Discover Top Posts Tagged with #self sabotage

Reckoning

(Daeron Targaryen X Wife Reader)

Part 1 & Part 2

Tags: Angst, somno, dub con, cumming inside, cock worship, PnV, smut smut smut (basically a montage of fucking for a minute there), edging, oral F receiving, oral M receiving, fingering, breeding, lots of crying (only half the time while fucking 😩), prone position, Dreams are mentioned, Daeron acting erratic, mentions of drinking, depression, poisoning, miscarriage, character death, Dead Dove when you reach the Dragonstone section. !!Self sabotaging Daeron!!

Word Count: 20k (forgive me)

Summary: You and Daeron’s relationship has turned over a new leaf ever since coming to the realization that you both shared genuine feelings for one another. You are beyond please because now you both share a marriage bed and have genuine companionship. For a long time he feels similarly, you are the distraction and support he has always needed to not feel like isolation is the answer to his problems. You understand him, as much as somebody who did not share the join trauma of his bloodline could and things were going well, until it finally happens. He dreams of you.

A/N: hiiiiii, I got a bit carried away with this one. This is the 3rd and final part of the Daeron Fail Husband series. I broke this fic into three sections and incase the content tags are a concern for you I’ll let you know that summerhall is fluffy and smutty, the Red Keep is Angsty and smutty(somno), and Dragonstone is where things take a much darker tone. Hope you’ve all enjoyed becoming emotionally attached to Daeron and his haunted eyes as I have!

Summerhall

There was a warm glow that seemed to have spread over the large hall when you next saw it. Your arrival back to the keep, legs thrown over the same side of the saddle, was a shock to all who had not been apart of the party traveling to and from the tourney. Your own horse was carrying some bags since it was otherwise useless to you because considering you were sat atop Daeron’s horse, his arms caging you in.

“Look!” Rhae smirked at her sister whispering in each others ears as the lot of you made your way into the courtyard. The trip had hardly been two moons in length but you felt like a changed women!

If Daeron hadn’t seemed like a changed man as well then his father likely would have put a stop to this nonsense of you sharing his son’s mount for the final leg of the journey home.

Maekar only sighed heavily at the foolish sight, and he gave Aerion a sharp glare to ensure that no snide remarks were made as they left the last hall they had been hosted at. Gods knew his eldest need not be pushed from the girl. If Daeron wife was this enthralling to him than it would be to the betterment of all their lives!

You reveled in the shameless fascination he held for you now. You be mad to not enjoy his pretty eyes staring at you all day. His lips trailing down your back. The little remarks he made and the sonnets he recalled just for you.

It was a drastic difference for those who had last seen you at Summerhall, for his sister who had been increasingly disappointed by the continued realization that their brother cared not for their new good sister. He was the first of their siblings to marry, it was all quite exciting for them and that had made the disappointment in the lack of romance all the greater.

Daeron let go of the reigns as men from the stalls came to settle the horse. His hand able now to brush against your back. He tapped up it slightly and you flushed recalling the night prior. He had told rather suddenly after seeing you soaking in the bath for a while that you had quite a few marks on your back. Moles and freckles and other marks on your skin. He wanted to know each one. His smile had warmed you despite the slowly cooling water that you’d been still half submerged in. He had counted every single mark on your body. Only to determine he’d need better light to have a real count. You hardly could complain considering he had done his search with sweet tender kisses.

You stepped down when the small stool was brought over and almost slipped off because he had joined you with such a speed that you had not yet made the final step down to the earth.

His hand closed over your side to keep you stable and as you looked up at him to giggle your nose brushed his jaw and his drag against your temple some.

“It’s repulsive.” Aerion sneered storming out of the yards and into the keep. He wanted away from them. The charming behavior, as he had heard other nobles describe it, was nauseating. So much so that he made a few remarks to Daeron, after the burn from his attempts at wooing you had subsided, trying to put some doubt into his brothers head, convince him he looked like a fool! The words didn’t stick, in fact they hardly registered. You consumed to much of his mind currently for him to worry over his brothers snide remarks.

You smiled, charmed by his little sisters, when they approached eagerly. You could see the question in their eyes as they blinked up at you and their eldest brother. Their brother who they had not seem smile this plainly in a long time. He indulged them when he could, but his remarks were always a bit on the edge of what was likely suitable for girls of their age. You were sure they enjoyed being treated more like people but still. It had been obvious that some intent within his interactions had always been for his sisters to be ushered away by maids who feared what his next slurred sentence might bring.

“We’ve things for you both,” we, the two of you. It had you pressing instinctually back against him. “Let our things be unpacked and i shall find you after supper.” You promised them. They’d want to know about the tourney you were sure, but clearly they were curious about their brother and you. It was obvious in the way their hands tracked his line of sight to your lips as you spoke and how his hand did not falter from your side.

You were not ashamed to admit that you liked knowing people knew he favored you, that he enjoyed his wife, that he was more than content in your company. You’d put up with a year of him avoiding you, if his generally mopey demeanor and random drunken remarks, on a good day, you felt this care was owed to you!

You had gone to your private chambers for a proper bathe, one that had the comforts you were used to, it was revitalizing after so many days in the road. Even with that and the mid day rest you had found after the maid finished brushing and braiding your hair you found yourself growing tired at supper. Daeron hardly ate, one hand laid over your lap stroking your leg above your skirts and the other was propped up on the table, his thumb tracing the length of his cups handle.

You did not drink, despite the cider that was served. Quite a few casks had been brought back. You did not even noticed his brother watching tk see if you indulged in any. Daeron and made it clear. You were a sad drunk…he wouldn’t have any of that.

You made no remark about his own indulgence, mostly because it had not been an issue like it was prior. He drank plenty still, of course, enough that his head felt faint some morning when he woke. but he need not drink himself into a dark mindless exhaustion. It was beyond need, it all felt more dire than that. he could not leave you alone every night and miss you as he was wrapped in the heavy nothingness that a bottle gave him. Night was when he got to enjoy you naked and pressed to him. He would not miss that again, not after depriving you both of that at the start of your marriage.

The meal lasted longer than either of you preferred. Eventually Maekar had reached his limits as well with his daughters countless questions. He had missed them while away that went without needing be said, at least in his mind, but the questions were fatiguing. Young girls seemed to have a never ending supply of curiosity. One he could not manage at the moment after struggling with his three sons for a moon.

Daeron stood from the table as soon as his father cleared his throat and called for the food to be taken away. You did not hesitate to follow and a moment later your warm chuckle was audible for those still at the table as Daeron pressed his mouth to your neck the moment you both were in the hallway.

“I take it I’m to return to my own chambers now?” You asked him, dramatically raising your brow.

Daeron shook his head and took your arm to lead you in the direction of his rooms. “I’ll have not such thing, i am still trying to absolve myself of the guilt for neglecting you.” His hand slipped from your arm to snake around your side and rub against your hip.

“Unless-Have you finally grown sore my finch?” He questioned.

You’d shared a bed with him every night since he found you entertaining his brother. He’d lapped at your cunt and taken you in countless positions over the past moon.

“It was a lot of riding.” You flushed the moment your husband’s eyes sparkled with deep amusement.

“Aye, it had been alot…I’d not thought you’d enjoy that position so much.” He teased you as he pushed open his chamber door to slip you both inside and he smiled when the door was latched shut. He’d been looking forward to being alone with you here.

“I did not mean riding in your lap my prince.” You sighed rolling your eyes as you stepped out of your shoes as you entered his chambers.

It was odd being in here, you hadn’t been in this room since the evening of your wedding. The situation at hand had been so daunting for you that you hadn’t the wherewithal to actually look around the room and notice the things he kept in here and the way he’d had it decorated. You trailed your hand across one of the wooden posts of the bed.

“Would you send me away to my chamber if I said I was sore?” You asked, not looking back at him, just stepping up to the small table that was near the door to the balcony.

“There is company to be had outside of lustful body mashing wife.” Daeron assured you. He had taken his jacket off and his vest as well at his belt, he wanted to be comfortable now that the day was done.

He came up behind you and touched your long twisting hair, gathering it all over one of your shoulders and he began to unlace your gown. It wasn’t a frenzied movement. He wasn’t trying to instigate anything with you. He just found that he wanted you to be as comfortable as he felt in this moment. That wouldn’t be possible all bound up in the gown, even if he enjoyed seeing you in the lovely mauve color.

“There is?” You smirk “I quite like your company when your cum though.” She was moving this around on the table but Daeron was busy getting you dressed down to your slip.

“Than you shall suffer with my dullness until your sweet lips are well enough for the fun.” He decided just as you turned around a cup of poured wine for you.

Dornish red, Daeron missed the flavor. It was what he preferred and at the tourney he’d been stuck with mostly Ale and Arbor red.

“A man can come without being sunk into his wife.” You reminded her. He blinked down at you. What were you getting at?

“A night of rest is not a problem.” He touched your cheek. “This,” his light eyes looked between the two of you “will not just cease. I promise you that my lady.” He explained. Wanting to press to you that laying together every evening was not a requirement. His attention and favor for you was not connected solely to that activity.

You nodded softly looking up at him and turning your cheek into his hand breathing out softly. The reassurance was welcomed, but you hadn’t needed it. You knew there was more between you two than satisfying couplings! You could feel that it was more and you had observed Daeron enough to come to the conclusion that he did not fein connection, he did not have the energy for it!

“Rest than husband.” You told him with a sweet smile holding the cup you poured out for him. He raised the glass to his mouth but paused before sipping. Daeron lowered the cup enough so that he could kiss you. Just a tender peck, one before he drank the wine you disliked tasting on his mouth. He didn’t notice the plotting look in your eye when you two parted. He really should be able to recognize it better by now!

You sunk down to your knees instantly pawing at the spot you knew his cock rested at within his trousers as soon as he sat on the lounger. Daeron practically choked on his wine mid swallow because of the sudden contact.

“Wife,” he breathed out. His voice had a bit of hesitation but you noticed how his body melted into the seat and his knees spread a bit so you could slip in closer to him.

“You’ve not let me indulge in this.” You smiled up at him while your nimble fingers worked his belt open.

“There hasn’t been the time.” Daeron groaned when you laid your head on his thigh, quite close to the section of his body that all of his blood was rushing to. He put the cup down on the table and you smirked when the metal changed against the tabletop. He was a bit shakey-you’d thrown his mind in a circle and you enjoyed knowing you were able to do that.

“There has too been time Daeron, you just prefer to drown in me.” That was true. He lapped at you often, always before he fucked you, and you appreciated that. It made the intrusion feel nice instead of painful, and sometimes you even reached your pinnacle before he push himself into you, that always made you quite a content wife!

“No, I prefer to be suffocated by your cunt wife.” He corrected quickly. You swallowed a bit looking up at him and just shook your head a bit at his dramatics before hesitantly sticking your tongue out to lick at him. When you received a soft pleased smile from him you let your tongue drag up the thick vein that was on the underside of his length.

“No air, no light, just utterly consumed by the tasks of making you into a weeping mess above me.” His eyes lazily blinking down at you when you kissed the spot where his stones met his shaft. The admission made your belly tighten and ache. He held no shame for what he enjoyed, you wondered momentarily if he spoke of how much he adored devouring you? Perhaps you wished for everybody to know that Prince Daeron Targaryen was so very committed to his bride that he sat her atop his face and let her grind against him until see feel apart and could not longer keep herself upright. You wanted people to know how enchanted he was by you!

“And I am the luckiest wife in the seven kingdoms for that diligence alone.” You hum with a smile. Half your face hidden by his throbbing prick. He reached down to rub your cheek as you explore him more, your tongue swirling at the flushed head of his cock and he nodded a bit licking his lips as you flicked out tongue over his small slit and pressed a delicate kiss against his tip.

His fingertips pushed into your hairline a few inches while his thumb rubbed up and down the curve of your chin. You hadn’t realized how large his hands truly were until the tourney, you liked how they were warm too. You’d found that when he had you on his lap, bouncing against his girth that your orgasm came much quicker when he would praise you and stroke your flushed cheek.

“Easy now, a maiming would be quite the unfortunate event to occur in our marriage.” He warned you with a slightly chuckle in his tone. You had opened your mouth wide to suck his tip into your mouth. Just the head at first. Your upper teeth grazing ever so slightly over his pulsing cock.

You nodded up at him and then adjusted your approach so he was surrounded by the wet silkiness of your tongue, lips and the inside of your cheeks. You did not wish for the first time you put his cock in your mouth to also be the last.

“I love husband.” It was the first thing you said when your head pulled back. Droll on the counter of your lip and your breath quickened some from the sucking.

“Again.” Daeron had let go of your cheek and gripped the armrest.

You saw his knuckles go white.

“I love you my Prince.” You reiterate sloppily kissing around the base of him while your hand swirled at his tip.

“No-Daeron, say that, say my name.”

The urgency surpised you and had yoh sucking at your bottom lip for a moment before your hand left his prick and traveled up his body to reach his pounding chest. You could see how quickly he was breathing and you now could feel how rapidly his heart thumping.

“I love you Daeron.” It sounded more earnest that anything you had ever said before. You felt the truth of it in every bone In your body.

The wood creaked when he let go of if and grabbed up your hand brining it up so he could kiss at your wrist and just have some part of your to hold onto.

“I love you, I love you so much more than I ever wished to.”

You climbed up into his lap, arms tossed around him and he kissed you. It was filled with every lovely emotion in this world. Love, need, trust, affection, lust, care.

When neither of you could breath you were the one the breaks the kiss. Panting but grinning so widely and rubbing your fingers against the back of his neck.

“Suddenly I find myself no longer sore.” You smirked and he laughed kissing you before moving to get your dress off.

The Red Keep

Daeron stood in the study he had slipped into. It was his father’s. He knew the man would be long asleep by now. He envied him. You think a man who had experienced war would have horrors that kept him up.

He looked at the chair he knew his father would sit in during the day, he diddnt dare sit there. He just lingered by the window, by the shelf that had some unopened bottles of wine. He’d opened one. One would do. It should do. It normally dulled him enough.

When the bottle was empty he started to regret leaving bed because the wine was not even helping calm him. Leaving you in bed is what he really regretted. Daeron left the bottle there, he knew his father would notice something was amiss whether he left an empty bottle there or took it away entirely.

The prince walked swiftly through the halls. One hand out to drag against the wall to keep himself in a decently straight line.

He needed to be next to you. This running off wasn’t working, it wasn’t helping him. He did it because he did not want you to see him scared. The idea of you seeing him in these frightened moments that bled into hours after he woke from one of the dreams made him uneasy. He wanted to keep you separate from them. Separate from that darkness entirely.

You’d come to kings landing a few moons ago. You were utterly thrilled, so excited to be somewhere with more people, more activities and things for you to busy yourself with. You knew he resented this place, knew he had sour feelings about being in the red keep but you did occasionally find him with affection filling his eyes while sat in a corner where he had intended to brood from while you spoke with other ladies, ones much more similar to your age then his sisters.

When he had mentioned keeping seperate chambers you almost cried. It felt like a rejection, you did not understand that for him keeping parts of himself away from you was becoming more challenging as time progressed. There were more mutterings here about Prince Daeron’s condition here than there had been at summerhall. His tenancy to refill his cups to many times, the nonsense he spoke of while he apparently haunted the halls at night.

He did not have much room to argue when you told him that separate rooms were for lord and ladies who fulfilled their entirety of their marital duties. Neither of you had. You still were not with child, though it was not for lack of trying!

“There is time, you are young still little finch.” You recall him telling you when he relented to continuing to share rooms.

You were fast asleep when Daeron crept back into the chambers you shared. Your arm spread over the space where he should be laid and the sight made him ache. Ache in his heart and…lower.

Ale, wine, cider, mead- none of it eased him anymore. Not like you did. He would much rather curse a bottle of wine with his pathetic state than bother you with it but it was becoming harder to deny himself the person who eased his heavy mind. The fire was low in The hearth but it still gave the room a gentle glow, enough that he could see your back softly rising and falling.

The evening had been good, you exhausted yourself dancing at one of the various celebrations that had occurred since arriving and he got to watch you spin about for hours. The prince had been so at peace when you both retired to your rooms. So happy in fact that he had placed you atop a large trunk and suckled at your clit while curling his fingers deliciously inside of your core until your leaked all down his hand and forearm.

You were so spent after that climax he had to pick you up and lay you in the bed. You did not even put on a night down before letting sleep take you, your hand laid over his stomach as you breathed softly.

The melodic noise must had made sleep sneak up on Daeron because he had not even know that he fell asleep until he was waking up drenched in sweat and filled with panic. Dread consuming every drop of blood in his body. He practically fled the bed and then the room.

You couldn’t see him like this, you wouldn’t understand, you’d worry, you’d try and rationalize things. You couldn’t know!

But you were the only thing that brought him any comfort and peace of mind. So here he was, stood at the foot of your marriage bed watching you breath and slowly matching his breath to yours, gently brining himself down to a calmer level. He thought of your smile, the way you giggled into kisses, how you would make remarks just for him all through a feast to keep him entertained. No blood, no death, no fire, no cliffs, you. Your breathing. That is what he focused on. that was tangible and right in front of him.

He could reach out and touch you. So he did.

You only made a small sound when the bed dipped. Still very much asleep. His hand petted your hair back so he could see a bit more of your face. You always shoved it into your pillow when you slept but he could at least see your one shut eye now. His lips trembled when he kissed your temple.

His eyes drifted down your back, and his forhead twisted up in discomfort for the second time tonight as he reached down to pull the quilt down more so your bottom was exposed to him. His cock pulsed at the sight and his hand settled there gently rubbing and then he gripped a bit more while looking back up at your face to see if there was any signs of you stirring.

There wasn’t.

He wasn’t thinking, he was just separate to rid himself of the weight of impending doom. Wine wasn’t powerful enough but there wasn’t anybting in the seven realms he felt more effect by than you. You would help!

Daeron breathed slow still, following your little exhales and he shoved his pants down just enough for his cock to pour out. His forhead was pressed into your back and he kissed tenderly at your spine as he placed his knees on either side of your thighs and boxed you in. His cock pressed against the mounds of your ass and he closed his eyes for a moment. Waves and fire filling his eyes and he quickly opened them back up to see you. Peaceful, calm, content.

Daeron spit on his fingers and reached past his nestled cock to feel your slit. You were slightly wet, which made his stone draw up and he cursed lowly.

“Hmm?” You shifted your head around a bit before settling back down into the pillow.

His fingers dipped into your petals and gently rubbed, making sure he added to the slickness there. He diddnt want to hurt you. Ever! That was why he had wanted to hide this side of himself, this madness he was afflicted with!

You were pressed down against the bed a bit more because some of your husband’s weight was pushing on your shoulder while he guided himself into from above and behind. You were prone on the bed with him easing into you.

Your breath hitched as soon as his blunt tip hit the end of your core thumping against your cervix. Your back had tensed at the intrusion, body confused in your dreams.

He was still matching your breathing, thought it was speeding up just a bit. You were making low grumbling noises like you always did in the morning when you started to come to. He gripped down on your shoulder pulling you back against his pelvis when he snapped his hips into you.

“Ugh-“ was the first noise you let out. Fingers gripping at the sheets you’d been laid gently over.

His weight was suddenly a lot over you, when you came to more you were surprised that it hadn’t instantly woken you up. his chest was very warm against your back and so that did soothe you a bit during the strange awakening. This felt like a dream. You had dreamed of laying together, thought that was more common of a thought to come to your mind while you slept early on in your marriage, when he’d deprived you of the physical contact. You fucked plenty now, you could dream of other things.

“D-Daeron?” You squeaked and squirmed underneath him as he rutted against your backside again. Your clenched this time gasping a bit at how deep he was.

“It’s okay finch,” he mouthed into the back of your neck both hands pushing down to the small of your back which made you dip into the mattress more but also pushed your butt up towards his thrusting. “You’re alright. It’s alright.” He grunted. You turned your head as much as you could but your hair was in the way and so you couldn’t se much more then when your eyes had been closed.

“It’s alright. It’s alright.” He repeated and you began to whine as the ache. At how his hips desperately stuttered each time he entered you fully. There were no half thrusts he was pounding into you. Fucking you into the bed even deeper. The haze of just waking up kept you somewhat flaccid under him, it felt good, very good actually but it had just been so sudden your mind couldn’t really catch up. Your mind was racing to catch up, you wanted to enjoy this as much as you could feel he was.

Daeron’s mind was slowing, each stroke down against you dulled the memories of what he had seen while his eyes were closed. Each clench of you around his throbbing cock was dulling all of his senses outside of what he felt in this moment. It was heaven. He flopped down over you fully and fuxked into your rapidly while holding your shoulders and pulling you back just a bit so he could kiss your lips.

“Daeron?” You tasted the wine on his mouth. And you frowned deeply when you finally got a good sight of him and saw there were tears streaming down his face, he had been crying on your back this entire time. “It’s alright.” You slipped an arm out enough to grab his fingers that spread over your shoulder and you squeezed them. “You’re okay.” You whispered and whinned softly when you felt him spill into you. His weight of suffocating. You felt beyond full like you could not fit all of his seed and his cock In you at the same time when flat on your belly.

He flipped off of you eventually, rolling onto his back and instantly you were sat up in bed kneeling and brushing his hair from his face.

“What has happened?” Worry was splashed all across your face. You diddnt question the sex, you diddnt even bother to try and lay on your back and let the seed take as the maester had suggested to you a moon ago. You were worried for him.

He did not close his eyes when you bent down and kissed at his swollen and dark under eyes. He was looking at you the entire time. Gazing actually.

“Tell me now!” You exclaimed suddenly quite upset. “I wish to know what troubles you! You are my husband I deserve to know.” You’d asked his father before but the man had spoke in a circle, he said Daeron was sensitive struggled with indulgence. You knew that, it was obvious. You had no qualms with his sensitive nature or really his drinking anymore either now that he had found room for you in his life as well was his wine. It was obvious that there was something more that troubled him, it was more noticeable here.

You walked on wobbly legs to your dressing wall and found a robe covering yourself. “Perhaps you were right, seperate rooms would be best.”

That had him sitting up. Eyes welled almost permanently and he watched your chest, seeing how quickly it rose and fell in this moment. He could not lose you. He needed you. You had been the only way he calmed down. Got centered in reality again.

“I had a bad dream.” He said lowly, shamefully. You weren’t used to hearing that tone from him anymore. He’d swallowed down much of his self pity when he started to be a better husband, a better person in general. but here it was rising back up. She was going to know. She was going to be pulled into is darkness within him.

“We all have nightmares.” You soften coming back to bed and crawling into it beside him.

He steadied himself and wrapped you up in his arms laying back against the pillows as he readied to tell you to truth.

“Not like these.”

Dragonstone

Daeron was not in bed this morning when you woke, he had been busy at Dragonstone seeing to the duties his father had all but begged him to stick to. You had only assumed that he woke early to go see to those tasks so you could spend the day together. He’d promised to take you to the markets just outside of the Dragonstone castle. You wanted to see what the stalls there had. You’d been here for three moons and hadn’t once left the keep or its yards.

Your time here had not been unenjoyable though! Actually you found it quite the welcomed change of pace after being in the bustling Red Keep for so long. On Dragonstone it felt like you and Daeron were playing house. Feeling what it might be like to one day be a lord and lady in a hall of your own. Perhaps that had been why his father sent the both of you here. See how Daeron handled it, how the both of you functioned outside of his sights.

It had been fun, choosing the menus for the week, sitting in on discussion that were deemed appropriate for a lady. It had been even more thrilling to slip into the study that Daeron was given and sit over the papers he was suppose to be reading or maybe writing, you were never really sure because he could not talk much of work while he fucked you against the solid oak desk nor did you think he cared to speak of taxes and requests when he could instead grunt poetic compliments in your ear as you became a vice around him and pushed him suddenly to climax.

Your pleasant thoughts of the last few months were suddenly interrupted by the appearance of a knight in the doorway.

“My lady, forgive me but we found him at the gates” Daeron stood beside him, his head did not even raise up. He wasn’t meeting your eye, or maybe he was so drunk he could not physically raise his chin to meet your gaze. You could smell the ale on him.

“Thank you ser, put him here.” You touched the bed and made room. You’d see to it he ate something, had something other the alcohol in his stomach.

“No-no not in here not with her. I can’t.” He trembled and fought against the man who held him. You covered you mouth a bit, he’d been drinking more, having more of his allegedly prophetic dreams, but he hadn’t been this worked up, you’d not seeing him fight. He hadn’t even heard him raise his voice since he was in the withdrawal you had plotted for him. That felt like quite a long time ago now, you were both years older.

“Leave us” you sternly directed to knight from the room when he managed to get Daeron onto the bed.

You did not say anything for a moment but then your husband, on his already wobbly feet, stood and made like he was going to attempt to flee through the door. You’d gotten somewhat used to his disappearing for a few days at a time. He always made it up to you though, would listen to you ramble for hours about whatever had gone on while he was away, he’d fuck you however you wanted and agreed to almost anything. That was how you had gotten him to agree to take you into the city and walk through the markets. The last time he had arrived home with his tail between his legs you’d made the request and he agreed instantly. It did not seem like he would be making good on that promise though. He seemed scared, horrified, not just ashamed like he normally was when he would come back to you.

“it will come to pass Daeron. Settle, gods.” You grabbed his hand pulling at it. You had grown use to him surrendering quickly in these moments. Crumpling down against you in bed and letting you distract him. It wasn’t always fucking, but often it was. Sometimes he’d just lay his head over your chest and you’d run your fingers against his tense temples. Swiping your pointer down his nose and then moving back to his hairline and getting your fingers lost there.

Sometimes, more rarely when he got in this state he would just find you and start kissing. He would Kiss down your back making sure he did not miss one bump of your spine and down the curve of your bottom, kissing and hitting the surpless of flesh there until he was down between your knees, ear rushing either thigh and he would find you heated and dripping. You normally had to grab something to stay upright as he would just start to lick up into your core his nose stimulating your clit as he pressed himself as far into as his dedicated tongue could reach. It was rare, but occasionally, he wouldn’t want any contact at all. Those times he would listen to you read whatever tale you were enjoying out on the balcony where your words and the wind could just surround his senses while he indulged in more than a few glasses of wine.

It did not seem like any of those normal comforts were going to do anything this time. He seemed un-soothe-able!

“Please lay down.” You pressed on his chest now getting between him and the door. He’d wind up hurt if he wandered about in this state.

“I can’t be here-ill-I need to go.” His eyes were wild and his voice was frantic. He was terrified.

“Daeron!” You gasped when he pushed against your arms, falling forward a bit and squishing you between the door and his heavy frame.

“P-please,” you were trembling just as bad as he was now, your hands slipping from his shoulders to cover your stomach giving you a bit more space between his body and yours.

He almost passed out at your next words.

“The maester says it is quite delicate in the early moons”.

Delicate. He went pale, so pale that he looked a bit grey.

Your eyes were worried and sad but a smile was formed on your lips. A hopefully small grin. You’d been trying for a long time, since the tourney. It’s finally taken. You were planning to tell him at the market today, find some little blanket or a thread that you liked, and just tell him it would go well in the cradle. You thought he’d be happy, overjoyed.

Had this news come to him prior to last night he likely would have.

He stumbled off of you and sat, not even making it to the mattress he wound up right beside it head leaned back against the wooden frame and he looked anywhere but at you.

He’d seen more than enough of you in his dream last night. Your long hair, normally so soft, caked in blood and slicked to your scalp with sweat. Your hands wrapped around something so tightly that your fingers began to break. He couldn’t hear anything. A small blessing, he imagined you’d be screaming. And then there was just a babe wrapped up in his arms the glow of a red moon casting everything in a warm gloom.

“You’ll die.” He said finally after he realized you were knelt next to him pushing his hair back and begging him to tell you what’s happened.

“Whatever you saw-whatever happened to me it was just a dream.”

His palm pressed so hard to his forehead that he had a mark when he eventually responded.

“Little finch that is exactly what I fear.” He knew he had caused all this. It was him who could not help but lay with you, it was he who curses those he loves with these horrible dreams. Enough of these bad things had come to pass that now he believed perhaps these things happened specifically because he had dreamt them. Aemon had told him that wasn’t the case…that these things that cursed his mind were prophecy nothing he was making up and willing to transpire. It was not a fate he himself was drafting up for those around him. It felt like it was. How could one family be so haunted by fate?

“I am well, the maester assured me of that, ask him, he will tell you the same.” You pleaded with him.

“For now you are well, but that will change…I-I saw it” He grabbed your face. Both hands cupping yo cheeks and his thumb rubbing the soft skin.

You sighed, reaching up to bring one of his hands down to your waist and then pushed his large palm against your tight and swollen midsection.

“Do not believe us gone. Not when you can feel the heat of my skin and beat of my heart.” She had her eyes locked on him to study his response. His hand trembled over your stomach and he shook his head a bit as it hung down. Your jaw shook a bit and you felt your eyes get hot when his shoulders heaved and you heard him cry. “I forbid you to mourn me while I am stood before you, while I can kiss you, love you. While I live, breathe and carry our child.” You wiped his face and pulled him down into your neck. When his arms locked around your back you knew he wouldn’t run off tonight. He wouldn’t be letting go of you for some time.

He was too scared of losing you now.

He was in one of the hells. Constant inner turmoil with every passing moon and his dread grew every time that your belly swelled further.

“You missed break of fast.” He had not even realized that the door opened and you had entered. He was much too focused on the letter he held, now wrinkled, between his hands.

“I had tasks to attend to. It slipped my mind.” He hardly ate now, you assumed he kept the ache in his stomach at bay through the creamy ales he Indulged in.

“I did realize know that moping was one of your assigned duties my prince?” He looked up hoping to see your taunting grin but all he got was the bitter set of your jaw.

“Ravens, my finch.” He sighed and stood from the chair tossing the crumbled paper into the flame. He watched it to make sure it turned fully to ash.

You made your way to the bed and sat on it watching him gaze into the flames.

“The nursery is ready a maid informed me this morning.” You shared, thought he was either too distracted to process your words or was simply outright ignoring you. Neither option would be all the surprising at this point.

“Was it another dream?” You spoke a bit louder and that caught his attention.

“No” there was no room for argument in his voice. He despised himself for telling you that he had any of these dreams in the first place and he would always regret telling you About the single time you had haunted those visions.

He’d been in denial himself for a bit, questioned if what he had seen was you or simply just soft auburn hair? Was the child even his? Was it your first? He had wanted to find confusion in it, anything that would give him some small hope that you would not be lost. That this pregancy would not take you from him. Your optimism was nauseating. Everything seemed to be about babe. He would find you with your embroidery loop, resting your feet up on a stool, you always looked so proud when he would ask what you worked on and you got to flash the embroidered dragon his way, stitched into a small blanket that you cheerfully informed him could go in the cradle.

You had told him quite plainly one night in bed when neither of your could sleep and he was sat up against the headboard pulling a cork out of a unopened bottle of brandy that you did not believe him. That it was only a nightmare, that you felt well, that you did not even experience sickness in the morning or aches in your back! That whatever he had saw was not you and it was certainly not your child.

It was your own defense mechanism, he could not judge you for that. Not while he had one hand on you and the other wrapped around a bottle.

“Fine-“ your shoulders raised and fell as you breathed. “Then what was in the letter?” He was going to answer something. You’d just keep asking questions, pecking away at his resolve. He’d give you something, anything, gods willing.

“It was from my brother.” You groaned a bit. That was hardly an answer. “Gods Daeron, which blood one? You’ve three!” You rubbed your face and laid back against the mattress.

“I’ve half a mind to plan some dim witted camping excursion again.”

That had his attention.

“My love,” he sighed approaching and you turned over onto your side facing away from him and cradling your belly.

“I am lonely and you scare me with this worry!” He distanced himself from you often, he diddnt flee the keep or disappear for days but he did not always join you in the solar, he did now kiss you as often, he wasn’t able to lay with you, and you found, at times, that he could not even look at you! It was a far cry from how things had been before, he had needed you so badly in Kings landing he had started enjoying you well you slept! He would sleep against your stomach, or let you fall asleep overtop his frame, cock still stuffed into your core. He was hesitant around you now, scared he was spreading the rot that was within him loving you. This fate would not be yours had he stayed away, had he resisted your draw. You’d just been to bloody charming to endearing. He hated himself for it!

Even now as he got onto the bed next to you his hands failed unsure where to touch or if he should at all!

“Forgive me.” He opted to lay behind you and press his head into your back. “I should have kept it to myself.” His voice broke and his hand hesitantly touched the curve of your waist, which at this point, barely curved in at all anymore because your frame had made room for his choke to grow within you. “I will resolve this.” He said seriously and you nodded quickly. He kissed the bit of your shoulder he could see between your dress and long hair. Flashes of the memory of blood soaked locks had his heart racing. “I will fix this.” He promised.

The reassurance is what you needed. What you had been longing for since he confessed the dream to you. Since he had told you your fate was to die, that he had seen it.

He wasn’t normally a man of action, in fact many noted his intentional inaction when it came to practically everything in his life.

When he felt your shoulders shake and the soft sniffling of your nose he knew you were crying. This stress wasn’t good for you-another thing that he knew was his fault! He had mistaken your excitement over readying for the babe as a lack of concern but that wasn’t the case. Clearly you were affected by the fate he’d laid across your lap.

This was the first time in a very long time that he held you, truly wrapped himself around you and squeezed, and allowed you both to find comfort in each other’s embrace. You stayed in bed all day with him. He even pulled up your gown a bit so he could feel directly at the skin over your stomach. You spoke to the child for him because he seemed unable to find the strength for words. But he pressed kisses to that spot where he felt some kicking. That made you grin, brighter than you had since arriving to Dragonstone.

Later he kissed a bit lower, his mouth training the spot where your tights dug until your hips. “Let me please you.” He breathed suddenly and you blinked looking down at him brow raised.

“Please.” He touched your thighs and you swallowed shifting against the bed a bit as you looked down at him.

“Can we just lay here together?” You requested instead pulling at his hand a bit. You could please him and be pleased another night. For now you just wished to savor this moment, to reassurance you felt about all of this.

“Of course finch,” he came up and slipped next to you against the pillows. “I love you” he said pulling the blanket up over the both of you and he watched you settled sleepily against his chest. He stroked your hair through the night, watching you breathe deep into the early morning hours. He only untangled himself from you when the sun began to spread over the drawn curtains.

He was going to fix this. The letter now long disposed of in the fireplace had been from Aemon. His brother’s finally sent a letter in response to Daeron’s countless ravens with requests for help deciphering what he had seen in his dream. Aemon could only offer one interpretation. The red cover that shadowed the sky could be cause by the blood moon.

The blood moon that was less than a fortnight away.

He would not lose you. He refused to let this dream be true, he refused to not stop it.

When you woke it was to Daeron fussing about with some cups out on the balcony. He’d had your break of fast brought here to the apartments. How sweet? Extend the bliss of just waking up and not yet leaving the privacy of your room.

“Morning my prince.” You smiled, coming out onto the balcony with your silk robe tied around you.

“A new tea for you to try.” He nodded to the cup that was placed before the empty seat. “Some…Berry infusion. The maids recommended it.” Had he lied more often to you-to anybody you might have seen right through him but generally Daeron was honest even when he should not be. He had never backed from saying the truth despite it almost always making him look bad.

“Thank you.” You missed his slight finch because you were focused on lowering yourself onto the chair and putting a bit of sugar into the warm liquid. You swallowed a large bit after blowing at the steaming liquid, wanting to get a good taste. He saw your grimace.

“It’s local to Dragonstone,” he hated that he knew the encouragement would have you finishing the cup of it. Drinking down the black tea he and seeped with some cherries and a vial of moon tea.

That would be the bitter flavor that was overwhelming your pallet.

Had you I’d been more adventurous as a girl you might have known what this drink was, and you would be able to realize that your husband version of resolving the situation was to rid you of the child. The babe would kill you, the birth, he could prevent that.

He watched you like a hawk that day. Helping you back into bed when you had a wave of unexpected nausea and dizziness.

“Daeron,” you squeaked a while later. Rolling into your back when you heard the farmiliar sound of his cup being set down in the table. A moment later you could see him next to the bed.

“I don’t feel well-“ you blinked up at him eyes a bit watery a hazy. You were starting to get cold but your skin was sweating. His large hand brushed the hair back off your forehead and he kissed the bridge of your nose.

“It’s alright.” He comforted and you shook your head.

“No…call for the maester. Something is not right.” You pressed. “There is cramping-please.” You pressed against your side whimpering at the tender feeling.

He went to the door but you could tell from the way that his left foot sort of dragged that he was quite intoxicated. How long had you been resting? How long had he been drinking? Hours apparently, because when you glanced at the balcony the sun was half set.

You propped yourself up on your elbows. “Daeron I need the maester n-now!” You reiterated the gravity of the situation dawning on you.

You should have stayed in kind landing, stay in summerhall-there would be more people there. His little sister’s probably fussing about the babes name, his father discreetly asking the maester for updates on you and the babe. There would be more than just yourself, Daeron and a staff.

You felt a turning in your stomach and force yourself to sit up. “Please hurry…please hurry.” You whispered under your breath as your hand reached down and felt between your legs. You went pale when you pulled your hand back and warm liquid reveled itself to be blood.

No…no…this couldn’t be true, this couldn’t be happening to do. He said he wasn’t going to allow your existence to be determined by a bloody dragon dream!

You found the strength to get to your feet and reach the door pulling it open you let out a sob when you saw Daeron stood against the wall, head tilted to the side unconscious. Had you the strength in that moment you probably would have shoved him over. Let him hit the ground hard and deal with what her bruise or break he got from the collapse as his well deserved punishment but you could not waste a moment of your strength. You only had to reach the end of the hall before a knight heard you crying and turned the corner. The blood was noticeable to anybody who looked at you and it had the man barking orders for the maester to he brought you the princes chambers at once.

He was still in the hall. Shut off fully to the world while you were laid in bed, legs shaking but open as the maester examined you and explained that you were miscarrying. That he heard no heartbeat thumping within your stomach any more. The child had kicked at your husband’s hands only the night before…how was the babe now just gone?

A raven was sent at once to Prince Maekar, and one to your own lord mother and father. Alerting them to the situation, to the loss. The ravens flew from the tower before you and even birthed the child. The maester had regrettably informed you that you needed to still bring the body to this realm. That you would need to push quite hard while they pushed and maneuvered your stomach about.

Daeron was not there. He was not holding your hand or whispering assurances in your ear. He was not even in the room, it seemed even the maids were fine letting him stay there against the wall in his drunken stupor.

You sobbed the entire time. It was your screams that pierced through the air and not those of the little babe when finally you felt the pressure that was between your legs grow more sharp and then suddenly subside completely.

utter emptiness

You were given milk of the poppy at once, as soon as the child was out. Enough that had you been leant against a wall in the hallway you to would be slumped limp against it.

Your eyes stayed opened, but you did not respond to anything anybody said to you. You did not even more. The maids had to shift you about to clean your skin, hold your legs open for the maester to place a few stitches between your legs because of the trauma from birthing before your body had truly been ready.

Somebody stayed at the side of your bed through the night. Waiting for you to say something, or for you to move. It did not happen. You simply blinked dully at the hight ceiling and swallow the poppy when they held it to your lips.

You did not do anybting until morning, when you opened your eyes and felt a weight near your arm. Daeron was sat in the chair a maid had been in when your body eventually shut down and rested.

His head was down and you realize after some of your senses cut through the poppy haze that his face was pressed to your hand.

“I’m sorry.” That was the first thing you said despite the promises you made to yourself yesterday when you opened the door and saw that he had passed out instead of helping you alert to maester of your condition. You had told yourself that you wouldn’t let him hold the baby for the first week, that you wouldn’t let him devour your cunny when it healed. That you would decide the name of your child alone. The punishments felt so foolish now. You had truly thought it would be okay. That he would sober to you in bed feeding his child. That the babe would be fine, that you would be fine.

Nothing was fine though. Nothing.

“Shhh,” he raised his head up, eyes blood shot and dark deep circles under his eye. “You’re alive, it’s okay.” He knew you had nothing to apologize for. Nothing!

“The babe-I-“ you started to cry a bit, eyes just welling and unable to stop. “I don’t understand what happened. You felt him kick?” Your voice was devastated and you devolved into asking him again and again if he felt the babe kick his palm the day before when they were in bed.

“You are alright my finch, that is all the matters.” He rubbed your cheek, trying to swipe the tears away as well.

Your jaw turned just slightly and it pulled you from his hand. Silently you studied his face. Those were not tears of mourning-he was guilty.

“What have you done?”

He gathered your hand kissing your knuckles.

“What did you do?” Voice shaking and you pulled your hand back from him. If you could have bared it you would have stood right up and put even more space between you and him.

“I was not going to watch you die.” His head was low, he could not look at you when he admitted it.

“Don’t touch me!” You snapped when he reached for your leg to rub at your knee like he so often did when you needed some comfort.

“You did this? Gods…you-“ your eyes caught the balcony and the table that’s still a cups and plates disregarded on it.

You did not need to utter the dreadful words for him to know that you were now very aware of what he had done.

It was unfathomable. Your husband, the man you loved, the man who claimed to love you and poisoned your womb? Purposely rid this realm of his offspring.

“Because of a stupid foolish dream!” Your voice was cutting. You wished to hurt him. He had ruined you, destroyed you! It would never be the same, you could not look ahead this current pain and grief was just to all encompassing. “Enjoy your wine Daeron.” You pushed and covered your face with your hands sobbing into them. You were crying so loudly that his footsteps to the door and the creaking wood opening up was not heard.

He had taken your words seriously. Enjoy your wine, as if to say he would not ever enjoy you again. That he could have that vice if he so wished but you would not be one of his comforts again.

It was the guilt that drew him to every inn, ale house and brothel in the city surrounding Dragonstone. The self pity kept him there for a week. He had purposely slaughtered his child, it had been in an effort to save you of course but it seemed to have destroyed you.

You were dressed in mourning clothes…Daeron was lucky when he arrived back to the hall that his cloak was dark in color, it made him blend in the those who had gathered there. Had he known your child would be laid to rest today? Was that why he had arrived back or had he just been exhausted from sleeping against tables and in allys? You were still mad at him, it was a bitterness that would always be in your heart but his lack of presence, missing out in his comfort during this mourning period. It was excruciating to see yourself through this without his support.

You were on your feet, though you had to hold to somebody’s arm when you walked. There was still quite a bit of pain otherwise and you had been advised that the stitches could pull and rip easily. You did not want any more pain, it already was consuming you.

“Your husband is here my lady.” Maekar said, voice low and hushed. He wasn’t going to refer to Daeron as his son. Not currently, not when he knew what the disgraceful man had done. He wasn’t troubled but this-intervention-it was violent. He was unsure how Daeron would live with the decision.

You did not say anything. Only gripping to the sturdy man’s arm harder, eyes staying level at the spot where your child’s small body was as burning.

You were saying goodbye. You’d not let your husband interrupt this, not when he was the reason you were suffering this loss.

The gathering was small and it was over before you were truly ready for it to be. Though was a mother ever truly ready to say goodbye to their child?

This funeral felt like a twisted mess, the death of your child and the death of your marriage. This was not something you could move on from-you could never trust Daeron again. His motives and intentions would never seem pure to you from this point onward. Despite those feeling, despite the fury you felt for him right now your body still longed for him to be the one holding you.

It was a blessing and a curse when Maekar walked you to where Daeron stood and deposited your hand to his arm. He did not mince his words when he addressed his son.

“I hope you can handle returning her to your chambers, she needs rest…” he shook his head a bit at Daeron and bit his tongue some only to not upset you more. Gods fucking know you needed nothing more on your mind.

You hated yourself for gripping to him, for looking up at his sad eyes and when Daeron did, silently, get you into bed. You resented that you kept ahold of him and allowed him hold you. That you diddnt tell him to be quiet when he began to mutter apologies beside you in bed. You cried into the pillow when he eventually went silent. He was asleep. Or passed out. You couldn’t tell. Nor did it really matter to you in that moment.

You couldn’t sleep, you hadn’t slept since the same night of your gory and premature labors. You were scared you’d go to sleep and wake up thinking this had all been a maddening dream, that you would wake and need to remind yourself that this was all real. That your child was gone, that your husband had made sure of it.

He must of been drunkly passed out because he did not stir when you groaned holding your side as you stood and made your way to the table pressed to the wall. Hissing with each painful step. You looked over the contents of the table and blinked dully at the various bottles. Daeron’s abandoned supply. You opened each bottle smelling them until the welcomed aroma filled your nose.

He was numb…you wanted to be numb. You wanted to escape from the feeling you had inside.

It worked for him.

You could bear to drink cider, it should work like his wine did?

You hiccuped from the somewhat constant crying and turned to look back at the bed. Daeron was laid over it face down, hand reaching towards where you had been laid before.

You watched him while tipping the bottle up and forced yourself to finish all of its contents before you were able to take another breath.

The cider made your mouth dry, and your head feel strange-your vision going a bit blurrier than it had been previously from the constant nature of your crying. Your weight teetered and you had to move your feet to keep yourself upright.

“Why? I was well…” you muttered still in disbelief and turned away from him looking out at the balcony. The sun was setting. You walked out there and held to the stone wall looking over the strech of water. You swore you could still smell the smoke from burning the pyre earlier.

The sun dipped lower and you closed your eyes because the warm golden red glow was to strong against your sore eyes.

The cider had numbed but not nearly enough.

This dreadful feeling would persist forever, it count not be tempered.

Come morning Dragonstone would be filled with whispers. Solemn and investigative in nature. You had been healing still, falling was not out of the realm of possibility?

Daeron who woke and saw the open bottle placed on the edge of the balcony would think different. He knew. He smelt the cup. Sweet cider, the only liquid indulgence you had any taste for. It made you so melancholy. He would have had it removed from the room if he had realized, if he had not abandoned you in this sea of grief!

You’d not fallen, he knew this. It had been a self fulfilling prophecy. You were dead and he was again alone.

#self sabotage

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#self sabotage