Hello. I would like to ask: How can I be more positive? I am such a negative person, and I'm sick of it. I'm done. I want to actually feel happy, and I want to got through life without worrying about other people judging me. I worry so much about judgement I started judging my self too hard and now I'm here. I can't hang up a poster in my own stupid room without worrying about someone making fun of me! Argh. It affects almost every aspect of my life! :( Any tips?
It’s something that HELPS your life and makes it a thousand percent better. I know a lot of people are genuinely negative and don’t even know it, or even want to change it. They just don’t see anything wrong in their behavior.
But you’re already different since you’re assuming you want to change and be more positive, which is already a huge step. Being aware of your own way of thinking is THE step.
I wish I could tell you a magical way of ending all insecurities and negativity in your life, but there isn’t. You just correct yourself along the way and slowly turn more and more positive, but always having ups and downs along the way. However, like I said, being aware of your own behavior is the crucial part because that’s what allows you to grow.
But I can help with ways I’ve become progressively more positive.
people around you are crucial. your company has a lot of influence on you, way more than you think. Spending energy and time in negative conversations and atmospheres is something you need to cut. And that goes from cleaning up your social media followings (unsubscribing, unfriending), to throwing away objects around your house, for example, that bring up bad memories. Get clean mentally. Get rid of stuff that doesn’t serve you. That harms you in a subconscious level. Do the best you can to evaluate the relationships in your life and see who is putting you down constantly. I understand the political correctness of not being able to stop talking completely to a family member, or maybe you like that person in general, except when they tell you will fail at that thing and will never make it, or when they say you have to go out and get drunk. In these situations, excuse yourself from those negative conversations or experiences, change the topic, say you gotta go do something. But you definitely don’t have to stay and listen because it will get inside your head. Don’t take other people’s opinions of you and make it your reality. They are not your reality.
practice gratitude. This made the whole difference for me. Every time I’m going through a tougher time I think about the bazillion different things that I’m so lucky and privileged to have in my life, no matter what is going on. No matter what difficulty. And that goes from the smallest things to the biggest things. I give you an example. Today I was walking down the street, minding my own business, brain flooding with all these different things and suddenly I see… this dog. This beautiful, snuggly, happy dog. A random dog, just walking calmly along their human, just calmly living their life. And I couldn’t help but smile. Dogs, man. Dogs. They are so pure. I feel like they’re a reminder that life is to be enjoyed. I just get happy around dogs. And it’s those reminders, those little bursts of happiness that make you realize along the way how incredible life is. It may be a sunset, a cup of tea, a laugh, a tv show, a cozy bed, a good moment with a person. They are just… there… for you. No matter what is going on. No matter what difficulty.
ask for help. You’re doing it now, and it’s great! :) But don’t be afraid to ask it in person too. Say your troubles, your fears to the people you trust. Don’t think that’s being vulnerable, it’s just being honest. I know it’s scary when you’re not used to it. But it builds you, because it’s a much more real and personal way of recognizing you are failing, or making a mistake, or having a difficulty and it’s affecting you. However, getting a good response from the other person sometimes, it’s all we need. More than that: a recognition. A realization the other person recognizes your problems and they are trying to relate, to understand, to help, to comfort you. Some problems causing negativity in our lives… have no solution. That’s the harsh truth. It’s emotional, but positive to be honest with someone we trust. It helps in the long run.
do things you love doing. love painting? buy your brushes! love architecture? plan your museum trips! whatever it is that you are randomly passionate about, it will enrich your life, therefore make you happier, more positive. include them in your daily habits!
do things that are good for you. Which sometimes aren’t particularly things we like doing aka exercising, eating healthy, keeping excellent hygiene, cleaning your house, studying, working. These will all benefit your life in the long run and give you much happiness but don’t necessarily bring you momentarily pleasure. They will make you live life with ease and therefore bring you positivity. Something to think about.
take it step by step. Like I said, it’s not going to happen magically and it’s a process, not a sudden decision. It’s something you learn and practice.
Ok. About that poster: PUT IT UP. You have to own up to your interests, whatever they are at the moment, doesn’t matter! Don’t take yourself too seriously. If it’s talked about, talk about it casually, own up to your interests but don’t feel the need to explain yourself or your privacy to anyone. Owning up to your interests basically means not being embarrassed by them. Not being afraid of showing them, or of being different. Not being loud, or crazy about them but also when questioned, not hiding it away.
About the judgment problem. This is a whole other question. In short, just like the comparison problem that I discussed in another ask, I think it’s a human race problem. We all take into account other people’s opinions. It’s how we live in a society. But you are not alone. I have to work through this too, I augment interactions with people, turning them into something they are not, replay conversations in my head, cringe at old things I said or different weird moments. You are NOT different or out of place for this. We all do this.
However, it’s important to realize other’s opinions are not more important than your own.
This requires confidence, which once again, doesn’t have a recipe, However, all of the things that helped me with me being more positive that I mentioned above do help me with my confidence. But that’s a whole other topic for me to discuss in this already long ask. If you want to, you can ask in another so I can explain my thoughts on it furder.
Be confident, be bold. Whatever that means to you inside your head, whatever the vision of you being confident is, act like that. Own up to your beliefs, realize that you must have good goals, good ambitions.
Sorry for taking so long to answer this, I just wanted this answer to be as complete as I could make it in this format.
I would encourage you to skim through this post where i listed a couple of Zen Habit Articles for a source of positivity. You can always skim through his website as well :)
For another huge helper for positivity is Yoga with Adriene. Just search her channel on youtube. Try one of her videos and you’ll see. I know it may sound weird but everyone should do try at least once yoga/meditation with her.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to answer this for you and I hope the advice reaches you. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ lots of love!
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