"uhm, hey. my mom asked if you wanted some bread. well, actually, she didn't really ask. she just said to give you some because she's like that," she awkwardly states with a soft chuckle in hopes that it doesn't come across that she's willingly overstepping any boundaries. "you're up pretty late," she adds on because she'd rather talk about anything but her mother's annoying tendencies.
────
eunjae becomes her delightful noise in the night.
it was eerier than usual. she could not hear the cicadas, nor the movements of her neighbours, rushing their nighttime routines. a glimpse of the dark road outside her house, and all her wary mind could conjure was the antler god. in this moonless moment, with no eyes around, would this be when it will show itself? would it ask for more of her? would this be when her life of woe would change?
but then, eunjae emerges from the looming shadows. bread cradled in her arms, sweet smile on display. the rare light of innocence in their old, mundane home. tolerating people is hard, but she doesn't mind eunjae ─ full of nonchalance towards her tragic history of divorce at such a young age, ignorant to her family's severed ties to the town's lore. unlike the rest, eunjae saw her past all that.
"thank you. and thank your mother for me as well." immediate gratitude shows itself in the form of hushed words and a soft smile. she retrieves the sudden gift before pushing the door with her back, beckoning the other in, "i'm actually finishing one of the blouses you sent me. if you wait a few minutes, you can bring your clothes back." true enough, a white top sits atop the dining table, pricked with a needle and illuminated by a flickering, ceiling lamp.
a reassuring nod, and a gentle tug of eunjae's soft hands, "i'll be quick, i promise. keep me company?"
"do you think this is gonna fix everything in your life?" ilwoo asks her, a continuous wrong approach that he won't give up on, all the likeness of a dog willing to dislocate its own jaw pulling at a bone that won't give.
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denial is a disease.
upon one's initial exposure to its catalyst, it will first manifest itself as self-doubt. sometimes, one is lucky to see this as a symptom within their system, so they do what they can to treat it. they listen to it; they accept it. they medicate with one fearless shot of bitter realization. and then, they recover ─ heart doing what it can to fix the body, assembling all the debris from the crumbled, metaphorical walls within them to piece them back together again. they heal.
but some let it sit, and settle in their stomachs. it stays, it curls, it swims with all that acid, waiting to be hurled by a surge of bravery. it lurks, and it aches. that's why they always tell you to go with your gut. the throb is there for a reason. the body knows best. this is a warning.
and it is when it stays longer than how much your personal comfort can tolerate it that it begins its escalation. it will turn into a resistance. it will change into something uglier; something harder to cure. in worst stories, it ends up terminal.
in gaeul's, it runs stubborn and strong in her blood. it has reached her eyes through the ophthalmic arteries. it grows and obscures her vision. this is why the absurdity of it all isn't clear to her.
won gaeul can't see it.
but, jung ilwoo can.
"don't you dare talk about him like that." she says too calmly, "not when he takes acre of me well." akin to the quiet before a storm. her face turns back to the mirror, but she doesn't return her own gaze. suddenly, she doesn't feel that beautiful in that ratty, white gown she wanted to romanticize as a vintage wedding dress anymore.
"i'm not fucking it all up." gaeul glares at his reflection. she's this close to leaving a crack on it and his nonchalance.
"he has a better job, a better house. and he sees me past the girl with the lost riches and the dysfunctional parents. i don't know why you hate the idea of us so much."
“what do you even see in him?” this isn’t the first time ilwoo’s asked this question, either. it’s just, he’s never gotten a response he finds satisfactory. there’s a whole slew of words you can use to describe someone as bland, and gaeul’s never used any of them. so he keeps setting up the question, like eventually she’ll find the right word, the word that matches the picture ilwoo’s constructed of him in his head.
he leans back in the chair he’s on, far enough that his head thumps against the wall. he aims his eyes up at the ceiling instead of gaeul’s face. he’s sure she’s not happy with him. lately and she’s not really been much aside from annoyed. it’s his own fault, but his opinion keeps leaking out of him like a crack in the bottom of a broken vase. unwanted.
────
she should have known better than to call him.
this isn't their first dance. they've done this before. she would call him because she needed someone, and the bond they've built in their shared childhood mimics, near flawlessly, the dynamics of the laughable small town girl and her safe space. he would show up. he would have her think he is genuinely overjoyed for her. and right when her guard is at its lowest — like now, as she is admiring the cinch of aunt eunhye's wedding dress around her small waist — he will pierce her bubble.
with words sharp enough to not break through skin, but prickle her eyes.
fucking ilwoo.
"what does it matter to you? it's not like you're marrying him." she has grown tired. less tolerant. she's been piling trays of niceties to soothe him and sway his unshakeable heart, yet there he remains. still and stubborn. superior, as though he knows it all. selfish, a hindrance to her happiness.
gaeul faces away from the mirror and the dainty visage who was staring back. not even that layer of makeup could conceal her visible disdain, "you know.. the least you could do is pretend for me."
the antler god visits your dream once more. it’s the same field as last time, and the fireflies are alight in a glow of vibrant red-orange, like the world is on fire. they blink and thrum with an energy that you can feel building inside of you, static through your limbs until you feel fuzzy with it. powerful. and there it is, the antler god wading out from the weeds and bigger than before. its antlers extend out like tree limbs and rows of birds perch and squawk among the sharp prongs. its bones creak and its jaw snaps as it speaks “i can see your ambition, and it’s deserving of a reward. continue to follow me and continue to be blessed.” it comes closer, and the fireflies’ light plays off the sun-bleached white of its bones. it creaks down into something like a crouch, a mangled shape that resembles an animal coiled and waiting to pounce. not a deer. “don’t disappoint me.” it says with a smile, and there’s a sharp snap of something like bone and your vision sparks white-hot behind your eyelids. you blink them open rapidly and find yourself awake in bed with stars still blurring your vision.
your muse has a bout of good fortune for one in-character week. they might: find money on the floor, a bill may have been sent in error, if they were ill then they might get better, they suddenly get a raise. however, the good luck should only surround the character themselves and not be overreaching (for example, they aren’t going to win a fortune on a lottery ticket - if you have anything you’re unsure of, feel free to send a message to the main). you may incorporate this into any episode 1 threads if you wish.
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when gaeul reaches home that same morning, there are tears gathered in her eyes. the locket is long gone, she feels exposed and naked without it, and she has yet to piece together the right words for mother and father to hear.
i don't have our heirloom anymore. she might as well have signed her name on a guillotine.
you don't know how much you have until you lose what's most important to you.
you don't know how much you have until you lose what's most important to you.
you don't know how much you have.
you don't know how much you have.
she's heard of this before, from the older onyang folk and the dusty, deteriorating books in that shop in the corner of town. it is strange, but at random, it has begun repeating itself in her mind throughout the day, interrupting the quiet in her routines. it clings to her muddled brain and distracts her so tenaciously, it sends a needle into the tip of her dainty finger when she needed to sew old man junho's hat back together.
disguised as an unsolved riddle, it begs to be solved. and while won gaeul barely has the time for games, she knows this incessant noise won't stop until it does.
perhaps, this is the antler god speaking to me. now, this calms her a little. this helps her a lot. in the doings and the murmurs of the antler god, she trusts. it must not waver — her undying faith.
like the blood that runs fierce in her veins, it must be real. strong. alive.
she starts cleaning and counting her possessions. she would expect to feel a hint of gratitude, seeing what she owns that has been snugly enough for her by far, but instead, all she feels is bitter.
that very night, she rummages the third drawer of her dresser after clearing the first and second. she finds some neglected memories — tattered letters of a faded love, a comb that used to run through her mother's locks, some old woven bracelets, some tasteless buttons. there is also an old, brown envelope nestled in the corner that has her frowning because of how annoyingly unfamiliar it is. she doesn't think twice to open it, and when she finally does, she stops breathing.
you can hear the sawing of cicadas outside, grinding still air into fervent noise. it sings you to sleep. now you’re in a meadow that’s buzzing with that same seesaw of noise. there’s fireflies, too many, more than should exist. you wade through them. the deeper you wade, the less they look like fireflies. the pale butter-yellow glow they give off flickers into a deep red. they flash all around you, a discordant sos signal. the sawing grows louder. it surrounds you, invades your senses, until you crouch in the middle of this dream world, your hands over your ears.
“bring me your most valuable possession and i will reward you. leave it at the mouth of the forest, under the tree with eyes and i will help lead your family from their misfortunes. follow me into a future.”
you wake, and it should be to the sound of the cicadas, but they’re gone. it’s silent all around you in a way that’s unnatural. no bugs or animals or even the howl of the wind. it’s so quiet you can hear the echo of what it said. you won’t forget it.
────
gaeul wakes up with apprehension lodged in her throat, and a typhoon in her ears.
she sits up. she claws at her chest while gasping for air for her deprived lungs, fighting pain with pain to even one another out. and while she scratches herself raw and red, the sudden silence that came after the voice so deafening it trembled her from the inside continues to roar in her ears. it is horrifying as much as it is haunting. she never knew that the quiet could howl like that.
she calms down quickly after remembering how to breathe. bare skin of her back against her pillow, its softness does nothing to pacify her while she worries about what and how she defines an item of personal value.
she doesn't have much. home is a house of gifted trinkets, mundane necessities, the debris of won gaeul and items that used to have a name to them. someone else's trash; her treasure. for a split second, she wonders if it could tell the difference if she were to offer second place instead of first, but stops herself before the repercussions could play in her mind because she wouldn't even dare to picture it. the unimaginable consequences to foolish, thoughtless actions.
she shouldn't test it.
she mustn't.
not when she has been offered clemency.
not when she has been given a matchstick for the dark exit.
fingers glides over the fresh welts on her sternum before they embrace something cold. metallic. rusted. after growing a spine within her shrivelled, younger self, she'd become so driven and furiously bold to the point of mother's words:
"the antler god would love your ambition."
so it is unsurprising that she takes the big risk over the safest option. if she had to pick a possession she can't part with, it would be the one that is a part of her. the heirloom that has always been an extension of her. the pendant with the history of the wons.
her second heart.
perhaps, her family would be infuriated to see her neck bare from now on.
but she would much rather anger her own blood than the antler god. no hesitance in that.
when dawn breaks, she wastes no time and runs for the fields, lace hood fluttering behind her head, sleep in her unfocused gaze. even with the morning glow stretching over the lands, the forest remains eerie and intimidating, warning all not to wander farther into it. especially past the tree with the looking eyes.
she daringly meets one of its orbs. she stares, and it stares back, almost questioning her early presence. and like she's obligated to answer, she unclasps the empty locket from her body and holds it up for it to see. immediately, she feels lighter.
she feels incomplete.
she kneels before the tree and finds a damp spot between its roots. dirt collects under her fingernails as she digs a haven for what is being offered (or returned) to it. gaeul takes one long, last look of the locket, and then buries it — along with a piece of her existence.
this is what it wants. a form of sacrifice.
"take it." she whispers. it goes to the winds, and she hopes it reaches the antler god, "take it and grant me the reward i deserve.
no more misfortunes. that is all i ask." she says. nods. begs. and finally, she rises. back up on her two feet, she feels and sees that her dirtied hand is placed over her heart. a bodily instinct to calm her palpitating being, she reasons, or a silent pledge of her obedience.
either way, she has done as told. she has listened. she has abided.
hello, beautiful people <3 i am effie (she/her), and this is my beloved baby, won gaeul aka doe!! pls refer to her pinned post to learn more about her or peep under the cut for a brief summary. i also have dc for plotting so drop me a dm if ure keen to talk there, and we can make more tragic things happen to our muses (cackles). alternatively, plotting thru tumblr dms is fine too!!! aaaaa can't wait to meet all of u and read up on all ur amazing characters!!
won gaeul. 30. seamstress + cashier at the old theatre. divorced.
so, she's born a little 'wealthier' than others. family was blessed and had an income bc of their tungsten business. but then the mining caves collapsed, which obviously impacted their business and sent them to their doom. poor girl was still a child when they told her she gotta help settle the family debt.
worked odd jobs as a teen. got a lot of stares of pity bc 1) family didnt rly dote on her anymore or pamper her bc everyone has their own problems by then, 2) to think she was better off than the rest of them before the tragedy happened. she was ok w it... for 5 seconds, then she started being a lil rebellious and reacting to everyone who dared look at her like that. it's only when these colours of her showed that her parents gifted her a locket, a strong reminder of the antler god (who, respectfully, needs to give gaeul a better life..... says gaeul)
got married to an npc character. thought she could be happy and he could pay off the debt bit by bit, but then, they end up separating bc as it turns out, gaeul is not so over a certain someone..... spoiler alert: it's stag :O so, again, after the divorce, people started pitying her again, and it's really a repeat of the first phase of her life. she refuses to let ppl see her suffering. her tears !! WILL NOT !! BE SOMEONE'S ENTERTAINMENT !! it's been 4 years since then. she's thriving, she's surviving, and as much as she wants to leave onyang, she knows she's tied to that place for life due to the damned debt. she's tryna make do with what she can (like all of us), all while utilizing the skill she found shortly after her divorce....
using her pretty eyes and batting her lashes to get away with shi. what are some things she managed to get away with, you may ask? it's not much, but she's managed to squeeze herself out of arguments if she's on the losing end or win them effortlessly, she was able to pay for stuff without paying full price, get people to listen to her, etc, etc.
she thinks she's smart for realizing that, and thinks ppl are stupid for falling for it. character-wise, she's inspired by maysilee donner from sotr (i still weep from that). in other words, despite how she rly is, she wants to be perceived as nonchalant, contented, unaffected, headstrong. she's just a driven woman who is doing everything she can to cope and survive.
i'll def add a proper timeline and a page for relationships for her, for plotting purposes. again, do check her pinned post for more. but uh, yeah, that is all for now. pls write w me. thank u MUAH
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