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Lightning

"Kissing you didn't feel right this time," she said. "I'm sorry."

"I broke my earphones today, because I was running after him. Literally. Running. After. Him. I couldn't keep up with his pace, so I had to try harder."

And in that moment, she felt it. She felt as if her chest was going to burst. It felt familiar. Her heart being that overwhelmed with emotions. She knew that she's gonna break her heart again. She knew it hurt. But this time she had to be brave.

She has to be braver.

Braver than she ever was when she's breaking her heart. Because now, she realizes that she can put her head around the fact that yes, it hurts. So what? She'll get over it soon enough.

She has to be braver, because she knows she can. She can be braver. She has to repeat it to herself. Over and over. Because that's how she'll finally believe herself. She can do this.

She has to be braver. The pain will soon fade away. The bursting will soon be over and done with and she'll finally be able to breathe again. Most probably love again.

Because she is braver.

Aizekism

01022015

#brave #January2nd #2015

Downpour

"Sometimes, I just start to feel all this love for you. And it's very random. Like, I'd cry thinking that you won't get to be loved the way I want you to. And that I am more than willing to love you like that. But, that love is not that simple. It's not always that easy. There's always that cliff-hanging thing to all good things like that--hamartia. And most of the times I felt that, YOU are my hamartia. You're the very reason why I can't love you like that. That's the painful thing about that, my love. Some times, if not most, we make it harder for things to be their very own happier versions. But I love you. And I want you to feel that--more than just knowing."

I end up tweeting these things (separated in 140 characters or less, of course) in the middle of the night. Blame my late night realizations and epiphanies. Words I could only express in a much familiar way than telling him straight. So here's a downpour of my emotions because I know I'll only be able to let these out here freely.

And then wait for nothing, just like I always have.

#January4th #epiphanies #random

What's good about waiting? (Part 1)

Chances are, in this life, you’ll only get a few turns for yourself. A few, which you’ve waited for a very long time. Much like falling in line to get your bus ticket to anywhere. They say waiting can be very tiring, but would you think of it as something different? Like the first step to your adventure, or something.

Waiting should be fine, as long as you know that at the end of that line, you’ll get what you have waited for. And that is worth all the wait.

Their love was strong,

but timing was wrong,

and love decided

that they didn’t belong.

I heard someone say that no matter how strong your love is, when time messes up with you, you’re definitely screwed. Well, as it goes, timing’s a bitch. And if that happens, what do you do? You wait.

And wait.

And then your turn comes.

The waiting part is over. What happens next?

It’s the trickiest part of waiting. This moment usually comes when you’ve used up all the patience that you have in your body. Sometimes, this moment comes when you’re just about to give up. Sometimes, it comes when you have given up already.

After a long wait, getting what you have waited for is truly rewarding. Or is it, really?

#waiting #december12th

I have spent the last 72 waking hours thinking of a “new” way to greet you on your birthday. For the past years, I have done several things like created a video greeting, surprised you on your birthday by coming home from Baguio, composed a poem for you, wrote an article, etc. I hate to admit it, I ran out of ideas.

Hence, forgive your ever beautiful and loving daughter (oops, this is YOUR day, I shouldn’t be bragging. Sorry), for being mainstream this time. My last resort is to do what I know I’ll be good at (there it is again, really sorry, Mother)—writing.

Since I started working, I never heard you ask for money when you know I can’t give you anything. You never demanded for things I couldn’t give anyway. Since I graduated, I never heard you ask me for my plans. You never demanded for the future you know I never wanted. And even though I know how much you are itching to push me to the future you have always wanted for me, you stop yourself and let me find my own to figure things out. No, even if it may seem that I was mostly on my own, I never felt you leaving my side. You were always there all the way supporting me—being proud for things I have achieved, on my own.

It may seem to others that you’re such an unconventional Mom (because you really are, really *wink*), letting us do things that we want, and be with the people we want to be with, giving what we need when we definitely need it (especially money hehe) is what you always sought out to do. I remember when Kuya and I started to tell you about our love escapades, you just laughed it off. Other Moms would have gone gaga over issues like that with their children (not that I condemn them, I love all Mothers ehem!), you just gave us your support and advice whenever we needed them. When there are things we learned to do that others deem inappropriate, you scold us in a way that we won’t stray away from you, you told us things we need to hear and then let us figure the rest. That made us love you more.

Thank you, for all that.

I know I haven’t been thanking you enough for the things you always do for us, for the sacrifices you have made to keep us. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for the sleepless nights you’ve had just to bring us home from your place to Dad’s. Thank you for the stargazing nights we’ve had along Roxas Blvd. Thank you for the “doppelganger” and “carbon-copy” nights that we’ve shared. Looking forward to more of that, yeah?

Happy birthday, Mother bear! Cheers to more memories to come. *wink again*

(Photo taken by: Ruthbeer Capati on April 28, 2013)

#HappyBirthdayMom! December8th

This isn't just a spark. The way you calm me down is more powerful than a thunderstorm in the Pacific; it's more dangerous than the lightning that disturbs the stillness of the ocean. The way you calm me sends electrifying signals to my heart that it jump starts. This isn't just a spark, it's so much more than that.

(First photo from Google; second photo taken at Pepperstrings Bar, Baguio City)

#december1st #random post of the day

This love deserves a post.

Since I haven't posted anything for the past months (pretending that I am not busy, and that I have all the time in the world; in a parallel universe, that is lol), I think it's time to break the silence.

Nothing more than the caption above.

#Nov29th

She knows

For every 'sweet nothing' text that you send him.

For every "I miss you," text,

For every meal that you cook him,

For every new shirt that you make him wear,

For every shot that you take with him...

You hate her.

Because you know that for every 'sweet nothing' text that you send him, he used to get that from her,

Because you know that for every "I miss you," text, he used to reply "I miss you, too." To her.

Because you know that you can't cook him, not even a real decent meal; and she did. She used to.

Because you know that for every shirt you make him wear, she was the one who used to take it off him,

Because you know that for every shot that you take with him, she used to be drunk with that same shot.

And you hate her for that. You hate to know that.

That even after she's long gone and has moved on, you still hate her. You hate her because for every memory that you try to make with him, it nothing new to the ones he made with her. Every single day that you get to spend with him, it wasn't as extraordinary as it was with her.

Yet, she's long gone and moved on. And you're with him. You love with with all that you are. Still, you hate her.

She's happy now, but you don't want that. She can't be happy while you're lurking in your mesh of jealousy.

You know that it'll never be the same. Because deep down inside you know that she loved him in a way that nobody else can, not even you.

#Aug 6th #2014

I'd like to

...someday see you grow. I'd like to someday see you finally at your full bloom. I'd like to know that you'd be alright. Finally. And even though it hurts to know that it is not because of me, I am privileged to just be aware that even bits of that were because of me.

And i'd like to thank you for that; for all those things that you have made me accept, as well as for the ones that I still couldn't. These are memories that I'd always keep; preserved and treasured.

I'd like to let you know that it's not always easy to let that go. You know, what you and I had. Nobody could understand that. I am thankful that we did. Though you had a hard time trying, at least I know you did. And for the longest time, you were my friend. Through it all, I know that you had enough guts to stay. I'd like to thank you for that.

I'd like you to know that I've seen you grow. It was delightful to watch you as you struggle to know what you're supposed to do and even more a delight to see you do it--stand for it. You fought even if you still don't know how. And when you began to know, you fought in the way you thought was alright. It was all alright.

I'd like you to know that I'm proud of what you have become. And as much as I try to go further away from you, I'd like to let you know that I'm just far enough to watch you stand on your own; smile on your own.

Until then, I will be very happy to just be here for you no matter what. As I have promised, I'll look out for you.

http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Make+You+Feel+My+Love/4OrMnu?src=5

#random post #June6th

c0herency

Someday I’ll be writing about someone who loves me back.

10 word story (via yangderella)

EVERYTHING RELATE

Won't you stay with me?

Hey you, I never thought that I would come to a point that I'd feel this way abt you. It started over a year ago. We were just friends. Just friends. Until one day, you started to act different. You started moving with grace. You started moving carefully around me. You eyes started to sparkle when they meet mine. Your touch started to spark. You started to care more than you do.

But just like most of my stories, it wasn't easy for the two of us. I didn't really notice that you did until my friends did. I thought that it was just your usual self around me. We were comfortable with each other. Saying things no normal friends would. But then what are we after all?

I started to think of you differently. We were both involved with different partners then. When I lost mine, at the back of my mind I waited for yours too. But it never happened. You were still together. You tell me stories about how the two of you never really work out, but why stay? You always fight, why stay? She treats you the way you're not supposed to be treated, why stay?

Now for the longest time, I know that I will, again, wait. Because I know that once we're there, it'll work out; so you will stay. I know that we will not fight; so you will stay. And I will definitely treat you the way you deserve to; so that you'll have more reasons to stay. With me. For the longest time.

So what do I do now? I wait. Like I always have.

#May 19th

i-am-you-and-you-are-me-as-one

Even on bad days, I’ll still be happy with you.

(via idreamweddings)

cutesecrets-blog1

Quotes here

mknmv

I don’t understand why when we destroy something created by man we call it vandalism, but when we destroy something by nature we call it progress.

Ed Begley Junior (via ruedamour)

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