welcome to my twisted mind

Evil. Stylish. Great eyebrows. Definitely real beard. I like plotting to take over the universe, making the Doctor suffer, and long walks on the beach.

[ainleymaster]

Why do you have such a grudge against celery? I mean. Celery is a great vegetable, I don't see how one could hate it? 🤔

I’m sorry if believing salad ingredients shouldn’t be used as accessories isn’t open-minded enough for you.

[ainleymaster]

((god bless you, this blog is hilarious and insightful all at once))

[Thanks! I don’t much post much because I kinda ran out of jokes, but I’m glad people are still being amused by this blog.]

[ainleymaster]

you: lucky would be a better word

me, an intellectual: fortuitous would be a more apposite epithet

[ainleymaster]

The Doctor says he cares about me but if that were true he wouldn’t have sat next to Drax that one time back at the Academy instead of me

[ainleymaster]

I fail to see how the Doctor doesn't apperciate your efforts to rule the universe, clearly you're the most fearsome being in the universe and by far my favourite villain (to hell with Davros!) I, for one, greatly appreciate your evil genius and impeccable sense of fashion. Have a lovely day, Master! [For real though, your blog is so good ❤❤]

Thank you. True greatness is rarely appreciated by any but the wisest visionaries, which is a category that clearly does not include the Doctor. We can only hope that one day he’ll finally recognise the depth of my genius.

Oh, er, by the way, you wouldn’t happen to know how to... unshrink someone who, er, accidentally shrunk themself... would you? I’m asking for a friend.

[ainleymaster]

Do you think the Doctor knows that he has edible foliage on his lapel? Do you think someone should say something? It... it can’t be there on purpose... can it?

[ainleymaster]

Me to the Doctor’s seventh incarnation: haha you’re so short

The Doctor: you’re literally turning into a cheetah

Me: look how short you are haha

The Doctor: you just ate a pigeon

[ainleymaster]

that feeling when you get deathzoned

[ainleymaster]

Sometimes I worry whole hours go by where the Doctor doesn’t think about me.

[theonlyhouse-deactivated2024010]

fun gender neutral things to call your partner:

OPPONENT

[ainleymaster]

Peri Brown has such an annoying accent. I would die before I ever spoke like an American.

[ainleymaster]

I asked the Doctor for a hot picture of himself. He sent me this:

I’m never speaking to him again.

[6thdoctor]

I asked the Master for a hot picture of himself. He sent me this:

I’m never speaking to him again.

[ainleymaster]

I asked the Doctor for a hot picture of himself. He sent me this:

I’m never speaking to him again.

[growing-grey]

have you ever looked at someone and thought…

i could look at you for hours and not get bored

[j6]

me looking in the mirror

[ainleymaster]

Today was a bad day. I kidnapped young Adric and discovered he has a bondage kink.

That was not something I wanted to know.

[ainleymaster]

An beautiful anon, with stature as soft and calm and cherubic as heaven itself, with wings as graceful as the most beautiful eagle, and a white robe as heavenly as the skies it descends from, lowers to greet you, clouds unfurling and gracious light shining in its majesty. It hands you a note, and upon opening it, it reads; ’Your eyebrows and beard are absolute shit and nobody gives a fuck about them but you.’ They then give you a soft smile and ascend back into the heavens as soon as they came.

You’re just jealous because you aren’t as fabulous as I am.

[ainleymaster]

I asked the Doctor what my best feature was. He said, “The capacity for good that I know still exists somewhere deep inside you.”

I was hoping he’d say my eyebrows. :(