a particularly bad shift ends with you in tears and Trinity scrambling to make it right.
trinity santos x f!reader
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synopsis. Trinity liked you, probably more than she should and in a way that made her chest tighten and cause breathing problems. she could also be mean
warnings/tags. MDNI, mean!santos, (followed by), incredibly guilty!santos, protective trinity, medical inaccuracies, reader is referred to by she/her, reader is a resident, hurtful words, anxiety attacks, patient death, blood, needles, grievous injury, idiots in love, requited love, trinity is an idiot, emotional constipation, suicide jokes, brief suicidal ideations
a/n requests are always open, i write for multiple fandoms so i plan on making a rules/requests page for your convenience but i havenât just yet. if youâre specifically interested in requesting for pitt characters i write for all of them, that includes the women ofc, i love my ladies đ«Š
your first impression of Trinity Santos wasnât exactly flattering.
it was your second shift in the pitt, and practically downpour outside the hospital walls as you scrambled to keep up with the work load. MVC, only 2 hours into the day, all hands on deck.
you were practically scurrying around the nurses station trying to discharge patients as quick as possible, free up some beds, move others to the hall if possible.
jackson peterson can go to the hall. heâs stable enough, plus he just finished getting iv fluids half and hour ago.
mrs richardson is good to go home, she just needs her paperwork.
kelly anderson is still waiting for CT but sheâs stable, vitals are good, she can sit in the hall via wheelchair.
you pause, brows pushing together as you try to think back on what else dr robby had asked of you.
you turn, feet on a swivel without a glance.
âwatch it hun,â dana.
sheâs passing you right as your shoulder nearly collides with hers, and although her voice is strict her eyes are soft, amused beneath her glasses. noted. look both ways.
âi hope we get something good,â santos jogs to catch up with you, elbows bumping as you exit to the ambulance bay where you can already hear the distance sirens incoming, âdibs. watch and learn.â
sheâs cynical, you can tell by the edge in her voice and the way she doesnât bother to glance your way. rude. you didnât even catch her first name, she didnât even ask for yours. double rude.
your eyes narrow, about to retort at the brunette when suddenly your eyeline has gone vertical, hands shooting out as your body loses momentum, shoes squeaking against the rainwater.
one minute youâre approaching your attending, and the next your ass is smacking hard against the pavement. if your tailbone was sentient it would be cussing, a dull throb crawling up your spine.
the worst youâd get is a bruise if it wasnât for the eyes that have followed you down, a few ooos and damnâs coming from your colleagues that make your ego shrink beyond repair.
âoh my g-, that was,â santos. sheâs still beside you, maybe a few steps ahead but sheâs now doubled over in laughter, clutching her stomach like itâs so funny it hurts, âthat was beautiful.â
mohan is already at your side, brows pinched in concern, a hand extending to aid you. you take it gracefully, as gracefully as someone who just embarrassed herself front of her higher upâs can manage. youâre pulled to a stand, groaning low at the soreness presenting itself across your ass. you would rub at the pain if it wouldnât make you look even more like a moron.
âŠand santos is still laughing, so much so youâre positive you can see tears in her eyes. okay it wasnât that funny.
âmy day is made, nothing can top that,â sheâs acting like you didnât get hurt, granted itâs a superficial bruise of an injury but still, have some decency, âthanks for the show, slip.â
you were there when javadi collapsed. in fact you managed to catch her halfway to the ground. you remember the way santos rolled her eyes, arms crossed like it was an inconvenience.
you were there when she prodded at poor victoria and thus crowned her, âcrashâ. but javadi was a student still, passing out happens all the time for them. you were a resident, technically an equal to santos, both interns, both R1âs. and now what, youâve been demoted by someone on the same level as you to slip?
itâs not even a creative nickname.
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âhead in the clouds slip? or just running on fumes.â two hands grasp at your shoulders with a jolt, theyâre off in a second but the way it shocks you out of your stupor lasts. you turn just as the short ponytail of brunette hair flicks to the opposite side of you. trinity leans against the counter of the nurses station beside you, a look on her face that says tell me all.
you sigh half heartedly, ignoring the way you can still feel the warmth of her palms against your shoulders, turning to face her.
âjust thinking about the first time we met.â you chuckle, itâs a funny memory now thankfully. trinity eyes you for a second, you swallow, slightly shrinking under her gaze.
âoh yeah,â she says it like sheâs too cool to think about it, lips pursing in a way that tells you sheâs actually holding back a smile, âand you ignored me for weeks after.â
you snicker. yeah, you remember that part too.
however it wasnât because you were mad per say, more because of the embarrassment you felt whenever you saw her⊠okay and you were a little mad.
âiâve grown to appreciate your comments, no matter how annoying they can be.â you tease, nose wrinkling to really emphasize your point. trinity scoffs but the look in her eyes doesnât change, gaze locked with yours.
âplus if i didnât put up with you,â you lean in, mischievous grin creeping onto your lips, you miss the way trinitys throat bobs as you invade her personal space, âyouâd be all alone.â
itâs a jab you know is a lie, and so does she, but you still chuckle as you grab your patients chart from the counter and briskly pass her.
the hum of the er drones.
youâre oblivious to the way her body turns towards yours as you leave, like itâs magnetized, green eyes following your frame until you turn the corner and disappear from sight.
trinity sinks forward into the counter, a harsh breath leaving her lips as she plants her elbows and places cheek to palm.
âam i intruding?â trinityâs head snaps up, eyes falling on dana now sitting across the desk. sheâs looking over the glasses perched on her nose, a knowing smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth.
âdo i sense tension?â samira smiles as she approaches, handing a chart off to dana. sheâd seen the interaction, sheâs seen all of them. her and dana exchange knowing looks as trinityâs back straightens, face sinking into an expression that reads âi have no idea what you meanâ.
âiâm gonna get details on the nun with syphilis.â trinity turns to leave, not bothering to address the two women.
âgonorrhea.â dana corrects without a glance up.
âââââââââââââââââââââââââ
âhow do you put up with it?â
you look up to find victoria standing in the doorway of the break room, hands wringing awkwardly. you pause, sandwich halfway to your mouth.
âuh, context?â you laugh, placing your lunch back down on its wrapper as victoria takes the empty seat across from you.
âsantos. sheâs, pretty mean,â she continues, that uncomfortable look on her face that just screams victoria javadi, staring into your eyes, âlike, how do you deal with that stuff.â
youâre not sure how to answer that. you just donât really mind. for whatever reason.
âhuh, iâve never put too much thought into it,â you ponder, the question sheâs asking now sparking your own interest, âi think itâs just her way of communicating.â
âunfortunately.â you chuckle, watching how victoria shifts in her seat. you can tell she wants to say more, itâs like sheâs holding a jumpy frog in her mouth.
you glance up and down, taking in the way she clutching her lavender jacket closer around her body like a safety blanket.
âyou want me to talk to her?â that gets victorias attention, her eyes widening like a frightened puppy put on the spot. her hands shoot up in mock surrender, palms waving.
âno, thatâs not necessary,â she replies, tone a little panicked and speaking quicker than youâve ever heard her.
âi wonât mention this conversation, iâll make it seem like it was all me,â you continue, nodding, âi wonât throw you under the bus.â
victoria pauses, hands falling into a clasp on the table.
âum, sure. if youâre cool with that.â she goes to stand, smiling in that way she does where her lips slightly curl into her teeth. you pick up your sandwich, ignoring the dollop of mayo that drops onto your thumb.
then she pauses again, freezing for a minute at the doorway before angling herself so she can address you properly.
âshe still calls you slip.â she says, voice a tad softer than before.
âiâve grown to like it.â
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âdid you hear about the guy in chairs whoâs eye popped out of the socket?â was the last thing you wanted to hear as you took a sip of lukewarm, watered down coffee shen had offered you before he left.
you swallowed with a grimace as trinity stuck her phone in your face, zoomed in on a picture you can only imagine she took in an effort to make you puke. you shove the device away from your face, face screwing up as trinity just laughed like it was the best thing in the world.
âew. gross trin.â you suck in a breath, watching trinity eye the picture again before slipping her phone in her back pocket.
âyouâve definitely seen worse,â she quips, leaning her backside against the nurses desk, looming over you like a dark cloud as you sit in the chair dana always claimed. you were just keeping it warm for her, âi didnât take you for a lightweight, slip.â
if your eyes rolled any further back youâd lose them.
âiâm not, but come on i was eating.â you nod to the dunkin cup in your hand, trinity follows your eye-line, landing on the few inches of âcoffeeâ left.
âyou donât eat coffee, babe.â
you freeze before your lips can wrap around the orange straw again, hand unknowingly gripping the plastic cup harder. your eyes are on the counter beside trinitys hip, blinking like a moron.
your lashes flutter, eyes glancing up to land on the woman mere feet from you. a harsh breath escapes your throat when you take in the way sheâs seemingly frozen as well, if you just lean in a bit closer you can faintly see what appears to be a pink hue coloring her ears.
âthatâs a new one.â you cough.
âshut up,â trinity squeezes her eyes shut, running a firm hand across her face. you follow the movement.
she opens her eyes to glance down at you, and you suddenly feel very small under her gaze, the fact youâre sitting down and sheâs standing doesnât help the situation. nor does it calm the racing of your heart or the fuzziness in your brain.
âum, i-,â trinity starts, the stutter in her voice catching you off guard in a way thatâs concerning. however sheâs cut off by a frazzled whitaker appearing out of thin air, body practically collapsing while still standing before the two of you.
heâs huffing like he ran a marathon, however you know for a fact the two patients rooms heâs been managing are both only several meters away.
âalien hand syndrome.â he announces it like the two of you are supposed to have a clue what heâs referring too. you and trinity lock eyes, she shrugs and it makes you smile.
âhuckleberry, you donât have to make up excuses for why i caught you jerking it the other day,â trinitys arms cross, leaning further into the desk. that gets a laugh out of you, even though you feel slightly bad at the way dennisâs face drops.
his face says ânot this againâ.
âtrin.â you chuckle, bringing the coffee back to your lips.
âwhat? no!â dennis waves his hands like heâs been accused of a crime, like heâs in defensive mode or fight or flight and heâs about to book it down the hall. how can someone look so much like a soggy, depressed napkin?
âmy patient, mr davidson? he was brought in for causing a disturbance at the gym down the street,â he continues while shaking his head like sheâs waiting for trinity to keep her joke going, her silence is worrying, âhe has alien hand syndrome, iâve never seen it in person.â
he seems both parts greatly excited and deeply confused. typical dennis. trinity looks back to you, brows raising when she catches your eye, then back to dennis.
she snorts a laugh through her nose.
âitâs okay, we all need time for ourselves.â
whitaker takes a breath, eyes falling shut.
âis that what you named your penis?â okay. she just says things in a certain way that you find so funny. you choke on a laugh, smacking a hand against trinitys knee as she just smiles at dennis, you donât notice the way her eyes occasionally glance towards you.
âwho named their penis?â oh my god. robby walks up from behind you, crossing his arms in a way that mirrors trinity. he looks amused, however you can also see the urge to reprimand the three of you sitting behind his eyes. your back straightens like youâve been struck by lightning.
âdennis.â you respond calmly, holding back the howl you want to let out at the way dennisâs soul appears to leave his body. trinity seems to be doing the same, hunched over with her shoulders trembling.
robby eyes the three of you. he shakes his head like a disappointed father. you think you see a brand new wrinkle form on his forehead in real time.
âdo i have to say it?â he says, hands on his hips.
you grab trinitys hand, standing to her left as you use your free hand to pick up the chart youâd been using earlier.
ânope! in fact labs are back so weâll be on our way,â you tug trinity with you, past whitaker who looks like a kicked puppy, âiâll let you know when mrs martin is discharged!â
you drag trinity along with you, grinning without teeth towards robby one last time as you leave the nurses station.
âum, weâre not on the same case?â trinity whispers, leaning so close you can feel how her breath tickles your ear.
âwe just needed to get out of there, robby had that look on his face.â
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itâs been an awful day. thereâs no other way to spin it. youâve had patients die, youâve had your hands on them as theyâve taken their last breath. youâve seen children die, so young it hurts your soul and makes you find yourself on the roof. youâve had belligerent patients, family, youâve been shoved and hassled by people in chairs.
but thatâs the job. and maybe thatâs what it is, without a break in so long you slowly sink into the hopelessness of it all. thankfully you can go home at the end of the day, most times at least, flop onto bed still in your scrubs and just try to forgot. but it still takes a toll.
as you stare down at the blood coating your gloved hands, it draws your attention to the red bleeding through your scrubs into the clothes beneath. itâs tacky and growing cold, the edges of crimson around your shoes browning to a rust color.
your fingers tremble, bottom lip quivering. youâve cried before on shift, it happens. it just always sucks.
âyou did a great job.â mohan is beside you, you feel the steadiness of her palm plant on your shoulder. sheâs always been kind, she always knows what to say, and yet this time her words fail to ease back the panic in your stomach.
âhe still died,â you say it as a fact. his body is still only a few feet away, mckay is currently covering his face with a sheet. red bleeds through, âwhatâs the point if they just die.â
âsometimes no matter what you do, and no matter how good you are, they still donât make it,â samira states, you canât bring yourself to look at her, âitâs not a failure on our part.â
but it still stings. you canât help the shaky breath that leaves your lips, shoulder moving in a way that lets samira know you appreciate the gesture but donât want to be touched. she listens, grip falling from you.
âhow much longer is your shift?â mckay asks and as she approaches, you can see the sympathy all over her face. something about it makes you uneasy. why would she feel bad for you? you didnât die. he did.
â3 hours,â you reply, but itâs hollow, concerning. samira and cassie exchange a look, âiâll be fine.â
and itâs the truth. you will be fine, youâre always fine. itâs just difficult sometimes, doesnât mean you canât pull yourself out.
âhow about you clean up and then get some fresh air before returning, okay?â cassie tells you, and you can tell sheâs telling, not asking, âiâll let robby know. heâll understand.â
you donât bother arguing, just nod quietly as mckay motions for you to leave the room first. you do so in silence, head hanging a bit more than usual.
mckay and mohan give you another once over before dispersing.
you tug the gloves off your hands, tossing them in a nearby waste disposal bin, thereâs a bit of blood near your wrists, having soaked in right below your sleeves. just as you turn to walk outside and follow the instructions youâd been given, you feel someone flick the back of your head.
you turn, coming face to face with trinity. her eyes widen, and for a second you think something reassuring is about to leave her mouth. you could use a hug from her, make just a pat on the back. someone you trust, someone you like, someone youâŠ
your heart sinks when she smirks.
âdamn carrie, who came in with the pigs blood?â itâs funny. really, itâs a good reference, it makes sense, if you saw her like this youâd probably say the same. but her words lodge in your ribs and wiggle up into your chest cavity in a way that makes you want to lurch over and lose your lunch.
you can feel how your face drops further, unfortunately for you, trinity was looking at your once white sneakers now red, when it did.
âseriously, did you actually kill someone on purpose?â she shuffles closer. eyes narrowing like sheâs analyzing you, waiting for you to reveal a knife or chainsaw. you shake your head half heartedly, trying to muster up a smile.
âno.â you say it with a tone so forlorn you can see how trinitys brows furrow slightly, like sheâs a bit taken aback.
âyeah, no shit,â normally her laughter would brighten your day, make a bad shift good. but right in this moment, you wanted nothing more than to hear it stop, âi donât think iâve ever seen you cry.â
she chuckles like thatâs supposedly funny. you suck in a breath, you can feel the heat behind your eyes returning.
dammit. donât cry. not now.
âcome on, i thought you werenât as sensitive as the others,â you know sheâs trying to be funny. you can recognize it in her tone, you know her. sheâs not trying to be malicious but man, sheâs really making this worse for you. this is the last thing you needed.
you can feel your pulse pick up, the shake in your legs coming back full force. you need to get away from all of this, itâs embarrassing, you donât want her to see you like this, itâs not her fault.
itâs not her fault, so why do her words hurt so much?
âscrubs exchange.â is all you can get out without it sounding like youâre about to burst into tears, keeping your voice calm and level. hopefully she gets the message as you move to scurry past her, shoulders brushing at the close proximity.
trinity can feel her smile droop, thrown off by your behavior. did she go too far? no, if you actually felt bad youâd tell her. you know you can trust her, right? her mouth opens and closes, trying to find the words.
her thoughts are begging her, she wants to grab your arm, pull you back in. but she doesnât, because if you were really, actually feeling upset, youâd tell her.
so she turns before you get far, jogging to catch up with you. maybe if she can make you laugh youâll tell her you were just messing with her, it was a joke, to see her reaction.
yeah. thatâs probably it.
she places a hand on your arm, pulling it a little as she manages to stop you in your tracks. you stay facing the other direction.
âcome on donât be such a baby, iâm messing with you,â she jokes, chuckling awkwardly like sheâs fixing something, âdonât be so pathetic, slip.â
trinity braces herself for you to shove her, faux anger and whip back with you own retort. you always do, youâre slip, sheâs santos, itâs your thing.
trinityâs smile drops faster than her stomach, like sheâs going to be sick. her grip on your wrist tightens subconsciously, which only furthers to splinter her chest in two when she feels you tug.
and then you rip your arm from her, like her touch has burned you, like you canât stand to be touched by her, like itâs disgusting.
the words die on her tongue when you whip around and sheâs met with something that just utterly destroys her.
your face is blotchy with tears, cheeks swollen, bottom lip riddled with marks where your teeth dug into it, the flesh quivering uncontrollably. rivets of tears spill down your face, washing past and carrying drops of blood that had lingered.
then you made a sound, this soft, heartbreaking, whimper of a sob that thankfully isnât loud enough for any other staff to hear but isnât too quiet that trinity misses it.
trinity can feel her throat go dry, what? no, no no no, why is she crying?
her hands feel clammy, fingers twitching like sheâs resisting balling up her fists, no matter how much she wants to dig her nails into her palms and draw blood.
âwait-,â she sputters, face contorting in fear. whatâs she scared of? please, please donât tell me i just lost her, âdonât cry, i was-,â
âitâs not funny.â you sound so sad so, so sad and she wants to scream. itâs like all the fluorescent lights above trinity are aimed at her. itâs cruel, the way her chest in heaving with heavy breaths she canât seem to catch.
she watches as you wipe at your cheeks with open palms, which does nothing to clear the wetness of your face as more tears fall.
she wants to grab you, hold you, tell you sheâs sorry, probably more sorry than sheâs ever been. sheâs never once felt bad poking and prodding at anyone before, but now? this? she feels as though sheâs staring at the scene of a crime.
her hand is shaking as she reaches out, you have to know sheâs sorry, right? you know her, she would never intentionally make you feel like this. if you could just take her hand, allow her touch, she could prove it to you.
all the movement does is cause you to take an unsteady step back, then another.
âjust, leave me alone, santos.â and youâre turning on your heel again, pretty much speed walking as fast as you can away without getting told to slow down.
trinity stands with her had frozen mid air, fingers extended like an idiot.
her hand drops to her side, balling into a fist.
god. why do her eyes sting so much.
santos. you called her santos
not trinity, not trin, not idiot. you hadnât called her santos since youâd first been acquainted, since the time period where youâd do anything to avoid her. she never wants to go back to that time, not after knowing you, not afterâŠ
she hangs her head, trying to get a grip, gain her momentum back. she can feel the sweat blossoming across the back of her neck, nervous, shaky. she takes a deep breath, and exhales.
she had to fix this. but how, when you didnât even want to look at her?
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âdo you think if i fling myself hard enough off the roof the impact will kill me instantly?â okay. wow.
whitakers head snaps up, eyes wide and rapidly blinking like heâs trying to rationalize that he didnât actually hear what he thinks trinity just said. his mouth opens, then closes, fingers gripping at the binder in his hands.
âpardon, i, what?â heâs clearly taken aback, still blinking like itâll shed some light.
âmaybe i can blow myself up,â she continues, the serious look on her face fairly concerning, âhospitals have oxygen canisters, itâs possible.â
dennis takes a deep breath, glancing both ways like someone will come and save him from this conversation.
âyouâre, joking right?â he needles in, hoping for the love of all things holy she breaks character and starts cackling like normal. instead she turns to him, face blank with a look of utter defeat. everything trinity is not.
âi fucked up.â she concedes. which is rare for her, so much so dennis does a double take, a little dramatic in a way that would make trinity roll her eyes if she wasnât so damn bothered.
âi made her cry.â she confesses, lowering her voice a bit like anyone else knowing what sheâs done would actually end her.
he says your name as a question.
âiâve made people cry before, nothing badâ, she shakes her head, âbut like, i have.â
sheâs picking at her cuticles, pulling back skin and drawing blood. if itâs painful at all she doesnât let on, stare empty as she looks to the tile floor.
âso whatâs the issue?â
âthe issue is,â she inhales like itâs the last breath sheâll ever take. she wants the earth to swallow her up, maybe if she grovels enough it will, âshe wonât look at me, wonât speak to me.â
âitâs been 3 days.â there it is, whatâs caused the exhaustion to be present on trinitys face. itâs like in these three days, sheâs gone through war.
âeverything feels wrong.â
âmaybe you should talk to her?â dennis tries, all it gets is that same blank look, like obviously, sheâs tried that.
itâs like she has the plague. the day of the incident you finished your shift without looking her in the eye once, which sheâll admit was pretty impressive. even when you ran a code together, you managed to help the patient, stop a major bleeder, speak to her professionally like nothing had happened, and yet after you finished you left the room before she could say your name.
the next day trinity came into the pitt feeling a bit better, obviously you wouldnât still be upset. you had a whole night to think, lament, hate her, get sleep and rest. maybe youâd come up and forgive her, maybe youâd act like nothing had happened. she just needed to know the two of you would be fine.
thatâs until you came in with your coffee, looking well rested, and walked right past her. she watched you walk up to samira and begin chatting. and yeah, you and samira were friends, but youâd never ignored trinity to talk someone else.
however what hurt more wasnât the fact youâd ignored her, it was how happy you looked. samira made a face and said something she couldnât make out and you broke into laughter like it was the best thing youâd ever heard.
she was supposed made you laugh. trinity did. not mohan, not dennis, not dana. not anyone.
yet there you were, treating her like a stranger and fluttering around like you hadnât a care in the world. youâd walked into the break room when she was finishing leftover lasagna, and caught the redness your eyes still had, most likely from the other day. it made her throat tighten, and suddenly she wasnât hungry anymore.
the third day trinity hadnât gotten any sleep. she spent the night rolling from one side to the other, her pillow was warm, her fitted sheet kept popping up, and her thoughts was running a mile a minute.
what if she never speaks to you again?
she jolted into an upright position, heaving like she hadnât just been laying down. no, she couldnât let that happen.
she was knocked from her thoughts by someone clearing their throat. oh yeah, sheâd walked out with javadi to check on chairs and make sure no one had kicked the bucket.
âiâve been here for 4 hours, 4!â the man before them states, having stood up to block their path down the aisle. heâs taller than both of them, chest heaving, eyes wide and bulging.
âwe see patients based on severity, so-,â javadi starts, mouth clamping shut when the man focuses on her, taking a bold step forward.
âsevere? i could have a brain bleed, my heads been fuzzy for hours now and no one wants to do their damn job!â he shouts, now catching the attention of others, the room quieting down at his level of noise.
javadi checks her chart, locates his name, and nods.
âum, so you were seen briefly to rule that out, unfortunately we canât bring you back just yet-,â sheâs cut off again when trinity speaks up, expression like she canât be bothered to deal with this.
âyouâll be seen when youâre seen, if you donât want to wait,â she looks towards the door, angling a thumb at it to catch the manâs attention, âyou can sign an AMA and leave.â
it blunt, itâs honest, and it clearly enrages the man.
âyou know what, bitch-,â
he looks like heâs about to explode on them, hopefully not physically, they would never find out as dana and security come running up from behind.
âokay! okay no,â dana gets between, hands up like sheâs ready to throw a punch if need be, âthatâs what weâre not gonna do here.â
âsir if you canât sit down and be an adult, iâm afraid weâll have to get the police involved.â dana minces no words, glaring the man down like she really needs him to consider his options. thankfully it seems to have worked, his angered expression not leaving, yet he lowers himself back into the seat and crosses his arms. itâs like watching a petulant child get put in timeout.
javadi releases the breath she was holding, leaving back to the double doors to the pitt.
dana has already began speaking with security, pointing out who they need to keep a better watch on.
trinity sighs, and although her shift only started a few hours ago, she just wants to leave. she begins to follow Javadi, looking up from the various shoes of the people in the waiting room before her gaze falls on familiar eyes.
you stand a few yards away, seemingly having arrived with dana seconds ago which she hadnât noticed to due facing the other direction. sheâs ready to see you retreat, go back to treating her like dust under your sofa. but you donât. youâre standing with wide eyes, lips parted like you canât take in air fast enough. and suddenly youâre walking towards her, grabbing her hand before she can ask why, before she can worry youâre just going to say this is the last time youâll ever touch her.
but youâre dragging her back through the doors, away from the noise of people. she can see you glancing around from behind you, like youâre searching for something. then sheâs being yanked into an empty patient room, one that had just been discharged, drops of blood still on the floor.
you release her hand just to turn and yank the curtain shut, pausing after the light from outside dims and the silence becomes overwhelming.
âwhat, were you thinking?â you say before even turning to look at her, and trinity is properly confused, her hand still tingling from where youâd been grabbing her. she felt something like a caged animal all of a sudden, but maybe not seeing as thereâs no where sheâd rather be.
âw-what?â thereâs that stutter again.
itâs your turn now, shifting to face her with an expression sheâs never seen aimed at her before.
âyou just riled up a guy twice your size, not to mention he was already pissed before you even opened your damn mouth!â that makes her jaw drop, brain back to static, confused.
âyou care?â she replies, not snooty, not in a nasty way. she says it smooth, like a saturday morning, like she needs the answer to be yes or sheâll die right here and now.
âof course i care,â you say it like itâs easy, like you couldnât even think of anything else youâd say to that. you donât approach, you just stand their, staring at her like you also share her confusion, âyou think iâd cry over someone i donât care about?â
thatâs a gut punch, and trinity would physically grab her gut if she didnât think it would make her look even more stupid in front of you.
she says it barely above a whisper, eyes casting down like sheâs ashamed. and quite frankly she is, she wouldnât be in this predicament if it wasnât for her and her annoying deflections.
your mouth shuts, processing.
âi didnât like seeing you cry,â she continues, âi actually would rather go my whole life without seeing it again.â
the air feels heavier, weighing down on the both of you.
âespecially considering i was the reason.â she can see the way your face falls at her words, and wishes nothing more than to pull you in and comfort you. but you probably donât want that, especially after she treated you, after she hurt you.
her breathing catches in her throat at the nickname, one you didnât call her often but enough that whenever you did it felt like something real.
âiâm not mad at you.â
âyou have every right to be.â she scoffs, lip curling like she has no right for you to forgive her. sheâs caught off guard however when you take a weary step forward, rocking back and forth as you balance into the motion.
âi was upset, yes, but i was never mad,â she wants believe you but part of her is also jarringly aware that something in her brain wants you to be mad at her. she deserves it, she aimed her remarks at the one person she never wanted to see crumble from them, âmy patient died that day.â
you say it with hesitation, and trinity has to physically hold herself back from approaching you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder, tugging you into her side.
she can see how your throat bobs, inhaling deeply like youâre preparing for a difficult conversation. sheâs ready, ready for you to be done with her. she laughed at you when youâd lost a patient, sheâd made it worse even unintentionally, how do you come back from that?
âi was having a rough week, and i was down,â you sigh, pained at the thought, âiâm sorry.â
trinity blanches. youâre sorry?
âwhat?â she speaks before her brain catches up with her mouth.
you nod, looking forlorn.
âi ignored you, which wasnât very mature,â youâre clearly putting a lot of thought into your words based on the scrunch between your brows, âi think i was embarrassed, that what you said got to me so much.â
you look up at that, finding a conflicted expression plastered across trinitys face. she looks distraught, pieces of hair have fallen from her ponytail to frame her face, she doesnât bother push them back.
âdonât apologize, please,â she whispers, and itâs the more genuine youâve ever heard her, âiâm the one who needs to, please.â
thatâs probably the most youâve ever heard trinity say please and itâs been twice, and aimed both times at you.
âiâm not good at this.â she huffs.
âthis,â she waves a hand between the two of you, âbeing close like this with someone, not wanting to hurt them so badly it makes me feel sick.â
itâs your turn for your breath to catch.
âi never meant to hurt you,â she continues, as if you would start talking again, like you werenât standing there at a loss for words, âiâll never do it again, believe me.â
if anymore desperation were to pour off her sheâd been on her knees, looking up at you and hoping you wouldnât slam the door in her face.
she doesnât know how to do this, apologize, actually be sorry. sheâs felt remorse, sheâs not that emotionally reserved. but this is different, this is you. if she canât talk normally to people her own age, family of patients, how is she supposed to explain how she feels to someone sheâsâŠ
because before her mouth can open again and spew more sorryâs, sheâs pushed against the empty gurney behind her as your body collides with her. itâs warm, the way your hands wrap around her back, pull her weight into yours. your face is shoved in the crook of her neck, breath tickling the hairs at the back of her nape.
her hands shoot out, bracing a second too late and pausing before her brain catches up and sheâs realizes whatâs happening and wraps her own arms around you. her fingers dig into your scrubs, hands gripping at your waist like sheâs scared youâll slip away or disappear or, god forbid, ignore her again.
she can feel the breaths you take as your chest is pressed to hers, she doesnât think sheâs ever been this close to you. it sends her thoughts on a spiral, sheâs so glad, overjoyed that youâve obviously forgiven her but man.
she can feel the heat flood her cheeks, burning her face as if the ac wasnât currently is blasting. her fingers tremble against your body, suddenly too aware of every part of you tucked into her. sheâs happy, the relief she feeling is overwhelming, however the next breath she takes in is shaky.
âi take that as a-,â she wants to joke, make a quip that you didnât stay mad long, how she canât blame you, you must have missed her so much.
until you lean back enough to catch her eye, faces nearly nose to nose, and your head tips forward.
trinitys aware of whatâs happening. how couldnât she be when sheâs thought about this moment for months, unfortunately so often sometimes youâd catch her staring and make a tease about her being oh so in love.
âi canât blame you trin, im just too pretty.â
youâre right, you canât blame her, because thatâs just a fact. a fact running through her mind as the plush warmth of your lips press to hers.
of course she tastes good, sheâs always smelled amazing, this shouldnât be shocking.
but itâs shocking enough that she stumbles a bit, the backs of her thighs catching on the gurney. and oh god, your hand is now in her hair, tugging at the roots, adjusting her back like sheâd go anywhere.
itâs mean how youâd nails rake across her scalp, tongue darting out to lick at the seam of her bottom lip, itâs pure evil.
right as her mouth opens, heart thudding so quick sheâs worried youâd feel it against yours, you pull away.
thereâs a string of spit connecting your lips, your hand swiftly coming up to wipe at the glistening on your chin an breaking the connection.
âi forgive you.â you say it in this soft voice, all casual like you hadnât just rearranged her mind and weakened her self control. she canât help but snort, eyes rolling as her heart continues to race.