Going to see my mom on Thanksgiving wasn't easy. I planned on hiding all my problems inside and holding a smile on my face. Stuff that's been building up inside me broke me down at the worst time. Mama was over my shoulder. When she asked about Brianna I told her that she decided to spend Thanksgiving with her family in New York which was true. But through her eyes I know I looked out of place. I looked uncomfortable. She caught me in my act when I was sitting in the backyard with a cigarette in one hand, a cup of alcohol in the other.
Everybody went to bed after dinner. Once the lights were out I crept to the backyard to be alone. My family was smiling and saying all the things they were thankful for. My head was stuck on the shit I did wrong this year. My life took a sharp turn that I didn't know how to handle. If I knew before what I know now, things would have been completely different.
When a soft light came from the living room and I heard the sliding door opened there was no turning back for me. My mother knew something was wrong with her child.
She said, "Christopher, I love you. I know something is up. You lost weight, you look drained... what's going on?"
She's seen me cry a million times so there's was no point in choking them in. I started from my trip to California to today. She made me put out the cigarette and pour out my drink.
"All that stuff don't make the pain go away. It suppresses it. Only your clear conscious mind can. Now come here."
I kneeled in front of her folding our hands together. I was happy she listened to me without jumping in to chastize. Getting mad at me would just make me leave. I said what I had to and she did the same.
"Baby you gotta let go because this is breaking you apart. You and the other two women know where they stand. All of y'all have to leave each other alone to heal. Don't drag these problems out like they do on TV. Did you notice that Laya loved you but you didn't feel the same for her? From what you told me it seems the more she held onto you the worse things got. You and Brianna loved each other. But the more you forced it to work the same thing happened.
"Focus on yourself now. Raise up from this and let your life fall back into place. Make sure you remember that I will always love you. I'm here whenever you need to talk."
Since then I've been bettering myself. No smoking or drinking. Out of site then it's out of mine. That also meant no one night stands. Without my head cloudy with emotions I began to express myself. Fresh words and new beats are what I work on. I want to be more than just your average DJ. You got ones like Khaled and Drama producing albums and mixtapes. I've been in and out of the studio with Ty, making a lot of calls and getting contacted. Everybody around me grindin so I need to catch up.
A couple days back I hooked up with Kevin McCall for the first time. He came through when I asked him to listen to some of my songs.
"Aye this a hot one right here!" He said nodding his head to Strip.
"Yeah. I was thinkin bout keeping this until next summer and maybe havin someone else sing it."
"Nah Chris don't wait that long. This joint here needs to come out now. For a dude who just started writing music this is some good shit. And your vocals are pretty good. If you redo a couple of parts, Strip would blow up! I'm tellin you man."
I dapped him up feeling proud of myself. He's been on both sides of a song and in the industry for years. Hearing that from him got me thinking I could pull this off. Now I thought my vocals were a little rough but if K-Mac approved then they're staying. He even asked if he could through a verse on the song.
***
Tonight I was booked at Manison to DJ and give a "special performance" with K-Mac. Word was all across South Florida from social media to radio announcements. I'm expecting a full house which can turn out great or be disaster. Ty's bringing his Young Money people. I know Dj Khaled's gonna be watchin out for me.
I got ready early to meet Kevin at Mansion for a sound check. I've seen other celebs do it but this is a first for me.
"Damn nigga you dressed already?" Kevin questioned through the mic. The instrumental for Strip cut off as I walked to the stage.
"Man I'm nervous. Plus I gotta hook up my equipment to do my own lil sound check so I ain't gon have time to change."
"Oh I see..." he answered looking at me oddly.
"What? Oh the hair." I ran a hand over my now blonde curls.
"All I'm thinking is you wouldn't catch my dark ass with hair like that," he joked getting a chuckle out of both of us.
Brianna
Seeing my family again got me in a good mood. I chilled with cousins I haven't seen in years. Everybody was asking me for money knowing that I'm a model. Like damn they wanted me to pull hundreds out of my ass!
When I had some time alone I walked to the cemetery to visit my grandmother's grave. I sad next to the headstone in plain clothes. No makeup, I took my piercings out and my hair pulled up in a messy bun. She never believed in all those things making women pretty so I took it all off out of respect. She told me that if a man couldn't love a woman the way she was born, without all the stuff, then he isn't in love with you. Is she was still alive when I started modeling I don't think she would be too happy. And stripping? That would probably kill her. But I do know she respects when somebody is happy wherever they end up in life.
Before I felt like I was slipping away from living for myself. Specifically, I let him over and over. I wanted us to work. I gave him chances to show me. It wasn't me exactly leaving him. It was him doing things that would only make a woman want to walk out. I was tired of the pattern.
I know for a fact I'm not in love with Terrance. We're not dating either because of the contract but also because I just want to chill out. I need time before I trust someone enough to commit to them. For now he continues to put a smile on my face. He doesn't push his limits and he respects me. That's all I could ever ask for.
Terrance has been calling me for about a good five minutes. He was meeting me at Club Mansion tonight. I guess something was goin down over there. To make us less obivious he usually invites the other Jewel models when we're out in public. We don't want anybody catching on about us. But staying joined at the hip at events kinda gives it away.
"Okay I'm coming right now!" I swiped my lipstick on quickly. I pulled up my dark blue high waisted pants and straightned my necklace. I wore a white tank top and a black leather jacket. I ditched the heels for Giusppe sneakers. It was gonna take me at least twenty minutes to get there.
From the VIP section he waved his hand to catch my attention. Terrance was dressed down unlike his regular business attire. He looked down at his watch shaking his head.
"Oh please, you know it ain't live until I get here!" I said over the music. I said hey to the other Jewels before getting myself a drink. With us all in attendance there were cameras flashing and people dipping in and out of our section. I was definitely turnt! Big Booty Judys twerking in every direction, bottles poppin like there was no tomorrow, famous faces scattered around. My was night was going good until I heard one name.
"Aye this ya homie Dj Chris Breezy in the buildin. I got my nigga Kevin McCall with me and we bout to turn the fuck up to my new track called Strip."
The crowd cheered. Especially the females.
"Oh Chris you hear the ladies? I think they ready for this shit. Leggo!"
The beat dropped and Chris sang... SANG as they made their way to the stage. If I didn't know him I'd think he was a singer. His movement was fluid, like he's been performing on stage for years. The girls were really vibin to the song. Or maybe the were drunk off their assess and googly-eyed for Chris. I caught myself smiling while he performed.
"Girl I just wanna see you strip right now, cause it's late babe," he and K-Mac lifted their shirts showing off solid absabs. I swear the club turned into a concert after that. The feelings that I thought were somewhat gone are now coming back. Oh God.
His million dollar smile matched with dimples had me cheesing hella hard. My hips moved to the song watching be great. I had the urge to go up there... no I couldn't. The shit he put you through wasn't worth trying to make it work again. He might be an angel up there but you know who he really is.
I turned back to see Terrance looking at me funny. We caught eye contact then he looked in
the other direction. I mouthed 'what' to see him shake his head and take a sip of his drink. Sucking my teeth, I squeezed into the pile of people. If you got something to say, say it. Don't catch a bitch ass attitude with me. I didn't do anything wrong.
Terrance killed my mood after that. About 12:30 was when the Jewels made
their grand exit. I stayed back. He didn't bother coming to get. His eyes just scanned the club a last time. On the other hand, Chris left too. Now Mansion's in-house DJ took over, playing music up to closing time. With no one I recognized around, I left before it got dead.
Late night, pissed off, tired. My whip carried me to a place I know I shouldn't be at.
Seven seconds of silence followed my knocks. This was a bad idea. I was turning to leave when the door opened. Chris stood in only basketball shorts.
"He- Oh my god your hair," I exclaimed reaching to touch the blonde curls. He leaned his head down so I could reach. He took my other handing leading me inside, up the short ride to his room. He sat up against his pillows putting laptop back on his lap. I slipped out of my sneakers to join.
"So what brings you here so early in the morning?" He questioned through a yawn.
I started to get nervous. Why did I come here? There was an urge to see him after no contact for weeks. Talk about cutting someone off. I came up with a response.
"I uhh, wanted to say you did really good tonight. I didnt know you could do all that. And you wrote the song too right?"
"Y-you were there? Umm thanks. I acutally did write the song. That time to myself turned out to be very productive."
I couldn't tell if he was lightly throwing a hint about us not being together.
"What you mean very productive?"
He looked up from the screen adding, "I've been sitting in the house just doin a whole bunch of thinkin'. Then I decided to get up a do shit that wasn't bad for me or wouldn't regret later."
Words weren't exchanged for a while. I acted like I was busy on my phone while stealing glances at Chris. Soft snores came from his as his head nodded back onto the headboard. I laughed. I should probably leave now.
"Chrisss, I'm leaving," I scooted next to him. I shook his shoulders only to hear a louder snore. I closed his laptop, reaching over his body to place it on the nightstand. The bed suddenly rocked almost make me fall off. His pulled my legs over him so that I straddled him. He held my wrist and I leaned my face closer to his. The room was darker without his Mac giving off light.
"Do you want to leave?" He said while placing kisses on my neck. He left go of one my hands to reach into his nightstand drawer.
"No," I answered with my breathing becoming shallow.
I think we shouldn't be doing this but it's something both needed from each other. He knew how to get me to my weak point and I knew how to get to him to his. We went at one another like savages craving what the other had. Moaning, scratching, biting, kissing. Then we learned to tame
each other at different times. Not being able to see much forced my other senses to heighten.
Our fingers laced together while I sat on him and rotated my hips.
We've been at it for so long I could tell the sky was beginning to change color. I was drowsy however I wanted to climax one more. I don't know when Chris will make me feel this good again. My inner thighs were wet from my juices and the smeared onto Chris as my movements became sloppy.
"You tired baby?" He asked in a caring manner. His hands went to my waist to lift me off.
"Yesss," I whimpered quietly feeling him pull out carefully. "But I want one more."
I lay on my back as my legs were pulled apart. He entered my again getting another moan out of me. His lips were against my ear when he spoke.
I clenched around his dick at his words in response. His stroke was about to put me to sleep.
"You missed this didn't you? You missed us being together."
I managed to breath out a yes.
"I'm sorry for hurting. I didn't push you away intentionally. It was after you left me that I came to my senses of how bad I hurt you. My heart was dragging on the ground. I didn't feel like myself. I could only think that you were gone for good. So I tried to pull my mind together and let you go. I was trying to better myself so that even if we never got back together I wanted you to see that you changed me. I don't ever want to feel like shit for hurting a woman. And the way Chyna was acting towards me I knew you were going through the same. I love you Brianna. If you're willing to try again with me I swear you won't regret it."
I shut my eyes tight, the tears streamed down the side of my face. I had one last orgasm. My body shook underneath him. A kaleidescope of purple, red, and blue covered my eyelids. His right hand cradled my neck, his thumb running over my jaw. His other hand squeezed mine tightly.
My eyes opened filtering the light as the roamed around Chris's room. I sighed my body relaxing deeper into his bed. Last night was unforgettable. The way he paid attention to details. Like how his fingers grazed the bottom of my feet causing my toes to curl. Or he would keep his hands locked with mine. It was definitely a change from before.
I sat up in bed pulling the sheets off of me. I felt suprisingly clean, no makeup on my face and I had on one of his white vnecks. My sore body kept me from moving fast. I went to go look for Chris.
There was an omelet waiting for me in the kitchen. I spotted Chris sitting shirtless outside by the pool. I slid open the glass door to catch the smell of weed. I sat sideways across his lap.
"Goodmorning," I greeted pecking his lips.
He smirked. "Sleep good?"
"So what do you think about us trying again?"
I chewed on my lip hesitantly. He had me listening to all those Keyshia Cole and K.Michelle songs believing every word. I got up from being so low. And Tarence? Shit. I'm starting to regret coming.
"I honestly don't know. I want to but I'm scared to fall for something I can predict. Our relationship has been a repeating pattern. I want go believe you but if I don't if I can brace myself for being hurt from something bigger than a pregnant ex."
I watched his face contort to pain and anger. He shook his head taking a drag from the blunt. He stood up, pushing me off his lap.
"So why the fuck did you show up last night? You should have stayed away from me. I was holding up so well without you for a minute. Then you come here and all that shit reversed. I didn't tell you how I felt just cause I ain't have shit else to do!" He roared.
His pain was visible now and my throat burned as I could only look at me feeg in shame.
"Just get the hell outta here. You should be running back to that Tarence nigga. He was blowing up you messages last night after I put you to bed." He laughed at me disappearing back inside.
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