Po-Motri-Cia, Astrophysical Cat Wizard @aesmael - Tumblr Blog

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amazoogle

gorbling

this is fucked up. can anyone do something about this?

harbingersolution

thememedaddy

sindri42

I understand that most of your calls can be resolved by telling the dumbass on the other end to plug it in properly, or maybe turn something off and back on again. But I, an advanced dumbass, have already tried that and I'm afraid it's worse than either of us thought going into this.

lentilswitheverything

Once had an IT guy tell me the only possible explanation was a localised black hole under my desk disrupting the space time continuum, and I've always been obscurely proud of having an error that severe, even though it definitely wasn't me creating localised gravitational anomalies

bumblebeebats

I once had a computer problem so weird that it was escalated through like 4 different tiers of Apple Care until I was on the phone with this incredibly earnest guy who told me [in the thickest Eastern European accent imaginable]: "Oh my God... This is so strange... Haha!! Oh my God!!! Charlie, I will tell you, I have never encountered anything like this in my seven years of working here! All my days are spent usually helping people with stupid nonsense, but Charlie, you have brought me a PUZZLE! You have brought me a GIFT! I am FASCINATED! Now, I am going to get my manager, but Charlie, I PROMISE you. I PROMISE YOU, I will be back soon. PLEASE, Charlie, stay with me, and I PROMISE I will return to you and my manager and I will take care of you. OK?" and yes thank you i did tear up

teaboot

You encountered I.T. Poirot

gloryofdawn

Okay but did he fix it

caats

monstersdownthepath

Ioslon, Beloved by Worms

Chaotic Neutral Archfey of Spirals, Worms, and Obsession

Domains: Artifice, Chaos, Charm, Madness Subdomains: Toil, Protean, Captivation, Insanity Favored Weapon: Whip Symbol: A worm curled into a loose spiral Sacred Animal: Worms Sacred Color: Blue, purple

The temptation of the Demon Lords is not merely for mortals. The eternal paths that the Ravager Worm Yhidothrus carves through layer after layer of reality have attracted the attention of countless mortals and immortals alike who seek out the secrets that the great Demon Lord holds. Not a single one of them returns whole, if at all, and this does not change for creatures of great influence like Ioslon.

Once a revered craftsman among the Fey, Ioslon became curious of what hid within the boundless depths of the Spiral Path–Yhidothrus’ realm–and that curiosity quickly, pardon the pun, spiraled into obsession. Building himself a vessel he believed could survive the ravages of Abyss and Worm alike, Ioslon and a crew of his sycophants and faithful descended into the Path and, within a mere month, vanished beyond means of communication both magical and mundane for several centuries. Like many who’ve performed the very same foolish act, Ioslon was swiftly delegated to a mere footnote in the dusty tomes regarding the Ravager Worm, standing out only for his notable status as an Archfey.

That very same status is perhaps what ended up saving him from destruction, not that he ever said. His return was not a triumphant affair with ribbons fluttering through the air, no. Only a handful even knew he had returned at all until rumors of his workshop reopening began to circulate, though none were allowed inside. It was only when Ng the Hooded himself stepped up to the door and requested entry to the craftsman’s workshop that it was revealed what had happened to Ioslon. A writhing body of composite millions, a strange obsession, fiendish magic used to twist the world into unearthly shapes. Bringing the Abyss into the First World was usually a punishable offense, but Ioslon had plans for these exotic materials that the Hooded demigod found interesting and an assurance that stayed the Eldest’s hand:

“I have learned what I needed to from Yhidothrus.”

Ng was the first to receive a gift from the Beloved By Worms. It’s not known what Ioslon said and gifted to each of the Eldest and Archfey who visited in turn, but it has similarly quelled their anger for the time being, allowing the writhing Archfey to work in relative peace towards his… “goals.”

Keep reading

trust791

canthaveshitingotham-crucified

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

canthaveshitingotham-crucified

you get it. you get the themes. i dont have time to do it justice. just look at it its on the ceiling

brenna

teaboot

wheresmyphonemp3

fadingponycookiedream

andsorrowsend

werefeathers

#queued - any existing tags autocopied #poetry #is

monstersdownthepath

“Deity:” Clorpt, the Sifter

True Neutral Great Old One of Earth, Geology and Pedology*

*the study of soil

Domains: Earth Subdomains: Caves Favored Weapon: Sling Symbol: A silver ring around a rough stone. Sacred Animal: Worm Sacred Colors: Silver, brown, tan

Of all the Great Old Ones both great and small, few are more obscure than Clorpt, the Sifter, also known as the Soil Scholar, the Dirt Scholar, the Worm, or the Nilpotent, often earning itself nary a paragraph in the writings of occult scholars and the labyrinthine libraries in the Dominion of the Black. Whereas many Great Old Ones are known for their immense power, Clorpt is known for its lack of power and its lack of interest in obtaining more.

Little more than a foot long, Clorpt is more or less as harmless as the porous, metallic earthworm it resembles, despite its rather skillful control of earth and stone. It outright avoids combat by making use of its power to burrow through anything, and it refuses to burrow into living tissue for fear of contaminating the samples within its body. What samples, one may ask? Dirt.

The Sifter possesses knowledge of all manner of soils, stones, silts, and sands in a capacity that can be described as “awe-inspiringly exhaustive.” There is no being in any plane or on any planet that knows more about dirt and rock than Clorpt, a fact it is disproportionately proud of. Its interest in its field of study is so all-consuming that it refuses to communicate with anyone about anything else; any attempt at learning of the creature itself is met with annoyed silence as it attempts to tunnel away from the conversation and continue its ‘work.’

Keep reading

wagahai-da

acquiring target

≽^🜕⩊🜕^≼ target acquired.

≽^◉⩊◉^≼

pounce activating

retroactivebakeries

The Excrucian Sitcom

Margund Romarich is a Warmain of the Bleak Host who puts existence to the test of truth, inflicting both physical and spiritual violence to discover those who are are capable of living with a full understanding of the truth of their life, and, having found them, dispatching them to nonexistence. They bare the great spiked spear Hecatonchires, which is named Usurpation.

Teja Eberwulf is a Deceiver who loves you, but not the falsehood that is your material existence and experience of the world. They are an abstract contagion, violating the boundary of definition between things and the world to let the concrete meaning of things bleed out into symbolic interaction with the world.

Gemalfin Torlue is a Mimic, a patchwork god built from the mutilated Estates of Imperators killed in the Great War. They embody false ideas that we still have about the Estates of Contagion, Semiotics, Freezing, and the color Indigo. Their existence conceals a secret twisting blasphemy of the void that would unravel the world when their existence ceases.

Dynamene Kalanos is a Strategist plotting the murder of the world. Their vice is sloth, and they are dying of slow, creeping petrification.

They all live in an apartment, and they’re barely making rent! What kind of wacky, Friends-style sitcom antics will these foes of reality get into? Find out at 8, 7 central.

#six seasons and a movie #nobilis #glitchrpg #cmwge

boobookittenartblog

Montanoceratops a ceratopsian dinosaur that lived during the late Cretaceous in North America.

This herbivore was about 2.5 meters long.

Art by Joschua Knüppe

vampira-carmilla

Vampire blood necklace by melanchollin on ig.

king-of-fuffies

Okay, so-

The thing about Iolithae Septimian is that she tells lies, right. She tells lies and then sometimes they become truths (or parables, or myths), and there's a whole bunch of chaos that can arise from that? I think I'm getting that right but that's not entirely the point of this one. I'm getting off track. Apologies.

Okay, so Iolithae Septimian speaks the sacred lies, and at one point turned the sea to salt. This is already sort of tangential, she's kind of a huge deal, but we're given this advice to deal with her:

If you should meet her walking in the world bow before her for she is sacred; bring her oil and fine cloth; bow before her, three times bow; but she is Iolithae Septimian, and you must not let her speak. I do not know how you can prevent it but you must not let her speak.

And the thing is, right. Okay. I must not let her speak. This is harder than it sounds, but alright.

What if I kiss her.

Yes, I know that's a horrible idea, but, like- She must not speak. That's how you avoid horrible tragedy, and stuff. And- LOOK!

AS A LESBIAN, I'M JUST SAYING, IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HURT TO TRY???

Categorically it's not going to go well. I simply do not think that it's possible to attempt this and come out of it completely unscathed.

But, like. There's a chance I kiss her and we make out a little bit, and then she says something about my attraction to her? Which automatically becomes a lie, I lose interest and wander away, and she keeps it in her pState for a while as a way to remember a love that could have been?

But that's highly unlikely.

What's more likely is that our lips touch and I am instantly annihilated and replaced with a me-shaped statue made entirely of salt, or something equally debilitating like that.

Worth a shot, though.

king-of-fuffies

Hmm. Non-shitpost addition: now I'm envisioning a Deceiver who's nominally on the side of Creation, and all their arguments (in-universe) sound actually relevant and correct about the nature of reality- up until you ask them for solutions, at which point you realize their plan is just "kiss girls about it".

Call the pState something like "[Their Name's] Perfectly Normal Solution to the Falseness of the World", with the bullet points

Those who hear the solution believe that it will work.

The solution to the falseness of the world is to make out with Iolithae Septimian.

depsidase

thisnewjoe

This is like the tiger poem by the kid, but with more menacing pacing.

$fractiousrvt blog's avatar$

fractiousrvt

My middle school offered an 'outdoor survival' class and the teacher had a modified/simplified version of this. I don't remember the phrasing for most of them, but for 30 years, on any even moderately windy day, my brain will chant "60+ mph: Watch out for flying trees."

two-bees-poetry

wishingformemoria

just because someone can articulate their point better doesn’t make them right, it makes them articulated.

wishingformemoria

and you aren’t stupid for having trouble articulating yourself.

andre-30008

prokopetz

Lore-unfriendly companion who forcibly exits the menu screen to complain that they're bored if you spend more than five seconds reading an item description.

prokopetz

Lore-unfriendly companion who puts a real-time limit on NPC dialogue trees because if you try to explore every branch they'll wander off and accidentally cause some sort of incident. No other character is able to act in real time during dialogue in this fashion.

prokopetz

Lore-unfriendly companion whose presence in your party prevents you from ever finding out what the game's plot is about because the principal villain hates them so much they skip their monologue and fight on sight. What happened between them is never explained.

prokopetz

Lore-unfriendly companion who accidentally shoots the tutorial fairy while fiddling with their gun.