I used to have a friend that was fixated on the concept of your three great loves. Since my discussions with him years back I have heard different theories on the concept. His theory was that you had three great loves in your life,those three people molded you and lead to that third and final person. He and I don't really talk much at all these days and I wonder how that concept is working out for him. On my end though, that idea damned my neurotic self to many a mental quandary.
Now I could sit here and tell you about my big three. Or whether or not I've ever even met my three. I have decided to take a different route though and tell you about my three big loves. The three milestone things in my life that helped form my identity, ideals, and overall rules to life.
When I was five years old my father took me to a comic convention in Baltimore. It is one of few solid positive memories I allow myself to have of him. At this convention I met Spiderman and it changed my life. Now I know it wasn't really Spiderman the fellow pretty much filled out the suit in all the wrong ways, but at 5 it's still pretty awesome. I left that day with a copy of X-men #1 and an issue of Web of Spiderman.
This love would be reaffirmed and cemented when I was 12 years old. I would frequently visit my local comic shop while my mother shopped for groceries, leaving me to find a new book to read and obsess over. During my 12th year I found a book that made me realize that no matter the concept a comic book can be made. The book that did this for me was Evil Ernie. Evil Ernie was ridiculous, violent, and overall a total splatterfest. I picked it up and could not stop reading it! From that point forward I knew I wanted to write these far flung ideas as badly as I wanted to read more.
Comics pretty much carved my identity from that point forward. I listened to heavy metal and Punk music because those were the things that I grew up with but also because they were so attached to the comic book scene at the time. But those choices lead me down different avenues like a scavenger hunt of identity.
In high school I had a friend who was a bit religious and also straight edge. She explained to me what straight edge was and I remember laughing at her and the concept quite emphatically. I was very much a do what you want when you want person and the idea of not doing certain things was laughable to me upon first hearing it.
As time passed my issue with my father as well as certain infractions in my life silently lead me back to the idea of straight edge. I realized that my personality tends to obsess over things and then do them to a point of excess. With that in mind the second half of my senior year in high school was carved by Minor Threat. I was given the idea that maybe being straight edge isn't about the fear of rebellion but more about the rebellion of the mind. The concept that everyone in the scene is saying we can change the world but admittedly to fixated on having a good time to do it. Sound of mind Sound of body the proponents of change.
Now don't take this as a lecture. As an adult I know straight edge isn't for everyone and in all honesty I have come to admire those with moderation far more then those who choose to abstain. That said on a personal level straight edge gave me rules guidelines and structure. All things I desperately needed to move forward and find my place.
My third love is funny as it was always around I just hadn't found it in it's perfect form for me yet. As a comic book collector and overall super geek I own a lot of toys. I have been buying action figures since I got my first Ghostbuster. I never put them away or gave up on them but at some point I became the boring toy collector.
For those of you that are unaware the boring toy collector is the person buying stacks of action figures to literally store somewhere unopened and unappreciated. I at one point had closets full of toys that were totems of the characters I love but in no way were appreciated. All of that changed for me in my mid twenties.
I have always been a fan of Pushead, my first Metallica t-shirt had the flaming skull and sun on it. I had a friend who had a few of his toys and I had always drooled over them wondering how he found them. In my trips to eBay I finally found my moment to own one. When I received the figure it came to me opened and accompanied by a title card wrapped in a plastic bag. The concept of a toy that was meant to be open and displayed and even played with was something I hadn't really thought of in years.
I started buying my new obsession in mass.I would take my toys everywhere and take pictures of them in the most ridiculous settings. I joined message boards and made friends all over the world. I learned to love the simplicity of form and the art form that is toy design and engineering.
The funniest part is I saw all the things I loved coming together into a weird harmonious state. Friends that loved these toys made comics, friends that made these toys read those comics. My roots in straight edge leaked over into this scene as well with many old Hardcore kids and Straight edgers being a part of this scene I found myself in. It was a journey that made complete sense to me, a circle being completed.
Now I won't get into the details of these scenes any further but I will tell you that all three of these loves have made me who I am now. Currently I find myself in a new lull where I sense I have to start trying to give back something to the world as a whole that has offered me these amazing things. Because of these scenes I have seen foreign lands, learned from amazing people and made connections with people all over the world. To those people I say thank you and your friendship is never once taken for granted and to the journeys that lay ahead I say with a smile...
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