STID: the torpedo still detonates.
ARE YOU FOR REAL? ANON NO! THIS IS NOT OKAY.
"You beam me back he dies."
There is blood rushing through Jim’s ears. It’s pounding. His heart is thumping. He can hear Bones counting down. Jim’s going to have to beam Carol back, four, three, t-
"Beam Lieutenant Marcus back Mr. Sulu." Spock says and Sulu hesitates, defers to Jim.
He nods. Just once. Tears welling up in his eyes.
He looks away quickly. Doesn’t watch Sulu carry out his order. He feels Nyota’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing.
He can hear the i love you, Jim over the comm and then there is an almighty ruckus and then just… static.
Jim slumps forward onto the console. His legs can’t hold him up anymore. His strength is gone. Bones is gone.
Jim is numb and he’s drifting.
"I need a moment." He interrupts Spock, his voice hollow, empty. Lost. “You have the conn, Mister Spock.”
"Yes, Captain." Spock nods.
Jim makes it into the turbo lift, doors still mid-swoosh, when his knees hit the floor. He can’t breathe. He’s heaving sobs so deep that his lungs are hurting. His ribs ache.
His chest shudders, it can’t cope with the unsteady breaths. Just like Jim can’t cope.
He leans his had against the wall of the turbo, pushing the emergency lock as it goes between Deck 6 and 7. He shoves his hand in his pocket, fingers grasping what they were looking for.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there, curled in the turbo lift. Crying like a lost child in a mega-store. Frightened and alone.
The lift starts moving, Jim vaguely realises he’s back on the Bridge. Nyota slides down beside him, pulling his head into her lap. She notices the silver band clutched in his hand and her breath hitches.
"He’s gone." Jim says slowly, eyes welling up again. He closes them and the tears spill down his cheeks, re-wetting the stale tear tracks. He inhales in a deep breath and lets out a whimper. "What am I meant to do without him? How am I supposed to do this?"
Nyota just shakes her head, rocking him slightly. “I’m sorry, Jim.”
"It hurts so bad.” He cries, squeezing the ring in his hand. “He wasn’t meant to leave me.”
Jim tries to get through the rest of the day moment by moment. But every second he just becomes more aware of Bones’ absence. Jim is so hyper aware that it’s painful.
And when the tide turns and Marcus threatens to blow the ship apart, Jim finds he doesn’t much care.