The Web-Websites Personified Characters: Tumblr: Twitter: Facebook: Wikipedia: FU, Tumblr is standing at the alter CSR facing the row of seats filled with Facebook, Twitter and Wikipedia CS. Tumblr: “Today we join in sorrow as we lost one of us. Myspace was our friend; we treated him like a father. He was the foundation of all of us. We have learned so much from him; he will never ever be forgotten. (Tumblr turns to the picture on the table beside the alter, tearful). We must remember the good times, the bad times and everything in between. Myspace was…lost at the end of his days. He drifted, we must learn from this, stick together. So we thank Myspace….In wifi we trust” Everyone: “in wifi we trust- To connect us all -to save us from dial up” Tumblr leaves the altar and takes her seat, Facebook stands and approaches the alter. Facebook: “ Myspace is gone and I’m so sad, I’m heartbroken . I cry myself to sleep every night. I miss him so much…it’s. Just –holding back tears- been so hard for me.( Begins to break down.) I’m sorry…but…I need a minute. (Sighs while looking at the picture of Myspace) I…I just need to capture this moment” Takes selfie, once finished she composes herself and prances back to her seat completely fine. Twitter stands and walks to the altar. Twitter: “It was real, #RIP” Twitter sits back down next to Facebook who is leaning against Tumblr finding ways to make contact,Tumblr looking uncomfortable. Wikipedia then walks to the alter, shifty, constantly looking over his shoulder. Wikipedia: “His death was a great shock for all of us, a big shock…like ..It came out of nowhere. Like…one second he was here and then…BAM ! he…was…gone.( Wiki turns to the picture of Myspace, voice cracking) why?...why…is he gone. HE SHOULDN’T BE !!!...what happened to him…WE’LL NEVER KNOW!!!” Twitter stands and approaches Wiki putting an arm round her shoulders and gently guiding her back to her seat. Facebook bounces up and turns. Facebook: “Now if everyone has said their peace, I have arranged some snacks and other goodies at the back” The Characters crowd round the table of food. Wiki takes a place of sandwiches and stands by the window constantly looking about as if someone’s watching her. Facebook is taking photos of everything on the table grinning maniacally. Tumblr grabs the pizza and sits in her seat. Twitter stands at the table puzzled before reaching into her fanny pack for her phone. Twitter: “(while typing)on my carb diet, but I see some munchies!!!#yolo smiley face” Twitter puts her phone away and begins to fill up her plate. Facebook sits beside Tumblr with her plate full. Tumblr is starting to feel uncomfortable. Facebook: “HIYA, Tumblr!!(Tumblr gives an awkward nod)…do you like the pizza I brought?” Tumblr: “Yea…thanks” Facebook: “I knew I should at least bring some stuff, the party doesn’t start without me you know, hehe!! I spent ages finding the right cakes for today, Look I got this one specially delivered from France (Facebook is bragging like a child, Tumblr is growing even more uncomfortable and irritated, Facebook smells the cake) hmmmmm. It has this lemony smell to it, its simply delish, Tumblr you have to smell it.” Facebook holds out the cake right under Tumblr’s nose. Tumblr: “Um, no Facebook I’m okay.” Facebook: “don’t be silly, smell it!! No wait since I’m such a great person you can have a bite!” Tumblr: “Facebook, I really don’t want a bite, okay?” Facebook: “(shoving the cake into Tumblr’s face, Tumblr is resisting) just taste it” Tumblr: “(still protesting Facebook shoving the cake into her face) No, stop” Facebook: “taste it” Tumblr: “Facebook, go, no” Facebook is trying everything to get the cake in Tumblr’s mouth, Tumblr trying to move away by shuffling up the seats, Facebook trips trying to reach Tumblr. Facebook smears the cream all over Tumblrs face. Pause. Tumblr: “DAMMIT FACEBOOK!!” Tumblr stands and struts out the room muttering insults under her breath. Twitter is snickering. Wiki is startled by the commotion. Facebook phone goes off and she answers it. Twitter goes over to Wikipedia. Twitter: “ hey Wiki, you okay? #imma top pal” Wikipedia: “Oh…hey..twitter…I just can't stop thinking about myspace…(Twitter nods in agreement). Like…how he died..” Twitter: “ ( twitter is looking around the room, checking if anyone can hear) WIKIPEDIA… I don’t think you should speak of such things” Wikipedia: “I’m right aren’t I, there’s something up with MySpace’s death…( Wiki is wide eyed and frightened..and backing his way to the door)The world..has to know “ Twitter: “( grabs Wiki by the shoulders) WIKI…stop..you can’t go snooping around this, okay ?” Wikipedia: “but 8 trillion of us die every year and 98% of them are of natural causes… ( Wiki is flinching, looking as if she’s about to burst…pointing at the picture of myspace) now…now myspace death wasn’t natural, we know that….myspace is that 2%.” Twitter: “(looks confused, pausing.) Wikipeadia….there is only 6 billion of us in the WWW...( wiki has been caught out, twitter leans in closer, whispering, constantly looking over her shoulder) look I’ve heard some things…you know rumours in the interface….” Facebook: “oooooOOOH rumours..I LOVE Rumours !!(wiki screeches and twitter jump out their skin, Facebook is standing a little bit too close to twitter)” Twitter: “JESUS CHRIST!...FACEBOOK!! you sneaked right up on me there.. (under her breath) sneaky bastard” Facebook: “so what are you talking about?....OH are you talking about that rumour that in 2047 that 110% of girls are meant to be…like pregnant…even if you haven’t had sex…you’ll be like virgin mary..just pop there’s a baby in the oven. Hehehehe” Twitter: “( shocked) Facebook…you.cant.even.get.110%...once you have reached 100% that’s it. That means whole. Like that’s everyone !!!...jeez #I’m surrounded by idiots" Facebook: “well I was just estimating! Y’know science isn’t always black and white” Twitter: (puts head in hands) “oh my god” Facebook: “sooooo Wiki what’s the matter ??? cause I can help, people have said I give great advice, I’ve helped like all my friends” Wiki: “well, it’s just I’m really worried (pauses)-“ Facebook: “It’s OKAY Wiki, you can tell me anything” Wiki: “ okay ..y’know…um-“ Facebook: “ Like I wouldn’t tell anybody anything, like I don’t tell anybody’s secrets some people say I do but like I totally don’t, remember that movie trailer that got leaked well people say it’s me but that totally wasn’t me like even though I was like the only one who know about it before, I didn’t spread it, like if tumblr said I did I totally didn’t, I bet it was tumblrs fault. Because y’know what it’s like, being hipstery bet she knew about it first, though it was me I know about it first, I keep up with the trends, still it wasn’t me, it totally wasn’t me….not me…..no…wasn’t me” Wiki; Wikipedia looks bewildered “ I think I’m going to go and lie down” Facebook: Wiki exits, Facebook follows shouting ‘I can help you!, wait !!’ Tumblr enters with a clean face, twitter trots overs and pulls tumblr to CS. Twitter: “tumblr tumblr tumblr! I need to talk to you!” (tumblr nods signalling to carry on) okay I was talking to Wiki and she was pretty upset.” Tumblr: “about what is she okay ?” Twitter: “listen, she was worried about MySpace’s death (both look around the room cautiously) well have you heard?” Facebook comes back into the room quietly and listens to the conversation. Tumblr: “ (chuckles) of course I’ve heard……heard what ?” Twitter: “that Google is somehow connected to MySpace’s death” Tumblr: “Oh my god what ?! where did you hear that?” Twitter: “on the web! It was trending and everything, nothing certain yet” Tumblr: (freaking out) “ I have lost the ability to can right now,I cant….really? Google” Twitter: “oh my god calm down, remember it's just rumours, we don’t even know he is connected #it’s the oncoming storm I tell ya” Tumblr: “ Do you think Google’s going to turn out like MySpace….unpopular…..IS GOOGLE GOING TO DIE!? Twitter: “haaaa don’t your freaking me out, Google can’t go down, if he goes down…” Tumblr: “ we all go down…” Tumblr and twitter are staring out to the audience obviously in shock, Facebook is on her phone, she’s been listening the whole time but she’s acting like she distracted by her phone. Twitter looks around and spots Facebook horror strikes, Twitter clutches on to tumblr pulls her close and moves a few steps, Tumblr catches on what happened and both are left standing frozen in fear holding on to each other. Twitter: ( in a stage whisper) “ dude, has Facebook been here the full time” Tumblr: “Christ, I don’t know, she’s on here phone maybe she didn’t hear us” Facebook: “haha ill give 5 cows to my mum since I’m amazing!!! Status update: I just love my mum, like if you do to, ignore if you love Satan! Post haha ! Tumblr and twitter both sigh in relief and turn in tandem and greet Facebook. Facebook: “ OOOH hey Guise!!! I didn’t see you there!, I was just on Farmville! Don’t you guys love that game!?” Tumblr: (sarcastically) “ yea..it’s great!” Twitter: “Tumblr I need to use the bathroom, care to join me?!” Tumblr: “ why certainly !!” Both exit, as twitter leaves she mutters ‘wow that was a close one’. Wiki enters from CSL. Wiki spots Facebook and turns to leave. Facebook: “WIKI WAIT ! (Facebook runs towards wiki, grabs her and drags her to the chairs) LISTEN I have super-duper BIG news, now remember this news came from me and only me! I don’t want anybody else getting the credit like twitter or something! So we must be clear that Facebook knows everything and is a genius!! okay? (wiki nods and is about to say something then Facebook cuts her off) shhh okay! Are you ready? You must keep this to yourself…I have heard that Google is involved with MySpace’s death and that Google may or may not be in the same condition that MySpace was in!” (Wiki sits in shock; Facebook is obviously pleased with herself) Wiki: “..how do you?-“ Facebook: “I know, I’m amaaazing!” Wiki: ( getting more upset) “Google is dying!” ( Facebook nods) i…must tell everyone ! I was right…we are not safe!! We are in danger!! I must let the world KNOW !!!” Wiki stands and rushes out the room, leaving Facebook looking surprised, FD
