Living with HIV: All your questions answered.
As you know, my good friend Michael Aries, 53, kindly agreed to be interviewed. Anyone who has ever met Michael would know how much he loves to talk, so keeping him to a time limit of 20minutes was tough ! He told me he how "very impressed" he was with everyone's questions and thought you all seemed "intelligent and really switched on".
WHAT BEING HIV+ MEANS: an interview with Michael Aries
RM Are you gay or straight?
JMc How, and when, did you get HIV?
A: I don't know when I was infected but reckon it was within a year of being diagnosed
LH Can you only eat certain foods if you’re HIV?
A: There are no food restrictions although the medications do have criteria to be taken either before, during or after eating.
Sarah Do you feel pain every day with HIV/AIDS?
A: No, When people start taking medication there will be side effects which can be painful but this is temporary, thereafter as long as a patient adheres to their regime and the drugs continue to work then there should be no physical problems.
SM How old were you when you found out?
Heather What age were you when you found out you were HIV+?
Callum Has finding out changed your sex life?
SS Does HIV affect your sexual life?
A: Everyone is an individual with their own conscience to guide them. When I was diagnosed my first thought was "Who have I infected?", I couldn't allow myself to worry about that side of things though, first because I didn't know I was infected at the time and secondly because I was a bit of a lad back then so couldn't contact those people if I wanted to. What I could do is make sure I did not put anyone else at risk from me so I chose to become celebate.
MM Has it changed your sexual confidence?
A: No, I am accutely aware of the perception people get when they hear those three letters. The problem for most HIV people isn't confidence in sex but when to disclose their condition to a potential partner.
Becca Has this changed your sex life in any way?
A: I am accutely aware of the risks involved when indulging in casual unprotected sex. I certainly wouldn't sleep around now.
David Did you still have sex with anyone?
A: I'm not clear as to what your asking here, if you mean did I still have sex while being HIV then the asnwer is yes but that was before I knew. Since knowing I am HIV I have gone through a period of celebacy to protect other people and only now (because I have confidence that my condition is stable and my medication is working) do I actively pursue relationships. My current status is Undetectable which means that the technology available cannot count the HIV cells in my blood.
Gaynor Does this affect your relationship life?
A: All relationships are successful through honesty, in the early stage of a relationship we want people to see us at our best, HIV is a unique condition because of the ideas it conjures up in peoples minds. instantly your sex life comes under scutiny, your sexuality and even your character, people will assume the worst that you are a drug user or did something to deserve the infection. In this sense HIV does affect relationships
Helen How did you know when you got HIV?
A:I used to give blood before I went to London, when I came back I decided to do my civic duty again and donated a pint (Blood screening had just been introduced then). a few weeks later I was called back to the clinic and told bluntly that I was HIV+, I had no idea that I was even at risk prior to that
Beth How did you not know before you went for your blood tests?
A: HIV is a sneaky little virus and can lie dormant for years before any symptoms become apparent. I suspect if I hadn't gone to give blood that day then eventually after a couple of years I'd start to develop persistant ailments, because the Doctor wouldn't routinely check for HIV my health would have gradually deteriorated to a fatal point without proper diagnosis.
Kaitlin How did you feel when you were waiting on your results?
A: That scenario doesn't apply to me because I was completely unaware that I had any risk from HIV so the revelation was a bombshell. I do assist at a Fast Test clinic though and can tell you that most people come into the clinic with worry etched on their faces.
DC What was your reaction when you were told you had HIV?
Lauren J How did you feel when you were told you were HIV positive?
Stephanie How did you take life a couple of days after you found out?
Claire What were your first thoughts and reactions when you found out?
RG Was it hard to take in the news?
Emma What was it like when you were told?
A: I sat in a Doctors office being waited on by a nurse, the doctor sat astride his desk like a pal instead of behind it like a professional. I sat opposite thinking "get on with it". He then said "there's no easy way to tell you this Mr Aries...You're HIV+", I heard myself say the word "Shit" and the rest of the consultation is a blank until I was being lead out of the office with a handful of cards and leaflets, the Doctor then said "You seem to be taking this quite well" to which I thought 'Try looking through my eyes mate' then I got drunk and stayed drunk for three months. Was I scared? I suppose I was, at that time HIV was a death sentence but I was too numb with alcohol of feel it. I don't cry as a rule but was sad for a very long time.
EB How do you contract the disease? Were you born with it, or was it something else?
A: HIV is transmitted through exchange of body fluids, Blood, saliva, semen and vaginal fluids. In the days before blood screening some people were infected through contaminated blood products, now though the common methods of infection are unprotected sex (Gay or Straight) with and infected partner or needle exchange with an infected drug user. An infected woman who is pregnant may pass on the virus to her unborn child but not always.
SJC Do you know the person who gave you it? Did you confront them?
A: I can't say for certain who infected me but I do have an idea of the most likely candidate and no I couldn't confront if I wanted to, it was a one night thing and I didn't take their name address or any other contact detail.
Gemma Was it female or male?
CT How did your family react when you told them?
A: One of my sisters cried and thought I was going to die the other was pragmatic and asked the same questions you are asking, both have been very supportive.
Jack: How did your parents deal with you telling them the news?
and Did it affect your relationship with your parents?
CD What was the family reaction?
Megan How does it affect your life and family?
Sarah How did your family and friends react?
KB Have your family had anything to do with your HIV?
Millie How did your family, friends and anyone you know react?
A: I regard myself as a very lucky man, All my friends and family have been supportive and been a great strength too me, particularily during the time I did receive prejudice from people. They asked questions and wanted to know what they could do to help me and make life easier for me.
LM Who was the first person you told about your condition?
A: When I came out of my drunken stupor I plucked up the courage to go to see a consultant and then started my first drug regime. A couple of months later I told one of my closest friends I was HIV. We met in a cafe, which he knew was unusual so asked me what was wrong. I bowed my head and quietly squeaked "I'm Hiv+" and waited for the reaction. He took my hand with sympathy on his face, said he was sorry to hear that and then asked me how I was feeling. That was the first time anyone had asked me that question in nearly a year.
Haven Do you feel confident telling someone you have HIV?
A: Absolutely. Knowledge is power! I was unlucky to be infected as I was, it wasn't my fault and I don't blame the person who infected me but I can and will do anything in my power to ensure that other people don't suffer the same fate as me, so yes I am confident telling people.
Stephanie Do you feel isolated when you tell someone you have HIV?
A: Categorically NO. If anyone tries to make light of the condition or use it a leverage I am fully equipped to put them in their place.
Abbey Did anyone laugh when you told them?
A: Not laugh, but someone did start a chinese whisper that caused me problems for a while
Sarah Do you find it hard to find a relationship?
A: God loves a trier and we all experience rejection, it is only difficult if you allow it to be.
A: Yep! I am happy, healthy and honoured to be talking to you all
AS Are you still confident about yourself?
LG Has your view of life changed since you were diagnosed?
Lauren C Ever since you found out, have you looked at life different?
AA Has your life changed, or is it still the same, like nothing happened?
Chloe How does HIV affect your life and everything you do?
Katelyn Did finding out you had HIV make you change your views and the way you look at life?
A: Everyone's view of life changes through time, we all have trials to deal with, you all will have experiences over the years that will shape your views. HIV has changed the direction of my life but it has also given me direction and through that new friends, achievements, ambitions and goals.
Rebecca Does it affect your daily routine?
A: It did for awhile now it's part of it. I get up in the morning, go to the loo, make a coffee, have my breakfast, have my tablets, shower, get dressed and walk the dogs. It's a normal routine.
LE Do you worry about what will happen if you develop AIDS symptoms?
A: I came to terms with my own mortality a long time ago. Everyone dies sometime and some people have cruel, sudden and painful deaths. When the time comes I'll be prepared for it and will be able to die content.
Chloe and Amy How do you cope with this disease?
A: I wake up and moan how short the days are, get as much done as I can then go to bed at night planning the next day. There really isn't anything to cope with for me.
MC Any advice you would like to pass on to anyone who is HIV positive?
A: When you need help ask for it, don't let the virus beat you.
And, finally, any advice you would like to give those who happen to be HIV negative?
A: Be careful, enjoy your lives but make sure you get tested regularly for your own peace of mind. The virus is very difficult to catch so more people get a negative result than positive, it'll save you years of worry.
Thank you very much for answering our questions, Michael. I'm sure this will be very helpful for my students.