MAJESTY

Look down, you're talking to your highness Can't see me, I'm the reason for your blindness Rose. 24. Outrageous.

[airbuddy]

We’re all just a bunch of paper bags, being blown through a world that doesn’t understand the spirit of Will Ferrell’s portrayal of Buddy the Elf from Elf (2003).

[airbuddy]

Hey. What is up, you pathological liars. You absolute buffoons. You completely unsubstantiated virtual existences.

[airbuddy]

chronomania said: yeah, well, how else am i supposed to get notes on here? unless i can ensure it'll 8ring in the notifications, there's no point in posting it. that's all. and people sure like tons of 8ullshit sometimes. either way, i'm a8solutely imagining it, and i don't understand the tone it's supposed to convey, 8ut alright. she's pro8a8ly lucky, yeah. i'm luckier though.

I disagree. The knowledge that somewhere out there, someone has not only read my post, but also decided that I am the most ridiculous motherfucker to ever lay foot on this planet is enough to keep me posting. I want people balking at what I say. I want them to regret learning how to read on any fine night when I roll into town. They best be sobbing by the time I’m done, notes or no notes. It’s about living life to the fullest, and scaring some poor wiseacre shitless in the process. If I don’t have at least three obsessive blogs dedicated to documenting my cryptid-like mannerisms by the time I’m dead, what’s the point. Fuck notes. I want to be adorned with mystery and fear, and you should too.

If you don’t get the tone that I’m chucking your way, then you’re not #INTHEKNOW and you’re missing out, but I’m legally not allowed to explain it to you. Sorry. :(

Luckier in the sense that you’ve probably got some doe-eyed girlfriend who fawns over your every word, ‘cuz you’re a catch? Interesting take on a tale as old as time. Personally? I’m all for slapping the “luckiest” title on your GF.

[airbuddy]

chronomania said: i don't remem8er what i wanted to post anymore. you have my full attention now, like, kind of like those puppies that get real sad when their owner leaves for more than five seconds and then comes 8ack through the door? hi. ily.

I’m making a note of this. I’ll be sure to hide my presence a little bit longer so I can enjoy your chaos posting from the sidelines, next time around. It’s cute when you start calling for the fall of the social standards to consistently make your presence known on a site that otherwise doesn’t care about you, or your well-being. I’m wiggling my eyebrows RN, B-T-Dubz. I hope you’re imagining that as you’re reading this, because that’s exactly the kind of tone I want to set. Down with the establishment, up with my ‘browz.

You’re real sweet, in any case. I hope your girlfriend knows how lucky she is, ‘cuz that is hard to come by these days.

[airbuddy]

chronomania said: hey. i have pent up posting energies 8ecause i never log on. you know, i've 8een PLANNING some of these... and now they're ruined. :sweat: why do you gotta do this to me!!!

Don’t mind me. My metaphorical existence should hinder you no longer. Go buck fucking wild, brosif. Unleash the beast on all these poor, unsuspecting bloggers and burn this website to the ground.

[airbuddy]

I'm not actually online. What you’re seeing is the time echo of my present posting, warped through space and multiversal earthquakes of EPIC proportions. I am ascended, so beyond the mortal concept of internet that I can no longer be contained by the ideas of online or offline. Zuckerberg is quivering in his size 5 sneakers.

[airbuddy]

One Rose to rule them all. One Rose to find them, one Rose to bring them all and in the darkness, bind them.

[airbuddy]

There are only two paths in life. The nasty, and the slappin’. Tell me, young padawan. R U NASTY, or R U SLAPPIN’?

[airbuddy]

So there I am, pants off, ass taking in the sweet embrace of the night’s chill air, my titties j--

Ohhai Mark.

[airbuddy]

They purr, they’re a goatfiend, and they enjoy chaos. I can’t believe I’ve been in love with a furry this whole time, and not a single one of you asswipes told me. It was all so clear. I’m Boo Boo the Fool.

[airbuddy]

I have never claimed to be smart.

[airbuddy]

It’s hard, being in a long-distance relationship. It truly is too bad that my girlfriend can’t enter my home, or come within 500 feet of me due to my wards against furries. Oh, what a painful circumstance. How the cards have been pulled, not a smack of luck in sight.

[airbuddy]

I am spiritually downvoting that post because I cannot do it in this realm.

[airbuddy]

chronomania said: what if i look at you real sadly? like, employ the puppy dog eyes? offer to purr a little? what then. how does this effect this whole chaotic entity thing. jw.

The immoral, immortal, immeasurable constant of existence is unforgiving in the face of all, unrelenting in the ultimate fate, unwilling to give relief in times most dire. It does not wait for circumstance, does not ask for more, does not change itself the way that the river changes the earth. Unborn upon destiny’s anvil, unmade from what was. But yeah, that would totally change things. I’d give it a hot ‘n spicy ∞/10 on the scale of getting me to do something that isn’t completely selfish in nature. I’d go Mary Poppins (1964) on your ass and slap a big honkin’ magical purse on the table, filled with anything you could ask for. Reason and physics cannot cage the sheer force of my weakness to everything you do.

[airbuddy]

I am but one sly motherfucker, suckling the sweet, sweet JPEG artifacts from life itself.

[airbuddy]

chronomania said: i tried very hard and i'm getting what i wanted. granted, if i knew you were around, i pro8a8ly would've just hassled you instead. so. i see how it is. :pensive:

If you speak my name three times with the intention of asking me to do something, I’ll appear behind you and make the exact opposite of that happen. My life as a chaotic being of indescribable energy is unending, even with ice cream and GFs call for the pumpin’ out of the straight ‘n narrow Hamburger Helper, 2.0 of Santa’s elves, risen from the Arctic with the pungent odor of at least three different boxed and dried spices of secret origins. A terribly sad fact of life, as it were. I simply can’t be brought to deal out the hottest of helpings, even when it’s a time of need.

[airbuddy]

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