I Like Words

Oh look, it's you.

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Goddamit

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Ugh, that went horribly. Shiiiiiiit

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It would be nice if I tried caring for once. So here I go. Ugh, what the hell am I doing.

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Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking. I mean, is that so bad. Why does it have to come at the worst times though?

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I'm an asshole. Yes, that's exactly what I am. Groping for attention and shiz. I don't want to turn into him please

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I'm confused right now. I really am. But looking back, when haven't I been confused. I mean, it seems to me, that everyone's broken in some way. I have friends with dying brothers, friends who have parents who simply don't care about their children, friends with broken hearts (actually, this might be me in the future hehe). But really, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see someone who's barely gone through pain, someone who hasn't been broken in any way, and I get scared. Because holy shit what if some sort of huge challenge awaits me. Like, someone dying (please no), or someone hating me (I know there are probably already some, but I mean, the really annoying asshole bullies), or well, you know, screwing up. Even my favorite people have problems. I mean F. Scott Fitzgerald even has a quote on it. "The most difficult part in a man's life is when his whole world starts falling apart and he can't do anything about it." (I tried to remember as best as I could haha) Seeee, this is what I'm afraid of. Because, so far, everything, aside from a few insecurities, in my life has been perfect, and I'm not sure. They say pain is inevitable. Shit. Maybe I worry too much.

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I like talking about myself I mean, is that so bad Everyone does But sometimes I feel even more isolated

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Not that anyone would care. Now go away. I’m not like them. Don’t tell me who I am. Go away Go away

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Here we go again

Ah shit. It's like I go on cycles. Horribly made cycles. Or are they really made? Screw it, here we go a-ranting. I sit here. Listening to John Legend croon. "You're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning." And I stay here, eyes glued to my phone's screen, wondering if this song was made for me. Why does it have to happen every time? Sigh, it's killing me. Every damn time I fall in like.

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A teenage book review: The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

I've been looking for a book that could get me through endless hours of useless lessons, and The Time Machine did a pretty decent job fulfilling my expectations for this role.

The plot is pretty simple. Some British guy went to the future, did some crazy shit, went back to tell his friends about it, unexpected ending, the end. It was surprisingly nice, given that most 120 paged books don't often come out as well in my point of view.

I did feel however, that H.G. Wells was just a bit to explicit when trying to incorporate his political opinions into the text. I mean, reading the part where the Time Traveler was in the future was like, dystopian characterisation, dystopian characterisation, hey look aliens, then all of a sudden HEY GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE KARL MARX AND COMMUNISM AND SOCIALISM AND THAT ECONOMIC INEQUALITY SUCKS. But then again, I can't think of 'classic' without some sort of political opinion underlying the plot and how the characters were raised and all. So, it's not exactly a big problem given that the whole plot was basically about the inevitable failures of humanity.

I guess yeah, that probably was the best aspect of the book for me. H. G. Wells' reflections on the failures of humanity, and how this whole poor people and rich people system thing will screw us all up in the end probably hit me the most. It kept my mind functioning during Filipino class when the teacher was lecturing on and on about what an audience is. Life in general seemed slightly bleaker after finishing the Time Machine because of this.

It raised certain questions in my head. Questions such as

If humanity is going to screw up in the end, then what in the world am I living for?

Are humans really as primal and selfish as the author perceives of our species?

Do I actually make an impact in the world, given that I'm stuck in a hot and crowded planet with a billion other people?

I am still in the process of answering these questions. But, all I know as of now is that we're not living in vain. That whether or not a God exists, whatever intricate design concluded that humans be put on Earth didn't do so because of some algorithmic malfunction, or some sort of random data output, but because we have something to fulfil. Whether its to fix ourselves up, or to fix other people up, the only thing we can do in the present is to live and do our best to make use of our human function. To help and serve others to make some sort of lasting mark on the way our race shapes this universe. 

I may be a teenager, but whatever I do alters even the smallest part of history, and with everyone else who shares my belief, collectively changes the course of the lives of every human in the not-so-distant future.