I'm halfway done with my oc's introduction for my creepypasta fanfic. And I wanted some of you guy's opinions, it's a mix of first person and third person.
Below is what I've finished, if there's any error in my writing tell me right away please!! PLEASE HELP ME 😭😭
Chapter 1
*First Person*
Living a life in college had been quite dull, waking up early every morning just to listen through boring classes, and be expected to remember every words that they spout out. On the sidelines I work as a cashier at a nearby fast food restaurant, which is also boring, taking customer orders, and having them complain to me every time something is wrong with their order, isn't the ideal way I would want to spend my weekend. I at least do average in my classes and get good grades.
But it wasn't always like this. Back in middle school I was bullied a lot because of my shyness and height, even though it wasn't my fault for them being a midget. As I grew and went through high school I became a bit resentful of myself for not fighting back but it wasn't my fault; I know it wasn't my fault I was like this. It was my dumb virtue to never be mean to anyone and stay respectful; that's just how I was raised, they never prepared me how cruel the world could be.
...I hated it but despite it all I stayed positive and became happy as I learned more about my interest like art and reading. And then in my first year of college studying psychology: which was in another country, I was at the top of the class, I wasn't struggling, I was happy but that only ever lasted for a decade of my life. I don't know why I felt this way, I still talked to my family despite being on the other side of the country, I had a friend who I hung out with so why did I feel this way...
I know I shouldn't really be feeling this was, I was happy, I AM HAPPY. Maybe it was because I was so far away from home, maybe it was because I barely had friends here. And then the incident happened, during a lecture I was called by a relative that the house has caught on fire and my family were injured and had a near death experience. I stopped what I was doing and immediately got the first flight straight back to my home country.
By the time I got back there they were just near deaths and were just recovering in the hospital. They were okay, but I still couldn't help but feel guilty for not being here to save them during the fire. I stayed for almost 2 months, when my father woke up from recovery he told me to go back to college since he didn't want me to fall behind my classes.
I tried to convince him it was okay but he insisted I go back, I relented and went back not after I made sure everyone was okay. After that it had gotten worst, I was agitated that I couldn't help more aside from graduating to help the family. I was mad, over nothing, it wasn't my fault and I know that BUT STILL!
I didn't know how to cope, I was mad that I was completely helpless and wasn't there to protect them during the attack. And so I made the most idiotic decision, to try and find these bastards that caused the fire. So during the end of my second year of college, my grades began to drop a bit since I had to juggle my studies and my secret investigation. It was tiring and time consuming, but it was all worth it because in just 5 months I finally some evidence...
Found a website where you get paid to assassinate people, I scrolled through countless of offered jobs and found one that was similar to a description of my family; "Paying 100000 US Dollars to assassinate this womans family along with after she didn’t save my wife making my life a mess. They survived the last assassination, those idiots failed my assignment so get them too if you can and I'll double my payment."
Oh…I think I have an idea of who this bastard is: Reese Miller, one of my mothers patient as her job as a doctor. What kind of lunatic is he!? He has been bombarding my mother at work that "she failed to be a doctor" for not being able to save his wife. When I get my hands on this bastard he will face a world of pain! It sounds so crazy but it's the truthBut still it wasnt enough evidence that it was him, but it was my only lead.
I went and told my aunt to report it to the police, telling her that it might be evidence that my family was hurt intentionally. The next day she told me the police wouldn't believe a word she said, calling her crazy and even said that 'Some assasination is highly unlikely; it has already been determined that the fire was an accident.' That rarely surprised me, the government is slowly just getting more and more lazy each day. I didn't know what to do, I wanted justice for my family, IT'S HIS FAULT THAT MY FAMILY ALMOST DIED!!
This was driving me mad, I sat on my bed for hours trying to think of a solution to bring justice to my family. They didn't deserve it... Slowly I got an idea, maybe I should expose this bastard, maybe I could give him what he deserves... 'No, no, no, NO! Kelina are you nuts! Are you trying to make your life worse!' I thought. 'No I have to do this..'
*Third person*
In the next few months she began preparing herself to go back and investigate the crime scene; to get some dirt heavy dirt on the guy, and get the justice her family deserved. For 3 months she prepared herself, tried to work out but was naturally weak, but again she had to keep working out until she could lift a metal bat she had in her dorm.
So now she was off to go and investigate; Reese Miller. She booked the earliest flight back to the Philippine her home country. The airport was packed despite it being 8:00 pm. She got in a line to get her suitcases checked, as it went through the scanner, the lady face looked at Kelina in confusion.
"Um, Maam? Theres a metal bat in one your suitcases, give me an explanation for bring this here or I'll have to call security."
Kelina looked up at the lady as she began opening up my suitcase to check the bat. Kelina then went on to explain in a composed demenor.
"Oh, um... Its a gift for my parents since recently our home got attacked and robbed. I just wanted them to have something to protect themselves with."
"Uh huh... I'll give it a pass, better not end up doing something illegal with it."
"Yes maam!"
The scanner lady then place it back and closed her suitcases before giving it back to her and calling the one next in line. Kelina walked to her boarding area and waited for her plane. It didn't take long for her plane to arrive, she got up along with other people and got in line again 'Seriously this was taking a long time.'
Kelina got to her seat on the plane and was sat next to some rowdy kid. 'Great this as gonna be a long flight...' The flight to the Philippines was excruciating, she was tapping her foot againt the floor which annoyed the mom a lil. Kelina was in constant worry of her family; 'What if someone tried to hurt them again..?'
After long hours of flight they eventually got there early morning. She got off the plane, got her suitcases, and went to get into a taxi. Kelina went to the hospital first to check on her family. When she got there, her little brothers were awake while her parents were still asleep.
"Oof..."
She exclaimed as she saw the sight of their conditions.
"Real mature, ate."
Her brother said, Milo who was the second oldest and only 16.
"Ate, did you bring any electronic?"
Her other brother asked, Keith who was 13, the families youngest.
"Yeah, yeah. When I heard all the electronics got destroyed I brought some. Ill buy your switches soon."
Kelina said a bit annoyed that they only cared about that. She knelt down to open her suitcase, the one with no bat so they don't start asking questions. She pulled out 2 phone boxes, a gift she prepared after the fire.
"I didn't know what to buy you two, so..."
She murmurs as she handed out the new phones.
"Whoa, how much money do you have?"
Keith asked as he happily took the phone.
"A decent amount, my online job does pay well."
She said as she continued to rummaged through the suitcase and gave them chocolates.
"I brought a lot of stuff for you guys, I'll leave some money so once you all get out, buy some new clothes and stuff."
Kelina said as she placed the suitcase next to their bed, she then went over to a lounge chair and flopped down on itsleep, she then said before closing her eyes:
"Now shush, I need some sleep."
Milo ever the more observant one out of the two of brothers, squinted at his sister as he ate his chocolate.
so I'm trying to make a Creepypasta fanfic since lately I just joined and have so many ideas, I just want some of yalls opinion of my writing if its okay ^W^
"Living a life in college had been quite dull, waking up early every morning just to listen through boring classes, and be expected to remember every words that they spout out. On the sidelines I work as a cashier at a nearby fast food restaurant, which is also boring, taking customer orders, and having them complain to me every time something is wrong with their order, isn't the ideal way I would want to spend my weekend. I at least do average in my classes and get good grades."
NEKOOOOOO dont quit I am begging you dont leave us out to dry, dont listen to them haters PLEASE!!! Neko if you see this just know you've made a bunch of people happy with the game The Freak Circus, its so amazing I could tear up like right now. Please Neko you are so wonderful, you made me so happy this past weeks of playing your game over and over, and also the good part of the fandom have been such an enjoyable bunch.
You have to listen to us good part of the fandom that you should not listen to the harassment you have been getting, you should'nt listen to them, it just makes them win. YOU CAN'T LET THEM WIN, I know words can hurt so much, I've seen it affect so many people and they quit their passion because of it and all of those times I've stayed silent because I was a coward. BUT NOT YOU, I dont want to lose such a great creator like you Neko, you can't leave us. Listen to us, we love your work and you, if you need time off, please go and rest, but don't quit.
Neko your work is so amazing and it makes me so happy, I know I sound obsessed but I am obsessed in a good way. Neko HEAR OUR CRIES.
If this sounds rude and I seem like I am harassing you then I am so sorry if it seems like I am. I genuinely love your work and you, Neko.
Edit:
Sorry if I scared anyone, I have just been seeing a lot of people say that Neko was getting harrased and might quit because of it. I just joined this fandom and am completely in love with the game, characters, and lore. I panicked so much, I couldn't stop myself and just did this because I was so scared he might actually quit because of people harassing him. Sorry again for scaring anyone because I panicked.