Hi, I'm Ais! Find me at patreon.com/ais, www.aisylum.com, and aisness.bsky.social -- I'm an asexual lesbian, INFP-T "The Mediator," Neutral Good "Benefactor," and Hufflepuff :D You may know me from co-writing In the Company of Shadows (ICoS) but I've done solo stuff too.
Hi there I was wondering how you were doing! I hope youâve been well!
These were all sent years apart no doubt and I'm guessing from the same kind person but all the answers are coming at once because I haven't signed into tumblr in forever. It's Project for Awesome weekend currently (P4A2026, projectforawesome.com) and it's the one time of year that always gets me to be at least somewhat online. Aside from trying to check in on Patreon at least once a month (patreon.com/ais).
I'm okay I guess. I do have a bunch of stuff I've been working through related to health. But generally I'm okay, more or less. I hope you're well!
Hi, Ais! Itâs been a while, huh? How have you been? I just wanted to share something with you â my Christmas gift to myself this year is this:
Hehehe. I had this lovely series printed and bound for my own personal collection. Iâm so happy with how they turned out. What do you think?
That looks amazing! I want to get the books published in print --it would be nice to have those on my shelf too :) I'm sorry I took so long to reply. I don't know when you sent this message so you probably won't see my reply. But I just wanted to say that's so sweet of you to message and I want to thank you for that kindness :)
I hope you're well!
I'm ok I guess. I do try to check in at least once a month on my Patreon (patreon.com/ais) and it's been a lot of health stuff for me for a few years. Currently working through some mental health stuff. But thankfully I have a good support network. I hope you are not dealing with anything difficult or if you are, that you have good support.
Its almost been a year i hope youre safe and healthy wherever you are!
Hi! It's probably been years since you wrote this. I'm so sorry :( I don't go anywhere online really anymore. I'm trying to challenge this with myself. It's a struggle. But I wanted to say I really appreciate your kindness in caring and checking in <3 I'm doing okay overall I guess. I hope you are safe and healthy wherever you are in the world, my friend!
Hi ais! idk if you're still around but I recently discovered in the company of shadows and I love it!!! I haven't finished it yet but it's one of the best stories i've ever read I can tell that already. and i dont know I'm really excited and just wanted to say something. say thank you for this. It's made me so happy!
Hi! I'm sorry, I'm so slow to reply... I have no idea how long ago you sent this. Knowing me, it may have been literal years. I haven't signed into tumblr in ages but it's Project for Awesome weekend and I'm on my Desktop for the first time in awhile. It's the time I'm most likely to sign in anywhere online outside of Patreon.
So anyway I'm so sorry I have no idea how late I am to reply but I did want to thank you genuinely regardless! That's so incredibly sweet of you to write/reach out <3 Thank you! I've been feeling down and this makes me feel happy :)
AIS! I know ur a One Piece fan, so I have to ask.. what do you think of the recent reveal of Luffy's true devil fruit power???? Joyboy??? I love One Piece so much, I have no one to talk to about it! Pls tell me ur thoughts XD
Hi! Sorry I took so long to reply!
***WARNING WARNING SPOILERS FOR ONE PIECE IF YOU KEEP READING - IMMA RAMBLE BROS I will put behind a cut just in case though***
((Oops I put the cut too far down first))
I'm so excited - it's so cool! So, when Joyboy was first brought up, I didn't know enough immediately about it. But after we got a little info, tbh my first thought was, "Oh so Luffy's probably Joyboy?"
I'd have to go back and look but I think especially around the time they were at Fishman Island - especially with all the stuff that was going on with Shirahoshi, and then Luffy having the voice, and all that.
We knew Luffy could hear voices others couldn't for a bit there, I think -- or maybe that's where it first popped up? But Roger could hear the voice of all things, or whatever it was called, as evidenced by the Poneglyph info inscribed in Skypiea that Robin translated back then. I can't remember where, but I feel like at some point it was implied Joyboy maybe could too? Not sure.
Also, with the way Luffy can bring people to him, kind of like he's a boat through an ocean and the current pulls such disparate people together into his wake, it made sense.
So recently, with all the stuff going on, when it was clear Luffy was working his ass off but he's still up against a major fucking powerhouse, as things were getting worse and we were seeing all the stuff going on with CP0, I was thinking - maybe Luffy will be severely injured or basically die, and then in coming back he'll Awaken.
I'd figured for awhile now he'd end up Awakening at some point - that made sense, with everything going on. And I figured it'd be pretty cool.
So Luffy confirmed as Joyboy, I was happy and excited to see but wasn't super surprised because I figured that was a given for awhile. However, WHAT Joyboy is, was something I didn't expect. And I 100% did NOT see the devil fruit thing coming!!!!!!! I fucking love how I can follow this series for like 20 years or whatever and still end up surprised by things, even when other things I can see coming from hints in the past - and how even if something I thought might happen does happen, it's still so fun to see it confirmed.
Fucking Oda is such a storytelling genius, istg *_*
I do have to say - I absolutely love OP, of course, but the past couple of years I've managed to be behind on the latest chapters by like a week or two. It's solely because of the way this shit is set up now that they closed down the main scanlation sites. I get that they don't want piracy etc etc but it seems to presume that people don't also buy the official shit even if they read scanlations. Not the case for me at all. I am subscribed to the SJ things so I can support weekly, I buy a shit ton of OP stuff, and I USED to always be caught up on the officially released English manga too. Only reason I'm behind on those (and why I don't want just the "official" versions online) is because I'm still super fucking salty about them calling Zoro fucking Zolo. I goddamn hate it lmao It drives me nuts so bad. When I buy the books, I physically change every l to an r and it's a pain in the ass so I've gotten to be like - fuck it, fuck them and their dumbass Zolo bullshit, I don't have the patience to change that everywhere UGH. I wish they'd release an alternate version with everything written as Zoro even if we have to pay extra or something. I would do it. idgaf. Also I have always liked having multiple translations since I'm not reading the original, so I like seeing how the wording changes across translators for different things. Plus the fact that the official version fucking calls Marines the "Navy" is irritating too. And I think the English says Dogtooth right? But I like his name as Karakuri more. I also like to go back and reread chapters, and they make it difficult to do so which I find annoying as well. (I will, of course, acknowledge though that I appreciate that Stephen is the translator - I'm glad we have someone on the official translator team who truly gives a shit about the series, and has for decades, and was one of the original fan translators back in the day. I just find it annoying that he has to make stupid ass alterations like Zoro's name because the company has the dumbest rules on that stuff, and since he's employed with them he has to follow those rules rather than being able to be fully accurate in translations. Salty salty salty I'm as salty as the East Blue lmao)
So, again, I'd like there to be a better system for the original shit, and it has become a thing where it takes me all this extra time to sit down and read the latest - I can't just skim through it like I used to be able to do. So I get a bit salty and have to set time aside, because I love OP and want to actually pay attention to it, focus on the story, see it properly on my screen, etc.
That's all to say that it's managed to take some of my weekly excitement away from OP, which really sucks man. I used to look forward to it every week, and now I sometimes forget to read it that week.
It's NOTHING to do with the series itself or the story though - I continue to love tf out of it <3
Anyway so I got on a tangent there (sorry lol) but I thought of it because I just realized I hadn't read the latest chapter (1047) so I wanted to check it in case I needed to add anything. In case you haven't read that chapter, I won't say anything about it.
But!! I did want to jump back a little in the current storyline, before we got all the Joyboy confirmation. To Zoro.
Wait, before that -- DUDE THE NIKA THING IS SO COOL!!!!! And I fucking love how the Awakening works. It is constantly cracking me up XD I love how the Five Elders were all serious like, "that devil fruit is the most ridiculous power in the world!" or something like that. And since they were so srsface I wondered if they meant that colloquially, like it's just super badass. But no, they mean it's actually ridiculous XD I fucking love it. I LOVE how it's turning everything around him into like an old American-type cartoon hahaha
And it's so cool the things he can do now! Also I super want to see this animated - they keep having his heartbeat be referenced, and it's been in the background SFX, so I'm hoping it'll sound really cool like an upbeat song or something when they animate it.
I'm way behind on the anime though - need to get caught up eventually.
Oh! Also, I love that Zunesha (the elephant) was talking to Momo, and it felt like maybe Zunesha was coming a little back to life? Like Zunesha seemed happy - which makes sense, since they've been punished to carry Zou on their back for punishment of some unspecified crime in the past, and they were affiliated with Joyboy 800 years ago. Those sunken eyes just make them seem so exhausted and half-dead, so it feels so nice to know they're getting a little bit of a break from their kind of living death. idk yet how it all will go, what it all will mean exactly, but I'm so interested in it - especially with Zunesha right there, it feels like something cool could happen.
Also I just love Zunesha regardless <3
The new devil fruit power and just everything around it fits Luffy really well, I think, so it's cool to see that his upgrade comes with such a bombshell of narrative connections too!
Again, can't wait to see animated.
Now back to Zoro - so he looked like he was basically almost dead, if not worse, and that's why one of the crew (I think it's Franky?) is running around trying to get him to Chopper to save him.
Before he was grabbed, but after he collapsed after his fight and winning it, we saw what looked like a Grim Reaper standing over Zoro, right? And Zoro was using Enma, the sword, as part of his arsenal.
Enma is a fucking powerful sword, said to be able to "cut through to the bottom of hell" - which makes sense, since in Japanese mythology (along with Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese mythologies and Buddhist, Hinduism, Taoism -- and more), Enma is the master of hell/the king. He's a deity and I've seen some things say he has the power to judge crimes committed by the dead while they were alive. Enma's also called Yama and other names - and in some versions he's seen as the human ancestor because humans were born from him (and his sister -_-) - and he is the king of death since he was the first human to die. Also, in Japanese Buddhism at least - idk enough about the variations to know about others - he's believed to be able to travel back and forth between Hell and the Pure Land. Pure Land is Jodo in Japanese Buddhism.
As opposed to Edo (a land with impurities or defiled land) where humans tie themselves up to be caught in delusions, Jodo is a land where basically Buddha resides. It's a place that is pure and clean and the legitimate land of Buddha. In some thoughts, it's not in our world - it's built in another world, and people only go there when their life ends. Another thought is that instead of going to another world (Jodo), our world will shift to Jodo.
Either way, for Buddhism, it's basically a place free from impurities and is where Buddha resides.
Zoro's powers have Buddhist references and he fits within the realm of it really well - in writing this I ran across this post below on tumblr. I don't know the person or their tumblr at all, but this has some good info on parallels to Zoro and references to Buddhism, done far better than I would've here.
asuras are demonic demigods and in buddhism asura is the lowest ranks of the deities or demigods of the KÄmadhÄtu. They are described as hav
There's more of course - I'm by absolutely no means an expert; I just know a little bit from reading about it.
Anyway though, I'm wondering what the significance will be of the reaper figure, Zoro essentially seeming to basically die right now or be close, and more. I'm wondering if the reaper was an embodiment of Enma the sword, or Enma himself or some variation of a messenger of his from Hell? I'm wondering if this will be Zoro's version of an Awakening - either now, or the foundation being set to happen in the future. I'm wondering, if that ends up being the case, whether this means he will lean more toward the Hell side of things, or if this will be a turning point of him going more toward releasing himself from impurities and eventually achieving accessibility to Jodo. Like, could he have gone there now? Could his spirit have gone to Hell with Enma? Will he be able to channel Hell of some sort? Perhaps Enma is showing him that there's a way to transcend it all?
Wouldn't it be cool if Zoro gained the ability to visit with souls of the dead in some way, or gain information from Hell or who knows, Jodo, if that's even possible? If that ever happened, wouldn't it be cool if something could be combined with Brook's powers in an attack channeling the iciness of death with the Buddhist aspects of Hell or enlightenment?
In order to become truly the greatest swordsman in the world, in order to bring about a unified and happy world as Luffy wishes as the Pirate King, right now, with my very limited understanding of the mythologies involved, it seems to me that MAYBE the next step in Zoro's future improvement and power will be something to do with him becoming closer to Jodo.
Like, I'm wondering if he'll shift more toward, or more away from, the way he's been - outlined more in that linked post above, but someone who's powerful, who isn't affiliated with the gods of any sort, who exhibits many great qualities like loyalty, honor, etc - but who also exhibits potentially violent or dangerous qualities. For example, as they referenced, the time he split a boat in two because he got on the wrong boat. I'm wondering if he will be aiming more toward addressing those reactions of his, and therefore honing even more his sword skills, to be able to achieve a higher power of Enlightenment, and through that maybe become someone who, like Enma, can transverse the realms? I think of it in terms of comparison to Mihawk. Mihawk also does things like just destroy a boat because he woke up from a nap and felt like it. In order for Zoro to become truly the greatest swordsman in the world, he ultimately has to surpass Mihawk. And with my limited knowledge, it seems to me that Mihawk has achieved the peak of what is achievable on the path he took in Buddhism terms, and so in order to surpass him, Zoro must learn to accept a different, greater path. One that perhaps causes him to accept things he hasn't accepted.
In writing this, I was checking for something related to Zoro and Buddhism and whether an Ashura can ever become someone who can visit Jodo or however it's best worded -- and I ran across this reddit post about Zoro, Buddhism, and his God Mode. Like the previous link, I haven't read the entire thing, and I don't know the person who posted it at all, nor do I know nearly enough about Buddhism to assess the information provided. But, it's basically a way more eloquent way of explaining what I've been wondering about Zoro's situation and potential future improvements.
218 votes and 62 comments so far on Reddit
I also saw they linked a YouTube video if you'd rather watch that or watch it in addition:
So, from the parts I saw skimming these things, I think it's explaining what I was thinking could be something going on potentially - and sort of what I've been thinking of his own Buddhist non-DF version of Awakening.
Also, since the time skip, I've been thinking that his left eye probably hides some power or something on his eyeball which indicates an upgrade or something specific. He could, of course, have just lost the eye or be blind in it; but I have been feeling like it'll be something else. I saw this comment which is in line with what I was thinking btu also referenced something I'd completely forgotten:
By the way, have you seen my theory about the 3 weapons and Red Line? And the World Government's flag? And what One Piece really is? I've had it for years now and idk if it'll end up being the case or not but I feel like it could make sense. At the very least it's fun to think about.
I think I went into it at some point in the past - if I find it, I'll link it here. (UGH I can't find it) Oh but now we have the info on Lunarians via King which adds to it even more imo.
lmk if you want me to go into that whole theory or whatever though. I guess if I didn't have it written down already I should do it sometime. istg I wrote it out though...
Anyway! Sorry for all the rambling about One Piece! Hope you don't mind! And what are your thoughts on the new DF info, Joyboy, all of that? If you reply in asks as anon you can just start the first one with **ONE PIECE SPOILERS** or something and then if you end up writing multiple posts I can throw them all into one. But no worries if you don't reply, or decide not to go in depth or whatever! Or of course we can also talk elsewhere on OP stuff, but you'd have to go away from being anon, and that is 100% up to you. I am perfectly happy either way, so do what makes you happiest :)
Hope you have a good day/morning/evening/night, whatever it is for you wherever you are in the world!
Go One Piece!
PS: I know I ended up going way more on about Zoro and Buddhism and Enma and the like than the Sun God stuff - I just hadn't had a chance to go in on my Zoro theory/thoughts so this got me excited to do so. If I should talk more about Nika etc lmk! There are some really cool connections with all that.
Also, if it did turn out Zoro goes the way of Hell fully in his powers, then he could represent the darkness/underworld and Luffy would represent the sun/sky, so they'd be a great team together.
Also also, part of my whole One Piece/Red Line/etc theory is in regards to the three great weapons. Now that Luffy is explicitly linked to the sky, I'm starting to wonder if he'll be the third Ancient Weapon himself. I had thought it was going to be something else, maybe from the moon - which still seems probable? Depending on if it's possible to be both Nika and the weapon, or if Nika is the weapon. idk yet - I haven't done enough research on the whole Nika thing.
I'm talking about Uranus btw - especially since the World Government forbid research onto the topic, and now we know that they also have been governing the "gomu gomu no mi" to the point of giving it that fake name, and they thought what Luffy could become was dangerous enough to interfere and try to kill him.... it does seem more and more possible as I'm thinking on it that Luffy could be Uranus. Maybe. Since Shirahoshi is Neptune, we do know the Ancient Weapons can be living beings, but of course Pluton is a ship.
Uranus is the personification of the sky though (or of the heavens), so it could fit to an extent with the Sun God, and with the WG being so hard on trying to take down any chances of a new Joyboy appearing.
On the other hand, the actual mythology of Uranus doesn't fit Luffy's personality at all. And since Uranus had the capability to change the weather or mimic things, that seems to fit more with Nami's powers - which could mean the Ancient Weapon is instead tied into the sky wizards she was learning from, or where they initially got their info.
I do, though, still think it's going to come from the moon tbh and probably NOT be Luffy himself. I could be wrong; it just feels like it fits well. The moon is not only in the heavens, of a sort, but it would tie in with Enel, the whole side story of him up on the moon, those little dudes up there, and now that we have King, the Lunarians as well and their almost godlike powers. Maybe he is Uranus instead, maybe he knows information that leads to it, maybe something else.
It's fun to not know for certain even at this point, and to be able to speculate different theories even using the same information.
Thank you for asking about OP - it made me happy to ramble about it :)
btw if you want to see one of the parts that had me dying laughing the most, the chubby bunny/marshmallow section with Jacksepticeye and Markiplier was gold. This will take you to the part of the stream right around where it starts - it just gets funnier.
We made it to over $5.3 million raised on Jacksepticeye's stream alone - and he has just one of many streams. Overall as a whole community, we've raised over $7.2 million. That's 720 houses that will be built for people experiencing homelessness. The goal is $10 million - 1000 houses. Before SeĂĄn's (Jacksepticeye's) stream started, tbh I worried we wouldn't be able to meet such a huge goal. I think the amount raised prior to his stream was $150,000 or so - which is a ton of money, but seemed so far from $10 mill. Even if he hit his own goal of $1 mill, would everyone be able to raise another $9 mill by the end of the year? Because Thankmas goes through the end of the year, although I think most people are probably going to be doing their streams this weekend/week.
But we made it SO FAR in just 10 hours alone. I can't believe it.
And because of that, I now 100% believe we as a community can hit $10 million.
Please still check out https://thankmas.tiltify.com/ - you can view all the fundraisers (probably almost entirely streams) at https://thankmas.tiltify.com/campaigns ... Pop into a stream, say hi, be nice, and if you have the available funds, donate :) The money all goes to the same global amount - and every little bit counts. Whether you can donate $1 or $100 or even more, it all matters.
I can't find the video they played during SeĂĄn's stream but I found one on their YouTube channel that shows some of the 3D printed houses. They do a lot more, and build a lot of more normal houses, but this is such a cool thing that I wanted to share this for any who hadn't yet seen.
Aren't they such nice, cute little houses?? I love them! And right now, as a community, we have raised enough to build 720 of them. That's 720 families who can have safety and stability who didn't have it before.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has helped out so far - by donating, by sharing, by streaming, by doing anything you're doing. It means so much.
If you can please keep spreading the word so people know to keep donating, as a global community I really think we can hit that $10 million mark, and together give a home to 1000 families.
Thankmas is still going! It'll be going as a community for days but jacksepticeye's stream is only about an hour left. Markiplier's hanging on stream with him now.
We're over $560,000 on Jack's stream alone, and we're only a little over 2 hours in! We're hoping to raise $1 mill on his stream alone - and as a whole community across the internet, we want to get to $10 million. Every $10,000 is a house built for someone experiencing homelessness.
Jacksepticeyeâs livestream link for today for Thankmas, raising money for homelessness :) You can go interact on chat with others now - the official livestream will fully kick off on the hour (about 20 minutes from me posting this, at 8 am PST).
Check it out there! Or find more info/other livestreams to join at https://thankmas.tiltify.com/Â
Or if you just want to directly donate to Jackâs link, go here:Â https://tiltify.com/@jacksepticeye/thankmas-2021Â
Listen I'm kind of stressing out because this year I don't have any money to be able to donate to Thankmas, which is a really awesome charity fundraiser that literally anyone can join. This year the goal is to try to raise 10 million dollars for homelessness.
I should have mentioned all of this earlier on Tumblr but I haven't been online a ton. So I'm mentioning today....
Please check out the link and see if you can join with your own livestream, no matter how small, or doing whatever you do.
You could also pop into any of the livestreams people are doing and donate through there. Or at 8 AM PST today Jacksepticeye will be doing a live stream on his YouTube channel.
You could also buy some of his PMA merch jacksepticeye.com ( PMA stands for positive mental attitude) and/or 100% of the profits today from topofthemornincoffee.com will also go towards Thankmas. I've gotten numerous things from top of the mornin coffee over the months and can confirm it's all actually really good. I prefer his mugs over most of the mugs I already had and his coffee is the 1st coffee that didn't actually make me sick.. I've always been pretty sensitive to coffee caffeine. I can't guarantee how it would or wouldn't affect others who are sensitive but at least for me I genuinely like it. I also like his tea.
I haven't ever had any of his merch from his site jacksepticeye.com, but I have bought merch from cloak brand which he shares with some others and that's been really good quality and comfortable stuff that I've, again, genuinely enjoyed. So theoretically any any shirt or whatever you buy through Jacksepticeye.com would also be comfortable. The proceeds are going to Thankmas from those sales too.
In future years I wanna be more properly set up so I can do livestreams or something to join in but it just wasn't something I could do this year. So I'm hoping someone out there sees this and is inspired to join in some way or form, or at least will share the word about this charity event. Last year was the 1st year I knew of it and I watched the livestream and really enjoyed it...
I absolutely love charity events that really encourage community and really care about the topics. I've really only been watching Jacksepticeye for about a year now but I absolutely love him and I feel like he's one of the most genuine people.. I think he really cares about this charity and that makes me really care too .
Thankmas is now going to be an annual charity event I look forward to like project for awesome is already for me.
Please check it out if you can! I wish I could lead this year with donating but I just can't, no matter how hard I try looking at it. I'm hoping at least spreading the word helps a little instead.
If, like me, you also can't donate I'm hoping you will at least spread the word or recommend people you know who livestream or do whatever online check out to see if they're able to join in... I'm not sure exactly how many more days it will go but but I don't think today is the last day. Not positive on that so if you do want to check out livestreams you should check out the site today and you can click around.
One of the really cool things about this charity event is it encourages literally anyone to join, which means there's almost 2000 creators on the site already doing or having done livestreams or some sort of fundraiser. And you can find people who have tons of viewers down to people who have no viewers. Which makes it a really nice place to click on random livestreams and discover new people.
Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friends, and take care of yourselves!
I am planning at some point to do a Q&A on my discord--if anyone has questions they want me to answer, let me know. Depending on how many questions there are, what they are, etc, I'm sure I can put the questions/answers somewhere else too. I just wanted to try it out on discord first :)
I haven't done much on my personal discord yet (a shocker to no one) but if you haven't seen it yet and are interested, feel free to check it out: https://discord.gg/NUWbVgxE
There's like, nothing on it rn. But I will add things as I go. And of course if you have any ideas/feedback/whatever, throw it my way!
PS: this is a separate discord from the ICoS discord just FYI
PPS: for the Q&A, it can be about anything - can you add Q&A in the ask though so I know it's for that? Thanks :) (Or reply to this or do whatever you want to get me the question)
How would have cedrick responded to learning about what vivienne had done to boyd by putting him up for the position at the agency, giving him a promotion, and selling him to cyclone? Would he have been angry, or thought that she was trying to protect him in her own way? How would he have reacted to seeing Boyd after the Aleixo mission, or at the end of fade after his eye was removed, at times where it was really obvious the affect physically and mentally that the lifetsyle had on boyd? Would he chose a side in the Beaulieu's feuds, or would he play both sides to try to make both of his loved ones happy? How would Boyd feel about his reaction? Would Boyd want Cedrick to be mad at Vivienne? What would Boyd want from his father if he came back to life in fade, what kind of relationship would he want?
**ICOS SPOILERS - JUST FYI :)**
I'm putting the whole reply behind a cut because I ended up rambling a bit - also I have a (shittily written and very short) excerpt from Julian Files that feels kind of relevant to this line of questioning, so that's easier to throw behind a cut too.
I'm pretty sure Ced would've been pissed at her for the Cyclone stuff. He would understand her reasons for it, and would know that in her own fucked up way she was kind of trying to help - but he also would have been pissed at her for how much Boyd was hurt in the process. He was very loving/protective of Boyd, and also pretty optimistic/hopeful in general, so he would've thought there surely could have been a safer and less traumatic way to help Boyd in the short run without fucking him up further in the long run.
(As for the rest of the things you mentioned of joining the Agency and the promotion, I don't know for sure but I think he might have understood that stuff more - because there's enough of Viv in Boyd for him to get that sometimes when they shut down emotionally, certain life changes or certain shifts in perspective help them find a reason to open up again, albeit slowly. And even if he wouldn't have wanted Boyd to be in a dangerous situation, he would have wanted Boyd to be as prepared IN that dangerous situation as possible, so at least with a promotion he learned more skills to protect himself and others. Also, Ced wanted to help others, so he would understand at least that part of the job is trying to help in some form, even though it's far from a perfect way of doing so.)
There's actually part of a scene I wrote in Julian Files that I never finished because I don't love how the preceding scenes go, and the scene in question is a direct result of them. But in the general part of that plot, Cedrick was out of town for work and Viv was supposed to be watching Boyd who was like 6 or something at the time. But Viv, being Viv, was being neglectful of him and Ced didn't know. He knew that Viv wasn't the most caring of mothers but they'd had conversations about how to make sure Boyd was safe when Ced wasn't around.
In this particular case, some shit happens with a person who kind of stalked Boyd showing up at the home when Boyd's alone, he and a buddy break in to steal shit, Boyd gets hurt in the process, Viv gets home after the fact, Boyd accidentally breaks pretty much the one thing Viv had from her parents (a horse figurine thing), and she gets pissed and yells at Boyd that she would have preferred to have lost him than to lose this thing. So Boyd runs off to Lou's and stays with him for a bit. At some point days later, Ced is finally able to get home - he tried to come home right away when he learned what happened, but he wasn't able to, so he was freaking out the entire time just beside himself worried about Boyd. He had some basic info and knew Boyd was alive and seemingly okay but was still terrified.
I kind of hate the way this is written, as well as the chapters that precede this, but this might be the only scene I can remember writing so far where it got to explore Cedrick freaking the fuck out worried about Boyd and being upset with Vivienne not protecting him. There were some previous scenes written ages ago but this is the most recent one, and probably would be closest in context to the context you're asking about.
-----------------
UNEDITED SHITTY SCENE EXCERPT:
The door slammed open, making Boyd jump and his heart race. Heâd barely turned around when heavy footsteps came at him. His father nearly bowled him over, grabbing him in a tight embrace with shaking hands holding the back of his head and crossing over his shoulders.
âBoyd, Boyd, I heardâThey saidâAre you okay?â
Boyd could hear and feel his fatherâs heartbeat crashing around in his chest. He felt instantly safer with the warm and strong hands holding him tightly and, strangely, his fatherâs rushed and panicked words, barely gaining breath between them.
Heavy kisses rained down all over Boydâs hair on the top of his head, and his fatherâs uneven breath gusted out near his temple.
âI couldnât get back any soonerâI tried, dear God I tried because fuck I was so scared andâshit, no, donât say those words, theyâre bad words, Daddyâs just really worried andâand, Boyd, are you okay? Are you okay? You didnât tell me yet if youâreââ
Cedrick pushed Boyd out by the shoulders, his eyes intensely focused and scouring every inch he could see of his son. He ran his hands all over Boyd, and when Boyd accidentally winced and shied away from the pain, Cedrick instantly pulled up Boydâs shirt.
He froze at the sight of the dark bruises and cut on Boydâs pale skin.
Boydâs mother came and stood behind his father, her face expressionless and posture straight. But Boyd saw the coldness in her eyes, and tried to pull away from his dad. He couldnât, though; his dad gripped him carefully but firmly with one hand, the other beginning to shake with the shirt in his hold.
Cedrick twisted around to face Vivienne, his voice rising louder.
âWhere the hell were you? You told me youâd be home with him! You told meââ
Vivienneâs stare only became more remote. Cedrickâs hand tightened so hard on Boyd it almost hurt. He let Boydâs shirt fall back down.
âDonât even fucking try that look on me. You know I can read you like a fucking book. You promised me, Vivienne, and you⊠He could have been killed, he could haveâWhat would we have done? What wouldâwhat would I have done?â
Vivienne didnât answer.
âVivienne! You need to goddamn answer me! Where were you? Why donât you ever careââ
âShe helped!â
Boydâs outburst made Cedrick snap his attention back to his son. Boyd trembled in his fatherâs hold, terrified because his parents rarely argued like this and it was his fault, he knew it was his fault because he let them know about Troy. He never should have told anyone. He never should have hurt that horse and he never should have told the police the truth.
It was just like Mr. Cole said. Everything was coming true.
âWhat?â Boydâs father sounded a lot less scary when he addressed Boyd. Now he was tense but gentle, just like his hand running along Boydâs shoulder. âBoyd, itâs okayââ
âShe was here,â Boyd insisted. It was a lie but he didnât care, he made it as convincing as heâd ever done in his life. âShe was here but then she had to go get something, and Troy must have been watching and then he came in when she was gone but then she came back and the police got him so itâs okay now. You donât have to yell. You donât have to be mad.â
He tried to ignore the way his eyes grew wet with tears, and twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands.
--------
I never finished the scene so that's all I have.
Without writing the actual scenes out you're talking about, I don't know for sure - it always seems like I think characters will do one thing and then they do another unexpectedly. But I'd generally guess it would be something along the above vibe, maybe? Except with Boyd being less timid.
Ced sort of would have been in the middle but he also wouldn't excuse certain things. He would have understood that Viv does some shit because she's fucked up, and he loves her so he understands that her choices are sometimes fucked, but that also doesn't mean he'll excuse it and tell Boyd he has no reason to be upset about things he has every right to be upset about. He probably would have ended up being a little bit of a mediator, but less so in the way of trying to smooth things over and making everyone happy, and probably more so in the way of trying to make sure every side felt heard, but more importantly that they understood if they did shitty actions that they were shitty (in this case, that would be directed toward Vivienne), and that they figure out a way for these things not to happen again, while being realistic about knowing how everyone is.
As for what Boyd would have wanted, he probably wouldn't have wanted Ced to hate Viv - he would have just wanted everything to be figured out in a way where no one had to be hurt, and they could just get along, and he would feel valued. He would have loved to just have any sort of relationship with his dad, but Ced being Ced, the relationship would have been a largely happy/supportive one, with Ced being a doofy loving dad - but also someone who will always stand firm if he thinks Boyd, Vivienne, he himself, anyone, is doing something wrong or etc and needs to be called out on it.
If Ced were there in Fade, I think more than anything, Boyd would have just wanted to be able to go up to him, hug him, and be able to cry in his arms, and feel like it was okay and he wasn't being weak for wanting to break down. He would have just wanted to hear his dad say that Boyd was doing ok, that he was trying hard and that was important, and that he had value as a person and that Ced didn't judge him or hate him or wasn't disappointed in him because of anything Boyd had said or done or etc in his life since Ced left. All of which is what Ced would have wanted to do/say too. Well, and then Ced would have for sure wanted to say how proud he was of Boyd, which I don't know if Boyd would have thought to hope to hear in Fade but idk, maybe he would have hoped for that too.
They probably would've just had fun hanging around at times doing whatever. I could see the two having fun digging into different topics or theories or mysteries or whatnot to figure them out.
Also, Ced would have liked Hsin, and would have accepted him as a son in law, just FYI. He already met Hsin when Hsin was like 14 and tried to help him then, so if it later turned out those two got together, he would've understood. Honestly, Boyd/Hsin have a lot of Ced/Viv vibes in some ways, and Ced would've been able to see that, so he would totally get why Boyd and Hsin love each other so much. Except Boyd/Hsin were more volatile because they eventually actually talked their shit out more than Ced/Viv properly did, or really honestly got a chance to do - so in many ways, Boyd/Hsin's volatility was in part because they were ultimately able to be more brutally honest with themselves and each other.
hi!!! firstly i just want to say i LOVE ICOS with my whole being. i read it for the first time in high school abt 5 years ago and read it again over quarantine last summer and it drew me in and wrapped me up wholly, i couldnât put it down. i love the story and characters so much.
i also love writing very much and have always written small stories, fan fiction etc., the past couple weeks iâve felt inspired to write fiction of my own, a novel of sorts with my own original plot and characters, and i wanted to ask you for some advice/ words of wisdom.
how did you plan out the characters you wrote? or did you more just let them write themselves? and did you plan out chapter by chapter how the plot would unfold before writing, or again let it happen as you wrote it? iâve found it easier for me personally to let things happen as i write, and that the characters do things and say things i never planned for, was wondering if you felt the same or if you were more organized lol.
also what platform did you use to write on?
sorry for the long post, i hope youâre doing well.
Aww thank you, that's so sweet! I'm glad you like it :)
Side note, before I forget to mention - I just made a subreddit for my writing/stuff which will include ICoS things... I'll be adding more info on there this weekend hopefully, and I'm sure I'll do another post over here too but the link if you want it is https://www.reddit.com/r/aisylum/ It may be a place to find some other stuff in the future if you think of anything. I was thinking of doing an AMA or Q&A type thing over there too. Obviously, always feel free to ask here too <3 I love either place. Just wanted to mention while I'm thinking of it :)
I'm so happy you've been inspired to write - good luck and great job! I think that sounds absolutely awesome and I bet your story will be fantastic :)
We kind of did a bit of a hybrid.... I really wish I had the original bulletpoint list for what the book was originally going to be, but "Sonny" and I had opposite ways of looking at things. "He" would delete things as we went, and I would squirrel it all away until later lol So "he" deleted a bunch of bulletpoints/early info as we went because neither of us actually expected anything to come of any of it, so I also wasn't super anal about keeping track of things way early on. I might still have some documents buried somewhere with info but offhand I don't know where.
Anyway so I kind of am more like you in the way you write, but I will sometimes make the effort to try to plan a bit, especially if there's a cowriter. For ICoS for example, we had a rough outline planned of what was going to be the story, we started writing, we let the characters/plot/etc go where it needed to go, that meant things we hadn't planned from the start came in. The original story was basically mostly Evenfall, then skip Afterimage and Interludes for the most part but not entirely, and then we didn't really have a hugely detailed end initially from what I recall but we knew generally what was going to happen, so some of the stuff from later Fade would probably have been in the bullets. But when we got to the end of Evenfall, whatever was our next bulletpoint just did not feel right; we knew all the other stuff that starts Afterimage would happen instead.
For my long ongoing LGBTQ+ fantasy series I'm working on, the first book is finished but I'm editing it to change/add some significant stuff. I have a whole bunch of info on that which I've compiled over the years, so to an extent I have a general idea of plot things that will go down in the rewrite and also in the future into the other books, but a lot of details and even bigger points are left untouched. I prefer to let the characters/story/world/plot go where it wants to go, and I just have general points that I know make sense or have to happen eventually, and I look for how to fit them in as organically as possible to the way the story is going. If that makes sense. I will occasionally try to really work out exact storyline bullets but I get so bored so quickly that I never finish.
Because I like world-building and character development, I actually find it more fun and more useful for my organizational skills (any that exist, anyway, lol) to be aimed more toward that. Rather than focusing on the story and what the plot will be and what character will say what in which chapter, I prefer to dig into the past of the characters, dig into the world, the magic system or whatever is relevant, and have that info all squirreled away somewhere if needed. That way, as I'm going forward with writing the characters/story more organically, if things are going around what I initially thought the plot would be, this gives me something to then pull from for inspiration on how to incorporate this new plot/etc into the world more seamlessly, and make it feel more at home. And if you have all that info on characters, it also makes it easier to throw in things that flesh the character out more, and that can all lead toward character development in the future.
Boyd, for example - when we first had the valentine thing come up, it was just going to be a thing that happened that showed their miscommunication and how fucked the Agency was. But then it didn't make sense to me for it to just be a thing mentioned once and never again. So then that added to Boyd's story; now he was a valentine, so if it made sense or it was relevant, that was a thing that could or should come up. As the story progressed and the world grew, and with that the Agency and other factors were more fleshed out, it became more and more relevant. Then, by the time Fade came around, it was fully integrated into Boyd's story because by that point it would be weirder if it weren't - and because it made total sense in the characters' perspectives and the different organizations' perspectives and the story as a whole for the things to happen the way they did. But all of that, of course, then informs Boyd's mental health, physical health, and overall stability. Which then affects how he interacts with the world and other characters, which then affects the plot to an extent because of the choices he would make that may be different now, in the context of these life experiences, compared to prior to those life experiences. If the valentine thing never happened in Evenfall, a lot of Fade would be different. When we had that coming up in Evenfall, we didn't know another book was coming at all, let alone 3, let alone that it would end up having such a significant impact on the story and character development. But that's just kind of an example of building on things as you go, which is what I tend to do, personally.
As for the program - in the beginning we just used Word I think, and talked on AIM or something. It's been so long I don't totally remember. But for most of it we used Google Docs because that made it easy to share and write/edit at the same time.
Also, haha never be sorry for long posts - as you can see, I will almost always go longer ^_~
Hope you're doing well too! Thanks for your interest :)
hello!! i just spent the past month or so reading all the icos books, scrolling through your account, and reading the notes you posted about the sequel on patreon. iâm absolutely amazed by this series and these characters, i donât have words for how good of a time i had delving into this story. i started off loving hsin immediately and although it took me some time to warm up to boyd, he ended up being one of my absolute favorite characters that iâve ever had the pleasure of knowing. i really think boyd and hsin and their story, along with the stories of all the other amazing characters associated with them, will stick with me for a long time. anyway sorry for the long message, but i just wanted to express my gratitude for these booksâthey helped me out a lot mentally after everything post-2020 haha. i did have a sort of question though!! how did boyd deal with the loss of one of his eyes? did he train with hsin to help adapt? how did he deal with the insecurities and frustrations that came with that loss?
Just in case - **ICOS SPOILERS / FADE SPOILERS** :)
Hi! Aww that's awesome! I'm so happy you enjoyed the series :) And that you were able to find all the content on it right away too. It's also really cool how things shifted for you over the course of the series - because that means it did its job with showing character progression :) I mean, not that it matters if people end up liking all the characters or not - but if you start feeling one way and end another, that's awesome because it means there was character development that resonated with you in anyone and that's one of my favorite things when I'M reading a book, so it's one of my favorite things for if anyone ever reads anything I'm involved in writing. So that made me really happy to hear, thank you <3
I'm gonna put my answer behind a cut just in case for spoilers :) Hopefully this thing doesn't disallow you from clicking the Read More link which once in awhile tumblr does.
Spoilers behind cut :D
Regarding his eye, it was obviously in many ways pretty life-changing for him. Even though Boyd and Hsin by that point were much better about communicating, and Boyd would want to lean on Hsin whenever needed, although I haven't written out anything from those time periods (so it may change when/if I actually do, as sometimes the characters do things I'm not expecting) -- I have a feeling Boyd tried to kind of hide as much of the downside as he could from Hsin. Not because he didn't trust Hsin - he did, unequivocally - but rather because Hsin had seemed so regretful and seemed to have guilt/worry when Boyd first woke up and learned he lost his eye. He didn't want Hsin blaming himself for it, and if Hsin saw it upsetting him too much he would have probably worried about how Hsin felt.
It did take him time to figure out some things - his depth perception was fucked, and he couldn't fight quite the way he initially had learned because of that, along with other things. He would have let Hsin see him relearning things when necessary because that's inevitable, but he would have tried to play off anything much deeper if possible. He would have wanted to see if he could handle things on his own first (in typical Boyd style) just so he could spare Hsin extra stress. He felt like Hsin had already lost so much; it didn't feel fair to pile anything further on him.
So Hsin would have helped with some stuff when needed, and obviously I'm sure they talked about things as needed too. It's not like the topic was taboo or Boyd was super sensitive to it. As much as it sucked, it was also just a thing he had to accept. So in some ways, he kind of just rolled with it the way he'd had to learn to roll with so much else in his life.
Where it really was most frustrating and upsetting for him was the way it affected his ability to work. Even though he felt and was fully capable of many things, certain jobs just would not hire someone with one eye, period. Their rules didn't allow it, or they just chose not to, or so on. Because they had to stay on the downlow, he already had limited options in the first place, and that made it worse. Then on top of that, having an eyepatch made him more memorable. Once he eventually got his glass eye, it helped a bit with that, but he'd always had an unusual eye color so without contacts and different hair color and all that, if someone were looking for him they could still potentially track him down. Hsin was also incredibly memorable so it was a worry for him as well. Especially when you put those two together.
I don't think we ever talked about it but in my personal opinion, I would guess that they probably talked about their plans for the different cities/countries they were in, whether one or both of them would stand out more, what sorts of income they could get, what sorts of things they could do, what sort of places they could live incognito, and so on.
I have always had in my mind that there was a period of time especially early on when Boyd was still healing and getting used to things, where he (as usual) tried to push himself a little too far a little too fast but Hsin stopped him because he knew how Boyd is and he knew if he was firm, Boyd would actually listen.
So for a time, Hsin was the main person going out to do things, get money, etc. There were hours Boyd would be alone wherever they were staying, and during that time all those doubts and frustrations and anger and insecurity and fear would come in. For awhile, I think he probably even drank when he was alone. Never to an addictive level or anything; just the actions of a man who felt depressed.
I'm sure some of his demons leapt on that--telling him shit like he wasn't ever going to have more worth than he did when he was used by Cyclone, or the Agency - shit like, maybe you're never going to be anything more than a valentine/whore for money in the future anyway. If people won't see you as anything other than the parts of you, and now the parts of you that are missing more than the parts that are there, maybe it's useless to think there's anything more of value in your life. That sort of negative thought process that you know isn't true but still buries its tendrils deep inside and twists.
The thing is, Boyd never really had much to call his own his whole life that people didn't attribute to others around him - one of the only things he had was his art. And losing an eye didn't make it impossible to do art, but in that beginning stage, it just felt extra awful to have lost something so integral to the one thing he had that was his alone, that hadn't been used and abused and destroyed by other powers in his life - it felt like maybe that just went to show he didn't have value other than what others assigned to him. Which is how the valentine stuff probably came to mind - through a bit of depression and also practicality, because he knew he could make money doing that if they needed it, even though it was the absolute last thing in his life he would ever want to do. But then the guilt would come in about not being able to do enough on his own, not pulling his weight, etc etc, and then the fear associated with all of these topics, and that's how the depression would have slid in and spiraled him down.
I always imagined that Hsin recognized how depressed Boyd was, even though Boyd tried to hide it, and eventually they would have had some sort of conversation about it all.
In my mind, somehow through that and any following conversations or actions or etc, Hsin was able to remind Boyd of all the things he could do still, rather than focusing on the things he couldn't. He would have reminded him that it was bullshit to think he had no value, and as for getting denied different jobs, it didn't matter - they were in this together, they'd figure it out together. He would have been able to remind Boyd to stop taking all the shit on himself and share the burden. And that Hsin didn't give a shit about any of that stuff - Hsin saw Boyd for who he was, and he loved him for that, and nothing would ever change that. Boyd would have probably told Hsin at that point he was afraid of Hsin blaming himself when it never had been his blame to begin with, and he never wanted to hurt Hsin, and etc. I imagine he told him that, but am not sure.
Either way, it would have reignited Boyd's stubborn streak and determination, and he would have been reminded of how much they could do together as a team. And how much they loved each other. And fuck the world, who cared what other people thought? He could do whatever the hell he wanted. He'd figure it out. He always had.
From then, he would have started working on things again - figuring out ways to fight that relied more on touch so his blind spot and depth perception were less of an issue (Hsin would have helped a lot with this), and he would have started painting and drawing again. It went from his offtime from Hsin being something dark and depressing to something largely productive. Obviously everyone still has bad days, but at least he was generally on the up. And they did eventually figure out jobs he could work too, or things he could do, so he wasn't just spending all his time alone when Hsin wasn't around. And so Hsin didn't have to have any pressure on him to do things alone.
I don't remember if I ever answered this question before and if I did, it's possible my answer was a little different. I often think about parts we didn't write down and I feel like I have an idea of how it would go, but until I actually write something down I never know for sure. We never planned for Afterimage, for example - but when we went to write past Evenfall, it became clear that was a thing that was going to happen, and so it did, and then things from that affected other things into Interludes, Fade, 1/27, etc.
So it's possible if ever any of these time periods are written down that maybe my view of what I think would happen ends up being completely incorrect or off. But right now, generally speaking, I imagine it went something like this.
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