[akonaman]

Hindi talaga ko pala bili sa karinderya kase mas mura pag ikaw magluluto. Tapos bumili ako kanina ng sisig, taena 85 pesos 1/4 lang ng daliri ko 😭. Anoyonnnn. Di na ko updated sa presyo ng lutong ulam. Yung tokwa na ulam ko kase lagi nung OJT ako 25 pesos lang pero ang dami na. What iz thiz. Pero hindi ko din naman masisisi yung nagtitinda kase they are just trying to make a living. Pero helllooooo. Pilipinas ano na. Hindi lang to about sa sisig.

[akonaman]

Buti pa tong ka date ko laging sobrang appreciative. Nag jolens lang kami uli sa labas ng church kase exciting yun sa kanya and ang dami niyang laro na naiisip. Ice cream date kanina sa 7/11, nung nagutom siya jollibee then yesterday sa murang coffee shop. Picking flowers outside sabay takbo pag may nakatingin. Hayaan mo ally pag malaki ka na, travel na gagawin natin. Hindi tayo hanggang dito lang, pangako.

[akonaman]

si patricia.

[akonaman]

Taming your demons takes a lot of effort, you have to get out of bed. Get some sun, do something that excites you, exercise, take meds, learn to affirm yourself, share your progress once a month, then try to survive again. If there is one thing i’ll beg from God, it’s healing. But how could healing be possible if you’ll have to deal with your own mind for the rest of your life? I think that’s the tricky part. But i’ll stay anyway.

[akonaman]

Because i missed you a little bit more today Inay. 🤍

I hope you visit me in my dreams. Madami na kong isusumbong na alam kong “ay naku duday” na naman yung sasabihin mo kase apaka tigas ng ulo ko. Haha. I love youuuu and misss you till eternity. Sana kasing ganda kita pag tumanda ako.

[akonaman]

Sana kase pwede sa social media yung slack emojis 😭. Likeeeee jaiuzisksnbxbsjsks. As someone na hirap na hirap sa kung anong irereact. HAHAHHA. Or baka dahil adik na ko kakawork hinahanap ko na yung gumagalaw na emoji kase bida bida ako. ✨

Highlight of my day iz diz. She got me flowerssss😭. Excited pa siya na pinagmamalaki sakin ni ally na mom i already got you flowers huhu. Nung birthday ko kase nagdadrama ako sa kanya na i want flowers and purple cake. Tapos nanghihingi ako sa kanya then inaasar ko siya na “she doesn’t have money” haha eh asar talo siya kaya naiinis. Tapos kanina napa pout na lang ako kase sobrang naappreciate ko na naalala niya yung gusto ko. 😭. Tapos yung mga barya barya ko na minsan saang lupalop sa bahay nakakalat iniipon nya dahil bibilhan niya daw ako ng purple cake.😭 Sweetest of them all naman yan. I’ve never been loved like this before Lord. Na guilty tuloy ako sa pang aasar ko. I’ll buy myself a purple cake bukas para di naman sayang effort niya 😭. Okay ang dami kong dada. I want to remember this hanggang pumuti yung buhok ko. Kase Lord what do you meannnnn this kid will be the love of my life. 😭. OKAY IYAK ULI. 🥹

[akonaman]

Ang decent naman ng suot ko kanina, naka tshirt at di naman ako naka pekpek short. Tapos yung tricycle driver na mukhang may sampung anak na jombag kung maka sit sit and saying “taxi” na di ako tinigilan hanggang sa kabilang kanto kala mo may maooffer pang magandang bagay sa mundo. Kung may tao lang kanina sa kalsada pinakyuhan kita. Napaka aga mang bwisit paputukin ko yang betlog mo.

[fromhersoul]

[akonaman]

This week i only want the Lord to give me all the strength to survive this week. I got 7 cases with low-high risk profiles na manually ko ina update with 3 mediums. Super back and forth plus mga meeting na oo lang naman ako ng oo pero di ko din alam bakit kailangan kasali pa ko. Maya mayang dms ni madam dahil di niya alam yung sarili niyang trabaho. At mga sunod na sunod na pahingi ng data na ganito, ganyan. Pero i am grateful naman na hindi na ganun kababa yung tingin nila samin. Monday palang tired na ang ferson. Sooo i cooked a buldak kase i felt like i wanna die again. Just thoughts i am not really welcoming today but i know it exists. Had a date with Ally yesterday before work and double purpose yung paglalaro outside church and just praying silently. I hope life will be gentle with me, I’m just a 30 yr old teenager. 😭

[akonaman]

Sobrang ganda ng sunset kanina kase sobrang lakas ng alon for me, or oa na naman ako. Pero ang sarap sa ears ng tunog nakaka relax and comforting siya after a stressful week. Ang sayaaaa huminga today ganun. Then we just play outside the church and kulitan lang answering her why’s na sobrang walang tigil haha. Then went to a vietnamese kinda resto and tried their pho and stir fried noodles and grabe authentic siya dahil vietnamese talaga yung chef nila kaso natapon ko yung konting sabaw. Then the stir fried was so-so feel ko kaya ko siyang lutuin eme. This day felt like a reset for me. And soooo grateful for this rest dahil i deserve it. Bukas kase mag gegeneral cleaning na naman ako and mag dedeclutter.

I have this song on repeat and it’s sooo good ✨

[akonaman]

Asked her to take a picture of everything she loves kase may meeting ako yesterday and tho quiet and behave na siya pag may meeting ako kase very considerate na siya, she still listened to me. And here we go, all the cherished plushies na sobrang mahal na mahal niya. I know these are just pictures but this is how she view it. This is her childhood. 🤍

And yeah it was 50% off HAHA.

[akonaman]

Kanina pa ko iyak ng iyak sa Wonderful Nighmare na yan! Poging pogi ako kay Gerald Napoles hanep. Yung character niya tipong papakasalan mo talaga eh kahit mahirap ang buhay. It’s just a movie pero that character is the standard. Atleast for me.

Tska iyak ako ng iyak as a mom. If i were in her situation in my reality right now, kahit sobrang hirap, nakakapagod,laging puyat, i will choose to be a mom over and over again in every lifetime. I love it soooo much and super worth it 🥹

[akonaman]

Luxury na for me ang makapag breakfast outside and tumawa mag isa while watching IG reels and tiktok. Tapos waiting na lang kay ally makalabas ng school. After that, i clean the house and cook. Take a bath and login to work. Then at night watching lang ng maraming stars na hindi ko naman ma capture sa phone. Mag bedtime routine, uminom ng meds at matulog. And with everything i was doing the entire day, around 5k-10k steps halos everyday with kettlebell workout pag lunch break. These are mere routines but i know my body is healing. ❤️‍🩹

[akonaman]

Sobrang na eenjoy ko yung energen as my dinner everynight. Hindi kase lasang karton yung oats niya and sobrang comforting niya after a stressful day at work. Tapos i am always looking forward to my fluffy pink blanket na parang niyayakap ako everynight. Anddddd my salonpas at the back myghad gusto ko bigyan ng medal kung sino mang nakaisip ng salonpas. Tapos romanticizing my skincare routine na skinwhite and aloe vera na galing sa ref. Grabe life is sooo good.

Trentahin diaries here we go.

[akonaman]

Sobrang maulan today and tinamad na kami lumabas so gawa gawa na lang kami ng cake kunwari. Tawa lang kami ng tawa sa kalokohan namin. Ilang beses nya din tinry i blow yung candle pero dang hina eh haha. Ganito pala pag trenta kana wala ka ng pake sa celebration but sobrang grateful for another year to live. I hope my younger me is somehow proud of how far we’ve come. I missss mama’s spaghetti, biko and hamonado :< . For the past years, ngayon na lang din ako nabati ni tatay and i wanna cry. I promise to celebrate tomorrow. 🥂

[akonaman]

My clinician and i was checking kung ano yung root cause why i was sooo cautious in making friends kase i got zero active friends right now. Feeling ko weird yun para sa kanya. Haha. Then i was trying to remember how did i end up being like this. I don’t remember half of my life but that there was distinct memory in childhood na Laine was my bestfriend and one day ayaw niya ng makipaglaro sakin kase yung cousin ko, same sila ng interest and hobbies. I know i was hurt that time cause i only have her. From then on wala na kong naging close friends. Buttt in highschool i only have one, which is bestfriend ko pa rin naman hanggang ngayon, but yung crush ko, nagustuhan siya. HAHHAH. So parang i was not being chosen again? Then si N naman na 5 years kami, but he confessed na ang preference niya daw eh si H na pinaka close ko naman sa college. Then yung papa naman ni Ally, nag cheat using his TL pero tl din naman ako that time?

Parang na rewire na ata yung utak ko na hindi ako lagi yung pinipili. I was the second choice, the maybe, the not now, maybe next time? Then she asked me what do you feel whenever you experience that from someone you deeply love? Sabi ko, i get hurt but it made me feel that it was normal? That maybe that’s just how life should be, hindi ka yung laging pipiliin, there is always someone better than you. Kaya i don’t fear ppl leaving me pag nasa ulirat ako. But she explained to me that i have to really learn how to not rely my worth to ppl that i love. Tapos yun na naman siya sa “What if you were not being chosen because you’re being redirected”. No matter how many times i hear it from her, mahirap pala siya HAHA.

Oh Lord i love CBT 🤍

[akonaman]

Sabi ng Psychiatrist ko very good daw ako dahil nagstart na ko mag walking and hit atleast 5k-10k steps errday. Then he suggested na mag kettlebell workout din daw ako. Gym sana kaso wala na me time huhu. Ang mahal magpagamot pero ilalaban.

Sometimes my self worth is tied to competence so i was thinking if i’ll go na sa gusto nila, pero sige go na. Then may CEO sa linkedIn na nag pm sakin for a Compliance Operations Specialist pero i’m wondering bakit hindi HR yung nag reach out? Tska US company kase and startup. Parang i have to start something from ground up. Too risky.

Ayoko na mag tiktok haha puro astrology na yung nasa feed ko. Na curious ako and since my 7th house is gemini, and since it was ruled by Mercury which was in Retrogade when i was born, my relationships has to go through loops daw. Ngayon ko lang din nalaman na i was born while may Mercury Retrogade. Just interesting. Sometimes it make sense, para kong nagsosolve ng puzzle lol. Alam ko na tuloy lahat ng ruler ng 12 houses ko. Di naman ako mashadong naniniwala sa Astrology buuuutttt well deepwell, curiosity ✨

Nagugulat na lang ako sa mga kalokohan ni ally recently. Sabihan ba naman akong “mom i’ll fart on your birthday”. “Mom i’ll crack you like an egg”. Natatawa na lang ako kase she’s really trying to make me laugh and natatawa naman ako. Di ko alam san nya natutunan yun. 😭

I see ppl here just genuinely living their lives and sharing vulnerable parts of who they are that “maybe” they couldn’t openly share somewhere else. Then suddenly, that freedom will be taken away because of creeps lurking. Wala ng safe space kahit saan ang mga babae. 🙁