandans believe the walls carry the voices of our ancestors,” you continued. “When someone prays here, the wind returns the sound. Not loud—just… enough. Just a whisper.”
He didn’t speak. You stepped forward slowly, closer now, until your voice dropped slightly. “Some come here to seek guidance. Some to mourn. Others come to whisper things they’re too afraid to say out loud.”
He didn’t take his eyes off you.
The violet glow from the stone etched itself along your cheekbones, catching in the curve of your nose and the line of your collarbone. Your skin shimmered with it—like the cave was pulling its light from you, or maybe the other way around.
Bucky stood a few paces away, one hand still pressed lightly against the wall, fingertips resting on the carved stone.
“Why’d you bring me here?” he asked quietly.
You met his gaze just for a moment—and then turned away, eyes flicking toward the deepest part of the cavern. The faintest smile tugged at your mouth, sad and barely there.
“I thought…” you began, voice low, nearly drowned by the hush of dripping water, “you might like to see one last thing that is special to me.”
He stepped closer, slow and careful. His hand fell to his side. He didn’t rush you. Just stood there.
“One last thing?” he asked, softer this time.
You nodded once. Still not looking at him. “You are free now.”
The words came out smaller than you expected. You swallowed and pressed on, forcing them to be steady.
“Your mind, your body. They belong to you again.” You let out a tight breath, arms folding lightly over your stomach. “You are no longer bound to this place.”
He heard the shift in your voice. Not anger. Not even grief. Just that quiet thing that sits under both—a kind of sadness people don’t name. You kept your eyes forward. “You can go home. To America. To whatever life you have waiting for you.”
A beat passed. And then another. He said nothing.
You finally turned your head, just slightly, your gaze still somewhere near the floor. “You are not a prisoner, James.”
He was silent for a long moment. Then, voice low—not confused, not sudden, just certain.
“…What if I don’t wanna leave?”
That made your breath catch and you looked up. He was watching you. Not the way he looked at the walls, or the fire, or even the sky above the cliffs. He was looking at you.
You averted your gaze when you spoke again—voice lighter now, but not quite free of its ache.
“Well, you are free now,” you said, almost teasing, but not fully. “You can do whatever you want.”
Behind you, Bucky didn’t answer, but you heard the faint shuffle of his boots against the stone—inching closer.
You kept your gaze ahead, eyes following the purple light in the walls like it was safer to look at than him. “You could stay, if you wanted. Here in Wakanda.”
He was closer now—not quite beside you, but you could feel the warmth of him just over your shoulder.
“There is a place for you in the city. Or the village. You have many skills.” You gave a small shrug, hoping it looked casual. “They’d be lucky to have you.”
Your voice dropped slightly. “And if you wanted…” You shifted your hands in front of you, thumbs brushing over your knuckles. “You could create a family. Start again.”
You meant it. You did. Even if it scraped something raw inside you.
You exhaled slowly. “Wakanda has the most beautiful women in the world.” You glanced sideways, just enough to see his profile in the low light. “As you’ve seen in our village.”
That came out more bitter than you meant it to. He didn’t call it out. Didn’t acknowledge it it. Just kept his gaze on you, mouth twitching like he was biting back something.
“Amahle sings like a bird,“ you said, voice soft, but flat as you rolled your eyes, “Everyone says her voice could wake Bast herself.”
“... I don’t want Amahle.”
His voice came quiet, close behind your ear. You tried not to react, but your lips twitched before you could stop them. You turned a little more toward the wall, hiding your smile with another breath.
“Mandisa is a good hunter,” you added casually.
“Yeah,” he said, voice a little lower now. “She is.”
You turned sharply, brows furrowed, head snapping toward him, a frown growing on your lips.
Bucky was already smirking.
You sighed. “You are trying to be funny.”
“I’m succeeding.”
He looked pleased with himself. His face was relaxed in a way you didn’t see often—that boyish ease creeping through, tugging the lines of his mouth into something crooked and soft.
The smirk faded from his face slowly, but the closeness stayed.
He didn’t step back. Instead, Bucky leaned in—just a little—until his chest nearly brushed yours, the heat of him warming the air between you. You felt it rise, all at once, like your body had only just now realized how close he really was.
His breath touched your cheek. His nose almost grazed yours.
And then, gently, he raised his hand, fingers calloused and careful as they lifted to your jaw. He didn’t rush. Just let the back of his knuckles skim the side of your face first, like asking permission without speaking. When you didn’t flinch, his palm settled softly against your cheek.
You leaned into it. Barely. But you did.
He watched you. Every part of you. The slight part of your lips. The flutter of your lashes. The way your breath caught in your throat when he spoke.
“I know which woman I want,” he said, voice low—not raspy, not strained, just… quiet. Truthful. “But this woman must also choose me.”
The words sat there between you, trembling slightly in the stillness.
And then you smiled. Soft at first. Small. But real.
It bloomed slow, like light warming over your face—the kind of smile that reached your eyes, crinkled the corners, made your lashes lower like you were trying to shield the joy behind them.
And Bucky…
He didn’t breathe for a second.
Because it hit him suddenly—that smile. That it could burn brighter than any fire in this cave. That it made something stir in him, deep and good and maybe desperate.
You tilted your head just slightly into his palm. And your voice came in a murmur—so quiet, it almost disappeared into the echoing stone.
“She already has.”
He didn’t move at first.
Even with your words hanging between you—soft and sure—he stayed still for a breath. His thumb brushed over your cheekbone slowly, once, and you watched the way his eyes dipped to your mouth, then back up to your eyes, asking without asking.
And then, finally, he leaned in. Slow. Careful. Like he was still waiting for you to change your mind.
You didn’t.
Your eyes stayed on his, heavy and unblinking. You could feel the way his breath trembled against your lips just before they touched—feather-light, a brush more than a kiss, like the moment itself was scared it would shatter if either of you moved too fast.
The first contact was barely a second.
He pulled back an inch, eyes searching yours again—checking. Not for rejection. For permission to fall apart. And then your fingers found his wrist and you held it there as you leaned forward this time, mouth tilting up to his again.
This kiss was deeper.
His lips pressed more firmly, shaping to yours with growing certainty. Warm. Intentional. His hand cupped your jaw tighter, not possessive, just present—thumb slipping behind your ear as your mouth opened slightly beneath his.
He tasted like breath and earth and the faint hint of herbs still lingering on his tongue. You sighed into him, your lips parting again, more confidently this time—and he met it, tilting his head, deepening the kiss until your noses brushed and your mouths moved like they’d done this before in another life.
It wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t wild. But it was hungry, like something long-denied finally unfolding itself without shame.
You felt the drag of his bottom lip against yours when he pulled back just enough to breathe—only to kiss you again, mouth firmer now, more certain. You answered with a small sound in your throat, something soft and needing, and his hand slipped from your cheek down to your neck, holding you there.
Your lips stayed locked —deep, slow, and consuming. His mouth moved against yours like he was trying to memorize the shape of it, learn the exact pressure that made you sigh, how long to linger before pulling away and pressing back in.
His dragged his knuckles lightly down the line of your throat. You shivered, not from cold, but from how warm your skin felt under his touch—slick, soft, prepared.
He felt it too. His fingers paused at your collarbone, as though registering something he hadn’t noticed until now—the way your skin gleamed faintly in the purple cave light, the faint shimmer of oil that clung to your shoulder.
He broke the kiss, just barely, lips still brushing yours as he whispered, “You smell really… good.”
You smiled, small and shy, as his hand moved again, trailing along the curve of your shoulder with a gentleness so soft it didn’t need the word.
“Shea butter,” you murmured against his mouth. “And… rose oil.”
“Mm,” he hummed. “Thought I was going crazy.”
Your noses bumped again as he kissed you once more—deeper this time, tongue sliding gently against yours. Your lips parted easily, like you’d been waiting for him to stop holding back.
His tongue moved slow—careful, tasting—coaxing yours to meet him with the same rhythm. The heat pulsed low in your belly. You leaned closer, your body drawn to his without needing to think, and you felt his hand skim further down—across the line of your upper chest, fingers splayed. The pads of them gliding over oiled skin, the slip of it making his breath hitch in his throat.
He didn’t speak again. He didn’t need to.
His hand kept moving—lower now, tracing the inside of your arm, then circling back up to press against the small of your back, guiding you closer into him. The kiss had deepened into something more now—your mouths slow but messier, wetter, tongues sliding in practiced rhythm, breath catching between swallows.
Your body responded in kind—your chest rising, brushing his, your hips tilting slightly, angling into his heat. His hand moved again—back to your neck, then your shoulder—his thumb slipping over your collarbone, down the swell of your chest, just grazing the upper curve of your breast through the fabric.
You broke the kiss gently, your lips lingering against his for a second longer before you pulled back, eyes fluttering open to meet his.
“Let me see you,” you whispered.
His brows twitched slightly, his breath shallow, but he didn’t ask what you meant. He just looked at you—looked through you—for a moment longer, then reached for the hem of his shirt.
The fabric stuck slightly to his skin, damp from the air and the heat between you. He tugged it upward in one slow pull with his hand, careful not to rush, and let it fall behind him with a dull whisper on the stone floor.
You exhaled.
The cave light caught the lines of him—soft purples and muted whites streaking across the planes of his chest, the hard curves of muscle shaped by war and grief. His torso was broad and strong, marred with a constellation of old scars. Some long-faded. Some newer. Some you’d seen before, from a distance when he washed by the river.
But now, they were offered to you. Your hands lifted slowly, sacred without trying to be. You let your fingertips touch his chest first—just a brush, testing. He stayed still.
You dragged your hand up, tracing the faint slash beneath his ribs, then higher, over the long scar that cut across his sternum. His skin was warm. Alive. Steady.
Your other hand joined, smoothing along his chest, rising toward his shoulder—his right—where flesh still met bone. You felt the dip of his collarbone under your thumb. The tension in his neck.
And then you saw it. The left side. The end of it.
The soft, healed edge where the metal used to continue. Now just a metal shoulder, curved and cold where limb had once been. You didn’t hesitate—your hand moved there too, fingers slow, brushing the edge where metal had once been forced into living body.
That’s when he looked away.
He dropped his head slightly, jaw tight. You felt the shift in him, like something pulling back. “I wish…” he said softly, the words caught on something raw. “I wish I could feel you with both hands.”
Your chest ached.
You moved without thinking—both hands rising to cup his face, gently but with certainty. His skin was warm under your palms, scruff along his jaw. You tilted his face back toward you.
“Don’t look away,” you whispered.
His eyes found yours again, guarded but open. Flickering. You held him there.
“This,” you said, your thumb brushing lightly beneath his cheekbone, “is a symbol of your survival. Your strength.”
He didn’t speak. Didn’t need to.
You leaned forward and pressed your forehead to his, letting your hands fall back to his chest—grounded, present.
“I want you,” you said quietly. “Just like this.”
Bucky couldn’t remember how they got to the ground.
One minute, your mouth was on his, your hands mapping his chest with slow adoration, and the next—he was on his back, the cool stone of the cavern floor beneath him, smooth as water-worn bone.
You were in his lap, straddling him, your knees braced on either side of his hips. His hand was on your waist, fingers digging in, not hard—but anchored, like he needed the contact to keep himself tethered to this moment. To you.
Your lips never left his. It was slower before. Gentle. But now—
Now it was need.
You kissed like it had been years. Like it had been denied for lifetimes. His mouth was open against yours, breath ragged, tongue dragging against yours in a rhythm that was no longer careful. Your hands had disappeared somewhere—he couldn’t even tell where—because all he could feel was your body moving against his, your chest brushing his, your thighs tightening every time your hips rolled just right.
His beard scraped against your cheek, your chin, the underside of your jaw as he kissed lower, biting softly at your throat, open-mouthed and warm. You arched into him, your back curving, and his hand followed instinctively—pressing flat along your spine, guiding your body closer until there was nothing left between you but heat.
You smelled like sweat now—like skin, oil, the scent of perfume still clinging to your pulse points. The smell of you dizzying, something earthy and warm and faintly sweet. He wanted it everywhere. On his tongue. In his mouth. On his body.
He grunted something low in his throat and pressed his mouth to your collarbone, his lips dragging over the slick warmth there, tasting the rose oil and salt. His hand moved up, cupping the back of your neck, thumb pressing under your jaw as he pulled your mouth back to his.
He needed to feel you everywhere.
Your hips shifted again—slow, grinding, and his cock twitched hard beneath the fabric, trapped between your bodies. You felt it. He knew you did. The noise you made—soft, breathy—went straight to his spine.
His kiss turned rougher—still careful, still wanting to worship you, but there was nothing polite about this now. This was hunger. This was claiming. Your lips swollen, breath catching between gasps and moans. You kissed like you were already ruined. Like the fire you’d started weeks ago had finally reached its burn point.
You broke the kiss first. Not far—only enough to breathe—but he followed you instinctively, chasing your mouth like he wasn’t ready to let it go. His lips brushed yours again and again, searching, impatient.
“Wait,” you whispered.
He stilled, breathing hard, pupils blown wide as he watched you.
Your hand lifted slowly to the knot at the base of your neck—the simple tie holding your wrap in place. The movement was deliberate, almost shy, though your chest was rising fast enough to betray you.
Bucky’s gaze followed every second.
You tugged once.
The fabric loosened.
You tugged again.
And it slipped.
The cloth fell away from your chest and pooled around your waist, leaving you bare to him in the soft purple glow of the cavern. The cool air kissed your skin, but you barely noticed it—not with the way he was staring at you.
He looked at you like he’d forgotten how to breathe.
Your breasts rose and fell with your ragged breaths, skin shining faintly from oil and warmth. You could see the way his throat moved as he swallowed, the way his jaw tightened, the way his hand twitched against your hip like he didn’t know where to touch first.
You leaned forward and kissed him again before he could say anything. But his attention had shifted.
His mouth left yours almost immediately, sliding down to your neck, tongue dragging along the damp curve of your skin. He kissed there, slow and messy, lips open, teeth grazing just enough to make you shiver.
“Wanna taste you,” he murmured against your throat.
You gave a small nod, barely able to think, and his mouth moved lower. His hand slipped up your side, thumb brushing over the underside of your breast as his lips followed the same path. You felt his breath first, hot and shaky—then his mouth closed around your nipple.
The first pull of his lips made your head fall back.
A soft, unguarded moan slipped out of you as he sucked, gentle at first, then firmer—tongue circling, teeth grazing just enough to make your hips jerk forward against him.
Your fingers slid into his hair without thinking, holding him there as he switched sides, giving the same attention to the other breast. His hand kneaded at your waist, dragging you closer, guiding your body to move against his.
You rolled your hips again—harder this time—grinding down against him. You could feel him beneath you, thick and straining through his pants, and the friction made you gasp.
“My James—”
He groaned at the sound of his name, mouth still on you, and the vibration of it went straight through your body.
Your hands fumbled at the waistband of his pants, his breath hot and shaky against your neck as you kissed him between desperate, half-laughed curses. The sound of fabric dragging against skin filled the cave—wet with sweat, clinging, urgent—as he finally shoved them past his hips with your help.
You sat up just enough to tug them off the rest of the way, tossing them aside. He was already bare beneath, hard and flushed and waiting, the sight of him making your thighs tighten.
The air was thick around you, warm and damp, your bodies gleaming in the violet glow. Your chest was still rising fast, skin slick with oil and heat, and he was staring up at you now—flat on his back, hand firm on your waist like he couldn’t believe this was happening.
His mouth was parted, eyes trailing slowly from your breasts to your stomach to the place between your thighs. Adoring. Devouring. And still, just softer than lust. Like he was seeing a vision he didn’t think he deserved.
You leaned forward again, kissing him once, slow and open-mouthed, before whispering against his lips, “Now we become one.”
And then you reached between your bodies, guiding him to your entrance.
You angled your hips carefully, breath catching when the head of his cock pressed against you—thick and hot and already leaking, your folds slick from want and desire. He groaned beneath you, the sound strained and breathless as your hand stroked him once, then lined him up again.
You held his gaze as you began to sink down. Slow. Stretching.
Your body opened around him inch by inch, the burn sweet and perfect, your walls clenching as he filled you. You gasped, forehead dropping to his, and his hand clamped harder on your waist, thumb digging into the soft dip of your hip as he breathed through it with you.
“Fuck—” he rasped. “So tight—”
You whimpered against his jaw, your thighs shaking as you lowered further, the stretch making your head spin. He was thick, every inch dragging against you, and you could feel the way your body adjusted to take him. Your cunt fluttered as you seated yourself fully.
You stayed still a moment, chests heaving, foreheads pressed and breath shared.
And then you started to move—slow at first, easing into it, your hips rocking gently as you adjusted to the weight of him inside you.
Bucky groaned, the sound guttural and rough, his hand gripping your waist like a lifeline. His eyes were fixed on where your bodies met, the slick drag of you gliding up and down on his cock. He watched with his mouth parted, sweat already clinging to his brow, chest rising fast.
“Shit… you feel—fuck, you feel so good—”
You moaned at the praise, your hands braced on his shoulders as you picked up the rhythm—grinding down, then lifting, riding him slow and deep. Each time you dropped your hips, he hit that perfect spot inside you, and your breath came shorter, messier, your thighs beginning to tremble.
The cave amplified everything—the slap of skin, the wet glide of your cunt around him, your moans echoing off the walls, layered over the low roar of the waterfall beyond. The air felt thick with it, humid and alive.
You rode him harder now—hungrier.
Your breasts bounced with each thrust, your ass smacking against his thighs as you worked yourself over him, chasing every drop of friction. Bucky’s hand dragged from your waist up to your breast, cupping it, thumb brushing your nipple as he thrust up into you from below.
He could only touch what his hand could reach—but he touched you like it mattered. Like he meant it. Palm sliding down your stomach, fingertips trembling as they traced the sheen of oil and sweat, down to your pelvis where he pressed his thumb against your clit and rubbed.
You cried out, head snapping back, the pleasure white-hot.
“Look at you,” he groaned, voice cracking. “So fucking beautiful—riding me like this—”
You leaned down, panting against his jaw as you rode him harder, messier now, the rhythm losing its grace, becoming more primal. Your walls clenched around him, slick dripping down your thighs, the sounds of it loud, obscene, echoing like prayer.
He was too far gone now. The need—no, the craving—to feel more of you, to bury himself deeper, to give in overtook whatever control he’d been holding onto. And even with only one arm, he moved with purpose.
“C’mere—” he rasped, voice wrecked and low, and with a groan of effort, he shifted.
It wasn’t graceful—his balance off, his body strained—but somehow he managed to turn you beneath him, easing your back down onto the stone floor with a grunt and a clumsy half-roll that made both of you gasp-laugh through the haze. His hand braced above your shoulder, his knees sinking between your thighs, body hovering over yours.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he murmured, breath hot against your cheek. “Tighter.”
You obeyed, locking your thighs around his waist—holding him close, keeping him there, right where you wanted him. Right where you both needed this to happen.
And he started to thrust again. Harder now. Deeper.
Each stroke knocked a cry from your throat, your nails digging into his back, your body arching into him like your bones didn’t know how else to respond. His pelvis pressed flush with yours on every pump, the rhythm steady and sharp, and you could feel how deep he was—how full you were—how good he made you feel, even with just one hand and every ounce of concentration funneled into you.
He kissed you again—messy, open-mouthed, tasting your whines as they broke free, his body slamming into yours faster. When your head fell to the side, he kissed your neck, your shoulder, your jaw—everywhere he could reach, panting between moans, sighing your name into your skin like it was prayer.
And then he pulled back just enough to look at you.
His thrusts slowed for a beat.
The cave light shimmered across his face, sweat lining his brow, his chest heaving above yours. You could barely keep your eyes open, pleasure swimming behind your lashes.
But then he said it. Voice thick, barely a whisper.
“Ndiyakubona.”
I see you.
Even through the haze, your mouth broke into a smile—soft and dazed and full of everything your body couldn’t say. And without answering, you pulled him down, crashing your lips to his again, arms around his shoulders as your hips lifted to meet each thrust as it turned rougher.
Unrelenting.
It was no longer slow or sensual—it was instinct. The slap of his hips against your thighs echoed through the cavern, the air thick with sweat and breath and the wet, obscene sound of your cunt clenching around him with every punishing stroke.
He adjusted his stance, gritting his teeth, and shifted you up—pressing your knees toward your chest, his hand gripping the back of your thigh, holding it open as he fucked into you deeper. Your body arched under him, your head thrown back, mouth open, moaning without shame.
This was carnal now. Primal.
You were folded beneath him, trapped in a mating press, your legs shaking around his waist, your hands clutching uselessly at the slick stone floor as he drove into you like he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to.
He was panting—loud and sharp, every muscle tight—but his eyes never left you. He was watching. Watching your face, your mouth, the way your brows twisted, the way your back arched higher with each thrust, like you were caught somewhere between ruin and salvation.
“Finish for me,” he grunted. “Let me feel it. Let me—fuck—let me feel you.”
You whimpered, your voice breaking with each slap of his hips, the pleasure unbearable. And then it happened.
You cried out, legs clamping around his waist, your body locking up as the orgasm crashed through you—white-hot, full-body, helpless. Your walls clenched around him so tight it nearly knocked the air from his lungs.
Bucky felt it.
Felt you milk him, tighten around his cock like your body was made to take him. His head dropped forward, his mouth falling open in something like awe.
“Holy fuck—”
He stared at you, wild-eyed, stunned, like he’d never seen anything more beautiful.
You were still cumming—still gasping—your thighs trembling around him, your cunt pulsing as aftershocks rippled through your belly.
And Bucky had never felt anything like it.
Not in his entire life. Your pleasure, his name on your lips, your body spasming beneath him, because of him—
He was close. So close.
You were still panting, your body limp beneath him, your skin slick and glowing under the cavern’s low purple light—but he didn’t stop.
Bucky kept thrusting—slower now, but deep, deliberate, like he was chasing something he was scared to catch. His hand slid from your thigh to your waist, holding you steady, your cunt still fluttering around him, soaking and spent.
“Fuck—” he groaned, voice cracking. “I’m close—”
You looked up at him through heavy lashes, lips parted, skin flushed.
And he leaned down. Pressed his mouth to yours—soft at first, desperate beneath the tenderness—and kissed you through it.
Then he broke away just enough to breathe.
He thrust once.
Twice.
And on the third—he came.
With a broken sound in his throat, he drove into you, hips jerking as his release tore through him. He spilled deep inside you, thick and hot, his whole body shuddering from the force of it. His thighs trembled, his jaw slackened, and he dropped his head forward, forehead pressed to yours as he tried to catch his breath.
His arm shook beneath him, struggling to hold his weight, but he stayed there—inside you, skin pressed to skin, sweat dripping from his temple to your cheek.
For a moment, neither of you moved.
You kept your eyes open, watching him through the haze—not touching, not speaking. Just watching. The way his lashes stayed low, the small twitch of his jaw, the slight wince in his expression as the high began to ebb.
Then, slowly, he lifted his head.
He looked down at you, lips slightly parted, his chest heaving above yours. The expression on his face wasn’t something he could name—not yet. Not exactly. But it looked a lot like being broken open in the gentlest way.
He swallowed hard.
“…Shit,” he muttered, voice low and rough. Not ashamed. Just overwhelmed.
He was still inside you. Still hard, still twitching faintly from the aftershocks.
But even in that fog, he shifted—careful not to collapse onto you. He slid out of you with a low groan, drawing a quiet whimper from your throat at the loss, and moved onto his back beside you, his chest rising and falling in heavy waves.
You both stared up at the cavern ceiling for a few long moments. The stone above glowed softly, the walls still humming faint with the pulse of the violet veins.
Neither of you spoke.
And then—after maybe two breaths too long—he reached for you.
His arm came up and around your back. He pulled you into him, not forcefully, but fully—pressing your bare body against his chest like he couldn’t bear to let the space grow cold between you.
You folded into him easily, instinctively. Your head rested just below his jaw. His lips found your forehead.
And then—as if pulled—your mouth tilted up, found his again. Slower now. Softer. Still open-mouthed, still wet, but no longer frantic.
Your lips finally parted again, not out of need, but because you both simply ran out of air.
The kiss faded into stillness. Your forehead stayed against his, your fingers still resting on his chest, tracing absentminded shapes into the skin just above his heart. You could still feel it beating—slower now, steadier. But still there. Still real.
His hand smoothed along your back, dragging a lazy line down your spine like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. He didn’t speak. Not at first.
You didn’t either.
Until finally, he murmured—barely audible, but firm,
“…Thank you.”
You blinked. You pulled back a little, just enough to see his face. His eyes were still on you. Heavy-lidded.
“For what?” you asked, soft.
A pause.
Then he said it—slowly, like every syllable cost something.
“For saving me.”
Your lips parted, but no sound came out.
“I didn’t save you,” you said eventually, after a beat. “I only helped—”
“No,” he cut in, quiet but certain. “You saved me.”
Your brows pulled slightly.
He exhaled through his nose. Not out of frustration—just trying to find the right words. Words he wasn’t used to saying.
“I didn’t know if I’d ever… feel like a person again,” he said, his voice rasped with fatigue, but not hesitation. “Not after what they did to me. Not after all the decades that I was just a… a thing.”
He looked at you again. “And then I came here. And I met you.”
Your expression softened, almost imperceptibly, but you didn’t interrupt. You let him speak.
“You didn’t flinch when you saw me,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “Didn’t look at me like I was some... broken weapon. You just looked. And listened. And existed.”
He paused again.
“I haven’t been able to breathe in years,” he whispered. “Not without waiting for the trigger to pull again. Not without thinking someone’s gonna drag me back into something. But here… with you…”
His fingers flexed faintly against your back.
“I can finally fucking breathe.”
You blinked slowly. Your heart pulled so tight it hurt.
He didn’t need to say I love you. This was deeper than that. He still wasn’t looking at you directly now—not all the way. Just barely off, like it was too much.
And when you finally spoke again, it wasn’t to dismiss his words or soften them. You just said, simply,
“…You saved yourself.”
His eyes flicked back to yours. Still wide open. Still raw.
“I was just there to hold the net,” you said. “You did the climbing.”
You didn’t know how long you stayed there.
The rhythm of your breathing had synced again, like the hush between waves. The cavern, once echoing with gasps and desperate cries, was still now. A sacred hush laid over everything—water still falling outside, glowing rock pulsing soft violet all around you, but inside, it was just the two of you.
He was still staring at you.
You were still staring back.
At some point, you had propped yourself slightly onto your elbow, the cool of the stone under your skin grounding you as your other hand tangled with his. His thumb brushed yours absently, like he didn’t even realize he was doing it.
And then he spoke. Quiet. Uncertain.
“Maybe…” he began, the rasp still clinging to the back of his throat. “…maybe I had to go through all of it. The war. Hydra. All of it.”
You blinked slowly.
He swallowed.
“Maybe I had to lose everything so I could find you.”
His voice wasn’t smooth. It cracked halfway through. But he didn’t look away this time. Not when he said it.
Your chest tightened—too full, too much. Your heart hurt with it. In the most devastating way.
Your fingers lifted to his cheek, brushing the hair back that had fallen near his brow. His eyes closed under your touch—not from shame. Just from… feeling.
You leaned down, pressing your forehead to his, your voice almost a whisper.
“You did not deserve what they did to you,” you murmured. “Not any of it.”
His jaw clenched slightly.
You kissed the corner of his mouth.
“But you survived. You endured.”
You kissed his temple.
“And if the path led you to me…” You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes again.
“…Then I am grateful for every step you took.”
a/n | if you’ve made it this far, well damn, what did you think?
Okay so obviously i made up the Isisa based on the Ikran to make our girl extra special. and is based on Neytiri’s first Ikran, Seze:
I literally have a full on fic in my head of our girl being present in Black Panther's plot and Infinity War, but lets just put it in my back pocket for now.
The warthog and cave scene are directly taken from Avatar, when Neytiri first met and saved Jake; and their bonding and mating scene.
I still wanted to have more fluffy scenes before she became soft with bucky, with him watching her when she’s soft and playful with others, like during a baptism celebration, or more scenes with Za’ta
she’s supposed to give off this:
andddd also realised there wasn’t that many wakandan!reader fics, wonder why…
people can write and imagine themselves as russian assassins, goddesses and literal aliens… but never as an indigenous girlie, smh
a little more time | steve harrington x henderson!reader
word count: 7.4k
summary: The last 18 months have been hard on everyone, but Dustin is spiraling out of control. Steve will do anything to make sure you and your brother are safe, together, and loved. Crawls be damned.
content warnings: some s5, vol 1 spoilers, Steve pov, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, mild descriptors of blood, everyone is actually full of anxiety in this one, no use of y/n
author’s note: first fic!! I liked the idea to match the titles to a song that was playing as I was writing. love this one. I was really thinking heavily about how paranoid Steve could be, especially when he wants to protect something/someone. This is also very self indulgent so sue me! Please go easy on me this time, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. Enjoy!
Steve isn’t a stranger to having someone in his bed. There was once a time where this house—this room—was a revolving door of pretty sighs and low chuckles. A time where he thought Nancy was the one for him, and that there was nothing to be afraid of in this world outside of his parents’ vague yet ever lingering disappointment.
But now his room is at a standstill, void of all those old ghosts. The only sound being the soft huffs of air coming from the other side of his bed.
From you.
He doesn’t really know how long he’s been sitting here watching you. Long enough for the faint glow of moonlight to slowly slip down from its starting point near you brow to where it now cast a blue beam across the curve of your lips. Longer still that he has started timing those soft puffs of air, counting every rise and fall of your shoulders.
It’s a habit he picked up the night after everything had gone to shit over a year ago. Something in the devastation on Lucas’s face as they had rushed Max to the hospital had made Steve himself grow almost unfairly paranoid about his own girlfriend.
What right did he have, he’d ask himself. You hadn’t been selected to be one of Vecna's victims. You’d made it out of the Upside Down, Steve had made sure of that.
And although any scrape or bruise on you was an affront to everything Steve stood for…he was grateful that that’s all they were. Your eyes still clear, hands still carding absentmindedly through his hair when you can. So seeing you sleeping—albeit fitfully—is a blessing that he acknowledges every night.
Of course, he always has room for more habits. Picking fights with Jonathan for instance. You had sat primly in the passenger seat of the van just days ago, shaking your head while halfheartedly chastising him.
“Don’t be mean Steve. He’s going to assume you are going for a hostile takeover.”
There wasn’t a single hint of real anger in your tone though. In truth you also loved pressing buttons, especially when it came to Jonathan and Nancy.
You’d never quite forgiven them for playing hooky at Murray’s while you and Steve nearly became demodog food—no matter what their intentions were.
Steve pulled out a Bopper, another recently formed habit. Tearing at the wrapper he smirked over at you, “Maybe I want to keep him on his toes.”
“Well,” you let out a snort. “Then we will just have to divide and conquer.”
We. There was something so warm about your demeanor despite everything. You never left any room for doubt or distrust.
From the moment Dustin had dragged Steve to your house and thrown you into a world of monsters and lab experiments, you’d somehow decided he was worthy of something. Of trust, of being in your orbit. Of love.
It reminds him of standing in the soft rays of sunlight at the start of spring.
Now, the November chill curls up into his bones as he slips out of bed to perform his newest habit: checking on Dustin.
The doors to both Steve’s bedroom and the guest room across the hall are wide open. An unspoken rule when your brother spends the night. Harsh snores erupt from under the quilted blanket, currently the only sign in the cover of darkness that Dustin’s face was swollen beyond belief.
Whatever happened to him tonight was not a bike accident, that Steve knows for sure. His tough love tactic hasn’t exactly been successful lately, but honestly he’d take Dustin screaming at him over silence any day. The only white flag they had been able to fly these days was you.
Dustin had completely turned in his seat to stare at Steve once he explained what a shit show tonight had been. Jonathan was still fuming in the back of the van, headphones firmly on his head.
The words that had been thrown around between them didn’t bother Steve—not really. He was more offended that the older Byers brother still couldn’t get it through his thick skull that Steve has moved on. Happily even. Besides, he had bigger fish to fry than his ex and her very insecure partner.
“You let her go in there?” Dustin gritted out, rings glinting under the streetlights as his hands clench around the fast food napkin Steve shoved his way.
Steve rolled his eyes, “Henderson I don’t let her do anything. I didn’t even know about it until they were already on the way to the hospital!”
Truth. Though he was scared shitless, he’d never deny you the right to fight. Despite your qualms with Nancy, there had been zero hesitation in your bones when Will had given the group some sort of warning about the attack on the Wheelers house. You knew how to handle yourself, he’s seen it. Even if it does scare him.
“I asked one thing of you! You’re supposed to be protecting her and instead you can’t even figure out how to prevent a power surge,” Dustin’s voice cracks with disbelief as he swipes at the dried blood on his chin. “Why wasn’t she with you in the first place?”
Steve cradles his head in one hand as if that could dampen the headache rolling in, “She wanted to stay at the station in case you showed up you little shit.”
Dustin scoffs at that, “You told me you wouldn’t leave her alone.”
That’s it. Against his better judgement Steve slams on the brakes, throwing everyone in the van forward.
“Jesus Christ Steve! We’re losing the signal, what are you doing?” Jonathan yells, fumbling with the headphones as he braces himself against the built in desk.
Steve ignores him completely as he throws the van into park and fully swivels in his seat to look at the boy beside him.
“She isn’t alone. And you told your sister that you’d be careful. That you’d stop doing this,” he gestures up and down Dustin’s frame. “You remember that, huh?”
Dustin opens his mouth to say something but Steve presses on, “Do you know how worried she’s been tonight? Everyone was wondering where you could possibly be and if it had been up to her, we would have cancelled the damn crawl to look for you.”
“Guys come on!” Jonathan presses, “We are wasting time.”
Dustin’s blue eyed gaze pierced into him, but Steve didn’t let up on his stern expression. The silence of the night pressed into them, tall rows of corn swaying slightly in the breeze. Something snaps in Steve as he turns back into his seat.
Slowly, he shifts back into drive before muttering, “Yeah, we are wasting time. I’m looping around one more time and then we are going to the hospital.”
Jonathan sputters in protest, “But what about Hop? The crawl-”
“I don’t give a damn about the crawl Byers!” Steve shouts. “We lost him two hours ago. I don’t care what you tell your mom either, but we need to regroup. Take the van for all I care. But your girlfriend’s parents are in surgery. Holly is missing. And I’m going to get my girlfriend.”
Steve was never one to back down from anything, but there was an unfamiliar edge in his tone that silenced the other two. Not that Dustin was saying anything at the moment.
Jonathan finally radioed in to Joyce back at the Squawk, speaking quietly as if to soften the blow that Hopper would have to be on his own for now. Steve glances just once at Dustin blotting his nose tenderly, before turning down Cornwallis towards the glow of Hawkins.
If he was being totally honest with himself, Steve felt truly terrible about the Wheelers. Of course he did. But he was more concerned about minimizing any sort of panic within Dustin. You weren’t injured, that much he knew, but lack of wounds wouldn’t stop Dustin from the warpath he’s been on since Eddie.
At one time you were the protector. The older sibling that went above and beyond to get your brother and his friends out of harm’s way. You had the scars to prove it.
Now, Dustin treats you like you’re made of glass.
-
It had been little things with Dustin since Eddie’s funeral. You’d woken up one night to him tucked into bed with you—something he hadn’t done since you had moved to Hawkins. One night turned to every night, but you never questioned it, and he would disappear before your alarm went off in the morning.
He’d taken to constantly checking the batteries on your walkie, even when you’d said they were good. Steve even began to notice that your brother was nudging you as far away from doors and windows as humanly possible. As if you’d be snatched away if he wasn’t paying attention.
When you’d moved in with Steve after your graduation, Dustin didn’t riot. He just…adapted. Part of his excuse for showing up constantly was to avoid explaining why he was up at all hours after a crawl to your mother. She was thrilled at the very thought that you’d still be watching him.
But nobody was more thrilled than Steve himself. His parents didn’t make an effort to return home from Chicago once he’d told them about the quarantine situation. The last phone call he’d gotten was a quick happy birthday from his mother. Then of course she ended the brief call with a, “Do try to keep the house in order, dear.”
And order he kept. He knew they wouldn’t be coming back. You’d purchased soft yellow curtains that made the living room feel cheerful for once. Furniture was rearranged, and closets were filled.
It began to feel like a home.
So when Dustin showed up past the military’s curfew with an overnight bag and a small stack of books, Steve didn’t give you the chance to wonder if he was alright with it.
“Henderson!” he grinned wildly, before pulling Dustin inside. Your brother’s eyes were still dimmed but he had an expression of calm once Steve had slapped a soda in his hand and turned on the TV.
He had then disappeared upstairs for so long that you went looking for him. You’d found him in the guest room, your brother’s books stacked on the bedside table and extra blankets piled high at the foot of the bed.
“Baby?” you had a smile in your voice that made something in Steve’s heart swell.
“Do you think he would want his room painted?” he blurted out.
The truth was Dustin didn’t really care, but Steve shoved various paint chips into his hands for weeks until a deep green was begrudgingly selected.
It was much easier getting your brother to join in on the actual painting. You would bring them lemonade and hear Dustin laughing along to whatever Steve had come up with. Steve didn’t miss the glassy smile you gave him before popping out again.
The guest room project turned into the fence needing to be touched up, and that turned into your request to have the shutters done in blue.
Steve would come home with paint cans and Dustin would silently consent to assisting. He never pushed a topic, never brought up the bats or Eddie at all. He was just grateful to have the old Dustin back, even if it was just for a few moments at a time.
School made everything worse. Of course there was the Hellfire Club issue. But then there was Dustin’s unwillingness to forgive the student body as a whole. Nearly everyone at Hawkins High was guilty of complacency regarding Eddie’s death in his eyes—almost more than Vecna.
“His grades are fine,” you’d said one night at the dining table. “But he barely sleeps as it is. He seems…anxious.”
Steve frowned at the wrinkles of worry etched on your forehead. Trying to get you to relax he grabbed onto your hand gently, clearing his throat before saying lightheartedly, “I think we still have my mom’s sleeping pills.”
“Steven, we can’t sedate him.” you say sternly, though he can tell your heart’s not in it.
“Hey,” he tuts softly. “We’ll watch him. I just wanted to give you the nuclear option first.”
And you laughed before taking another bite of lasagna, meaning Steve had won another battle. He was just as concerned about Dustin as you were, but he was prepared to take the brunt of whatever this grief was transforming into.
-
The grief, it turned out, melded into near crippling anxiety about you.
You’d recently taken up a librarian position, offered to you in the wake of quarantine—no masters degree required for the time being. You and Steve had a schedule to maintain on top of the crawls, and Dustin needed to be in school, which meant less sleepovers.
Steve always tried to make sure that he was present with you at the Henderson residence at least once a week. He liked the idea of a family dinner. Of Claudia hugging him tightly and setting that week’s bouquet of flowers into a vase with unabashed glee. But more than that, it was an opportunity for you and Dustin to have time together.
Steve knew that it was going to be a problem when a surprise military shipment came in three months ago. You had to feign a cold to get the two of you out of family dinner last minute, leaving Dustin with your mother.
“Yes,” you said with a sigh of exasperation into the receiver. “No-Dustin, I won’t break the antenna. Yes, I’ll be careful.”
Steve stood next to you, frame leaning casually against the wall as he assessed the tone you were taking with your brother. He could just make out the muffled sound of his name through the line before you let out a sigh, shoulders slipping forward in defeat.
“Yeah, okay. I love you,” you hold the phone out to Steve. “I’m going to grab our snacks.”
Steve gingerly takes the phone as you start down the hallway, but not before ghosting his lips across your forehead.
“Hey Dust,” he greets.
Just a speck of dust, that’s what you called him when you were little. The ease of the nickname has embedded itself into Steve’s vocabulary.
“You have her mixtape?” Dustin asks bluntly.
Okay so this is how it’s gonna go tonight, Steve thought to himself.
“Yep. The soothing tunes of Fleetwood Mac are safe and sound.”
And they are, along with a variety of your favorite songs that he has in the van. And the station. And the living room stereo.
In fact, he has tapes for each member of the party scattered everywhere—spent the early months of quarantine holed up in the station, recording from the turntable. But no matter who the tape was for, he made sure the third track was Gypsy. For you.
There was a pause of silence that almost made Steve think Dustin had hung up. Then, softer now, “Be safe.”
Click.
And you were safe. Steve still hauled ass through town but went easier on the turns, determined to keep you in your seat. Everything went without a hitch, and you returned home in the early morning hours hand in hand.
“How long do we have to sleep?” you mumbled into his shoulder as Steve fiddled with the house keys in the darkness.
Steve sighs, silently cursing himself for not remembering to turn on the porch light before you left the house.
Squinting at his watch he replies, “Three hours? Maybe three and a half if we shower together.” He didn’t need extra light to know that you had matching smirks.
“Jesus, you two are disgusting.”
Steve didn’t think as he dropped the keys, shoving you behind him as you both turned toward the disembodied voice.
But you registered the familiar cadence much quicker than Steve. Poking your head around him you narrow your eyes before calling out your brother’s name.
Light erupts from the other end of the solid wooden planks, casting shadows along the side of the house. Dustin is holding court in one of the rocking chairs, flashlight in hand.
Steve sucks in a breath of air, “Henderson, what are you doing?”
Dustin avoids the eye contact before muttering, “I couldn’t sleep.”
“No dude, what are you doing outside my house at 3 in the morning?”
Dustin’s lips slip into a frown so similar to yours that it makes Steve blink, “I couldn’t get in.”
“Oh jeez Dust,” you say softly. Steve crouches down, feeling for his key ring while you pull your brother into a hug, “Does Mom know you are gone?”
Finally Steve jams the silver key into the lock, yanking open the door. He can see Dustin shaking his head out of the corner of his eye.
“Come on. In.” Steve calls, waving the two of you inside before firmly shutting out the rest of Hawkins.
A robotic sort of instinct took over him as he flicked on the kitchen lights and started pulling out ingredients. He can feel the two of you watching him in confusion as he yanks the egg carton out of the fridge.
“Henderson I can hear your stomach growling from here, will you grab the frying pan.”
There was a flurry of motion from you and Dustin behind him as he tried to wipe the grin off his face. The three of you ate breakfast as the sky gradually lightened, speaking softly and forgoing sleep entirely.
Steve made it a point to press a copy of the house key into Dustin’s palm a few days later. He wanted your brother where he could keep a close eye on him. And sure, there was good and bad days with Dustin—with all of you if Steve was being honest.
This was something Steve knew he couldn’t fix. There was no manual when it came to death and monsters and the loss of a friend. How can he shield both you and Dustin from any more disaster when you were still grasping at straws with the crawls?
It was these things pressing on his mind some weeks later as he played a laughing track for Robin.
“And don’t forget kids, please do not try to catch the mystery dandruff with your tongue. I can promise you that it isn’t snowing in August,” Steve scoffed at that one as Robin turned toward the records. “But I do forecast a slight drizzle with this next one by the Eurythmics.”
Here Comes The Rain Again started up and Rob reached across the panels to switch off the microphones just in time for the side door to slam open.
Both DJs flinched as the metal bounced against the wall, rattling the picture frames and plaques lining the walls. And then Dustin was bursting through the doorway, hair disheveled and chest heaving as his mouth moved a million miles a minute.
Steve scrambled to tug off his headphones, nearly overturning the stool he had been perched on in his haste to exit the sound booth.
Every worst case scenario from more Russians to Henry Creel standing outside the building flashed through his mind.
“Henderson,” Steve crossed the room in quick strides. “What happened?”
“She’s missing,” Dustin panted, dropping his backpack to the ground.
Steve’s face screwed up in confusion, “Missing?”
Names and faces flashed across his mind. Robin was right here, Max wasn’t disappearing from the hospital. Erica? Nancy? And you were-
At the same time, Robin stopped beside him, “Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”
Dustin ignored the pair of them, dropping to the floor by the couch and pulling out the crowbar Steve had hidden under there, among other blunt objects in the building.
“She’s not answering on the walkie. And I went by the library but Rose said she left in a hurry. An emergency.”
Library? The gears finally started turning again for Steve.
“Dustin, hold on a minute. Your sister-“ he began.
The younger boy actually gripped onto Steve’s shirt. Robin’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing behind her bangs.
“I forgot to radio her at lunch,” Dustin choked out. “I knew something would happen and now-”
“Dust?”
All three heads snapped up toward the sound of your voice. You had paused at the mouth of the hallway that leads to the kitchen and store rooms, balancing three steaming mugs of coffee.
Between your cozy look in Steve’s sweatshirt and the comically different shades of the coffee (black for you, extra sweet for him, and Robin somewhere in the middle) he felt an endearing, feather-soft tug on his heart.
Confusion clouded your eyes as you looked between Steve and Dustin. Steve was suddenly very aware of how unhinged your brother looked at the moment. Lowering his hands from where they were locked onto Dustin’s shoulders, Steve slipped the crowbar out of the boy’s hand.
You had set down the mugs by now, and Steve tried to give you a look to convey the severity of the issue.
“Rob, the music,” he mumbled tugging her back toward the booth.
She snatched up both their mugs as she trailed after him, giving you an apologetic smile. And there they sat, switching between Bowie and Wham!, ELO and even a Metallica song. That one was for Eddie.
Robin made sure not to look over at the siblings, but Steve wouldn’t look away. He didn’t need to hear through the thick glass to know that Dustin had begun to tearfully explain himself, talking with his hands as much as his voice. Your own gestures mirrored his, hair bouncing as you pointed toward the basement and then toward Steve himself.
Tension was obviously bleeding out of Dustin as his shoulders sagged further the longer you spoke. Though he knew you weren’t yelling, you had taken on a stern expression that made you look more weary than angry.
He only looked away when you finally threw your hands up in defeat before pulling your little brother into a desperately tight hug.
-
It was honestly a miracle that they hadn’t been pulled over on their way through town. Steve’s mind was clouded with half-baked jabs from a grumbling Jonathan and a deep need to just take you home.
“That was a red light back there in case you couldn’t see,” Dustin mutters beside him, voice nasally from the tissue shoved up both nostrils.
Swallowing a sigh, Steve’s hands tighten around the steering wheel as he immediately tries to relax his eyes. He knows he needs glasses. Could have used them since Starcourt, but he isn’t quite ready to admit that particular defeat.
“Yeah? Well keep getting the daylights beat out of you, and we can go to the optometrist together.”
Dustin doesn’t fight back, some of the anger fizzling out the more Steve states the obvious—this was no bike accident. Steve takes a moment to really look at the boy beside him, flashing back to that day at the Squawk.
Your ‘emergency’ wasn’t entirely fabricated. Murray had gotten through the check point with a shipment, including an obscene amount of ammo for Hopper. Along the way to the station for drop off, the truck had given out leaving Murray completely vulnerable to soldiers showing up for food only to find bullets and grenades. You could hear the frantic code coming from the walkie buried in your bag in the library’s break room, taking off in a hurry to grab the gear and go.
Steve and Robin were more than happy to see you arriving earlier than expected with your miniature haul. And in your haste to get inside the station, you abandoned your radio in the car—not that Dustin had remembered to contact you at all.
In fact, he was actually having casual conversations with his friends for once that day. It was only during his history class that it dawned on him that he hadn’t done his self imposed duty of checking on you like he’d been doing all semester.
Now, as Steve brings the van to a screeching halt he can’t help feeling a little useless to both Hendersons tonight.
“Byers get out. Go find your girlfriend,” Steve makes a point to maintain eye contact from the rear view mirror. “I’ll find a spot to park this thing.”
Something akin to understanding passes over Jonathan’s face, but he doesn’t say anything before slamming the back door and ducking inside. Silence overtakes the vehicle as Steve maneuvers into a parking spot and shuts off the engine.
Neither boy looks at the other, they both just stare forwards at the large hospital wing in front of them.
Then Dustin gives Steve the biggest shock of the night.
“I’m sorry.”
There is an audible crack of his neck as Steve whips his head around to look at the curly headed boy, “Did you get a concussion or something?”
Dustin rolls his eyes but presses on like he didn’t even hear him, “I was a little harsh.”
Steve nods his head, but says nothing. Dustin lets out a deep breath before continuing.
“I didn’t mean to miss the crawl. Or make you worry,” he looks over at Steve now. “Do you…think she’s mad at me?”
“No! God no,” Steve nervously runs a hand through his hair, debating whether he should put his full emotions on display before just going for it. “She hasn’t been mad this whole time. Anxious maybe. And a little scared, but she just wants you to be okay. As okay as we can be stuck in this town.”
Dustin quietly huffed a laugh, and it feels like Steve just won the lottery.
He presses on, gentler now, “I know you miss Eddie. Hell, I think I might too. But you’ve got to remember that your sister is strong. And a little crazy. I know you don’t want anything to happen, and I can’t promise these things away anymore. All I can tell you is that she loves you more than the whole world. We both do. I will always do everything I can to protect her. Can you trust in that?”
Dustin stares at him for a long moment, but Steve doesn’t flinch from it.
“Yeah,” Dustin answers quietly. “I trust you.”
“Good,” Steve claps him on the shoulder. “I can work with that. Just remember to trust her. Now take those napkins out of your nostrils, it’s making it look worse.”
Dustin fumbles with his makeshift first aid solution before they head into the hospital.
Steve takes the opportunity to lay down the law as they navigate towards the ICU, “Remember, she’s fine. I don’t know what she saw for sure, but she isn’t physically hurt okay?”
“Yeah, got it.”
By the time they finally found the right waiting room, it was just Mike and Lucas.
“Dude what the hell happened to you?” Lucas asks dumbfounded as he takes in Dustin’s injuries.
“Long story, I can explain later. What happened to Nance and Jonathan?”
Mike finally snaps out of his stupor and looks at his friend, “She needed some air.”
Steve doesn’t want to be insensitive about all this but he breezes right past the whereabouts of the eldest Wheeler. Putting a hand out he interjects, “So where is Henderson right now?”
Lucas tenses slightly as if deciding how much he wants to say.
“She…wanted to go see Max. I gave her a minute.”
Dustin hesitates for a moment, shuffling his feet before wrapping his arms around Mike. Lucas turns to Steve with a look of utter astonishment, but Steve just shrugs as Mike finally raises his arms to return the embrace.
He quickly takes the opportunity to slip down the too familiar hallway towards Max’s room. If the guys want to have a heart to heart, he could join in on another day.
As he neared room 415, he could just hear the soft cadence of your voice from the slightly cracked door.
He pauses just outside, arm braced against the door.
“The White Rabbit put on his spectacles,” you murmur before becoming slightly more animated. “‘Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?’ he asked.”
You were reading aloud, much like you have been each time you’ve come to visit Max. Lucas insisted that any talking or music, even if it isn’t Kate Bush, has to do some good. You’d taken that seriously, and now have a small stack of classics in the cupboard next to the stereo.
Steve already feels the tension ease from his shoulders as he quietly listens. And then he feels a presence from behind. He doesn’t need to turn around to know that Dustin caught up to him, but he does it anyway. With a pointed look at the younger boy, Steve shuffles just enough to the right to let him go inside first.
A short gasp from you echoes in the sterile air. Then, “Dusty, what the hell happened?”
Still in the doorway, Steve expects Dustin to launch into a watered down explanation, but instead is met with silence aside from the constant beep of Max’s heart rate.
Steve pushes open the door just to nearly run into Dustin’s smaller frame. Distract. Sooth. Do something, Harrington.
“Hey baby,” Steve says softly stepping around a still frozen Dustin to get to you. You are clutching onto a large book in one hand, the other resting on top of Max’s.
You look up at him for a moment and he can barely stave off the rush of air he takes in at the look of devastation on your face. The blood splattered on your cheek.
In fact you are covered in it, dark red staining the sleeves of your once yellow sweater and set in the knees of your jeans where you had to have been kneeling.
“I’m fine,” you say. But it’s too monotone. Void of the usual lilting sound of your voice. You’re looking at Dustin again realizing just how bad you look, before gently setting down the book next to Max’s too pale arm. “It’s not mine Dust. I was trying to help Mr. Wheeler.”
Jesus Christ, Ted. Steve flashed on awkward yet friendly dinners from long ago. If Ted objected to his relationship with Nancy back then, he didn’t show it. Didn’t show much of anything at all, but he didn’t deserve to practically bleed out.
You set your lips into a firm line before looking between the two boys sporadically, silver lining your eyes. He can see you are trying to hold it together and not freak out your brother even more.
You‘ve never been a crier, always feeling worse than when you’ve started, but Steve can tell you are on the cusp of a breakdown. The last time you looked at him like that was when he’d had to pull Dustin off of Eddie’s body.
Steve stops at the foot of the bed, and turns back to look at Dustin. The boy’s lips are wobbling slightly, but he still hasn’t made a move towards you. Backpedalling, Steve abruptly walks back to him and pulls him into a tight hug.
Dustin lets out a shuddering breath, which only makes Steve squeeze him tighter before whispering, “She’s fine, yeah? Not a scratch on her. She’s just a little upset.”
Dustin violently nods his head, and Steve can feel the damp spot growing on his sweater.
“I ca-I can’t. I need to-,” Dustin starts pulling away, clearly making for a hasty exit.
“Hey hey it’s fine. Just take a minute. Here,” Steve pulls out his wallet, shoving the leather into Dustin’s hand. “Go get something to drink, something for your sister too.”
Dustin doesn’t hesitate, spinning on his heel before disappearing down the hall. Steve sighs as the door shuts, the red glow of the exit sign across the way washing over his face.
He doesn’t get the chance to turn around before you slam into his back, arms wrapping around his middle. He can’t help the small grunt of surprise that escapes him, but manages to keep his balance as his hands naturally search out for the pulse points of your wrists.
“You know, the football team really could have used some of your coaching on their tackle last season,” he attempts to tease. “Maybe they would have actually won a game.”
You let out a wet chuckle, the vibrations radiating across his upper back, “Yeah right.”
Steve takes the opportunity to loosen your hold just enough to spin around, “No, no I’m serious. They could have been state champs with that move.”
The ghost of a smile you carry morphs into something somber as he cups your cheek.
Deflecting is no longer an option, he knows.
“Are you alright? Like, seriously?” Steve whispers.
It was like opening the floodgates. He isn’t even sure if you can see as you cling on to him.
“It was a lot of blood Steve. I don’t even know how he survived the trip to the hospital with those wounds. I was trying to help stop the bleeding,” you pauses for a gasp of air. “And when i put pressure on his chest it just sprayed everywhere. What if I made it worse? And Karen…Nancy is devastated.”
Steve wraps you up tighter, shushing you lightly. Across the room Max lies in her bed, the florescent light casting a blue hue onto her already too-pale face. A flash of the letter she wrote to him, still unopened in his dresser drawer, comes to him.
Closing his eyes, he plants a kiss on the top of your head, “It’s not on you. None of us knew that Vecna would attack the Wheelers.”
You are barely listening, “And Dustin, God! What the hell happened to him tonight. Did he tell you anything? We can’t send him home like that, my mother is going to skin us alive.”
“Okay,” Steve winces, somehow believing that Claudia would in fact haunt him for life if she got a look at her baby tonight.
“I’m going to let him explain that to you, preferably at home. Besides, he is more worried about you anyway.”
Home. He used to hate that place, and now he was all too eager to get you and Dustin back inside. As safe as he can get you—considering that demogorgons are just attacking at random now.
“After finding the Wheelers like that,” you croak out. “I thought that something must have attacked him too.”
Sort of from the looks of it. “I know. He scared me.”
You step back from him then, tears tapering off. Part of him naturally follows your moments, like he always has. But he lets you wipe at your eyes, and then your unruly hair.
But as your fingers snag at the knots, his eyes catch the blood stains on your sleeves again and he can feel himself pale at the sight. He knows it’s not yours. That you are full of life right in front of him.
Regardless, he understands Dustin more than he thought he did as he strides to one of the cabinets lining the far wall. Yanking one door then a second and third, he scans the shelves until he finds a stack of towels.
Turning towards you again, he sees that you’ve already placed Alice in Wonderland back onto the stack and are now fiddling with Max’s blankets.
“Baby, come here,” he calls, hand held out between you.
You smooth out one more nonexistent wrinkle among the sheets before coming to him. Leading you into the attached bathroom Steve flicks on the light as the door clicks shut. He immediately turns the hot water in the sink on, watching carefully for the steam to curl up before sticking part of the towel under the stream.
“We are going to get you all cleaned up and then we are gonna go back to the station, yeah?” he says, still testing the temperature with his fingers. You like it scalding to be perfectly honest.
Your lack of response gains his attention and he looks up into the hanging mirror to find you already looking at your reflection. Panic swells in him as he whips around to fully look at you, your hands shaking as you try to rub off the blood on the side of your neck.
“Hey no. I’m gonna get it off of you okay?” he says quickly.
“I ca- I can’t wear this,” you start yanking off your beloved sweater.
“Okay that’s fine,” Steve sheds his jacket to pull off the sweater underneath, leaving him in his white undershirt. “Just look at me for a second. Don’t look at the mirror.”
Thankfully, you oblige him. He quickly pulls the sweater onto you before guiding you to the counter. You don’t comment when he lifts you up to sit on the granite, hands steady on your hips before grabbing the towel again.
You still don’t talk when he gets the damp portion back to the necessary temperature and brings it up to your cheekbone. So Steve does the talking for you.
“You know, when they finally let us out of this town we are going on that road trip,” his eyes dart to yours for a moment before he continues gently wiping. “I figure by that time Dustin will have picked out a college, or a college will have picked out Dustin, and we can do the grand tour. Embarrass the hell out of him, get matching sweatshirts.”
Your lips wobble in a tiny smile at the thought while he starts working on the other cheek.
“And then you and I are gonna see the sights. I’m talking through the mountains, over rivers—everything. We’ll avoid the bison and get a picture in front of Old Yeller.”
You snort at that, “Steve are you talking about Old Faithful?”
Thank god she laughed, he thinks. “Yeah that. This is why you are the lovely navigator and I am the chauffeur.”
“I love you,” you say quietly. It’s not a confession. You’ve both said it enough times for it to become less of an announcement and more of a reminder.
Steve gives the corner of your mouth a quick kiss before dragging the towel down your neck, “I love you too.”
By the time he’d gotten you cleaned up, you’d exhausted any tears left over. Slipping out of the bathroom, the pair of you find Lucas. Steve tries to convey a look of understanding toward the boy who has taken up vigil next to Max.
“Hey, you okay?” Lucas asks gingerly, clutching onto his paper cup of coffee.
“Yeah. We’ve had better crawls I’d say,” you mutter, clutching onto the ruined knitting of your sweater. Steve isn’t a laundry wizard, but he knows that he’ll probably need to purchase a replacement.
The door bursts open to reveal your brother, looking thankfully less pale than when he’d left, “They were out of Coke on three floors but I finally found one.”
He holds the can out to you, but you pull him in for a hug instead, “Thanks Dust.”
You gingerly take the can from your brother and grab his hand before looking over at Steve.
“We will be back in a few minutes, yeah?”
Steve nods, and watches as you two go before letting out a sigh.
“You two make a good team.”
Steve looks back at Lucas, mildly stunned.
“Max thinks so too,” he continues from his chair. “She kinda bet Mike money that you’d get married before we started college.”
Steve barks out a laugh, “When was this exactly?”
“That summer at Starcourt. You both should have worked at Scoops with how much she was there.”
Steve smiles fondly at the memory. You had been with him a lot that summer. Robin was wary of him at first, but once she found out you were willingly dating him, you all became friends. The truth serum probably helped the bonding process though.
“Henderson keeps me honest, I’ll give you that. And I’ll put in a good word with the boss,” he wiggles his eyebrows. “See if we can win Max that cash.”
Lucas grins before looking back at the redhead, “I miss her, you know?”
Steve presses a hand gently on top of his shoulder, “Yeah. I know.”
-
Time doesn’t feel very linear in the hospital to Steve. Every visit has felt like both 10 minutes and a lifetime have passed. He couldn’t say for sure when you and Dustin returned, or when you all said loving ‘see you later’s’—never goodbye—to Max, or worse yet when the three of you took your leave in the station van.
The Wheelers will be in surgery for a couple more hours at least, and with the way Nancy was breaking down, Steve was more than willing to sweep for the tracker on the way back to the station.
Dustin crawled in to the back, but places a hand on the back of Steve’s seat as he hands over his wallet, which in all honesty, Steve had completely forgotten about.
“Thanks dude,” he says over his shoulder.
Dustin doesn’t reply to that. Instead Steve hears more shuffling before something is tossed into his lap. Looking down in the faint light of the parking lot, Steve squints at what he realizes is a peanut M&Ms package.
“What’s this for?” surprise laces his voice.
“They didn’t have any Boppers left. I got you the next best thing.” Dustin mutters before pulling the headphones over his hat, leaving no room for conversation.
Steve looks over to you, only to find you staring straight ahead with the softest smile he’s seen all day. Shaking his head, he maneuvers out of the lot and down the street.
Instinct has him reaching for your hand, but you are already meeting him halfway, fingers intertwining gently. You squeeze his hand sporadically the whole way home, but he knows all the meaning behind it.
I love you, we are okay, I’m here with you.
-
It was the same pressure on his hand that pulls him out of his thoughts in his darkened hallway now.
“Honey, what are you doing up?” you whisper groggily, hand cold—always colder than his own.
“Making sure he is still breathing under there,” he whispers back. You don’t respond, the silence forcing him to turn and look at the frown on your face. “What?”
You let out a huff meant to be stern but just ends up sounding incredibly sweet to Steve. “You worry too much.”
You pull him back toward your room, and he cranes his neck once more to make sure Dustin doesn’t wake up.
“Okay, no. Tonight was very worrying actually,” he speaks a little louder as you crawl into bed again, silently holding the blankets open for him to follow.
“I know,” you say once he has finally settled in, pulling you into his side. “But you need to sleep. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a mess.”
Right. Hopper and El going MIA. The Wheelers. Holly.
Steve melts into you, nose buried in your hair, sweet with the scent of your shampoo.
“I just feel like if I don’t have you two within sight you’re going to evaporate into thin air,” he says after a moment.
“It’s not all on you,” your breath tickles his neck. “We are dealing with this the best we can. I think Dustin might try a little more though.”
Right. Your heart to heart had revealed as much as he had suspected. Andy and his sidekicks of course.
Steve pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation, “He hates me half the time.”
You press soft kisses against his clenched jaw, trying to relax him, “He loves you like a brother. Fights with you like one too. I think he is just as worried about you as he is about me.”
Steve feels like you threw a bucket of ice water on him, “You think so?”
You give him another peck, “Yes. Don’t let the attitude fool you, love.”
And something unclenches in his chest, at least for tonight. You stare at each other smiling despite everything.
Finally you readjust yourself, getting comfy half on top of him. “Tell me about something good. Something happy.”
You relaxing like this finally makes him relax as he hums in thought. Suddenly he flashed on the revelation in Max’s hospital room, “Well. Apparently the kids have money on the timing of our wedding so…”
You laugh loud, disbelief on your face as you start asking rapid-fire questions.
And it doesn’t matter that he hasn’t asked—doesn’t even have a ring. These brief moments of your joy as the sun begins rising is as good as a yes.
trapped in a coma after nearly dying in the upside down, eddie’s brain replays his best memories. as his body fights to stay alive, he watches past versions of himself fall in love with you, not knowing if he’ll ever have the chance to tell you how he feels now.
word count: 5.4k+
warnings/tags: 18+ mdni, angst with a happy ending i swear, best friends to lovers, near death experience, season 4 fix it fic, brief marijuana use, hospital setting, kissing, hurt/comfort, hardcore mutual pining, eddie is a level 848389292 yearner, no use of y/n, reader has she/her pronouns, all flashbacks/memories are in italics!
author’s note: this was inspired by this request from @highlandhour! i’m so sorry this got away from me. huge thanks to @fru1t4fr0gs for reading over this and assuring me it isn’t hot garbage ily <3
˖⁺｡˚⋆˙✧⋆｡°⋆࿓ ˖⁺｡˚⋆˙✧⋆｡°⋆࿓
At first, Eddie thinks that he’s dead. He’s still not entirely convinced otherwise.
But that wouldn’t make sense. Because what he’s looking at right now looks too much like heaven, and Eddie never saw himself getting into a place like heaven. He thought the closest he’d ever get was you accidentally falling asleep with your head on his shoulder while watching Return of the Jedi in his living room.
There’s got to be some other explanation for the way he’s hovering outside of his own body, watching a past version of himself blush beet fucking red because you complimented his guitar playing.
God, had he really looked that giddy? Had he truly been that obviously down bad for you since the very first interaction? Had you really not ever noticed?
Standing before himself right now, even in this dreamlike haze that makes the whole room a little bit blurry, he can see his feelings for you plain as day on his face.
More importantly, he can see you. Every bit as beautiful as you’ve always been. In hindsight, he should have told you right then and there.
What if he never has the chance now?
He can’t stop himself. He says your name - loudly enough that you should’ve been able to hear him over The Hideout’s rowdy late night crowd.
But his voice sounds muffled. Like he’s trying to speak underwater. You don’t hear him - not him him, anyway. Your attention stays focused on the younger version of him with slightly shorter hair and a few less tattoos.
That’s when he remembers something you’d told him what feels like ages ago. He didn’t put too much stock in it at the time, but now he wonders if it’s true - that after death, a person’s brain can cycle through their best memories.
So maybe this isn’t heaven. But if he is in fact dead, he may as well enjoy this for however long it lasts before you fade away.
Before he fades away.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Eddie blinks and he’s no longer in The Hideout watching his past self blush and stutter his way through his first conversation with you.
When he opens his eyes, he’s in your kitchen. He recognizes the memory instantly.
The first time he ever came to your house - and also his first haircut in years.
“I’ve got a shit load of split ends right now,” Eddie observes, a lock of his dark curls pinched between two fingers. He sighs. “My own fault, I guess. It’s been over a year since I’ve had it trimmed.”
You’re focused on combining various cheeses in a mixing bowl. Yesterday, he’d let it slip that his mom used to make the best lasagna, and that he hasn’t eaten even a single bite of the dish since she passed away over a decade ago. He misses it, but he’s not much of a cook himself and his uncle is rarely home for dinner since he works night shifts.
Your response had been to go buy all of the ingredients for homemade lasagna from the grocery store and invite him over for dinner the very next day. Now he sits on a barstool at your kitchen island, watching you assemble the dish. He’d offered to help, of course, but you had insisted that he “sit there and look pretty”.
“I’ve heard good things about the barber in town,” you muse, cracking an egg into the bowl. “I can’t remember his name. Sam or something.”
“Sal?” He scoffs. “Not a chance. Wayne took me to Sal once - right before school started back. He told him to trim my hair and he gave me a buzz cut. I looked like a damn egg for the first half of third grade. Safe to say that Sal will never get my business again.”
You snort a laugh, your nose crinkling in the way that Eddie has come to adore in such a short amount of time. Adores it so much that he takes every opportunity he gets to make you laugh.
“I’m sure you were a cute little egghead,” you coo. “I’ll have to ask Wayne if he has any pictures.” You’re too focused on layering all of the ingredients in a casserole dish to notice the way it makes him blush.
“You wouldn’t dare,” he feigns indignation. You glance up with a look that very clearly says try me.
“Your uncle loves me. I’m sure if I asked sweetly, he wouldn’t hesitate to dig out any and all childhood photos he has of you.”
Eddie hums. He doesn’t even try to deny it, because you’re right. Wayne does love you. He thinks you’re good for Eddie, and reminds him of it often. If you go even a few days without coming by, Wayne asks where you’ve been.
Eddie tries to assure him that the two of you are just friends, but it doesn’t seem to do much good. Wayne never seems fully convinced.
After sliding the lasagna in the oven and setting a timer, you turn to face him. Your bravado from just moments ago seems to falter, a more hesitant expression taking its place.
“Well, we’ve got a whole hour to kill before the lasagna is ready…” You trail off with a shrug. “If you want, I could trim your hair for you.”
He says yes. Of course he says yes. Even though you’ve never cut another person’s hair before, even though there’s a chance you could completely botch it, he says yes.
If there’s an opportunity for you to touch him in any capacity, he’s going to take it.
It’s not like it could possibly turn out any worse than when Sal practically shaved him bald.
So that’s how he ends up sitting on a stool in front of your bathroom mirror, you behind him with a pair of scissors that definitely aren’t intended for cutting hair and look of concentration that Eddie wishes he could snap a picture of.
You take your time, working in small sections. It takes a while - he has a lot of hair, after all - but he doesn’t mind. He stares at you in the reflection of the vanity mirror the entire time, not really caring if his hair ends up a dozen different lengths, because he gets to sit here and look at you while you dote on him.
“There,” you say with a final snip. You back up a few inches, taking a look at your work. “I think I got all of the dead ends. What do you think? Does it look okay?”
But he’s still too busy looking at you. You look so concerned, like every individual strand of hair has to be perfect or he’ll be disappointed in you.
Fuck, how did he get lucky enough to end up here? How did he play his cards so right? With your fingers gently fluffing his hair and the smell of the lasagna that you’re making specially for him wafting from down the hallway—
The timer goes off in the next room, startling all three of you. You, his past self, and the ghost of him that observes the interaction from the bathroom doorway.
He watches as you brush your hands off against your pants before turning around and walking right through him, back to the kitchen where the timer buzzes incessantly. You, of course, remain completely unaware of his presence - calling back to past Eddie to tidy up and come eat.
He tries to follow you. He can’t stop himself - he catches a whiff of your perfume and his feet act of their own accord, following you down the short hallway towards your kitchen. He hasn’t even taken three steps when the room starts to waver.
He freezes. He knows he’s powerless to stop it. So he chooses to stand still and look at you for as long as he can, until the scene around him glitches like someone’s unplugging the memory one cord at a time.
Then there’s nothing but darkness and the faint hum of machinery from somewhere far out of his reach.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
“Do you think you’ll stay here after graduation?”
The question takes him by surprise. He hasn’t really given it much thought. The last few years of his life have been spent trying to get to graduation, only to disappoint himself yet again each time. He had yet to let himself dwell on what comes after.
“Here?” He repeats, accepting the half-smoked joint that you pass back to him from where you sit in the passenger seat of his van. “Like in Hawkins?” He brings the tail to his lips and inhales.
“Yeah,” you laugh lightly. “Like in Hawkins.”
He holds the smoke in for longer than necessary as he thinks of his answer. When his lungs start to burn, he exhales. “For a while, probably. Not really sure where else I’d go.”
Not really sure I’d want to go anywhere without you, he thinks to himself. He passes the joint back to you. “What makes you ask?”
You shrug. “When I was watching you play tonight, I couldn’t help but picture you…somewhere else. Some big city, where more people have the chance to hear you. People with connections and opportunities. Connections and opportunities that The Hideout probably won’t ever give you.”
He can’t help but freeze and glance over at you. It’s a typical Tuesday night - Corroded Coffin had just wrapped up their weekly gig at The Hideout and, as always, you’d been watching from the corner booth that you always do. The same corner booth that you’d sat in the night he first met you months ago.
“Don’t underestimate The Hideout,” he teases. “I did meet you there, after all.”
“I’m serious,” you hum.
He knows you are. You wouldn’t say something that you don’t mean. Not something like this. Not to him.
You take another slow drag before speaking. “I just…think you deserve to be heard. By more than just the same small crowd of regular drunks every Tuesday night.”
He swallows. Hawkins is all he knows. He tries to picture anything else - some apartment of his own in a city that never sleeps, crowded sidewalks, bright lights. But he can’t. Can’t see himself anywhere that isn’t his trailer, his van, The Hideout, Hawkins. Can’t see himself anywhere you aren’t right next to him.
He’s always been a creature of habit. Since he was fourteen years old, he’s started every morning with a cup of black coffee and a cigarette. He falls asleep each night to one of the same five movies - he’s replayed them so many times that he can’t believe they still work. Every Tuesday night, he plays at The Hideout, and every Friday night is Hellfire Club.
And for the last few months, you’ve been at the very center of it all. Now when he wakes up and drinks his coffee on the front porch step of his trailer every morning, he thinks of you and wonders if you’re awake yet. When he drifts to sleep with Raiders of the Lost Ark playing for the fourth night in a row, he sees you when he closes his eyes. And when he looks out into the crowd of regulars that frequent The Hideout every week, your face is always the one he searches for.
You nudge him lightly with your elbow when he doesn’t respond. He glances up and you’re giving him a soft grin that would bring him to his knees if he weren’t already sitting down. “I’m not saying you have to leave,” you murmur. “I’m just saying don’t sell yourself short, okay? You’re allowed to want more than this place has to offer.”
The words hit him square in the chest. He doesn’t know if anyone has ever believed him that much, let alone so vocally. Definitely not his teachers or his dad. The most supportive person in his life - until you came along - had always been his uncle. But Wayne is a man of few words, and his support comes in the form of not complaining too much about loud music coming from Eddie’s room.
But you think he deserves more. You think he could actually make it as a musician. You believe in him.
He clears his throat, forcing a laugh to break the tension that had settled throughout the confined space of his van. “Well, if I did leave, you’d have to come with me. Who else is going to remind me to eat more than one meal a day?”
You laugh. He can’t help but think he hears a hint of relief. “That goes without saying. You’d slowly wither away without me.”
He doesn’t dare argue with that.
“Fuck!” Eddie curses from the back of his van. He’d watched the entire interaction in silence, drinking in the way that you sounded nervous to broach the subject of leaving Hawkins to him. He hadn’t picked up on the honesty, the emotion, the sheer adoration in your voice at the time, but he hears it now.
“Fuck, you idiot,” Eddie curses to no one but himself. His past self is blissfully unaware of how he watches from the backseat, focused only on you beside him. “Leave Hawkins now! Take her and get the fuck out of this town right now!”
It’s useless. He knows it’s a waste of what very little, very precious time he has left to bask in your presence, but he yells anyway. At the past version of himself sitting in front of him, at the version of himself that didn’t run away from those godforsaken bats, at you, at this entire surreal situation he’s in.
“I’m going to find my way out of here,” he swears to you. “I’m gonna find my way out of this place. I’m gonna find my way back to you, and we’ll get out of Hawkins. We’ll go wherever the hell you want to go. You hear me?”
But he knows that you can’t. You’re already gone again.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Eddie’s about to do the most cliche thing he’s ever done.
He’s giving you a mixtape for your birthday.
Not just any mixtape. A mixtape that he spent hours making last night, just for you. A mixtape with songs that reminds him of you, songs that he doesn’t necessarily like but knows that you do, songs that he loves and wants you to love, too. You name it, it’s on there.
Tucked inside the cassette tape is a piece of paper that lists all of the song titles along with the reasons why he selected each one, written in his borderline illegible chicken scratch that you like to tease him about.
It’s not much. He knows you deserve far more than a homemade mixtape for your birthday, and he wishes he could give you the world. You deserve it for just being his friend and making his days as happy as you do. But he also doubts that anyone else giving you a gift this year put as much thought into your presents as he did, so that gives him a small amount of comfort.
His hands are so sweaty that he nearly drops the tape from his clutches as he walks up your front porch steps. You open the door for him before he has a chance to knock.
How are you somehow even prettier on your birthday than you are the other 364 days of the year?
“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he greets you. The smile that appears on your face is enough to make him nearly melt on the spot.
“You remembered,” you laugh, a lilt of surprise in your voice. You motion for him to come inside.
“Well, duh,” he snorts. “Of course I remembered your birthday. It’s kind of a huge deal.”
You close the door behind him, rolling your eyes. “It’s really not.”
“Disagree,” he says instantly, heart pounding at the prospect of handing you the mixtape still in his hand. “Strongly disagree, actually. The day you were born is very important. And that’s why I come bearing gifts…well, gift. Singular.”
You turn towards him with raised brows, your eyes trailing down and then back up in search of the gift he could be referring to.
He swallows and holds it out to you in offering. “I, uh - here.”
Smooth. Really fucking smooth.
You blink, then gingerly take it from his hand like it’s something fragile. The handwritten label catches your attention first. Your face softens. “You made this?”
He rubs the back of his neck, his eyes suddenly glued to a random speck on your floor. “I mean, yeah. Nothing fancy or anything - just some songs that I know you like. And some that I like that I hope you’ll like, too.” He exhales. “I dunno. It’s not much—”
“Eddie.”
You run your thumb along the edge of the cassette tape. “This is the sweetest gift that anyone’s given me in a very long time. Possibly ever.”
You pull the folded paper out, skimming the first few lines of his messy handwriting. You say his name again, softer this time. “You wrote why you picked each song?”
He clears his throat nervously. “I just…didn’t want you to be confused or anything. It’s a lot of songs.”
You smile at him and he swears it’s like looking at the sun. Before he can register what’s happening, you lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, just a few inches from the corner of his mouth. His entire body goes still.
It’s quick. Warm. And so, so soft. The imprint of your lips linger even after you pull away.
“Thank you,” you whisper, your gaze settling on the tape again like you can’t believe your eyes. “Really. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
He knows he’s staring, but he can’t help it. His hand twitches awkwardly at his side, forming a fist to resist the urge to bring the tips of his fingers to where your lips had touched his cheek.
Before the tension has a chance to suffocate him entirely, he forces an exhale and claps his hands together. “Alright, birthday girl. What’s the plan for today?” He aims to sound casual, but it comes out breathless. “We can do anything you want. The sky’s the limit.”
“Hm,” you hum, tapping your chin in contemplation but it’s just for show - he can tell by the smirk on your face and the twinkle in your eyes that you already know exactly what you want to do today.
“I want to go to the bookstore. And then the arcade. Then tonight, I want to go to the drive-in.”
He grins, not the least bit surprised by your answer. “Like I said - anything you want. I’m all yours today.”
And god, he means it. In more ways than you probably realize. Today and every day.
When the scene around him fades to black, Eddie’s cheek burns with the memory of your kiss.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
When he opens his eyes again, it feels like déjà vu.
This memory is more recent than any of the others.
All of the other memories have had one major thing in common - they’ve all been some of the happiest memories of his life. Because of you.
But if someone asked Eddie to list off all of his happiest memories, this memory wouldn’t make the cut. It probably wouldn’t even make the top thousand happiest memories.
No, it isn’t exactly happy. But it is one of his most recent memories with you. One of the most uncertain and hopeless days of his life, brightened only by you being by his side.
“You don’t have to stay here, you know,” he tells you for the third time in the last hour. “This place sucks. The expired Spaghettios suck. The godawful draft sucks. This scratchy couch sucks. I’m pretty sure there’s a dead animal somewhere in the walls because it smells rancid in here. You should be home. Where you’d be warm, and safe—”
“And where I wouldn’t be able to rest,” you interrupt his rambling. You’re lounging on Reefer Rick’s aforementioned sucky, scratchy couch with your feet resting in Eddie’s lap. You peer at him from over the edge of a random book that you’d found in Rick’s bedroom. Eddie doesn’t think it looks like something you’d normally read, but he supposes you can’t be too picky right now. It’s not like either of you are here for entertainment.
You sigh, closing the book. You sit up, removing your feet from his lap. At first, he hates the sudden loss of physical contact, but then you scoot closer to him, resting your arm on the back of the couch behind his head. “We’ve been over this, Eddie. I’m not going anywhere. If you’re here, I’m here. I’ll go home when you can go home, too.”
“But—”
“But nothing.” He feels your fingers thread through the thick curls at the base of his skull and he shuts his mouth. “If I went home right now, I wouldn’t be able to function. I’d stew in my own anxiety until I’m sick. I wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep without knowing you’re okay. I’d spend every second worrying about you.”
Your fingers move gently through his curls again and his eyes flutter shut.
He hates how much he needs it - your touch. Your comfort. Your presence.
He knows you simply being here puts you in danger. Yet when you run your fingers through his hair like that, he can’t bring himself to continue attempting to convince you to leave.
“Breathe,” you murmur.
For you, he tries. Even though his thoughts are racing with all of the unknowns, all of the ways this could end with you getting hurt because of him. With his eyes still closed, he breathes in, then out, focusing on the way your nails gently graze the skin of his neck.
“Thank you,” he breathes in a shaky voice. “For just…being there for me. Through all of this bullshit.”
You shake your head, shushing him softly. “You would do the same for me.”
And he would. Without a doubt, in a heartbeat, he would. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. He’d face every nightmare that the Upside Down could possibly conjure. He’d run, hide, bleed. He’d sacrifice himself to hundreds of bloodthirsty demo-bats so that you have a chance of getting away.
But most importantly, he’ll fight tooth and nail to hold on. He’ll drift through his memories for what feels like an eternity if it means he’ll eventually wake up for you.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
“Brought you another coffee.”
You glance up from resting your head in your hands at the gruff, familiar voice.
“Oh. Thank you, Wayne.”
He grunts in response, taking a seat in one of the old, worn seats in the corner of the room. You take a sip of the gas station coffee he’d brought you from across the street. Over the last five days, Wayne has learned that you take your coffee with two cream, two sugars. It tastes burnt and a little too bitter, but at least it’s hot.
He looks as tired as you feel. The man has been surviving off of nothing but caffeine, nicotine, and unwavering hope for nearly a week.
At least one of you has been by Eddie’s bedside at any given moment. Oftentimes both, but only Wayne is allowed to stay overnight. Family only - hospital policy.
And there has not been a night that he hasn’t stayed. Every morning, when you arrive as soon as visiting hours allow, you find Wayne in the exact same chair that he’d been in when you’d left twelve hours prior.
For the most part, the two of you sit in silence during the day. It isn’t uncomfortable. Your shared love for Eddie makes it all a little more bearable. When you have to leave, you take comfort in knowing that Wayne is still with him. And Wayne only ever agrees to leave for short periods of time during the day if you’re there to be with Eddie in his temporary absence.
He normally only leaves for long enough to grab another coffee, a vending machine snack, and smoke a cigarette or two. His trailer had been destroyed in what news reports are referring to as an earthquake - so he’s in a motel for the time being, but he only goes to the room for long enough to take a quick shower every other day.
You’ve yet to hear him complain a single time. But as soon as you arrived this morning, you could tell that it’s all starting to get to him - the lack of sleep. The worry and uncertainty. The stress. The depressing and sterile environment of the same four hospital walls, day after day. Today, the dark circles under his eyes and the way he winces when he sits down in his chair are hard for you to ignore.
“You need to sleep, Wayne,” you say delicately. “Not here. In an actual bed. For more than a couple hours. And you need to eat an actual meal that consists of more than just Doritos and beef jerky.”
He looks at you like he wants to argue, but he’s too tired. Instead, he turns his gaze to his nephew in the bed a few feet away from him. “I have a good feeling about today. I gotta be here when he wakes up.”
He’d said the exact same thing yesterday, but you don’t remind him of that.
“I hope you’re right,” you sigh. “But you still need to sleep. I know that chair is killing your back.” You pause. To your surprise, he doesn’t deny it.
“I’ll be here,” you murmur. “I’ll be right here with him. If he wakes up, I’ll make sure he knows that I forced you to go take a nap.”
He continues to stare at Eddie’s sleeping form for a few more moments before he reluctantly nods, and pushes himself out of the creaky chair. He hesitates next to Eddie’s bed, giving his nephew’s hand a tight squeeze before forcing one foot in front of the other.
He pauses beside you before he reaches the door. “Boy’s lucky,” he grunts, not looking you in the eye. “He’s got someone that loves him as much as he loves them.”
The words knock the air from your lungs. A golf ball sized lump forms in your throat. You force yourself to swallow it down. At least until you’re alone.
“Yeah,” you whisper. “I do.”
He leaves without saying another word. When the door behind him clicks shut, you let tears fall freely for the first time in five days.
“You hear that?” You half laugh, half sob. You drag your chair across the linoleum floor, closer to the side of his bed. Then, you take the same hand that Wayne had just held moments prior in your own and bring it to your lips. “I love you, Eddie. I never imagined that this would be the time or place that I’d be telling you that for the first time, but it’s true. I’m in love with you.”
You wipe your nose with the back of your hand, simultaneously relieved that Eddie can’t see you in this state and also wishing more than anything that he’d open his eyes and tease you about being such a snotty, blubbering mess.
“There were so many times that I almost told you. I always bit my tongue out of fear that it would ruin our friendship. And ever since me met, our friendship has always been the most precious thing to me. But I should’ve said it, Eddie. I should’ve told you that I love you. And if you wake up, I promise that I will.”
To no surprise, the only response is the steady, continuous beeping of a monitor that lets you know his heart is beating.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
He’s got someone that loves him as much as he loves them.
Yeah. I do.
You hear that? I love you, Eddie. It’s true.
I’m in love with you.
He chases the words. He sprints after the sound of your voice without knowing where the fuck he’s going.
He just knows you’re close. He can hear you, feel you. His left hand feels like pins and needles and something deep in his gut tells him it’s you. It has to be you. He’d recognize the feeling of your hand holding his anywhere.
I always bit my tongue.
Our friendship has always been the most precious thing to me.
I should’ve said it.
If you wake up, I promise I will.
When his eyes shoot open, the fluorescence nearly blinds him.
“Eddie?”
Your voice. His vision hasn’t come into focus, but he knows you’re here before he sees you. His fingers twitch, the tingling sensation gone because you’re here. Not a memory, not a dream, not a hallucination. You’re really here, holding his hand.
The room around him slowly settles, his eyes briefly darting around until they find the only thing he cares to see right now.
You. Eyes wide and wet with tear-stained cheeks, he would think that he’s seeing an angel if he didn’t know any better.
“Hey,” he rasps, throat so dry that he doesn’t recognize his own voice.
You gasp, a sharp inhale of disbelief. “Eddie,” you whisper again, but this time it’s a sob. You shoot up out of your chair, all but throwing yourself onto the edge of his bed. “You’re awake. Oh my god, you’re awake. I didn’t - I didn’t know if you’d wake up. You scared me so bad, Eddie.”
He wants to wipe your tears but his arms feel heavy and foreign. Tubes trail from the back of his hands and his whole body feels like it’s been taken apart and put back together. The only thing that he knows is working is his heart, because he can feel it swell inside his chest at the way you’re looking at him.
“Sorry for scaring you, sweetheart,” he mutters, voice still scratchy. “I’m here now.”
You sob in relief, leaning over to rest your head against his chest, careful not to brush against the stitches across his abdomen that he’s becoming more aware of by the second.
He nuzzles his face against your hair, inhaling your scent. Neither of you speak for a moment. He somehow gathers up the strength to lift a weak hand to the small of your back.
You’re real. Tangible. And he never wants to let you go again.
“There’s something I’ve gotta tell you,” he whispers.
You pull back enough to look him in the eye. “Me too. There’s something I need to tell you, too—”
“I know,” he stops you. “I know. I heard. I’m in love with you, too.”
You jerk back as if he electrocuted you. “You… heard me?”
He exhales a shaky laugh. “I don’t know how. But I did. I think it… I think it saved me. You saved me.” Tears well in your eyes again and your lips visibly tremble. “And I love you, too. More than anything, baby. I should have told you a long time ago.”
A dozen different emotions flicker across your face. Disbelief, bewilderment, joy. Beneath the tears, a smile forms. The smile that Eddie has fallen in love with.
“C’mere,” he whispers, voice still strained but certain. “Please, sweetheart.”
He doesn’t need to elaborate. Doesn’t need to tell you what he wants. You lean down, bringing your lips to his without a hint of hesitation.
Your hand cups his jaw, your thumb grazing along the scruff of his cheek. He’s sure that his breath is stagnant, but you don’t seem to care. You kiss him - the kind of kiss that he swears could have woken him up days ago, if you’d only pressed your lips to his.
And he lets himself melt into it. A quiet sound escapes him - half sigh, half moan. His fingers tighten at your hip and he has to resist pulling you on top of him entirely, the only thing stopping him being the sharp pains that radiate from his abdomen.
He tastes salt from your tears and the slight tang of coffee, but beneath that, there’s a flavor that’s uniquely you that he knows he’ll never have enough of.
You pull away with a shaky laugh when the beeping of his heart monitor spikes. You rest his forehead against his, both of you breathless. “You’re not allowed to scare me like that again. Promise me.”
“I promise.” He lifts a shaky hand to your face, brushing a stray tear away from your cheek with the backs of his knuckles. “I’m not going anywhere ever again. Not without you.”
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
thank you so much for reading. ily forever if you comment/reblog.
sit next to me (please) [eddie munson x fem!reader]
you've always hated touch, avoided it ardently - until he came along.
warnings: use of she/her pronouns for reader, touch-avoidant reader, lots of yearning, talk of personal boundaries, readers becomes touch-starved for one (1) man, consumption of alcohol and weed, very slow burn.
word count: 11.2k+
a/n: this was originally titled "would that i" and i believe that i wrote it while listening to the hozier song, craving some super soft eddie all those moons ago. sorry that i tried to bury this one in the graveyard, y'all. i self-projected like all hell onto this reader as well lmao
dividers by @saradika-graphics
How one person can be such a walking contradiction, no one knows.
There is a softness to you. It bleeds out of you, endless and endearing to all those around you. The way you’ll converse with friends with shining eyes, the way you close doors with care, the way you treat your favorite novel like a newborn babe. With both all the inanimate and animate objects around you, your touch is ever warm, ever tender. Like the sweep of a thin curtain sheet in a summer's breeze, or plush grass beneath calves in a verdant spring. Your touch is something to experience, and that was where the dichotomy came into play.
Your touch was deeply sought after, and was a rarity all on its own.
You were amongst the softest people in your friend group, and yet, rarely did you find yourself to be particularly physical. Your petal affections were usually restricted to affirmative words and acts of kindness. Your friends knew that if they needed words of encouragement, you should be the first person they ran to. If they needed a hug, however, you were not.
It’s not because you were cruel or against the displays of physicality. You were just awkward with them. You would turn frigid over the brush of another’s skin against your own. You’d tried to change over the years, offering more goodbye hugs, more spontaneous playing with Nancy’s hair or high fives exchanged with Steve when you kicked one of the younger boys’ asses at the arcade. You tried. But it was hard — something had rooted itself in you long ago that continued to choke you and limit just how much you could handle when it came to another’s touch.
When Robin joined the group, she tried to warm you up more to it. Despite warnings from the group, whispers of she doesn’t like that, she’d continued to offer you her friendly physical affections as long as you reassured her it was fine. It worked, to an extent. You would now at least return the hugs received (even if it took you a few moments to do so), and you wouldn’t hold your breath at a friend’s head on your shoulder or lap. It was all baby steps — timid movements in the right direction, an accomplishment of letting your softness flow through your fingertips as you tried to adjust.
Argyle also tried to wear you down. A casual arm around your shoulder in greeting, frequently sitting close enough to you on movie nights that your side would press into his as you both enjoyed the pizza he’d brought. You still froze, still struggled to thaw, but you never shooed him away. You’d only exchange a secret smile with him, a private acknowledgement between you two that you knew what he was trying to do, and it was okay. Maybe it would work. Robin had, after all, made some baby steps. Maybe Argyle could help you take fuller strides. Maybe, just maybe, this could propel you.
The night you drunkenly braided Argyle’s hair had been a memorable success, but it never progressed past that. The roots remained, the timid natured reigned, and so your friend group simply celebrated what little victories they’d earned and moved on.
They’d accepted you may never be a touchy person. And that was fine — all that you lacked in physical touch, you more than made up for in every other avenue in expression of your fondness.
Until Eddie.
The moment he’d joined your circle, Argyle and Robin were already exchanging knowing looks. Eddie was touchy; the boy was practically starved for it. Overexcited hugs as greetings and the way his hand would reach for the nearest shoulder when he was overcome with joy for the small things. He couldn’t sit alone during movie nights, he’d often lounge with his legs stretched out over the nearest laps, he’d jokingly cuddle into people without a second thought.
And even more than that, his touch was wild and burning. Embers never to be contained. He was overwhelming, they all knew this and so did he, and they feared that if he attempted to embark on the same journey that they had that he may scare you away. That all the baby steps in the right direction would become leaps backward, sending you right back to where you started.
They couldn’t have been more wrong.
You’d first noticed that Eddie treated you differently, more restrained, during a movie night. Argyle on one side, a small empty space on the other. You’d witness everyone endure Eddie’s cinematic cuddles on multiple occasions, and amongst your roots had bloomed buds of wistfulness. A strange yearning every time he’d tuck his face into the neck of whichever friend was nearest, jokingly squealing how he needed them to protect him. They saw him as a pest (a lovable one, but still) — and you’d never wanted to be pestered more in your life.
That small space beside you was the last open seat. You thought surely, he’ll sit here. You were optimistic at the likelihood of Eddie sharing your space, of feeling his curls tickle your cheek and neck, at his breath on your shoulder. For the first time in your life, you were painfully giddy at the prospect of someone touching you. When he entered the room with Jonathan, carrying bowls of popcorn and loudly telling everyone to turn on the horror movie chosen for the night, your entire body had buzzed. You would have leapt off that couch and crawled inside his chest right then and there if it wouldn’t have been so startling to not only him, but your entire circle.
He took one look at the empty seat, a pitiful excuse for space, and had paled.
Please sit next to me. Please, please, ple-
“Spread your legs, Harrington,” Eddie had suddenly bursted out, throwing himself on the floor in front of Steve at the opposite end of the couch, “I’m using your knees as collateral from Krueger.”
He chose the floor over sitting at your side. And it ached.
You were unaware of the spiel that Robin and Argyle gave him, the staunch warnings from Nancy, the (sort of) joking threats from Steve and Jonathan. Eddie Munson had been warned off from touching you, was obeying those warnings, and it just left you miserable.
You didn’t get it. You didn’t understand — his choices nor your feelings.
But that night, the burn of Argyle’s arm brushing your shoulder from where it laid along the back of the couch became overwhelming. Until you’d scooted yourself into that space you’d carved out for Eddie, and pouted, like a goddamn child.
Argyle assumed it was just a bad day for touch.
No one realized the yearning blooming within you. You’d never wanted to take a baseball bat to Steve Harrington’s shins more than when you watched Eddie Munson wrap his fingers around them and bury his cheek against them.
The second time, it stung even more.
Months passed and the yearning never faded. You told yourself, over and over, this will pass. This is temporary, and it will pass.
But it didn’t. The more time you spent with Eddie amongst your friend group, the more you craved the same casual touch from him that he extended to everyone else. He wouldn’t even brush past you in enclosed spaces — he treated you like a traumatized dog, bound to snap and bite him if he made the wrong move.
You fucking hated it. You hated that you hated it.
You’d gone years without needing touch, so you cursed that unexpected sting in your chest that night at the bowling alley. When Eddie rolled his first strike (and reported it was his first ever), he’d hugged everyone.
Everyone but you.
When it came to what should have been your turn for a bear hug, your mind was buzzing with adrenaline. This was it. You pictured him wrapping his tattooed arms around your chest, lifting you at least a little bit, swinging you a little due to the force of his affection. You were convinced his high off of the strike was going to make him forget his mission to never touch you. Maybe he’d be embarrassed after. Maybe you could finally offer a small smile that said it’s okay, I’m okay with it.
He only stopped dead in his tracks, arms freezing for a second before they dropped, his lips pressing tightly together before he let them spread back into a smile, and only lifted his brows at you excitedly.
That’s it. That’s all.
Fuck.
“That was pretty metal, Eddie,” you tried to egg him on, bouncing on the soles of your shoes a little, practically begging him with your eyes to just hug you.
He’d been bashful, grinning and hiding his face behind a random curl, nodding, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess it was.”
If you’d known of the talks behind your back then that had ruined that moment, you would have wrecked absolute havoc on your friends. The need, the yearning, the want became impossible to handle. You used his strike as an excuse for him to cover your turn, saying he was on a roll right after exclaiming that if you didn’t go to the bathroom right that second, you’d piss yourself.
When you were alone in the stall, you’d silently screamed and tugged at the roots of your hair.
You wanted him to touch you. You wanted him to catch you off guard in larger than life hugs. You wanted to feel every emotion that thrummed beneath his skin and you wanted to breathe in his cologne, to finally know how sturdy his chest felt beneath his shirt and if his rings really were as cold as Nancy always complained.
You’d finally returned to the group, not able to have a full breakdown in the bathroom without worrying your friends with your absence. Subtly, you’d tried to tuck yourself into Robin’s side when you returned, sitting down a bit closer than you normally would have, just to fill the void. It was almost as if you were encouraging her to reach an arm around you, to let you curl up and press a cheek to her collarbone. Try to alleviate the need for human touch clawing its way through you.
“You okay, babe?” she questioned suspiciously when she felt you squished entirely up against her. There was plenty of space on the bench, there was no reason for your proximity.
No, you wanted to scream, I’m not okay. There is an itch beneath my skin right now that can only be scratched by the affectionate touches of the metalhead sitting across from us who’s joking with our friends, completely unaffected and unaware. He won’t even look me in the eye. And so now I’m trying to get you to just touch me, to just put a goddamn arm around me, to do anything to fill the gaping hole inside of me. But you can’t.
It was an unfair situation to every single party and bystander involved.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you lied.
You can’t, because the only person who can fill this gaping void inside of me is Eddie.
You were the farthest from fine. You were in flames. And no one would understand it, least of all you, because this wasn’t like you.
You didn’t crave touch. You didn’t need it to survive. So, what the hell was this that you were feeling?
The craving for Eddie’s touch evolved into something more, and that’s when you knew that you were surely in trouble.
Audible denial only worked for so long. Festering, longing, and yearning could only be withheld for so long until suddenly, with your mind on fire and your bones aching to the core, you realized that it was more than wanting Eddie to reach out for you. The want became a two way street. More often than not, you find your hands to be fists at your side, shaking with the effort to not bridge the gap.
After a year of friendship, he had had no choice but to occasionally brush past you. Touches that must have been fleeting to him, but lingered for you. They’d settle into your skin, tender like a fresh bruise, ghosting over you at night when you couldn’t sleep. It was more than just touch, at this point. You wanted everything from Eddie. The denial of his touch had led to you missing out on more than just hugs and movie night cuddles — Eddie didn’t joke with you as much as he did the others, didn’t always turn to you in crowded rooms for comfort, wouldn’t call you up if he was up late and bored like he would Nancy, Steve, Robin, Argyle, fucking everyone in Hawkins except you. The distance was unbearable.
Because you did. You did look for him at every quaint hang out. You did seek him out in every room you entered and you did resist the urge to call him when sleep evaded you. You could imagine his voice over the line, a lullaby over the receiver as he’d ramble about his day. It was like a poison, infecting those roots you’d long since made friends with rather than try to dig up.
You were fucked. Plain and simple. You had a big, fat crush on Eddie, and for once in your life, you’d learned of the panging hunger to be touched.
“Does Eddie have a girlfriend?” you asked as you sat with Robin at a diner, having completely zoned out with the conversation between her and Steve, lost in your daydreams, “Or boyfriend? Just- Is he single?”
Both of your friends went dead silent, staring at you in awe.
Robin cleared her throat, but remained choked up until Steve spoke, “Uh, yeah. He’s single. Why?”
The way your eyes darted down to the table of the booth you three occupy gave it away.
Robin suddenly squealed, “Oh my gosh! You have a crush on him!”
“Do not!”
“Oh, you so do!” she grinned wildly, leaning in close, “Tell us everything — now.”
“Eddie?” Steve’s nose scrunched up, “Really?”
“I don’t have a crush on him!” you uselessly defended yourself, “I just- Look, no, I know that look. You can’t tell him or meddle, Robin.”
“How would I tell him or meddle if you don’t have a crush on him?”
Steve was still confused, and Robin’s eyes glittered with mischief. You would have been better off keeping your mouth shut.
You noticed the way Steve had gone silent, pointedly sipping on his coke rather than looking you in the eyes. As if he had something to say.
“What is it?” you asked him, furrowing your brows, already defensive. A stark contrast to the light-heartedness you usually treat your friends with, “You’ve got something to say. Say it.”
“I just…” Steve sighed, looking off into the distance, “I don’t know. It’s a weird pairing, y’know?”
Your stomach threatened to sink. “What does that mean?”
“You two are just… different,” he continued on, and your stomach really did sink. Right along with your heart, “I mean, he’s really big on physical touch — it’s definitely his love language. And you…”
You don’t like being touched. You actually hate it. Avoid it ardently.
The unspoken ending to that sentence could have shattered your bones that day. You knew. You knew.
You stayed silent, unsure of what else to say. You couldn’t find the words to explain the yearning that invaded your chest all those moons ago, you couldn’t physically bring their hands to your chest and force them to feel the hunger that had begun to eat you alive. You couldn’t scream at your friends, I can change! I can change! I can change!
“I think they’d make a cute couple,” Robin finally broke the tense silence. Steve looked a bit regretful, but you both knew he was right, “Besides, touching is overrated.”
To emphasize her point, she scooted away from Steve until she sat on the very edge of the vinyl seat they shared, a narrow air of separation between them.
You smiled and laughed, and so did Steve, but the fact of the matter still remained.
Your roots have been there since the beginning of time. And maybe, they ran so deeply that you were a fool for thinking you could ever excavate them.
“I need your help.”
Robin looks up at you shocked. You’d never looked quite so determined, so one-track minded as you did in this moment, right in Steve Harrington’s kitchen.
“You need my help?” she nearly yells, fumbling with the empty bowl she was about to fill with chips, “Are you sure you need my-“
“Positive,” you cut her off, “I need your help because you didn’t laugh in my face when I said I liked Eddie.”
Her shock fades, an awful trace of pity in her eyes as she looks at you, “Oh, hon — Steve wasn’t laughing at you. He’s just a dingus, y’know? Doesn’t always think before he speaks, but he has the best of intentions-“
You wave a hand, physically dispersing her words into the air. That conversation at the diner last week didn’t phase you anymore. In fact, it fuels you the more you think about it.
“I know, I know,” you reassure her, walking closer so you can lower your voice, “But he was right. And I’ve been thinking a lot about it.”
“That sounds dangerous. Whatcha’ been thinkin’ about?”
This is it. Now or never. Once you say it outloud, even to just Robin, it was cemented in fact.
“It’s not that I don’t like being touched,” you blurt out, heart racing at the admission, “I just… I don’t know. I’m not used to it. It wasn’t something normal growing up. And… okay, no, this is not meant to be a depressing deep dive into my childhood,” you pause and scowl at the way her face contorts with even more pity, “I’m fine. There’s nothing to be done to change what’s already passed. My point is, I don’t want to stay this way. I don’t want people treating me delicately. I’m tired of you guys not feeling like you can just- fuck, I don’t know, hug me. Like you can throw an arm around me while we joke around like you do Jonathan. Like you can’t take the seat beside me at the booth instead of Steve. Like you can’t be clingy and beg me to play with your hair like you do Argyle when everyone’s smoking.”
Throughout your speech, the pity transforms. With each word, you only grow more passionate, because it dawns on you just how much you miss out on. Your friends love you, you love them — that’s not up for debate. But sometimes, you see those small touches between them, and you feel like an outsider looking in.
“I know I freeze up and I know I get awkward,” your voice finally chokes up, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut to silently curse yourself for finally letting all these larger than life emotions wrap around you, “I know you guys think I’m better off if you leave it be. But I’m not. I’ll never get over it if you guys don’t push me. I’ll never get used to it if no one ever touches me.”
“We know!” Robin starts enthusiastically, reassuredly, “We know that! And me and Gyle really do try, but we just don’t want to make you uncomfortable-“
“Do it,” you stop her in her tracks, eyes not wavering from hers, “Make me uncomfortable. Put your head on my shoulder, even if it makes my breathing stop for a couple seconds. Grab my hand when we cross a street, even if my palm’s clammy. I can’t grow without a little discomfort, Robs.”
There’s a standstill in the air. A realization settles deep in your bones — growth. That’s what you were craving. Eddie had opened up something entirely new for you, cracked open an age old wound in your chest you’d been unaware of. It left behind a hole, and you’d been so preoccupied with yearning to fill it, you hadn’t seen that the solution was the most obvious one: you had to outgrow the hole. Not fill it with others, but with yourself. You couldn’t live forever as nothing more than roots, buried deep beneath soil and always hiding in their solitude. Eventually, you had to bloom.
“Okay,” Robin nods slowly, taking in your words and the deep breaths that are following. It’s obvious how much this means to you, how much it’s been bothering you, “You’re right. But… you’ve just gotta promise us, if we get overbearing, that you tell us-“
“Not just you and Argyle,” your mouth goes dry. Because this is where the road was leading the entire time, this was the end destination in mind for the entire drive of this conversation, “I want… everyone to do it. I know Nance, Jon, and Steve aren’t as big on the whole touchy thing as you and him but…” your voice finally breaks, and you can’t look her in the eyes now as you whisper, “Eddie is.”
There’s a light behind Robin’s eyes that you’ve never seen before, but you can’t even bear witness to it, eyes zeroed in on the shiny packaging of the chips on the counter, “So this really is about Eddie?”
You could keep denying it. Pretend like the boy hadn’t watered the first sprout that caused this entire revelation, like he hadn’t been the first to shine a light on all the things you’d ignored for years. But he was. He had built a fire inside of you without even realizing it, just by tending his own embers.
You take a deep breath, “It’s like it burns him to touch me. Even just shuffling past me. I don’t think he’s ever sat beside me when we all hang out. I don’t… I don’t even know what he really smells like, Rob. Besides the weed and cigarettes when he smokes with you guys. How fucked is that? I’ve known him for a year and I couldn’t even tell you what kind of cologne he wears. Isn’t that… that’s weird, right?”
“You know the things that matter, though, don’t you?”
It hadn’t occurred to you, that perspective on the matter. “I… guess?”
“Tell me about him. Tell me about Eddie.”
The others will be worrying about how long you two are taking in here soon. Eddie will probably be arriving with Argyle soon. But Robin waits patiently until your eyes finally find hers again, and she lifts her brows, encouraging you to tell her about your mutual friend as if she’s never met him.
And so you do.
Once you start rattling off the minute things you noticed, they pour out of you, watering away at that once withered crush. You tell her about his favorite music, an easy thing to know about Eddie when he’s so loud and passionate about it. You tell her the first song he ever learned on guitar, Little Things by Willie Nelson. It had been encouraged by how much his Uncle Wayne enjoyed the singer. And he’d learned it on a worn acoustic guitar from his uncle. He’d never even performed it in front of the man, always either too choked up or too embarrassed for an audience. You tell her how his favorite subject in school was history, because it always gave him ideas for his DnD campaigns. His favorite color is red, deep and pulsing and eye-catching. The same shade of his electric guitar, lovingly nicknamed Sweetheart, but actually named Elvira. He’s a picky eater, probably the pickiest of your group, and yet also will eat just about anything the moment you propose it as a dare. He knows what he should do to take care of his curls, he just doesn’t, probably due to preferring to take his showers at night. He’s complained of falling asleep with wet hair more times than you can count. He had a lisp as a little kid. He buys a new mug for Wayne every Christmas, and the man acts surprised every year, as if he never saw it coming. He likes sour candy best. He hates movies where the dog dies. He loves musicals, and he would sooner die than admit that to the rest of the group.
All devilish details that Eddie had revealed to you at some point or another, over drinks and over quick cigarettes. Over random bursts of trust and rare moments alone.
By the time you’re done with your rant, Robin is just smiling.
“God, you really like him,” she murmurs, looking across your forlorn face, as if each piece of him that you’d handed over willingly had actually been forcibly torn from you. As if it hurt to share him.
You take another deep breath, and you can breathe a little bit easier, but you still feel the wisps of your roots still dug stubbornly into surrounding ground, “Yeah. I really like him.”
A plan is devised. It turns out Robin was the perfect person to approach about this, because she has no shame — she’s willing to seem like a ‘bad friend’ for the sake of helping you reach your goal.
The first step is to guarantee that no matter what, Eddie sits next to you during the movie.
The best way to accomplish this is to not make it a seat only beside you as you had that first time he’d rejected you, but between you and another person. Because then, if Eddie was still adamant on not indulging you, he’d have someone else to cling to. For now.
The second step would be for you to leave for the bathroom right before you all started the movie. Leave the room, leave all your friends to be gathered without you so that Robin could make an executive call with them all. She would bring up the fact that they all should try to push you a bit more with the entire notion of physical touch, that it’d be good for you, that you’d brought it up casually rather than as dramatically as you really had.
During her explaining of this part of the plan, you discovered the conversations already had behind closed doors about this topic and you.
You couldn’t even blame your friends. You were irritated, but it would pass. They couldn’t change it now, but Robin could help undo what those seemingly beneficial conversations had done. The distance it had created between you and Eddie.
“Who should be on the other side of Eddie?” you ask once you two have your plan and full bowls of snacks.
“Me,” Robin declares, “I have a plan there, too. We’ll sit side by side at first, take up enough space on the couch so that Eddie thinks he doesn’t have a seat. Just trust me and play along when the time comes, yeah?”
You nod.
There’s a knock at the door, perfect timing as you and Robin sat down the bowls of snacks on the table, ignoring Steve’s expected complaint of how long you two took. He runs off, going to let Eddie and Argyle in, as Robin takes her seat on the couch.
Nancy and Jonathan are curled up on the loveseat. Steve had been sitting at the end of the couch that normally could easily seat four. Argyle’s favorite recliner was wide open, and you both knew he’d be jumping into it once he came to the basement. Everything was set perfectly.
Robin manspreads, an entertaining sight but one that forces you to try and do the same, lounging across the remaining space of the couch as casually as possible to make it seem as though another person could absolutely not fit.
You pray to God her plan works.
“Hello, brochachos!” Argyle yells as a greeting when he bounds down the stairs, immediately tossing a box of snow caps in Nancy and Jonathan’s directions before doing exactly as you and Robin had predicted, “Oh, fuck yeah! You guys saved my favorite chair for me!”
He specifically winks your way, as if you had been the one to do so. And you had, technically, but you appreciated that small effort to greet you specifically.
You smile at him, shaking your head lightly as he throws himself down roughly. You can only imagine how on board he’ll be with Robin’s suggestion.
Argyle’s energy had you wondering if the boys had even smoked as they usually did before arriving, his eyes hardly pink rimmed and his smile not quite as dopey as usual. It became clear that they had smoked, but one of them had likely babysat their shared joints, when Eddie descends into the doorway behind Steve.
He’s all half-lidded eyes, lazy grin, comfort wrapped up in a worn band shirt and sweats.
Yes, you wanted to break this stubborn boundary of yours with all your friends, but as you earned your first glance from Eddie, you knew that he would be the greatest reward. You don’t even care if the crush aspect of the entire ordeal never comes to fruition; you’d just like to imagine burying your face into his warm chest like you are now, and not feel weird about it. Not worry if he’ll push you away or be uncomfortable, or taken off guard, by it.
“Hey, losers,” he greets in a rough voice, no doubt gravelly from how much he might have smoked.
You share a quick look with Robin, worried. High Eddie was always extra affectionate, but wouldn’t it be wrong to use that against him? Maybe you two should try another night, postpone the plan for another movie nigh-
You hadn’t even noticed that Steve had taken his original seat back and Eddie was glancing around the seating arrangement, seemingly lost, until Robin was suddenly shoving at you, “Babe, I love you, but scooch. C’mere, Eds. I’m in a cuddly mood.”
And oh, that hurt. Which is why you suppose she didn’t tell you what exactly this part of the plan was. That hurt needed to break through your face, even if only for a moment, so that when you left the room, it made sense to discuss.
Argyle catches that micro-expression the moment it graces your features. Even furrows his brows in response. Eddie even opens his mouth to argue, but you move too quickly for anyone else to comment.
You fumble with pulling up your body, scooting over as she requested until there was an Eddie-sized space left between the two of you. When Robin opens her arms wide, Eddie has no room to argue.
“Well, if you insist, Buckley,” he teases, stepping carefully, hesitating for a second as he glances back down at you. Even through pink tinged eyes, you catch a flash of concern. “I’m always down for some cuddles with my favorite girl.”
And that also stings, reverberates like a slap to the face that had landed just a little too harshly.
Robin scoffs, muttering a stern correction of, “Platonic cuddles, dipshit,” just as Nancy also laughs from where she’s tangled with Jonathan.
“Didn’t you say I was your favorite when I bought you a coke last week?”
He probably did. He constantly made those jokes with Robin and Nancy. He never made those jokes with you.
Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t about respecting boundaries for Eddie. Maybe he just didn’t like you-
“You both wound me,” he sighs out as his body lands directly in that space you and Robin had organized, clearly favoring being close to Robin so that his thigh wouldn’t rub against yours, “I’ve officially changed my mind.”
It almost happens in slow motion. Slowly, carefully, he lazily turns his head towards you, lips half lilted as his eyes sparkle in your direction, tongue darting out between his teeth before he drawls, “You’re my favorite, now.”
For the first time in a year, you’re very clearly smelling his cologne, and the look in his eyes is setting you ablaze. The softness you are so used to bargaining out is being returned, an expression so delicate being aimed at you that you don’t know what to do with it. Senses overwhelmed with something woodsy, something musky, and something yearning.
“How charming,” Nancy muses, leveling you with a soft and amused look. Not nearly as gooey as the look Eddie had given you, but still adoring, “Don’t listen to him. Clearly, he says that to everyone.”
“Yeah, but I mean it this time,” he argues.
“Sure, you do,” Steve laughs from his end of the couch, “She’s not gonna go grab you a soda just because you’re kissing ass.”
“Hey, you know what?” Argyle sits up in his chair, leaning towards you and pointing his finger in your direction, “You really are my favorite, and I’m a man of my word.”
“I’m not getting you a soda, either, Gyle,” you flatly joke, narrowing your eyes.
He pours briefly, but shrugs, “Fair enough. I meant it, but fair enough.”
On a limb, you stretch out a hand, and deliver a gentle smack at his hand still hanging limply in the air between you two. Robin is watching on proudly as Argyle looks taken back.
“Shut up,” you giggle, shimmying in your seat to get more comfortable.
Eddie looks wildly around the room, completely stunned, wearing a look of betrayal, “What, you guys don’t believe me? She really is my favorite!”
Lord only knows you were melting into the cushion of that couch. You weren’t used to this amount of attention, certainly not from Eddie, and certainly not so clearly in front of your friends.
If you could hardly handle his words of affection, how would you handle his touches of affection?
“I believe you,” you finally say. Something in your mind screams at you, tells you now is your chance. All you’d have to do is shift your knee, and you could bump it to his in a joking manner. The perfect excuse. The perfect guise. You stare at your two knees for an eternity, though, and before you know it, the moment has passed.
The ache echoes out across the hollow of every bone inside your body as he smiles, satisfied with your response before everyone moves forward with conversation.
You hate yourself. You should have bumped your knee to his.
You don’t hear a single word exchanged amongst your friends. All you can hear is the roar in your ears that scorns you for another missed opportunity.
Now is as good as ever to enact the second phase of the plan.
“I’m gonna head to the bathroom before we start the movie,” you announce, standing a bit suddenly but trying to keep your voice even so it doesn’t seem to Eddie that his words had made you uncomfortable. They didn’t. They’d only fed that hunger, making you suddenly need more. It was your own stupid indecisiveness, what you didn’t do, that was upsetting you.
Robin looks up knowingly, “Sounds good. Don’t miss me too much, babe.”
Babe. Another thing your friends sometimes didn’t include you in — all the pet names, all the terms of endearment. It makes you smile.
If anyone thought you might be rushing out due to the entire conversation that had just taken place, that smile would erase all their fears.
“I always miss you, baby,” you cockily reply, making a joking kissy face in her direction to seal the flirtatious manner of the interaction.
Steve looks pleasantly surprised, Argyle is clearly mentally cheering you on, and Nancy looks plainly proud.
But Eddie is looking up at you, doe eyes almost… sad.
You try not to think of it too hard.
You try to take your time once you reach the top of the stairs, rushing up but slowing as you walk to the bathroom.
You didn’t really need it, obviously, and you highly doubt anyone will be listening in on your footsteps above once Robin proposes the entire debate of it treating you so fragile anymore. In the middle of the hallway, your mind is made up. Instead of continuing on to that bathroom, instead of hiding away and feeding into the panic attack currently brewing despite your full faith in Robin, you retract to the kitchen.
This is what you wanted. You want more than to just offer soft words and soft motivation, you want more than to be seen as the friend with a heart of gold, as the pedestal Argyle constantly puts you up on so eloquently. You want to be felt as it, too.
To give Nancy well-deserved hugs when another one of her publications receive recognition, to give Steve’s hand a firm squeeze when he’s confiding in you about his home situation and the loneliness that follows. You want Robin to hide her face in your shoulder for safety during jumpscares and you want to occupy that recliner with Argyle when you both decide to succumb to snacking while your friends endlessly debate where you should all have dinner, making whispers of commentary jokes before Jonathan would decide to sit on the arm and join you two in the audience as he gave up the battle for Nancy’s sake.
You want Eddie to touch you. You don’t even care how at this point. You want brushing shoulders and knocking knees, you want knuckles bumping into each other on the street and you want him to cling to you when it gets late and he’s tired, but not too tired to keep himself surrounded with his favorite people. You want to truly be his favorite. Favorite person, favorite hug, favorite conversation.
God, you want it so bad that your seams nearly burst. Your composure nearly breaks.
What if he doesn’t want that?
The moment your footsteps on the stairs have vanished, Robin springs into action.
“Okay, group meeting,” she says, clapping to garner everyone’s attention. Eddie jumps slightly at her side, Steve offers her a side-eye, and Nancy shifts her entire body in Jonathan’s arms to look at her fully, “We need to talk about her.”
She doesn’t even have to say your name.
Unfortunately, Argyle takes it the wrong way, nearly leaping out of his chair, “Her? Nah, dude, we need to talk about you. Why would you shove her around like that? I bet if you had just asked politely, she would have cuddled yo-“
“Oh, I know she would have.”
Everyone’s attention is now sharper on Robin.
“Yeah? Then why did you just toss her to the side for Ed-“ Argyle starts up again, and once more, Robin is quick to interject.
“Because she needs the push,” a slight lie, but small enough in the grand scheme of things, “We’ve gotta stop treating her like she’ll shatter if we touch her.”
Nancy finally moves to full sit up, face full of concern, “Robin, I get what you’re saying, but she’s never been the touchy type. And that’s okay. We’ve never minded.”
“What if she minds?” Robin persists. She hasn’t failed to notice Eddie’s silence, and turns to him, focusing her attack and determination, “Have you ever even sat beside her before tonight?”
Eddie’s eyes widen, “You guys told me to take it easy at first! And I did, but I- it would just be weird now to change, wouldn’t it?”
It’s in the way he says it. Not just as if he’s keeping your best interests in mind, but as if it pains him to say it. As if the worst possible thing would be to admit that things should stay the same.
It’s Robin’s in. A falter in his cool guy exterior he only seems to care about maintaining for you.
“She wants it to change,” Robin quietly confesses. Another half-truth, “Me and Argyle never fully got through to it, but we also… we just gave up on it. Like he was saying, if I pushed tonight, she would have said yes. But Eddie has never pushed her.”
“Where are you going with this, Robs?” the one person who could blow this speaks up. Steve, the man who had been there at the diner and heard your practical confession to liking Eddie.
Don’t blow this, Dingus.
“I think we take the leash off of wolf boy, here,” she jabs a thumb in Eddie’s direction, “Lay him on her.”
“I don’t want to make her uncomf-“
“You won’t. And if you do,” Robin remembers your speech from earlier. Those wet eyes and the way your voice cracked at the prospect of growth, “It’ll be good for her.”
He’s not convinced.
So Robin pushes, because she made a promise to you to aid in this self-gardening journey, and damn it she was going to keep her promise, “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You being the dog in this metaphor might be the wrong choice, considering how she looks like a kicked puppy every time you don’t sit next to her.”
A bit harsh, but the truth. You were always brimming with such hope when Eddie entered the room, only to wilt when he kept up the same exhausting routine of avoiding you.
“She does?” he’s clueless, a goddamn blinded fool, “I- Gyle, does she really?”
Eddie looks to his friend for backup, but Argyle only shrugs from his seat, “If you don’t give the poor dudette a hug tonight, I am. If Birdie here is being honest, and she wants it, then I’m first in line. She’s way gentler on my scalp than all of you.”
“You just want your hair braided by her again,” Jonathan pipes up finally.
“So?” Argyle defends, “That shit stayed. My little skittish friend does not come to play when it has to do with hair.”
They all fall silent, holding their breaths and listening for a moment if you’re heading back down to them.
The house is a ghost town from above.
“I’m just saying,” Robin finally whispers, keeping her tone low and gentle, almost defeated, “We can’t put her in a box. She told me she’d like the change, so I’m changing. She’s a big girl. She can handle it. Besides, she smells really good.”
Robin gives Eddie a pointed look at that, and sees the pink that rushes over the bridge of his nose and up his neck.
You had no idea. No fucking idea. But she did. She’d watched Eddie withhold himself, she’d caught the longing glances, and she’d listened to his endless rambles about you.
“Okay,” is his quiet reply just before your footsteps sound on the stairs.
When you appear in the doorway, you’re holding three cans of coke.
“I bring gifts for taking so long,” you offer, holding up one of the cans as you cradle the other two in the ditch of your arm, extending it to Argyle as you pass by him.
He takes it greedily, appreciation loud and unfiltered, “Thank you dudette! At least someone here loves me.”
You turn your eyes wide as moons, almost comical, fighting back a smile, “Oh? Were they being jerks while I was gone?”
“You have no clue.”
A warning glare comes from Robin.
Even if you were in on the plan, it was dangerous territory.
When you approach the couch, Robin sees the first sign of the plan working when Eddie doesn’t shift out of the comfortable position he’d sunk into. He isn’t jumping to leave an entire cavern for you. He’s leaving just enough space for you, enough that when you sit, you’re closer to him than you were before the bathroom.
Baby steps. Silently, she is screaming at him to keep it up, all while your brain bursts into flames.
He didn’t flinch away. He didn’t shift to be further from me.
Whatever Robin had said was working.
“Movie time?” you ask as you settle into that comfortable space, the unfamiliar yet indulgent warmth of Eddie’s body heat now wrapping around you.
Your roots stretch, apprehensive, but desperate for that sunlight.
It’s one of your group’s usual scary movies. You enjoyed horror, and could handle your own pretty well. If you ever got too scared, you’d usually cling to pillows or blankets that you were left with rather than another person as the rest of the group would. But there were no pillows, no blankets, no security cushions aside from the boy sitting between you and Robin.
When you hand him his coke, his fingers brush yours, and you don’t pull back immediately. Baby steps.
When the first tense moment appears on screen, Eddie mutters a soft “shit” and jumps a little, leaning more into your space rather than Robin’s, lifting some of his curls to curtain his eyes.
You glance at him rather than the screen, narrowing your eyes in the dark, “Does that really work?”
Eddie looks at you quickly at your whisper. Normally, everyone scolded him to be quiet during movies, never entertaining his small comments.
You weren’t the only one taking baby steps tonight.
Tentatively, he drops the curl blocking his vision, before grabbing a thicker one, boyish grin as he offers it to you shyly, “Wanna find out?”
“She’s here!” Argyle shouts as he opens the front door to you, hardly giving you warning before he’s leaping forward and gathering you into his arms, nearly crushing you into a hug.
Warmth. Tender. Softness.
Argyle’s hugs are always bone-crushing, and always welcome. And they always linger as he leaves his arm around your shoulder to guide you into the foyer and shut the door behind you two.
“She is?” another voice shouts as she comes barreling out into the entryway, greeting you with an excited squeal as she rushes forward to pull you out of Argyle’s arm.
Robin.
She’s dressed up for the night — an impressively well put together Robin outfit, complete with yellow spanx and a black mask across her eyes.
“Jesus, Robs,” you laugh as she tightens her arms around you, almost as if she was trying to crush any bones that survived Argyle, “I can’t breathe.”
“Don’t care,” she mumbles into your shoulder before pulling back, “Nice costume.”
A bat onesie. Cheesy, but comfortable, and warm enough to battle against Hawkin’s autumn chill. It’s even complete with a headband that has two small, perky ears attached to it, peeking out between tufts of your hair atop the crown of your head.
“Thanks. Wait till you see the killer fake teeth I packed.”
“Eds will be pissed if your fangs are better than his,” Argyle notes as he starts to walk into the living room. You follow, Robin close behind, to find the rest of your friends all waiting.
A scary movie is already on the TV, a classic slasher revealed by the high pitched scream that rings out into the room from it. There’s a few indoor decorations about — plastic jack-o-laterns and fake webs that will no doubt give Steve hell when he tries to take them back down — and you can see a punch bowl on the counter by where Nancy and Jonathan reside.
And the man of the hour is lounging on the couch, a high mountain of pile already in front of him on the table as he munches on a family pack of candy corn.
“Eddie, isn’t the candy supposed to be for trick or treaters?” you question teasingly as you make a beeline for him. His previous focus on the movie vanishes, full attention now on you.
He’s dressed like a vampire. If the cape didn’t give it away, that small blood line marked from his lower lip in a shade of lipstick you would guess he borrowed from Nancy does.
“I am a trick or treater, sweetheart,” he retorts, popping more candy into his mouth for emphasis, “Besides, Harrington has full-sized candy bars.”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
He snaps his jaw closed jokingly, the clicking of his teeth making you huff out a laugh as you collapse next to him.
That woodsy cologne is there, one you’re so happily familiar with these days.
Unlike Argyle and Robin, he doesn’t greet you with an overwhelming hug, or palpable excitement. His way of greeting is more subtle. His arm slowly lifts, going to rest on the back of the couch behind you, but quickly falling to your shoulders when you waste no time scooting closer into the space he’s opened up in his side.
You fit kind of perfectly. Like a void always meant to be filled.
“So, Dracula,” you hum, warning your beating heart to slow from its racing when his palm cradles your shoulder farthest from him, “What are we watching?”
Baby steps were a thing of the past for most of the group. They had become great leaps of faith after that fateful movie night. The way Argyle and Robin had crushed you was normal now. Passing touches and flirtatious jokes were regular between you and your friends. They had seen your boundary for what it really was, a roadblock, and bit by bit, they had broken it down.
Eddie’s hesitation isn’t because he can no longer touch you. His hesitation whispered of something more, something different, something still delicate. Just as delicate as the fragile wings of the butterflies in his stomach that fluttered to life every time you entered a room.
They weren’t new. And you still didn’t know they existed — that they had always existed. From the first moment he’d met you.
“One of the Halloween movies,” he tells you, leaning down to keep the conversation more private.
You felt his breath on your ear. A new touch that happened more frequently now. One you sought after almost as vehemently as you had those first few points of contact.
“Oh?” you play along, staying hushed, “How fitting.”
“Very.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t make them put on a vampire movie. You know,” you cut off, and motion to his costume. You bump your knee to his as you do it, “Given your attire.”
“Zee night iz ztill young,” he puts on an obnoxious accent meant to mimic Dracula himself, pronouncing all his ‘s’s as ‘z’s.
You only smile, wide and generous and soft and tender, before you lift a hand to punch at the flared collar of his cape. You don’t even hesitate, not even when your knuckles brush the side of his neck.
“Pretty killer, right?” he jokes, trying to ignore the warmth flooding his cheeks.
“Very,” you hum in approval, hand dropping as you lean back into the heavy warmth of his arm around you. You almost reach the hand up to his bottom lip to trace that makeup there, slightly smeared and edges rugged already from his snacking, but you do withhold yourself at that line, “I like the makeup.”
“Yeah?” he lights up with pride, “You know, I did the eyeliner all by myself.”
You squint pointedly, leaning in just an inch closer to inspect the feathered charcoal on his waterline, “Really? Very impressive, Eds.”
“Stop flirting,” Steve demands as he leaves the kitchen, “You’re going to give him a bigger head than he needs.”
You both break apart slowly, letting space settle between you two and slowly fading back into the real world and out of that little bubble between you two. Eddie’s arm remains — his palm never leaves you, going so far as to give you a playful squeeze as his finger trails down your bicep.
A pathway of spring roses feels as though they bloom along that trail. Vibrant, full of life, open to possibility. When it came to you, Eddie had one Hell of a green thumb.
“Stop ruining the fun, big boy,” Eddie looks up at your friend, poking his tongue out as his nose scrunches. Adorable. Painfully so.
Steve is dressed as Batman. His mask is discarded somewhere on the counter beside the punch bowl.
“We have plenty of time for fun,” Steve waves off the comment, coming to stand in front of the TV with his hands on his hips, “Am I forgetting anything? I have candy for any kids that come knocking, we’ve got punch thanks to Nance, I ordered our pizza-“
“You better have ordered one with pineapple,” Eddie interrupts, tilting his head sideways in your direction, temple brushing against one of your fake ears, signaling how it was your favorite. You burrow yourself deeper into his touch.
Steve subtly ignores him, “-I have the big speakers set up if we wanna listen to any music in the backyard. Am I missing anything?”
Predictably, he wasn’t. Steve always thought of everything.
The last few months had been nice. Finally getting to enjoy Eddie’s touch had been more than you ever planned for, reveling in the way the boy was so gentle with you even as he finally gave in. Once he started, it was as if you both could finally breathe. A weight had lifted from Eddie’s shoulders just from the simple adjustment of now getting to sit beside you at every function, his bouncing knee always pressing into yours. It had become a silly tradition for him to offer to share that wild head of hair during scary movies, demanding if someone else tried to sit beside you during horror movies in particular that you needed him and his curls to protect you.
You had gone from yearning for touches, yearning for that contact, to your friends arguing over who would be indulged that night.
They had taken it slower than you thought you wanted (save for Robin), but in the end, it had all worked out. You didn’t freeze anymore. Your aversion to touch had slowly, slowly, withered away with each hug, with each clasp of their hands on you, with each casual cuddle session they pulled from you. You no longer felt like an anomaly. And it wasn’t that your friends had ever meant to make you feel like an outsider, but it felt like finally being let into a club you’d mourned being left out of for years.
The day that Eddie had grabbed your hand during a casual conversation amongst everyone while out for lunch, letting his thumb trail back and forth over your knuckles in a soothing motion, you’d nearly cried.
Something so delicate yet so telling. A quiet action of affection you’d spent so long telling yourself you couldn’t have. Back rubs during hugs, letting Argyle braid your hair in return, resting your head onto Robin’s shoulder instead of only vice versa. They were all things you’d denied yourself of for so long. You regret it, but you couldn’t change anything in the past, only the now.
And now, you had the boy who had first sprouted such affectionate want within you wrapped up against you, leaning into you for comfort as he started to ignore Steve again.
“Wanna go out back and smoke while he mother hens?”
He doesn’t have to ask you twice.
You both slip away out the back door unnoticed, a new banter sparking up between Robin and Steve being enough distraction to allow it. Eddie wastes no time digging into his jean pockets once he’s outside, throwing the cape out widely before he pulls out his pack of cigarettes.
“Want one?” he offers, flipping it open in your direction.
You just smile, shaking your head, “No, thanks. I don’t smoke.”
You’d never really said that before to anyone in your group, only politely declining up until now. A small detail, but Eddie looks pleased to learn it all the same.
“Huh,” he curiously hums, pulling his own cigarette from the carton before tucking it back away, “I never knew that.”
“I’ve never really told anyone,” you shrug.
“It is some big secret?”
“Nope.”
“Hmph.”
This hum is muffled by the tip of the filter in his mouth, his hands now busy patting down his body for his lighter.
“What?”
His lips struggle to stretch around the tip of the cigarette without dropping it, solely from how wide his smile is, “I like learning new things about you.”
For every thing you had once spewed at Robin that night, Eddie had learned of you tenfold.
It was far past learning how your fingers fit between his or the smell of your perfume. He’d wanted it all; to know the inside workings of your mind, to be privy to all of your beautiful thoughts. The softness set in stone inside of you bled far past what could be felt in your fingertips or the care that shook your hand when you’d brush back stray curls out of his eyes. It fed deeper into you, into parts of you that Eddie could spend hours exploring without once growing bored.
“You say that like I’m interesting,” you murmur half-heartedly, suddenly reaching out beneath his cape and tucking into his back pocket he could have sworn he already checked. His breath is the one that catches at your arm brushing against his waist from the reach, his body is the one that freezes up entirely just from proximity. A change of roles that you had never seen coming, but he’d always figured existed. You never understood the effect you had on him, and that was in part his fault.
You produce his lighter like magic.
“You are interesting,” he insists as he plucks the lighter from you, flicking it three times to get a steady flame to burn the tip of his cigarette to life, “Don’t sell yourself so short, batty.”
“Batty?” you snort, not moving away from him, even as he blows a thin and ghostly stream of smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
He can only shrug, wrinkling his nose, “Yeah, I didn’t like it either. Had to give it a chance, though.”
In the quiet solitude of Eddie nursing his cigarette and you watching the trees rustle with the last remnants of daylight, something sharper invades the soft space you two seem to brew whenever together. Between your innards that are gentle by nature, and Eddie’s silken attitude not only in actions but attitude towards you, the spaces occasionally left between you two were always something dulcet. Calm. Welcoming. You’d come to discover that maybe, that’s why you’d always yearned to burrow yourself so deeply into those spaces. It was a feeling of comfort and a feeling of home that you had always seemed out, but never found that fit quite as right as these moments.
“Hey Eddie?” you ask aloud as he finishes off the cigarette, stomping it out on the ground with his boot.
“What’s up?” he answers, making no move to go back inside.
You always liked these moments alone best. From the very beginning. Even before he felt comfortable enough to step closer to you, shoulder to shoulder with you now. He’s trying to squint and see what you’re finding so interesting in the array of colorful leaves in the distance, slowly being covered in blue shadows rather than golden light, without asking.
You liked that. You liked it a lot; the way he always seemed to seek out your perspective on things. “Can I ask you something?”
“You just did-“
“Fuck off,” your hand flies up, and smacks his shoulder. You never would have done that before. But you do now, relishing that contact even in the briefest of moments. The freedom to reach out and touch.
Once he stops laughing, clearly amused with himself, he turns to face you. Whatever he had been searching for in the trees is long gone, and your focus has moved onto him now, so it’s futile.
“Ask away, sweetheart.”
A deep breath for bravery, and you’re blurting out, “Did you really only avoid touching me when we met because... the others… they told you not to?”
He wasn’t expecting that question. The crease between his brows makes that clear. You almost take your thumb to it, try to smooth out the worry. But you’re not quite there yet. Maybe one day you would be.
It’s not as loaded of a question as he thinks it is. It’s cute to watch him assume it is, though.
“I mean,” he starts his words slowly, carefully, “I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I guess,” he repeats.
Your smile is sending him into a tornado of emotion. He almost curls his hands into fist, just as you used to do.
When you broke down your boundary, it had split a crack through his dam. He knows he can reach out and touch you. He knows you’ll accept his physicality without complaint now. It doesn’t make it any less scary.
For the same reason you don’t press your thumb into his eyebrow crease — having a crush just makes you hesitate like that.
“I’m obviously a touchy guy,” he throws his arms out, aimlessly, and when they return his side, they almost nick yours. You wish they would brush yours, “But… between you and me, I always get nervous around pretty girls.”
The world slows. It doesn’t stop, it can’t stop for two youths who are trying to explore new and giddy feelings — but my God, can it slow to an absolute crawl, if only for the two of you.
“You think I’m pretty?” you tease, swallowing down just how much those words mean. You always have to remind yourself it’s worth it; being just friends is worth it now that you’ve learned the exact brand of cologne he wears and recognize the weight of his arm around you.
“The absolute prettiest,” he breathes out, “I always have. Even if they hadn’t told me to hold back, I would have- Hell, I still do,” the Autumn air makes him honest, makes him brave, “I am- I would be- I just- It’s terrifying, the thought of fucking it up because you turn my brain to… mush.”
Your eyes lift up to his forehead blanketed in his bangs, squinty and entertained, “You’re telling me it’s all just soup in there right now?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
Your friends are inside. There is candy to eat until your stomachs ache, and hugs to partake in until your bones have been crushed and pieced back together by threads of platonic affection.
Right now is anything but platonic. And it is time for something else to break, not your bones and not your boundaries. Something more.
“I’m pretty sure your hand on my shoulder when we first met would have ended my entire world,” he confesses, starting the first crack.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. If you had hugged me every time you saw me, I don’t know if I would have ever found the nerve to leave my house.”
Another crack.
“And if I sat next to you every time we went out for dinner?”
“Wouldn’t have been able to eat a bite, I’m afraid.”
A spiderweb of cracks, all widening.
“And if I had laid my head on your shoulder during movie nights?”
“What the Hell is a movie?” he jokes, chuckling a bit nervously now, “Who knows? Certainly not me, certainly not when my favorite girl is curled up next to me.”
One more crack, and the entire thing will finally shatter. You’re begging it to shatter.
You bite your tongue on any remark about still being his favorite, because since that goddamn night, he’d never said Robin or Nancy were his favorites again. Never. He’d meant it. You were his favorite.
“And if I just…” you pause as you step forward, leaning in slowly, and it takes everything in Eddie not to turn and run as your lips brush over his cheek as you whisper, “Kissed your cheek? Right here, right now?”
He doesn’t respond, your lips press together and then press down.
It shatters with a resounding snap that must be heard across Hawkins. Across Indiana.
One moment, your lips are on his cheek, and the next, they’re on his lips. He turns his head quickly before any doubt or nerves or roots can interrupt the moment.
Endless. Endearing. Warmth. Tenderness. Soft.
His lips are soft. So goddamn soft.
His hands are foreign things for a second, as if he’s in shock that he’d actually done it and kissed you. But they come back to life when your own lift to his neck, wrapping behind his neck and beneath the collar of that cape, pulling him in even closer to you.
He kisses you. And kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you. Till you’re both dizzy and it doesn’t matter that the earth won’t stop spinning long enough for you two to live in this moment.
It should be unfamiliar, especially to you, but it isn’t. It’s as if the two of you have done this dance before. In another life, in another world, on another Earth far away from here. Your lips know his in this lifetime, and they will know his in the next — this first meeting only allows for a sigh of relief in the Universe, and in you.
He paused the kisses briefly, palms cradling your face with care and intention, “Do you know,” he places his lips onto yours one more time, as if fearful that spending too much time apart will let you vanish, “how often,” another kiss, deeper this time, “I’ve wanted to do this?”
A final peck. A period to the end of a sentence that the two of you had taken your time writing.
“No,” you laugh earnestly, fingers digging into the soft skin at his nape, reveling in the slip of his curls between your knuckles, “Maybe you should tell me about it.”
“Tell you about all the times?” he’s leaning back in, lips brushing against yours. Just a touch, but it shakes you to your core, “All the times I wanted to touch you, hold you, kiss you?”
You capture his lips in yours, unable to resist anymore. You’ve spent months resisting — his lips and kisses, his touches and brushes, his warmth and sunshine. You’re done resisting.
“Every,” you pull back and catch the glint in his eyes. He’s done, too, the rubble of the shatter, “Single,” you peck one cheek, “Last,” you peck the other, now rosey, “One.”
You finally kiss his lips again. Your fingers tug harshly on his curls, and his mouth falls open at the unexpected sensation. Instead of taking this any further and starting something you’d never want to end, you do the adult thing — you nip at his bottom lip, a bite of adoration that leaves him with a sting to remember.
“Fuck,” he sighs out, chasing after you, but your hands press into his chest to keep him into place, “I- Sorry, was that too much?”
“Too much?” you laugh breathlessly, shaking your head immediately. Once upon a time, it might have been too much. But now, it wasn’t enough. “No such thing, not with you.”
“Careful,” his hands came up to cover your fists balled into the front of his shirt, moving so that his cape brushes against your sides now, “I’m known to be quite a handful, sweetheart.”
You snort and grip his shirt even harder. “God, I sure hope so. You’ve been holding out on me, dracula.”
“Oh, have I?”
His smirk and your smirk are perfect mirror images of each other.
Description: Everything was perfect. Engaged to the love of your life, a wedding around the corner, days filled with love and planning forever, until…the accident. You wake up one day with no memory of Johnny, and now he has to prove that if he made you fall in love with him once, he can do it all over again.
Tags/Warnings: fem!reader, angst, hurt/comfort, an accident resulting in amnesia, fear of losing of a loved one, johnny needs a hug, everyone cries, found family, eventual fluff, wedding planning shenanigans.
Note: As always I’m very happy to share this new project with you guys!! This will be a four part series (my first one yay) inspired on the album Lover by Taylor Swift. Angsty to the core, of course, but full of resilience and second chances too 🤍 See you there! Taglist open 🫶🏼
Masterlist
Chapter one: Soon you’ll get better
What am I supposed to do, if there’s no you?
Chapter two: Death by a thousand cuts
What once was ours, is no one’s now
Chapter three: Cornelia Street
That’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
when the fic has 10k+ words, fluff, angst, smut right at the end, friends to lovers, character who’s down bad for reader, AND Y/N DOESNT ACT LIKE A CHILD
You roll onto your side, dazed, ears ringing, only to find you'd taken down none other than Bucky Barnes himself.
Flat on his back in the dirt, he groans, blinking up at the face hovering above him.
And then, inexplicably, he smiles.
“Are you an angel?” he flirts, breathless, dazed but clearly delighted.
You blink in disbelief, ears still ringing from the crash.
“What?!” you shout, because everything sounds like it's underwater.
“You fell from the sky,” Bucky says, completely unbothered, even as you lie half on top of him. “So you ought to be an angel.”
You stare at him, coughing once, patting out a small flame on your sleeve. “That’s… not how that works.”
Or
When an assassin travels through time to target Bucky in the 1940s, the TVA assigns you to protect him and the timeline. Unfortunately, you can't help falling in love with him along the way.
Tags/Warnings: Fluff, angst, time travel, TVA Hunter!reader, nurse!reader, meet-cute, falling in love, dancing and kissing in the rain, Bucky being cute and untraumatised
WC: 7.6k
A/N: Lowkey distracted me from all the other fanfics I've been writing, but I think it was worth it. Hope you like it! Part 2 is finally done, linked below.
Part 1 | Part 2
***
Working at the TVA … sucked. No, really sucked. The coffee was always cold, the lighting made your eyes twitch, and your desk chair was really uncomfortable. And your supervisor kept refusing to put through the order for a new one, citing "budget cuts", even though it was definitely because he just didn’t like you.
You were trained for combat and field ops, you were a hunter once upon a time, but apparently you're “unstable” and “a universal liability”, or whatever that means. One time anomaly, and suddenly you’re radioactive. Now you’re an analyst for their most stale department.
You’re practising the ancient and noble art of flipping pens into a cup when your colleague, Marnie, peeks around the side of your cubicle. “Boss wants to see you. What did you do this time?”
“I didn't do anything…maybe I’m getting promoted,” you say with a shrug as you pull yourself from your chair.
She starts laughing, and keeps laughing for a little too long, even as you walk away. “Promoted?” she wheezes, nearly choking on a breath. Okay, you may not be amazing at your job, but you weren't that bad.
You arrive at your boss’s office. The door creaks open slowly, and you step inside to see him sitting there, looking all sorts of menacing, tie perfectly straight, cuffs buttoned, face blank except for that twitch of a smile that never meant anything good.
“Sir,” you say, halfway through pulling out a chair, but he stops you with a sharp flourish of his hand.
“You don't need to sit,” he says, sliding a manila file across the desk toward you with the same care one might use to slide over a loaded weapon.
“What's this?” you ask, taking the file cautiously, like it might bite.
“Your new assignment,” he says with a smug little tilt to his mouth. “Congratulations. You’re back on the field.”
Your eyes widen. “Really? I…”
But you stop yourself. You’ve been around long enough to know if they were sending you out again, it wasn’t because they believed in you. It was because no one else would do it, or because they didn’t plan on seeing you come back.
You take a steadying breath and clear your throat. “What’s the mission?”
“I’m sending you to 1944,” he says, steepling his fingers. “On Earth-616.”
“For?”
“Bucky Barnes.”
You squint. “Barnes? What could you possibly need me to do with a pre-Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes?”
Your boss leans forward slightly, “You need to make sure he survives.”
You blink. “Survives? But…he does. That’s the whole—”
“Not in this timeline,” he cuts in, cold and certain. “In this branch, someone outside the TVA has interfered so that he dies before he falls from the train. No HYDRA recovery. No Winter Soldier. And the consequences ripple farther than you can imagine.”
You glance down at the file. A photo of a young Barnes is clipped to the inside cover. Smiling. Alive.
“You want me to alter history to save the Winter Soldier?”
“More like…,” your boss says. “To save the man before he becomes him. We’re gambling that Barnes's survival in this branch prevents something worse. Much worse.”
You don’t ask what that is. You already know you won’t like the answer.
You shut the file. “When do I leave?”
***
“So… Bucky Barnes…” Marnie starts, casually leaning against the doorframe as you're getting your equipment together and triple-checking your mission packet.
“Yes. Him,” you reply, already preemptively tired of this conversation.
“He's quite hot.”
“I know,” you mutter, slipping into a 1940s-era dress and adjusting the seams. It itches.
“Quite a ladies' man too,” Marnie adds, wagging her brows. “Before the whole brainwashing and murdery assassin phase.”
You shoot her a look. “Yes, Marnie. What do you want?”
She grins, completely unbothered. “Get an autograph for me?”
You freeze mid–lipstick application. “You want me to go back in time and risk screwing up a major branch just so I can—”
“Please? Just a napkin. Or his dog tags. Whatever’s easiest.”
You stare.
She shrugs. “I'm just saying if you're gonna flirt with the Winter Soldier, I should at least get a souvenir.”
“I’m not going to be flirting with him.” You roll your eyes and walk out the door, muttering, “If I don’t come back, tell the TVA I died rolling my eyes into another dimension.”
You head out and prepare to time jump to 1944, you were ready for this. This is the opportunity you have been waiting for to finally get off the desk.
Unfortunately for you, something went wrong. The portal, instead of opening smoothly at ground level like it was supposed to, ripped open in the sky, spitting you out midair and sending you careening toward the ground.
Perfect.
Wind rushes past your ears, your limbs flailing as you fall, wondering if the TVA was really just trying to kill you off this time. You were supposed to land quietly near Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Clearly, your equipment misunderstood the assignment.
With a bone-jarring thud and a loud “oof!” from both of you, you collided with something, or rather, someone. You roll onto your side, dazed, ears ringing, only to find you'd taken down none other than Bucky Barnes himself.
Flat on his back in the dirt, he groans, blinking up at the face hovering above him.
And then, inexplicably, he smiles.
“Are you an angel?” he flirts, breathless, dazed but clearly delighted.
You blink in disbelief, ears still ringing from the crash.
“What?!” you shout, because everything sounds like it's underwater.
“You fell from the sky,” Bucky says, completely unbothered, even as you lie half on top of him. “So you ought to be an angel.”
You stare at him, coughing once, patting out a small flame on your sleeve. “That’s… not how that works.”
“Well, if you’re not an angel,” he says, eyebrows raised with that signature Brooklyn charm, “just who are you?”
You take his hand, the buzz of adrenaline still humming in your bones as he helps pull you upright.
You give him your real name, after all, it’s not like you exist in this timeline. “I’m a nurse,” you add, a half-truth that feels easier than trying to explain time travel mid-concussion.
Bucky dusts off his uniform, giving you a squint like he’s trying to place your face or make sense of your sudden entrance.
“Where are you from?” he asks, arms crossed, curiosity piqued.
“Just...around,” you say, trying not to sound too suspicious. “You know… a place. And a time.”
He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head. “You’re one strange broad.”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
He studies you for another beat, something unreadable flickering behind those sharp blue eyes. “Well, Nurse from Around, how about you explain yourself over a walk before my commanding officer thinks I hit my head too hard.”
“Will do,” you answer quickly.
***
Covering your tracks… wasn’t exactly going well.
It might’ve been a little easier if you hadn’t fallen out of the sky. Now you were stuck convincing a confused medic and an increasingly suspicious commanding officer that you’d fallen out of a tree. A tree. Because apparently that was more believable than time travel.
Just great.
Now, everyone thought you were insane.
Well… everyone except Bucky Barnes, who, rather than questioning your mental state, seemed mostly amused, and a little too entertained by the whole situation.
You finally duck out of the medical tent, brushing the canvas flap aside and stepping into the dusty camp. You glance around, scanning for any anomalies, temporal or otherwise, but all seems quiet. Soldiers go about their business. Trucks rumble in the distance.
You barely take two steps before you hear boots behind you.
“You sure you’re alright?” Bucky asks, falling into step beside you like you’re already part of the unit.
You give him a side glance, managing a dry smile. “Yeah. I’ll just not climb trees from now on.”
He laughs under his breath, clearly not buying your excuse, but letting you have it anyway. “Smart plan. Trees can be vicious.”
***
You finished out the rest of the day, doing your best at being a nurse as you kept an eye on Bucky. He’d caught you staring and ducking behind trees, and you just hoped that he didn’t get the wrong idea.
Plus, if you were able to catch the assassin today, then you’d be out of his hair before he knew what hit him.
From the reports and the intel the TVA gave you, you knew exactly when the HYDRA assassin sent to kill Bucky would strike.
The first one would be right in the middle of a planned raid on a HYDRA base tucked deep in the woods, under cover of darkness. The chaos of the assault would make it easy for the assassin to slip in, take the shot, and vanish without a trace. No one would notice until it was too late.
Unless you stopped it.
In the middle of the battle, you pop in out of nowhere, grabbing Bucky by the collar and yanking him out of the path of a HYDRA blast. You both hit the ground hard, your time tech flickering and sizzling from the strain. Hopefully, he didn’t notice.
“What are you—? How did you—?”
“No time for questions,” you snap, already moving.
In the chaos of fire and smoke, you spot it: a mask, sleek and cold, standing out stark against the vintage uniforms and artillery. Too advanced. Too clean. The temporal scanner had pinged it before you even landed. This is it.
You pull out your collapsible baton, flicking it to full extension with a sharp crack. You're just about to take off into the fray when a hand clamps around your arm.
“Wait, where are you going? It's not safe!” Bucky shouts, his grip firm, eyes searching yours like he’s not sure what corner of reality you just stepped out of.
You glance back, heart racing, adrenaline already hitting full throttle. “I’ll be just fine,” you say, yanking free with a grin that’s half-cocky, half-suicidal.
And then you run.
You swing your baton hard, catching the masked assassin’s wrist as they strike. Sparks fly as metal clashes with energy. You dodge low, spin, sweep, barely avoiding a plasma blade that hums.
You exchange blows in rapid succession, breath coming fast, each strike calculated. You catch your opponent’s foot mid-kick, twist, and send them sprawling. But they recover fast, too fast.
The assassin disappears into the smoke as quickly as they came, one final glance exchanged. You stand frozen for a second, breath ragged, heart pounding like it’s trying to escape your chest.
Then you remember Bucky.
You whirl around and sprint back through the debris.
The air is thick with smoke and blood, the sharp tang of ozone still clinging to your tongue. You see Bucky kneeling behind a flipped transport truck, dirt and soot smeared across his face, his rifle slack in his hands.
The gunfire has stopped.
The HYDRA soldiers have either fled or fallen, most of them dead. The Howling Commandos, though bloodied and bruised, are standing.
The Allies had won another battle.
You slow to a walk, your baton still humming faintly in your hand, and you lock eyes with Bucky. He looks at you like he’s seeing an alien.
You give him a short nod. “Told you I’d be fine.”
“I thought you were a nurse.”
“I'm slightly more than a nurse.”
He stares at you, wide-eyed, chest heaving. “I’ve met a lot of women, smart ones, tough ones, the kind that could knock your teeth in, but I ain’t ever met a dame like you.”
You blink, half-winded. “Oh, uh… thanks.”
You both just lie there for a second, dust settling around you.
“Do you…do that a lot?” he asks, eyebrows raised. “Just fall out of the sky and save people?”
You brush dirt off your face and pat him on the shoulder, “Just you, Bucky. Just you.”
***
After patching him up and swearing him to secrecy, you managed to convince Bucky that you'd stolen a military car, got lost in the countryside, and just happened to stumble into the middle of a HYDRA ambush.
Miraculously, he bought it. Mostly. Though he was still eyeing you sideways at your sudden and impressive fighting skills.
Now you're in the med tent, tending to a minor burn on your shoulder and trying not to look like someone who’d just sparred with a time-travelling assassin.
And then, a familiar voice cuts through the tent flap, “Well, well, if it isn’t my favourite nurse?”
You glance up to see him. He looks good, unfairly good, even with a cut on his cheek and half-dried blood on his sleeve.
“Don’t let anyone else hear that,” you tease. “They’ll have my head.”
Bucky chuckles and steps closer; you can feel the heat of him, the weight of his gaze on your skin. You know he’s just being himself, probably not meaning anything by it.
But still, your heart skips, just once, just enough.
“Where’d you learn to fight like that?” he asks, now shoulder to shoulder with you, like the question is only for your ears.
You shrug casually. “My… parents,” you lie. “They were big on survival skills.”
He grins, turning his head just slightly to look at you, eyes gleaming with mischief.
“Your folks, huh? I guess you have to warn a fella before you bring him home to meet the family.”
You smile faintly, but glance away, “Never had anyone to bring home before.”
He jumps on it almost like he can’t help himself, he says, “Really? Someone as beautiful as you? What is it, no one’s good enough?”
Your lips tug into something halfway between a smirk and a confession.
“No one interests me.”
You don’t look at him when you say it. But you feel the shift in the air between you, the stillness that comes when something unsaid suddenly gets loud.
“Guess I’ll have to work harder, then.”
Despite yourself, you find yourself smiling like an idiot.
“Incorrigible flirt,” you mutter, shaking your head.
Bucky leans just a little closer, clearly enjoying the effect he's having. “Takes one to know one.”
“I wasn’t flirting with you!” you exclaim, but by then, he was already walking away like he won.
***
It’s been a week and a bit since your arrival, and you’re still on high alert for the assassin. You’ve thwarted two more attacks, but still haven’t managed to kill them; it was beyond frustrating. They’d disappear as soon as you thought they had the.
But something else was brewing in your life. Bucky Barnes was ruining it. With his perfect smile and charming words, something had shifted between you two.
At first, it was subtle, shared glances, lingering looks across the mess hall, quiet moments after missions when no one else was watching. But lately, it's turned into more. Sitting side by side during downtime, playing cards by lantern light, sharing stories you probably shouldn’t.
When you’re roped into a game with the Howling Commandos, Bucky sits beside you, coaching you (badly) as you bluff your way through a hand.
“Terrible poker face,” he whispers, eyes flicking to your expression.
“Because you’re being distracting,” you tease, nudging him playfully. You glance at your cards, then smirk. “All in!”
“Doll, what are you—?”
“Trust me.”
You lean back, watching as one by one, they fold, all revealing their hands reluctantly. Then you lay your cards down, nothing special at all. The room groans in disbelief, and Bucky looks at you like you’re full of surprises.
“Play the man, not the cards or whatever they say,” you say with a wink at Bucky, pulling in your winnings, to which he just shakes his head in amusement.
On another night, you stay up talking about nothing and everything. He told you about Brooklyn, about meeting Steve, about hot dogs for a nickel and summer days spent on stoops. He softened when he talked about his family. Recalling how his ma used to sing while hanging laundry, her voice barely louder than the city noise.
You listened like every word was something sacred, like he was more than just a mission.
“I’ve never been to New York,” you admit when he finishes, your voice barely above the crackle of the fire nearby.
He glances at you, almost sheepish, like that surprises him. “Well… you ought to go sometime,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “Pretty great people there.”
A small smile touches your lips.
“I bet.”
You shift a little closer to him, under the guise of being cold, but really, you just wanted to be near him. There was something about Bucky that made you feel... safe.
He doesn’t question it. If anything, he leans slightly toward you too, like this is just as natural for him as it is for you.
“What about you?” he asks after a beat. “I feel like I know nothing about where you’re from.”
You hesitate.
“I, uh…” You force a small smile, trying to play it off.
But it falters, just enough for the truth to slip in.
The truth is…you don’t know. Not really. Your past is a locked door in a building long since burned down. The TVA had made sure of that. You have no memories of your childhood, no hometown to long for. Just a vague ache where your life should have been.
He watches you carefully, and when your smile dims, he doesn’t let it go unnoticed.
“Are you alright?” he asks gently.
“Oh, yeah, I just…” You pause, then try again, weaker. “I don’t really have a home anymore, not sure I ever did.
You expect him to fall silent or maybe change the subject, the way most people do when they don’t know how to respond to that kind of sadness.
But Bucky doesn’t.
Instead, he shifts a little closer and gently tilts your chin toward him with two fingers, careful, like he's afraid to push too hard.
His eyes meet yours.
“Well,” he says softly, “you got a home here. With me.”
For a second, you forget how to breathe. You’ve never felt like you belong anywhere, but he might just change that.
***
As the days pass, the late-night conversations become a quiet kind of ritual. You tell yourself it's just so you can keep an eye on him, but that's a bold-faced lie.
When Bucky can’t sleep, which is often, you find yourself beside him. Sometimes in a tent, sometimes just outside, staring up at the stars together like there’s nothing else in the world. You talk about anything and everything: music, books, old memories, made-up futures.
And sometimes, you sit in silence, and it’s still enough.
One night, you’re lying by each other’s side, looking up at the stars, his jacket slung around your shoulders.
“You keep looking up like you’re trying to figure out what’s out there,” he says, half a smile on his lips.
You chuckle lightly.
If only he knew. Worlds upon worlds. Timelines stacked like cards. Variants of him. Of you. Entire universes spinning just out of reach.
“I guess I’m just curious,” you lie gently. “But they are quite beautiful, aren’t they?”
You turn your head, expecting him to still be gazing at the sky.
But he’s not.
He’s already looking at you, like you’re the one who hung the stars.
Like you’re the only thing in the universe that makes sense to him.
Your breath catches, just for a second. Neither of you says anything. The silence wraps around you, soft and warm and full of meaning that hasn’t found words yet. He wants to say that you're more beautiful than any star in the sky, but can't build up the courage to. Just what had you done to him?
“I—” he starts, then falters. A soft laugh under his breath. “You’re something else, you know that?”
You raise an eyebrow, trying to keep the moment light even as your heart stutters.
“Something good, I hope?”
“The best thing I’ve seen in a long time,” he says without hesitation.
And this time, you don’t look away.
***
The next day, you’re still feeling the butterflies.
Bucky’s words from the night before play on an endless loop in your head—“The best thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
It’s maddening. Wonderful. Distracting as hell.
You’re trying to keep your head down in the med tent, sorting bandages like your heartbeat isn’t tap-dancing in your chest.
And of course, he walks in. You don’t even need to look up; you can feel his presence before he speaks.
“To what do I owe the pleasure, Sergeant Barnes?” you ask, not looking up as you sort through medical equipment.
“I was hoping,” he says, inching closer, “that I could steal you for a bit tonight. There’s a… dance.”
You glance at him, raising a brow.
“I don’t dance.”
“What do you mean you don't dance?”
“You heard me,” you huff.
“We’ll see about that,” he says before ruffling your hair and disappearing out of the tent before you could shout at him.
The night came around faster than you expected.
You wouldn't even be here, at least, not voluntarily, but next thing you knew, you were being dragged by the arm, fussed over by two very determined nurses who apparently moonlighted as stylists. Makeup done, hair pinned just right, and someone even loaned you a dress that suspiciously fit a little too well. Time travel luck, probably.
Now you’re stuck to the wall, arms crossed, heels pinching, staring at the floor like it might open up and swallow you. You’d welcome it. Nothing and no one could pull you off that wall.
But then you see him. Bucky’s on the dance floor. Laughing, twirling some sweet redhead in a wide circle, all confidence and swing.
You stare a little too long, feeling the slightest bit jealous. Next to you, one of the nurses fans herself with a folded napkin. “Sergeant Barnes is a real dreamboat, ain’t he?”
You blink out of the trance he had you in and nod in agreement.
She giggles. “Real handsome type and a great dancer too.”
You turn your head just in time to see Bucky looking directly at you now, one brow lifted, half-smile forming.
He starts making his way over.
“Oh no,” you whisper, you whisper, eyes wide as Bucky starts cutting through the crowd, gaze locked on yours.
“Oh yes,” she grins. She looks more excited than you do.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” you mumble quickly, already sidestepping and shuffling away before Bucky can reach you.
You slip out and into the night.
Rain greets you immediately, soft at first, then heavier, soaking into the cobblestone streets until they shimmer under the weak light of the lamplights. The scent of wet stone and old earth fills your lungs. It’s not too cold, not too warm, just the way you like it.
The sun had long since disappeared behind the trees and haze, leaving only a pale wash of moonlight to guide you.
From the tent behind you, music still plays, faint and muffled, a distant echo of a world you don't belong in. Then again, you don’t really belong in any world.
You stand under the canopy of an overhang, raindrops brushing your shoes as you lean into the shelter. Your dress clings slightly to your arms, and for once, everything is still.
Then you hear footsteps, and you know just who they belong to.
“You disappeared on me,” he says.
“Didn’t mean to,” you reply, quietly without turning around.
“Didn’t mean to, or didn’t want to be found?” he asks, his tone somewhere between teasing and careful.
You finally look over your shoulder.
Bucky stands there, rain dripping from his hair, no jacket, suspenders slightly askew. He looks like something out of a postcard, and very much like he knows it.
You meet his eyes.
“Maybe a bit of both,” you say.
He steps under the canopy beside you. Close, but not too close. “Can’t say I blame you. Not everyone likes the spotlight.”
You smirk. “Especially not when it keeps asking you to dance.”
“I wasn’t gonna make you,” he says softly. “But I was hoping you'd say yes.”
The words slip out, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not much of a dancer.”
“I don’t mind,” Bucky says, eyes twinkling. “I’m a pretty good teacher.”
Before you can object, he gently takes your hand, pulling you a little further down the rain-slicked street. The lights from the dance grow dim behind you, the night stretching quiet and still, except for the gentle patter of rain on rooftops.
He stops beside an old field radio, left humming on a crate under an awning. He fiddles with it, taps the side once, and suddenly, music crackles through, a slow jazz tune, scratchy with static, but perfect in its own nostalgic way.
Bucky steps back, the radio's glow lighting his face just enough to see the playful smile he offers you.
“May I have this dance?” he asks, hand outstretched like he’s in a ballroom and not a deserted cobblestone road soaked in wartime rain.
You hesitate only a second before taking his hand.
You’re both getting absolutely drenched, rain soaking through every layer, running in rivulets down your skin, but somehow neither of you seems to care. He holds you with surprising tenderness, one hand on your waist, the other cradling yours like you’re made of something fragile and valuable.
He guides you slowly, turning with the rhythm, humming along softly. You misstep suddenly and land squarely on his foot. “I’m so—”
“I’ve had worse,” he says with a soft chuckle, not even flinching. “Trust me.”
You meet his eyes, rain clinging to your lashes. He doesn’t let go. If anything, he pulls you a little closer.
Then, suddenly, he spins you.
You let out a startled laugh, boots slipping slightly. “You’ll drop me!”
“Me?” he says, grinning like the war around you doesn’t exist. “Never.”
“Oh right, I forgot—you’re a… dreamboat. Sweeping girls off their feet is your speciality,” you tease, barely able to keep a straight face.
His laugh is unfiltered, boyish, throwing his head back as rain slicks his dark hair away from his eyes. “And don't you forget it."
“Oh, whatever,” you say, rolling your eyes, but you’re smiling, more than you had in a long time.
For a moment, it’s just the two of you in the rain. No war. No TVA.
“If I kissed you right now…” Bucky says softly, the words barely cutting through the rain between you.
You step closer, slow and sure, until the tips of your shoes are brushing his. The space between you disappears, your breath mixing with his, your pulse loud in your ears.
“If you kissed me right now…” you repeat back to him coyly, gaze locked on his.
This isn’t the usual grin-and-wink Bucky Barnes. He’s scared that one wrong word would send you running for the hills.
“Would that be okay?” he asks, barely audible. The words tremble just slightly, not from the cold. From you.
You smile, eyes flicking down to his lips, then back to his eyes.
“I think I’d lose my mind if you didn’t.”
He pulls you to him, gently at first, like he’s giving you time to change your mind, but you don’t.
Your lips meet.
It’s soft at first. Sweet, so sweet, you think you could drown in it. The world seems to hush around you, the sound of distant music, rain hitting the floor, even your own heartbeat fading into nothing.
You melt into him as he deepens the kiss, your hands threading into his wet hair, slick and cool beneath your fingers. He tastes like rain and war and something you already know you’ll miss.
His hands rest on your waist, firm but tender, grounding you in the moment. Your soaked dress clings to your skin, but you barely feel the cold anymore, not with him holding you like this, not with the ache in your chest blooming into something warm and dangerous.
Time, the one thing you’re always chasing, slows down for just a second.
The kiss ends slowly, reluctantly, like neither of you really wanted it to.
You pull back just enough to look at him. He’s beautiful in the rain, wet hair slicked back, eyes soft and shining like he’s seeing only you in the whole damn world.
“James?”
His eyes flicker, they twinkle actually. You’ve never called him that before. Not once.
“Yes?” he says, just as quietly, like you’re something breakable he’s afraid to shatter.
“I… thank you. For tonight.”
You hold onto him tighter, fingers curling in the damp fabric of his shirt like you could anchor yourself there. Like, if you just don’t let go, maybe you can stay in this moment. Maybe you won’t have to lose him.
Ever.
He wraps his arms around you, one hand cradling the back of your head, the other pressed firmly against your spine. He holds you like he means it. Like you’re not just some mystery that crashed into his life, but something real. Something he wants.
And in that embrace, you feel warm. You feel safe. You feel loved.
If only you could deserve this.
***
The next day, Bucky is… different.
He’s lighter. Smiling like he doesn’t even realise it. Like he's been floating on something invisible since sunrise.
Steve notices.
They’re all huddled over maps in a makeshift strategy tent, going over the next move, a HYDRA base tucked near the border, heavily fortified, but vulnerable from the east. Radios crackle. Pencils tap. The usual buzz of planning hums around them.
Bucky nods along, absently tracing a route with his finger, but his head’s not really in it.
Steve eyes him amusedly. When the others file out, papers rustling and boots clomping away, Steve lingers.
“Bucky,” he says, that tone in his voice, like he knows everything going on in his head because he usually does.
Bucky doesn’t even try to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Yes?”
Steve folds his arms. “You wanna tell me why you’ve been looking like you just won the lottery?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I can see it all over your face,” Steve says, squinting at him, “You’re keen on her, Buck.”
Bucky exhales through his nose, trying to act casual, but fails. “Well… she is a dish.”
Steve smirks. “But beyond that, you look at her like… like she’s the first person who ever surprised you. Like you trust her.”
Bucky groans and rubs his eyes, a tired, helpless smile tugging at his lips, “I’m done for.”
Bucky doesn’t even deny it.
Steve nudges his shoulder playfully. “Go, but be back here in an hour.”
That’s all the permission Bucky needs; he bolts.
***
You’ve just stepped out of the medical tent, the cool air brushing against your skin, chasing away the fog of exhaustion. But your mind isn’t on the mission or the next wounded soldier.
It’s on him.
On that kiss.
It made you feel like the world had stopped spinning. How dangerous it is to want something that can’t last.
And that’s when strong arms suddenly wrap around you from behind, pulling you into warmth and laughter.
“Bucky!” you gasp, half-scolding as he lifts you a little off the ground.
“Screaming my name? I like the sound of that,” he murmurs, grinning as he nuzzles into your neck like he’s already memorised the shape of you.
You squirm in his arms, heart pounding. “Not here,” you hiss, though your hands are already curled around his forearms, not quite pushing him away.
“You say that,” he teases, his lips brushing just behind your ear, “but you’re not exactly trying to escape.”
“I’m trying not to faint,” you mutter, breathless, “and also trying not to get court-martialed for indecent conduct.”
“Alright, alright,” he laughs, finally letting you go, but his fingers stay laced with yours, like he can’t quite bring himself to lose contact.
You look up at him, something more serious stirring beneath the softness in your eyes.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He sobers instantly. “Of course. Anything.”
You hesitate, then breathe out, “If you had to make a sacrifice… if you had to let someone you really, really care about be hurt, for the greater good… would you?”
His brows knit, and he doesn’t answer right away. For once, James Buchanan Barnes is quiet.
“Is this a hypothetical,” he asks carefully, “or is there something you’re not telling me?”
You don’t answer. That is your answer.
He exhales and rubs his thumb across your knuckles.
“I think… if you’d asked me that a year ago, I’d have said yes. No hesitation. That’s what soldiers do, right? We serve something bigger than ourselves. But now? I don’t know. Because if it were you… I think I'd have to sacrifice myself instead.”
You blink, your throat tightening.
“I don’t think I’d survive it,” he admits, “I could go to hell and back, I wouldn’t care if it meant losing you.”
Your breath catches.
“Bucky…”
“Whatever you're carrying,” he adds, stepping a little closer, “you don’t have to carry it alone.”
You look down at your connected hands, squeezing them a little tighter.
You knew what was coming. You’d known since the day you met him, since the first file was handed to you. Even if you saved him from that assassin… you'd still have to let him be taken by HYDRA.
He’d still have to suffer.
He had to fall.
Because if he didn’t, the timeline would unravel. The world would break in ways you couldn’t fix.
He holds your gaze. “You just have to fight for it, even when it looks hopeless. Especially then, and I’ll be right there with you fighting by your side.”
But is it so wrong to want to say all logic be damned and save him? Maybe there was another way, maybe he’d never have to become the Winter Soldier, maybe you just had to fight for it.
***
Bucky steps into the little jewellery shop, the bell above the door jingling softly behind him. He pauses just inside, looking around, hands buried in his coat pockets. He’s not even sure why he’s here, what possessed him to come in off the street. The rain had stopped hours ago, but something tugged him this way.
Maybe it was you.
An older woman steps out from the back, adjusting her spectacles and wiping her hands on a velvet cloth. “Can I help you, young man?”
“Yeah,” Bucky says, slowly approaching the counter. “I’m looking for something for a friend.”
“Just a friend?” she asks, with a knowing lift of her brow.
He looks down, a sheepish grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, one that tells the whole sorry truth before he even speaks.
“Maybe more than that,” he admits, glancing back up.
She smiles softly. “Rings?”
“That’d be a bridge too far,” he replies, rubbing the back of his neck. “I like her a lot, and I could see myself… y’know, doing that someday. But not yet. Not till after the war. After I figure out how to be someone she deserves.”
She nods, moving slowly, respectfully. “Tell me about her. Does she like pearls… or maybe something dainty like this?” she says, pointing to a delicate necklace with tiny stones. “It’s quite popular amongst young women.”
Bucky glances at it, but it doesn’t feel right. Not for you.
“I’m looking for something more…” he pauses, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he searches for the word. “More her. Not just beautiful, but… rare.”
The woman nods, understanding in her eyes, and gestures toward a small case of pendants and lockets. One catches his eye immediately, simple, elegant, with a strange little etching that almost looks like a constellation, and he knows how much you love the stars.
“Can I?” he asks.
“Of course.”
He picks it up in his hand, carefully looking at how it shines under the lights.
“It’s perfect,” he says quietly. Then, more to himself, “She sees things in ways I don’t… and can’t always understand, like she’s lived twice as long, in half the time.”
“Sounds like quite the girl…” the shopkeeper says, watching him with a soft smile.
“She sure is,” Bucky replies, like it’s the only thing in the world he’s completely sure of.
He doesn’t hesitate. Reaches for his wallet, pays in full, and tucks the little velvet box into the inner pocket of his jacket. He hopes—God, he hopes—you’ll like it.
***
You’re sitting out with him under the stars like usual, except you can sense Bucky’s nervous. But not as nervous as you when you see him pull out a box. Was he—?
“What’s that?” you ask, your heart in your throat. This was definitely not a part of the mission, you, a variant that isn’t supposed to exist on this Earth, getting engaged to Bucky Barnes would certainly fuck up the Sacred Timeline. You are so getting fired, and people don’t get fired at the TVA, they get erased!
He shifts, a little nervous, like this isn’t something he’s done before. “It’s not a ring or anything,” he says quickly, “I just…”
He opens the box slowly. Inside, nestled on a velvet cushion, is the most beautiful necklace you’ve ever seen. Not only would you live to see another day, but the fact that Bucky thought of you made you so unbelievably happy.
Your breath catches. “You got this for me?”
He shrugs, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “I wanted you to have something. In case something ever happened to me,” he says, eyes soft, unsure. “Not that something is going to, but, hell, I don’t know. You make me feel like maybe the world’s not all falling apart. Like I’m not either.”
“I feel the same way,” you say softly, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “Can you help me put it on?”
He nods, almost shy now, and steps behind you, fingers careful as he lifts the chain and drapes it around your neck. The charm rests just at your collarbone, warm from his touch. You can feel his breath near your ear as he clasps it gently in place.
“I love it,” you whisper, turning to face him again.
You rise onto your toes and press a light kiss to his lips, his hands resting on your waist as he deepens it.
You’d lose him a few days from now, but this moment would be one you cherish forever.
***
The new year had passed a few weeks ago, and you knew your time here was up. You knew you had to say goodbye. Taking a shaky breath, you pull him aside, away from the others. He looks at you, and without a word, he leans in, kissing you softly as he pulls you into his arms.
It’s like he’s trying to devour you and make up for any lost time.
“I missed you,” he says before lavishing your neck with kisses. He was insatiable.
“You just saw me this morning,” you tease.
“Still, I'll always miss my girl,” he whines, but then he notices the tension in your shoulders. “What is it?”
“I’m leaving,” you say quietly. “I’ve been reassigned, stationed with another unit.”
Bucky’s face drops, the weight of those words settling between you like a stone. “Are you…? When do you leave?”
“Uh…a few days, you lie.
“So it’s done,” he says resolutely, and you can hear the pain in his words. It almost breaks you entirely.
“We’ll see each other again. Maybe… in another place and another time,” you add softly, trying to hold onto hope that feels impossibly far away.
He nods, swallowing hard. “Maybe in that other place and other time, after the war…you could come find me in New York. We could go to Coney Island, get a hot dog, ride the Ferris wheel. I’ll even win you one of those ridiculous stuffed animals.”
"A big one?"
"Biggest one they got," he answers with confidence.
You let out a shaky breath, a laugh caught somewhere in your throat. Your eyes are already stinging, tears welling despite everything in you trying to hold it together. “Yeah. I’d like—I’d love that.”
Without another word, he pulls you into a tight hug, arms wrapping around you like he’s trying to memorise the moment. You can feel his heartbeat against your cheek, steady and real.
***
You take a deep breath, steadying yourself, eyes locked on the coordinates blinking on your wrist tech. You’ve calculated this down to the second. The assassin would be there; they always were. If you missed even by a moment, Bucky wouldn't survive. And failure... wasn’t an option.
You press the trigger.
The portal spits you out violently, sending you crashing into one of the carriages of the speeding train. You barely get your bearings before the familiar metallic click behind you makes your blood run cold.
You turn.
It’s the assassin.
The one who’s eluded you for months. The one you were sure you’d lost in another timeline. But they’re here, now, and their weapon is already raised.
You don’t hesitate.
You lunge at them, fists flying, striking hard and fast. The rain slicks your grip, but your focus is razor-sharp. You’ve been tracking them too long. Too many near misses. Too many close calls.
You are not letting them hurt him.
They fight back hard, trained, ruthless, but you’ve been preparing for this. In a blur of movement, you duck low, sweep their leg.
They sneer, about to speak, but you beat them to it.
You lock eyes, then you click the button on your wrist.
A jolt of electricity surges through them from the charges you managed to slap onto their side during the scuffle. Their body spasms, convulsing momentarily, stunned. You don’t waste time. You pull your sidearm and fire twice.
Direct hits.
They collapse, gasping, but it’s not over.
In their dying breath, the assassin raises their arm, a last effort. You launch yourself forward just as the muzzle flashes, a bullet screaming toward Bucky.
You jump between them, catching it on your side.
The impact knocks you back, stealing your breath, but you stay upright, barely. As the assassin goes still, now dead, you slide down the wall, knowing you’d done your job. Bucky turns at the sound, just in time to see you stumble, a bloom of red already spreading across your coat.
“No!” he shouts, catching you before you hit the floor. He doesn't understand how you got here, how any of this is possible.
But then again, nothing about you had ever made sense.
And right now? None of that matters.
His hands tremble as he presses them to your wound, trying to stop the bleeding. You were never supposed to get hurt; he was supposed to protect you always.
“Stay with me,” he pleads, voice cracking as he cradles your face in his hand. “Come on, doll… don’t do this.”
“Bucky,” you breathe, tight with pain, “you have to go.”
“No,” he says, eyes wild, refusing to let go. “I can’t—I can’t just leave you—”
“I’ll be okay,” you lie, already feeling your limbs go heavy. “Go, Bucky. Please. Steve needs you.”
He hesitates, anguish in every line of his face.
You reach up with the last of your strength, your fingers brushing gently against his cheek, holding him there, just for a moment longer.
“I’ll be back for you, okay?” he whispers, “So don’t you die on me.”
“I’ll be right here,” you murmur with a weak smile. “We’ll be together after the war, remember?”
“After the war,” Bucky echoes, nodding, as if saying it aloud will make it true. He leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead, full of everything he can’t say yet.
Then, reluctantly, he pulls away.
You watch him go, toward Steve, toward the fight, toward his destiny. You know now there's no stopping it, there is no other way out of this, no matter how hard you fight.
Alone now, you lift your trembling wrist, you take one last breath, and then…
You blip away.
Off this train.
Off this earth.
Out of this timeline.
***
You lived.
You weren’t expecting to. You weren’t supposed to. In fact, you'd made peace with dying on that train.
The fact that you did live…that you walked away when he didn’t.
That you could’ve saved him from what came next…it haunts you.
You spent weeks recovering, mostly in silence. The TVA didn’t ask questions. Maybe they already knew the answers, but they didn’t care.
Then came the new assignment.
A rogue temporal anomaly. Earth-[REDACTED]. Another mess to clean up. Another excuse to run.
But you didn’t take it.
Because somewhere between the orders and the silence and the ache in your chest, you slipped off the grid, something only a TVA hunter would know how to do.
You found your way to Earth-616, the year 2024.
And you found him.
Your Bucky.
He was different now.
You watched him from afar.
He didn’t smile as much, didn’t laugh as much either, and didn’t let people in as often. And you couldn't help but feel like you could have spared him that suffering. The only thing you can do now is watch over him and mourn what you once had.
Now, you sat in the corner of a bar in Brooklyn, hood pulled low, fingers around a drink you hadn’t touched. Just watching and stealing glances at him.
Apparently, not as subtly as you thought.
You slide off your stool quietly, slipping past the crowd and out into the rain. The neon lights from the bar bleed into the wet pavement as you pull your hood up, tucking your face deeper into the shadows.
You're almost in the clear, then an arm shoots out of nowhere and grabs your wrist.
You freeze.
Slowly, you look down at the vibranium hand curled around your forearm.
“Who are you,” he says, “and why have you been following me?”
His eyes flicker down, catching the faint glint of the necklace around your neck, an old, worn charm he thought he’d lost forever. It shouldn’t be possible, but there it is, shimmering in the dim light.
You look up at him, heart pounding, nerves tangled in your throat. His gaze is raw, haunted, like he’s staring at a ghost from a life that never should have crossed paths with his.
