Story Summary: A few weeks after the ending of A Court of Silver Flames, the Night Court's newest warriors find themselves amongst familiar friends as they continue training to excel in their Valkyrie skills. But as a dark future calls to threaten the new sense of safety that Gwyn has found with her new found sisters and friends, she finds herself fighting even harder to become the person that will be able to save her friends- and herself.
Warnings: May have mental health triggers, especially towards self loathing and worthlessness.
Word Count: 1330
Part 1
Gwyn glared at Nesta, the gleam of sweat dripping down her face shining as brightly as her eyes as the girls sat down on the steps. âRemind me why I decided to join you in doing this?â Gwyn asked her as Nesta grabbed at one of the two glasses of water that had appeared their courtesy of her friendship with the House of Wind.
Gwyn had decided a few days ago that she was going to challenge herself in attempting the 10,000 from the House of Wind to Velaris. While she had wanted to get out of the Library for more than just training for a long time now, she still wasnât ready to face the city yet. Giving herself the opportunity to join Nesta on the stairs would get her acclimated to seeing and hearing the city and decide when, if ever, she would be ready to see others once again. When she had asked Nesta to accompany her after working in the library today, Nesta had seemed shocked and delighted to join Gwyn on her endeavor- even if it meant telling her mate that he would be eating dinner alone that night (and based on how flushed Nesta seemed when she returned to meet Gwyn at the top of the steps, Gwyn figured that there was a promise made about what would be happening later because of it).
Handing her one of the glasses of water, Nesta let out a rasp of a laugh between her breaths, slightly quieter than Gwynâs own as she had been doing this escapade a lot longer. âTo be fair, youâre the one that asked to join- I just gladly accepted the company.â Gwyn gulped down the glass of water, setting it back down on the step as she watched it disappear within the next few seconds. Glancing over at Nesta as she leaned back on the steps she asked, âso youâre telling me we just walked down five hundred steps only to walk back up five hundred steps? Isnât going up harder?!â Nesta smiled as she set down her own glass and watched it disappear.
âYes, but to be fair when I started this, feeling the pain of the burn in my legs and lungs was easier than dealing with the pain up here.â Nesta tapped her temple, signifying a feeling that Gwyn knew all too well. Gwyn glanced away to avoid Nestaâs eyes as her own filled with a grief that few understood, looking now to the still far away rooftops of the city of Velaris, gleaming brightly under the moonlight and stars. A steady silence filled with only their labored breathing settled around the two sisters, thought not uncomfortable.
âYouâll get there you know.â Nesta comments quietly after enough time had past for them to catch their breaths. Gwyn swallowed, stifling the nervousness of even broaching the topic of being somewhere that people could see her- judge her- for what she has done, for who she is, for what happened. Sure, everyone said that the City of Starlight was a home for those who had experienced the hard things as she had, but there was something about being under scrutiny of people other than those who knew her that had her standing up and deciding not to answer Nesta, but instead slowly start the climb back up the five hundred steps. After about ten steps, she realized Nesta was still sitting down, looking over Velaris-her home.
âYou coming?â Gwyn asked softly, pausing long enough to hear Nesta sigh and respond
âIâm actually going to keep going. Itâs been a while since Iâve been out here, I figure I should try to catch up with my old pace.â Gwyn nodded, wishing Nesta a good night as she started the ascent back up to the training ring at the top of the House of Wind.
~
Five hundred steps later, Gwyn decided that maybe joining Nesta on the steps hadnât been her greatest idea in the world. Sure, training had become second nature (though her body at times still protested the movements and weapon wielding), but the stamina that she needed to get through the stairs was something that Gwyn wasnât sure sheâd ever be able to have. For cauldronâs sake, she had to be carried like a sack up Ramiel, and didnât even earn the ability to say that she worked for her new found rank of warrior.
Collapsing at the top of the steps and breathing heavily, Gwyn flipped onto her back as her eyes focused on the specks of starlight above her, faded from the faelight coming off of the house of wind. She took a deep breath in through her nose. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. And released it through her mouth. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Again, a second time. Then a third time, her wandering mind and sporadic heart rate slowing with each Mind Stilling breath that was taken.
Closing her eyes, Gwyn kept breathing. Thoughts within her head quieted as her pointed ears sharpened their hearing to her surroundings instead of the pain of the past experiences and the pain within her legs. A soft wind swirled through the training ring, rattling a few of the posts on the outside of it just enough for the whisper to catch Gwynâs attention. A spark or two every couple of second from the faelight that was burning above the entrance to the house sounded through the whisper of the wind, a pulsing melody that seemed to beckon Gwyn closer to the beat of the House that Nesta had once tried to explain to her.
Gwyn focused on that music and pulled herself back into her own mind, beginning to assess her pain and her thoughts, acknowledge them, and then imagined herself pulling each twinge of pain, each thought of being lesser than, each moment of not being enough⊠she imagined herself pulling each of those strands out of herself and out onto the melodic strings of the world that surrounded her. And as she imagined that, she took another breath and allowed her mind to focus itself on whatever it needed to drift to tonight.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours had passed before Gwynâs mind focused on a new sound that had appeared as suddenly as silence that followed the end of a symphony. Deciding to pull herself back in before something disrupted her mind stilling, Gwyn folded her fingers into her hands and then released, grasping the ground underneath her as she marked herself back down into her thoughts and herself. Taking one final breath, Gwyn opened her eyes and found herself staring at darkness. Startled, she tried to figure out if she had fallen asleep while Mind Stilling (as had happened many times before) and if the faelight sparking she had heard earlier had been the light going out. But as she reached out in front of her and the darkness scattered away to show the still shining starlight, she realized as she sat up that shadows had gathered around her.
Gwyn giggled through a gentle breath, scooting up into a kneeling position as the shadows scurried a bit further away and swirled as if watching her. Smiling softly, she gave a slight wave at the shadows before they darted up into the sky, leaving only one small shadow behind as if it were waiting for something.
No, not waiting for something, waiting for someone, Gwyn realized as the sound of wings filled the air around her shortly after the shadows had disappeared. The last remaining shadow moved towards her, curling around one of the lose strands of coppery hair that had fallen out of the braid she had worn to descend the steps in. Gwyn looked down at the shadow before then looking up, just in time to see an Illyrian warrior with blue siphons attached at the backs of his hands land in the training ring across the opening from her.
Part 2 coming soon!
A/N: Hey guys! My name is Jen, and I'm a college student who's a little bit obsessed with Gwyn and Azriel as a pairing right now. I (as a fellow ginger) loved Gwyn's character and her story, and have loved Az since I read ACOMAF in 2016. Honestly, I don't know about you guys, but I just can't sit still waiting for SJM to write another book and release it three years from now without hearing about Gywnriel, so please enjoy my attempt at continuing their story past ACOSF. Of course, I can't just throw Elain outta the plot so she'll be in here too, which means a fair dose of angst amongst our favs. I don't know how long this is going to get- but I hope you'll be here with me to see it through and hold me accountable to the story. Hope you all enjoy!
