Okay. I think this needs to be said.
We appreciate allies. We do. We are very glad that there are people who treat us like human beings and not just political agendas. For this we are grateful.
And you should be allowed in some of our spaces, this is true. You have a right to support us and you have a right to be included in discussions of gender and sexuality.
I don’t know what its like to be an ally. I can’t speak for you.
But I do know what its like to be queer. I have been a social outsider since I was seven simply at the very rumor that I might be gay. Before I could even form into words what homosexuality was, I was made fun of relentlessly for it. People assumed that all my friendships were lovers. I was told I was a sinner by someone I grew up with, having never even touched another woman. They threw rocks at me. They played cruel pranks. I was threatened.
I am not in school anymore. I am in the working world now. My queerness has prevented me from getting jobs. From keeping jobs. From finding housing. My girlfriend of five years has still not told her parents because she’s afraid that she’ll be put out on the streets for it and cut out of the will. I love my girlfriend, but I can’t talk about her unless I know that its safe to. And when I do feel myself safe enough to come out, the most common reaction is to play matchmaker. When I come out further as polyamorous, I am told even by people in my own community that I am a whore. That I give the LGBTQA community a bad name.
And on the scale of things… I have it very, very easy.
What is upsetting about many allies is not that we want to exclude you. It is that your voices tend to drown out ours. We need room to speak, and we are denied it. These are our troubles. Our voices must be magnified to be heard.
And this is why we shout.
It gets crowded to have straight people speak for us. So much that certain members do not feel welcome. The “A” in LGBTQA does not mean “Allies.” It is for asexuals. They have every right to our spaces, and yet they are told that they do not exist.
Asexuals suffer some of the same stigmas as the rest of us. “You just haven’t had GOOD sex.” “How would you know if you’ve never had it?” “What if you want kids?” “That’ll change.” “I can change that for you.”
If that last one makes you feel ill, then good. It should. That voice is getting crowded out, and so many people seem to think that allies belong more than asexuals. That is why we are upset about people coming out as allies. Its not that you don’t belong. Its that you are drowning out people whose voices aren’t even being heard.
By all means speak up for our rights. But when someone with firsthand experience has something to say, let them have the floor.
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
prguitarman
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
