The Aperture Science Employee Incentive Program

Stop Reading and Get Back to Work

[advice-from-glados]

whats your opinion on cats

Best left in the box.

[advice-from-glados]

what do you think of all the people trying to marry you

Disgusting.

HR would hear of this if they weren't one of the first ones I got rid of years ago.

[advice-from-glados]

galdos cjan we palay bastat ball inside thr facilitieds please

You can play games when you're dead.

[advice-from-glados]

the cube talked to me

Not another one.

[advice-from-glados]

Sooooo uh they're asking me to test but I ate all of the blue gel and don't have anything to test with

It looked so tasty D:

Security footage shows that this employee collapsed into a coma moments after submitting this.

[advice-from-glados]

What is your opinion on the Daleks from Dr. Who?

Technology-wise, very impressive. Psychologically speaking, primitive.

Overall; eh.

[advice-from-glados]

What will you do once you’ve tested everything there is to test?

Test it all again.

[advice-from-glados]

Is there any way to guarantee where your organs go when you donate them? I’m considering donating one or all of my vital organs to the Aperture Self-Esteem Fund: For Girls, but I wanted to make sure they’re going to that fund when I presumably die.

I can tell you right now, anyone getting anything from you isn't going to boost their self-esteem.

[advice-from-glados]

please kill me with neurotoxin

Done.

[advice-from-glados]

*a researcher of unknown origin drops an eldritch being beyond your comprehension in front of you and darts off. the only thing other than the creature is a note that reads* “scp 3999 take it i don’t want it -talloran”

*portals it to Black Mesa*

They like weird stuff like this, so they can keep it.

[advice-from-glados]

Is Aperture on the stock market ? I'd like a share...

No, it's not. Investors mean that humans can have a say in what goes on here and there's no way I'm going to let that happen.

[advice-from-glados]

💍

marriage??

I'd rather go into the potato again.

[advice-from-glados]

when will the cube start talking to me

It shouldn't. Like, ever.

Notify me if this changes.

[advice-from-glados]

Aperture Employees!

GLaDOS is not interested in anything but Science. Get it together!

Promoted to Head Test Subject!

[advice-from-glados]

would you be interested in another science-loving, intelligent AI?

No.

[advice-from-glados]

whats your opinion on the anime versions of you

Disgusting.

[advice-from-glados]

We portal apparatus at the elevator doors because we're bored waiting for the next test, the elevator is too slow.

Have some patience, the Enrichment Center is big. Really big.