30 minute lunch break

Musings over my work break

[thefearlesself-blog]

Have you subscribed to our mailing list? If not check out the link in bio to join our mailing list and receive our biweekly newsletter. Never miss a beat from the fearlesself.com 🔑Boston #Bostonwomen #girlboss #entrepreneur #womenintech #ladypreneur #bossbabe #bosslife #buildinganempire #success #atlblogger #girlsrule #thefearlesself

[thefearlesself-blog]

Think your parents aren’t cool? Ask them who they were when they were your age!– Getting to know your parents when older can be very revealing of how similar you are to them☺️ || click on #Realtalk link in bio to read more #thefearlesself #photooftheday #familyfirst #familylove

[africancocktail]

Happy birthday @kwesbabs #ilovehim #birthdayboy #hecamebacktome 💋

[africancocktail]

Sometimes you need a friend that reminds you of your worth and how good God has been. Thank you @randiwrap for being that friend #ilovehertho #sheisallthat #Godfirst #kpormafirstlady

[africancocktail]

You better werq hunny #cheekbones #Congolese

[africancocktail]

He's here! One of my favorite people #brotherfromanothermother #ilovehim #AfricansintheBean

[africancocktail]

SCARS … BEAUTY IN THE PROCESS

I finally got my scars.  Broken heart – check. Betrayal by friends – check. Mad at the world – check.  Misunderstood – check. So those are just some of the boxes that I have been able to check these last three months. What is a scar? I always remember when I was a child running around in Nairobi trying to keep up with my elder brothers and sister. Once, I fell and scrapped my knee. It wasn’t bad but everything is much worse than it really is when we are children isn’t it? So after a few weeks the scrape began healing and I would pick at it. My dad being the physician that he is would yell at me to stop and would say, “if you don’t let it be, it will never heal.” Words that today, as I write this, ring ever so true to me. I am one who loves to solve problems (most of the time). I also love to avoid problems if I can. However, these last few months problems found me!

I know, I know some of you are saying, welcome to what life is about and yes, welcome Binja indeed! I am learning to let things be. When you fight and you can truly say that you fought as hard as you can for what you want, then let it be. When you have extended the olive branch and been rejected, let it be. When you let it be … it will heal. I have come to love the discoveries that one makes when their life is in shambles. Who your true friends are, what it really means to trust someone and accept it when that trust is violated, what it feels like to know that you could have been better but wasn’t.

 Let’s get some perspective on this. Say you lost your job and your world aka connections did not come through. What do you do then? Don’t pick on the wound, just let it be. What does it mean to let it be? To me, it means going back to your first love. I say, when all else fails remember the one who was with you from before your world crumbled around you. Remember the one who stood by you before that job. The one who was with you before that failed relationship. Yup, I get on my knees. Not as a last resort. Please don’t get me wrong. God is not my fall back plan. He is my number one.  My plan A. Always has been, and God help me, always will be. Life, as I have come to know it should be lived on your knees. There is less pain when you get up after you fall back from a kneeling position than when you are standing.

I thought about the healing process through all that I have been going through. I don’t want to get all scientific but the healing process is one that requires your immune system to function optimally to ensure that a scar is formed. The scar is the result of the healing that has been taking place beneath the surface. So if you’re asking yourself: what will it take for me to heal? How long will this pain stay with me? Should I even be bothered to care for the wound or should I continually pick at it? Listen, just let it be. Whether it’s a friend’s betrayal, a lost opportunity, a lost job or heartache, remember to let it be. There is a process that has to take place. A healing of our wounds then comes the scar.

Finally, a scar may not be the most flattering when on the skin; however, it is a sign that healing has taken place. I am learning, as some of my female cancer survivor friends who have undergone mastectomies would tell me, a scar is a thing of beauty. It is a statement to the world that, “I survived!” For now, life is not as rosy as it can be but I am learning that scars are just how you know that you have been through a battle and have come out on the other side. It’s not about victories but the process. Appreciate the process and watch the scar take its place. 

So there, stop picking at your wound, let it be and stand tall soldier!

[africancocktail]

Let me be honest am generally a guy who does like reading essays but i told myself, it time i forget what i think and see what i want to see if that makes sense, But let me share what i like here your writings are so contemporary and relevant i like the one about the Africa Braiding. this was lovely and deep! big upz! #1ove!

Thanks man! I do appreciate it when I get feedback and yours has made my day :)

[africancocktail]

Transition

Transition refers to change from one state or stage to another (Merriam Webster). This is the toughest time in many people's lives. School to work. Bad patch in a relationship to the next step. Where are you right now in your life? Chances are that whether physically, psychologically and/or emotionally this will change. I am one whose life has constantly revolved around change. From when I was thirteen, my parents have continually changed location. I was up to my fourth country when I moved to university in Boston (country number five). Change has always been very emotional for me, which is why I feel transition is something that needs to be embraced. 

Many of my friends are going through many changes in their lives. Some falling out of love, some looking for work and others en route to new things in a different land. A common thread  among them all is apprehension. Being apprehensive is normal; however, letting our fears rule us is very dangerous and could hinder us from moving forward with a positive outlook. One thing that I have learnt in all my years is that change is GOOD.

I learnt to speak french in six months and soon after was thrown into a french high school. Now, I had an opportunity to react either with an open mind or rebel against all the changes that I was experiencing. Listen honey, when you are sixteen, trying to fit in and don't speak the language there are very few options for a 'normal' life. So what pulled me through?

Two things: my family and my faith

First - Family

My family is very close and very spread apart all at once. My family kept me sane and encouraged throughout this transition period. I know that some people don't have great relationships with their families; however, the definition of family is anyone who unconditionally loves and supports you. [I use the word unconditionally loosely. Why? Because people change. People grow and people change. This fact on its own leaves so many opportunities for let downs and disappointments, which is why I say loosely]. Look around you, how many people do you have that you can count on? How many people can you call and you know will either drop everything and come to your aid or offer their support in any way that they can? Just so you know, this number does not have to be as great a number as your Facebook friends! In fact sometimes the people that you trust this deeply and can count on are only a handful. During your period of transition reach out to these people. Do not stay confined by your fears and apprehensions. This is the first step: reach out and let someone else know about what challenges you are facing during this period of transition. Listen, there is nothing worse than suffering in silence. One of my favorite professor's mantras is "don't sweat alone." I truly agree with this. Reach out to your closest family members and just talk about how you are feeling during this period and know that it will all work out. You have to believe that things will work out!

Secondly - Faith

My faith in God completely carries my through every trial. Transitions in most cases bring along our biggest trials. How do I cope in a place where I barely speak the language? How do I get work in a country that is preparing to deport me? How do I move forward after a break up? My answer to all this is God. Many people hide behind their tough- guy facades. Listen, be tough all you want but if all you are falling deeper into depression and confusion then you need help. Many times in situations like these there is only so much that our family can do. This is when you give the rest to God. I believe that faith in God will pull you through the dark times. Faith boosts your spirits and gives you a positive outlook. Faith, as I once heard it, is stepping into nothing but landing on something. 

Be true to yourself. Are you in transition? If yes, get excited! Don't be overwhelmed by uncertainty. Think of it as a journey. This is a journey where you are the hero or heroine and are charting out this new path. A positive attitude towards this change will make all the difference. It is not about right or wrong it's about your attitude towards what it is you are experiencing. Going through job hunting is hard but having a can - do attitude is the key to success despite the number of disappointing 'thank you for applying; however .." you receive. You got this! I believe that if a scared sixteen year old girl could become a fluent trilingual speaker then you too can do it! 

[africancocktail]

When Life Gives You Lemons ... Give Them Back!

I'm going through a time in my life when my faith is so tested that I've decided to change strategy. When you know who you are and whose you are there are things that come your way that should not even take any of your time. I've learnt a few things about myself: I am afraid of a lot of things but fear is not what stops me from going forth. I've also learnt that I fiercely fight for what I believe in: a quality cultivated from growing up in a family of nine. I've learnt that when afraid - go for it! The preacher on Sunday said "it's time to go for broke." How often do we let our fears have the best of us? Growing up in Africa, fear plays a great part in how we are raised. Before tomatoes get thrown my way let me clarify. Fear is a part of our culture. Yes, I said it. We learn from a young age many types of things and situations that we need to be afraid of. Sometimes our parents said, "do not talk to that aunty, she is a witch" and with that we had such a fear of that family member. Fear was used as a deterrent: do not sit on the sidewalk because strangers will come and get you. Yes, in the end, we kept aways from sidewalks, different foods, people and many other objects out of fear. Do we honestly look life in the face and say come on, let's see you're best shot? I believe that most of us, out of habit or upbringing cower away when life throws lemons at us. I was recently listening to stories about people who had turned lemons into lemonade. You know, the ones who lost their jobs and started their own companies and are relatively successful. I want to be a different breed. I do not want to make lemonade. I want to give life its lemons back! This is what I mean. Many people are unhappy with their jobs, afraid to venture out or just simply complacent and apathetic. What would it cost you if you stepped out of your comfort zone and did something that you are passionate about? Would it be your pride? Your reputation? Those are things that can be regained. Would it really cost you your pride if you stepped out and worked on something you believe in? I'd like to think a man is more proud of the work of his own hands than something received without any effort put in. Am I old fashioned and not part of the 'instant generation?' I think not. I believe that desperation does cause us to become the most courageous we can be. Hence, when under pressure, lemons produce lemonade. I believe that we should be happy. Plain and simple. A job is a means to an end. What is your end? Do you wish to remain in the same position (job) all your life? What happened to the dreams we had as children? What happened to being the president or a baker or a farmer? Let's give back the lemons offered. I say QUIT! If life is not going in the direction that you want, make it stop and turn around. If you've been working one,two or three jobs and you are not happy QUIT! Oh wait, if you have no job and are trying to pursue opportunities that don't lead you to your passion STOP! This is how you give the lemons back. Write down what comes easily to you and see which of those you are passionate about. Something that you are passionate about does not require you to garner up motivation as you do for you daily jobs. If you are passionate about something you will not need to be pushed or encouraged to do it. The passion is who you are and what you do. I have friends who run entertainment businesses and the risk in their profession is huge. People may just never show up at any of their events, which in turn translates to losses. They, however, could not see themselves doing anything else. They wake up and all they think about is how to improve their marketing and their attendance. With or without any pats on their back, they are ready to go on. This is what we need today. We need to set out passions ablaze! Yes, a little dramatic but this is where we need to be. Don't complain about how horrible your boss is, how horrible the hours you work are, how stifled you feel your creativity is at your work place. STOP AND QUIT! Life is too short to suffer in silence. Well we need to be practical in our endeavors. I believe that we need a few things in place before we launch ourselves into our passions: 1. Does your passion meet a need? 2. What is your goal? 3. How can you get the resources to help your passion take flight! Once you have answered these questions and the many others that will arise, it's time to set your faith into motion. We need to be part of a generation that will not settle for mediocre results that deliver temporary satisfaction. We need to rise above the norm and follow our passions. When life gives you lemons, get up and hand them back!

[africancocktail]

Check out www.ushagz.com and rep your Africa! For my Africans at heart we have the casual collection. check us out, like us on facebook and follow us on twitter (@ushagz).

[africancocktail]

Be an ant

I was walking to work this morning and I started thinking about tests. I work at a cancer institute and people always want to know what the ideal weight is or what the ideal time to exercise is. Why is it we strive for so much once crisis hits but we don't like to prepare? If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Take the pedometer for example. Once you get a pedometer, the excitement that arises as you attach it to your waist band and start walking is infectious! I was at a meeting where the pedometers were being given away for free. The response to this new gadget was insane. People immediately wanted to know how it worked and secondly what the target was. Why ask about the target and the damage has been done? Well, to reverse the damage is one way to look at it or even to reduce the harm the body has been put through. So I ask again why do we strive for so much once tragedy hits but we lack preparedness? Imagine a situation where you didn't drink or smoke or even eat more calories than your body can take. You would be healthier and live longer. Ok this is what I'm saying. If you got your pedometers out earlier and started walking to a healthier future (forgive the marketing) then there would be less fire to put out right? So let's plan ahead. Set a goal. Make sure the goal is realistic and measurable. Then follow through. You make up your own mind and follow through. The ants are focused creatures. They see a target and go for it. They lift objects twice or even three times their weight! If you set your sights on a goal, no matter how great, you can accomplish it. Be prepared. Be focused. Be an ant.

[africancocktail]

Did you see a yellow car today?

So I'm in a plane seated next to one of the most fascinating people I've met in a while. He speaks of the importance of diversity in his corporate workplace. This got me listening. Women left the higher echelons of corporate America once they began having a family. Normal - seeing as they have new priorities. But he spoke about them actively searching for women to take up leadership roles and them seeking for a diverse staff. Do you know of or have you heard of the law of attraction? I asked him. He said mmmhh yeah. Listen, did you see a yellow car today? Think about it. You probably don't know. Why? Its not priority to you. You are not focused on finding or looking for a yellow car. Think about this now. If I said to you go out there and when you come back in an hour, I want you to tell me how many yellow cars you have seen. You will probably be more attentive as you are actively looking for the yellow cars. Same principle applies in life. What do you want to have in your life that is of value. Notice I said 'of value'. Well if getting A's is priority, all you're efforts are going to be put towards that A. If getting a particular job is priority then that is what it is going to be. Notice I said 'particular'. People say I want a job. Be specific. Tailor make it to what you really want then go out and find it. Its the same thing I started doing when I began mentoring. I made up my mind to present myself in a professional fashion every time I went to teach my freshman class. I saw myself as a professional and now working in a field in a 9-5 job, I have no worries carrying myself in a professional manner. You attract what you want. Should I preach to the single ladies? Ok. What is the history of the last say three guys you went out with? Did that last? Well what are you attracting? First thing to think about. Do you have a list of what you want? Just like with the CEO and with me dressing up, what do you want? People say that having a list is obnoxious and bourgeois but I say show me who you are with. Write down the things you have to have in a man (I call these non-negotiables). A friend of mine said, I can't date a guy shorter than I am. I don't wonna tower over him! Hey if that floats your boat, in my book, its a non-negotiable. If he has to have a job, its a non-negotiable. Write down what you have to have. Then write down another list. I call this my negotiables. Ok so he's not into the same movies I'm into or say he doesn't appreciate some of the activities I appreciate those are negotiables. Then once you have these two in view and you focus on what you want aka have written down, then you will get what you want. So identify what you value, focus on that and see the results. oh and by the way, did you see a yellow car today?

[africancocktail]

Personal Statement

Yes, lunchtime again but this time I'm encountering something new. A new uncharted territory for me. See like the geek who has numbers and equations freely flowing from his mind, I have words and inspiration freely flowing from my mind! Yet here I am. Digesting my lunch and experiencing something that is causing me too much panic. I'm having a mental block. I can't write. Ok scratch that, I can write I just don't feel very inspired. See I came to work today expecting challenges and obstacles but was greeted by silence and emptiness. Nobody else is home today except me! Urgh so do I leave and lie that I've been at work all day? Fine I'm staying! I finish answering all my emails, open a word document and stare at the blank page. I have to write a personal statement but I'm at a loss of words! Ok just breathe and remember be yourself, be truthful and be very good! Aren't those just basic qualities we need to have in life? How often do we sit back and fake our way through situations? People go to the point of losing who they are because they are afraid others may not understand who they really are. I say be yourself! Being someone else is just too difficult. Why burden yourself with being someone else and deprive the world of you? You are special and perfect. You are God's best creation. So be you! Being truthful is a tough one! In this day and age where we all have or most of us have virtual lives. People begin to let lies slowly slip into their lives as they hide behind an avatar. You lie about your upbringing, you actual height and weight (mmhh ladies) and you think well its a lil white lie. Wrong ! A lie is a lie! Don't let lies creep in where truth needs to abide! Be you and be truthful. Finally as in writing and life in general - be good! People accept mediocrity in life so easily. Well I mean its ok being average, blending in the crowd, going with the grain. I mean please! Child please! If we had a world full of average then we wouldn't experience and enjoy the benefits of those who go the extra mile. Notice I didn't say geniuses. A little goes a long way and yes people, striving for the bare minimum shouldn't be what you hope to attain! Go against the grain and challenge the conventional. Nobody ever won an award for cheering others to their greatness. Even cheerleaders have to compete against each other! Why do you settle for an average man who treats you like an average woman (and let's be honest- below average most times)? You were made for greatness! Don't settle! Don't just say well my grandpa was a fisherman, my dad is a fisherman so I guess I'll be a fisherman! What if you were called to be an owner of fisheries? You could go on to school, get an MBA and not earn you average $500 wage but make millions. You didn't depart from tradition, you just set your sights higher! All I'm saying is this I'm inspired to write this personal statement because despite my mental block I know I'm good. Not just good. Very good. I'm actually excellent at expressing where I am now and where I see myself. Average? Who me? Never.

[africancocktail]

Geeks

Seating here on a bus from an evening Bible class, I look across from me and all I can do is smile. He is the picture of dedication. He's had a bug in his bonnet. He is going on about how he knows the answer to a problem. He knows it. He knows it so well he's working it out without a pencil or paper in hand. He is the picture of dedication. "I got it!" "I got it" he says. "Look here" he says and opens up his back pack. All I needed to do was switch the denominator. I knew it I just knew it! (As you can see I'm tired of putting in quotation marks) He gets the answer, smiles at me and says well that was A. I ask how many do u have left? Obviously, at this point he isn't listening to me and has moved on to the next problem. Only he has packed his bag and is solving the problem by waving his finger in the air. Urghhh what function do I need to use so that I can keep adding a consecutive number? I give him a blank stare. I don't know the answer but I marvel at his dedication. He turns n smiles "I've got it" but then he looks away (that's him mentally double checking his answer). Why are people not like this amazing geek on the bus? We face a problem and give up. How about being the geek. Let's think about our issues, solve them in our minds and then act. Don't give up! You wouldn't encounter this problem if God knew you couldn't handle it! Be a geek!

[africancocktail]

Life is too short

For all those who hold on to situations and things people have done to them, I say let it go. Let them go and MOVE ON. You've heard the saying: forgiveness is not for the other person but for you. I've come to realize that people are just that- people. People will let you down, cause you pain, lie to you, disappoint and lower your self esteem to the point you doubt yourself! All these if held on to, will cause exactly all that has been described! Think about it for a second. If someone disappoints you, you hold on to that pain, and what happens? In the long run, you will disappoint others also. Hurt people hurt people. I believe that people are generous, kind, loving, and human. My pastor at church says forgive. Forgiveness means that you will not go back to that place of sin again. If you have been disappointed, forgiveness means letting go of those emotions and setting yourself free of negative emotional ties. Guys, life is too short! Be a person filled with love for people. If you truly love people you will be able to see their faults and look past them. Have you ever made plans and been let down? What did you do? Pout and blame everyone who let you down? How did that work out for you? You probably cut ties with people because of that or have held grudges for days over that. Next time, see those who let you down as people. What is more important: a failed plan or a long term relationship? Relationships are far more important yet all it takes is one night of disappointment to ruin it. Like I said, love people. If you love people, relationships take precedence over disappointments. Because let's face it, people will disappoint us but how we handle the disappointment is what determines what kind of stuff we are made of. Character will take you further than your emotions. Love one another. Period.

[africancocktail]

African braiding

Have u ever had to take out the scrunchie from your hair because what was supposed to offer you support and make you look gorgeous is now hurting you and giving you head aches? Have you ever just gotten your hair done and through the whole process all you felt the most excruciating pain but just sat through it? As I sit here and wait for the buffalo chicken subway footlong to get digested, I think about life. Isn't it funny how when we are single all we crave for is an amazing man who will support and make us look good? You know what I mean, just to have someone who calls you theirs? Well what happens to us? How do we get to a point where all they cause us is pain? I believe the difference comes when we mistake the hunter and the prey. As women, single women, in these modern days we feel as though we can hunt. I disagree with that. There is a stark difference between getting what you want and going out to get what you want. Pain comes when we chase. Women forget that the length to which a man chases you is the value to which he puts in who you are. So if you don't let a man chase you and you chase him then why are you wondering why he doesn't think that you are the centre of his world? Ladies, patience and character are what we should be building during our 'single years'. People will put time into what they value. If he doesn't call you back and you're the only one calling him ... MOVE ON. You are a woman! You are a thing of wonder! You are beautiful and precious. Whenever you don't feel as such in and out of a relationship a self assessment needs to be done. All in all women, let him chase you. Once you begin to see value in yourself, he will see value in you.