hey

[accioyanapoleng]

(120516 : 03:59PM) this adventure with you has been the best time of my life love stay here

[accioyanapoleng]

(102016 : 03:38AM)

On an average Alcohol will stay in your system for an hour Your liver breaks it down to metabolize it Your breath will have the mark that you’ve kissed bottle(s) of this elixir– One you sometimes count on to keep you sane

Your bloodstream rushes With the alcohol swimming through The alcohol will take effect on you After about 10 shots 0r 4 bottles Depending on what you were drinking Slowly As the alcohol stays in your system These happen:

1. You tend to say the things you’re afraid to say. 2. You come to face with the self you’re afraid. 3. You miss the people dear to your life. 4. You take another swig of your elixir. 5. You tell them how important they are to you. 6. In times that i’m with you, you search for my hand and hold it tight. 7. I’ll ask you to say “i miss you”. 8. You’d smile and look at me, you mouth the words as your eyes close. You look so beautiful, love. 9. You look at your peers and wonder how many more shots to get each of them drunk. 10. You’d put your mask on, because even if you are drinking, you never leave it behind. 11. You take another shot and smile. 12. Your words tend to mold together as you type. 13. Your demons resurface. 14. You wash it down with more alcohol. 15. As the alcohol settles itself in your system, you think of the things you’ve settled for. 16. In times that i’m there with you, this is about the right time that you’d stand from your circle and hold me close. 17. When we’re alone you’d ask for a kiss, or two, or seven because i’ve been counting. I’d joke that I wouldn’t want to kiss you because you’ve drank and smoked a bit, you’d pout a little and i’d lose it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had alcohol before me, because i’m going to kiss you even after bottles of it have done so. I would kiss you even if you taste of vodka. I would kiss you even if smoked. I would kiss you even if you have your own blood on your lips. Love, if I could kiss you for the times i’m grateful, or the times I feel scared, or the times that i’d look at you and know how my hearts beats and whispers your name, I would. I wouldn’t want to miss it. 18. Your body slowly breaks down the alcohol you’ve consumed. 19. The alcohol will finally take a toll on you. 20. Your eyelids drop as you fight the sleep creeping in. 21. You’d lie on your back and maybe write. Or in times we are together, you’d hold me close. 22. Sleep comes to you.

On an average The alcohol will stay for an hour in your system Working its way to be broken down and metabolized The alcohol’s effect on you will wear off As the alcohol leaves your body There are things that won’t Like your demons Or how you’re afraid of messing things up Or how you’re afraid of being not enough. Or how much I care for you and do love you. Love, i’m always going to be in this with you.

[accioyanapoleng]

(091916 : 4:12AM)

i’m wired – tangled bent looped over and over i’m a mess untangle me – lift me up straighten my arms give my threads  its much needed peace help me  please

[accioyanapoleng]

[accioyanapoleng]

(082416 : 04:06AM)

never stop telling me things- like how we lie beside each other and your lips move as i listen to your adventures dreams fears and we’d laugh and exchange our “i love yous” never stop nor apologize because love i want to be lost in your world- yourself

[accioyanapoleng]

(073116) Colonel Caleigfornia Puqui Macchiato Almost four months have passed since we (Nikki and I) adopted her. She was almost thrown out by the landlady of the dorm she (along with her mother and siblings) had been staying at. I have an inkling that Macchi secretly has a modeling career, and she's giving me hints about it for she poses and makes me take pictures of her. She's quite the energetic kitty- she jumps on my bookshelf then to my shoulders and then she'd speed away from me, or she'd run about in my room. She's a handful lil tabby cat but she'll be a great one someday.

[accioyanapoleng]

the moment you said you think that we have an expiration date i wanted so bad so tackle you with my arms - hold you as tight as i could ever have

i wanted so bad to press my lips to yours - convince your lips and tongue to take it back with the love i held deep within my palms my heart and my soul

we don’t have an expiration date

i refuse to believe that you and i can kill this fire we have inside our minds and heart

i refuse to believe that your waters will drown and sink the ship we have tended from day one

i refuse to believe that you can easily turn your back and leave and never come back

because we are not some goods in a grocery store we are not some meat in a can that has a tattoo on when it will last

love i refuse to believe that you feel that we will expire because you can ask for a pause a breathing space if you must

you have a lot of stuff in your plate right now and i understand if most of the time you only need yourself to figure things out and i wouldn’t mind to give you your time because you are a person of your own and you are someone whole but i will make you believe that we will last so long as i can keep dreaming in reaching the stars

i’ve long for the day for you to return my love and now that you have i vow to find you in the middle and work this relationship with you in every moment of my breathing life

[accioyanapoleng]

i'm becoming less and less of the self i once used to be maybe that wasn't the real me and maybe just maybe this is a good thing i'm shedding out the parts that i don't need maybe this time i'm going to find out who i really am supposed to be

[accioyanapoleng]

Her (2013) (061316) i was so used to not being heard nor given more than five minutes of their attention but then i met you you wanted to know every single thing- every single scar on my skin and every single burn on my soul you wanted to hear my voice in every chance you can get you wanted to hear  me laugh and say your name you you you gave me a reason to speak to fight the silence  i have long mastered for i can now speak- tell you everything

[accioyanapoleng]

Comet (2014) (061116) somehow i just know- you

[accioyanapoleng]

“How have you been?” “Dandy.” “That’s nice.” *silence* “But, how are you really doing?” “I don’t know.” “I- my life has been one whirlwind to another.” “Do you want it to stop?” *silence* *in whispers* “More than anything.”

[accioyanapoleng]

I now know the difference between waking up in an empty bed and waking up beside you : 1. Waking up in an empty bed means desolation. 2. Waking up in an empty bed means you are far away from me. 3. Waking up in an empty bed means counting the days before I can see you once more. 4. Waking up beside you means the possibility of my demons backing away from me. 5. Waking up beside you means that my heart can beat calmly after a nightmare just by pressing my ears to your chest and listen to your heart beating. 6. Waking up beside you means kisses - morning kisses, ungodly hour kisses, kisses after waking up from a nightmare. I have found out that the biggest difference between waking up in an empty bed and waking up beside you is that whenever I wake up beside you i’d rather stay awake and spend the day with you than sleep the day away and hide from everything.

[accioyanapoleng]

QUEST- Walang Hanggan (OST, Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa) sa dulo ikaw ay sisilipin sa dulo titingnan kung ikaw ba ay nag-iintay din marahil ikaw ay nakalampas na sa dulo ng ating “dalawa” marahil ikaw ay wala na sa lugar na pwede pang ikaw ay matagpuan sa dulo aking iiwan sa dulo aking isasambitla ang mga katagang “giliw ako sa iyo rito ay maghihintay - gaano man katagal”

[accioyanapoleng]

let me hear your voice to ease the wars inside of my head and my heart

[accioyanapoleng]

wait for me my love as i fight my own battles fight and survive yours

[accioyanapoleng]

i am nothing but chinks of despair anguish and disappointments nothing but a tired record that was played over and over and over nothing but a scratched cd thrown somewhere - maybe under one's bed or hidden beneath stacks of new ones

i feel like a broken  storm causing only destruction and frustrtaion to those within my radius

i feel nothing yet i long for things that'll make my heart skip

i i i -- i need myself but it seems like i can't even seem to know where to look for her

i  will find  her (myself) and  be okay

[accioyanapoleng]

When was the last time you woke up from your sleep and the first thought that popped in your head was how excited you were to start the day? 

On most days, the only thought that pops in my head is for me to go back to sleep - let the day pass by my fingertips without me realizing it. Eat the hours with my eyes closed, maybe drift some minutes into my dreams, or succumb my thoughts to the reality i’m dreading to face.  On most days, you’d see me with a smile, with so much positive outlook in my life that the word pessimistic is an obsolete word in my dictionary. I was that kind of person that people characterize as one of the /strong/ ones.  I don’t think they realize that I am no longer, that.  To be honest, I am no longer anyone for that matter, I feel like i’m no one. I used to avoid sleep because there are so many things I love to do, I’d trade if off in every circumstance that I can get. I’d take the sleepless days if it means helping someone or just simply talking to them about life and anything under the sun. I’d take a coffee induced evening if it means pouring over books and books that I could get my hands on, sometimes, trying to write something - a poem, a prose, a story, a thought. But I am no longer that.  Somewhere in the middle of this all, I lost myself. I can feel my legs walking but to a direction, I, don’t even know. I’m walking aimlessly and it scares me.  I’m scared, of who I am becoming. I’m scared - terrified even, that i’d now trade everything else with sleep, just so I can get some sense of sanity, because being awake means facing every demons imaginable inside my head.  I’m using sleep as my escape. Maybe sleeping can stop it; for now.