Occupation: Boxing instructor & part time paramedic
Preferred Pronouns & Gender: she/her & cis-female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Hometown & length of time in Briar Ridge: Briar Ridge, SC. Moved away shortly after high school, came back for 2 years in 2016, and then just recently returned this year
Trigger Warnings: parental death, postpartum depression, insensitivity to mental health struggles, heart attack
Alara Kaplan is the only daughter of a single father and a mother who left her family when Alara was just six months old. Because of this, Alara has never been very good at allowing anyone to see her vulnerabilities. She puts up a rough front to mask the fear she constantly feels of being abandoned. After finally tracking down her mother 9 years ago, only to lose her to a heart attack shortly after, Alara's walls grew even thicker. She came back home to lick her wounds, only to leave again two short years later, when she caught herself developing deeper feelings for her boyfriend than she was comfortable with. The young woman has spent the last six years in Australia, and only returned to Briar Ridge when she got the news that her father had passed away. As she wraps up his affairs and deals with the guilt of not coming home sooner, she's not sure if she'll ever put the pieces of her broken heart back together again.
Eymen Kaplan moved to small town America shortly after graduating from high school on what was supposed to be a gap year, but quickly turned into a life choice. Heir to Kaplan Jewels, he grew up as the oldest son of a very successful mineral mining family from Turkiye. But Eymen desired the simpler things in life, he never wanted to take over a multi-million dollar company.
So when he moved to Briar Ridge, South Carolina, he was hooked by the small town pace of life and charm. Not to mention by the woman who would eventually become Alara’s mother. Eymen fell fast and hard for Ashlihan and for several years, everything seemed perfect. He was building the dream for himself with a community that he adored and a woman that he loved.
That all came to a screeching halt when Ashlihan’s period was two months late. Several pregnancy tests later and she finally came to accept that she was in fact pregnant. Eymen was thrilled, it was just part of the natural progression of their relationship for him. Ashlihan, not so much. It wasn’t until she was pregnant with one that she realized how much she didn’t want to have children. With unresolved trauma from seeing her mother die while trying to give birth to Ashlihan’s youngest sibling, the pregnancy was a terrifying and harrowing experience for Ashliah.
After an extremely complicated and difficult pregnancy, Alara was finally born. She came so quickly, they didn’t even have time to get to an actual hospital in the next closest city, instead she came into the world kicking and screaming at Turner’s Family Practice.
In the months that followed Alara’s birth, Ashlihan really struggled. Her postpartum depression made it hard for her to connect with her daughter and her husband just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just love their daughter, why she didn’t love being a mom. It caused the rift between them that had been slowly growing ever since Ashlihan found out she was pregnant to become a huge chasm.
Eventually, when Alara was six months old, Ashlihan left. With a note on the fridge simply saying “I can’t do this anymore” Eymen was left alone with a six month old and no clue how to raise her.
But what he lacked in maternal instincts, Eymen made up for with love and sheer willingness to try. He did his best, raising a daughter as a single parent, but Alara spent a lot of time with Eymen’s best friend’s family, who was also a fisherman.
Alara loved her childhood, but there was always a part of her haunted by the fact that her mother abandoned her. Eymen couldn’t and wouldn’t talk about her at all, the only reason Alara even knew her mother had left of her own volition was because she eavesdropped on a conversation one time between Eymen and his best friend. It created a rough exterior on the young girl, not wanting to let people around her get too close before she knew if she could trust them or not.
As soon as she graduated from high school, Alara took off. Armed with her mother’s name that she’d managed to convince her father’s best friend’s wife to tell her, because her father still wouldn’t, she left Briar Ridge in pursuit of something bigger, and better than the small town could offer her. And maybe, just maybe she’d find her mother.
During this time, Alara traveled around the U.S., picking up odd jobs here and there in order to provide for herself. Shortly after leaving Briar Ridge, she’d stumbled upon a boxing gym and the woman quickly fell in love. Not only was she hooked on the endorphins she received through the exercise, but the feeling of being able to protect herself as a woman traveling and living alone. From then on, wherever Alara moved to, the first thing she would look for was a boxing gym.
In 2015, Alara found a lead on her mother. When she introduced herself and explained who she was to Ashlihan, the woman had a heart attack. Alara called 911 and the paramedics who responded literally saved her mother’s life. It was during the ride in the ambulance to the hospital, where Alara watched them work, that a newfound passion was born in the young woman. As her mother healed, Alara went through the training and certification to become a paramedic herself. She got to spend less than a year with her mother before a second heart attack took her away. Alara was devastated, couldn’t cope with losing her mother for a second time, so she went back to Briar Ridge, to her father in the hopes of picking up the pieces of her broken heart.
While she was back home, Alara learned about and joined a local motorcycle club. She had always loved riding motorcycles, and had one herself, so it seemed like a natural choice. And it was in this motorcycle club that the woman found her real family, outside of her father. They might not be related by blood, but these are some of the people she loved most in the world. With her skills as a paramedic, the club would often send injured members to her instead of to the hospital for fear of stereotyping and raising suspicion.
But when Alara found herself in a relationship with Emil Moreno, someone she’d had a long term crush on and found herself falling deeper and deeper for him, Alara ran scared. She bought a ticket to Australia, quite possibly the furthest place from Briar Ridge, for what was supposed to be a short trip, but once there, sent Emil a text that simply said, “Don’t think I’m coming back. Wish you the best.” And hadn’t been heard from since.
Five years passed, and suddenly Alara was forced to return to Briar Ridge again. This time, for her father's funeral. The one person she loved most in the world and Alara was too stubborn to come back home to see him, assuming that he would eventually get better. But he didn't. He passed away a year ago. Alara returned for the funeral and then promptly fled town again, only returning now to deal with her father's belongings. Now, she has to deal with the consequences of her stubbornness and unwillingness to show vulnerability. Not getting to say goodbye to her father in person has wrecked her, and she’s not quite sure how she’ll recover this time.
Kit looked over at her as she was halfway through her spiel. Not because he was finally interested, but because her words were resonating with him in a way he couldn't comprehend. He had no siblings so no one was really able to feel the way he did about his father passing.
"The things I would do to have gotten a father like yours. Mine, on the other hand, I mean, he did do things that eventually benefitted me as an adult but it took becoming a father myself to see that. To really understand him," he nodded, gaze turning back towards the wave again. He had closed the notebook on his pen and set it aside, arms curling up around the knees he had bent in front of him.
"I think one of this biggest things that I still don't understand about him is why he was so mean. I have four kids of my own and even if they robbed a bank, I don't think I could ever bring myself to yell at them or call them names. My father was just so harsh with his words. Did you know he plotted with my ex-boyfriend to drag me into rehab? Couldn't even have the decency of inviting me over and just having an intervention. He literally paid my ex-boyfriend to lure me into a public meeting place where they put me in a blacked-out SUV and took me to rehab," he shook his head.
Then it took a moment and he let out a little laugh. A pathetic little laugh. "And the funniest part, really, it was hilarious. He paid the tabloids to keep the news out of the media, knowing he'd put the news all out in the open to begin with!"
His voice had raised just slightly, but he wasn't quite yelling yet, either. He let out another little breath and shook his head. "But, man, I still replay a voicemail of his when I miss him sometimes."
Alara winced at his words, his explanation of what his dynamic had been like with his father. She'd always known she had been fortunate with who Allah gave her as a father, but hearing the stark contrast between her experience and his, was yet another harsh reminder of how much she had taken it for granted while her father was alive. Her arms tightened around her knees, not in defense, but in quiet solidarity.
“That’s… a lot,” she said softly after a beat, her gaze still on the horizon. “I can’t even imagine what that felt like, to be ambushed like that. To have the people who were supposed to love you most handle it in such a cruel way.”
Her voice went quieter, gentler, though there was an undercurrent of steel in it. “It doesn’t make you weak, though, to still miss him. Or to replay those voicemails. It just makes you human. You’re allowed to hold both things at once, that he hurt you, and that you still miss him." Without much intention, her shoulders raised in a haphazard shrug, as if she didn't fully understand it, didn't know how to handle both things, that she was learning too.
“For what it’s worth, though, I think your kids are lucky as hell." Finally, she glanced sideways at him, offering the smallest of smiles, sad but sincere. "Because it seems like you’re already trying to break the cycle he left you with."
She smiled at her cousin and pulled her closer to her with a satisfying grin. While stubbornness were in their genes, Selin liked to think that they also were connected in a way that would prevent these fights from continuing much longer, purely out of need to have each other in their lives. It was surely why they hadn't fought before this very moment. Though that alone should have been an indication that Alara was going through something far deeper.
"çıkar onu" Selin spoke softly before she fell silent and allowed Alara to cry the tears she needed to release. It was evident that she'd been holding onto this for long and her conversation with Civan had only confirmed that the remorse had eaten her enough to speak of it to others.
"Shh. No more apologies. There isn't anything to forgive." Alara hadn't been herself and while the act had taken her by surprise, she was adamant in believing that Alara would have never gone through with the act and it was purely a mistake from a moment of pain. "You need to give yourself more credit. I don't believe you know how important you are to me, and Leyla, or Billie. Bütün ailemiz. We may fight, and you can run, but you will never be alone. I'll hunt you down," Selin started to laugh as she wiped the tears on her cousin's cheek with her thumb.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I should have known that there was something going on."
For a moment, at her cousin's comforting words, Alara only cried harder. She didn't feel like she deserved Selin's forgiveness, let alone how gracious she was being right now. But after a moment of letting it all out, she felt the tears begin to slow and she was able to look up at Selin. “I don’t deserve you hunting me down, Selin. Not after the way I’ve treated you. But I- I can’t tell you how much it means that you still would.” She shook her head, as if she couldn’t believe how undeserving she felt of such fierce loyalty.
“I was so afraid you’d never look at me the same, that I’d ruined everything. And without you, I don’t know who I’d even be.” She didn’t move away at first, pressing her forehead to Selin’s shoulder like she could hide there for just a little longer. “I’ll try. I promise I’ll try to stop running, even when it’s messy and hard. Because I don’t want to lose this—lose you. I couldn’t survive it either.”
Pulling back just enough to meet Selin’s eyes, Alara gave a wobbly smile through the last of her tears. “You’re too good to me, Selin. But thank you. For still being here. For being… you.”
It was the conversation that no two friends should ever have to have, but given that they were both living in the same small town and both had been away from it for so long, it somehow seemed inevitable that there would be a crossover. The thing that hurt Lia about it now, was that it seemed to be hurting her friend.
"I can't say what he wants because I genuinely don't know. I don't know what he needs or anything, but I do think, as your friend, that you owe it to yourself to get some sort of closure." Squeezing her hand again before she dropped it, Lia fixed her gaze on Alara. "I'm not saying this because I think you owe him an apology, but it can't be easy on you to carry this around. I just want what's best for you."
She watched then as Alara seemed to contemplate her question and even before she spoke, Lia knew the answer. It was an impossible situation. She cared for Alara and they had been friends for a long time. But Emil was one of the reasons she had her true smile back on her smile and why her sunshine was back.
Nodding, Lia forced a smile onto her face. If nothing else, she was grateful for the honesty. "Thank you for being honest. I do want to say that I'm sorry. I never wanted to have either of us in a situation like this." Brushing a hand through her hair for no other reason than she needed something to do, Lia took a deep breath. "Matching the honesty, I don't know what to do here, Lary." Finally looking at her again, Lia shrugged her shoulders. "The idea of doing anything that hurts you is the worst feeling, but he.." She trailed off, not wanting to say something that would just further rub salt in the wound. "If he and I do work out.. Is that going to cause issues for us?"
She nodded along at Lia's words, realizing that her her friend had hit the nail on the head more than she probably knew. All this time, she'd never allowed herself to close that chapter because she'd never properly dealt with the emotions. It was time to finally try to do so.
Her eyes lifted to Lia's, an appreciation and warmth in her gaze that went beyond words. "Thanks, dost." Alara had long ago taught Lia the word, as she had always felt like she could be more expressive in Turkish than English. Maybe it was because less people around her understood her, so it put her in a less vulnerable state.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Li." She quickly shook her head at Lia's apology. "This is a me problem. Not you. I'll-" she swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, knowing that if she said this out loud, it meant she had to commit to it and not just run away to avoid dealing with the emotions it would evoke. But her relationship with Lia meant that much to her. She knew now that she had to do it. "I'll figure it out. I can't make any promises about when, but I'll deal with it so that this doesn't come between us, I promise." With that she reached out and returned the gesture her friend had given her just moments before, squeezing Lia's hand reassuringly.
Send a 💔 for a breakup song from my muse’s playlist
Her normal favorite song to listen to when she's going through a break up is, I Don't F*ck With You by Jay Sean. However, when she walked out on Emil, there were quite a few showers with Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith playing to drown out her sobs. @emilmoreno
Send a 🔥 for a song that always gets them motivated
Literally nothing gets her more pumped up than Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin. When she's warming up at the gym, it is almost always blasting in her headphones.
Sebastian appreciated her kind words, his grin remaining as he felt a bead of sweat trickle down the side of his face. She was prettier up close, and it was hard not to let his pride get in the way of interacting with her. He could feel his cheeks begin to warm, a bit shy to receive her compliment. Still, he tilts his head with a grin and nods, thanking her as he tries to grapple with whether or not her gesture was genuine or out of pity. And now he was suddenly nosy, peering over at the others for a brief moment. Who wasn't new, and who was he better than? "That's very considerate of you," he says with a charming grin. "I appreciate you coming over to personally say hi. Is that something you do to everyone you find promising, or just to ones that are, 'arguably', tall, dark, and handsome?" He's mostly joking, but... whatever, right? Why not?
“Hmm.” Alara shook her head, laughter spilling easily from her lips as she gave him a deliberately slow once-over before meeting his gaze again. Her brow arched almost of its own accord before she finally quipped, “Calling yourself the stereotypical ‘perfect man’ is a bold move, Sebastian.” She let the words linger, like she might cut him down a notch, before her smile curved wider. “But… I suppose it’s not entirely inaccurate.”
The grin tugged at her lips, betraying how much she was enjoying their back-and-forth. “Survive another couple classes, and maybe I’ll let you know if you’re actually getting special treatment.”
Alara was starving. After a full 12 hour shift at the station and then leading a couple classes at the rec center thanks to a scheduling mishap that was entirely her own fault, she was dead on her feet. All she wanted, was to get home, take a nice long shower to ease her aching muscles, and then drown her sorrows in Chinese food while she binge watched her favorite trashy reality tv. Currently, there was only the wait while her food was being prepared standing in her way.
She was sitting at a small table, airpods in and mindlessly scrolling her phone when she noticed a to go order being placed on the counter by the cash register. She hadn't heard her name being called, but with her airpods in, it would have been easy to miss it. Rising to her feet, she smiled her thanks to a confused looking waitress before scooping up the take away bag and beginning to head for the exit.
Here's a music related ask meme to hopefully get the creative juices flowing!
Please ensure to send at least one ask to everyone who is participating for each of their characters!
Send a 🎵 for a song about a specific time in my muse's life (specify the incident)
Send a 🎼 for a random song from my muse's playlist
Send a 🎊 for a party song from my muse's playlist
Send a 😘 for a song my muse likes to have sex to
Send a 💖 for a song that makes me think of our characters (specify who)
Send a 🔥 for a song that always gets them motivated
Send a ❤️ for a love song from my muse's playlist
Send a 💔 for a breakup song from my muse's playlist
Send a ✨ for a song that reminds my muse of someone
Send a 🕺 for a song that is guaranteed to make my muse get up and dance
Send a 😁 for a song that always cheers my muse up
Send a 😢 for a song my muse listens to when they're sad
Send a 💞 for my muse to explain what their favorite music genre is
Send a 🎤 for my muse's go to karaoke song
Send a 🏋️♀️ for a song my muse loves to listen to at the gym
He wasn't ready either, a fact Emil was entirely sure of the second her voice wavered with emotion and the age old urge to reach for Alara made his hand twitch awkwardly. It left him with a quiet unease. Listening felt a bit like watching a trainwreck, frozen in place. All he could do was try to remember how to breathe.
A part of his subconscious had at least been wise enough that Emil absently shuffled aside, just enough to be out of the way if someone else emerged from the bar.
Her emotions sounded raw and earnest, but her words stirred some irritability in the man. Again. "Don't..." he licked his lips and Hercules followed at his heels as the man took a daring step across the sand in Alara's wake. "I understand it might've felt like that, that you might've been afraid... but please, don't talk like you know. Like it's fact. We never had this talk. You never gave me the chance to reassure you, to get there." She had a head start, it's true. For a long time in their youth he was too wrapped up in Amaia to fully see her.
"Alara... I," he took a breath. "I'm sorry you felt that way but I... I mean, hell I told Lia that when you and I got together I thought it was fate." Emil scoffed. "After Amaia, after how long it'd taken me to give up on her. I know that had to be hard for you, but once we were together I just... I thought I was so lucky. That the stars aligned, an' I finally got things right."
Everything had clicked into place. The moments they'd shared, their prom dance, and the times Alara had been his secret confidant. "And then... one day, you were just gone. I was entirely blindsided. You left me Alara. After the divorce, after that awful custody battle... I had hope again with you and it was gone in an instant." So no, he didn't take a smidgen of solace in her supposedly hurting herself more.
"I spent so much time missing you, worrying about you... I couldn't round a corner in this godforsaken town without something reminding me of you."
Alara heard the frustration in his voice instantly. Just one word—and it was enough. Even after all these years apart, she was still so attuned to him, to the shifts in his tone, the weight behind his silence, the tension in his body. And now, standing here, it hit her like a punch to the chest.
She had made a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake that she had brought this up, that she had started this conversation. But in believing, back then, that he would never get there with her. It was a mistake that she had let her fear of being vulnerable, her fear of caring so much about a person that she was handing them the power to hurt her scare her off when she had thought her feelings for Emil had been deeper than his.
She wished more than anything she could go back and shake some sense into her past self. Because looking at him now, at the expression on his features, the frustration in his voice, it was clear, he was telling the truth. And that was devastating.
Her lips parted, but nothing came out. The tightness in her throat made it hard to breathe, let alone speak.
"Allah'ım!” she finally whispered, her voice hoarse with disbelief as she yanked a hand through her hair. “I thought I was protecting myself. That if I built up enough walls, I’d be safe. That if I kept my distance, I wouldn’t get hurt. But I-" Her chest rose sharply as she inhaled, her arms wrapping around herself. “But all I did was trap myself. I built those walls so high I locked myself away from what might’ve been the one love I’d never get over.”
She turned toward him fully now, the vulnerability in her eyes no longer masked by alcohol or distraction. Just regret. Deep, aching regret.
"I'm sorry I was so focused on me, and trying to protect myself, that I didn't see what you were going through. That I abandoned you, after everything with Amaia-" she cut herself off, shaking her head in angry disbelief at herself. She had been there for him as he had gone through the traumatic divorce, she knew how hard that been on him, how much he had questioned whether he could let himself walk into that kind of situation again. And she realized now, how incredibly hurtful it must have been to allow himself to get there with her, only to have her walk out on him.
She hadn't just done what she'd done to herself. She had deeply, and unfairly hurt someone who used to be her best friend, someone she still loved to this day. And Alara knew she would carry the guilt of that for a long time.
She blinked rapidly, willing the tears back, because she knew Emil—he was too kind, too empathetic, not to be affected by them. And this wasn’t about her pain. Not now.
Dragging her gaze to meet his head on, so he could see the sincerity in her eyes, she offered, "I'm sorry, Emil. So, so sorry for what I did to you."
Reina remined quiet, looking over her former friend. Memories easily flooded back, how could they not? It was all she had left to hold onto when it came to Alara — when it came to most of her time there in Chicago. At least, for the most part, they were all good memories. The only one that left a foul taste in her mouth being when Alara up and disappeared on them, on her, and she was held back from using any and all of her resources to go and find her.
Reina's face remained neutral as she listened, though a small lift of her brow came when Alara mentioned being glad they ran into one another — in her mind, she was being avoided at all costs, but she quickly steeled the micro expression and nodded as she listened. A slow blink came next, soaking in the apology Alara had made in that moment. It took everything in her not to drag the other into her arms almost immediately and express that it was alright. But, Reina had been burned in being so open to rekindle, so again, she remained neutral.
The bomb that Alara dropped next though caused Reina's barrier to crack, emotion flooding into her features as she took in the news. "Damn," she whispered out as she listened, eyes searching her friends' as she thought over everything. It made sense, really, and if the roles had been reversed there was a likely chance Reina would have wanted to leave and drop off the face of the earth too.
Reina continued to wait till Alara was done, before she moved forward and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I love you, I've missed you..." she started before pulling back and making sure they at least were somewhat eye to eye with their height difference. "Next time, please don't just run away and never reach out....like I would have at least loved a postcard or something." she mildly teased. "I forgive you, and I am so sorry you went through all of that alone....or with strangers."
As she waited for Reina to react, Alara couldn't help but wonder if she was waiting on another rejection, another example of how her assumption of the situation back then had been completely false. It had happened with Emil, she could see it happening with Reina and their dynamic back in Chicago too. But as the tiny brunette stepped forward, closing the distance and pulling Alara into a hug, Alara was stunned.
This was not at all what she had expected going into this. But after freezing for a moment, she finally let herself melt into the hug, feeling more grateful for Reina's acceptance than she could adequately put into words.
Swallowing hard against the emotion that threatened to clog her throat, Alara let out a weak smile as Reina leaned back and spoke again. "I've missed you too," she admitted, her fondness for her friend evident in her tone. "Well, I don't have any more parents to loose so hopefully, there won't be a next time." Humor about this kind of stuff probably wasn't the best route to go, but Alara was so taken off guard by the whole interaction, that she couldn't help it.
"So how have you been adjusting to Briar Ridge? Catch me up on what's new!" She was quick to try and change the subject from her dark humor.
Mateo let out a quiet huff of a laugh, low and rough in his chest as the ember of his cigarette flared in the dark. "Alara," he repeated, letting the name roll off his tongue, slow.. like he was testing how it felt. "I like it." He shifted his weight against the railing, one boot scuffing against the concrete as he turned to face her a bit more. His lips curved into a lazy smirk, one she probably couldn't see given their distance, and, well.. the time of night it was. "Gonna be real with you, though— hot balcony girl's still got a nice ring to it," he teased.
"You're not wrong, by the way," he admitted suddenly, tapping ash off the end of his cigarette. "I do smoke like a man trying to forget shit." He paused, his mouth twitching slightly as he continued, "But I don't know, lately.. I find myself hoping I don't forget everything," he said, his gaze steady on her, letting it hand there for a moment. "Not these nights, anyway." Slow down tiger.. laying it on thick.
Amusement coloured his features as he turned to stub out the cigarette on his ash tray, a final puff of smoke escaping his chest. All someone had to do was point out his pride and freakin' joy. "You noticed it, huh?" Now that was enough to elicit a smile from him. "She's my girl. Gets me out of my head.. cheaper than therapy, at least." His hand lifted to rub at the back of his neck, sheepish for half a second before he shot her a crooked grin. “I'll have you know that my coping mechanisms might be questionable, but my taste on the other hand, is impeccable.”
Mateo shifted, leaning forward into the railing, arms splayed out as he tilted his head, studying her across the glow of the streetlights. “Do you ride?” His tone was casual, but the curiosity in his eyes was anything but. Then, finally, his grin softened into something that felt almost intimate as he answered, “Mateo.” He let it settle in the night air, his gaze holding hers for a long moment before he added, with a playful tilt of his head, “Now you know who you’re drinking with, hot balcony girl.”
"Thank Allah! Now that I know you approve, I might actually be able to get some sleep at night," she drawled, snark cranked to full volume as she sent him a smirk. Slowly, as if she was in no rush whatsoever, she uncurled herself from her patio furniture and rose so she could move to lean against the railing of her balcony, closing the distance between them an infinitesimal amount but allowing them both to see each other more clearly.
Her brow quirked upwards at his comment about not wanting to forget so much anymore. He was just handsome enough for the line to not be too cheesy, but it still elicited her signature smirk. She couldn't let him get off that easy. "Is that so?" she asked, a teasing grin on her lips. "If sitting in silence across from a stranger makes you want to remember, we might need to think about adjusting your nightly activities, hot neighbor guy." The briefest hint of innuendo laced her tone, just enough to show two could play that game.
She watched him as he began to speak about his bike, an actual smile coming to his features, instead one of the smirks she'd already come to appreciate. Clearly, he was just as obsessed as she was. Just listening to him talk about riding had her missing her own bike. It had been in the shop for far too long and she ached to get out on the open road again. Suddenly an idea came to her of how she might get out there even if she couldn't get her bike back.
Alara leaned her hip against the railing, eyes glittering with something between mischief and challenge. “Mmm,” she hummed noncommittally, dragging the sound out as she watched the way the moonlight carved shadows across his face. “I mean… I’ve been on a bike before.” Her tone was carefully vague, the corners of her mouth twitching like she was trying not to smirk.
She glanced away like she was shy—though she wasn’t—and casually picked at the edge of her sleeve. “But I don’t know. I spent more time worried the guy I was riding with was going to loose control than enjoying the therapeutic benefits.”
Then she peeked up at him from beneath her lashes—the picture of innocence, if innocence came with a glint that all but gave her away. “Nice to meet you, Mateo. Don’t worry,” she added with a teasing smile, “I like your name too.”
Kit was almost immediately pulled out of his thoughts when he felt the presence next to him. But he still didn't speak. He looked up at Alara and just nodded before he pulled his attention back to the water and the waves crashing out in front of them.
He almost didn't hear anything she had to say until the very end. And it was like a sleeper agent kicked in and suddenly he was talking, talking before his brain could even process the words that were coming out of his mouth.
"God, don't you hate when someone from beyond the grave still has a fucking hold on you? My father--" he paused, a laugh escaping his lips. "My father has been dead for almost two years now, and no matter what I do, I have his stupid voice in my head, telling me and reminding me that everything I do in my life is wrong or it's bad or I'm not treating my life like one big business deal. Isn't that stupid?"
He'd run out of breath, even in such a short burst of words that exploded from deep inside him. He found himself panting ever so slightly. It definitely wasn't a panic attack. It was rage.
Alara didn’t speak right away. She let his words settle between them, let the crashing of the waves fill the silence like a breath after impact. It struck her, how similar and yet vastly different their situations were. Her father had been gone for almost two years now as well. And yet, his ghost was lingering with far different intentions. Her gaze stayed on the ocean, but her voice, when it came, was soft. Steady.
“I don’t think it’s stupid,” she said, almost gently. “I think… when someone carves out that much space inside you—whether it’s good or bad—it’s hard to just fill it back in when they’re gone.”
She drew her knees up, arms folding loosely around them. “My dad was the opposite, actually. He was kind. Quiet. Thoughtful in this way that made you want to do better, just so he’d be proud. And he always was, even when I didn’t deserve it.”
She exhaled through her nose, a small, almost embarrassed laugh leaving her. “I used to think I had all the time in the world to tell him thank you for that. For seeing me. And now… I’d give anything just to hear his voice again. Even if it was to scold me.”
Her eyes flicked toward Kit, not pushing, just present. “It’s not stupid. It’s just grief—messy, shapeshifting, loud or quiet depending on the day. And it never really leaves us alone. Even if we wish it would.”
Selin didn't flinch at the outburst. Frankly, she'd been waiting for it for the mere fact that Alara and her were both too similar for her not to have an outburst at her ridiculous accusation. Even when she'd witnessed Alara go after Wes, she knew that it was so unlike her cousin and she couldn't have been serious about the proposition. Despite knowing it was something deeper, Selin was still angry at the notion that, out of all people, she'd attempted to push her away. Even when they'd both chosen to leave town, they'd reached out. It was them against the world and Selin hadn't been able to handle that perhaps Alara had decided that wasn't the case anymore.
"Of course not but I wasn't going to be the bigger person." She spoke stubbornly as her arms folded over her chest. "I figured that I could wait you out."
They had holidays and birthday parties where they'd be in each others presence so it was bound to happen that they'd be forced to interact. Maybe they'd fake a friendliness but Selin would have made it so uncomfortable for Alara to force her cousin's hand at apologizing.
Despite the crossed arms and distance she had with her cousin, she could see the tears clearly. Any determination she had to remain cold and standoff-ish crumbled at the surge of emotion. There was no longer any angriness or frustration— and all remained was a deep relief that her cousin was finally allowing it to come out and confide in her about what was truly going on. Selin made her way to the bench and sat beside Alara, immediately wrapping her arm around her.
"I knew you weren't going to fuck him, and truthfully, Alara— it would take a lot more than that to get rid of me." She would have been furious, but she couldn't imagine a world where her cousin wasn't apart of her life. "Dinle bebeğim, beni asla kaybetmeyeceksin. Seni çok seviyorum." Selin pulled Alara closer, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "There isn't anything you could do that would make me run in the opposite direction. I lost Bilal and that was a wake up call. A harsh one. I won't let go of anyone else, and you can try to push me away if you want, but I'll always be here."
Her head tipped towards her cousins as she let out a shaken breath, leaning up to press a kiss that same spot. "I know it hurts and you can lean on me whenever you need to. I can't take the pain away but I can hold your hand through it. Whatever mistakes, self-hatred moment you need, just let me hold your hand through it."
"I'm not going anywhere, okay? There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind."
She let out a shaky laugh, the kind that trembles on the edge of a sob. If anyone could go toe-to-toe with Alara in sheer stubbornness, it was her Selin. "You would have won," she sniffed. If fate hadn't brought them together like this, Alara knew now she would have caved eventually. Even if it still wouldn't have been in the most healthy way. She couldn't handle going on like this for much longer.
As Selin began to make her way towards her, Alara braced herself for a slap upside the head, more angry rants. What she wasn't expecting was the warmth of her cousin, her best friend, hugging her. And the second she felt Selin's hug, all vestiges of self control vanished. She began crying in earnest, something she never, ever let herself do with anyone present.
This, this was what she was scared of. This kind of love meant too much, it carried too much weight. And Alara knew now, with unflinching clarity, that if the day came where she ever lost Selin, she truly wouldn't be able to survive it. But as her cousin pulled her in, as the tears flowed more freely, she also knew that she couldn't survive without it and pushing Selin away only did more harm than good.
"Seni hak etmiyorum, Selin," she murmured, voice rough with the tears clawing at her throat, as she swiped at the ones that were persistently falling down her cheeks. "I can't believe I did that. I'm so beyond sorry. The guilt has been eating me alive since New Year's."
Finally, she let herself melt into her cousin's arms, pulling her close as if Selin was the lifeline she needed to keep breathing. "I'm so sorry, Selin. I'm so, so sorry." She just kept whispering it over and over again, as if trying to convey to her cousin just how badly she felt about it all.
