If youve followed my blog you’ve seen pictures of when I started at 177, gradually go past 185, into the 190s– and then a hiccup.
The most I’ve ever weighed was 208-210 stuffed with all my clothes. About 204 empty.
For the last 8 months I’ve gone up and down - being sick, stressed, under pressure to keep appearances, and things.
Well 3 months ago I got a new job. They pay for my food so there’s plenty of it. Well shortly after I found a feeder of sorts here in the community. She. Was. Relentless.
Very cute, beautiful body, fun personality - in between when sure was convincing me to take another bite ;)
One day I noticed I was approaching my heaviest, when we mutually suggested she should be harder on me- to make sure the process of her turning me into a greedy fat pig went as fast as possible.
Literally, as she’s telling me that over kik-i drop my phone, and all my passwords, straight into a puddle -_-
After I found my feeder of sorts here it became much easier to pack it on, but it was so fast i felt guilty. I thought after we lost contact, and access to my accounts this phase of my life was over.
Oh was I wrong. She told me she would make me fat. She told me no matter what I did or how hard I fought it-i was going to be fat. Not just a little fat, 250+ fat. I never really believed or listened thinking that fantasy would fade in time.
Now it’s all I think about.
Even though we haven’t talked, I can’t slow down my eating. I can’t even try. I’m hungrier then ever and all of the time. I eat double size portions often and find myself eating huge meals when I was just aiming for a snack.
The closer I get to 212 the harder it is to stop eating..hopefully next week I jiggle more
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