the hostess with the mostess

my momma always said if I break one heart than that's one too many

[heda-cora-blog]

"Who said I am too old for bubbles?" 

[alabamastew]

No one. Ever. Bubble on!

[naomitf-deactivated20161227]

"You know, if you keep staring that long I’m gonna have to assume you’re checking me out."

[alabamastew]

I ain't ever seen a booty like that

[alabamastew]

Text @ Navin

Navin: Do you ever think about whether or not Voldemort was a virgin when he died?

Alabama: I mean, looking like a burn victim can't get you too far with the ladies, can it?

[rorypng]

You could say that. So what now goldie? Does your cereal taste good with milk’s half brother?

[alabamastew]

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think I'm to something. Whole grain cereal with a bit of spunk, who woulda thought.

[cxanaan]

It’s not that bad. It’s just… yeah. It’s pretty bad. It’s cute though. I’m sure there will be someone out there who thinks it’s the most adorable name ever and becomes your BFF because of it.

A pro at showing innocent hearts mercy. A pro at being a cool human being. Bow down.

[alabamastew]

I don't think I want someone who thinks 'Alabama' is the most adorable name ever as my best friend. I don't think I would like their personality much. Honestly? I was conceived there. My parents thought it was romantic, of course my mom was 17 when she named me, also she's a bit of a nut bar.

And what if slowly I admit you're breaking my heart? Then what does that make you?

[hbulexih-deactivated20150401]

I don’t see why not.

[alabamastew]

I guess I didn't really need permission, I just wanted reassurance of some sort.

[rorypng]

Chocolate milk is like Milk’s half brother. Yes you can, It is still milk.

[alabamastew]

Yeah, the cool half brother that will buy alcohol and take you to parties to get laid.

[cxanaan]

You could be the next Hannah Montana with a name like that! I mean—ahem, sorry, it’s just kinda funny. That one show… the show with the late night yeehaw and such, right?

I must be a pro at this.

[alabamastew]

It's a ridiculous name. Some people think it's cool. Some people don't. I mean, it's.. stupid. I would legally change it but it's part of who I am.That's the one. 

A pro at what exactly?

[alabamastew]

Can I substitute chocolate milk for milk in my bowl of shreddies?

[ftjuliusmaureau]

There’s nothing more hilarious than seeing soccer moms start getting all embarrassed because they realize they’ve seen me half naked as I take my son to school. Like, yeah, you’ve seen me in underwear, congratulations, now stop getting in my way because I don’t want my kid to be late.

[alabamastew]

Maybe it's not so much uncomfortable-ness as feeling turned on.

[annietbh-blog-blog]

I tweeted about my love for Charli XCX and now fans on Twitter are sending me edited photos of the two of us. A few are pornographic. I’m kind of into it.

[alabamastew]

I gotta say, the talent of those fans is so unbelivable

[zoeyctbh]

"I want to say yes but I just got here, and everybody either seems to be drinking and bored, moaning about not drinking or just bored…so no, I guess not." 

[alabamastew]

I'm just waiting for the drugs to kick in.

[zoeyctbh]

"Fair enough. So…Tits McGee, are you enjoying the party?"

[alabamastew]

Not really, but is anyone?

[gcnerr]

That’s such a random name, why would you do that?

[alabamastew]

Because every night after my co-host says "I'm Kyle Winters" then I can say, "And I'm Tits Mcgee. Thank you for joining us"

[cxanaan]

That’s true… but I still don’t know your name so you remain a stranger to me. You’re not a total stranger, I recognize your face from somewhere — television, I think — but a stranger nonetheless.

I’d like to think that I don’t. But I can’t really be the judge of that.

[alabamastew]

I'm Alabama. Alabama Stewart. It's a nightmare of a name but, you get used to it. And yes, you're right, I'm on television. I'm a journalist of sorts. Not really. I'm a talk show host. It's not the same thing.

Well, so far so good. No broken hearts.

[zoeyctbh]

"I don’t know whether I’m in awe or worried."

[alabamastew]

You're in awe, trust me you're very much in awe.

[zozeebo]