roma★
wallacepolsom
Stranger Things
blake kathryn
Not today Justin
izzy's playlists!
titsay
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Product Placement
styofa doing anything
PR's Tumblrdome
trying on a metaphor
@theartofmadeline
art blog(derogatory)
Mike Driver
tannertan36
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
AnasAbdin
Andulka
ellievsbear
seen from Poland
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from New Zealand
seen from Spain
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Philippines
seen from Canada
seen from Spain
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
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@aetla
YOU. COM HERE
we miss u binch
2020 has been the longest year of my entire life i stg.
love you guys .
protests are going down a couple of miles from me in the heart of seattle, and i cannot (but can) believe officers are covering up their badge numbers before heading in to escalate things.
good morning to john boyega only.
i can’t tell all y’all to log off and go protest but please. do what you can for blm if you’re able. sign petitions like this one. make videos / posts / tweets. get black lives matter and george floyd’s name trending. contact government officials. text floyd to 55156. this is a lot bigger than rp and white and nb mutuals especially need to show their support NOW.
the petitions I can find right now are 1 , 2 how to contact your government officials , the mayor’s # to call : 612 - 673 - 2100.
badge #s and info to report to the Minneapolis district attorney ( 612-348-5550 - Mike Freeman )
text Floyd to 55156
Derek Chauvin #1087
Tou Thao #7162
the gofundme for the family
people can send letters , cards , etc to the family here :
The Estate of George Floyd
c/o Ben Crump Law, PLLC
122 S. Calhoun Street
Tallahassee, FL 32301
Attn: Adner Marcelin
please please please support BLM right now — we all need to get involved in this — it was blatant racism and theh murdered a black man in cold blood. we need to help to raise the voice + call to action but not speak over black voices — find out your local protests , donate , contact government officials , get his name everywhere. we CANT sit by and let this bullshit get swept under the rug because you “don’t want to get involved in drama” because this shit isn’t drama — it’s the real world and silence unacceptable.
anyway, i just want to say that i love my dash 99% of the time. there are people i love with my whole heart on this dash. who do nothing but astound and amaze and delight me. who are socially aware / socially active / cautious / careful / kind. i follow a lot of people who i would trust to stick up for me on the street when others would cross to the other side. i follow a lot of people who i would gladly stick up for when accusations are thrown around because i see them. i see the kind of people they are. i know that they walk the walk when they talk the talk. i know that what they say on the dash is what they say in private is what they say in the face of bigots.
i follow people who are amazing writers / talented creators / really fucking good people. i follow people who might not be vocal on the dash, but they’re the first in your ims / dms / askbox. they’re the first to block. they’re the first to reblog and message their friends to stay safe. i follow people who continue to pour support to me even when i do jack shit. even when i’m not here. even when i’m not active. even when it seems like all i post are sad updates or shitposts.
i follow people who don’t have the skin in the game, but put their skin in the game when it matters. who educate themselves on the struggles of others. who offer a hand. who lift up the voices of the oppressed. who know when it’s time to step back and when it’s time to step up. i follow people who fight for representation for people who don’t look like them. who don’t experience the world like them. i follow people who give voices and respect to characters who might not get it in the real world.
i follow people who actively make the world a better place by existing and trying and trying again. whether it’s directly related to social justice issues. whether it’s related to grief and pain and loss and hurt. whether it’s being an ally or a friend or an ear or a mutual or a follower who just says ‘i have made space for you. i will always make this space for you.’
my dash is really, really good most days. it’s really, really good. and i love it. so after two separate posts reminding people of who i am and where i stand on this blog, i want you to know if i follow you, i appreciate you. and every time you weather the storms in your life or on the dash, when you come out the other side still fighting to be a good force in the world, i see you. and i thank you.
OKAY. now that that’s out of the way, i want to preface this post again that it might be rambly and meandering and nonsensical. the path i take to get to the point might not be succinct or coherent, but i don’t have the time or the energy to edit this down to fit whatever narrow, academic standard others might demand of me to ‘listen to my opinion.’
just so we’re clear, i think it’s fucking hinky to make a DNI list that features (correct me if i’m wrong) solely women of color in the FF fandom immediately after a racist incident and the line ‘performative allies of color.’ first of all, women of color cannot be performative allies to a struggle that they navigate on a daily basis. they cannot be performative allies of something they have inherited. it’s a fucking blood right at this point, it’s so steeped in the dead bodies of our brothers and sisters and the way that we will be denied personhood by our neighbors and our politicians and our countries.
second of all, it’s super fucking hinky to especially put a black woman on that list. and for what ????? because she’s tired ?????? because when fandoms reveal their racism and pedophilia and phobic mindsets for the umpteenth time, she takes swift action to make sure the offenders and their supporters aren’t on her dash???? because she also decided to curate her dash at that time so that it was a more friends only / intimate space for her so that she can have a fun and safe experience on tumblr.com ???? because she said y’all talk too much sometimes instead of taking action and moving on ????
sometimes you can talk TOO MUCH about an incident. sometimes you can linger TOO LONG on shit that HURTS. and by that i mean, my mother said to me this morning she had to turn the news off again because she was tired of seeing black bodies on the news. she was tired of seeing people that look like us slaughtered with no repercussions. she’s tired of hearing about it. she’s tired of looking at it. she’s tired of their bodies being rehashed for talking points and views and trauma. it’s traumatic to see the same shit again and again. it’s traumatic and exhausting to watch something be dissected when you just want to exist.
this is not telling people to not talk about issues. this is not telling people not to make callout posts, to reblog those callout posts, to warn the community of individuals who do not have the best interest of others at heart. this is saying that you can turn a hurt over in your hands so much that all it can do is continue to prick you. sometimes the best thing you can do is remove the thorns and surround yourself with flowers.
because, news alert, when you’re black in america, you don’t get to take a break from the bullshit. you don’t get to take a break from worrying about your life or your cousin’s life or your brother’s life or your mother’s life. when black folks say they’re tired of seeing it on the dash, it doesn’t mean they’re saying the pain is inconvenient. they’re saying they’re in pain. this is supposed to be a safe space. why is it another prison ????
again, let’s be clear here: when i log out of tumblr, i am still a black woman. and i still experience the black experience in america. i have had classmates draw black people hanging from trees while they draw hitler mustaches on their face. i have seen classmates get a teacher fired for wearing a hijab. i have had a kid ask me to homecoming only to let me know that his uncle is in the KKK and that we would have to be careful where we went together. i have been followed in stores. i have been made out to be angry and loud and bitter. i have had friends i thought were my friends tell me they ‘hate black people’ but that i ‘didn’t count.’ i have had my blackness denied and then weaponised against me. i have been told i was too dark. that my hair was too coily. that i was a nigger with the hard r.
i was told by classmates that obama shouldn’t have become president because black people already took sports from white people, they couldn’t take the white house, too. i have seen bricks thrown into the windows of my neighbor’s homes. i have seen children hoard guns to commit racial violence on the school next door to mine. there is a man in my neighborhood who yells about ‘stinky, fucking niggers’ every time we walk by him. i have buried a cousin to gun violence. i have seen an uncle survive six bullets to the chest over possession of weed. i know the men in my family better through bars than in living rooms. i don’t remember what it’s like to see them outside of orange jumpsuits.
my mother is called slurs as she takes care of people in hospitals, in their homes, as they hurt and they bleed and they need her help. i have been denied housing because of my skin color. i have been fetishized because of my skin color. i have had the talk with everyone in my family about how to keep our heads down / don’t go out at night / only yes sir to cops / don’t stop in these neighborhoods / keep driving / don’t look / don’t make eye contact when they throw stuff out the vehicle because there are more of them than there are of you and the only people who are going to fight for you not to be villainized for your own death are the people who look like you.
and it isn’t just white folks perpetrating violence on black folks. it’s nonblack poc, too. it is people who should be allies, but aren’t. who know their struggle, but not others. it’s the way white women keep calling the cops on black people for existing, and i don’t mean to trivialize the mass murder that is happening on our streets, but goddamn does it feel some type of way to see someone put a black woman on a list and INSTANTLY make her experience on tumblr increasingly unsafe. when you put someone on a DNI list, they better be a shitty person. they better be a toxic motherfucker. they better be someone who is actively making the community worse, because when you put a name out there, you shine a light on them.
and not everyone is going to do kind things with that light. not everyone is going to stop at looking, deciding, and moving on. you leave them open for harassment. you leave them open for stalking. you leave them open to be misjudged and mischaracterized and, fuck, misidentified. lumping a black woman in with ‘performative allies of color’ strips her of her skin color and her identity. and it’s so fucking funny that that seems Better and Right than listing, idk, the actual people perpetrating racism / colorism in the fandom. to list a black woman because she didn’t have the reaction you liked instead of the people actively making her time on this site unsafe is so fucking funny and so fucking typical.
AND LIKE TRULY, what’s more performative than that.
1) i know i haven’t been here the last couple of weeks. I KNOW. i know i know i know. and i’m sorry for the people waiting for replies and i’m sorry for the people waiting for plotting and i’m sorry for all the lovely people who have reached out in concern who have been met with silence in my end.
i was vague in my last post, but just so everyone’s clear: i lost a parent to covid-19 a couple of months ago. i lost her before the government even told me i should be worried about something like that. i lost her two hours before i even got to see her again after a quick trip to nyc. i lost her and the details of her death / post death are Not Pretty and They Can Be Triggering, so i won’t go into it, but it haunts me. and it scares me. and i miss her so fucking much.
i also recently lost an aunt to an ongoing condition she was born with. just like my mom, she has left behind two children (and just like my mom: one of them a minor), and i am grieving her loss as well. i’m grieving the loss of a cousin back in november. i’m grieving my grandma’s cancer diagnosis. i’m struggling with the loss of my job and the fear that my other mother, a healthcare provider, might be next on my list of people to lose.
i’m trying the best i can to be here and be present, but it’s hard. and i know that some of you know what that’s like. and i know that some of you know intimately what that’s like because you’ve also lost loved ones to a pandemic many countries weren’t prepared for. i am so sorry for your loss, and i thank you for the love you’ve been sending my way.
2) that being said, my next post is not going to be IC, either. it’s going to be personal, angry, and probably rambly, but i won’t feel good until i post it. in case you follow me and don’t know, i am a mixed race woman who primarily identifies as black and latine. i know exactly what i look like to white people and nonblack poc. i know exactly what kind of fear a body like mine has when a cop walks by. i’m also mentally ill. i’m also queer. i have suffered child abuse, domestic violence, and toxic romantic (and platonic) relationships. i have done sex work, and i will do it again. i am a strong ally and a safe space for ALL historically marginalized groups. you will find a safe space in me if we cannot share a struggle because while i might not know your struggle, i know you shouldn’t have to go through it, and you definitely shouldn’t have to go through it alone.
i am not a safe space for SWERFs, TERFs, anti-SJW, people who think slavery was over “100 years ago” either in america or elsewhere, people who use their identity as a marginalized individual to commit violence toward black people and black bodies, people who say “american is so regressive with their race problems” while talking shit about romani people out the side of their mouth, people who conflate the experience of being east asian in america (or anywhere really bc fuck colorism) with being south or southeast asian and overlook the damning statistics that show we can’t treat brown bodies of any ethnicity with care, people who regularly forget what land they’re standing on -- and no, this isn’t america specific -- because the indigenous populations of so many countries across the globe have seen their land stolen, colonized, and given back to them in piecemeal only to be taken again, etc etc etc.
i am ALSO not a safe space for people who weaponise a DNI list, especially against women of color, and that (along with some other things) is going to be contained in the next post.
@aetla and i are always talking about deleting so i finally made a meme to fit
I'M . . . ALIVE.
me: i'm an introvert
quarantine: exists
me: wait not like that -
i'm going to make a real post later thanking everyone who's reached out to me the past months re: covid-19 & loss in my life, but this really quick mobile post is for my duplicates !!!
i know duplicate anxiety is real and very valid considering what it's like to rp on tumblr, so i just want to say thank you to the aeriths (active and inactive) on my dash who continue to 1) provide me with really good aerith content, 2) comment on my shitposts, 3) let me comment on their shitposts, 4) love aerith as much as i do, and 5) reach out to me during this tough time despite whatever they're going through.
thank you very, very much: @gainsborro ; @aencient ; @cetrith ; @fcragil ; @rainheal ; @apollynn ; and one of the loml @rosaguard. there have been a multitude of people in my life who have stopped to offer me an ear, but i think there's something especially beautiful about all of you thinking of me during all this. i know some of you better than others, but i'm so grateful to have all of you on my dash.
received some horrific news recently !! might make a post about it later (tagged and under a read more) but rn it's time to cry and clean a little.
