a dream in the daylight

[adreaminthedaylight]

I am a woman. What does that mean? Girl power. Be nice, beautiful, sweet. Fit in the box. Play by the rules. Don't be too much, but show off, just enough. I will not be confined. I am a woman. I am me, a person, a mind, a will. Just like him, or him, or him. I see things. I know things. I build things. I learn. I will define. I am a woman. I breathe. I run. I explore. I live every day, not just this day. The one day given to half the world Who birthed the world. I am a woman. We are the women. We are more than the roles that name us. Mother. Sister. Wife. Assistant. Ma'am. We are more. We are the heroines. I am a woman. I am a philosopher. I am a mathematician. I am a graduate. I am a traveler. I am a professional. I am a friend. I am a soul. I am a person. I am a woman.

[adreaminthedaylight]

The Intern - Feminist or not?

More and more women today are in leadership roles within companies, starting their own companies, and paving the way for innovation. A recent graduate from business school, it is exciting for me to see these women in roles that historically have been held by men. 

As a fan of Anne Hathaway because of her roles in films like The Devil Wears Prada, I was excited to watch The Intern, since it stars her as the CEO and founder of an e-commerce website that is known for perfectly fitting clothing - awesome, right?

For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, Anne’s character, Jules, is surprised when her number two man announces that he’s started a senior citizen internship program and begins a journey with new intern Ben (Robert DeNiro). The main struggle that Jules faces is whether or not to hire a new CEO and step down in position to reconnect with her cheating husband, or to remain the CEO in spite of her husband’s subtle hints that she is too busy for him and their daughter. Ben acts almost like a father figure combined with confidante to Jules during the journey. Jules’ company, in the meantime, is suffering growing pains where the company infrastructure can’t keep up with their growth.

The movie comes across as being “pro-women” since it highlights a woman in the role of CEO and founder. However, after watching the film, I completely disagree with this attitude. We never see Jules actually solve a problem with the company. Ben is the character that comes up with an important insight about what’s really going on with customer behavior on the website. We only see Jules frantically answering phone calls, reacting emotionally to her colleague recommending a new CEO, and helping Ben to create a Facebook page. 

I have seen other films with male CEOs in similar situations where there is a failing home life, a struggling company, and in the end, it is a result of the man’s resourcefulness and negotiation skills that lands him the deal, earns back the respect of his wife and is seen as a hero to his kids. But where is that story here?

It’s not. Jules knew about her husband’s affair. She didn’t confront him. Ben acts as the “savior” of Jules’ professional and personal life with his insight and loyalty. It communicates to the audience that a woman in that position needs a “father figure” or a “more experienced man” to make important decisions. This is the opposite of feminism. At the end of the movie, Jules is ready to step down as CEO and commit to her marriage and home life, without confronting her husband about his affair. But low and behold, at the last minute, Ben gives her his piece of advice one more time and voila! She changes her mind about hiring a new CEO in a matter of five minutes. 

Yes, it’s a cute movie. Yes, it shows a woman in a powerful position. But, she doesn’t display power. She displays insecurity, dependence, and complacency when it comes to her own life. That’s not the female role model that I want to see in Hollywood being portrayed to the next generation of women. I want to see women doing the same thing, acting with power just like the men are doing. It’s happening every day, so where is that story?

[adreaminthedaylight]

My life, lately

My dear life-walkers,

I regret not having written more frequently and sharing more thoughts with you. I would say that “I have been too busy”, but there’s always a reason for not doing something other than saying I’m just doing too many other things. For example, I’ve literally watched 2.5 seasons of Seinfeld and read 3/4 of a book, which means that I’ve had the time, just not the motivation to write on this blog. I haven’t really wanted to, and I say that with no specific connotation.

I think it’s because at times it’s daunting to think through one’s life, what everything means, and what one is supposed to do about all of it. Sometimes that’s hard. It takes time, and there are easier things to think about...like whether or not George really did deserve to get the parking space, given he was idling at an unacceptable distance from the parking space.

So...what have I been up to? Well, if you are reading this, I thank you because I don’t want to come across as one of those really self-involved people (or someone who lots of people think is self-involved because they have a blog and write about themselves all the time on it...I mean, this is the first post in months so I can’t fall into that category because it’s clearly not ALL the time). Anyway, I thank you for reading it because it’s awesome to see that my friends are interested in my interpretation of my life and what I’ve been doing (or not doing).

Since my last post a few months ago I have:

1. Graduated with my MBA from UW Madison

2. Visited Los Angeles, Mexico, Charlotte, and have trips planned to Germany and Chicago, and am thinking about seeing as many friends as I can before I start my job in Atlanta.

3. Speaking of, I am starting a new job in ATL with Deloitte.

4. Attended my 5-year college reunion where I caught up with old friends and made new ones that make me wish we had met earlier in life (looking at you, Millennium hotel buddies); stayed up until 4 AM pretty much every night; ate a lot of Mexican food that reminded me of freshman year; danced at Shooters (still got it); ate some wonderful food and got to re-live being roommates with my dear friend Meghan Tilley and her two goldendoodles who are my favorites.

5. Wished I could do college over again. Duke is the best. Haters gonna hate.

6. Performed an Adele cover in front of all my classmates and graciously appreciated everyone’s enthusiasm even though it was a little rough.

7. Started doing a little bit of stand-up comedy on a gutsy, spontaneous, self-directed dare just to “see how it goes”. More thoughts on this later.

8. Introduced my dog to swimming. She’s unimpressed.

9. Ran an 8K. Realized I’m a little out of shape.

10. Witnessed two weddings of close, wonderful friends that inspire me every day to be a positive, encouraging person.

11. Realized that I’m actually moving cities soon and am too afraid to think about it too much because it’s summer in Madison. 

12. Become an AUNT to an amazing little boy who already has shown his resilience, patience, and determination in this world even though he’s only two months old. I was so excited to meet him, and I’m so proud of my brother and sister-in-law for being amazing parents to this kid.

SO this is where I’m supposed to write about something big, bold, and breathtaking in order to make whomever reading this all fuzzy inside and reveal some bigger truth to the world. That’s probably not going to happen, as much of the above happened out of spontaneity, planning on the part of other people, and teamwork. But, as usual, I don’t enjoy talking about myself that much in terms of sharing super emotional thoughts, which is ironic since I have a blog. So I’ll try, in the form of answering questions that people have asked me recently about these things that at the time I didn’t have great answers to.

Wow, congratulations! How do you feel now that you’ve graduated?

Well, self, I feel slightly the same as just weeks ago when I was writing a group paper, wondering when it will get warm and actually be summer instead of thinking about when so-and-so will actually start writing their part of the write-up in the google doc. I can see that they are looking at the google doc currently, but nothing is happening!! Write your stuff!

Honestly, it’s hard to put into a phrase how I feel about graduating. It’s such a loaded question and different meanings behind it. I do feel a little bit sad now that I’ve graduated because it’s a chapter in my life that I can’t get back. There was a lot of anticipation, curiosity, and excitement that went along with enrolling in graduate school. New friends, new classes, new adventures, and now that it’s over, I know that I’m officially moving into a new age-defining chunk of life where there’s no more school, no more Thursday night bar hopping, no more “let’s pretend we’re in college again because we kind of are but we know better”. Now, there’s this pressure to really act my age, go back to the professional, cook-dinner-every-night, go-to-bed-before-11 version of myself. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

However, I don’t start work for another 3 months so....let’s keep doing summer!

Are you excited about moving to Atlanta?

This is even a tougher question to answer. The past five years in Madison have been life-changing. I have met so many different people, who have impacted me in ways that have shaped who I am today. I started my life in Madison not knowing much about the city, not really knowing what to do with my “first real job out of college”, and not knowing too many people. I was so thankful to have moved here with one of my best friends and room with her - otherwise I think I would have gone crazy!

Along the way, I have met and become very close friends at Epic who I am going to miss terribly. They are like my family here, and the biggest challenge the past two years in business school has been balancing time with business school friends and events and seeing my Epic friends. I know I haven’t seen them as much as I have wanted to, but they mean the world to me. They have challenged me to be a better person and encouraged me beyond words.

The next chapter in Madison took me from the suburbs to downtown, which in and of itself seemed like a move to an entirely new city. The culture here is one that contains college-aged kids milling around, an entrepreneurial spirit, and folks who have lived here for decades. The city comes alive each night (especially in the summer) to celebrate life, friends, and a good time (with a healthy amount of beer).

Looking back on the past two years in business school, I have definitely grown in different ways, both personally and professionally. I’ve made some incredible friendships with other driven, passionate people who are going out into the business world to make a difference around the country and the globe. It’s been amazing to meet and work with folks I wouldn’t otherwise have met, and the one thing that comforts me as I leave is that they’re also leaving to explore new cities. It’s difficult to imagine parting with the city and the university that has impacted me so much.

And, just as I thought I was wrapping up my time here in Madison with graduation, I took a chance and got up on stage to try to make some people laugh. I sincerely wish I had stumbled into the creative scene earlier because these comedians are amazing. They inspire me to think about life in different ways and to find humor in tough situations. 

Today, I know that I am leaving, but in my current mind I try not to think about it because it’s going to be very hard to leave the people that I love and call my home right now.

[adreaminthedaylight]

A Sonnet

I hope a day will come when I will be

So confident in who I love and want;

Afraid of not a thing ahead of me

And he will be the same; my dreams he’ll haunt.

He’ll want to try to win my heart, no less;

To love to see me smile all night and day,

And celebrate by giving happiness

He’ll hate to see me go and want to stay.

I hope the distance won’t dissuade his heart;

The past excuses, popular they are.

I hope with him the down-ward trend won’t start.

Especially the lie that I’m too far!

No matter where I am and what is near

I want someone who loves me through the fear.

[adreaminthedaylight]

One of my dreams was to become a famous musician. I didn’t exactly want to be famous so that everyone knew who I was, or to get in to all of the great parties or events (although that would be fun). It was that the songs that I heard by my favorite musicians were all so beautiful, complicated, and mysterious. Some of them were about real and broken things that happened to these people, and I was impressed at how brave they were to actually sing about them, in front of everyone, not caring that everyone knew. In fact, they were happy for everyone to know.

This is one aspect that I really admire about Taylor Swift as a songwriter. Ok, ok, some of you may not really be into her overly catchy music, but when you learn that she writes all of her lyrics, it’s pretty impressive. I’m not sure I would be able to pour my guts out for millions of people about a breakup with someone that everyone knows who I’m talking about...but she does it.

Kelly Clarkson recently performed her song Piece By Piece live in front of millions of people. A song about abandonment, emotional abuse, and healing, this amazing artist put it all out there in a raw (and I would say more moving) version of the studio track on her most recent album. Pregnant? No problem. Hormonal? No problem. This lady is the definition of brave.

But this is what I like about honest music: it strips away the image of the artist; it shows their humility and humanity in a way that we may not be able to vocalize. For example, numerous children go through abandonment at a young age, and many don’t know how to express how they are feeling. Music does that for them. 

There’s something magical that happens when someone that you don’t know, that you’ve never met, and has no idea what is going on in your life perfectly explains and expresses exactly what you never knew you needed to say. This is what I love about music. And I guess that’s what I wanted in my dream: to be able to have the privilege to put to words and music what people I may not meet are going through. 

[adreaminthedaylight]

A Tribute

˜Win Robinson, my tenth and twelfth grade Spanish teacher was an inspiring man who challenged me and my classmates in and outside of class. He found creative and motivating ways to teach us Spanish grammar, vocabulary, and literature. I realized today that he led the way for me to study Spanish literature in college, study abroad, and cherish my language abilities.

One of my favorite activities we did in his class was watching Disney movies in Spanish. Although these classes were “easy” days, it was such a great way to learn and engage with the language in a medium that all of us enjoyed. I think we even coined watching the movie “Finding Nemo” as “nemoar” (if you’re not familiar with Spanish, this is like the equivalent of turning a noun like “cheesecake” into a verb by tacking on an “ing” at the end). 

It was strategies like “nemoar” that made AP Spanish fun during senior year. We all knew that this nearly impossible standardized test loomed at the end of the year, but Señor Robinson made sure that we took a break now and then.

He really prepared us for the AP exam. He provided study guides, past exam questions, and made sure he tailored our in-class tests to the strategies that were in the AP test. He dedicated his time and preparation for class to make sure that we had the tools we needed to succeed. 

In reading an excerpt from Liz Hill’s (CCDS alumna ‘11) speech honoring Sr. Robinson this past spring when he received the 2015 Distinguished Faculty Award, I couldn’t agree more that the way Sr. Robinson conducted class was surprising. I remember sitting in his class in tenth grade, not 100% confident that I knew how to say “such-and-such” in Spanish, or what the meaning of an excerpt was in the book we were reading, but out of nowhere, I would hear my name. “Y Liz, que piensas?” He would call out questions popcorn style to anyone and everyone, even if they were trying their hardest to not be noticed. It’s classes like this that I forget, but when I’m reminded of them, I look back in admiration. I admired him because he wasn’t bothered by students’ discomfort. He wanted and intended to challenge us, because if we knew he would challenge us, we would certainly be prepared.

I so wish I could have attended this past year’s graduation to see Sr. Robinson be recognized for his contributions to the school. He was one of my best teachers, and I owe a lot to him:

1. If I hadn’t had Sr. Robinson as my AP Spanish teacher, I probably wouldn’t have passed the exam

2. If I hadn’t passed the exam, I most likely wouldn’t have continued taking Spanish in college

3. If I hadn’t taken Spanish in college, I wouldn’t have studied abroad in Spain

4. If I hadn’t studied abroad in Spain, I wouldn’t have majored in Spanish, wouldn’t have cultivated a love of traveling and experiencing other cultures, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with touring Europe, and I wouldn’t have made some of my best friends at Duke

5. If I hadn’t have made some of those friendships or connections with traveling, I wouldn’t have the same enthusiasm and inkling to explore new places

The list goes on...

This is just one student’s perspective...

Gracias, Sr. Robinson por enseñarme el Español, y por enseñarme ser aventurera. Es por usted que tomé riesgo en mis estudios en la universidad y que no tengo miedo de suponerme un reto. Pienso en usted cuando escuchar la música latina, mirar a nemo, y llamar a mis amigos “mapache”. Que descanse en paz.

[adreaminthedaylight]

Redeem your tuition

When I sit down to write, it takes me a while to start. There are so many places to start, and so many angles from which to begin. Sometimes I have the urge to write about one thing but really end up finding my voice in something else entirely. 

Am I abandoning my instinct?

I sat down tonight wanting to express a lot of things: frustration, disappointment, discouragement, angst, worry. Hope? Honestly, I’m not sure where this post is going to lead, but I’m determined.

My good friends should know that I like a challenge, especially academically. I need puzzles to solve. I need to feel as if I’m two feet from the top of a wall, with no rope, inches from seeing what’s on the other side, knowing that I can get there even if I have no idea how.

In my past experience in my undergraduate years, I thrived. There were meaningful discussions, collaborative inquiries, and colorful, respectful dialogue. Students knew what they wanted to say, and didn’t waste time saying it. Every comment I made was heard. Each student was important to the movement of the class. 

There are moments now where I look back with longing. Where I was listened to before, my comments are repeated, with no acknowledgement of the fact, or constructive feedback from professors for the repetition. Presentations, readings, assignments: ignored and put to the last minute. There is no passion, only complaining.

Yes, there was plenty of complaining in my undergraduate classes, but there was reason to. It was f***ing hard! You try completing 20 proofs in an hour before class, and you’ll surely fail. The work required thought, persistence, iteration. Now, I don’t know where the challenge is sometimes.

Readers are going to take this post the wrong way, as if I’m criticizing my classmates or institution. I don’t want them to. I myself have fallen into a pit of procrastination and settling. And I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of not being listened to in class.

I’m disappointed with professors not calling students out for being disrespectful, repetitive, and/or wasting time. 

I’m frustrated that our culture lacks curiosity, motivation, and persistence. 

But, I’m hopeful. We are in higher education institutions for a reason. We want to learn. That’s why we’re in grad school to begin with, right? Then, why aren’t we psyched about learning? What will it take to get there again? Am I alone in this? This is our education that we’re paying for, let’s actually redeem our tuition instead of whining about work that’s actually not as difficult as we feel it is.

So this is my challenge to my colleagues and myself: redeem your ticket. Read for lecture. Get into the cases. If you don’t, then you’re losing at your own game.

[adreaminthedaylight]

Entitled?

Entitlement. This is a buzz word, or rather, a word that’s used with frequency as of late. When I hear this word, an image appears in my mind of someone who is ignorant to the experiences and desires of others that aren’t like him or her and (consciously or unconsciously) believes they deserve every advantage over others.

So, I was curious today and decided to look up the meaning of “entitlement”, which led me to the definition of its root word, “entitle”.

And that’s where a switch flipped. Here’s the definition of “entitle”:

transitive verb

- to give a title to

- to furnish with proper grounds for seeking or claiming something

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entitled

Ok, this may not be fascinating to you, but the definition of this root word struck me as really subtle and intriguing. For one, it’s a transitive verb, meaning something is transferred from the Subject to the Direct Object of the action. There’s an exchange that takes place: one person gives another person the claim or right to something. 

The word originates from times where a title to an asset would exchange hands. For example, if I were have to sold my house to another person, I would entitle them to the house and have claim to the house they purchased.

So, when I saw this definition, something clicked in my mind - something that I didn’t expect to think about.

The people we describe as “entitled” in today’s culture are really exactly the opposite - they have not been given a title directly from someone for the privileges to which they have access. They have not been furnished “with proper grounds for seeking or claiming something”. They simply claim these privileges as their own.

This is not to say that some people don’t have rights to certain assets such as land, homes, vehicles, etc. The type of “entitlement” I’m referring to here is that which has been referenced many times over in the media: scenarios that have perpetuated selfish, greedy and bullying behavior.

Using the word entitled to describe the type of person I described above is a disservice: the picture that we’re trying to describe is something else entirely. Rights have not been bestowed on those that are acting this way. These rights have been fantasized; they have been bullied into a certain population’s hands without authority.

Instead of using entitled to describe individuals that perpetuate inequality and abuse of power, shouldn’t we use words that accurately describe the situation? 

Delusional? 

Usurpers? 

In my opinion, no one should have ownership (a title) to something that is for everyone to enjoy (free speech, opportunity, fair treatment, to name a few). We shouldn’t continue to label those that take what’s not theirs with a word that inherently means to exclusively own the right to these things.

[adreaminthedaylight]

Why can’t movies be like ones from the ‘80s anymore?

Do you know what I miss about my childhood? The way that we felt things. Every moment was meaningful. We got scared, but were fearless. We hadn’t yet conformed to a mold. We could dream without expecting disappointment. We could make a fool of ourselves in front of our friends. We could tell stories that didn’t have endings. We were free.

As an adult (not sure if I like that word yet or not), I love watching coming-of-age movies, especially those made in the ‘80s. There’s something pure and raw about those films. They make you want to recapture the innocence about the future. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was felt. I recently watched Stand By Me (tonight, actually). I had always loved the song by Ben E. King, and had watched another ‘80s classic the other weekend which inspired me to search for other films I hadn’t seen from that decade. There were many powerful moments in the film that made me wish more movies were made like this one. 

For example, the scene where Gordie tells Chris that he wished he would have died instead of his brother as they sit next to the body of another young boy is one of the most heart-wrenching yet encouraging moments in cinema I’ve seen in my life. It’s heart-wrenching because you realize the reason that Gordie wanted to go on this adventure to begin with: he hadn’t processed the death of his brother, Denny, yet. You also realize the complexity and impact of his parent’s grief of Denny’s death on him. And you also have the opportunity to suffer with Gordie as he struggles with doubting his own self-worth. 

On the other hand, it’s an encouraging moment for the viewer in terms of the choices made by the producers of the film. Chris and Gordie express pure vulnerability and selfless friendship in this moment which is a rarity in movies today. These boys are not afraid to express themselves. They have pure compassion for each other, and are not afraid to show that compassion. It’s also encouraging because it teaches the viewer that although there is suffering, one doesn’t need to and shouldn’t suffer alone. The exchange shows that there can also be healing and hope that can be made through friendship.

If I were to guess what would happen in this particular scene if it were produced today, I would confidently say that we wouldn’t see this level of vulnerability from young male actors. I’d imagine the exchange between Chris and Gordie would involve some type of guttural noise and blank look on the part of Gordie, a swig of stolen whiskey, and a punch on the shoulder from Chris with a phrase like “Yea, man” or some off-color joke that somehow makes the situation less sad. But is that better? Yes, it may make the scene more palpable to the audience, but that’s not what childhood or adolescence or really life should be portrayed as, because that’s not what really happens. We suffer, and that should be expressed.

The last line that the writer types on his (very outdated) computer is:

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

I completely agree. I don’t know who I would be today without the selfless, loyal, and weird friends that I had (and still have to this day) when I was twelve. This movie is hands down probably one of the best that I’ve ever seen because it really captures the essence of the friendships that everyone should experience growing up. I know that I’m thankful for mine.

[no-greater-joy]

Peace Corps by the numbers

June 19, 2015

I’m changing up Peace Corps by the numbers this month to draw attention to the human rights abuses currently happening in the DR.

 2013—year in which the Dominican Constitutional Court decided citizenship would no longer be granted automatically to people born in the DR

1929—year to which the Court retroactively applied its decision

100,000-500,000—estimated number of Dominicans born in the DR, to Haitian parents, that have been stripped of citizenship, rendering them stateless and eligible for detention and deportation

250,000—number of people who have reportedly started the application process for residency in the DR

10,000—number of people who have met all of the requirements for residency in the DR

300—number of people who have actually received permits to remain here

36—large buses solicited by the Dominican government for use in deportation trips

7—deportation centers opened by the Dominican government near the Haitian border

2,000—police and military officers that have received special training for deportations

So many—Dominicans of Haitian descent and Haitians who are leaving the DR “voluntarily” for Haiti

-Volunteers in the capital have reported seeing huge crowds of people, surrounded by Dominican military and police, waiting to board buses to Haiti. One remote community in which I work is now completely emptied of people of Haitian descent, as all decided to leave for Haiti. In my own community, spaces primarily occupied by people of Haitian descent are staring to empty, and multiple large trucks have passed daily, delivering people to the border.

Sources: Articles cited in this post.

[thouartloosed]

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2 NIV (via thouartloosed)

[thouartloosed]

Remember to continue to pray for Nepal, her people, and those who are on mission within her borders. May all find peace, healing, and compassion with one another, so that Nepal can be whole again.

[adreaminthedaylight]

Expression

Today was unique for me: I got lost in the countryside of Baraboo, WI; climbed through brush in a dress; and emanated my inner Black Swan, all while hanging out in a rustic horse stable.

That sounds pretty random, right?

To be honest, I was a bit nervous when I walked into the Wild Rose Ranch, not knowing what to expect of my first “official photo shoot”. First, I was running 15 minutes late due to Google map difficulties and lack of reception. Second, I felt somewhat like a pack mule lugging half of my wardrobe in random tote bags and my beat-up suitcase across the gravel sidewalk (not a very elegant moment for me). And third, I’m pretty sure every other model there had their mom or dad with them and were at least 5-10 years younger than me. (Made me wish my mom was there too!)

There were many moments throughout the day that I doubted myself. “Am I too old for this?” “I wish I had started doing this earlier...” “Oh gosh, I hope I don’t look like a deer in the headlights” “Please don’t let me trip on this log, please please please!!”

But there were a handful of moments that I felt something fantastic. The photographer would say a couple of encouraging words and it would help to crack more of my shell open - slide away the protective film in front of my eyes. You hear photographers say “Strong eyes”, or something, that seem very trivial. But in fact there’s a change that goes on inside you - actually feeling something different moves that feeling through your eyes and changes the shot.

At the beginning of the shoot I wasn’t sure how the photos were going to turn out, but after getting a sneak peek at a few of the shots, I am SO excited to see how the photographer captured those brief moments of expression: anger, timidness, wistfulness, hope, and love. I just hope I can keep growing!

[adreaminthedaylight]

The music in me

I’ve always been a fan of music - whether I’m playing it, practicing it, or listening to it. When I was eight years old, I started taking piano lessons and continued my classical training until I graduated from high school (Ok, I took a year off in middle school when I thought I knew better :P). I also started playing the clarinet in fifth grade and continued that until I graduated from high school as well. 

When I got to college, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to major in yet, and thought that I may be interested in pursuing a minor in music because I loved becoming a part of the melody and being able to express the feeling behind the notes I was playing. 

I didn’t end up having enough time to complete the required courses for a minor, but I’m very glad that I took several courses including songwriting and voice lessons. My senior year I even dabbled in some electronic music which was really fascinating.

At the time, I don’t think I realized how happy music made me. It had always been a part of my childhood and daily life that I didn’t think much about what it would look like or feel like to not have a routine that included it.

For the past three years or so, I occasionally sat down and played a couple of easy piano pieces when I was bored, but never took the time to really challenge myself or learn something new.

During the past couple of weeks, I have been preparing for a showcase with my classmates at the business school, and honestly it has been SO much fun. It has been literally almost 9 years since I played in a band, and it not only has allowed me to express myself, but be able to acknowledge everyone else’e amazing talent and participate in something bigger. 

I’m by no means an expert, but this experience has opened my eyes to the music I didn’t know I missed, and I can’t wait to continue jamming out!

[adreaminthedaylight]

If you have heard of or read C.S. Lewis, one of his most impactful works is The Screwtape Letters. It is written in a very unique style - from the perspective of one of Satan’s minions, Screwtape, to the minion’s nephew, Wormwood. 

It shines light on the subtleties that evil has on man and the ways in which Satan tempts us. 

Below are two excerpts that stand out to me. The first being a moment in the novel that explained how spirits are sometimes defined as forces, which minimizes the conscious power they evoke. 

The second describes the distinct characteristics of God versus that of evil.

Note that since the novel is written from evil’s point of view, “Enemy” here means God.

“If once we can produce our perfect work—the Materialist Magician, the man, not using, but veritably worshipping, what he vaguely calls “Forces” while denying the existence of “spirits”—then our final victory will be in sight. But in the meantime we must obey our orders. I do not think you will have much difficulty in keeping the patient in the dark. The fact that “devils” are predominantly comic figures in the modern imagination will help you. If any faint suspicion of your existence begins to arise in his mind, suggest to him a picture of something in red tights, and persuade him that since he cannot believe in that (it is an old textbook method of confusing them) he therefore cannot believe in you. ”

Excerpt From: C. S. Lewis. “The Screwtape Letters (Enhanced Special Illustrated Edition).” iBooks. https://itun.es/us/Pckuz.l

“But the obedience which the Enemy demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does want to fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself—creatures whose life, on its miniature scale, will be qualitatively like His own, not because He has absorbed them but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over. Our war aim is a world in which Our Father Below has drawn all other beings into himself: the Enemy wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct.”

Excerpt From: C. S. Lewis. “The Screwtape Letters (Enhanced Special Illustrated Edition).” iBooks. https://itun.es/us/Pckuz.l

[adreaminthedaylight]

Not Just a Woman

There are a lot of different ways to approach discussion around diversity, especially depending on what definition of diversity is being used. A recent publication that we read for our strategy class defined diversity in business terms as a state where a group of people with a variety of skills produced more benefits than a group of people with the same skills. 

I had never thought of diversity from this perspective before, but the theory behind it is something that I can relate to. The author approached the problem like a mathematical proof, the likes with which I am very familiar from my undergraduate years at Duke.

We also read other articles about organizations announcing "strategic" moves based on goals of introducing more diversity in their firms. However, these announcements didn't align with the theoretical benefits of diversity. Instead, the firms spread out their argument like paint on a canvas: "We are diverse now! Look at us and our met quotas."

After our discussion ended in class, it left me thinking about how articles like these impact me and my opinion of how organizations create hiring quotas. For example, one article wrote about a firm that set a quota of raising the number of women in high-level positions in the company. Reading back through the article, I can't clearly decipher the reason for this goal - other than wanting to raise their ratings on inclusivity.

On some levels, as a woman, I understand why firms release these announcements. There are gender disparities in the workplace that favor male employees in high-level roles over female. I strongly believe in gender equality in the workplace, but there's something in publications like these that rub me the wrong way that's hard to articulate.

I think mainly it's the simplicity with which firms categorize me and my gender: 

As women employees. 

That's all. 

In these articles, the solution to a lack of gender diversity is to increase the number of women. Ok...so then what? 

As a professional, I'm not just a female. I have a background, skills that I have developed, and areas in which I want to grow professionally. I value the support of teamwork, am a perfectionist when it comes to projects I care about, and like to make people laugh in tense situations. I'm a college graduate, love music and fashion, and think creatively.

But where are these types of hiring quotas? Why don't companies screen potential new employees based on these deep-level characteristics? In my opinion, workforces would be a lot more exciting, collaborative, and productive if they did.

[adreaminthedaylight]

Putting others first

We've all heard it - "Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you". The Golden Rule is something that we all learned at a young age and were taught to practice on a daily basis. 

My fellow Greystone Girls will remember that the "secret of Greystone is unselfishness". Over and over again, I have been taught to put the needs of others before my own and to love unselfishly in relationships.

Recently, I had a spiritual discussion with fellow classmates about being spiritual in the business world. The discussion stems from three behaviors: being holy, just, and loving all at the same time. The discussion around love was very inspiring because it not only described how to show empathy and mercy to others, but also highlighted ways in which love can be abused. For example, if gone unchecked, one can become a doormat to others and sacrifice their own principles.

Now, we framed this discussion with a business perspective, but I think that this lesson can be readily applied to everyday life. Personally, I struggle with not knowing when my giving to others crosses over into the doormat territory, and unknowingly abandoning my own boundaries and needs. 

This is to say that I still believe that unselfishness is the key to finding joy in relationships, but my recent conversation with my classmates put a new perspective on it - that the love that you show to others should be a reflection of God's love - yes, unselfish and giving, but maintaining one's own principles at the same time. Otherwise, it's very possible to lose sight of the reason behind the love that you're giving.

So to those out there that can identify with this - I understand! I'm there with you, and will be challenging myself to keep sight of what I stand for and to not compromise that for others.