ADHS

This is my real blog, the one I’ll post all the real stuff to; maybe like a public diary of my thoughts, things I don't want to share with people I know but want to say. I’m Elizabeth. I’m 19, INFP. I like minimalism, elegance, and being cozy.  I like creative writing, art, and horseback riding. Dessert is my weakness, and I long for adventure.

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

So awhile ago I posted about wanting to sing at home and not being able to because of the pandemic and everyone quarantined at home. Well I took a long, needed shower and sang. It felt so good to be as loud as I want. Nobody said anything, banged on the door, nothing. I even sang while drying off, without the cover of a shower running. Of course, I sang with music, very loud music, but still, it feels good to finally test some of my limits. I still think that if I were truly alone I could test the waters more, really dive in. But for now, I’m good and happy with my little act of bravery for today.

I’ve noticed myself becoming more brave. More open to the public. More comfortable in my skin. I’ve been dancing more, laughing more, being silly. Not caring so much about being embarressed. It feels good. And it’s good to feel good. 😊

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

Hair troubles

I really want my hair to be long. Over half a year ago, I went to the salon and had it cut. My hair had been ~1/3 down my back. Then it was just over my shoulders. I loved having it short. Like, so much. It was easier to comb, didn’t tangle up as much. It was easy to style. It was light. It was fun and I felt so cute. My hair is between that curly and wavy stage, more towards curly. I got so fed up with it being long, it tangled and took forever to comb, that I hated it. I didn’t like to straighten it because it took forever, it took a lot of product, but when it was nice, I loved it. It was long, I felt pretty. But honestly, most of the time I didn't. It was frizzy and uncontrolled. I loved the curls, like something out of a fantasy, but it was mostly unruly and I’m not the kind of girl who wants to spend time on her hair.

The problem is, I want it long. I see all these pictures of people with long beautiful hair. Straightened, healthy, curled into beachy waves. And i want that so badly for myself. I want to look like that because I know that’s what people like. I want to fit in. And being single, I want guys to think I’m pretty in that way. I feel like my hair type doesn’t get as much appreciation, and maybe that’s just me, Idk.

But I know that I’m happiest with it short. I just don’t know. How am I meant to have it both ways? I can’t. And I know that. It honestly makes me sad, and frustrates me. It’s just another thing about myself that I’m angry about, because both ways, I lose something that I like about myself. I know there are bigger problems in the world, but if anyone wants to chat, please do.

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

I really want to have a car ride, road trip, with a guy best friend. And like, slowly fall in love with them with each song sung, every landmark reached, every Oh my God why didn’t we get gas we’re going to die out here, every Snack pit stop, and wow I’m so happy I’m here with you. I want that so bad

Just someone I’m utterly myself and comfortable around

Someone who’s fun and dependable and a friend

I want to live more romantically. Even just in car rides.

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

Omg y’all Ben solo singing Music of the Night to Rey.

Imagine...

Someone please do this for me, art or something y’all please. 😭😭😭

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

I’m so sad because I just want to see if I can even sing but every time I let myself go a little more and try to be a little bolder someone bangs on my wall or door and tells me to stop. I’m so mad at my family for making me be smaller than I want to be.

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

I really want to learn to play the piano, like at least one passionate song. I want to play something I can do with passion but I’m so scared to learn around my family bc they are so easily irritated. The one time I’m meant to be home because of quarantine is unfortunately the same time everyone else is home.

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

Reasons I need my own place:

Singing

Dancing

Wearing what I want

Interior design

Cooking

Baking!!!!

Pets (family’s allergic, so I don’t want to hurt them)

Friends, whenever

Tv whenever

No one can yell at me for my mess

I can keep it clean how I want and organized how I want

I can be alone

Reasons I know I can’t have my own place yet

I can’t financially support myself

I’m scared to be alone

I need help with stuff and that’s ok

I’ll get there one day but for now I know I can come home to less responsibility and relax bc I know my parents are here to support me. And I should be thankful (and I am)

[adventuredreamingheartseeking]

I just watched Frozen 2 and I want to try and sing into the unknown but because of the virus, everyone’s at home... so nope!

[huffpost]

[ohhjenesuispas]

I will reblog this every time.

[papayapetal]

Literally this.

[animalwondersmontana]

Getting dirty, asking questions, being unapologetically enthusiastic about things, going overboard on projects. These are a few of my favorite things.

[living-in-an-infinite-fiction]

This is so heartbreaking, but so true.