bad bitch

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: How lame is it going to be when people just come to the conclusion that we're in bed with each other? We'll be the frauds of Twitter. I mean, you are the cutest girl so at least that much is true. And I adore you for living your best life! So long as you're being safe and all of that good stuff. Obviously you don't need me to lecture you. But don't hurt my friend!!

Ben: Honestly? I'm coming around to possibly changing my mind. Even if it's just a one time thing. Just to like, say I've done it, you know? Say I've actually had a random hookup.

Anna: Not lame at all because we're two hot bitches and they should be jealous as fuck. You're too pure and you need to learn how to stretch the truth when it comes to social media. And you're the cutest boy, so I see nothing wrong with this plan. Of course I'm being safe! Although it has been a while since I've had a hookup. I have been texting a smoking hot babe lately, so my luck may change soon enough.

Anna: Really? You don't feel peer pressured into it or anything, do you? I don't want to end up being some kind of after school special where I peer pressure you into hooking up with someone random just because.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙝𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙪𝙚 😍

Margot: That means I'm doing something right I guess, right? And you're cute as fuck doing that. Ramble away, I don't mind one bit.

Margot: A rom-com movie? Suddenly I wish I was there joining you two. What are you watching? I'll turn it on at my place and pretend I'm right there with you guys.

Anna: You're doing something right just by existing and looking the way you do. You sure you're willing to listen to my rambles? You may come to regret that once you experience one of my full on stoner rambles.

Anna: I wish you were here too. There's plenty of room in bed with us. We'd even let you be in the middle so you could get snuggled from both sides. We were watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. A true classic in my book.

[sardonicx-deactivated20221113]

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙝𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙪𝙚 😍

Margot: Oh my god, you're so fucking cute. Stop that. You have absolutely no reason to be nervous just reaching out to me, babe.

Margot: I'm doing wonderful, thank you. Even better now that I'm talking to you. How are you?

Anna: I may or may not be blushing now that you called me cute. You're a complete and total babe and I'm a dork who rambles endlessly when she's nervous.

Anna: I'm doing pretty fucking amazing right now. I'm texting pretty much the hottest woman in the world and I'm having a rom-com movie marathon with my roommate. Life is amazing.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: This is why we're in soulmates.

Ben: You're welcome to come over here and hide under the covers with me. Then I can brag to everyone about having a cute girl in my bed. Teach me how to be more like you, please. Like, am I broken? I'm twenty-six years old. I should be having fun! I should be hooking up with all the men! Leaving them on read! Playing with their HEARTS!!!!!!

Ben: But I simply... am not that guy.

Anna: You are my one and only soulmate in life.

Anna: Well then move over and make room for me. I'll be sure to tweet out to the world that I have the cutest and sweetest boy in bed next to me. I can feel all the jealousy pouring into my replies already. Of course you're not broken. You just value a deeper connection and you know exactly what you want. Me on the other hand, I'm exhausted of getting hurt or ghosted. So sleeping around and just having fun makes more sense for me.

Anna: I know. And I respect you for that. But at the same time, if you ever change your mind and want to have a random hookup, I will find you a hot guy to fuck.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙝𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙪𝙚 😍

Anna: I've tried typing out this text over a dozen times. Mainly because you're super hot and you make me nervous and I don't want to say something stupid.

Anna: But hello beautiful lady. I hope you're doing well and having a good night.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: I know you're next door, but I'm too lazy to get out of bed. Leave me be.

Ben: Anyway, I've been watching rom coms all day and have hit the point of self-pity and self-loathing. Once this is all over, let's get ourselves some arm candy. Realistically I'm on a search for my husband, but all the men I'm interested in have absolutely zero interest in commitment, so I'm just really shit out of luck here.

Anna: I'm always too lazy to get out of bed.

Anna: I'm kind of offended you didn't text me sooner and invite me into your bed for cuddles. Because I'm painfully single and I need to bitch and complain about all the cheesy couples in the movies. See I'm the opposite. I just want hot arm candy to hook up with and have fun with. Commitment is scary and I want no part of that.

[akendrickxo]

scrappylittlebitch: This guy making out with his car on My Strange Addiction gives a whole new definition to "car guys".

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: That's the most perfect comparison. Especially you, you are the absolute hottest. I pinky swear that I will never ever leave you ever. We are life partners and you're stuck with me through it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, you're stuck with me. Please tweet more salacious and racy but also relatable things, Anna. You are my outlet for all of that.

Ben: We have to go on a long trip because duh. We've both been cooped up in our homes for way too long. Let's take like a month long trip out there and hope we don't want to stay at the end of it. Should we develop our own pant ritual? Just to honor those girls and pay homage. We'd have no one to send them to but each other, but we can pop them in the mailbox every week or so. The only thing is that singing is a requirement. In this house, we sing regularly.

Anna: Can we just get our own spin-off show? I know they re-booted the show. But it would just be much better with us. And I pinky swear that I will never ever leave you. No other man could ever compare to you and you have the #1 place in my heart. I'll be sure to tweet a lot more often, just for you. Plus maybe the more I tweet about Gosling, the better chance I have at him noticing me.

Anna: You have no idea how down I am for this. A month long trip to Greece to live out all of our dreams sounds like heaven to me. Can we make it a pair of sweatpants? Because I haven't worn jeans in months and with the amount of quarantine weight I've put on, I'd rather not go back to jeans. Have you met me? I pretty much sing constantly. In fact, who needs to speak regularly when you can sing?

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: In that case, I think this can work out pretty well. We'll have all of our other side partners but still come back to each other at the end of the night because that's where the real love is. It's where we belong: in each others arms the the rest of our lives. But, to be fair, you were speaking for yourself and many of us in the world, too. Anna Kendrick: The Voice of the People.

Ben: YES. Please, that's all I've ever wanted. I just wanna run around all of Greece with all of the beautiful people and drink some Malibu and sing my heart out. Yes!!! That's a wonderful idea. I even have some delicious pinot grigio that I can whip out just for you, too. Let's just go all the way for it. We'll get wine drunk. We'll get a little high. Then we'll go live on Instagram for the world to see us at our worst. Or maybe it'll be our best?

Anna: We're like the modern day Will and Grace. But way hotter and cooler. You're not allowed to ever leave me because I'm very needy and I require you to be in my life forever. You speak the truth. I really am the voice of the people. I tweet what other people are afraid to tweet.

Anna: It's going to happen one day, I promise. As soon as it's safe again, we're going on vacation to Greece to live out our dreams. Not to mention, my mind also associates Greece with Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Because Lena was living the life with her hot Greek boy and I will forever be jealous of her. Ugh you know all the right things to say to me, babe. Wine drunk, weed, then Instagram live with you sounds like the perfect way tot spend my evening.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: I'm 100% gay but I'll still marry you as long as you're okay with my having boyfriends on the side of our marriage. Oh yeah... I know what Ryan Gosling does to you. I think the whole world knows what he does to you.

Ben: I can deal with a sail boat. Something like the one in the second Mama Mia. Can you find me a beautiful Grecian man to sing ABBA tunes with as well? I'm crying because I miss you! There are no asses to kick, except maybe your own for being out of my life for so long. Well... charming isn't the right word for it. Giggly? Silly? And all-around a hot mess? Those might be better words.

Anna: As long as I get to be married to you, I'm more than okay with you having boyfriends. Hell, I'll be having boyfriends or girlfriends on the side too. But you'll be my main squeeze who gets all of my love and affection always. Well I did bring that upon myself when I tweeted out to the world exactly what he does to me.

Anna: Can we just go to Greece and reenact all of Mamma Mia? Both the first and second one. I'm crying because I miss YOU. If you want, I can come over to keep you company and we can be quarantine buddies for a while. It's very lonely over here by myself and I miss my best friend/future husband. Giggly and silly are all apart of your charm though. You're an adorable human, Ben.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: Shush. I'll never forget you ever ever. All five foot two of you is completely unforgettable in the best way. You've left a lasting impression on me and you will forever be a part of my heart and soul.

Ben: Should I go find a boat to yell it from just like him too? Preferably one that won't sink. Sounds like an amazing routine and I love it for you. I can't imagine you're all that used to this much down time anymore. I'd say mine is about the same except with a lot more crying and a lot less weed. A lot of no weed on most days, actually. I've been doing a lot of live streams and such and I worry about acting *too* silly to thousands of people on the internet.

Anna: You say the sweetest things. Are you 100% sure you're gay or is there at least a sliver of a chance that I can marry you one day? Because no man will ever compare to you in my heart. Except maybe Ryan Gosling. For obvious reasons.

Anna: I'd say yes, but all the cruise ships would most definitely kick you off and arrest you for trespassing. Maybe we can find a nice little sail boat or row boat for you to yell from. Excuse me but why are you crying? Do I have to kick someone's ass for making you cry? Because I'll fucking do it. Just give me a name. Oh please, I'm sure you're still adorably charming even when you're high as hell.

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Ben: I'm sorry, who are you?

Ben: KIDDING! Kidding, Of course I remember you, my one and only queen of my world and in general, my everything. What's up? How are you? How are you handling isolation? Bored out of your mind yet?

Anna: Wow, all of a sudden you're Mr. Big Shot and you can't even remember who cheered you on when you were just starting out. I'll remember that.

Anna: If I'm your queen, then you're my king. King of my heart and also king of the world, just like Leo. I'm good! My isolation daily routine has been wake up, smoke some weed, eat breakfast, catch up on the news in the world via Twitter, then smoke some more weed, cry because of how much I miss you, followed by some more weed. So like, really not much out of the usual. How about you?

[akendrickxo]

𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 →𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙮 🌈

Anna: Hey bitch, remember me?

Anna: I miss you and I require your constant attention.