[adoseoftrees]

This is a shitposting blog about my Simarillion OCs and absolutely ooc headcanons of multiple canon characters

Loosely canon-complaint while trying very hard to interpret everything in the most ooc ways

OC List:

Entulmir - Background Vanyar with Very Tricky luck that died a little bit too many times

Almanis - Teleri with a ship called Alcariel. Both got doomed pretty hard.

Indilien - Granddaughter of Ingwe. Obsessed with flying.

Laukalosse - Ainu that was really not a rabbit but it’s okay if you want to think that way. She ate rabbits and thought they were crunchy.

Wailindo - Former Maia of Manwe, former spy of Melkor, former PR specialist of Utumno, now abiding in south corner of Aman writing break-up songs

Ruinesanwe - Fire Maia of Aule -> Fire Maia of Melkor -> Balrog. Got shredded by bitter ex.

Aicaluine / Helcaqueto - Ice Maia of Melkor who noped the fuck out of Utumno, crawled back to Aman, begged for mercy, then got shredded by bitter ex.

Ursindo & Tevinde - Former ice Maiar siblings of Melkor, one was shredded the other got remade into something awful before getting shredded. After regeneration lived in some cave at the north corner of Aman.

Morowe - Maia of Varie & Mandos. Nothing dramatic here they were too sane & serious to get into any drama. Wrote essays and occasionally got drunk for stress relief.

Kesparo - Maia of Yavanna. The one (officially) responsible for the Oxygen Catastrophe. Not apologetic! Oxygen is a good idea.

[cilil]

Eru: you are supposed to be the judge.

Námo: yes, father.

Eru: you are supposed to be a force of neutrality and justice in the world.

Námo: yes, I am aware.

Eru: then what, pray tell, are you doing with the baseball bat in your hands?

Námo: I shall bring those who made my little brother cry to justice, father.

[adoseoftrees]

He was the one who proposed to push Morgoth out of Arda because 1. Morgoth’s victims in his halls needed to feel safe 2. Not gonna house the one that made his sister cry ever again the loser can go sulking in the void

[adoseoftrees]

My horrible thought for the day is Manwe and Eonwe likely have big naturals because birds have great chest muscles for their wings

[adoseoftrees]

I think at some point some Aule’s Maiar likely accidentally gave some unfortunate elf 3 degree burn because they forgot elves could not touch hot melting iron

(Also Osse and his elf-eating whirlpools. And Ainur generally forgetting elves needed air.

(Manwe’s Maiar loved to remind people “yes our lord’s element IS that important”

[adoseoftrees]

Maybe instead of Ainur taking shapes of birds and beasts it was actually the opposite way around

Yavanna created birds and beasts based on the shapes of Ainur

[cilil]

I like to imagine that Melkor and Mairon also went through that phase where one partner doesn't want a dog (werewolves are just big puppies okay) only to become best friends with the dog when they get one anyway

[adoseoftrees]

Especially when we consider that canon Melkor really feels like a cat person

[cilil]

Sometimes I'm just wondering... if Manwë hangs out on Taniquetil the whole time and doesn't come down often, does that mean people have to do some spontaneous extreme sports to climb Taniquetil if they want to talk to him about something or join his poetry club

[koyunsoncizeri]

Hahahausjdiudud 😭😭 maybe they kindly ask a bird to bring their message to him

[adoseoftrees]

The eagles: We are not your cable car service either

(I do think they probably set up a casual service and you’re required to tip the eagles with fish)

(Will Noldor build actual aerial trams once they figure out solar energy? Capture the energy of the sun into things sounds like a Noldor thing to do.)

[cilil]

Since Ainur are pretty much omnilingual and aware that not all Incarnates do well with ósanwë, they probably know sign language too.

You may however need to tell them if/when any additional limbs/wings/feathers/other non-humanoid parts of their anatomy make it confusing or hard to understand

[adoseoftrees]

One of my headcanons is Melkor had the ability to deprive Ainur of their ability to do Osanwe (later verbal language too which is actually easier), so Ainur were the first to figure out alternative language options

Also Yeah I think Ainur all have their own dialects… maybe Varda’s Maiar communicated through light waves and flickers, Orome’s communicated through smells and body languages…

[cilil]

Ainur are perfect for ABO/omegaverse and I can't believe there isn't more of it for them. Think about it:

They have whatever physical features you want thanks to shapeshifting

They're forces of nature

They're sometimes a little... odd by human standards because each one was created for a specific purpose and embodies certain concepts

They already have different ranks and types

Yes, they can and will fuck and have offspring too if that's your thing

They aren't restricted to certain means of reproduction either and neither sex nor gender matter

Some of them sure like to breed things as is *cough* Melkor *cough*

[adoseoftrees]

The reverse thought of this is ainur would likely read some abo porn fics from Tirion written by anonymous writer and be like…

“Hmmmm the writer has no fucking idea of how wolf pack works… (I know that one who created wolves! Poor thing, seduced by Melkor and got their whole wolf collection stolen by Mairon) …But actually this sounds super nice and I am intrigued… Must bring it to next pleasure party”

[cilil]

Estë is a gentle and loving person.

But if you piss her off (by being mean to her patients, trying to stop her from helping someone, etc.) she'll smack you, and chances are Irmo will smack you too since he knows his wife is almost impossible to piss off

[adoseoftrees]

Somehow I believe Este shelters a whole cluster of the most unhinged Maiar you can find in Valinor and they are crazily loyal to her

(she feels like the one who takes all the unapologetic problematic sorts)

And Irmo gets a cult of Eldritch horror Maiar with little common sense

So yeah if you make Este upset you are almost definitely in deep trouble

[adoseoftrees]

Elf medical students in Years of Trees Aman:

Their number was small but a sizable portion of them were mad scientists who occasionally volunteered as test subjects

(Some of them died at least once)

(Yeah there were magical healing methods to solve troubles but don’t you want to learn more about your body and maybe get detachable wings)

(Most of people prefer psychology. What happened to Miriel inspired a lot people to pursue the subject.)

[adoseoftrees]

My personal headcanon of War of Wrath is that there were at least a few cases of people getting captured and cracking under torture. The leaders always tried their best to keep the identities of the traitors as secret, or at least forbid people from writing that down into history.

I completely agree with the take that that war was so much more bloody and horrifying than all the first age wars combined. Afterwards people just did not want to make songs about it. Nothing glorious to sing about.

[adoseoftrees]

Somewhere in Lorien there was a small group of dedicated Maiar (from Yavanna & Este) developing a new species of giant double-headed leeches

The purpose of the project was to filter toxin out of blood after someone get poisoned.

Which was a good idea except the actual healing process was (understandably) visually brutal. A lot of patients just declared they would rather suffer a little longer to receive alternative healing methods.

(One of the more accepted methods was specially engineered snakes that released common antidotes through biting)

[cilil]

Melkor: As if you didn't marry my bird brain brother for his crown -

Varda: It wasn't for his crown, you vile creature, now stop spreading lies!

Melkor: ...you're right, actually. You married him for MY CROWN!

Varda: For the last time, THE KINGDOM OF ARDA IS NOT YOURS!

[fist fight ensues]

[adoseoftrees]

Well Varda married Manwe to make sure Melkor never gets his crown

[adoseoftrees]

Sometimes I am a little bit not normal about the idea that Melkor was the one who taught Manwe the concept of Evil and the one who made Manwe do evil by forcing him into situations with no good choices

But once one recognize evil there comes the idea of preventing evil through inflicting punishment and sometimes punishments lead to more evil deeds

Melkor & Manwe might be the first Ainur that Eru created

Manwe was Adam and Melkor was Eva but also the Snake. The snake that whispered about learning the difference between good and evil and got its legs removed in return

(I am not Christian so likely my whole perception about the thing is incorrect

[cilil]

Fëanor: you're mean.

Námo: I gladly take "mean" over "dead because of a couple of shiny rocks".

[adoseoftrees]

That! That is a brilliant very mean comment!

[adoseoftrees]

Before Entulmir died for the first time they had been kept in one of the orc factories for a while.

(By then Sauron had standardized whole sets of procedures to effectively turn baby elves into orcs. Older elves tended to go crazy or die; children’s souls and bodies were highly moldable because they did not really know what they would be like in adulthood. It was always easier to train them into their roles when they had little life experiences and self image.)

What happened should be pretty bad, at least bad enough to make them either forget most of the experience or only remember things in a completely disassociated way.

Years later they could casually recite to Este’s Maiar “I think they poured something hot or acidic or both under skin to dissolve the muscles. It was slow and very awful; the thing had a consistency of melted sugar… Or I might be having a particularly bad fever and was hallucinating all the time.”

Which wasn’t any good reliable information at all, but still way better than what one can get questioning ex-orcs in the Halls. (Some of Este’s Maiar got ages-long ban from Mandos by Morowe for a reason.)

One important thing about the creation of orcs was the subject had to somewhat believe they were not an elf. They either didn’t think they could be an elf ever again, or didn’t remember they were once an elf, or didn’t want to be an elf, or didn’t even think about the matter because thinking meant a lot of pain.

(Orcs were sad abnormal creations because every orc, even the one that born as orc instead of being turned, lived with this feeling of wrongness all their life. Like their body were not wholly their own; they were supposed to look like something else but they did not know what it should be like. They were supposed to be immortal due to the elf origin but they were not. It was like having slow progressing illness that consumed their body and mind bits by bits.)

(Orc mortality was not a natural one. Elves did die of physical or mental illness. Being an orc was like, you get this long term condition that constantly wore down your soul and body. There were ways to ease the pain but no cure.)

Most of the early orcs in the Halls did not remember anything at all. Or they tend to get into mental breakdown and start to hurt themselves when getting reminded of the experience.

Entulmir considered themselves very lucky to have themselves killed before reaching that point.

(Slowly dissolving in an icy river for years afterwards helped too.)