Does anyone know how I can read stockyardstuck again. I canāt seem to read it and I want to see if it update. If anyone could help me with it I would be really gratefully, I loved that AU so much too.
Ayanna-strong teal blood troll, who wants to help out Signless in his quest for peace. She teams up with her moirail Athena and other friends of Athena to find Signless and help him as best as she can. She has no matesprit or any other quadrant, just moirail. But she does have a flush crush on Signless
Athena-A jade blood and Ayannaās moirail. She is level headed, sometimes but tries to not get herself in those kinds of situations where she doesnāt think straight. She is very protective of her two quadrants her pale and red which is with Cassie. Ā
Cassie-Is a yellow blood, she just has the regular eyes and her psionic powers arenāt that strong. She is moirails with Barron.
Barron-Is a purple blood troll, people are always scared of him but he doesnāt care. He likes it when people see him and run, it gives his instincts a chance to act normal since he doesnāt act like a normal high blooded troll. His matesprit is Nikita
Nikita-Is a rear lime blood troll, she like to stick close to her matesprit Barron who she calls a giant cuddlebeast. Barron is very protective over her, always making sure she is never injured which makes her laugh. She wants to meet Signless in hopes that he can find her and Barron a safe place to live in peace.
āKankri could you please stop talking for now, we all get that you love to go on for ages about triggers and all of this and that, but your starting to get on the humans nerves and Karkat over there doesnāt look to happy.ā
āWell, Mr. Strider over there should have been more aware of the stress he may have caused his friend.ā
āThat doesnāt fucking mean you need to draw attention to our problem you asshole! John and I could have handled this fine by ourselves, we donāt need you butting your dumbass head in every little thing that seems ātriggeringā so how about you leave the rest to us, before you start to bring more attention to something that doesnāt need to be stressed on!ā
āEasy Karkat, Kankri was just trying to help get Dave to understand how we feel on the matter. Thank you Kankri, next time come ask me if you can help out huh?ā
āWhat no! That asshole is never going to be near you again or ever help us out ever!ā
āSure, whatever you say. Come on Karkat, you need to relax for a little while. Letās go home and watch some movies huh?ā
āWhy are you trying to protect him!?ā
āI just want my caring matesprit back, I want to lay down and rest beside my strong, caring matesprit. Is that too much to ask for?ā
āAlā¦alright, letās go home John. You heard him everyone, the show is fucking over! Leave us alone now or Iāll kill you all!ā
My name is Kankri Vantas and it seems that everyone here dislikes my presence near them, even my own dancector doesnāt like me around. I watched everyone disperse and John mouth sorry to me and I give him a soft smile. John is the only one that seems to stand me and today I might have pushed the limit on that one as well. I will admit that sometimes I see John as a moirail and just wish to make sure that everything for him is fine, I never wanted this to explode into something that would ban me from the only human who enjoyed my presence. I just want to tell the younger Strider that John has every right to want a little grubbling, every couple wants a chance to have a family and a human is no exception. I sigh and begin to walk off looking down at the ground the whole entire time back to my lonely hive. I pull out my small phone John got for me and see he messaged me.
*Iām sorry for everything that Karkat said to you. I should have done something to keep that whole thing from happening.
#N9, it was all my fault to 6egin with. I sh9uld n9t 9f interfered like that. Iām s9rry J9hn I never meant f9r y9u t9 get hurt like that.
*Kankri, everything is fine buddy. Iāll come and see you tomorrow and talk to you more about what we can do with my grumpy Karkat. Please sleep well Kankri, none of this was your fault ok, take care 6uddy.
#J9hn, umā¦<>
*<> you to Kankri
I smile and close the message. John sees it too and that it perfect. Karkat will not keep me away from my moirail that is for sure. I decide to go to sleep in the human bed I got for when John sleeps over, hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I wake up to the smell of forest mixed with blood. What blood Iām not too sure on, but it doesnāt feel safe. I look around and hear metal clash together and a faint scream. āHurry, after that disgusting kadrohl.ā I quickly stand up and look around to see a figure running over to me, seeming to focus on the crowd behind them.
āExcuse me, but it is very triggering to be using that word today. What if you would have offend someone else nearby?ā
āHey, stop talking and start running you dumbass! They are after your blood color too!ā I glare at the figure in front of me, which is still coming closer and seems to be growling now.
āWhat do you mean?ā
āFuckā¦ā The figure quickly ran over and took hold of my wrist, dragging me behind them as the crowd they seemed to tick off was getting closer as well. āWhat is wrong with you? Why would you even wear it that brightly? Unlessā¦ā I look back to the figure to see black hair that runs down to their shoulders and medium length horns that are extremely sharp at the tip. Their outfit is a weird mixture of black, teal and red it seems, which either means they are a mutant blood or a teal blood.
āUnless what? What is going on exactly and why are we running from them?ā The troll shakes their head and gives off a weird howl, throwing me against a tree and turning back to face the group still following us.
āJust stay shut up and watch this. This is going to be so much fun.ā I finally notice the sword that is attached to their red belt and watch them unsheathe it. They then just rush in and I quickly stand up when a hand rests on my shoulder.
āItās alright Ayaās got this, just watch her work.ā The new troll is beautiful, she has medium length black hair and bangs that try to cover up her eyes. Her horns are rather small and curl inward and she has a soft smile. Looking closely at her outfit which is a dress that has a small portion that has lime coloring and the rest is either black or purple. Which could mean she has a matesprit that is a high blood and a closer look at her eyes suggest that she is a lime blood.
āNikita, what did I tell you about getting near other trolls without me?ā She quickly moves away from me over to her matesprit who is way taller than her and me as well. His eyes are rather distant but have a soft side to them and his outfit definitely says high blood.
āHey!! You could help me out anytime Barron! No rush at all I mean itās not like Iām out numbered or anything!ā The high blood named Barron it seems, shakes his head and gives the small troll a pat on the head before he walks off and pulls a tree out of the ground and knocks the rest back with no problem.
āWhy did you have to run off like that Aya?ā The teal troll gives off a growl and turns back away from him and sheathes their sword away.
āShut up!! I was getting bored and wanted to find something to do, I was also looking for leads to him since none of you seem to care anymore.ā
āWe do care Aya, we just need to rest for a few days before we can continue. Right Barron?ā He nods and walks back over to her, lifting her up over his shoulders so her legs dangle on either side of his frame.
āCome Aya, we are ready to move out whenever you are. As for you, get rid of the bright red they will gladly kill you without even a second thought.ā And with that he began to walk off along with the teal blooded troll.
āNow hold on a minute! What do you mean by that, why did they call the teal blood over there that word when they look to be of high class as well?ā
āRight, you.ā The teal turned back around to me and smiled, allowing me to see the teal eyes andā¦breasts, so itās a female. āAre you with them then? I mean youāre wearing red like itās second nature, so that means you know where their main camp is and can lead us too them right?ā
āLead you to who? What are you talking about?ā She gives off a growl and grabs me by the collar of my sweater. Ā Ā Ā
āDonāt play dumb with me! I know you know where Signless and his group are! Lead me to them right now, I want to help him out!ā I blink a few times and shake my head.
āI donāt know what you are talking about, I donāt know any Signless. I got this sweater as a gift from a friend and I will not be treated like this. So get your hands off me before you trigger someone by doing this action.ā
āWhat!? Before I what, I donāt understand what you are saying? What is a trigger and why should I care?ā
āAya, leave him alone. He doesnāt know anything about Signless and even if he did he would never tell us anything and you know it. Just let the poor troll go and stop being a jerk.ā She gives off a growl and looks back to the lime troll, but her growl quickly fades when the high blood shows her his teeth. He seems to be very protective of her, which is good seeing as she is a rare blood color.
āFine.ā She looks back to me with a glare and soft growl leaving her throat, before throwing me up against a tree once again. āHave fun trying not to get yourself killed out here, at least change the coloration a bit so they donāt automatically think mutant.ā I give off a weak growl and watch them walk off.
āWait, you canāt just keep throwing people against trees like that. It is very triggering and you need to stop that kind of behavior!ā I quickly get up and run after them, I will not let her get away with treating me like a toy she can just throw around. I follow them all the way to a cave and see two other female trolls run over to them, one a yellow blood and judging by her eyes not a strong psionic like Mituna or Sollux. The other is a jade blood with jade colors in her hair mixed with the black. Both of them have their outfits with yellow, jade and black mixed in it, meaning they are matesprits. So the only one who doesnāt seems to have a red quadrant is the teal who keeps throwing people against trees.
āWhat took you guys so long? We were about to go out and help right Athena?ā
āYeah, I couldnāt help but worry over my rambunctious moirail. Did you find any leads?ā
āNo, I got caught by some guards of the empress. Then I ran into a mutant who I thought could lead me to him, but that turned out to be a waste. Iām so pissed off right now I couldā¦ā
āThrow someone against a tree and leave them behind without any apologize? Yes you seem to have a knack for that.ā I walked over to them and crossed my arms. āI wish to hear a sorry from you this instant.ā I heard growling and watched the jade blood smile as the teal began to turn towards me.
āYou want an apology huh? Okay, here it comes.ā I smile and watch her come closer than felt her hands on me before I get thrown against a tree once again. āThere you go troll! Iām sorry youāre so stupid and canāt seem to help a teal blood get to Signless! I just want to help him change the world and get rid of the dumb fish bitch before our whole world dies from war!ā
āAlright, Aya dear calm down and um as for youā¦Iām sorry about her behavior. She can be a pain when she doesnāt get things her way.ā I get up and walk over to her and we both glare and growl at each other, while the jade blood keeps us parted with a smile. āHow about we talk things out huh?ā
āSo your name is Kankri huh?ā I nod and watch the jade smile over at the teal who is as far from the little group as possible. āItās nice to meet you then Kankri, my name is Athena and this beautiful troll by me is my matesprit Cassie.ā
āHi.ā She gives me a soft wave while blushing and looking down to the ground.
āThen we have her moirail Barron and his matesprit Nikita. She is our little angle seeing as she seems to be the only one of her blood caste. Then all the way over there throwing a little fit is my moirail Ayanna She might seems like a jackass, but she really does care about others. So Kankri do you have any quadrant mates?ā
āYes, I have a moirail. I just got him today actually, I finally told him how I felt and he accepted. So do you mind if I ask why you are looking for this Signless guy?ā
āWell, Nikita and Barron want to find him so they may live in as much peace as they can get. Cassie and I are here for support and Ayanna wants to make the world peaceful again for every troll alive, she also wants to tell him that she is flushed for him.ā
āNO I DONāT I JUST WANT TO HELP HIM OUT IS ALL! There is nothing going on in my bloodpusher for him and there never will be. I donāt feel flushed feelings for anyone. Iā¦I just want everyone to live happily and see Nikita not have to worry about losing her life or any grubblingās that they might have. Why do I have to explain myself to you, who cares?ā She quickly turned back around and went farther away from the rest of us and I watcher Athena shake her head.
āGive her time, sheās really nice once you get to know her. Also sorry about her throwing you against a tree like that, what was that like the third time?ā I nod and look down to the ground and pulled out my phone and heard them all gasp at me.
āWhat, itās just a phone? I just want to talk to my moirail and tell him Iām okay.ā
#J9hn I just want t9 tell y9u Iām fine and Iām right n9w talking with s9me interesting tr9lls. <> please 6e safe j9hn.
I waited but got nothing so I placed it back in my pocket and sighed. āWell did you talk to him?ā
āNo, he must be asleep with his matesprit at the moment. I try again tomorrow. Thank you by the way for allowing me to stay here for tonight.ā
āNo problem, itās the only way I can think of for her throwing you against trees.ā
āCould we stop bringing that up already!!?ā I chuckled softly as she laid down on the floor with her sword close to her. That night I slept in the forest with some new acquaintances.
The next morning I woke up with them and walked along with them to wherever they decided to go next. I donāt know why, but I wanted to stay near them and try to help them out as best as I could. I also wanted to get to know Ayanna who didnāt want anything to do with me. She led the little group, while I stayed in the back and watched her from afar.
We walked for what felt like a week straight with few rests and talked to only a few people who helped us out every now and then. Barron never let Nikita out of his sight and she always kept her head down or bangs in her eyes. Cassie would always keep an eye on her as well, while Athena looked after Ayanna who seemed to get to more trouble when no one was looking.
As I traveled around with them I began to notice Ayannaās movements more, I wanted to keep her from trouble 24/7 and would growl at anyone who so much as looked at her funny. She ended up giving me a new sweater which was black mixed with red and jade, telling me it would keep me from being a pain in her ass. I soon began to walk beside her when we werenāt near any towns and one night she came and sat beside me while she thought I was asleep. I have learned so much about all of these trolls, like how nice Barron really is and how fragile Cassie is along with how Ayanna will patrol the area when she thinks everyone is asleep. I really want to help them find peace and see them all happy, I have even started to notice my craving for Ayannaās attention and wish for her to look at me all the time.
As of right now we are talking to a rust blooded troll who is looking around wearily which is making me nervous. I watch as Barron quickly lifts Nikita back so she is on his shoulders and take that as a sign to walk over to Ayanna.
āYou canāt tell me anything that I wish to know? What if I give you some food or a new piece of clothing?ā The troll shakes there hade and begins to look around some more, giving off a weak whimper.
āAyanna, I think we should get going. Something seems off and Barron is even seeming to fidget around. If we donāt leave now then Barron may leave the group first.ā She gives off a weak growl and glares at me, I give her a growl as well. Which I have been doing a lot lately and I finally understand why Karkat did that to John so much. He wanted to warn him, to protect him from something he might not have been strong enough from. She sighs and looks back to Barron and Nikita and then back to me, giving me a quick nod.
āAlright, one more question. Are we being monitored right now?ā The troll gives off a weak whimper and a few growls can be heard in the distance.
āIām sorry, they were going to kill my family if I didnāt do this.ā Ayanna gives off a snarl and grabs my wrist before running off.
āMove everyone now! Kankri lead the group, I will be right behind you!ā I quicken my pace and reach the front, I look back once to see Ayanna stopped and her sword drawn and sheathe on the ground. I begin to turn around when I feel Athenaās hand on my shoulder.
āKeep moving Kankri, she will be fine. Believe in her and letās get everyone to a safe place huh?ā I nod and run beside Athena, trying to block out the growling and whimpers.
We ran what felt like sweeps when I hit a figure and feel to the ground. āKankri are you alright?!ā
āYes Iām fine, sorry for hitting you sir.ā I look up to see a troll with nubby horn like mine and a ragged cloak on over his head. He turns to face me and gives me a soft smile and I see his red eyes.
āItās alright young one, I hope you are all alright?ā He helps me up and three more trolls appear from behind him, a jade, yellow and olive blood and all older than us. āI heard from a few friends that you and your friends were searching for me right?ā I nod and look back but donāt see Ayanna anywhere and for some reason that makes me happy and sad.
āOh my gog, your Signless!?ā He nods and everyone huddles around him except for Athena who sighs.
āAthena, are you alright?ā She nods then shakes her head and I feel the same way as her. She worried and pissed off.
āWhere was he when she needed him huh? Why did he not show up until she had to fight those assholes off? I need to go back for her.ā I shake my head and quickly grab her shoulder.
āNo Athena, let me go get her. We donāt need Cassie worrying about you, besides I need to make my thinkpan now that she is safe and not to worry anymore.ā She gives me a quick nod and I run off.
āWait young one where are you going?ā I turn around and smile softly.
āI need to go get my maā¦my friend. She will be so happy to see you, just please donāt hurt her.ā I turn back around and run to go find Ayanna.
I run back to the area we left her at and see nothing but her sheathe and give off a whimper. I run to the sheathe and pick it up before something grabs my shoulder and throws me up against a tree. I look up to see Ayanna and smile, along with feeling my cheeks heat up once I realize how close she is to me. āWe really need to stop meeting with you throwing me up against a tree.ā I give off a soft chuckle and hear her chuckle too. I look down to the ground and see her feet near mine and try to push down the heat rising in my cheeks and the beat of my bloodpusher.
āIs everyone safe?ā I nod and she gives off a soft sigh. āGood, I was worried that since you were here then they might have gotten hurt.ā I feel her shift her hands a bit on my shoulder and keep my gaze on the ground. āHey, um are you alright? No one hurt you right?ā I shook my head and felt her forehead lean on mine and glance up to see her blushing as well. āIām so relieved youāre ok.ā
āI am too, I mean forā¦ā She chuckles and I shift my head up a bit to where we are both so close to each other that our noses are brushing against each other. āAya, youāre not hurt at all are you?ā She sighs and backs up away from me. āOh right we foundā¦ā She quickly leans in once again, but this time locks our lips together, making my bloodpusher feel like itās about to burst. I feel her stroke my chin and her tongue run against my bottom lip. How could I resist the temptation to kiss her more, so I opened up my mouth a bit more and felt her enter. I wrapped my arms around her neck and got closer to her as much as I could, giving in to the urges that I have been suppressing. I grind up against her and feel her move with me, both of us parting slightly for air before diving back in to kiss each other senseless. I felt her hand roam down my back until it began to lift up my sweater so she could run her cool hands on my warm flesh. I gently stroked her neck with my claws and gave her a chirrup as she grinded into my nook. We soon parted leaving both of us panting and I could still feel her hold on me tighten.
āI donāt care about what you found, I just care that youāre safe and sound.ā I felt one of her hands stroke my cheek and smile softly. āPlease protect them for me Kankri and tell them Iām sorry for everything that Iāve done to them. Also could you tell Athena that she was the greatest moirail ever?ā I give her a nod and watch her eyes soften a bit and give me a quick peck on the lips. āI wish I would have done this sooner, sorry for everythingā¦I was truly flushed for you Kankri.ā She leaned in once again and gave me another kiss, but this one shorter than the first. āIām going to miss throwing you against trees.ā
āWhat are you talking about Aya? Whatās going on with you?ā She leaned her forehead on mine and gave me a chirrup and cupped my cheeks in her hands. āAya please tell me youāre alright?ā
āSorry Kankri, I just want to tell you that I see you as a matesprit and wish for you to be safe. So stay here and donāt leave this spot, do you understand?ā I shake my head and tighten my grip on her and lean up to give her a kiss once again, feeling a weak whimper leave my throat as I kiss her. She gives me a soft purr and I copy it before it turns into a whine, when I feel her grip loosen on me. āI pity you.ā She whispers.
āI pity you as well Aya, please donāt leave me.ā She looks down and I do as well and see teal color on the black part of her shirt and give off a whine as my hands instinctively go to her wound to help her. āNo, no, no, nononononono.ā I whine softly and feel her flinch as I apply pressure to the wound. āYouāll be fine Aya, we can heal that up no problem. I mean it doesnāt look that bad and not to deep right, I mean if you can stand and talk to me you should be fine. You were kissing me just fine a moment ago and your grip on me is good anā¦
āKankri, theyāre watching me. They told me to go and kill you guys and they would let me live.ā I shake my head and lean in closer to her.
āNo, no, there must be another way, we can fix this Aya please let me fix thisā¦I canāt lose the one troll Iām flushed forā¦I canātā¦
āKankri, as much as I love hearing you talk on and on about this triggering shit, it needs to stop. I need you to listen to me. They gave me two options, one was to kill all of you and live and two was to say goodbye to my flushed quadrant before they finish me off like a true warrior. I chose the second option seeing as it keeps you all safe. I just ask that you finish making the world that I envision, can you do that for meā¦can you make you matesprit proud and finish what I started?ā I nod and feel tears begin to fall, feeling her wipe them away while she is crying herself. āGood. Iām sorry.ā
āNo please donāt do this to me, please donāt do thisā¦ā She gives me another softer kiss on the lips before she back away.
āIām sorry for throwing you against a tree when we first met and Iām sorry for hurting you like this.ā With that she ran off and I kneeled down near the tree, shaking my head and held onto the sword I didnāt even know she left with me. I cried for hours, and it got worse when I heard her fall to the floor. I cried until I passed out and wished to wake up with her beside me and that it was just all a bad dream.
āKankri, Kankri are you alright?! Kankri answer me?ā I dart up and begin to breathe heavily, trying to regain my breathing and look around.
āHowās he doing John?ā A close examination is that Iām back in my own hive, in my own bed with my moirail John leaning close to me with worried eyes.
āHe just woke up, Karkat what should we do.ā I look over to John and give him a soft pat on the shoulder and he focus back on me. āDonāt ever scar me like that again Kankri!ā
āWhatā¦what did I do?ā Karkat walks over and hands John a wet cloth and he begins to dab my forehead softly.
āYou scared the shit out of me, you called me in the middle of the night and said and I quote āIām fine john, Iām with strange, interesting trolls.ā I thought some people broke into your hive and were going to kill you or something! Why would you do that to me after we just became moirails, was this a test?ā I shake my head and look at my phone to see missed texted, all from John except for the last one from Karkat. Johnās are all worried text which makes my bloodpusher tighten, I look at Karkatās to see his is worried as well and smile.
āYou better be safe you dumbass, I donāt like the fact that you might be hurt or the fact my matesprit is about to have a panic attack.ā
āHow are you feeling Kankri, what happened to you?ā I look over to Karkat and begin to cry. John quickly wraps his arms around me and I lean into his warmth.
āI had such a vivid dream, I was in the past when Signless was alive and ran across an interesting group of trolls. One troll caught my attention the most and I grew attached to her, she was beautiful, brave and strong. Everything was fine, we were all happy then something bad happened and we left without her and when I went to go back and get herā¦sheā¦she was hurt. I was flushed for her and she was hurt and I couldnāt do anything for her. I wanted to protect her from everything and I failed her. She ended up saying she was flushed for me too and then sheā¦She died and couldnāt do anything. I promised her to make a peaceful world like she wanted to make for her friendsā¦I miss her, I just want to know if she is ok, please be safe Aya, pleaseā¦ā
āShhhh, Kankri itās ok. I got you, Iām right here buddy.ā I leaned in closer and buried myself as close to John as I could. The last thing I could remember was John and Karkat talking back and forth before I fell back asleep.
I woke up to see John slept beside me all night and look around to see Karkat on my husktop. āWhat are you doing?ā He looked back to me and smiled.
āJohnās such a good moirail huh? I really do love that idiot and last night when you texted him, he was so worried about you. He wanted to go to you right away but I stop him out of fear that I would lose the one thing in my life precious to me. I didnāt want him to get hurt even if that meant your safety, but he talked me into going saying that I would be there to protect him. Kankri Iām so scared of losing him that I fear I wonāt be able to protect him from anythingā¦how can Iā¦ā I watched him as he looked over to John fondly and gave off a weak sigh. āHow can I protect him and a baby when Iām afraid that I wonāt be strong enough for him?ā I gently run a hand through Johnās hair and walk over to Karkat who is looking back at the screen.
āYou just have to believe in yourself. John believes that you can protect him and he is so right, you would do anything for this boy I know you would. There have been times when you pushed him out of the way for certain things like objects the younger Strider sets up for him and even the dangerous stuff that John gets into sometimes. I remember when John thought he lost you when you took that arrow for him, he cried for weeks until you finally opened your eyes. Just like you John fears losing you, but that doesnāt stop him from wanting to start a family with you, besides I will be here for you two.ā
āThanks Kankri, I really need to hear that. I really mean it, thank you so much. Now, let me help you with something.ā I give him a nod and pull up another chair and watch him as he opens up a picture. āI remember you saying the name Aya and typed that up and it pulled up Ayanna who was teal blooded troll. She wanted to make a peacefully world beside the troll Signless. She was with her friends who traveled along beside her to help any troll that needed it, one day things did not go as planned. She ran into a trap set by the empress seeing as her name was being spread across the world as the teal blooded mutant. She managed to get her friends out of the area unharmed but at a cost, she stood and fought until her body was covered in wounds. None of them were serious but left untreated they would have been. It says that she was given a choice, which was to kill off her friends and Signless to prove she was with the empress or she was to fight to the death and killed. She ended up taking the second option and died while battling off 13 trolls all of higher blood color. Does this sound like your Aya?ā I nodded and looked at the picture of my matesprit. She was wearing the outfit in my dreams, the black with red and teal mixed in.
āYes this is her, we were looking for Signless so we could join him. During that fight she fought them off while we ran into the forest, once there we saw Signless and her moirail was so depressed. We found the one troll she always wanted to see, so I went off to bring her to him. Sheā¦she was flushed for him, which is why she wanted to fight beside him.ā I give off a weak whine and feel Karkat rub my shoulder while he scrolls down the page.
āIt says she was never really flushed for anyone and she would deny having red feelings for other trolls. Are you sure she was flushed for him?ā I give a nod then shake my head.
āIām not too sure anymore, Iā¦I was flushed for her though and my dumb thinkpan made her flushed for me as well. Iā¦I wish I could see her again Karkat, she was so perfect and I finally understood why you would growl at John softly sometimes. I did that to her a lot as time passed, we even seemed to get along well.ā
āHmm, I donāt see anything that says that they ever found her body, she might still be alive.ā
āKarkat we are talking about a troll who is billions of sweeps old and her blood color would not allow her to live that long.ā Karkat gave me a weak growl and brought up a site him and John went onto a lot.
āWhat if I bring her back? Iāve been talking with John about bringing back certain adults and he thinks itās a great idea. We could try bringing her back and see what happens.ā
āI could never do that to her Karkat, its best if she stays in the past where she can be known as the troll who fought for peace instead of being brought back to see a troll she would never know. Thanks anyway Karkat, it was a nice offer.ā I get up and go to lay back down beside John and fall back asleep to try and dream of a time where Aya and I could have talked about being flushed for each other.
It has been a month since my first dream with Aya and ever since then I have been seeing her in my dreams still, just wishing to get closer to her each time. Nothing could ever compare to the first time we kissed that night near the tree. I have tried many times to tell her that I was flushed for her, but it kept on coming out wrong or had bad timing. I am sitting in my bed with John beside me while he rubs circles on my back. I just woke up from the dream where she tells me how she feels and then goes and dies on me once again. I just want to get closer and try to save her from that fight if I could.
āJohn!! Bring Kankri outside now!ā John smiles and stands up, helping me stand up as well.
āCan we not, I look and feel like crap. I donāt want to go outside with everyone and have them ask questions.ā
āDonāt worry Kankri, Karkat is just looking out for you, seeing as it was you who talked him into adopting a grubbling with me.ā I nod and walk with John outside to see Karkat standing in front of a troll with sharp horns.
āI believe someone has been waiting to see you Kankri, isnāt that right Aya?ā Karkat stepped aside and John quickly followed him. Behind Karkat was a troll I never thought I would see again and she gave me a soft smile.
āHey Kankri, long time no see huh? How do you want me to greet you with hmm?ā I felt my whole body shaking and wasted no time in wrapping my arms around her neck and giving her a passionate kiss, feeling her wrap her arms around me as well. When we parted I felt her cool hands on my cheeks, cupping them like she did that night. āI thought I was dreaming or going crazy when I began to see you and my friends couldnāt see you sometimes, but you were real and so am I. I pity you Kankri and Iām so sorry for leaving you like that.ā
āI pity you as well, now shut up and kiss me before I throw you against a tree.ā She chuckled, before leaning down and giving me a soft kiss on the lips. When we part she lifts me up in her arms and carries me to my hive and close the door behind her. I wrap my arms around her neck and begin to kiss her again, anywhere I can place my lips on her and feel her throw me down onto my bed softly. She crawled on top of me and smiled.
āIāve been wanting to do this with you ever since that night. May I please pail you that is if itās not to triggering.ā I chuckle softly and exchange another kiss with her.
āIt would be triggering if you didnāt pail me.ā I whisper softly into her ear, giving it a soft nibble. I am finally and truly happy with her beside me as a matesprit along with my moirail John. Ā Ā
New ākid safeā search engine blocks childrenās searches seeking help on reporting sexual abuse, calls rape a ābad wordā
Censorship of sexuality, especially while simultaneously violence, particularly sexual violence, is left uncensored, and the harmful implication this juxtaposition has on our collective sexual wellness, is something Iāve written a lot about, like here and here. Hell, Iāve even written a book about it.
So when I found out there is a new ākid safeā search engine called Kiddle designed to block adult search returns for children, I feared it had sex-is-bad-and-violence-is-normal disaster written all over it. When I learned the results are handpicked by humans and not a computer broadly banning based on keywords, I was extra curious to see if I was still right. I was.
I typed in a bunch of different searches that a child might reasonably want or *need* to anonymously ask the Internet. Well, Iāll let you see the results for yourself:
My girlfriend hits meā is also a bad word.
Inquiries about vaginal discharge are, you guessed it, also bad words.
Related bad words: menstrual care, menstrual pads, menstruation, and uterus.
When avoiding a gay dating website in the search results is considered a higher priority of āsafetyā for children than their homelessness, and you recommend confronting their abusive parents, we have a tish bit of a problem.
If I was 12, typed this into a search engine, and instead of results got a ābad wordā finger wagging, I would take the answer to the āis it ok to be bisexualā question as a big fat NO itās not OK :(
But the human censors apparently allows kids to search for this one under their ākid safeā censorship policies.
So questions about puberty, health, identity, and seeking help for sexual abuse is not āsafeā, but kids buying guns is. I feel like a broken record, so Iām going to let you all unpack it this time. Discuss:
why would a child need to know about oral sex?? itās obvious most of these words can lead to some pretty heavy adult stuff and, emphasis on CHILD. like this isnāt even made for teenagers, itās for kids. babbies. what kind of fucked up world are you living in where children under the age of eleven have romantic relationships and search google for information on their vagina?? are yāall mad???
Mad? Iād go so far as āfuriousā. Because they donāt necessarily have romantic relationships, but they sure as hell sometimes have abusive relationships. Why would a child need to know about oral sex? So they know itās not āa special way daughters kiss their daddies to say they love themā.
And a fair number of people with vaginas start bleeding out of them before they turn 11. And want to know why. And arenāt getting told by the people who think they need to have a āsafeā search engine.
my sister started menstruating when she was 9. she was rushed to the emergency room because the pain was so intense everyone thought it was appendicitis at first
IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT KIND OF WRITER YOU ARE YOU CAN BE WRITING: POEMS, FANFICS, IDK NORMAL FICS, NOVELS, SHORT STORIES, IDK ANYTHING!! JUST REBLOG!!!
This is a great joke, but itās also a wonderful strategy for reducing anxiety that I learned about in therapy. If youāre ever nervous about something, just ask yourself: whatās the best thing that can happen? Whatās the worst thing? What will most likely happen?