If Love is a possession, perhaps my Letters are exorcisms

A place to request love letters. Platonic love, romantic love- any kind. Can't express how you feel? Get some help

[afriendshipafire-blog]

To the man I love,

As I child i expected you to arrive on a white horse. I believed that i would tumble head first into love with you, like slipping under a new duvet or changing into a new set of clothes. I thought you would love me whole heartedly back, that I would know that every look you gave me would be full of passion and love. That everytime you saw me you would be struck by what you felt for me, and that every time I looked at you my heart would catch in my chest at the love I felt for you.

As I grew up I put away these childish thoughts. I realised that I would fall gradually in love, that my flaws would become pronounced to you and you would have to learn to see past them in order to love me. I gew to belive that the first time I had sex would be sordid and if it was with someone i liked that would be enough. I thought that I would find you after one failed love affair, after one failed love affair, after another failed love affair, after another. I believed that love was not as in my childish imagines, not passionate and all consuming, but careful and more self involved.

And then I met you.

I reverted to childhood. You fulfilled every one of my childhood hopes and crushed my cyncism like an earthquake shattering a building. How could I have known how in love i would be after a week of knowing you, and that the word i tried so desperately to hold at bay, would be the only way conceivable of describing my feelings months later. I spend my days imagining the fire you trace on my skin is fuel for the burning of my love for you. The kisses you trace upon my neck, the words I write so carefully, inscribing you upon my soul. And yet the quiet self involvment I believed in adulthood is still there too. The moment i revel in your quiet beauty, the callouses on your hands or the sleep in your eyes as you wake. The gentle love i feel in your gaze the same as the passion you rock into my bones. Perhaps that is what love is, the mixing of childhood fantasy and adult realism. Regardless that is what you have fanned in being in my breast. I love you.

Your lover

[afriendshipafire-blog]

Dear My Best Friend,

The first thing I should say is that I love you. We once had a conversation about how sparing you are with that word, and how I give it out as if saying the word will convince other people to say it back. Know that I mean every use of the word, but to you it means more than that. It means thank you. It means I'm glad you are there. It means I hope you get everything you want out of life.

 In so many ways our friendship is one of contradictions. You hide your insecurity by carefully choosing who gets to come behind your walls, while I hide mine by shouting, talking and laughing so loud no one will notice them. Sometimes I wonder if I know the full extent of what is in your head, and I am sorry for the times when you offered me the contents and I was too blind to accept them.

You are braver than me. I don't know if you know that, but you are so so brave. You shoulder the world and dare them to fuck with you, even though you don't know if you could survive a full frontal assault. You pick people up, even if doing so adds to your own burden.

You are clever without being condescending, and you refuse to let anyone tell you who to be. You defend those you love with a fierceness that awes me. I look at you and you take my words away. You deserve to have the world at your feet, and I thank God every day that I have you in my life.

I don't know what the future will bring for you, but you deserve every happiness. I hope that you know that

I love you

Your friend

[afriendshipafire-blog]

Dear school,

Your teachings are flawed. You attempt to impress upon me the importance of my own health, but at the same time forbid any illness that cannot be treated with a bandage. You describe to me my own importance, and yet at the same time reduce me to nothing more than numbers and letters. You expect me to respect you because you are placed in a position of power over me, yet why would I respect anything that treats me with such disdain.  Any case of bullying begins with a imbalanced relationship, how can the relationship between us be anything but imbalanced while my opinions are held beneath yours?

How dare you reduce me to nothing more than numbers on a page, and describe my passions as frivolous when because of you I shake myself awake dreaming of tests. I know a girl who lies in bed with her eyes open worrying about a test, she has not been told about yet but will certainly 'determine her future'. I know a boy who studies until ink runs down his arm, his pen cuts through the paper and he can't see the words in front of him, and I know from the circles under his eyes that he doesn't stop even then.

I may have to hold myself together with tape and glue sticks, but at least I know that the mitochondria is the power house of the cell.

Sincerely

A pupil who can't take much more

[afriendshipafire-blog]

Dear friends,

I see your looks. You don't think I do, but trust me I feel them to my core. I hear your sighs of exasperation, your eye rolls, your impatient stares. I feel them, and every time they do I feel a little bit less like me. I try to be quieter, less annoying. Less...conspicuous. I guess in a way its easy to become invisible if there is too much substance. People think you will always be there to explore another time. But so much of me has already been lost. Sometimes I need you to listen to my nonsense and not look bored, or impatient. Sometimes I need to be held long and tight, because otherwise I don't know how I will be hold together. I may always be here, but I don't know how much of me will be there when I'm finally worth noticing.

Love

Your friend

[afriendshipafire-blog]

Dear Parents,

Being your child is tough. Its knowing that you are loved and wanted, but simultaneously feeling that a single mistake will result in a termination of your affection. Its dreading any time my mistakes will become public. Reports and parents evenings, and exam results take the place of vampires and clowns in my nightmares.

Its learning to cry with my head down so as not to smear mascara down my cheeks like trails of my own defeat. Its knowing that pride in myself is too easily mixed with your pride in me. Its seeing a bad grade like a signature for my death certificate.

Its love, and heartbreak mixed together. Its poisonous and heavenly. Its the only thing I can rely on, and the thing I wish I cold erase. I don't know how to live with you and I don't know how to live without. Its dreading the realisation of your faith in me being entirely misplaced and, and the hope that its isn't.

love

Your child

[afriendshipafire-blog]

Dear friend,

I don't know where you are now. I don't know why you aren't here, because you are meant to be the one who holds me together, but right now I'm shaking apart in my own arms because you aren't here to hold me in yours. It used to be that you were the only one who saw me, now it feels like I'm just a ghost, a memory that you don't know what to say to anymore. I used to think that we would join the world together arm in arm, now you've joined it but somehow you let go of me along the way. I still love you, because you will always be my brother, whether or not I am still part of your family. I don't resent you for being happy, I just wish that I wasn't locked in my glass bubble, while you have broken yours. Or I wish that my bubble was made of something other than glass, so that my heart would not break to watch you slowly forget me.

Your pseudo sister

[afriendshipafire-blog]

if I heard you cry out in the night and rushed in to find your hand lying next to you I would run to your side and beg for you to be all right

If I heard you cry out and rushed to find your arm lying on the bed I would not ask the arm how it felt

But if you heard me cry out and rushed to find me on the floor, my heart still beating which would you ask? Because you were the one who ripped it out

[afriendshipafire-blog]

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