PILLOWTALK.

@aidenfabray

aiden fabray • 17 • senior

363 posts

lucasevans:

“Right, well. Thanks then, I guess?” he mumbled, playing with his fingers as he did. He blinked up at Aiden as he felt his hand cup his cheek. “What do you mean how? That kind of thing just happens… what do you mean it doesn’t make sense.”

Aiden bit down on his bottom lip. “I.. I don’t know.. How is that something that just happens?” he asked softly, not expecting an answer. Of course he knew that people sometimes just got sick without a clear reason, but the fact that Lucas was one of them was scaring the hell out of him, especially since diabetes wasn’t something that could just be cured. Aiden gently traced the smooth line of Lucas’ jaw with his thumb as he gazed into his eyes. “I love you..”, the words left his mouth before he even realized they did, and before he gave Lucas the chance to reply to them, he had captured the boy’s lips with his own.

lucasevans:

“Yea, but…” Lucas trailed off, he didn’t have the energy to start up an argument. “I guess. I just figured there were better people to waste your time on.” He added softly before sighing. “Low blood sugar. They ran tests all morning after I woke up then…. prognosis? Type I diabetes. I’m fine though. Really.”

“You figured wrong then, babe.” Aiden leaned in closer to his ex-boyfriend and lifted his hand to cup his cheek. His eyes widened when Lucas told him he had diabetes. “..What? Diabetes? How?” he shook his head in disbelief. ”That doesn’t even make sense.”

lucasevans:

“Why?” Lucas responded quicker than her probably should have. With a small sigh, and a shake of his head, he looked down at his hands. “I’m fine. You don’t have to waste your time worrying about me.”

“Why? Because you’re in a hospital, you dork.” Aiden replied, furrowing his brow. “Yea, well, it’s up to me what I feel like wasting my time on. So, are you going to answer me or what? What’s up with you? Why did you faint?”

lucasevans:

Lucas looked up at Aiden, eyes wide and groggy. He was the last person Lucas expected to see around. Even he was sick. Using his hands to push himself straighter up on the bed, he blinked up at Aiden. “What… are you doing here?” he asked, confusion evident.

“What do you think I’m doing here, Lucas? They told me you had fainted at school and I just want to check on you, make sure you’re okay...” he told him as he grabbed a chair for himself to sit on. “So... how are you feeling?”

Lucas woke up a few moments before he allowed his eyes to open. His head hurt, he could hear someone moving about around him, and he could small that distinct sterilized scent that a hospital always carried. Finally opening his eyes, he groaned slightly thanks to the bright white of the room he was in, and looked around at his surroundings.

Aiden had rushed to the hospital as soon as he heard the news that Lucas had fainted at school. Though he had broken up with him right before Christmas and the two of them had stopped talking ever since, Aiden was still extremely worried about his ex boyfriend. When he arrived at the room Lucas was in, the boy was still asleep, so Aiden figured he shouldn’t stick around. He grabbed one of the spare vases the hospital provided, filled it up with water and put the flowers he had bought in it. After he had put the vase on Lucas’ bedside table, he was just about to turn his heels and leave when suddenly Lucas opened his eyes. “Babe?”, he spoke softly, not wanting to scare the boy.

PM || Laiden

lucasevans:

Tonight wasn’t supposed to go like this. It was supposed to be good. I was supposed to gain the thing I never had. Not lose the thing I love. But fine, you want to break up with me then fine. Thanks for ripping my heart out of my chest and just tearing it to shreds. So much for always having you, right? Right…

You’ll always have me, as a friend... we can’t be more than that. And if you were completely honest with yourself, then you’d understand why I’m doing this.

PM || Laiden

lucasevans:

Bullshit! You don’t love me, because if you loved me you wouldn’t be doing this to me! You wouldn’t be leaving me like everyone else always does! We can get on the same page. Being in a relationship is about making compromises. That’s how they last forever, by compromising with each other and loving each other….

Sure, Lucas... if that’s what you wanna believe. Either way, it doesn’t change anything, because it’s still over between us.

PM || Laiden

lucasevans:

No. No, I don’t want that to happen. What do you mean we’re not good for each other? How are we toxic for each other? I don’t understand what you mean. We’re great together, not toxic, never toxic, please. I love you, Aiden. You can’t just do this.

Because we both want different things and we’re never on the same page about anything. All this compromising to please each other isn’t going to make either of us happy. And you... you need me too much, Lucas. It makes me feel like I’m drowning sometimes just to make you happy. I love youtoo, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry but I just can’t...

PM || Laiden

lucasevans:

No, please… we don’t have to do that. Why do we have to do that? We can work all of this out. I’ll even accept the no as an answer, just please don’t do that. Anything but that, please.

No, you need to accept that I’m breaking up with you and move on with your life. We both have to. We’re not good for each other, Lucas. In fact, we’re toxic for each other. It’s better this way.

PM || Laiden

lucasevans:

I don’t care if it’s bad. Or if it’s something I won’t want to hear. We can’t just leave this hanging and expect it to disappear. So please, say something, anything… don’t leave this be.

Fine... if you insist... I don’t know how to tell you this without hurting your feelings, or without giving you an anxiety attack... so I’m just going to keep it short. I’m breaking up with you.

PM || Laiden

You left. And never came back. I get I might have done something you weren’t happy about me doing but you didn’t need to run away. And please don’t ignore this. We need to talk about this…

...And what if I don’t wanna talk about it, Lucas? What if I have nothing to say that you wanna hear?

lucasevans:

Of course I do, I love spending my time with you… And yes, if that’s okay? I kind of just want to spend a night in bed. I just started feeling less queasy from before, and I really really just wanna cuddle, and play with your hair, and watch Dead Poets, and have a serene night in.

Yea, sure, whatever.. we’ll watch that boring emo movie again.. and cuddle, and whatever else you want, but can’t we at least ‘serenely’ make out just a little bit too, babe?

lucasevans:

Um… okay? Just, not like that… I didn’t mean it like you’re not sweet to me. I mean, you always are. I just meant, like, when you do the extra things. I like that. Like, when you do go out of your way to try to make me feel better. And you put up with all of the annoying things about me. And when you sit through movies with me rather than, ya know, having sex cause I don’t feel good or something… and the patience you do have with me… I meant that… I’m sorry.

Yea, yea, I got your point... Geez, you must really want me to come over.. Fine then, I’ll be there in a minute....

..So, I’m guessing this does mean that sex is off the table tonight, huh?

lucasevans:

… Okay. I’ll consider it, okay? Because I respect your opinion, and if you really think I should then I will… Huh? Oh… no. You took that completely wrong. I didn’t mean it like that.

Sure you do... Just do whatever you want, Lucas. Like you always do. And how else was I suppose to take that then? Please do explain.

lucasevans:

I’m fine. I handle myself. Mostly. …. All that matters is you’re trying. Even if you slip up still, at least I’ll know you’re trying… Yea, of course. I can do that. I’m sorry….. Are you still coming by? I could honestly really use the hugs I was hoping to get.

No, you’re not fine, but whatever... I’ll keep my opinion to myself since you don’t appreciate it. I don’t know, Lucas... like you said, it’s not that often that I’m sweet to you, right?

lucasevans:

I’m fine. I don’t need that…. I don’t know… just try really really hard to bite your tongue? I know it’s not ideal, but please try it? Because next year you can’t just say you’re sorry and come cuddle me to make up for it. So, it’s better to start learning now.

I think you do, babe, and that’s just my honest opinion. If you worry so much that it even gives you chest pains, then you need to do something about it, because that can’t be healthy. And well, I’ll try, but keeping our mouths shut isn’t exactly what Fabray’s are known for. ...Right, and while I work on that, maybe you could work on being a little less demanding and overly sensitive about everything I do ‘wrong’.

lucasevans:

I don’t get me either, okay. I don’t understand why I worry about the things I worry about, or why everything is my fault. It just is that way, I can’t change it. I know it’s irrational, and I don’t want to do it, but I can’t help it. All I know is certain things make my chest hurt really really badly, and my stomach feel like it’s flipped all the way around, and like if I don’t fix the thing that’s messed up more bad stuff will happen. I know you try to help and I appreciate it… but for the feeling to go away I need to do it myself. All of it…. You’re not the only one frustrated here. And it only makes it worse when you call me names. It makes me feel like I’m messing up even worse… Even if you don’t mean them.

Well, maybe you need to see someone for that, Lucas... because that’s not normal, and it’s hindering you in your daily life. Alright, then what do you expect me to do when you’re upset? Since you don’t want me to help you... it’s kinda hard to just do nothing, you know?

PILLOWTALK. @aidenfabray - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag