my grandmother died, just a few weeks before I am due to return home from a year teaching in Asia.
Let's get this count up, shall we:
FIRST
-3 weeks in, grandfather dies -1 month in, school closes and have to relocate -relocate to roach-infested apartment -teaching kids 2 years younger than I was contracted for (which, when the ages are 7 vs 5 THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE) -who speak NO english
THEN
-breast cancer scare -subsequent lump/mass removal in a foreign language -horrific lingering pneumonia-like cough for 6 months
NOW -dead bubbe -crushing guilt -this was literally the WORST possible year to be not near my family -like, really, I'm an asshole for doing this.
why the fuck am I here? why. This was not worth it. It wasn't worth the pain and the loss I have suffered. I wasn't worth my time- to not be there, to not have the closure of saying goodbye to those I love.















