Terrible, Thanks for Asking | Acts 8:26-39

My life experiences as a Christian Transman: Overcoming the physical, emotional, and spiritual struggles | Co-Founder & Creative Director for The Normality Project | Videograoher/Editor for the I am the T Film | Texas born & raised | INFP

[aidenskywalker]

I just wanted you to know you are loved and what happened wasn't your fault.

i received this message five years ago. so i figure it’s time for me to answer it. i’m sure that the person who sent it to me thought that i deleted it back then. i didn’t. i held on to it this long. and everytime i would clean out my inbox I couldn’t bring myself to answer or delete this message.

i remember crying when i first got this. One of the reasons was because the fact that of the validation i was receiving but it was met with the shame of wanting that validation. i also remember crying because the process i was feeling at that time was my fault. The process the other person was feeling was my fault. i failed to be who i should have been. while this message affirmed that it wasn’t my fault, i could never get over the fact that it really was. i cried because of the guilt that I felt. I cried because of the validation it presented that i should have not ever taken. validation that i kept coming back to for years.

when i see this message today, it hurts on a different level. i don’t take the love that is presented in the message anymore. and that’s not specific to a person, that’s to everyone. i don’t trust love anymore. i have become jaded by it. and i have seen and felt too many people use and abuse me in the name of loving me. being loved is a weird concept that i don’t easily take now. and additionally to this day i still believe it’s my fault.

do i regret some the last five years? it’s complicated but mostly no. but would i choose this again if i could go back in time? maybe not. i would hope not at least. i mean i should have learned something from what happened five years ago. do I believe that the universe would have brought all involved together later on anyways? who knows, probably.

this isn’t appealing to hear or process, i’m aware. being vulnerable and open and raw isn’t appealing to begin with. but it’s where i am. holding on to something that was probably never really meant for you in the first place is unhealthy. hoping that by finally releasing this message it would bring some healing. not only for me but for anybody else involved.

[aidenskywalker]

Been thinking about you dude hope things are ok. :)

hey friend. things are a bit rocky right now but in time it will be all okay. i’ve been hanging out over at @folina-mmxii lately. that’s why this page has been super quiet. hope you are doing well.

[aidenskywalker]

You can now find me at @folina-mmxii on tumblr. This one isn’t getting deleted but I need a place to post where my posts can actually be seen...

[aidenskywalker]

Im going to make a new version of this blog because tumblr won’t respond to my inquiries about why my blog is still set to explicit.. I’ll let y’all know when I create a new one.

Thanks, @staff for not actually reading your emails from those who took the process you told us to take..

[aidenskywalker]

It’s not very often that my roommate sees me shirtless. Not on purpose, but that just how it happens. On our way to lunch yesterday she told me that, “I know you had surgery but when I saw you shirtless this morning it didnt even cross my mind. Your scars are not noticeable at all!”.

I actually cheered at that statement because for a long time before surgery I wondered how my scars would look. After surgery it became overall happiness that I had surgery and was closer to being me. I’m actually more self conscious about my stomach and my “love handles” these days than my chest. (Which is funny to me because I can love it on other people but am so against my own self having “love handles”. But that’s a story for another day.) But as grateful as I am that I had surgery, invisible scars is an added bonus for me.

As much as I usually don’t run around telling the world that I’m trans and I celebrate how my transition looks to me and how happy I am with my results, I am very aware that I am cis passing and safe most of the time. However right now, I’m leaning into a season where I can be more open and vulnerable in public forums. In matter of fact, it’s going to be encouraged for me to do so so change can be gained for acceptance of trans people in my current spaces.

It’s one thing for me to be accepted because I “pass” but it’s another for the community to be accepted as a whole in the spaces and organizations I am apart of. Im not about being picky choosey on who can be accepted and who can’t because they look one way. There’s not one way to be trans. I’m not doing what I do for myself. This is where my work with @normalityproject & @flavntstreetwear comes in. It’s about being visible when you can be. And when you can’t be visible (aka most of my transition so far), doing things to elevate and make others visible.

Happy TDOV y’all. Y’all are valid. Y’all are loved.

[heavydirtysoul-24]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

“I don’t want you to be hopeful, I want you to feel fear” this girl is 43 levels of metal

[jaxuhmillion]

You made your boyfriend and then you made me your husband ❤️

[jaxuhmillion]

Just a little flex 💪🏾

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

Don’t give up on the person you’re becoming

[aidenskywalker]

Going off of the grid after one of the worst weeks of my life is much needed.

[refinery29]

This guy just had an amazingly heartwarming Q&A with his grandmother about what it was like for her when he came out as trans

Coming out is never easy — and when you’re coming out to someone who’s more than 60 years your senior, there’s more to overcome than in the usual “here, Grandma, let me explain the internet” conversation. But when 11-year-old Gavin Cueto told his grandma that he’s transgender, it was surprisingly smooth sailing. In fact, Nana Elaine puts any tired stereotype about close-minded older folks to shame.

Gifs: Gavin Cueto

WATCH THE VIDEO

[rymonaflowers]

I’m not crying, you’re crying 😭

[thegoodvybe]

“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.”

— Unknown (via thegoodvybe)

[aidenskywalker]

Has anybody tested for cure inhibition and found something that failed the test?

[aidenskywalker]

For my Texas Transguys:

I typically will buy my testosterone from CVS, however, i’d never pick up my syringes from there because I always have a stash and whenever that stash ran low I would just run to H-E-B and get some. However H-E-B has now changed their policy to where you cannot buy syringes unless you get fill your prescription from them for your insulin, testosterone or anything else that might need a syringe. So please keep that in mind if you ever run low on syringes. There are other places that will sell you syringes at the pharmacy like CVS and I believe Walmart.

[oliviafitmomof3]

[nicobico23]

A black belt is just a white belt who never quit.

[aidenskywalker]

So most days I’m grateful enough to have even have had top surgery that I ignore the fact that I will probably need a revision on my right side. Even in this picture it looks swollen but it’s not. It’s just there’s extra skin there which creates a pouch on my chest. It’s the reason why I stopped taking pictures of my chest all together. I thought maybe I could just get fit and fill it out and it will even itself out but the chances of that happening currently isn’t very likely. Today is 3 years post op btw.

[aidenskywalker]

So for those of you who are waiting on GenderCat products the wait time is apparently 12ish weeks. They received so much business from PTWC that production times went up. They are really nice people though and respond to customer emails pretty well. They told me that I should have my product in about a week!