firesflicker:
it’s all fitting together, somehow. somehow, it all makes sense - - - at least to her. makes sense in that certain, unquestioned and unquestioning way of hers. the kind of sense her mind settles on and doesn’t let go of. there’s four of them, there has to be, and here they are. together. and maybe they don’t all get along, not yet, but they’re not about to turn one of them out. (not while estrid has any voice in the matter at all.)
“sure it does,” she says, looking at him quizzically. “why wouldn’t it?” it matters to her, just like the wants of her fellow riders had always mattered, just like what iain and aiyana wanted mattered. “what the rest of us want matter. why shouldn’t what you want matter?”
the way she lives - the way the rest of them live - it doesn’t make sense. eun can’t wrap his mind around it. around the way they don’t care but care so ferociously it seems like it would hurt. he shakes his head when she speaks. there’s something different in them, something - freer. something less staid. eun wonders if maybe this is all wrong. maybe he isn’t one of them at all, maybe there’s some underground rebel like them somewhere who can make the air do what they want. maybe this is all just a fluke, a mistake, and they’ll realize it soon enough and wash their hands of eun.
“you aren’t -” too much frustration colors the words and he bites his tongue, “what individuals want does not matter.” it’s rote, reciting words put in his mouth by someone else. “no matter how much you want something, it won’t happen.” fingers drum against a knee for a moment and he shakes his head again, “all of you do what you want,” fingers go still, “i’ll do what i must.”
