a field of seeds

my name is kathleen. lend me some sugar, i am your neighbour!

[tomorrowcomesomedayblog]

[melisica]

[melisica]

Lola Scott

[spunkh]

[wenchyfloozymoo]

[sgeoffa]

[melisica]

Angélica Vis

[abduction]

[yoursummerdreamz]

[melisica]

(by David Uzochukwu)

[abduction]

[simpleisnewluxury]

[abduction]

[abduction]

[ein-bleistift-und-radiergummi]

From ‘Forbidden Fruit’ 1921 - An American silent drama film directed by Cecil B. DeMille, and starring Agnes Ayers, Forrest Stanley & Clarence Burton.

[afieldofseeds]

i quit my dreaming the moment that found you

i started dancing just to be around you

here’s to thinking that it all meant so much more

i kept my mouth shut, and opened up the door

[afieldofseeds]

we met because i needed someone to help run my store

you sat in front of the computer i spent so many hours with, carving out schedules

doing performance reviews

looking at loss prevention audits

you sat on our shitty metal foldable chair

i asked you the classic “tell me about yourself” questions and you told me about how you liked bukowski and yoga and i remember seeing the tattoo on your forearm and i could tell you were nervous but i could also tell you were warm, open

i thought about how bukowski is a pig but a good writer

you dipped your toe into the world i was in and trying to get out of

you could sense the negative environment 

i’ll always remember that, how much i hated that store, how much i hated my boss, and how you came in and with one swoop you knew it wasn’t a place you’d like to be

i’ll always remember envying that- the ability to walk away when you knew it wasn’t for you

i wonder now what you did after that interview

if you went home to leah or asked your mom what you should do

and with one eloquent email you were out of my life

i didn’t even reply, all i thought of was how i needed to look for someone else

but i liked you

i wanted to know you more

but all i did was check my email to see if anyone else had replied to the ad on craigslist.

i lived in my own space then

i had laminate floors and used to bring home fresh vegetables every second night

i wasn’t a vegetarian but years of being one meant i didn’t know how to cook meat

i got indian takeout with my best friends who lived upstairs

we listened to fleetwood mac records and drank wine and talked about how i was too picky, how i would let go of the people who entered my life too easily

i spent my time processing my life and how the last 7 years had become to be

i spent my time working too hard and far away

i spent my time on transit, in the mornings, at night

i spent my time listening to music and drinking coffee on mornings off and loving every inch of independence i had

i spent my time being lonely rudderless and not knowing what to do

i quit everything and broke my lease and moved back home and went to film school

i became alive with creativity and happiness and purpose

i fell apart over the same things

i broke over not knowing how to live the life i wanted

i put myself together over wanting to figure it out

i knew who you were when i saw your photos

i thought of you on that shitty metal foldable chair

laughing nervously and talking with your hands

so we met, again

and you made my favourite joke: “so I guess this is my...fourth? interview?”

we drank beer and you ate fish and chips 

and the next day we walked in the dark and sat on top of a bridge

and when i hurt my back you brought me ikea chocolate

and when i came over hot and in pain i collapsed on your floor

and when we watched a new favourite movie you let me tear up and talk about lighting

and when i was in your bed you talked to me before i forced you to kiss me

i don’t know when i fell in love

it was somewhere between the bridge and holding your hand in whole foods

every day i talk to you

hold you

kiss you

and every day i have to close my eyes and shake my head and wonder how this happened

how i met the person who would change everything

and how he was that person who turned down a job years ago, the one with a girlfriend, who lived in north vancouver and worked at a baby store and liked quotes

the one with that tattoo that every time i look at i think about the first time i saw it

under fluorescent lighting

what if i knew then how much i’d come to love you?

i was never looking for you

but i found you anyway

i’ll never let go

[afieldofseeds]

and I will love you till the noise has long since passed