tl;dr - i'm moving to a new blog where i'll reblog and post whatever i want freely. if any of you really enjoyed the music i posted or the person i am in general, i'd suggest you follow me. and if not, i totally understand. bye~
where do i begin? i feel like i owe all of you an explanation as to why this came about. i know i don't have to, but i want to. i think leaving without a valid reason or explanation would be rude of me.
i'm constantly changing and growing as a person... and expressing myself has always been big part of my life. i think in some ways having a black and white blog had restricted parts of me i didn't realize until recently. i've been a black and white blog for almost a year, and it wasn't something i had to be or try. it just came naturally. it was... something i really loved and felt was me at the time. eventually i grew tired of simply only black and white pictures, i'd sometimes see an occasional colored picture i wanted to reblog and i'd stop myself. that was the beginning of realizing something was wrong. i shouldn't need to stop myself from reblogging what i want. a lot of you admired my blog, and thought it was very neat and well organized. but after a while it wasn't me anymore. i couldn't look at it and say this is who i am, besides the casual text posts i'd make from time to time along with the quotes i'd reblog as well. i felt a bit of pressure to live up to the standards of who i once was. and i do admit that i am very guilty of wanting to please my followers. i really do care about each and every one of you. -- the pressure came from myself, it was none of you that pressured me to continue doing something i didn't have my heart in anymore. i'm stating it before any of you feel bad. it was my decision and my choice. and for quite some time i was very unhappy with my decision and my choice. i even made a side color blog in hopes that would be just enough. and i found it so difficult to maintain two blogs. i just did not have it in me to run two blogs, and i still don't.
do not get me wrong, i still love black and white photos. i'll always have a very special relationship with them. there is something so classy, so simple and so clean about them. but then here i am thinking.... i am anything but classy, simple and clean. i am a mess, a legit mess. and the mess that i am needs color. it craves color, it needs a mixture of things. it has never been strictly black and white for me, and it will never be. long story short, it's emotionally draining trying to cling on to the things you once were and unable to express the things you are now. i need to do what's right for me, and i need to express myself in a way that i feel is me. it doesn't have to be proper, but it has to be me. i think that is something i've always wanted for myself on tumblr or just in general. i don't care how it looks, but it has to represent me in some way, in some shape or form. -- i am truly sorry if i let any of you down. i know what it's like when one of your favorite blogs decide to leave, or decide to come back completely different than before. i can relate. but i can also relate to why they do it. i also did see a few of you begging me to come back. and i am. i am back. just not in the way you anticipated.
i think the reason why i'm writing this out for you, for the person who is still reading this, and for the person who truly cares is because i've felt a connection with some of you. i've met some really good people on here. and honestly, i'd hate to lose that. i'd hate to lose any of you. i have talked to some of you and it has definitely bloomed into something i'd never thought was possible. this is coming from someone that never expected any sort of attention or looked for making any friends on tumblr. it just happened, and i'm so grateful for that. there's a few of you that i'm still really close to -- while the others... i sort of drifted away from. in a way i'm going to mourn for things that started out with an ending, and i'm also going to mourn for the things that could of been, or what we could have been. the one thing i know all of you can relate to is that we all definitely have issues with coming out of comfort zone. i, for one, am so guilty of that. i personally felt like i lost a lot of good opportunities due to this, let alone great people.
with that being said, i'm going to state something i've always stated since the beginning of my tumblr experience, i'm always here if you need someone to talk to. if you need someone to just simply listen to you, i can also be that person. just because my blog isn't the same as before doesn't mean i'm not the same person with the same thoughts, feelings, or dreams.
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
discoholicmusic
