ailia @ailiya-astra - Tumblr Blog

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

hey guys pack it up the apocalypse is here sorry. No yeah it came early my bad

#my mother showed up unannounced #this is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse #I’m not kidding the stranger things clock bonging started playing

adhd is like is anyone else going to pluck every hair from my face or can I?

#adhd #I’m pretty sure #I say I’m pretty sure but the only thing stopping me from having a diagnosis #is my explicit refusal to be tested despite my psych trying to coax me #like a biker who has pulled up on the side of the road to try and coax a muddy kitten out of a ditch #I am Biting her #‘but you’ll be able to get accomodations’#consider; life needs to be hard #otherwise I’ll drift away into the ether of massive ego death and disintegrate my sense of self #checkmate #bite

By god every semester I go into exam block and déréalise so hard that time and place disintegrate and every semester I freak out like it’s a new thing.

Like no bby girl, you just handle stress by clocking out of reality, pussy up.

#locking in #to such an extent that I am no longer a person #I become the lock in #would probably not hit as hard if I actually did more work throughout the e semester #but that’s a lesson I would have learnt five years ago if was ever going to #so a bit late now #either way you get to see the shrimp colours #so

Staging a photoshoot with my homemade iced coffee. Now I’m looking at it

I’m looking at it

What do i do with these photos

#iced latte #wait no #iced long black #made a cold foam and everything #I’m so spaced out at the moment #truly wigging #what do i do with these #I just have them now

I’m walking around a farmers markets in leather BOOTS rn can’t tell me nothing

#ugh yes #it’s like wearing a scarf in the snow #appropriate clothing #or like a hat at a rodeo #I’m going to start laughing in the organic produce stall

kubo

ailiya-astra

2022 me

#was unsuccessful #don’t worry #or do worry I guess #depending on how much you believe in my passion and drive #I’d like to believe in myself like meatball does #thank you #meatball

Has anyone else noticed the wonder and beauty in the world? Are you guys seeing the way the sun flickers between your eyelashes on a winter day? Guys are you seeing this?

#finished my exam #one of four but still #there is joy and beauty in the world for those with exams to see #who wants to skip rope with me #I don’t need to study #I’m like a beautiful exam-free horsey

cryptotheism

Teleporting does kill you but it also launches your soul through samsara in a sort of geostationary orbit velocity, so you reincarnate instantly.

cetitan

I’ve never really learned how to braid my hair very well.

I can braid other peoples hair very well, just not my own. When I do it myself it stays but not for long.

I’m not sure which is worse; refusing to learn so that someone might offer to do it for me, or that ‘it’ll hold’ is just good enough that no one will.

#like it’s a bit sad and I could overanalyse it #but also the practical result is that I regularly look like I’ve scrambled through a thorn bush #braids #are difficult backwards #my mum is also bad at braiding #so like #psychoanalyse #that #you freaks #anyway don’t offer to teach me it’s none of my business what goes on back there

Crazy thing about adhd is that when people say they self medicate with caffeine and you go wow science is cool.

Years later. Years later I’m trying it for myself.

I am so supremely and wonderfully caffeinated rn and I have like ???? Done washing????!?

#adhd #is a wonderful wonderful world #I’m so happy #this is going to wreck my body #but not until later!!

I dreamt once that I had to perform on stage with a band full of men who were trying to grow beards. I was playing guitar (I cannot play guitar) and no one would tell me what song we were playing.

Then a man (not apart of the band, maybe the lights guy) stood up and apologised before the crowd (gambling anonymous apology). I was nodding he was nodding everywas nodding like yeah man soeak your truth.

Then he said that he would repay his debts, much like the Soviet Union.

I, having said nothing through this whole ordeal, finally laugh a bit because like you know… they didn’t.

And the Entire Crowd turns on me and starts booing me so hard that I wake up and, half awake, had to google to whether I was being clowned on by my subconscious for no reason. (I was)

I think the best part was the fact that it was such a stereotypical ‘forgot a test at school’ dream that kept having to up the stakes because I was simply not embarrassed enough to wake up.

And the thing that got me was the possibility of misremembering the Cold War

#self sabotage #ussr #what ever happened to that #one time i dreamt #guy?#because by god I’ve got some stories #all nonsensical but still

Feeling things that have only ever been expressed by teenage boys in media is great except for the part where you look for instances of women going through it (you know for projection purposes) only to find that every version of that story is now Feeling But As A Woman. Which is an important distinction from Feeling. Obviously

I love you but I don’t have time to work through my Feeling let alone my Feeling As A Woman.

This is why I am Iron Man, actually.

#look sometimes I don’t have time to be intersectional #I’m not that emotionally smart #I find someone to project onto which is good and healthy actually #sometimes it’s just gotta be a middle aged man #or maybe even all the times #iron man

vafrosaon

under your focused gaze

Substack is great except for the large population of people on there who should not have an account and instead would really do great with a tumblr account, some substance abuse and a long journey via public transportation

#hello my name is Dr Internet lurker #I diagnose you with social media - life experience gap #I prescribe Anthony Bourdain

I have been a 14 year old, I have been depressed, I have been a lot of things. But nothing has prepared me for the Existential Crisis Final Boss

Unemployment

#microdosing astral projection #by being bombarded with mini-crises all at once all day #maybe it’s a lack of structure adhd thing #but I prefer to believe it’s the beginning of my ascension #no #it’s adhd

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