She gets poison when it splashes

don't follow without asking

[acrossrapids]

[acrossrapids]

You'll let yourself get distracted for ten minutes while your mother is doing some shit she doesn't even need to be doing right now, that you told her you weren't really set to help with tonight, and you'll come back to her saying some fatalistic shit about how she often thinks it'll take days for her body to be discovered when she inevitably dies alone, because she had a faint spell

[acrossrapids]

Mind you I would worry every time she wasn't home when I got back in the evenings because she was out w coworkers and hadn't told me but yeah not noticing right away that you couldn't get back up off the ground on your own after telling me you weren't even sure you were going to finish putting this chair together tonight and while I was two floors down means I wouldn't give a fuck about checking up on you for days if something happened definitely 👍🏻

[acrossrapids]

You'll let yourself get distracted for ten minutes while your mother is doing some shit she doesn't even need to be doing right now, that you told her you weren't really set to help with tonight, and you'll come back to her saying some fatalistic shit about how she often thinks it'll take days for her body to be discovered when she inevitably dies alone, because she had a faint spell

[acrossrapids]

Sigh so sufferingly and points at the "spec" in aroace-spec

[acrossrapids]

I have the soul of an elf I was not meant to live in modern times

[acrossrapids]

Navigating the world and especially beaurocracy as a young, inexperienced neurodivergent adult is the worst it's like being forced to perform in the circus because everything runs on these inscrutable invisible rules and you'll be made to feel stupid for not picking up on the "obvious solution" or knowing the right question to ask but if you overcompensate by asking too many clarifying questions you'll also be treated like you're stupid for that too

[acrossrapids]

Sometimes you take what you assume is the most reasonable course of action based on the information you have but it turns out you actually caused yourself more trouble than necessary because someone else assumed they didn't have to explain/spell out certain things to you

[acrossrapids]

Navigating the world and especially beaurocracy as a young, inexperienced neurodivergent adult is the worst it's like being forced to perform in the circus because everything runs on these inscrutable invisible rules and you'll be made to feel stupid for not picking up on the "obvious solution" or knowing the right question to ask but if you overcompensate by asking too many clarifying questions you'll also be treated like you're stupid for that too

[sacred-portal]

[acrossrapids]

I hate this place

[acrossrapids]

Actually fuck this and fuck everyone it's all pissing me off if I'm just going to be going through the familiar motions unable to create more than the smallest momentum towards fucking anything at all and that's what life is as the actual adults I know keep telling me I'm going to lose it for real eventually

[acrossrapids]

Why do men have to stress me out

[acrossrapids]

"Can you only do one thing a day and then you're done?" yes but I don't want to admit to that

[acrossrapids]

It's crazy how a coworker having a thing for me immediately makes me want to drop everything and quit my job

[acrossrapids]

I'm like fine cause this is literally all so normal to me at this point but I'm being so genuine when I say everything (everything) is difficult for me and that I'm lucky to have a day go by without some gross intrusive thought plaguing me

[acrossrapids]

- you're just crying to make me feel guilty

- your father made me feel like I was nothing, and you remind me of him

- "she doesn't care if I live or die" [through tears, overheard]

[acrossrapids]

Person who has continued to ignore or argue with you on every request you've made about communication, boundaries you've tried to set, and attempts to explain why something bothers you or hurts your feelings

Person who makes no effort to have anything in common with you, doesn't want to hear about your interests, doesn't really know your friends, but grows upset when you don't reach out to initiate and make converstion

Person who constantly makes threats or says things they don't mean, especially if they think it'll hurt you, and sometimes things they do mean and it's not only baffling but painful to ask yourself what leads them to believe that, largely misconceptions about yourself you cannot meaningfully correct without further spiraling the converstion

Person who can't handle the slightest bitterness thrown back at them without having an intense self-victimising emotional reaction, because it's okay if they do it, but not you

Person who loves and clearly has some idea of being there to support you through hard times but has frankly only made things worse when you were struggling and clearly expects comfort regarding the very difficult things they're going through but has blown up at you for trying to offer comfort in the past to the point you can't trust yourself to be around them in this state anymore

... person you overheard telling the 911 responders to a crisis call your brother placed that "she doesn't care if I live or die" through hysterical tears and it's the worst you've ever felt about how you've handled conflict over the years but you know from experience that trying to have a conversation about it or convince them otherwise will just never go well despite all the best intentions in the world so it's less strife not to interact at all and let them continue to assume you don't even care (you do, you want to, but it gets harder all the time)

[acrossrapids]

Usually when I get the feeling that I want to purge servers and log off all my socials it fades shortly after because I don't want to give up on the interaction and attention I get online but it's been a week now of this gradually building sense that I'd just rather not talk to most people anymore