Vent Stuff

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[howlsnteeth]

[thepeoplewhisper]

fun Mentally Ill feels

just. boredom. all of the time.

is that a real sound or????

okay nobody’s in the house… better check 5 more times better safe than sorry

is anybody ever not watching me??

*accidentally ignores best friend for 2 years* oops

Crying all of the time. somebody’s mean??? Cry. somebody tries to comfort you???? Cry harder.

*memorises a list of facts about myself so i’m never caught out when someone asks a question*

did i do that thing today or yesterday?? did i even do it at all???

oh sorry?? what did you say??? we’re doing something out of routine today???? oh well guess it’s time to dowse myself in gasoline

how much do you think it would hurt to stab myself??? a lot???

i’m listening i swear i just cannot understand a singe word you’re saying

“hey can you do this thing?” “yeah sure hang on” *sits and dissociates for 20 minutes*

“smile!” well i would but i literally cannot move my face

this is not a situation in which i should be laughing

seriously you wanna cry NOW?!

*googles how many painkillers it would take to kill someone* fascinating

yes i know its socially Unacceptable to wear these clothes on this occasion, but, listen-

oh, you’re hungry?? well, you’re not allowed to eat that food, people will hate you if you eat that, that’s poisoned and that’s out of date-

oh someone’s mad at me?? guess i better just. starve myself. maybe if i walk out into the road it’ll make them feel better??

ah yes. i am Sick. waiting for death.

selective empathy

social burnout

oh i thought about something?? guess it’s never gonna happen now

wait…. who am i again???

oh that’s right. i am The Void.

*daydreams about bad things happening to me* this is fine

okay, but, everyone’s out to get me

i need to be More Mentally Ill

there’s someone in the room. i can’t see them, but i know they’re there okay i can feel them-

Ah Yes. The Bugs.

what is Time

what do you MEAN its not raining i can see the rain???

when ur brain is literally gibberish

ah yes nice and confident- *sees a person* -on second thought you know what-

*psychs myself up to move*

i’m pretty sure i’m literally bleeding out right now why am i not dead yet

maybe i am dead. is that it?? am i dead????

when ur talking to someone and half way through a sentence your energy levels drop to 0

“hey i’ve got this problem can you help me out??” “…i don’t give a shit about you”

what do you mean you can be interested in more than one thing at a time????

oh shit. that was embarrassing. better just embarrass myself more to drown it out-

i’m literally not in control of my own body

why is everyone my age so much older than me???

i’m too Small for this

[i-am-drinking-your-milkshake]

AMEN- ALWAYS REBLOG

[purby-purble-deactivated2020050]

ok to rb i guess

[dappermouth]

[howlsnteeth]

and if nothing else can change me, and i am just this way– would you love me?

[hostilesuggestion]

be honest all you wanted was someone who would never call you out on your bullshit i mean come on it was about as subtle as an airhorn

[littlestpersimmon]

but I always thought you were cool

[skittish-sensitivity]

i hate how my OWN feelings are out to hurt me too, even when you arent here to do it yourself

[actuallymentallyillart]

hi i cant seem to find your FAQ page on mobile

BYF

FAQ

[pdmori]

[actuallymentallyillart]

Are you okay?

somewhat

[unsenttextsuggestion]

I'm honestly happy that we're done. Everyone can tell I'm happier now, I love you but you were dragging me down more than I even realised -✖

[esoteric-aesthetic-lyrics]

Psycho - Lauren Aquilina

[actuallymentallyillart]

cassette50 replied to your post “yeah the entire concept of a FP originated online because its super...”

thanks for this post. i used to be around someone who saw me as their "fp" and always expected me to be their therapist even though im mentally ill too. they ended up doing a 180 when they realised i was a human being with feelings and would accuse me of being manipulative and abusive

in any case i wish having a "fp" wasnt so glorified on this website and that people would adopt better coping mechanisms instead of idealizing people and expecting them to fix everything wrong in their life

You’re not the only one who has been through that. Pretty much everyone I know who has been an “FP” to someone has gone through that and been abused.

One of the main things I hate about this website is how you can’t remotely say that people with BPD (usually self diagnosed let’s be real here) can be abusive A LOT because then you’re “ableist” because “ITS OUR SYMPTOMS WE CANT HELP IT UWU” like yes you can. With DBT, counselling/therapy, and treatment.

“I cant help it ur my FP uwuu i cant help these feelings UR MY FP” immediately traps a person into a relationship that they do not want under the risk of being “ableist” or “toxic.

I doubt you were being manipulative or abusive because that in itself is them gaslighting you and being abusive ironically lol.

[actuallymentallyillart]

yeah the entire concept of a FP originated online because its super easy to isolate yourself online and then focus solely on one person as your Everything

and many people who are prof diagnosed (key words here) with BPD Do Not use the term in the slightest and understand how unhealthy and toxic it is. and many therapists who know of the term discourage such behaviors.

but like… i feel as if people dont talk about the other side of things enough. they always talk about how THEYVE been abused or “abandoned” by their FP… or they think its “ableist” to say that forcing someone to be your FP is toxic as fuck. when its not ableist.

as someone who is severely cluster b, i can completely sympathize with people who are guilt tripped into being someone’s fp. yknow might sound harsh but ever think that ur fp “abandoned” you because they themselves felt too scared of you to leave? or that you unknowingly forced them/guilt tripped them to be ur fp?

its not ableist to say “hey im being hurt A Lot by your actions and you need to stop. im not your fp” and if your response to that is “uwu but its not a choice!! uwu ur my fp and i cant help it i cant help it uwwu UR MY FP” then yeah. thats toxic. thats borderline abuse because its forcing someone to engage in a type of relationship with you that they do not want, and its gross.

it’s also incredibly toxic because it’s placing your own potential mental disorder above someone else’s mental health. many people CANT be a “fp” because of their own health issues.

no one talks about that side enough because tumblr is hell with these things and the moment you say that doing such things is toxic, youll get screamed at and called “ableist”

— a severely cluster b person lol

[toopunktofuck]

this may be a ~hot take~ but the extremely online concept of a Favorite Person (i.e. FP) in BPD communities is very toxic and unhealthy and its really disheartening to see it spread the way it is, because while it looks like helpful terminology on the surface it without a doubt has helped foster toxic relationship dynamics. Every single relationship I’ve had that meets the colloquial definition of having an FP has ended with me being abused and devastated, and putting a name to it and acting like it absolutely cannot be helped is kinda dangerous

[summersweeet]