val

any pronouns mostly glee textposts and whatnot but will occasionally write fics :) @runonsentencebandit on ao3

[pastygay2]

The only unicorns to ever exist

[kaijuerotica]

we're firmly in the jason part of the year now

[kaijuerotica]

the jason part of the year

[adankrivervalleynearyou]

glee characters as tiktok comments I've found

[head-in-clouds333]

emma pillsbury is hot idgaf anymore

[lenosvcker]

i bring a sort of "blam is better than klaine" vibe to the glee fandom that most people don't really like

[ghostinthebathroom]

I had a dream about Columbo at a drag show. This is what came from it.

[somewhere-south-of-neutral]

I'm waiting for him to explain to me how his newfound love of drag allowed him to prove I killed my business partner

[adankrivervalleynearyou]

happy father's day to Burt Hummel and no one else

[adankrivervalleynearyou]

glee characters as stuff in my notes app 2

[doyoulikedem]

Concept

[adankrivervalleynearyou]

glee characters as stuff in my notes app

[adankrivervalleynearyou]

[twilightofthesandwiches]

[fabledspring]

Shock Treatment + funny text posts I've collected

Part 5/?

[the-jason-todd-impreganator]

"Batman birthed all his Robin's" but Dick gaslit himself (and othere) into believing it was true to some extent.

—

Dick, eight years old, staring a reporter in the eye: What?

Reporter: Rumor has it that Bruce Wayne and Batman have been seen together.

Dick: Well DUH!

Dick: Batman gave birth to me :)

Bruce, choking on his drink in the background:

—

Later, Jason sitting in Dick's apartment, playing a video game: Any reason reporters think Batman and Bruce are dating?

Dick, not paying any attention: Didn't he give birth to you?

Jason: ???? What the F*CK!?

—

Much later, Jason being told Catherine wasn't his bio Mom before seeing his birth certificate: Oh my god. Batman gave birth to me.

—

Bruce: I'm fine, Nightwing.

Dick: Sure you aren't pregnant again?

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Dick: You really gotta start using protection.

—

Dick, half asleep during movie night: Can't believe you slept with Willis Todd.

Jason, a full adult: Both my Dad's are hoes.

Bruce: . . .

—

Timbin: Hi, Mr. Nightwing Robin Dick Grayson Sir!!! I'm Tim Drake—

Dick: I KNEW BRUCE SLEPT WITH JACK DRAKE!!!

Timbin: . . . Clearly you're still deeply affected by the death of Jason Todd.

—

Tim, after spending a week with Dick: . . . Dad?

Jack: Yes, son?

Tim: Did Bruce Wayne give birth to me?

Jack:

Jack: Are you doing drugs with Ives??

—

Stephanie:

Dick: I—

Stephanie: Make the joke and I'll make sure you lack your namesake.

Dick: Understood.

—

Tim, walking into the cave: Alfred said Bruce won't be patrolling tonight. I think he was complaining about stomach cramps.

Dick: All the pregnancies really did a number on him.

Jason: Probably Tim's fault, on his medical records it said he was born nearly ten pounds.

Dick: What happened, Tim?! You're so tiny now.

Jason: To bad he didn't consider abortion.

Tim: I wish he aborted you!

Jason: He probably tried to abort you! Your a#& just dodged the hanger.

Tim: Maybe you should've taken note and dodged that crowbar.

Dick: Guys, stop making abortion and death jokes! But to be technical I was the easiest pregnancy—

Damian: WHAT IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT?!

Tim, grinning at Jason:

Jason, clearing his throat: I think it's time you found this out Damian...

Dick, dramatically placing a hand on Damian's shoulder: Bruce gave birth to us all.

Damian:

Damian: What?

Jason: Think about it. Who would be insane enough to not abort Tim?

Damian: . . . Father.

Tim: Do you really think Talia Al Ghul would spend nine months undergoing the hardships of pregnancy?

Damian: I . . . No . . . Wait . . .

Dick: Jason didn't die searching for his birth Mother, Dami.

Jason, trying not to laugh: The Joker was jealous that he wasn't the Father, Damian. He killed me because I wasn't his.

Damian: You're all liars!

Jason: It's true! Batman and The Joker were in a very committed relationship!

Dick: My Dad is actually the Joker.

Damian: . . . what .

Dick: Who do you think gave me my love of the circus, Dames?

Tim: It was before the acid incident, obviously.

Jason: Batman cheated on him, that's how I was born.

Damian: . . . Batman gave birth to me?

Tim: Batman gave birth to all of us, Damian.

Duke, in the background: I am not a part of this!

—

Damian, the next time he meets with Talia: Mother?

Talia: Yes, my heart?

Damian: Is it true that Grayson was the Joker and Batman's child and that Todd was born out of wedlock from Batman which is what led to him being murdered and their divorce and that Timothy was birthed by Batman from an affair and that you got Batman pregnant and he also birthed me?

Talia, taking his face in her hands:

Talia: I wasn't supposed to tell you until you were older.

—

Bruce: Dick, Jason?

Dick: Yeah, B?

Jason: What?

Bruce: Can you please stop telling your siblings elaborate stories regarding me birthing them?

Jason: No.

Dick: What? No harm no foul!

Bruce, inhaling sharply: Damian beat the Joker within an inch of his life today, screaming "Why couldn't you love Todd as your own?" And then, as he was being taken to Arkham, shouted, "Do you know what the divorce did to Grayson!?"

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce: Tim still thinks I slept with his Father.

Jason: Didn't you?

Bruce: Jason.

Jason: Bruce.

Dick: Okay, so, maybe it's a little bit out of hand...

Bruce: Damian think you're a child of divorce between me and the Joker! Harley Quinn keeps asking why the Joker didn't even get weekends with you!

Jason: Maybe you should've thought about that before getting the divorce.

Bruce: Jason. Peter. Todd. Wayne.

Dick: Look, B, it's not that bad! It's funny. Dami will grow up and realize it was a stupid prank.

Jason: The story bits yeah.

Bruce: . . . Jay, what do you mean the story bits?

Jason: He'll still know you birthed us all.

Bruce:

Dick:

Dick: Jason. You know that Sheila is the one who actually gave birth to you, right?

Jason:

Jason: Dick. You told me that you picked out my middle name.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Dick: Now you're f*cking with us.

Jason: I could be. I could not be. But either way, betrayal happened in this room tonight.

Bruce: Dick.

Dick: Okay, fine, I'll stop telling people you birthed us and let the Joker raw dog you...

—

Meanwhile, many years earlier, the one time a reporter interacted with Alfred:

Alfred: I birthed the boy myself! I do believe I am fit to be his caretaker!

[kiirbystar]

tim, walking into damian's room : "hey damian have you seen my— oh my fucking god you're watching yuri on ice."

damian, curled into a blanket ball in front of his laptop : "GET OUT OF MY ROOM TIMOTHY YUURI AND VIKTOR ARE ENGAGED."

tim : "what time period are we in. what year is it. I didn't even know you liked this stuff. what."

damian : "oh my god he took off his glove DRAKE GET OUT NOW"

tim : "okay, yeah, leaving. good luck."

damian : "what do you mean good—VIKTOR PUT THE RING ON YUURI OH MY GOD"

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

i got a fucking. advertisement on youtube. from google ai. saying. without sarcasm and with complete sincerity. "if shakespeare is too hard for you, you can always have our ai explain it to you." im gonna throw up. im gonna throw a molotov cocktail. if i see that ad again im reporting it for hate speech. how fucking dare you. i will kill you with my bare hands. with my exit pursued by a bear hands. i will tear google headquarters down brick by brick. im going to start biting people.

[mushed-kid]

i love sebastian he just shows up, serves face, tries homewrecking, is evil for no apparent reason and then he disappears