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@aftermathofyou
I love you, and I care about you, but it's from a distance. I no longer leave a message and hope for your response. And as much as I wanted to stay close, my mind had already decided not to anymore. Because my heart already knows how you felt towards me. And this breaks my heart into fine pieces even more if I'd let myself get swayed through my emotions.
All I know is that I've wasted all these years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to, regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become. Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky.
Kazuo Ishiguro
Maybe it wasn’t love, but nothing changed the fact that something about you changed a small part of me.
c / you moved me
“That summer, we fought until we bled. The love we felt made everything worse. (It’s always worse when feelings are involved.) You couldn’t forgive me for the things I’d done, and I felt myself slowly degrading into an empty shell every time we spoke. This is why I ended things. Not because I stopped loving you. No, when I close my eyes, I still remember how it felt to kiss you. I still remember being in your arms. I still remember lying on your chest and kissing your face and holding your hand. I still remember going on walks - laughing at stupid things - making our own inside jokes. I’ll keep those references within me forever now. I’ll protect them with my heart. They were ours and now they are mine and yours separately. I want you to know that I miss you. Desperately. But that doesn’t negate the fact that I am bad for you. And because I am bad for you, you are also bad for me. I can’t stand to see you hurt. I can’t stand it at all. I can’t be the cause of all of that pain. It tears into everything that I am. So even though I miss you, I won’t say anything. And even though I know we won’t talk, I’ll still hope that you are well and, at the very back of my mind but at the front of my heart, I hope you find the kind of happiness that I couldn’t give you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.”
— Sue Zhao
I’m sorry.
“What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude. It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance. What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy. It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence. What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded: It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once.”
— Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure
“Meeting her again was like finally opening the window to let some fresh air into a stuffy house. Like seeing the sun again after being holed up inside a dark room for days. But in the years spent apart, we’d lost our rhythm. We’d lost our ease. A strained silence filled the space where there should have been exciting stories, secrets whispered behind hands, small talk about work and the weather. When I lowered my gaze to the floor, she threw back her head, closed her eyes, and laughed. It was all it took to make the air a little less heavy, to make my breath come a little easier, and yet I was so scared in that moment. I hadn’t seen her for years, hadn’t talked to her, had barely thought about her in the last months, and still I would have recognised that laughter anywhere. It reminded me of times long past, of wonderful times, but I didn’t say that. “I missed that sound. I missed you,” I thought, but I did not say that, either. My mouth stayed shut. I was terrified, even then. That we would grow close once more, just so you could leave me behind again. I knew you wouldn’t stay, not for me. You never did. “You haven’t changed at all,” you said, your gorgeous smile widening, the dimple in your cheek deepening. Yes, I hadn’t. At least not in all the ways I felt about you. But you hadn’t, either. And that was why we would never ever be close again.”
— always be the same / n.j.
Photohraph
I still love you like moons love the planets they circle around, like children love recess bells. I still hear the sound of you and think of playgrounds where outcasts who stutter beneath braces and bruises and acne are finally learning that their rich handsome bullies are never gonna grow up to be happy. I think of happy when I think of you. So wherever you are I hope you’re happy I really do I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life
I hope there’s a kite in your hand that’s flying all the way up to Orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out I hope you’re smiling like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth cause I might be naked and lonely shaking branches for bones but I’m still time zones away from who I was the day before we met you were the first mile where my heart broke a sweat and I wish you were here I wish you’d never left but mostly I wish you well I wish you my very very best”
— Andrea Gibson
If I'm honest,
I never tried to forget you
because I knew,
even if I tried,
I wouldn't be able to do,
So I started to forget myself,
the old me
who was madly in love
with you
and that's the only thing
I could do.
And I lived everyday after that without you, wondering if you were thinking about me too. Wondering if I would hear from you. But days passed by, and I never did. I only watched as you moved on with your life, as if our paths had never crossed. And now I think it’s time to live mine, as if they never will again.
c / you’re good at moving on, so maybe I will too
No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.
"Nos besábamos con verdadero dolor, con la piel en el presente y la cabeza en el pasado."
-Marwan.
Cc.
i remember when i was little i had a balloon. i was so fascinated by it and it quickly became my favorite. looking at it against the sky made me feel as though i didn’t have to wait for the sun to set in order to call the world beautiful. i remember i promised myself i wouldn’t let my balloon go. but no matter how tightly i held on and how desperately i tried to, deep inside i knew it would either deflate itself or eventually float away. and i remember that one Tuesday afternoon, as i watched it get smaller and tinier until it disappeared out of my sight. i can’t seem to understand why i never found it even though we were under the same blue sky. but now, i recognize this feeling all too well. because this…. this is exactly what it felt like to love you.
c / up
Fuckkkkkk
my reaction to your decisions interrupted my progress, and i blamed you because it was easier.
-ahlwords
